Chapter 16. The Man I Love

Content warning: Contains sexual content which may be unsuitable for readers under the age of 18.

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When Ariel and Merton arrived at the Barnes' house late the following morning they were welcomed with egg nog, hugs and kisses, along with greetings of Merry Christmas. Merton entrusted Rebecca to take the presents they brought with them and deposit them under the Christmas tree. Bucky and Steve were just finishing washing up the breakfast dishes and putting them away. Everyone came together in the parlour and Rebecca was given the task of handing out presents. As they were opened there were the usual cries of thanks and one "What is it?" That was from Rebecca at the present Ariel gave her.

"An umbrella," said Ariel.

"I know that," laughed Rebecca, "but why is it see through?"

"It's a new product called Pliofilm and it's supposed to be see through. Rain will fall right off it and you can still see through it even if you bring the umbrella right down to your head."

Rebecca took the umbrella and began opening it leading to everyone shouting "no," then her mother explained it was bad luck to open an umbrella inside the house. There was some nervous laughter and the opening of presents continued. When it was finished Mr. Barnes brought Ariel and Merton a box from the cellar to carry their presents. He prepared his pipe to have a smoke outside and Merton put his jacket on to join him. Rebecca opened the Parcheesi game that she received and convinced Steve to play with her so they could learn it. Mrs. Barnes got up to begin the preparations for Christmas dinner then looked kindly at Bucky and Ariel.

"Why don't you give Ariel her last present in your room," she suggested in a low voice. "You'll have more privacy there."

Bucky took Ariel by the hand and led her up to his room. He closed the door and pulled her close, kissing and caressing her passionately. She returned his efforts with just as much passion until he finally ended the kiss and placed his palm on her face. The chair from his desk was pulled out for her to sit on and he opened his dresser drawer bringing out a small box. Kneeling in front of her he gazed at her for some time then placed the box in her hand.

"I want you to wear these on New Year's Eve," he said softly. "They're just costume jewelry but as soon as I saw them I pictured you in them."

Opening the box Ariel gasped at a pair of rhinestone drop earrings with a single pearl at the bottom. "Bucky, these aren't just costume jewelry. You must have spent so much on these."

"I wanted you to have something pretty from me before I left," he said. He looked away from her for a moment. "Perhaps, when this war is all done you can wear them on our wedding day."

The tears began forming in her eyes and she threw her arms around this man she loved. He grasped her just as tightly, burying his face in her neck before kissing her fiercely.

"I want to give you the world, Ariel," he whispered. "I'll take whatever training they give me in the army and when I return I'll go to college. They're talking of a GI bill so that returning vets can get paid to get a college degree. I'll make good, I promise."

"I know you will," she whispered back. "I love you and I'll cherish these."

Holding hands they came down the stairs together and Ariel put the box in her purse, kissed Bucky on the cheek and went to the kitchen to help Mrs. Barnes. Bucky sat at the table with Steve and Rebecca, watching as they played Parcheesi. His friend looked carefully at him.

"She liked them?"

Bucky nodded, clasping his hands together, then looked towards the kitchen. Every so often Ariel would pass by the doorway and his eyes reached for those brief glimpses of her like a thirsty man reaching for water. Steve kept watching Bucky while he played the board game with Rebecca, realizing how deep his best friend's feelings for Ariel went. Certainly no other woman had ever had such a hold on him.

"We can start the game over if you want to play," he said to Bucky, over Rebecca's objection.

Bucky tore his eyes away from the kitchen doorway for just a moment. "No, it's okay. I think I'll ask Ma if I can help."

With that declaration he pushed his chair in and went to the kitchen door, offering to do something, anything, just so he could be where Ariel was. In retrospect this desire to be so close to the woman he loved could be seen as somewhat obsessive but for Bucky he just wanted to be in her presence as much as possible before he left for basic training. For 12 weeks they would be apart before he was given leave, assuming he completed that first level of training without getting into trouble. His only forms of communication during that time would be by letter and perhaps a phone call, if he could bear the wait in line for the precious pay phone at the base.

Eventually, several hours later, the turkey was pronounced cooked, all the side dishes were prepared, the table set, and everyone gathered around the table. Mr. Barnes asked everyone to join hands while he said a blessing.

"I wish to thank Winnie and Ariel for all the hard work they've done to make us this magnificent feast," he began. "At times like these it's good to have people you care about close by. In future times we'll look back on this day as the best of Christmases. God bless my family, and everyone at this table is my family. God bless our boys preparing to go to war. God bless all of those who currently fight against evil. Amen."

Everyone responded in kind and began to help themselves to the food, passing the dishes on to the next person. Rebecca turned on the radio to a channel playing Christmas music but when an announcement was made that Canadian forces in Hong Kong had surrendered to the Japanese Mr. Barnes stood up and turned it off.

