Christian

It's been a few months since that name was carved in my arm and I'm doing the best I can to move on. I have a new submissive named Sasha and she's a pretty thing with chocolate brown eyes and wavy chestnut hair that rests a few inches below her shoulders. She's petite, but it makes it easier to throw her around. She's timid and her voice is soft, but we're working on her confidence.

I watch the back of her soft wavy hair while she plates us dinner.

"Master?"

"Yes, doll?"

"Is there something wrong with me?" She turns toward me with a soft pout on her thin lips and I actually feel guilty about it.

"Nothing is wrong with you." I don't understand why she thinks that.

She searches my face while she chews on the inside of her cheek.

"Sasha, you may speak freely. You know mealtimes are free times."

She nods and places my glass of wine in front of me. "Yes, sir. I know. I'm just feeling self-conscious."

My eyebrows knit together. "Tell me why."

"Well... um..." She looks down at her fingers. "We've had a lot of weekends together now and all you've used were toys and your fingers. I worry you don't find me attractive."

I swallow. I've had a harder time at forgetting about the name on my wrist than I thought I would. I blow out a breath. "It isn't you. You're beautiful. To be honest, I'm struggling to navigate a few things in life and it seems to have caused issues in that department."

Her shoulders relax but her frown deepens. "Oh, master. I'm sorry to hear that. I hadn't meant to pry. It was just on my heart. I thought I did something wrong."

I force a small smile and give her a wink. "You did nothing wrong. You're perfect. If this is a continuing issue, I will completely understand if you want to break our contract. You'll still be paid in full. It isn't your fault."

She shakes her head and reaches over the island to take my hand and I allow her to take it. "Oh, no, sir. I'd like to try to help you. I love being here with you and I'd never abandon you when you're fighting through something."

I laugh. "You won't abandon me, eh?"

Giggling, she shakes her head. "This is a commitment that I intend to keep. Thank you for sharing something with me that you didn't have to."

"You're very sweet and I appreciate your words, but if you don't get back to the stove our dinner is going to burn."

Gasping, she releases my hand and hurries back to the skillet. "Yes, you're right."

I hate how sweet she's being to me. I don't deserve it. She's a sweet girl and pretty new to the lifestyle still. I wonder how much of that sweetness will stay when she's a decade in.

I wonder if Anastasia is this sweet. I've always had a soft spot for sweethearts. Probably because I'm such an asshole.

I shake my head. I shouldn't be thinking about the girl on my wrist when I'm supposed to be getting over her. I need to let Elliot have her. Neither of us are going to want to share. I can't ruin this for him. I don't want a mate. I don't deserve a mate.

XxXxXx

"Jesus, Christian! What has you in such a tizzy?"

"You said that this lifestyle would help! You said that it'd keep fate and my force away! You swore it worked for so many people? Well, it's bullshit, Elena! It's nothing but fucking bullshit!" I've practically stormed into her salon and straight to her office where I slammed the door so hard her framed license fell off the wall. I am so angry. I just lost my damn submissive after another month of not being able to get hard enough to fuck her. Help me through it, my ass!

"What are you talking about!"

"I was branded! That is what I am talking about! I just lost a second perfectly good submissive because of it! What the fuck am I going to do now? When I told you how I didn't want anything to do with this Lycan shit you promised me that this would help! It didn't do anything! it just fucked my head up more!" I tap my head hard. "I can't stop dreaming about this damn girl! I can't even begin to perform for these damn girls that are locked in my playroom anymore! Fuck! My dick used to make himself known before I even got the damn door unlocked and now nothing!" I point to my groin and smack my thighs. "This is fucked up! Everything is fucked up!"

She's out of her chair and grabbing my wrists, trying to find my mark. She manages to push my watch up enough to get a glimpse of it. "Jesus, Christian. You really are marked. This has never happened before. I've never met a Lycan in BDSM that carries a mark."

"Well whoop-de-fucking-do for me being the first! I don't want this, God damn it! It's too fucking complicated! And I'm not even the only one with her mark! I don't even get her to myself! What kind of shit is that!"

Elena looks down at my arm. "What do you mean? Someone else is wearing her mark? Who?"

"Elliot."

"Oh, hell."

"That's an understatement."

"And you're still pretty faced?"

I snort. "I haven't told him, yet."

"Christian. You cannot keep this from him. He deserves to know."

I throw myself into one of the chairs across from her desk and rest my head in my hands. "He was so fucking happy, Len. I couldn't. I couldn't ruin it. He's wanted this since he was a kid. I couldn't ruin it by telling him he'd have to share his mate. Besides... he doesn't have to. This doesn't have to happen. I was happy before this. I don't need a mate."

"But you have one."

I grunt. "I don't share."

"Is this what it's all about? You are fighting so hard against this because you don't want to share her?"

I shrug and lean back, resting my head on the back of the chair while I close my eyes. "This isn't supposed to happen this way."

"It's fate, Christian."

"You know very well that choices can change your fate."

I hear her laugh and I right my head and open my eyes to stare at her. "At this point, I don't know. I thought that it could be changed, but look at you. You didn't want it, you did everything you could to keep it from happening and still, you're marked."

I shake my head. "Everything was going how it should. I had control in every aspect of my life. I live for it. I thrive for it! And this fucking has to happen. I have no control over this! I tried! God damn it did I try! But, I couldn't. I couldn't perform. I couldn't even bear to see them naked anymore. It felt like I was betraying this girl I don't even know. How can I move on and forget this if she's the one controlling my every move!"

"Maybe that's what you need then."

"What?"

Elena looks delighted at her epiphany. "Maybe fate needed to rattle you. Get you out of your comfort zone. Make you grow as a person. It's teaching you a few life lessons. Give up some of the control, Christian. Learn to share."

