"The secrets we keep"
Thommy.
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After Thirsk, despite their newfound friendship, Thomas is still madly infatuated. And Jimmy, because of their newfound friendship, learns things he shouldn't have. It's hard to keep things close to your heart when your heart is in your sleeve and you haven't even noticed.
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Tags:
Slow burn, gay panic, some angst, fluff, more angst.
Definitely internalized homophobia and period-typical attitudes.
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Leaving this here for a while:
I format all my writing with spanish conventions, so dialogue uses –dash/hyphens-, quotation marks are mostly for thoughts (sometimes dialogue), and italics are mostly for emphasis. Parentheses and ellipses are used galore the way the gods intended.
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September, pt. II
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Jimmy looked odd when he came downstairs come the morrow, yet nobody noticed because Thomas looked ten times worse and all attention went to him. He looked bad enough for Mrs Hughes to pity him and Ms Elise to pull him aside for a brief talk.
- Something happened – Ms Elise affirmed. Thomas' exhausted sigh was all the response she needed.
- I can't face him again.
Ms Elise looked around to make sure the coast was clear, and slipped him a pinch of herbs in a folded piece of paper.
- Put this in your coffee.
- What is it?
- It will make you sick. Only for a while, of course. I saw many a noble lady use it to excuse themselves from uncomfortable situations. Many a noble man, too. You might even retch on the Duke, with a bit of luck.
That did it. Thomas emptied the paper in his mouth and downed it with a gulp from Ms Elise's tea. She looked at him with eyes wide open. "Alright, then".
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Whatever it was Elise had given him, it worked within the hour. Thomas found himself utterly pale and sweaty halfway through breakfast, much to Mr Carson's dismay (which almost made him feel good again), to the point that Mrs Hughes had to call a couple hall boys to help him back to his bedroom. It couldn't be the footmen, though, for they were required elsewhere.
- Well, given how Thomas has decided to unceremoniously fall ill during a guest stay, I shall require one of you to take his place as the Duke's valet.
Alfred and Jimmy had opposite reactions, the first standing up taller, puffing his chest, and the second looking down at his feet with a disdainful expression. "Not me, please, not me. I hate the man!" Jimmy thought. Not only was the Duke of Crowborough a pansy, but a despicable person to boot. Mr Barrow had his… proclivities, but beyond that he was hardworking and efficient. A tad mean sometimes, and he walked with his chin up way too high, but so did Jimmy, truth be told.
- Since you are first footman, James, I suppose it shall be up to you- - -
- No – Jimmy said immediately. And regretted it twice as fast as he'd said it. He drew a charming smile, the one to pull him out of trouble -. No need to worry, Mr Carson. However, I think Alfred might be better suited for the task.
- What? – exclaimed both Alfred and Mr Carson in unison.
- He does have the experience of waiting on Mr Crawley, sir.
- As I recall that little experiment did not have the happiest of endings.
- That's because Mr Barrow… – Alfred began to retort, but Jimmy nudged him in the ribs with his elbow. (More like in the stomach, given the height difference).
- But Alfred is diligent and he's worked so hard, Mr Carson. I'm sure he'll do better this time.
- Of course, Mr Carson! I will!
The butler eyed Jimmy suspiciously, but his own preference for Alfred helped him overcome such doubts.
- It is settled, then. Alfred, ready yourself. I'll ring the dressing gong in a minute.
- Of course, Mr Carson! – he repeated, more excited than before.
"Thank you!" he mouthed to Jimmy before leaving the servants' hall.
Jimmy did feel a bit guilty, sending Alfred to such a fate. But what he didn't know wouldn't hurt him. For him, it was an opportunity; a proof of recognition. For Jimmy it would have been a struggle, having to pretend he knew nothing, cared for nothing. For Mr Barrow it would have been punishment, and the past year he'd already had enough of that. Truly, sending Alfred forth was the best option.
