The Fellowship of the Pen

by Sauron Gorthaur

When the most dangerous and powerful of all Suethor weapons falls into the hands of the LOTR characters and their Sue-slaying protectors, a new quest begins: with Legolas as the Pen-bearer and a Fellowship that, if possible, is even stranger than the last one.

14. Balrogs and Dwarves and Sues, Oh My!

Chapter 13: Balrogs and Dwarves and Sues, Oh My!

The Records of Lord Sauron the Great – Day the Fourth

So, apparently we're not even pretending anymore; we're flat out fraternizing with the enemy.

Now, don't get me wrong. I have nothing but respect for a good double-cross. String your enemy along, let them think they're the ones deceiving you, then WHAM! The moment they show their vulnerability, you descend upon them like werewolves on elven carcasses and make them regret having ever dared to stand up against you. Yeah, that's not what's happening here.

That said, I have to admit that I have a smidgeon – a smidgeon, mind you, of respect for our new member of this disordered mess of a Fellowship. I mean, walking straight into your enemy's camp, convincing them to trust you because you have much-needed knowledge that you pretend to be willing to share for your own devices, waiting for them to become foolishly complacent around you, then WHAM? That's exactly what I myself would have done once upon a time. This Aura may be the only being with two or more braincells to share (other than Yours Truly of course) in this whole world. I'd almost have some respect for her if she pulls it off, despite how tacky and obvious she is.

We've been walking the whole Void-cursed morning. I've learned it apparently takes two things to be a hero: bad decisions and walking. No wonder there are so many heroes running about, as neither of those things seem to take much skill or thought.

About an hour ago, we reached this world's equivalent of the Hithaeglir and have found the entrance to this world's Mines of Moria. However, there's been an "unforeseen holdup". Hmph, if you ask me, this entire quest has been a series of "unforeseen holdups". We should start calling ourselves the Fellowship of Unforeseen Holdups. My question is, at what point though do the holdups stop being unforeseen? I mean, you'd think they'd catch on to the pattern after the fifth or tenth holdup, but as I have noted, critical thinking skills do not appear to be one of the necessary qualities for being a hero.

Which is why I am, and always will be, a Villain.

-Lord Sauron the Great, Lord of Barad-dûr, Mairon the Admirable

~o~o~o~

"Am I crazy or is the hidden gate supposed to be on the western side of the mountains? I thought the eastern entrance was a clear shot," Porter said, picking absently at his sleeve.

Hawk stood facing the blank rock wall in front of them, hands on her hips. "Yes, but apparently this world decided our plotline would be oh-so-much-more interesting if it stuck the secret entrance on this side of the mountains instead." She glanced over at Porter and watched him fiddle with his sleeve. "How's your arm doing?"

Porter gave one of his signature optimistic smiles, but Hawk couldn't help but notice that it was slightly more strained than usual. "Oh, it's fine. Just a little ache, but I don't feel like attacking any of the characters yet or providing any deus ex machina solutions."

His face suddenly lit up brighter than Hawk had seen it all morning. "Wait a minute, maybe that's it!"

Hawk frowned, not following. "What's it?"

"Deus ex machina. I may not be a Gary Stu quite yet, but we do have a Mary Sue with us now."

"You're not going to be a Gary Stu ever," Hawk said fiercely. "We're going to complete this mission and get you back to the Hub."

Porter waved a hand. "You're missing the point, Hawk. We have a Mary Sue with us."

"Yes, and?"

Porter sighed. "Don't you remember that gen ed Mary Sue Fanfic 101 class from the Academy? Everyone had to take it Year One. Mary Sues have a habit of providing deus ex machina solutions to problems that the heroes are struggling to solve. We know there's an entrance here, but we've been searching for nearly an hour and aren't any closer to finding anything than we were before. Maybe we need Aura to take a look."

Hawk's frown deepened. "You know I'm already not wild about the idea of allying with a Sue to begin with. But using her abilities to help us rubs me completely the wrong way. I refuse to use the very powers that we've been trained to eradicate."

"But these are extreme circumstances. We have to get that Pen to the Hearth of Doom, and we don't know how much time we've got." Porter's brow creased. "And I don't just mean me. I have a sneaking suspicion that things aren't going swell in Middle-earth either."

"That's the sort of logic that might lead one to using the Pen," Hawk responded stiffly. "And you remember what they taught us in our OC in a Canon World class: taking shortcuts, using Sue powers, it always corrupts. We don't know what sort of consequences there might be to using Aura's powers."

Porter sighed deeply. "I guess you're right. But in that case, we're going to have to come up with another idea. We can't just keep staring at a blank wall until something unpleasant shows up."

Hawk raised her voice. "Gimli! Join us for a minute?"

The dwarf tromped over, his axe over his shoulder. "How can I assist?"

"You're absolutely sure there's an entrance here?" Hawk said.

Gimli nodded knowledgably. "Oh, there's definitely an entrance of some type. You can see the subtle traces where the stone was chipped away to create this smooth patch of rock on the mountain's side, and when I tapped with my axe, the hollow quality of the sound was unmistakable. Any dwarf would recognize an empty space behind a thin rock covering. It's a concealed entrance all right."