"We don't need to hear that," he said tersely.

After dinner everyone helped clean up and the four younger people played Parcheesi while the three older people listened to classical music on the gramophone. At about 9 o'clock Merton noted the time on his pocket watch and suggested it was time he and Ariel returned home. Mrs. Barnes made up a container of leftovers for them, taken gratefully. As Merton waited in the van, trying not watch the couple Bucky stood on the stoop looking down on his fiancée, a step below him, gently touching her face.

"I'll see you tomorrow," he said. "Thank you for the tie and cuff links."

"Thank you for the earrings," she replied.

There were no "I love you" declarations because they both knew. Instead they embraced each other emotionally, kissing each other for some time before breaking apart. Bucky opened the van door for Ariel, wished Merton a final Merry Christmas then watched as the van pulled away from the curb and disappeared from view.

In the van Merton looked carefully at Ariel, who seemed more contemplative than usual. "Everything alright?" he asked.

She glanced at him. "It's good. He gave me some pearl earrings. Wants me to wear them on New Year's Eve." Turning slightly towards Merton she was quiet a few moments before speaking. "Does the Historian's Guild ever consult with the current Sorcerer Supreme?"

"In what context?" he asked, wanting to hear it from her lips, although he had a good idea why she was asking.

"Historians that have stayed with their subject ... does the Sorcerer Supreme use the Time Stone to determine the effects of their staying?"

"It has happened on occasion," he admitted. "There have been minor adjustments to the timeline that she has confirmed did not affect the historical record and did not alert the Time Variance Authority. You know that most adjustments wouldn't apply to Bucky. His contribution both as a Howling Commando and as the Winter Soldier had major impacts on history."

"I know," said Ariel. "What if we got married, but I still accepted his fall as his death, allowing his future as the Winter Soldier to proceed. Would the marriage change history?"

"You're truly in love with him," stated Merton. "That's what this is about, isn't it? I've noticed a change in your dynamic."

"Would it be so bad?" she asked. "I know I said before that I couldn't live a lie but it's no lie I want to be with him. Part of me wants to explore the possibility."

"Are you prepared to give up being a historian?" he asked in return, looking pointedly at her as he drove. "Once you make that commitment to him, you would have to resign, as your objectivity would be tainted. You would also have to stay here if you did marry him, even once he fell."

"Am I even being objective now?" she countered. "I've been wondering that already. He's everything I ever wanted in a life partner, passionate, loving, faithful, and he is so attuned to my wants and needs." She was quiet for a moment then spoke softly. "I never expected to feel this way about anyone."

Merton took a deep breath. He had suspected Ariel was feeling more for Bucky than she had let on but this was bordering on something else.

"Would you let me consult with Peri and see if she wants to bring the Sorcerer Supreme in on it?"

Shifting to face forward Ariel nodded her assent and they said nothing more about it. After they arrived at the apartment Merton went up to the communications console and had a confidential chat with Peri about it. When he came down he noticed that Ariel was already in bed, with her light off so he decided to wait until the morning to tell her the news that marrying Bucky, even if she never told him anything about his future, would change the timeline significantly. Knowing she was waiting for him would affect his judgement in taking part in Howling Commando missions, with a significant possibility that he would return to the 107th after his initial rescue, meaning someone else would take his place on the train mission, probably with different or even disastrous results. Even being in the 107th wouldn't ensure his safe return as it was possible his rescue from the Austrian HYDRA factory wouldn't even happen and the Winter Soldier would be created sooner, affecting even more history. In fact there had already been some small changes noted that wouldn't affect his future but any more deviations could have consequences. The engagement was as involved as the couple could be. Nothing more could be permitted. When he told Ariel the next morning she said nothing but seemed to accept it with some disappointment. It was never brought up again during her assignment.

The days before New Year's Eve seemed to move slowly but it finally came and Ariel confirmed with Bucky that they would get ready in the hotel. Carefully she packed her dress in layers of tissue paper to keep it from creasing. He picked her up just after 2 pm in his father's car, dressed in a suit and tie, and wearing a good overcoat. The drive into Manhattan took about 40 minutes due to the heavy traffic. There were already people out on the streets wearing party hats, with streamers draped over their shoulders. Some roads were barricaded for the expected crowds but they were able to drive almost to the hotel before Bucky pulled into a parking garage. Taking both their suitcases he led Ariel another block to the Hotel Edison, a huge monolith of a building. The doorman opened the door for them and called for a bellboy to take their bags. He waited behind the couple as Bucky checked in.

"I have a reservation for James Barnes and fiancée," he said, standing tall like he belonged there.