Jimmy did feel a pang of guilt, though, later in the day when Alfred complained about the Duke's ill mood. "He seemed terribly cross not to see Mr Barrow, but I think I did a good job, me". Jimmy reassured him with a half-smile, though his eyes spoke only of remorse.
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The next morning, Mr Barrow was still missing at the breakfast table.
- Has anyone seen him? – wondered Mr Hughes.
- He must still be sick – said Anna.
- Poor Thomas.
- Poor? Poor me, Mrs Hughes! Poor the honour of this house!
- I can cover for him again, Mr Carson. I don't mind – cut in Alfred.
- Well, someone should check on him, poor Thomas – reiterated Mrs Hughes -. And perhaps we should call Dr Clarkson. See if he can come after seeing to the Duke?
Ms Elise's spoon slipped from her hand with a clang. Mr Carson dedicated her a concerned glare: she was frozen in her seat. In that moment, Jimmy knew something was up.
- Perhaps I could take him breakfast, see how he feels? – she suggested, but she did so in such a soft, nervous voice that no one at the table heard her. Save Jimmy sitting right across her.
He narrowed his eyes and decided to see to this himself.
- I'll do it, Mrs Hughes, if Mr Carson doesn't mind.
- Do what now, James? – said Mr Carson.
- Check on Mr Barrow, of course.
- Oh, mayhaps you can bring him some breakfast, you could. I made 'im soup – said Daisy.
Jimmy smiled at her, all the time aware of Ms Elise's anxious gaze.
- Sure thing, Daisy.
Jimmy removed his napkin and promised to be back soon.
While he waited at the base of the stairs for Daisy to bring him the tray, Ms Elise called to him from the door. Jimmy gave her a wide smile and a surprised look. All fake, of course. He knew what she was about.
- When you see Thomas, could you give him this? – she requested in a whisper - It's a… a remedy, works for me all the time.
- Of course, Ms Elise – he near spelled, condescending the most.
Ms Elise's face went pale, but she said nothing else.
- Here you go, Jimmy – finally Daisy arrived with the tray.
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Smoking in bed, carefree and relieved, Thomas was studying yesterday's paper (seeing how he'd felt actually too sick to read the day prior).
- You don't look sick, Mr Barrow.
Thomas near jumped off the bed. Jimmy stood at the door, with a tray.
- Must be a miracle – the lad went on, mocking.
He knew, alright. Thomas fixed his eyes on him.
- You telling on me?
Jimmy placed the tray on the nearby table, careful not to actually step into the room. Part of him wanted to help but he'd be damned if he didn't keep his distance.
- Should I? Ms Elise seemed so sure you'd fall sick again – Jimmy pulled the folded piece of paper from his pocket, showed it to Thomas, then tossed it on the tray. He was speaking with heavy melodrama in his voice, playing a part he was equal parts amused and upset by.
Thomas ran a hand through his hair, mortified.
- You don't understand- - -
- Maybe I do! I mean, maybe I would, if you told me – he corrected.
Thomas sighed and sat on the edge of the bed, putting out the cigarette.
- You needn't know.
His keeping silent was what bothered Jimmy the most. The lad looked down, pursing his lips in a vexed pout. "Have it your way, Mr Barrow" he thought.
- They're calling Dr Clarkson, you know?
Thomas looked at him, alarmed. Jimmy simply shrugged, and when he spoke again, his voice was flat.
- Might wanna drink that down before he comes. Daisy'll be broken-hearted to learn her soup didn't work.
- So you'll cover me?
- Alfred's playing valet, alright. Don't think he's enjoying it much. A right git, that Duke is.
There was an uncomfortable silence from the both of them. Jimmy couldn't know what Mr Barrow was thinking, but he found himself surprised by the venom in his own voice.
- Sorry – he mumbled.
- What for?
Enough was enough. Jimmy cleared his throat and stepped back into the hallway, trying to look clueless.
- Consider it payback, Mr Barrow – he said as he closed the door.