"But you haven't had any ideas about how to get inside?"

Gimli shrugged apologetically. "Even a fellow Dwarf Master would have a hard time uncovering the forgotten secrets of another Master, and I am certainly no Master. It could be anything from a spoken password to touching a certain stone at a certain time of day. There's no telling without more information."

Hawk rubbed her temples. "Well, we can't stand around here forever. We're going to have to come up with an alternate plan if we can't figure out how to get this door open in the next fifteen minutes. Gimli, will you gather everyone over here? We're open to suggestions."

In five minutes, the Fellowship was gathered in front of the rock wall while Hawk explained the situation. "Gimli has informed us that it may be harder than we previously anticipated to get through the mountains from this direction, and I'm sure none of us want to spend the night with our backs against a rock wall and who-knows-what lurking in the darkness. Everyone knows our time constraints, so we're open to any possible solutions."

Faramir raised his hand. "Is there any way we could activate the – what did you call them – the thing that dropped us on this side of the mountains to begin with?"

"An AUSS? No, those are completely random and usually don't happen when the heroes are facing a major plot point, which we seem to be doing right now. We wouldn't be any better off waiting for an AUSS than we would be waiting for the door to divulge its secrets."

Merry was the next one to offer up a suggestion. "Legolas is pretty quiet and good at that unforeseen movement stuff. What if he tried to sneak into Isinguard while the rest of us made some sort of diversion?"

Hawk grimaced. "Splitting up the party usually isn't a good idea, but it did work out for the original Fellowship. We'll keep the idea in reserve if nothing else better comes up. Yes, Pippin?"

The young hobbit lowered his hand. "There are eagles here, right? Can't we just fly there on the eagles?"

Hawk and Porter exchanged a Look. "Tolkien is rolling in his grave right now, isn't he?" Porter muttered.

"Yes," Hawk said. "Yes, I'm sure he is."

"Excuse me?" Hawk and Porter looked up at the sound of the bell-like voice from the back of the Fellowship. Everyone turned their attention to Aura, who was lingering several meters behind the rest of the Fellowship. When she saw that everyone's attention was on her, she looked around hesitantly. "Excuse me, but why aren't you just doing what the door says?"

Hawk's guard came up instantly. "What? What door?"

Aura pointed behind Hawk. Hawk turned around to the wall of stone set in the mountainside. It was still a blank surface. She turned back around suspiciously, opening her mouth, but Porter beat her to it. "Aura?" he asked seriously. "Do you…are you able to see a door?"

Aura blinked, radiating sweet innocence. "Of course. It's glowing bright gold and everything. It's kind of hard not to see." She looked around at everyone else's faces, which ranged from surprised to suspicious. "Oh, it's a Sue thing for me to be able to see it, isn't it?"

Porter glanced sideways at Hawk. "I guess we're getting our deus ex machina after all."

Hawk's jaw clinched. "Nothing good is going to come from this."

Porter shrugged. "Well, we can always use Pippin's suggestion and take the eagles."

"Fine, but we can't make a habit of this or we'll become the very evil we seek to destroy," Hawk responded in the same low voice, then she raised her voice for Aura. "Tell us what you see, Aura."

They all clustered around Aura as she approached the wall. She reached out and touched it, tracing along a line that was invisible to all the rest of them. She shivered. "I think it's made of Valarin gold."

"What the what?" Porter asked, brow creasing.

"Valarin gold," Aura repeated. "You know, the magic gold that the Valar brought with them from the Timeless Halls."

She looked around at the blank stares. "Is that not an actual thing in Middle-earth?"

"No," Hawk said in a slightly strained voice. "No, it's not."

"Oh." Aura frowned. "I guess I must be able to see it because I'm part Valar."

"That tracks, in this world anyway," Porter said. "Can you describe it?"

Aura stepped back, examining the door. "There's an outline, sort of an arch shape that starts here." She touched the stone. "It's pretty tall, eight or nine feet maybe. There's a lot of decoration, lines and stuff, maybe something that might be a dwarf. And there's a big star like shape, with three points, right in the middle, with lines radiating out from all around it."

Hawk was getting impatient. "You said something about doing what the door said. Are there words?"

Aura reached up and touched a new place on the stone. "Yes, there are words right here."

"And you can read them?"

Aura studied them for a second then read out in her clear voice:

A light as bright as Middle-Earth's sun

A darkness as deep as the mountain's core

A pure heart bearing selflessly One

Three shall unite and open the door."

Silence followed in the wake of the verse. Then Hawk pinched the bridge of her nose and muttered, "Maybe we should have just taken the eagles."

"A light as bright as Middle-Earth's sun," Faramir said. "A torch, maybe?"

"A darkness from the mountain's core," Eówyn said. "What comes from the mountain's core?"

"Oh, maybe it's mithril!" Gimli exclaimed. "It's bright but it comes from the darkness of the mountain's core. Does anyone have anything made of mithril?"

Nobody had anything made of mithril.

