Chapter LVII

Treatments and Samples

I'm slowly drawn from my sleep. I utter numerous complaints of pain and discomfort; at that, a steady noise pierces my eardrums, as if someone were playing drums next to me. My whole body is on fire, I'm sweaty and my neglected muscles are sore. I'm still tired, a little sick and I haven't recovered enough chakra either… I mean, not as I'd have liked; I have to feed my pupil with chakra, after all.

I painfully open my eyelid. Chinese shadows quickly become concrete forms; my vision stabilizes. I recognize Naruto in my bed and his hair is slightly standing on end; I hear his frantic heartbeat, betraying his stress. The hellish sound that looks like knocking on my front door subsides. I have a visitor. Glancing outside, night has just fallen. I sigh. Naruto poisoned me too much and as a result I slept all day…

All in all, I really needed it.

"Stay there, Naruto," I tell him, running a gentle hand through his lightning mane.

I ignore the throbbing pain and hurry to my feet. I quicken my pace when the knocking stops, although my wobbly legs slow me down. Opening the door, no one is there. I stick my head out to look from right to left.

On the way out, I see Sakura looking back at me; she carries a backpack and a big satchel in her arms.

"Kakashi-Sensei!" she exclaims, turning back.

"Good evening, Sakura. What are you doing here?"

"I came to treat your wounds, Master Tsunade's order," the girl explains to me. "I've been here three times today and you never answered…"

"I see… Sorry," I flatly apologize as I let out a few nervous laughs, one hand in my static-covered hair. "I was knocked out by Naruto's venom. I just woke up."

Her emerald eyes, which examine me from head to toe, are veiled with concern; these linger on my butchered arms and brutalized with bruises and scratches.

"Come in," I invite her.

Sakura silently nods before entering my home. In doing so, she activates the switch and therefore the light. Pushing a useless complaint, I'm dazzled for the time of a breath. Instinctively, I raised my arm to dim the influx of light while closing my eyelid.

"Are you okay, Kakashi-Sensei...?"

A silence.

I rub my half-open dark iris, and it takes a while to get used to the glow. Moreover, this sudden and unwanted gleam attacks my pupil. This tingling sensation is weird and foreign to me; I feel like hundreds of painless needles are teasing my retina. Strange.

"… I am, don't worry," I reassure her, smiling. "Allow me to take a look at Naruto first."

Sakura stares at me, unconvinced. Nevertheless, she settles in the kitchen and prepares her medical equipment on the table.

Meanwhile, I inquire about the condition of the feral boy, who was visibly on the edge. With his emotional crisis this morning, I'm a little anxious. Naruto is sitting on my sheets and has wrapped himself in the blanket. He looks back at me, then offers a shy smile when he sees me—something I imitate. Therefore, he lengthens quietly in a ball. He doesn't show it, but he's still just as upset. That he prefers to stay in bed when night has fallen says a lot about his psyche, which almost broke a second time.

I quickly return to the kitchen. I collapse on one of the chairs and obediently let Sakura take care of me. She rummages in her satchel, from which she takes out a pocket filled with a transparent liquid; this is a solution intended to restore my strength and hydrate me. Given my lamentable state, I gladly accept. She improvises a stand for the bag as I roll up my sleeve. She pushes the needle into the crook of my elbow; that fleeting, sweet pain is nice next to Naruto's monstrous fangs.

As the watery matter gradually enters my body, she examines me more thoroughly with the help of her medical ninjutsu and medical instruments.

Although I kindly obey her requests, I'm nervous and very uncomfortable, especially when she tells me to briefly pull up my shirt.

My student remains silent and her silence means everything. She witnesses my too many injuries and my recent weight loss which slowly outlines my skeleton; my body is a macabre canvas, on which impending death has been artistically drawn. I came very close to death, I'm aware of that; the reaper haunts my shadow, follows me where I go and waits for the right moment to take me into its kingdom. Moreover, I'm not hungry, even if my last and infamous meal dates back to dawn.

"In your state, you should be hospitalized immediately," Sakura darkly says, breaking the leaden silence. "You have a high fever and you suffer from anemia…"

She takes my right hand to examine it and in response, I wince in pain and grind my teeth. I want to scream… I'm dying of pain…

"Your wrist is badly cracked, like most of your ribs… It was almost broken. The left is much less injured, but it's also cracked."

