Chapter 2 - Louise's Secret

"Coffee?"

You blinked open your eyes when you heard your aunt's voice, realising that you had dozed off on the sofa in the shop.

She smiled down at you, handing over a steaming mug that said I *heart* Hell's Kitchen.

Returning the smile you accepted it gratefully and as you cradled it in your hands she sat down beside you.

"What's up?" she asked tentatively, concern in her eyes. "David?"

You took a sip of coffee not sure you wanted to tell her that the nightmares were back. She knew about them, of course. They had really stressed out your mother, who could be even more neurotic than you if that was possible, and had confided in her only sister over the years.

When you remained silent, always the perceptive one Louise quickly put two and two together. "Oh."

She sighed gently. "I wondered if being in New York again would be a problem."

Your mother had stopped visiting your aunt after the accident because she didn't want to make things worse for you. Though Louise thought it a little extreme, she never had any complaints about visiting Ohio more often instead. Although she loved Hell's Kitchen and would get very defensive of her home when people put it down, she still enjoyed getting away occasionally.

You had missed The Nook but were relieved that you didn't have to go back. And the longer you and your mother stayed away, the harder it became to change the routine. Your aunt loved visiting Ohio and your mother loved the fact that she didn't have to drive all the way to New York. When the Incident happened, and terrified the living daylights out of her, it cemented your mother's decision to never return to New York. And although you were old enough to travel there yourself by then, you secretly shared her paranoia that if an alien invasion had happened there once, there was always a possibility it could happen again. Truth be told, you were still a little nervous about it.

"Your mother said they had stopped," she added carefully, though her tone was curious.

"They did," you quickly returned, turning your head to look at her. "I've been fine. For years. I think…" You took a deep breath. "I think what David did might have been the catalyst - the nightmares have often been triggered when I've been stressed or upset - then coming back to New York made things worse, and then discovering that Karen actually knows Matthew…all those things combined just…I dunno…pushed me over the edge."

You reached across to place your coffee on the table in front of the sofa and then twisted around to properly face her, pulling your legs up beside you. "Why am I so weird, Lou?"

She laughed, but not unkindly. "You're not weird y/n. At least, no weirder than the rest of us!"

"Then why won't my stupid brain just let it go? It's been so long. Too long." You chewed down upon your lip fretfully. "Surely it's not…normal… to still be dwelling like this." Your shoulders heaved. "It was such a blow having the nightmares come back when I honestly thought they had gone for good this time." You shook your head bitterly. "It's wearing me out, Lou. It truly is."

Louise turned on the sofa, mirroring you. "I'm no psychologist, y/n. I don't have any answers. I wish I did. It's just one of those things. You witnessed something terrible at a very young impressionable age. It frightened you. It left a mental scar. A scar that never properly healed. It happens to a lot of people. Childhood trauma." She shrugged sadly. "Abuse, losing loved ones, bullying, witnessing bad things like you did…Things that stay with your forever, even when you bury them deep."

She looked distant for a moment, pensive.

"When I was about five or six," she continued. "A woman committed suicide in the building where we lived. She jumped from a window."

Your eyes widened. "Oh my god."

"I never saw her do it. I wasn't even home when she did. But I knew what she looked like. She had even spoken to me a few times and was always kind." She hesitated and a shadow flitted across her face. "Later that same day, I overheard my parents talking about it. Your grandfather hadn't seen her actually commit suicide but he had seen her body, and something he said about it disturbed me enough to create an image of it in my head. That, and the fact that this pretty smiling lady had jumped out of a window and killed herself, gave me nightmares for quite a while, and even though that image was not even real, it was just a manifestation of my shock and struggle to process death at such a young age, I've never forgotten it."

You wanted to ask her what your grandfather had said but your aunt quickly changed the subject.