"That wouldn't explain the third line anyway," Legolas pointed out. "Mithril doesn't have a heart, pure or otherwise."

"Yes, I suppose so," Gimli said, sounding disheartened.

As various members of the Fellowship threw out further ideas, Aura looked back up at the invisible door, staring at it as if mesmerized. Porter looked over and saw her reaching her hand out towards the stone wall again. "Aura, do you see something else? What-"

He didn't get any further, for as Aura touched the wall, a blast of white light shot out in a circle around her. Everyone whirled to face the wall in various degrees of shock, and exclamations of surprise rose from them. Hawk had covered her eyes to protect them from the sudden radiant burst of light, but now as she lowered her hand, her eyes went wide.

There was now a door in the wall, just as Aura had described it, outlined in sparkling gold. Aura stood before it, her hand resting on the three-pointed star that formed the middle of the elaborate design.

"It's not three objects we need," Porter exclaimed. "It's three people. Aura must be the light brighter than Middle-Earth's sun. She's part Valar, plus she's got that light thing she does."

"A darkness as deep as the mountain's core," Hawk muttered. She raised her voice. "Sauron, go put your hand on the door."

Sauron put his hands on his hips. "You didn't say the magic word."

Hawk rolled her eyes. "Really? You of all people caring about manners? All right, fine. Sauron, please go put your hand on the door."

"Soooo, I'm a valuable member of the Fellowship now. Is that what you're saying?"

"What I'm saying is you're going to lose another finger if you don't go over there before I have to ask again."

"Touchy, touchy," Sauron sneered, but he did stride over to the door. Giving Aura a suspicious, sidelong look, he placed his palm flat against the stone over the second point of the star.

Darkness erupted out of the rock face, flowing out and around them, then fading away. The lines of the door turned a fiery red.

Hawk met Legolas's eyes. He glanced down, and she followed his gaze to where he was holding the Pen in his hands. He looked back up at her and nodded. Slowly, he walked up between Aura and Sauron, and without hesitation, he placed his hand on the third point of the star.

Silver light burst from the rocks. The lines of the door flared brilliant silver, and then the sounds of loud cracking filled the clearing. Legolas leapt nimbly back, Sauron covered his face with an armored hand, and Aura lifted her head, her long hair streaming back in the sudden gust of wind blowing dramatically out from the opening gate.

Tiny letters appeared on Porter's map. The Mines of Moriah.

The gate was open.

~o~o~o~

"Help! Somebody, anybody, help! I think she's dying!"

The dungeons of Orthanc resounded with cries of distress, echoing down the dark, forlorn hallway.

"Oh, please help. Somebody quickly!"

Two Sues hurried down the hallway, as fast as they could go while still looking pretty and dainty. They rounded the corner and peered cautiously into the dimly lit cell.

Dena knelt on the floor beside the prone figure of Pixie. When she saw the Sues at the bars, the togruta wrung her hands with appropriate anguish. "She tried to escape, but a rock fell off the ceiling and hit her." Dena indicated a chunk of rock on the floor several feet away. "She fell over and won't wake up. Please, she needs medical assistance. You've got to help."

The two Sues looked at each other, clearly unsure and both hoping the other would make a decision. Dena pressed on. "She could die if you don't do something. That Sue in white who's in charge made it very clear that she wants to deal with us herself. If one of us dies under your watch, who do you think she's going to blame?"

The Sues looked at each other again and apparently came to a mutual fear-based decision. One took a ring of keys from her belt and approached the door. Unlocking it, she cautiously entered the cell.

"See." Dena indicated Pixie's body. "You can see the bruise on her forehead where the rock hit her. I think she got a concussion. No, right here." The Sue leaned over Pixie, trying to catch a glimpse of the wound.

Pixie's fist connected solidly with the Sue's petite, up-turned nose.

She made a very un-Sue-like umph sound and staggered backwards, but Pixie's other fist caught her under the jaw and sent her reeling. Dena leapt up and delivered a crushing roundhouse kick to the second Sue's stomach, which sent her crashing into the wall. "Pixie, quick!" she called to the witch.

The two of them darted out of their cell and slammed the door before either Sue could recover, then they immediately took off down the hallway.

"We did it. Yer crazy plan actually worked," Pixie panted in triumph as they pounded down the hallway. They shot each other breathy, triumphant grins. "Now, I don't suppose ye remember th' way out o' here."

"The stairs they brought us down were just down this hallway and around the bend," Dena said. "Past that, I think we should be on the ground level."

"Wait." Pixie pulled Dena to a halt. "Our gear. They've still got it stowed away here somewhere."

Dena shook her head. "We don't have time. Those Sues aren't going to stay stunned long and we've got to get out of the tower before they raise the alarm or we'll be easily trapped inside."

Pixie still hesitated. "We'll be trapped in Middle-earth if we don't get our medallions back at least. An' I don't know about ye, but I don't like the thought o' runnin' into any more enemies without our weapons."

"They'll send more Agents after us if we don't get back to the Hub soon," Dena replied. "And we're not completely defenseless. That was one heck of a punch back there."