When he was interrogated at the servants' hall about Mr Barrow's health, Jimmy lied with ease and charm. "He was still asleep, all covered in sweat, and shivering. I struggled to wake him up. He liked the soup, though I don't know if he'll keep it down". He added the perfect flourishes of his usual annoyance to come across as honest. He'd volunteered, but he wasn't paid to play nurse, right?
Mrs Hughes frowned at him, but kept all reprimanding to herself, believing his every word. Mr Carson grumbled about the injustice of the world that seemed so hell-bent on disgracing Downton over the smallest things.
Ms Elise, well, she looked relieved, but even more so she looked confused. Jimmy shot her a complicit smile, but doubted she'd caught its meaning because she kept eyeing him curiously all morning, much to his discomfort.
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At least Dr Clarkson gave Thomas good news, unknowingly. He confirmed Thomas' sickness and granted him three days of rest, and then mentioned the Duke was much better and should probably be able to travel by the end of the week.
Had Thomas not been going through the worst of Ms Elise's "remedy", he would have cheered. He did thank the doctor profusely, though, before falling deep asleep.
When he woke up, the light was making its way directly through his window, signalling noon had come and gone now. He felt much better, but not enough yet to stand.
Sometime later, a gentle knock and a soft voice called for him from the corridor. He recognized Ms Elise.
- Come on in – Thomas said, his voice surprisingly coarse. He cleared his throat.
- How are you feeling? I asked to bring you some lunch.
- What… poison it is you're giving me, for god's sake?
- You need not know the ingredients. Only that it works – really, Ms Elise's quiet voice seemed to very poorly match the mischievous nature of her words.
- Should I be alarmed?
Her playful smile did nothing to soothe Thomas. "What even goes down in a royal court that you would learn this, woman? – he pondered, mildly unnerved - Am I lucky O'Brien never had these tools at her disposal".
He propped himself on his elbows and took a look at the food on the tray. "The soup is just for you, I'm told. Daisy won't serve anyone else" informed Ms Elise. Feeling quite pampered, Thomas smirked and reached for the bowl. Good, sweet Daisy, paying him such kindness even after he'd been so cruel to her in the past. He'd have to take it harder against Alfred for still preferring Ivy over her.
- I brought you today's paper, too.
- Thank goodness, I'm bored out of my mind already. Any news from upstairs? – he took a spoonful.
- You'll be glad to know the Duke will most likely be leaving soon.
- So I heard – he said, relieved. The soup tasted particularly delicious after that.
- I am to play again tonight, though Lord Grantham doesn't seem very pleased with my repertoire.
- You play german music. Mr Crawley was in the war.
- I suffered the war, too, right here in England – she reminded -. I think I'll propose some french composers.
- He wants to hear english music. You don't know any?
- Not well enough yet. The Archduke had quite the continental taste, everyone with a title wanted to mimic. And I had no chance to play at the ambassador's.
- You'd mentioned.
- There was an incident, though, with Jimmy.
Thomas paused for a moment, wondering what she meant.
- I'm surprised, too. Thought he'd call on Mr Carson.
- He's quite a good liar – insisted Ms Elise -. I'm good at keeping secrets myself, you don't last in court service if you're not, but lying? I never took to that. And he's so skilled at it!
- He'll be pleased to know that. Might get him to stop moping about the bloody piano – said Thomas in a perfect mixture of irritation and fondness.
- Why do young men lie, Thomas?
He frowned, grim expression settling on his face.
- Don't you dare suggest that – he gritted, jaw tight.
Ms Elise shook her head, apologetic.
- I did not mean it like that, I'm sorry. It's just… I guess I just realized I should not take him at face value. And here I hoped working for a smaller house would finally spare me all intrigue – she smiled for herself -. You're very similar, the both of you. Unfortunately so.
- Not in the one way that matters.
- Hence the unfortunate. Do you think you'll ever allow yourself to find somebody else? Even if they don't have Jimmy's charm?
- So long as they have his wit.
- You find him witty? – she giggled so sincerely at the thought, she made Thomas blush.
- He can snap back, that's for sure. Sharp retorts – he argued.
- I think most people would call that a tantrum, Thomas – she said, condescending.