"Indeed," I whisper. "I'm in too much pain…"

"I agree that we can't hospitalize you and give you a blood transfusion because of Naruto's phobia… Your weight loss worries me and doesn't help you recover better either. Are you having difficulty eating, Sensei?"

I nod, avoiding eye contact. "Something is killing my appetite. I don't know if the anxiety is to blame or if it's something else, to be honest."

Sakura pouts; her clouded face makes me anxious.

"Can you show me the bite marks?"

I reluctantly agree. Unnecessary shame seizes me when I take off my top even more to reveal the marks of … indecent nature. Sakura makes me groan as she touches my hot, aching skin.

"Sakura… I'd like you to examine them thoroughly and let me know if you find anything weird…"

"What do you mean?"

"… Unlike the bites on my arms, if the area gets wet, I suffer martyrdom. Rather, I'm agonizing in a bath of pain…"

Worried, Sakura inspects my wounds with her medical ninjutsu. After a short silence, she frowns, puzzled.

"Your flesh is inflamed, but I can't find anything to cause these symptoms…"

"I see…"

"Only with a biopsy could we hope to find something. For that, you'd have no choice but to go to the hospital…"

I let out a sigh. It'd seem that I can't have an answer to this strange and relatively worrying phenomenon… I can't go to the hospital either, that's understood; Naruto must avoid any stress. Otherwise, he will end up with a head as white as mine before the end of the year.

Meanwhile, Sakura is done examining my wounds. I don't mention my scratched and stabbed legs; I refuse to show her more skin.

My student offers me Lady Tsunade's bitter-tasting medicine—the one that helps me recover my chakra—which I eagerly swallow. Fortunately, the kunoichi, although curious in her youth, no longer tries to see my face. She respects my boundaries unlike Naruto who never knew how to let go…

Despite his amnesia, I wonder if Naruto took advantage of my swooned state to peek. After all, his venom, to which I'm enslaved to, puts me into a deep sleep and renders me completely harmless…

Unless I ask him, I'll never know.

Sakura heals most of my wounds from then on, focusing on the most serious ones. With excruciating slowness, the pain gradually leaves my being, but it's far from enough. I wince in pain.

"Kakashi-Sensei, I don't know if you know about this, but … rumours are starting to spread in the village," she reveals me worriedly.

"I'm not surprised, Sakura… It was inevitable… However, I don't have the faintest idea of what they could be."

A silence, an anguish and a bad omen.

"Those unaware of the chakra devourers believe that Naruto's possessed by the Nine-Tails. This is the rumour that spreads the most in the village and the least … 'damaging,' in my opinion."

Listening to her last words, I hold my breath; at that, a cold sweat slides down my temple. Unconsciously, I already know what she's going to tell me…

"Some think you're … 'dating' Naruto."

My heart pinches me and starts racing. I'm a happy fool; naively, I hoped to be misled on this point.

This sort of thing gives me a bad name. Naruto is my student and he's underage, although his eighteenth birthday is fast approaching. Also, relationships of the same gender are rather rare in Konohagakure and sadly, they're always frowned upon and little accepted. This doesn't appeal to me at all and the damage is already done; this rumour will persist, even if I do everything in my power to make it go away… Of course, I can't distance myself from Naruto.

He's dependent on me as I am for his venom.

"...Naruto lives in my home, and with his habit of clinging to me like a bloody leech, I guess it was inevitable," I sigh, unable to hide my dismay.

"You don't have to worry too much about that, Kakashi-Sensei," she giggles nervously. "Because of his amnesia and feral temper, Naruto's a bit cuddly and he's different. We're aware that he behaves weirdly towards you. You're his source of comfort and unfortunately, you're the only one who can help him mentally and emotionally."

I utter a forced, unnatural laugh.

'I'm screwed.'

"There are a few rumours that fade over time," she continues. "However, another is starting to be more and more popular…"

Sakura's serious tone gets on my nerves.

"Some think you're going to become a chakra devourer."