"Yeah," Pixie conceded. "And that wasn't too shabby o' a kick either…for a former Sue anyway." She scowled. "Those Sues are gonna pay if I don't get my wand back though. I calibrated that thing by hand…"

She was still talking when they rounded the corner and ran slap-bang into a hulking figure standing at the base of the stairs. Pixie looked up and her eyes widened. "Thor…"

Their Stu-ified former companion grabbed each of them with a meaty hand and tossed his head, causing his long, blond locks to swirl around his shoulders. "Thor, it's us!" Pixie shouted. "Thor, it's me! Pixie!"

"Now, now," Thor said, in an annoying voice as if he were talking to two naughty children, "you two aren't trying to escape, are you?"

"O' course we're tryin' to escape, ye fuzz-faced eejit!" Pixie said. "Thor, don't ye remember who ye were…who we are? Ye were sent here wi' me to stop th' Sues, not help them."

Thor shrugged languidly. "The Queen has already taken Isengard and Rohan, and she will soon have all of Middle-earth under her control. No amount of Sue-Slayers can stop her now. It's an honor to serve one so powerful. Now, let's get you back to your cell, you two."

"No, Thor!" Pixie tried to struggle, but Thor began dragging them bodily back down the hallway from whence they'd come, his grip unshakable. "Thor, it's not over yet, not unless we all give up. Come on, ye great, puddin'-headed, meat-faced eejit lump! Remember just last night when we were back in th' Hub havin' a movie an' popcorn? Ye were scratchin' yer tally from th' day before into that bloody ol' axe shaft o' yours and ye said how much ye loved yer job. Do ye remember that?"

Thor ignored her and continued to drag them down the hallway. His blue eyes were unnaturally bright, but also strangely dulled at the same time.

Pixie was close to tears. "They can't do this t' ye, Thor. They just can't. I'm gonna curse that Sue so hard that all her pretty hair falls out an' she loses all her teeth."

They reached the cell. The two Sues were gone, and Thor pushed them back through the door. Both stumbled and before they'd turned around, Thor had pulled the barred door back closed with a clang. Dena ran to the door, clinging to the bars as Thor started to walk away. "Thor!" she called after him. "I know my friend is still in there somewhere. You believed in me, that I could become more than a Sue when I was at the Academy, and I believe in you. Thor, you can still do the right thing."

Thor hesitated for a moment, but then he turned his back on both of them and strode off down the hallway until he was lost to sight down the passage. Dena let go of the bars and staggered back to drop down beside Pixie, who was sitting on the floor sobbing from a combination of grief and helpless anger. The togruta hesitated then cautiously rubbed the witch's shoulders. Pixie's sobs halted momentarily then continued with twice the force as before.

"Well, well, ain't you two a sight for sore eyes?"

Dena's head shot up at the sound of a familiar voice from outside the cell door. Figlock was perched nimbly on one of the crossbars, leaning roguishly on one arm and swinging the key ring with the opposite paw.

Dena rushed to the door. "Figlock, you're all right! It's so good to see you."

The squirrel chuckled. "Good to see you too, matey. Now, let's get you both out quick-like. Bars ain't a good look on either of you."

~o~o~o~

The gate of Moriah loomed open before the Fellowship.

There was a moment of stunned silence, as everyone stared at the intimidating portal of darkness in front of them, but then Hawk adjusted her crossbow strap resolutely. "All right, everyone. Faramir, I have a feeling your ranger skills will come in useful, so you're up front with me. Porter, you and Gimli will guard our backs. Everyone else, get in pairs of two and line up in the middle. No one stray off on your own. And we don't know what might be lurking in there, so try to keep as quiet and unobtrusive as possible. We'll get some torches going, and then head in."

As they entered, darkness surrounded them almost immediately, pressing in upon them from every side like a thick blanket. Far away came faint sounds of something dripping, but other than the soft shuffle of feet, it was eerily quiet. Hawk led the way with one torch. Eówyn, in the middle of the group with Merry, held a second torch, and Porter brought up the rear with the third and final torch.

It was hard to tell how much time passed, but it seemed like hours that they walked, sometimes two-by-two and occasionally in single file when they came to a particularly narrow part of the passage. Everyone was silent, broken only by an occasional whispered conference between Hawk and Faramir as they decided which direction to take at splits in the passage.

Legolas was directly behind Hawk, with Pippin walking at his side. In the pale light of Hawk's torch, the young hobbit looked nervous, and Legolas did his best to keep up a confident appearance for his companion. But inside, he felt something like a building panic. It had started slow, no more than a slight unease at the edge of his thoughts, but it was growing. At first, he assumed it was simply the claustrophobic surroundings of the pressing darkness and the walls of stone on every side; he was an elf after all, and elves were made for the stars and the trees and the great expanse of the sky. But as the hours passed, he began to suspect it was more than that. His sharp hearing kept picking up faint sounds, right on the edge of his perception, like something moving in the darkness. A prickling sensation crept up his spine, as if there were unseen eyes fixed upon him.