"I won't share my mate."

"So, you'd rather give her up completely? Let Elliot consume her every thought? You can just watch the two of them live happily ever after while you're left behind? What's better, Christian? Sharing her with someone you would trust with your life or giving her up to him, only to watch from the sidelines?"

"Fuck you, Elena." Neither sit well with me. I'm pissed that she's thinking so damn logically. "There's got to be another option!"

"Leaving your family? Tearing your mother's heart out?"

I shake my head. "I can't just sit here and listen to this. I need to move." Jumping up, I head toward the exit. I need a long run. I need to run until I'm too fucking tired to think about anything.

"Tell him, Christian. He deserves to know."

I slam her door before stalking out of the salon. I hate that she's right. Elliot deserves to know. I feel like by telling him I'll ruin it for him. He's going to kill me.

Elliot

I stare down at a set of blue prints for the changes that are set to happen at Seattle Independent Publishing house. They're doing a complete overhaul and I'm trying to figure out how I can section the construction off in groups so that most of the company can be in normal working order during the process. A few of the upper management are going to work from home so that frees up the back offices, allowing us to tear those apart first.

Taking a pencil, I use a ruler to mark off the back section, writing a large "1" on it. It'll take about a month to complete the 6 large offices and the three Jack and Jill bathrooms between them.

Tapping the pencil on my desk, I gaze over the blueprints again. The employee lounge and kitchen are probably the easiest to complete next. We might as well have the back parking lot resurfaced while that's being finished since the door will be inoperable.

I make notes.

There's a knock on my door and when I look up, I'm surprised to see my brother standing there. I can't even remember the last time he stopped by to see me at work.

"Christian? What's up? What can I do for you?" Looking him over, I can tell that he's stressed. His jaw is tight, his eyes are dark, and the vein in his forehead is throbbing. He looks like he could spit nails.

He makes his way toward me and has a seat in the chair across my desk, but he's rigid. My heart rate spikes, but I do my best to remain calm and relaxed, hoping it rubs off on him. He looks like he's ready to release his wrath and I'm hoping I'm not on the receiving end.

"There's something I need to tell you. Something that I have no control over. Something I don't want."

I'm confused. "Uh, okay? And?"

Slipping off his coat, he begins to unbutton his sleeve and then takes off his watch.

"Why does this something have you undressing?" His eyes flick up to mine and I can almost hear him growl. He's so fucking angry. "Calm down, dude. It was just a joke. Bad timing."

He yanks up his sleeve and shoves his arm out toward me, showing me the inside of his arm. "Look."

I look over his arm. I don't see anything. "At what?"

"God damn it, asshole. Look closer!" He points to his wrist and I lean forward in my chair to look at the inside of his wrist. Then I see it.

I launch out of my seat and slam my hands down so hard on my desk, that I hear it crack. "What the fuck! You fucker. You mother fucker! You think this is some kind of joke?!?" I come stalking around my desk and he jumps up from his seat just in time for me to grab him around his collar. He's a big fucker, but I'm bigger and taller by a few inches. I'll crush him.

"It isn't a joke, Elliot! Calm the fuck down!"

I'm rageful. "Calm the fuck down?" I take a swing, and hit him square in the jaw. The asshole manages to catch himself before he goes flying back on his ass and I find myself wanting to push him to make sure he does. My body is so damn tight. It feels like every damn vein in my body is bulging, my heart beat thrumbing hard through every part of me. The woosh is so loud in my ears that I can't even understand what he's mumbling as he's bent over double, holding his jaw.

"She's mine, asshole. This is my mate."

He nods and finally stands up straight, still holding his jaw. "I know. I didn't ask for this, El! Fuck, I don't want this! Do you think that I want to ruin this for you? Do you think I want to give up my lifestyle for this? I tried to ignore it, Elliot! I tried to move past it and get another sub, but I couldn't even fuck her! She was fucking gorgeous and feminine and soft, but I couldn't even get it to move, let alone get it hard! Jesus Christ! It was so fucking embarrassing! This damn name on my arm is taking over my fucking life. I couldn't even bear to touch the sub without feeling like I betrayed a girl that I haven't even met! Everytime I close my eyes, I dream of this girl and I don't even know what she looks like! I find myself thinking of her most of the day, wondering what she looks like, what she's like, what she does every day... hell! I even get pissed at the thought of her being touched by some dickbeater who can't keep his hands to himself... and I don't even know her! I'm trying, El, I really am! But beating the shit out of me won't do anything!"

I growl out and punch the wall, too angry to keep still. The anger that's pulsing through me just keeps getting stronger and stronger, but he's right. I can't beat the shit out of him over something he has no control over.

"God damn it, Christian. Grab your coat." I grab my keys off my desk.

"Why?"

"Because, dickwad, I'm fucking rageful and I can't beat the shit out of you so I need a bag." The gym is the only place I'm going to get this shit out of my system without hurting my brother further.

He crossed his arms and rolls his eyes. "Jesus, Elliot, you're fucking bleeding."

I look down and notice my knuckles on my right hand are bleeding from where they went through the wall and it's dripping onto the cement floor. Before I can blink, my brother has my hand, wrapping it in his silk handkerchief.

It softens my heart a little. He's always been a caretaker, even going as far as ignoring his own health to make sure his loved ones were okay. He's had bloody knuckles more times than I can remember, but I get them once and he acts like I'm going to bleed to death.

I watch him tie the silk tightly and I make a fist, making sure I can still move my hand.

"We need to talk, El."

"I know. Not now. First I need to hit something."

This talk isn't over, but it can wait. I need to get my head together before anything more violent happens.