Her words make my throat churn. The mere possibility sends a shiver of dread down my spine, runs through all my nerves like an electric shock. A sincere fear poisons me and my hands tremble.

This nightmare in which I was transformed into one of these creatures haunts me and gives me heart palpitations, to the point that many cold sweats bead on my forehead and my back. Is it possible that I could … become one…? That I can transcend into a chakra devourer myself because of the close proximity I share with the sapphire-eyed boy, who bites me and injects me with his various substances in my body...?

This fear … rather, the terror of such a reality gives me goosebumps and I forget to breathe.

"Sensei?" Sakura worries, pulling me out of my deep and agonizing thoughts.

"Hmm? Oh nothing. Sorry, I was lost in my thoughts."

The discomfort, to which is added the silence, settles.

My student continues to care for me. Fortunately, the marks on my neck are fading and becoming superficial wounds. The ones on my arms are also disappearing to a perfectly acceptable degree given the circumstances. The eternal sufferings likewise diminish, although they're now part of my daily life.

Sakura stops her technique. She wraps my right wrist in a strong bandage suitable for cracks. This will limit movements in the latter and thus, facilitate and accelerate healing.

"And Naruto? How is he?" she asks me.

To ask me the question, she knows what happened this morning.

"He's still upset. Although he slept all night and all day, he didn't want to get up. Lady Tsunade explained to you what happened, right?"

She nods as she continues to treat the last wounds on my arms, covering them with bandages of all kinds.

"I treated the most serious injuries. It's best that you rest the next few days. With Naruto that you have to … feed, you'll need a week minimum."

I sigh despite myself.

"I'll have to draw your blood before I leave. You told Master Tsunade that Naruto's saliva has special properties. I'm also here to take samples if it's possible to do so."

"I see. We'll hope that he's more cooperative than his venom…"

"I'll make you a meal and a medicine for your fever, until the infusion's finished," she says with a smile, carefully putting away the many medical stuff scattered on the table.

"Thank you."

Looking at the bag, I still have about thirty minutes. Sweeping my gaze over my shoulder, Naruto is lying in my bed and seems calm to me. However, I have no way of seeing whether or not he's hurting himself by grabbing his throat with his claws. With his foul scent that stinks in my apartment, I can no longer smell anything else; I can't rely on my nose to detect the scent of blood anymore. I smell Naruto, Naruto and more Naruto … everywhere. Outside is the only uncontaminated place in which I can breathe…

I just hope he doesn't hide a meltdown from me like last time…

- XxX -

I read a little while Sakura prepared me a meal and a herbal medicinal tea. I'm not hungry, but when she served me one of my favourite dishes, a salt-broiled saury, my appetite kicked in. My student respects my modesty and this allows me to eat without fear, although I eat quickly, to believe the food disappears in the blink of an eye. The reaction of others who note that I'm already done always amuses me as much.

We talked about everything and nothing. She was inquiring a lot about the progress with Naruto. I didn't lie to her, but I didn't tell her everything. Of course, I religiously kept Naruto's unhealthy affection to myself, like the fact that we share the same bed to sleep tightly glued… I mean, him glued to me, smothering me with unwanted physical contacts; it feeds this emotional confusion that torments my mind far too often…

All in all, I feel much better, invigorated and less sick. I still have a fever, but nothing alarming; it will fade overnight. The infusion finally over, Sakura prepares her equipment for Naruto's saliva samples. We have agreed that I'm the one who will take care of this task. The blond might be more inclined to accept if I ask, since he always seems to be wary of Sakura.

After a thorough washing of our hands despite my bandaged wrist, we go to my room where Naruto is.

He was lying down and curled up in a ball. Seeing us, he sat down. At the entrance, Sakura turns on the light. In response, it arches the feral boy who utters a rotten hiss of anger as he closes his eyes. Even I find myself dazzled for the time of a breath.

That's when she notices that Naruto has lost his towel and is stark naked. Embarrassed, her cheekbones rosy, she gasps in surprise before turning around, one hand brandished in front of her innocent eyes. As for me, I quickly tie the towel around the blond's waist to hide his crotch.