They stopped briefly at a three-way break in the passage. While Hawk and Faramir consulted, Legolas glanced back at the rest of the Fellowship. Behind him, Eówyn looked firm and undaunted, holding her torch steadily. Behind the Shieldmaiden, he could make out the tall, dark outline of Sauron and beside the Dark Lord, the fainter, lighter outline of Aura.

Aura. Legolas still wasn't sure what to think of their tenth walker. The very idea of traveling with a Sue was one that was proving difficult to wrap his head around, but at the same time, she had already proved her usefulness to them twice. She had helped them get into the Mines of Moriah, but it was yet to be proven whether that would ultimately be a good thing or a bad thing…

He thought back to the moment when he'd been standing between Aura and Sauron, all three of their hands placed together against the gate as silver light cascaded around them. They were probably the last two people in any universe that he would have expected to stand alongside. A Dark Lord and a Sue – two of the oldest and most dangerous enemies of his world – and yet the three of them had joined together to possibly take a significant step towards saving that same world.

That was, if both of them could be trusted.

He glanced further back to Gimli and Porter bringing up the rear. He met Gimli's eyes briefly and his best friend gave him a cheerful thumbs up. Legolas smiled to himself. At least Gimli seemed unaffected by their situation.

Porter on the other hand… Legolas glanced at the Sue-Slayer. He was grimacing, and as Legolas watched, his hand strayed to his arm, rubbing at it absently. His torch dipped a little, as if he was having trouble holding it. Legolas frowned but was distracted by Hawk calling for a short rest.

They stopped in a wider chamber and pulled out their food. The hobbits flopped down gratefully, scarfing down their rations. Legolas seated himself on a rock and ate his portion at a measure pace, his eyes scanning back and forth restlessly. He didn't know why, but he felt particularly vulnerable just sitting here in the darkness and he hoped they would get moving again soon.

Legolasssss.

His head shot up. Was that a voice he had heard, or was it merely some draft from deep in the mines blowing through some dark passage? His hand slipped automatically into his pouch, and he relaxed somewhat as he felt the smooth surface of the Pen. If something truly terrible happened, he could use it after all. Surely, Hawk and Porter would want him to, if it meant the difference between the destruction of the Fellowship and their safe escape from these dreadful dark mines.

"Are we going to be all right, Legolas?"

Legolas looked up as Pippin plopped down cross-legged in front of him. The hobbit looked uncharacteristically jumpy and nervous, his head turning to and fro to glance at the ring of darkness around them.

Legolas hesitated then put on a brave smile. "We've come through many perils already, and I am confident that our guides will lead us true once again," he said. "Stay close in the light of the torches, and I will stay by your side, no matter what happens." He found himself feeling better as he said it; somehow it was easier being confident for the young hobbit than it was for himself.

Pippin still looked uneasy. "I keep thinking there's something out there," he whispered, as if afraid that saying it would bring it into reality. "It's like the darkness is trying to wiggle its way into my mind."

Legolas looked out into the darkness too. "I know, I feel it too. But if we stick together and work together, I have this feeling we'll come through it all right."

They moved on, and the monotony of darkness and silence took over once again. Legolas's thoughts strayed back to Aura again. She'd told them all an abbreviated form of her story on the way to the mines, and strangely enough, Legolas had to admit he'd felt a tiny bit sorry for her. Sure, he'd heard any number of Sue sob stories – everything from Orphan!Sues whose parents had died in the most tragic ways possible to Sues who had been horribly bullied in Middle School (whatever world that was, but it seemed to be populated by an alarming number of bullies) – so over the years he'd become immune to that type of thing. But something about Aura's story resonated with him.

If this quest is about me finding my Story, I can't blame Aura for wanting to find her Story too…

He shuddered to think what it would be like not to have a Story, the comfort of knowing the path you were on and what your purpose for existing was. And yet at the same time, sympathizing with a Sue didn't sit entirely right with him.

What if Sues were not so different from him and his fellow characters as he'd always believed? What would that mean for him? For Middle-earth?

"Hawk!"

Eówyn's sudden cry from behind him caused Legolas to jerk to a halt, as did Hawk and Faramir directly in front of him. Pippin wasn't so fast to react and bumbled directly into the back of Faramir's legs, but the ranger kindly caught him by the shoulders and stopped him from falling over. Everyone looked at Eówyn.

The shieldmaiden pointed behind them. "We're missing Porter and Gimli."

It was only at that moment that Legolas realized there was no third pool of light from Porter's torch bringing up the rear.

Hawk pushed her way through the Fellowship. "Porter?" she called out. "Gimli?"

Porter. Gimli. Her voice echoed back hollowly before being swallowed up in the darkness.

Pippin started to cry softly. Legolas reached down to rub his shoulder comfortingly.

Hawk turned sharply to Sauron and Aura. "You both were right in front of them. Did you hear or see anything?" When both shook their heads, Hawk put her hands on her hips, anger and exasperation rising in her voice. "You're telling me neither of you noticed anything? Didn't you notice there was no longer any torchlight coming from behind you?"

Sauron held out his hands. "It's not like I was walking backwards, and I'm used to the dark. Plus, I was…busy."

"Busy? With what? Lifting one foot and putting it in front of the other?"