- Don't you have work to do? Some shoes of her Ladyship's to clean, or something?
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As the staff readied themselves for dinner, Mr Carson welcomed them with a harsh reprimand against Ms Elise. He was red in the face with indignation, "You may have been allowed to address the archduke himself in such manner, but here in Downton we never take such disgraceful liberties! Disgraceful, Ms Elise! Disgraceful!"
- My, my, what ever happened? – inquired Mrs Hughes. Mr Carson was so shaken he couldn't find the words to answer.
Jimmy, who had just walked into the room, burst out in laughter when he recognized what the conversation was about. Mr Carson looked ready to strangle him too.
- The Duke's french is rather atrocious – muttered Ms Elise, looking mortified but not regretful, still clad in her evening dress.
Jimmy couldn't help but laugh even harder. He tried to steady himself, he really did, but he'd witnessed the interaction in the drawing room and remembering it in the servants' hall finally gave him the opportunity to react properly. What a struggle it had been to remain professional upstairs.
- She dared correct his Lordship the Duke's accent – explained Mr Carson.
- And grammar – added Ms Elise in a murmur.
- And grammar!
Mrs Hughes stared in poorly disguised amusement.
- My, was it that bad?
- Atrocious – whispered Ms Elise.
Mr Carson couldn't believe the lack of repentance in Ms Elise's voice, or the lack of decorum from the footmen. At his point, his look was so murderous that Jimmy had to flee the room. He joined Alfred in the kitchen who was also laughing and telling the kitchen staff the story so that they may laugh as well.
- Calm down now, Mr Carson. Let us have this. None of us like the Duke.
- That is no excuse to be uncourteous to a guest of his Lordship, Mrs Hughes.
- Is a teaching moment not a courtesy? It might do him well to be humbled a bit. Was the Duchess offended?
Mr Carson blinked in frustration, taking a deep breath.
- She also laughed, Mrs Hughes. Alongside Lady Rose.
- Well, then we can let it pass, surely.
- We shall discuss this more thoroughly in the morning, when that undignified howling cackle in the kitchen has stopped – he said to Ms Elise before retiring to his office.
As soon as he walked out, Mrs Hughes and Ms Elise erupted in laughter too.
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Jimmy told the story to Mr Barrow as soon as he went upstairs. Knocked on his door and detailed the interactions from the doorway, still finding it in him to laugh heartily. "Thought you'd like to hear it, Mr Barrow".
It was very pleasing for Thomas, of course, to know that Philip had met some humiliation, however small, himself. That it had been at the hands of dear mousy Ms Elise, and on a topic that no over-confident Duke would ever expect to be surpassed in by a maid, was all the more. She didn't even speak french, she'd just grown incredibly familiar with it from years of hearing nobles around her. The irony made Thomas smile. Still, he couldn't help wondering why Jimmy had considered it so important to let him, of all people, learn what went on with the Duke of Crowborough with such urgency.
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Thomas felt better just in time to bid the Duke and Duchess farewell. He was beaming as he stood before the entrance, watching the footmen load the luggage. Philip looked furious whenever he was not speaking to the Granthams, it was his smart, rich wife who handled all the courtesies with the blunt charm of an american not yet fully familiar with english custom.
The Lady Mary was smiling a good deal as the car drove away. It took Thomas all of his strength not to smile wider than her.
"Good to see him leave, innit, Mr Barrow?" said Jimmy as they headed back inside, pressing Thomas' arm slightly before walking past him. Thomas stopped amidst the hall, surprise tinting his cheeks pink, his eyes piercing Jimmy's back.
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This second part and the next chapter are kinda short. I don't want things to get overwhelming due to ffnet's shitty formatting. If only I could have tabulation in here! Alas!
Not me evidencing that the series I watched with my mom right before Downton Abbey was netflix's Die Kaiserin. Ms Elise exists for two reasons: give Thomas all of the hugs (gods know that man NEEDS it) and get shit done.
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See you (my one reader) next friday! Remember to review! XD