"Now you actually witnessed the accident that blinded Matthew. Though you weren't the victim, you were still a part of it. That's so much worse than what happened to me. And if I still have that bad image in my head after all these years, and it still occasionally slips into the odd thought or dream, well…I don't think it's weird or abnormal to be affected how you have."

Smiling warmly, she reached across to gently caress your cheek with the back of her hand. "And you've always been a sensitive little thing. Kind. Compassionate. I think you simply care more than most. Have a stronger empathy."

You felt yourself flush at her words. You didn't think you cared more than anyone else, things just tended to prey on your mind more intensely and for longer. Only the other day you had read about some poor people who had been murdered in New York and the sicko who did it actually took their photos before they had been killed. It had some connection to one of those people with super powers…Jessica someone…Jessica Jones. Just thinking about how those victims must have suffered terrified you.

Your aunt frowned thoughtfully as she watched you and it was as if a lightbulb had suddenly lit up above her head. "Maybe you should meet him. Maybe it would help."

You gaped at her as she withdrew her hand. "What?!"

She looked a little sheepish as she fleetingly glanced down. When she met your gaze again there was a hint of guilt in her eyes. "Look, I've got a confession to make. There's something I've never told you. I just didn't see the point while you were so far away in Ohio."

Your head instinctively drew back a little warily. "Tell me what?"

"Your uncle and I have known Matthew for quite a few years now. Pete occasionally orders him books in braille. We've actually known his friend, Franklin, and his family, even longer. His parents owned Nelson's Meats until very recently. Now his brother Theo runs it."

"Woah, slow down, Lou!" You stared at her in shock. "You actually know Matthew Murdock?"

"He and Franklin often come into the shop, though they've been so busy lately with some huge case that it has only been Karen popping in, stopping by for a quick coffee and to collect Franklin's savoury muffins." She grinned. "He loves my baking almost as much as he hates me calling him Franklin. He prefers Foggy."

You blinked at her in a daze. "Why have you never told me any of this?"

"Well, you seemed like you had finally gotten over it," she answered apologetically. "And I didn't want to trigger anything again. Like I said, I didn't see the point while you were in Ohio and unlikely to ever return to New York, unless it was for mine or your uncle's funeral."

"Oh, don't say that, Lou!" you admonished.

"But now you're here…and the nightmares are back. I do seriously think you should meet him. See him as the man he has become. Not the screaming little boy you remember. I really think it would help."

"So all this time I've been chatting to Karen, you've known she was friends with Matthew? Why didn't you say anything? I've been here nearly two weeks!"

"I had your best interests at heart, sweetie, believe me. I thought if I overwhelmed you with too much information it might make things worse. But when you and Karen hit it off, I was hoping it would all just happen organically. You'd eventually give in to her badgering, go to Josie's one evening, finally meet Matthew, and it would set your mind at rest for good. Then, I would confess my sins and beg your forgiveness," she teased. "But by that stage you would have passed that feared hurdle and just be in a better state of mind."

You swallowed and turned away, reaching for your coffee and cradling it in your hands again as you tried to assimilate all what Louise had told you. Part of you felt a little angry that she had kept it from you, but a stronger part understood why she had.

After a few sips you lowered the mug to your knees. Annoyingly, your heart had started racing. "What's he like?" you asked a little nervously, at the same time acknowledging how strange this felt. You had never thought about the grown up Matthew Murdock. Actually, that wasn't entirely true. One time in college you had spontaneously Googled his name, just out of curiosity, to see what would come up. But nothing had, except a brief archive news article about the accident.

Louise grinned, relaxing back against the sofa and folding her arms. "A charmer."

You glanced back at her again. "Really?"

"Oh my, yes. And handsome to boot. Has the most beautiful smile. He certainly attracts the ladies."

A small smile twitched at your own lips. You were glad about that. It sounded like he was happy.

"And is he…ok…being blind?" The moment the words were out of your mouth you realised how stupid they sounded.