Sauron snorted. "No, I'm quite adept at that. I was…writing poetry."

"Writing poetry?" Hawk's voice rose an octave.

Sauron looked aggrieved. "Hey, it takes a lot of skill, talent, and concentration. If you're not a poet, don't judge."

Hawk rolled her eyes and turned to Aura. "And you? I suppose you were writing poetry too?"

"No," Aura said quietly.

"And you didn't notice anything? Not with all your super Sue powers?"

"No," Aura answered, her voice even more subdued.

Hawk's voice went deadly low. "Was it that, or was it your job to get us all in here, in the dark, and then Not Notice when we all started going missing?"

The rest of the Fellowship all looked at Aura, their eyes suddenly glinting with suspicion.

Aura looked around at them then back at Hawk. Her voice rose. "I didn't have anything to do with them disappearing. I promise I'm here to help you, not to ruin your quest."

Several mutters came from the Fellowship. Hawk turned around abruptly. "We'll have to back track to find them. Everyone stay extra close and keep an eye on everyone else. We don't need anyone else getting picked off or falling behind." She turned back to Aura, dark eyes spitting fire. "And let's just make this absolutely clear, Sue. If I find out you had anything whatsoever to do with Porter and Gimli's disappearance, I'm going to personally cut your heart out. Do you understand?"

Aura's immaculate rose lips came together tightly. "Yes, I understand perfectly," she answered. "Just because I'm a Sue doesn't mean I'm stupid."

Hawk held her gaze for several seconds longer as if she wished her eyes were daggers that could stab the Sue right on the spot, but then she whisked back around. "Come on, we're going to find Gimli and Porter."

~o~o~o~

The Sue in white, with Saruman at her side, stood on the ridge overlooking Pelennor Fields, her crystal blue eyes fixed on Minas Tirith like an eagle on a mouse. "There you are," she purred to herself contentedly.

Saruman glanced at her, then back down at the heavily fortified city of men across the fields from them, and raised an eyebrow. The Sue seemed exceptionally confident that Minas Tirith would stand no chance against them, but Saruman had a decent amount of experience with siege warfare, and he was fairly sure you needed things like battering rams, siege towers, catapults, etc. for an endeavor such as theirs. Things they definitely hadn't brought with them.

"So, now that we're here, what is your plan?" Saruman asked, keeping his voice casual.

The Sue looked at him, amusement twitching in her lips. "You doubt that I can do as I claim?"

Saruman's face remained as smooth as the white walls across the fields from them. "Not at all. I am merely curious as to what new innovations you have in store for our friends down there."

"The diplomatic answer as always, Saruman," the Sue responded. "But it doesn't conceal the truth from me. You doubt my power is as great as I claim. Not to worry, you are forgiven for your misgivings. My powers will be proven to you in full by sundown, by which time I will have taken the Citadel of Men for my own and completely subdued the first race of Middle-earth. And tomorrow, the rest will follow."

Saruman kept his eyes coolly fixed on Minas Tirith, but inside something like fear pricked at his heart.

The Sue continued to pin him with her gaze. "Does it bother you, turning your back on your fellow characters?"

Saruman did look at her then and flashed her a thin smile. "I am confident that I have chosen the winning side and am content with that choice."

"Good," the Sue answered. She returned her gaze to Minas Tirith. "We'll move in within the hour, and then you shall see how Sues wage war."

Saruman looked back at the Citadel and folded his hands neatly behind his back. From this distance, the men on the walls looked like nothing but a myriad of black ants hurrying to and fro, oblivious to the Sue in white smiling down on them like a hungry wolf.

~o~o~o~

The Fellowship had been retracing their steps for about half an hour when Legolas's sharp eyes spotted something just outside the range of Hawk's torch. "Over there!" he called, pointing, and Hawk swung her torch around.

It was Porter. The Sue-Slayer was just standing there in the middle of the passage, staring off with a vacant expression into the darkness. Hawk rushed over to him and shook him. "Porter! Porter, can you hear me? Valar blast it, Porter, snap out of it!"

Porter's lips moved and he spoke as if in a trance. "They're calling. I must go."

Hawk slapped him firmly across the face.

He made an umph sound then shook his head as if dazed. But then his gaze seemed to refocus and he looked at Hawk, confused but awake. "Hawk? Wha…what happened?"

There was both relief and anguish in Hawk's voice. "I don't know, you tell me, Porter. It looks like you were in a Sue-trance."

His eyes strayed back away into the darkness. "We were walking, and then I started to feel dizzy. I'd swear I heard voices calling to me from the darkness, and I don't know, I guess I just felt this overwhelming urge to follow them. I can't quite describe it: it felt like they were calling me home."

"His arm," Aura said quietly.

Hawk quickly pulled up Porter's sleeve, revealing the wound. It was starting to scar over, but the tissue was a strange silvery color like mithril.

"It's starting to affect him," Aura said. "He can hear the voices of the other Sues and Stus calling to him."

"What? What's starting to affect him?" Merry asked. "What's wrong with his arm?"