"I'm sorry, Sakura," I laugh nervously. "I couldn't dress him this morning…"

An arm in front of his azure eyes, Naruto glares at Sakura with a nasty eye. Moreover, when she puts a foot inside, all his hair stands on end and he grunts without stopping; at that, his irises are lighting up like a thousand lights.

"Easy, Naruto," I whisper, stepping between the two. "Sakura's a friend. She didn't mean to turn on the light if that's what makes you angry. We can't see in the dark."

The glow of his irises fades, but the hissing persists, like his ruffled hair. He tilts his head to stare aggressively at Sakura. His ebony tail grips my waist and tickles me with its veil of awakening electricity. Faced with his strange behaviour, I frown.

What does that mean? I feel as if he has become suspicious of her again… Has the meltdown this morning plunged him back into his feral temper? I don't think so; he was indifferent to the visit of his comrade—he had even gone back to bed without anxiety. Analyzing him from top to bottom, he didn't hurt himself either.

Glancing over my shoulder, Sakura is as perplexed as I am. In non-verbal language, she asks me what is going on. I can only shrug; I have no explanation to give.

The moment she steps out of the room, the effect is immediate. Naruto ceases his mouth rumble and his light and dark fur returns to normality. His face is much less severe and violent.

The very obvious strikes me.

Naruto isn't suspicious of her.

Naruto doesn't want her in the bedroom.

Naruto simply forbids it.

"You don't want her in the room, got it. But you, you're out, Naruto," I tell him, taking his arms to force him to get up.

To my relief, he locks his attention on me and complies. I have to reattach the towel since it slips off his hips when standing. He keeps his head down to protect his nocturnal, light-blinded pupils. He follows me into the kitchen and I point to one of the chairs, on which he sits. Given that he has regained his soft and docile demeanour, I confirm the reason why he got upset.

Maybe my bedroom has become some kind of sanctuary for him? A den in which he's perfectly comfortable and safe, from which he protects from the presence of others capable of desecrating it? If Naruto is territorial like a wild beast, that makes sense. Given his possessive temper towards me, I'm the only one who has the right to enter this room now.

I'm not the only one to have understood this. Sakura's expression became cheerful again; the fear that Naruto starts pushing her away must have twisted her heart for the time of a breath.

"Naruto, I'd like to take some saliva samples from you," I ask cautiously. "Do you want to give them to me?"

The sapphire-eyed boy watches me for long, painful seconds before arching an eyebrow; he doesn't understand the purpose of my request. However, this isn't a refusal. Since he's finally cooperative, it's an obligation to ruffle his hair. Naruto is better since his hair isn't stuck in my hand.

"He agreed," I say cheerfully to Sakura.

I sit on the second chair in front of the blond. As soon as my butt touches the wood, his black tail grips my legs, making me sigh… I don't know if it's Sakura's presence or something else that makes him physically intrusive right now… I'm suffocating and it bothers me a little…

"Kakashi-Sensei, can you explain to me the symptoms his saliva causes?" she asks me.

I stare up into the air, crossing my arms. I take a few seconds to think about my answer. I remember the different moments during which I was exposed to it … including those that I persist in forgetting … in vain.

For my misfortune, I still feel the friction of his pelvis on mine…

"Let's see… My wet skin is freezing cold and I can't feel anything, as if it was anaesthetized. I can't feel the pain either, though I knew his fangs were digging into my flesh. However, the effects aren't constant. Last night it was immediate whereas if I smear his drool on my skin myself, it takes a while to go numb and it's nowhere near the same intensity."

My explanations draw a frown from the young girl. I answer her question before it's asked. "The amount has nothing to do with intensity or speed of numbness," I specify. "I've been smeared to varying degrees and each time, the sensations vary. They contradict each other and follow absolutely no logic."

"If what you're saying is true, there must be something else either heightening the effects or not…"

I nod. I notice that Naruto has his eyes glued to the ground. He avoids any retinal contact by bending and unbending his toes; he still feels bad for last night.

Sakura hands me a transparent plastic container with quantities indicated in millilitres and on which there's a funnel. She doesn't need to explain to me what it's for. I easily guessed.

"Naruto, can you fill this vial with your saliva?" I ask, offering him the said vial.