"Oh, y/n. Matthew has been blind most of his life. It's part of him now. He uses a stick, obviously, but he gets around pretty niftily. See, that's what I mean. You've got empathy overload. Which isn't a bad thing but sometimes you've got to reel it in a bit for your own sanity."

"I just…well, the thought of being blind. Hell, I still sleep with a night light!"

"You never did like the dark, did you? I remember you insisting on having the light on all night when you visited."

"I just feel…so bad for him. Well, anyone who is blind. It must be horrible."

"People adapt. Learn to live with it. And it hasn't hindered him one little bit. He's a successful lawyer, with his own practice, that has been doing extremely well lately, which is why I haven't seen The Scooby Gang - that's what Karen jokingly calls them - for so long. Actually, I think this is the longest work has kept them away. I miss Franklin praising my baking." She chuckled. "He's very vocal about it."

You sat back, continuing to process all what Louise was telling you.

"I really don't think I could face him. Honestly, Lou. I'd feel so…uncomfortable. So embarrassed."

"He doesn't need to know about the nightmares."

"But I'd know."

Your aunt sighed. "Well, I'm not going to pressure you into anything. But if you continue to help out in the shop, he's going to turn up eventually, either for coffee or a book order."

You dropped your head back in despair, not quite knowing what to do. You couldn't face going back to Ohio right now, yet The Nook wasn't going to be the sanctuary you had hoped it would be if you were too scared to go out into the shop. And you so loved helping your aunt behind the counter."

"I suppose I could do the baking in the kitchen. Or help Uncle Pete with the book orders or something."

"It's entirely up to you, sweetie. Just know that we love having you here. And you can stay as long as you want. As long as you need. And fortunately," she grinned, mischief sparking though her tone, "…you inherited my baking gene. Those chocolate cupcakes you made yesterday - oh my god - they sold so quickly!"

You smiled. "Baking de-stresses me. I love it. Find it relaxing."

"Well, bake away, girl. It'll be nice to have a break from it." She stood up. "Anyway, I'll go make us some breakfast. Scrambled eggs ok?"

"Eggs would be great, thanks," you smiled as you stood up as well.

Her gaze softened as she watched you. "So, am I forgiven?"

She looked so concerned, that you felt bad. "Do you even need to ask?" you reassured her. "You're my favourite aunt! I could never be mad at you for long!"

You suddenly found yourself in her arms, being hugged tightly.

"I'm always here for you, darling," she soothed into your hair. "I love you and just want you to be happy. You…" she faltered, seeming wary of continuing, but then she ploughed on anyway. "You didn't deserve what David did to you."

Your chest tightened painfully and when you swallowed your throat burned. "I loved him so much, Lou. Six years we'd been together." Though tears pricked at your eyes, your hands clenched angrily. "Six fucking years!"

With a gasp she held you at arms length. "Yes, girl, you curse it out," she encouraged with an approving smile.

"The bastard!" you raged for good measure.

You quickly deflated though, acknowledging just how much you still loved that bastard. But your aunt had already snatched up your coffee mug and was heading back towards the counter.

"Breakfast will be ready in about ten minutes," she called out as her flip flops slapped up the stairs. "Be there or be square!"

You rolled your eyes, though it was affectionately meant.

When you heard your aunt shut the door to the upstairs apartment, you scrubbed a sleepy hand across your face as you stood alone in the quiet, empty, shop. You felt as if you were trapped in a minefield of emotions and you knew whichever way you stepped was going to trigger a crippling explosion.

But was Louise right? Could meeting Matthew Murdock really help? Could it be that simple? It was true what your aunt had said, he didn't need to know about the nightmares. If you could just manage to suppress the awkwardness and embarrassment for a little while, pretend to be someone a little less pathetic, someone confident and bubbly - like Karen - he could end up banishing your nightmares for good and be none the wiser.

And then you felt something that took you totally by surprise. Something that was quite unexpected given the circumstances.

A sudden, nervous curiosity, to see that beautiful smile for yourself.