Hawk gritted her teeth, but Porter shook his head. "No, Hawk, they have a right to know, especially if I start becoming a liability."

"What's wrong with him, Hawk?" Pippin asked.

Hawk took a deep breath. "Last night, he was wounded by a Sue-blade. The poison is creeping into him, turn…turning him into a Stu."

There was stunned silence.

"Don't you have some sort of medicine for this?" Eówyn demanded.

"There is treatment, but he has to get back to the Hub to get it. There's nothing here that can help with this extensive of a wound."

"Well then he needs to go back to the Hub, especially if he's going to be a liability to the Quest."

Hawk looked at Porter desperately, but Porter just shook his head sadly. "We tried that already, but it seems our equipment isn't working properly."

There were cries of dismay. "Not working!" Eówyn exclaimed. "And when did you plan on telling us that?"

Hawk held up her hands to diffuse the babble of upset voices. "We didn't want to worry you all unduly. Frankly, we thought he'd have longer until he started showing symptoms. But it doesn't matter one way or another now; our only hope is to get the Pen to the Hearth of Doom as quickly as we can."

"We can't go on without Gimli though," Legolas said. "I won't leave him behind."

"And neither will I," Hawk said firmly. "Porter, do you have any idea what happened to Gimli?"

Porter shrugged apologetically. "He was right beside me when I started getting dizzy." He sighed and rubbed his palm tiredly into his eye. "No, there was something else. I thought it was just part of the trance, but maybe it was something more. There was an intense heat, like fire, and a darkness that covered my vision, thicker and darker than anything I'd ever seen before. I felt…despair." He pointed. "It swept in from that direction and then out again there."

Faramir took Eówyn's torch and ventured in the direction that Porter had pointed. "There's another passageway over here," he called back to them. He stooped and picked something off the floor. "It's a ring of chainmail. Gimli's chainmail, if I'm not mistaken."

"It's as good a lead as any," Hawk said. She turned to Porter. "Do you need help?"

He waved her off. "I feel fine now. Just tired."

"We'll keep you in the middle of the group from now on, just in case. Eówyn, you take the back. All right, this way, everyone. Let's find Gimli."

~o~o~o~

The passageway led steadily downwards, narrowing at it went, until they were all going single file, with Hawk in the lead and Eówyn bringing up the rear. The air began to grow warmer, until beads of sweat dripped down Hawk's face and the collar of her tunic began to feel damp and itchy. They came across no further evidence that Gimli had passed this way, but something in Hawk's gut told her they were on the right track.

Finally, the passageway flattened out and broadened again so that they were once again able to go two-by-two. From up ahead, a red light that was not cast by Hawk's torch flickered sinisterly against the walls.

They rounded a sharp corner and immediately stopped in their tracks in horror at the sight before them.

No more than twenty paces from where they stood, the passageway opened up into a gigantic cavern, so tall that the roof of it was lost in a swirl of dark shadows. Down the middle of the chamber was a vast chasm, which flickered with flames that cast weird, dancing shadows all over the walls. But as intimidating as the sight was, that was not what had caught the attention of the Fellowship.

Gimli stood in the middle of the fiery chamber, his back to them. His axe was in his hand, but his arm hung limp at his side, letting the weapon's blade drag uselessly against the rock floor. His chainmail glittered eerily in the red fire light.

Standing in front of him was a creature straight out of a Sue-Slayer's nightmare. She was about eight feet tall but stockily built, like a dwarf that had been hit by a growing spell, and she was dressed in a revealing chainmail corset. Her elaborately braided hair was red and puffed out around her face like an angry cloud, but it failed to hide the two huge black horns that curled up from her forehead. In addition, two gigantic black wings that seemed to bleed thick darkness rose from her back. She also happened to be completely on fire.

Before anyone could stop him, Pippin gave a strangled gurgle of fear and horror.

The head of the balrog!Sue shot up, and fiery red eyes without pupils fixed intently on them. The flames dancing along her body flared up and the shadows dripping from her wings coiled towards the Fellowship.

"Who are you who trespasses in my cavern?" the balrog!Sue boomed at them. "None are permitted into the Hall of Fire unless by my permission. I will smite you!"

Hawk automatically reached for her crossbow, keeping her eyes fixed on the demon of darkness in front of them, when a flash of something moving in her peripheral distracted her. She turned her head just in time to see Aura step forward, putting herself between the balrog!Sue and the Fellowship.

"Hello there," Aura said, her voice sweet and friendly. "We didn't mean to trespass. It's just, I think you may have enchanted one of our companions there. We've just come to get him back and then we'll be on our way and leave you in peace."

The balrog!Sue snarled, drawing back full red lips to reveal a mouth full of fangs. "NO! You will not take away from me my only salvation: this dwarf who has come to me in my hour of need."

"Your hour of need?" Aura's brow wrinkled delicately. "Why is it you need him?"

The flames wreathing the Sue quivered as she heaved a dramatic sigh. "It is a tragic story," she bellowed. "I'm sure you do not wish to hear of my desperate woes."

"No, no, we would like to know," Aura said in a comforting voice. "Why do you need our friend?"