His bluish irises focus on the container in question, then he pouts. Nevertheless, he agrees to take it, although he starts staring at me with a long vocal complaint. I think he's trying to figure out what I want with that. So as not to rush him, we wait in painful patience for him to comply.

After a while, he approaches the funnel to his lips into which he releases his slimy drool … in an alarming and disturbing amount. At first glance, he can produce some without the slightest effort, and much more since he doesn't take long to fill it. I understand his appalling ease in soiling me with the latter … especially when he uses me as a cozy pillow…

His task accomplished, the blond frowns as he returns the container to me, which I then return to Sakura; at that, his tail makes some useless twirls, though it doesn't leave my legs.

"If Naruto could produce so much without stimulating his salivary glands, you'd have to inspect his mouth, Kakashi-Sensei," Sakura tells me curiously.

I make a complaint despite myself. His saliva disgusts me and the urge to plunge my fingers inside his mouth doesn't delight me at all. He hasn't brushed his teeth since his return into this chakra devourer state… Well, I agree that it's my fault. I had to explain to him how a shower works, after all … and I should have done the same for brushing. Nevertheless, I'm curious myself. I wonder if his oral cavity has changed or not; his demon fangs look very uncomfortable to me.

"Naruto, open your mouth," I command, bringing my fingers to his lips.

Naruto opens it wide. Unexpectedly, no foul odour stings my nose and his teeth, especially his fangs, are clean and whiter than they were before. Weird. His mouth is perfectly clean. Does he really need to wash it? I can't tell … unless Naruto remembered to brush it by himself and he's using my toothbrush.

I never want to know.

Otherwise, I will puke.

I set to work. I dig my fingers into his mouth, suppressing a grimace of disgust as Sakura watches over my shoulder. Naruto obediently lets me work. The saliva doesn't take long to occupy more and more of the mouth space, until a drop of filthy drool slides down his chin … and it doesn't even bother him…

First observation, the lower part of his mouth, in front of the teeth and gums, is deeper and extends much further. I can slip half my index finger in there. This allows him to comfortably store his fangs. Besides, the texture at the bottom is very solid and rough, implying a protective layer against the sharp point and therefore, preventing him from hurting himself. Looking at the upper dentition, I notice a partially covered abnormality in his gum line on the right and left side.

"Do you see what I see, Sakura?"

She nods. "I bet it's his venom glands," she surmises with certainty.

She gets closer to better look, and this puts Naruto on his nerves.

"Indeed…" I nod, brushing my fingertips over them. "It can only be that…"

I continue my visual and sensory inspection deeper, forcing Naruto to tilt his head back. Touching the bottom areas near the uvula, I make Naruto gags. Immediately, I avoid these sensitive parts so as not to make him vomit. To add to my disgust, the quantity of drool increases and drips profusely down his chin. Meanwhile, I notice that my wet skin is gradually becoming cold and my perceptions are briefly altered.

All in all, besides these two observations, I find nothing else. I pull out my sticky fingers and rub them together with disgust. Naruto swallows the excess saliva in an obnoxious and awful noise, while wiping his face with his hand.

"It's very, very far off the mark, but my fingers are affected by this strange phenomenon," I say before wiping them with Naruto's towel.

"There must be something that makes it immediate or not, Kakashi-Sensei."

"I know. But I couldn't find anything else…"

"Do you think that it could be his venom?"

"I don't think so. His venom causes burning pains and not the other way around."

A silence.

"Did you look at his tongue?" she says suddenly.

Right. I haven't inspected it.

"Naruto, stick your tongue out," I order.

Obediently, he parts his lips again and shows me his tongue. I visually scrutinize the latter, but I find nothing strange. However, Sakura demonstrates otherwise as her eyelids open wide.

"Look! Looks like there are tiny spikes."

I narrow my eye, holding my chin, puzzled. Then, it doesn't take long for me to see those strange little mandibles she's referring to.

"You're right," I whisper.

I grab with difficulty that sticky tongue to get it out more and Naruto lets out a complaint that I ignore. In doing so, I erect those weird spikes that line the entirety of his tongue. Like felines, Naruto has sharp, backward-facing filiform papillae hooks… Curious. With the panic I sank into last night, I can't remember the texture of that tongue on my abused skin… If it's really similar to cats, it should be very rough and abrasive…

On closer inspection, I notice a few tiny transparent drops dripping from these things. I grab the muscle with both hands and gently squeeze it, as if I was popping a pimple. That same stuff comes out of the end of those things. Meanwhile, Naruto's tail festers. He growls in annoyance.