The clerk smiled and flipped through the reservation cards, pulling one out. "Certainly, Mr. Barnes. One night accommodations, checkout is at noon tomorrow. I have your tickets for the New Year's Eve gala. A reminder that it is formal dress. The terrace on the 21st floor will be open for those who wish to observe the outdoor celebration on Times Square. Charles will guide you to your room. I hope you and Miss Black enjoy your stay."

Taking Ariel's hand in the crook of his arm they followed the bell boy through the Art Deco styled lobby to the elevators. Ariel was so pleased she wore her recording brooch on her coat as this was Art Deco before it became dated and worn out. The colourful beauty of the lobby was stunning. In the elevator Bucky looked affectionately at her, noticing the bell boy was trying not to stare at her. At the door to their 17th floor room the bellboy unlocked it and stepped back allowing them to enter first. He brought their bags in, putting them on the luggage racks at the end of the large bed. Then he showed them the bathroom and Bucky discreetly tipped him before he showed himself out. Suddenly they were alone and Bucky made sure the door was locked. Ariel took in the view from their room, then felt Bucky's arms wrap around her from behind, his lips softly seeking her neck.

"Dinner starts at 7 o'clock," he murmured as he mouthed the sensitive skin under her ear. "The dance begins at 8:30. We have time to be alone now."

She unbuttoned her coat and he took it off her shoulders, removing his at the same time, then hanging both up in the closet. After removing his suit jacket Ariel unbuttoned his vest, loosened his tie and pulled it off over his head. Bucky turned the radio on then sat in an armchair, patting his lap. Settling herself on him Ariel placed her hand on his cheek and gazed at him.

"I'm going to miss you so much," she whispered. "It will be lonely without you."

He took her ring finger in his hand and kissed the engagement ring, thumbing it gently. "You'll stay faithful to me? I see how other men look at you and ..." His voice trailed off as he frowned and looked down, feeling guilty for even bringing it up.

"There is no one else for me," she assured him, tilting his chin back up so he could see the sincerity in her eyes. "You're the first man I ever fell in love with. Even though I've been with others before I don't want anyone else, just you."

"Oh, Ariel," he moaned and he grasped at her, kissing her feverishly, then running his hand up her skirt, undoing her stockings so he could feel all of her leg with his fingers and hand.

Within minutes they were in bed, naked under the covers and Bucky put a condom on, anxious to claim her. Slowly he entered her and kept to a slow, languid rhythm, both of them using the sensuality of it to touch and caress each other with their hands, lips, and mouths. It was soft and satisfying as their senses were fully charged with the taste, scent, and feel of their partner. Their simultaneous orgasm wasn't the blinding white hot flash of ecstasy but it was all encompassing, as they felt merged into one being, and one thought. After disposing of his condom Bucky returned to the bed and wrapped his limbs around Ariel, wanting to still feel that sense of oneness they achieved when they came. He played with the ends of her hair in his fingertips, always taken with the softness and colour of it. The late afternoon sun came through the hotel window and lit Ariel's hair up as it was displayed across the crisp cotton pillow case. Bucky ran his hand through her locks, kissing her as he did so.

"Do you have any idea of how much I adore you?" he murmured; his mouth close to her ear. "I dream of my fingers in your hair, my hand on your skin, of being close just like this."

"I didn't know what love was until you," whispered Ariel in reply. "You have to come back to me. Promise me that you'll come back."

"Nothing will keep me from you. You are my sun, my moon, the air that I breathe. I live for you."

They kissed fiercely and made love again, with more physical abandon than the first time. Their shared bliss was louder and both of them were covered in a glowing sheen on their heated skin. When Bucky pulled out and went to the bathroom to discard the condom he started the tub going and came back, offering his hand to Ariel. There were some complementary bath salts and she put some in the water before wrapping her hair up in a headband then stepping in. Bucky stepped in behind her and she laid back on his chest as he squeezed water out of a facecloth onto her. When the water was no longer hot they stepped out and dried each other off. Checking the time they decided they should get ready and both unpacked their suitcases. Ariel was surprised to see Bucky brought a tuxedo.

"I never knew you had a tuxedo," she stated.

He blushed. "I borrowed it," he said. "I asked your uncle if he knew anyone, and he came through. I'm more excited to see what you're wearing."

She took the dress out of the suitcase and shook it loose of the tissue paper then held it up to herself. It was a creamy white colour, with a full skirt and sweetheart bodice covered in beading, with thin beaded straps. Grasping the hem in his fingers Bucky looked at it with a soft smile.

"That's beautiful," he said. "I just remembered something that I have to get. I won't be long and I'll knock three times before I come in, in case you're not ready."

Quickly he threw his suit on that he wore to the hotel and stepped out of the room. While he was gone Ariel put her undergarments on, then her stockings. She went to the bathroom to do her hair and makeup and had just finished when she heard the three knocks. Bucky's head appeared in the partially open door, and she called to him from the bathroom doorway. Stepping quickly in he locked the door behind him.