The balrog!Sue launched eagerly into her tale. "My father was one of the dwarf miners who dug for mithril in these mines many Ages ago," she began. "One day, the mine shaft collapsed and he was trapped for days on end in the darkness until he began to fear that he was nearing his end. But my mother, one of the last balrogs, found him. The balrogs and the dwarves had been enemies for as long as time, but my mother pitied him and nursed him back to health, here in this very Hall of Fire, the ancestral home of the balrogs. They fell in love and had a single daughter: I, Drufa Flamebrand.

"But the dwarves of Moriah would not accept one who was half-balrog, and the last of the balrogs perished many centuries ago, leaving me all alone. I have dwelt alone in the dark and the fire with no one to speak to, hoping that one day someone would come to me just as my father came to my mother. And just when I was on the verge of giving up all hope, for these mines have long since been abandoned, I heard the sounds of dwarven feet once again in these halls. I ventured from my cavern and found this dwarf, who has clearly come here to Moriah to seek me and be my love. No longer will I be alone!" she ended with a roar and a burst of flame.

"That all sounds horrible," Aura said sympathetically. "I can't imagine being alone for so long. But are you sure that Gimli is your one true love? It sounds to me like maybe what you want is just to be accepted and simply not be alone anymore."

"This dwarf is the one I have waited for!" the balrog!Sue thundered, rearing back and flaring her wings. "I am certain of it."

"Maybe," Aura began, "but-"

Whatever she was about to say was abruptly cut off by a roar of pain from Drufa Flamebrand, as a crossbow quarrel buried itself in her chest. She whirled towards Hawk but was only met with another deadly dart. "Nooo!" she shrieked as her skin began to turn to paper, which immediately caught fire and billowed upwards in smoke. "No, I have waited so looooong." Her final howl was lost in a rush of hissing flames and then she was gone.

Hawk rushed forward and grabbed Gimli's shoulder, just as the dwarf started to shake himself out of the Sue-trance he'd been under. "Thank the Valar, are you all right?"

Gimli blinked and looked around the cavern, still in a half stupor. "Where am I? The last thing I remember was Porter dropping his torch and stopping. I turned towards him to ask what was wrong, but then my mind filled up with a sort of fog. There were eyes, red eyes, eyes that I felt I could sink into forever." He drifted off, a silly drunken grin on his face.

"You were Sue-tranced," Hawk said. "Don't worry, now that she's gone, it'll wear off. Here, have a drink of this." She handed him a small bottle from her pouch, which he tipped back and downed easily. "Distilled IC Juice with strawberry flavoring. Trust me, you don't want to drink the stuff straight. Helps you get back in character and remember your canon self. You should be back to normal in a couple minutes."

She helped the dwarf back over to where the others were waiting at the entrance to the Hall of Fire. "Give Gimli a minute, then we'll head back up the passage and get back on our way." She turned to find Aura standing directly behind her. Dismay and something even akin to anger were stamped on the Sue's face.

"Why did you shoot her?" Aura demanded.

"What?" Hawk said, caught off guard by Aura's sudden belligerence.

"Drufa," Aura clarified. "Why did you shoot her? She hadn't hurt any of you and she wasn't attacking. She was just lonely and upset. Why would you shoot her like that?"

Hawk's brow lowered. "Maybe you didn't notice, but she'd kidnapped one of the Fellowship and obviously didn't plan on giving him up without a fight. With Sues like that, you're better off getting in the first shot."

"You don't know that she wouldn't have let him go," Aura shot back. "We could have been able to find a solution that helped her as well as helping us."

Hawk snapped the clasp of her crossbow belt back into place sharply. "I've been doing this for a long time, and I know how to deal with Sues. Reasoning with them never works. It's best for everyone involved to put them out of their misery as quickly as possible."

Aura's head jerked back, as if Hawk had struck her. "Is that what you think of me then?" She responded, tears beginning to glisten in her emerald eyes. "Do you think I can't be reasoned with?"

Hawk gave her a look of pure contempt. "Evidently not."

Aura shook her head, causing her red ringlets to bounce, and a tear slid down her cheek. "You don't know what it's like being a Sue."

"You're right, I don't," Hawk snarled, voice cold. "If I sympathized with every Sue I came across, every single canon world would be overrun with them. I'm a Sue-Slayer. What did you expect when you came along with us: that we'd sit down and play daisy chains with every Sue we met?" Her voice dropped lower. "And if you've got a problem with that, maybe it's time for you to rethink whose side you're on. And if you decide you're on the side of the Sues, or if it turns out that you've been helping them all along which wouldn't surprise me in the least, I'll turn this crossbow on you without a second thought or regret."

"Hawk," Porter tried to cut in, his voice strained and upset.

The Sue-Slayer turned her back abruptly on Aura and brushed past Porter, cutting him off. She stalked through the Fellowship, who parted for her as she passed, all of them silent. She turned back around to face them, her face dark. "We're heading back up to the main halls. Everyone stick close and watch each other's backs." She shot a malevolent look at Aura over her shoulder. "And remember, if you see any Sues, don't give them the chance to get to you."