He doesn't like what I'm doing to him at all and my time is running out, that's understood.

I reach out a hand to Sakura who gives me a long stick glued to the lid of a tube, with a small cotton ball on the end. In order not to contaminate the sample, I seize it with great care before collecting the precious substance, avoiding as best as I can to mix it with saliva. After giving the sample to Sakura, I finally release the blond's tongue, which hides inside his oral cavity.

"I think we've found our answer," I say.

I wipe my drool-covered fingers again on his towel. Naruto stares at me, visibly insulted by my gesture. I don't care. I'm not planning on getting my fingers drenched in saliva just to please him.

I'm willing to put my hand to the fire that this stuff that comes from these spikes is the answer. However, to confirm it, I have no choice but to submit to the slide of his mutant tongue.

"Naruto, lick my hand," I command him, waving my left hand in front of him.

My words take the teenager by surprise as he suppresses a start. He plunges his irises into mine, then fiercely avoids eye contact by slowly turning his head away; at this, his face gets more and more red…

I understand why Naruto never licked me before sinking his fangs into my flesh to save me pain… If I consider what happened last night and the scarlet flush in his face at this very moment, this gesture is of an … intimate, even perhaps … sexual nature. Anxiety engulfs me in its torments of misfortune; I'm afraid that Sakura guesses the true intentions of Naruto's assault on my body last night…

"Stop making up ideas and just do it," I insist, waving my hand.

Naruto holds his breath; he stares at Sakura for an untold amount of time. He ends up landing his eyes on me as he touches the tips of his index fingers together, moving them in embarrassment. I sigh heavily as Sakura arches an eyebrow.

"She won't watch you do it if that's what bothers you. Come on! A tiny lick and we won't talk about it ever again."

Faced with my indirect request, Sakura turns around to offer the intimacy that Naruto wants… However, he's still as reluctant and his face is scarlet red. Eyeing him impatiently, I reach out with my hand—something that stiffens the feral boy who feels trapped. To add to the discomfort, he's sweating profusely…

In a shy and shameful movement, he finally slides his tongue excruciatingly slowly over my skin; his gesture makes me shiver in spite of myself.

I guessed right. The texture of this tongue is that of a feline; I feel those strange tentacles sting and claw at my skin in an absent and uncomfortable pain, although it's paradoxically pleasant. What bothers me the most is the vile drool that covers the tongue and defiles me shamelessly; a trickle of saliva slips from my hand, hits the floor.

Immediately, the sensations disappear and fade away; my skin is as cold as the tip of a mountain. When I roughly pinch my skin, I feel absolutely nothing. As for Naruto, he curls up in a ball, his legs in front of him. He hides his face with his palms, petrified with shame.

Unconsciously, I easily guess the nature of this position…

I'm damned.

"The strange substance is indeed the answer."

Sakura turns around… However, her emerald eyes focus on the blond. "What's going on with him?"

"I can't tell you. Naruto's sometimes shy," I lie, shrugging.

Sakura frowns. Nevertheless, she focuses on my hand which she examines with touch. Like Shikamaru, she doesn't believe me, if at all. To say that I'm anxious would be a euphemism; I don't want to lower in her esteem.

"Your skin is frozen… You feel absolutely nothing?"

"I wouldn't feel his fangs pierce my flesh, Sakura."

"Since you started to feel minimal effects from contact with his saliva, the theory I'm thinking of is that the substance produced by his tongue accentuates and accelerates the effects, making them immediate."

I nod.

"We'll analyze everything in the lab and I'll come back with the results, Kakashi-Sensei."

A silence.

"Sensei… If Naruto was this cooperative, do you think he'd be inclined to provide a sample of his venom?"

Sakura doesn't have time to finish her sentence when I hear Naruto's incipient hisses. He opens his fingers to glare at her. He bristles a few hairs while wagging his tail, which finally leaves my legs. At least the growing anger took away the embarrassment he was in. Of course, he doesn't agree at all and he won't cooperate if we insist, even if it comes from me.