"Could you do my dress up?" she asked.

She stepped into it and turned her back to him as he did up the small pearl buttons. When she turned around his eyes lit up.

"Beautiful," he said softly, then he picked up a small package from the dresser. "I ordered this and had to get it from the hotel's florist before he closed. I hope you like it."

She opened the box to find a wrist corsage, a white orchid. Smiling brightly at Bucky she slipped it on her wrist and kissed him.

"An orchid means beauty, elegance, and love," he said shyly. "You're all of them to me."

"All I need to put on now are the earrings," she replied. "Thank you."

As she did that Bucky took his shirt off, wanting to shave before he dressed in the tuxedo. Ariel watched from a chair fascinated at the process, finding it quite sensual. She made a note to ask if she could shave his face before they checked out. After he shaved he put some aftershave on, then spread a little bit of Brylcreem in his hand and styled his hair.

"You like watching me get ready?" he asked, as he washed his hands.

"It has its moments," she answered smiling, as he carefully pulled an undershirt on then buttoned up the tuxedo shirt.

He put his socks on then pulled on the trousers, putting the suspenders over his shoulders before tucking in the shirt and buttoning the fly. The tie came next and he offered it to her to do for him. As he looked down at her it reminded him of when she took care of his cheeks when he had frostbite, the same intensity of attention was given to tying his tie as it was to applying the moist, warm face cloths. Ariel held out his waistcoat then adjusted the back so it fit him properly. With the addition of the jacket and his shoes Bucky was all ready to go and they checked themselves in the mirror before he opened the hotel door closing it behind them.

There were several other couples exiting their rooms at the same time, all of them dressed up for what was likely the last time because of the war. The elevator filled up quickly as everyone went down to the second floor where the ballroom was. A lineup was already at the door and they waited patiently. When they got to the front Bucky handed them the tickets and was given a small token to place on the table between their place settings to show they had paid. A waiter escorted them to their table and took their drink order, a whiskey, neat, for Bucky, and a gin and tonic for Ariel.

Two other couples were already seated at the table for ten and they introduced themselves. Like Bucky, the men were soon heading out to basic training; one of them to the Marines and the other to the Air Force. Soon, two other couples joined them. The one man was joining the Navy and the other, a tall, spare man with glasses admitted he was 4F due to his eyesight.

During dinner the whole table engaged in lively conversation that revealed Bucky could hold his own with two of the men who were college graduates. When dinner was finished an announcement was made that complimentary photographs would be taken of the couples which would be developed overnight and delivered to their rooms before checkout. It appeared that many of the men in attendance were days away from reporting for military duty and the hotel wanted to provide a gift to them as thanks. Offering his hand to Ariel the couple got in line for one of the photographic stations. Ariel stood just in front of Bucky, turning her head towards him when the picture was taken. After giving the photographer their room number Bucky asked Ariel if she wanted to go up to the terrace and look at the crowds outside. One of the other couples said they were going up and the pair of them went together in the elevator. Out in the fresh air both men took their jackets off, placing them over the women's shoulders. Bucky took his cigarettes out, offering one to the other man. The four of them looked over Manhattan, seeing the crowds forming down at Times Square from their vantage point. There was a light fog in the air which gave all the lighting in the area a glowing look. Eventually the chill drove them back inside and they took the elevator back down to the ballroom where the dance was almost ready to begin.

Just a few songs into the set the opening to The Man I Love began and Bucky offered his hand to Ariel, guiding her up to the dance floor which was filling up quickly. It didn't matter that there wasn't much room to dance because at that moment in time what was important was being in each other's arms. Just like when they danced to it in Prospect Park the summer that they met all that Bucky and Ariel were aware of was the person they were with. Bending over to place his lips near her ear Bucky spoke to her.

"Remember dancing to this the night I first told you I loved you?" he asked. "I wanted you from the first moment I met you. That night, you let me dance with other women as long as I came back to you for the slow ones." He pressed his lips against her head as he tried to come up with the right words. "I'm coming back to you, Ariel. You have to believe that because it's the only way I'll believe it. Wait for me and I'll dance only with you for the rest of our lives."

She looked up at him then and placed one hand on his cheek. "I believe you," she answered. "I'll wait for you."

They swayed together along with all the other couples making promises to return, promises to marry, have a family and a home, promises which they made because the thought of not coming home was too terrifying to contemplate. Later, after the countdown, the kiss at midnight, and the singing of Auld Lang Syne they, along with all the other couples, went back to their rooms to spend the night talking, making love, crying, making more love, anything to stave off the moment when they had to leave their nests of make believe to return to a world gone mad.