"Easy, Naruto. We're not gonna draw your venom," I reassure him in a whisper.

Naruto stops his growls and calms down. I'm unable to find any logical explanation for his surly refusal to have his venom sampled. I don't have any leads in mind… Yet, taking his saliva and the strange substance didn't bother him at all…

Naruto's contradictory behaviours exhaust me…

Hands on her hips, the girl utters a sigh.

"There's nothing we can do if he stubbornly refuses," she sighs. "I have to take your blood before I leave, Kakashi-Sensei."

I nod before turning my attention to a somewhat pissed off Naruto.

"Don't look, Naruto," I curtly order, pressing a hand to his face to force him to look away. "She has to draw my blood and you gonna let her whether you like it or not. So you'll look elsewhere."

My student emits a sulky complaint, but nothing more. Reluctantly, the blond doesn't look, although his ebony tail slams loudly against the floor. We ignore him. Without wasting time, I offer my arm to Sakura. Since her equipment was already ready, she only needed a minute to take the blood sample. Her task done, she meticulously put away her medical stuff, including the precious samples.

"I'll be back tomorrow," Sakura says warmly, ready to leave.

"I see you've become my home nurse," I add with a laugh.

"Since you can't be hospitalized, I have no choice."

I run a hand into my silver mane, laughing. At the same time, Naruto suppresses a grimace of pain before he bends over. His arms are crossed over his chest and his fingers refrain from clinging to his tanned skin. He's shaking and groaning.

"Naruto!" I exclaim, placing my palms on his shoulders. "What's wrong?"

The sapphire-eyed boy cringes. When his eyes observe my arms with insistence, I understand that hunger tugs at him. Since he didn't really eat anything last night, he must be starving. At first glance, he hid it from me until the discomfort or pain was too intense. He knew my chakra reserves were too depleted to offer him my lightning essence.

"He's hungry," I say to Sakura. "You don't have to worry. I'll take care of him. You can leave, Sakura. I can take care of the bites myself."

She hesitates, so I reassure her a second time and that's enough for her to leave my apartment after a goodbye, followed by her instructions to rest. In a way, I didn't want her to witness this feeding ritual, out of shame and embarrassment. Of a reserved nature, I don't like people to know too much about my private life and whether I like it or not, Naruto is now part of my life, of my daily life. I got used to it, although the whole thing still seems so unreal.

Sometimes I want to wake up, find this life of yesteryear before that of my student is turned upside down forever; a wish to be alone again, to be cradled by my old demons that come back to haunt me at nightfall. Ever since I took custody of Naruto, the ghosts of my past have become increasingly rare, chasing away the darkness I've been in for years. All of this creates an emotional confusion that poisons me, which I skillfully veil in denial to make them disappear.

I ignore the cries of my heart.

I stubbornly refuse to hear them.

Seeing the truth is forbidden.

I lock up all my torments in a corner of my head; Naruto's needs take precedence over mine and at this precise moment, I must silence Naruto's suffering. He's careful … yet, the tips of his nails gently scratch me when he holds my forearm. His fangs profane my flesh, electrocute me and dive me into this inevitable pain to which it's impossible to adapt. He devours the little chakra I have.

I didn't ask him since I'm forced to rest, but he decided to remain lucid by pinching himself so as not to poison me with his venom. A small amount warms my skin, burns me with tenderness. Despite his unfulfilled appetite, Naruto stops his meal for me and pulls his fangs out of my tortured skin.

Although I reassured Sakura, besides rinsing, I don't take care of my injuries, for lack of desire. Scars are anchored on my arms, and wounds of all kinds mark them constantly. Despite my negligence, these wounds are still healthy and don't become infected. I resign to these indelible imprints that will remind me until the end of my days of this new life that I'm forced to embrace, this life that will perhaps persist until I go six feet underground. An abstract grief overtakes me when I wonder if my career as a shinobi is over. To be emptied of my perpetually devoured chakra is incompatible…

I realize that all these fears, these uncertainties, this weariness…

This is all the result of my mind about to break…

Physically, I need rest, of course, but mentally too…

I need a break…