BELLY
I woke up the following morning around 7AM, excited like a little child on Christmas. I rushed into the bathroom to get ready for the day. My mom used to say my face was always telling the truth; I was glowing differently, knowing you have a great day ahead of you. I efficiently packed all of the necessities for the concert and the night in New York in my trusty old volleyball duffle-bag. This has been a dream of mine since I was a little girl; music is such an essential part of my life. It made me think about the little dance parties we kids would have with our moms. We were so carefree back then; I never imagined losing one of them so soon.
Once ready, I walked downstairs to see the door open, Conrad had returned, bearing two coffees and a brown bag, which, by the smell of it, contained fresh croissants.
„Good morning, Belly," He greeted with a smile, placing the breakfast on the table, he walked over to me and took my bag out of my hands.
„Morning," I responded in a chipper tone, I grabbed one of the coffee's, excited for the caffeine rush.
„Flat white with oat-milk?" Conrad asked, seeking conformation that my coffee preference hadn't changed. I nodded, he loaded the bags into the trunk of his car.
I took a croissant and dipped it into my coffee, a habit he hated. He said a french person dies inside every time I do that. I leaned against the wall and observed as he would put our luggage away. My phone buzzed in my back pocket.
‚Bon voyage, bells' Jere texted, I wondered why was he up at this hour. He usually isn't up at this hour. Conrad was always the one who was up super early, Jere was a night owl on the other hand. Maybe he couldn't sleep? He was making such a big deal out of this. I mean, I understand that considering our history, and what we've been through, this would be considered a difficult situation, but Conrad and I have been friends way before we ever dated. He assured me, multiple times that we are friends. This will be a wonderful, unforgettable day of two people who just loved spending time together, enjoyed each other's company, without making it romantic. Life wasn't solely composed of love stories.
„Ready?" He asked, sliding on his sunglasses. I grabbed his coffee and made my way over to him. With my hands occupied, he opened the door for me. Once I was all set, he got in as well. The sunglasses were giving him a cold heartthrob look that suited only his exterior.
„I was thinking we could stop at the hotel first, leave our stuff there, and then come back later, so you can get ready?" He suggested, starting the engine. I nodded; he had meticulously planned every tiny detail.
It was a beautiful day, breezy, yet sunny. We were listening to all of Taylor Swifts albums, and it felt like my birthday; a whole perfect day, tailored to my preferences. Engaging in easy conversations with him felt nostalgic. With Conrad, there seemed to be no taboo topics. Him being so smart and having a firm opinion on a lot of things made discussions effortless. As ‚Daylight' played, apparently his second favourite song, he asked;
„So, which song reminds you of me?" He asked playfully.
„White Horse" I answered without hesitation and he chuckled.
„White Horse?" His eyebrow raised, prompting me to come up with an even better choice.
„Oh no, I have an even better one… I Forgot That You Existed" I said and our laughter filled the air.
„You could never—" He mocked me.
It was true, I could never forget about him, not even if I tried. Not in a million years, not ever. Conrad was always going to hold the fondest memories I have. With him, I felt so many things for the first time, probably stronger than I will ever feel them again.
„What Taylor Swift song reminds you of me?" I asked him, curious.
„You Belong With Me" He wasn't laughing anymore, he was serious about this.
I know this was a song title, but hearing him say these words in this order, made my heart skip a beat. I needed to switch the topic, this conversation wasn't headed in a good direction.
„How come you became such a fan?" I asked teasingly, mocking the fact he knew so many lyrics.
„Whenever we'd drive anywhere, I would always let you be in charge of the music." He said, concentrated, a smile tugging at the corners of his lips as he reminisced. He continued;
„The first four songs would always be something we both enjoyed… Something like Frank Ocean or The Weeknd." He chuckled;
„And then, thinking I enjoyed myself enough, you would play Taylor Swift for the rest of the journey. And I learned to accept that and embrace it." His smile was so wide, I laughed a little, silly, how much he remembers from back then.
Seeing the skyline of the world's most vibrant city in the world can easily leave you breathless. Conrad gazed at it with the same dreamy stare. The sky was filled with clouds of various shapes which danced around the buildings. Countless windows, so many lives behind them, carrying their own weight on their shoulders, each one with their individual adventures. New York had the power to make you feel invisible, but strong. That's the paradox of large cities; they are so intimate. I have the feeling you could easily walk around naked, and no one would notice, let alone care. There is an intriguing allure in realising that the person who walks past you on the street is likely to be someone you'll never encounter again.
We drove into the city and it got louder with each mile. Workers, passengers, cars, the Hudson River, individually those noises were considered annoying, combined they formed the New York Symphony. As we reached the Brooklyn Bridge, ‚False God' played and hearing this song, looking at Conrad, gave me goosebumps. It would be so embarrassing if he could read my thoughts right now. He seemed to seamlessly blend into every scenery I had in my mind, in every alternative universe I created in my imagination. Big city Conrad was cool, big city Conrad had his sunglasses and navy blue hat, he was untouchable, cold to everyone… but me… maybe?
We drove to our hotel, only a couple of blocks away from Bryant Park. The advantage was that it had a parking garage so we got there without any problem. Conrad was the perfect gentleman, carrying our bags to the reception and to our room. The room had a breathtaking view of the city and as promised, two beds on each side of the room.
„You'll want the one next to the window." He said, probably imagining all of the lights flicker at night, knowing I would enjoy that.
„Mhm" I simply replied, watching him put my bag next to my bed. He turned around to me and took a step closer.
„New York suits you" I observed with a smile.
„Let's go make you a New York City girl" I felt the coldness of this hand as he took mine, guiding me outside of the room, into the elevator.
We stood remarkably close to each other in that elevator. It was at that moment I realised he still hasn't let go of my hand.
„You still make me feel electric." He whispered, standing unbearably close to me, his breath was warm as oppose to his body. We were standing so intimately close to each other I could tell he is still wearing the same perfume. It was fresh, yet manly. If my mind wasn't trying it's best to be strong, my whole body would lean against him. But I had no right to invade his personal space, it was his now and I wasn't a part of it, for what feels like too long.
We walked out of the hotel. Not many places in the world make you look up the whole time, one feels so small in New York.
„Where are we going?" I asked.
„C'mon, it's just a few blocks away." With a smile, he took the first step to our left.
He captured casual, spontaneous pictures of me, strolling the streets of this captivating city, it's hard not to feel cool here. Every corner reminded me of a movie I've seen.
„We should send my mom a picture of us." I suggested.
He switched his phone to selfie mode and since I was much smaller than him, I stood in front of him. My smile was so wide, you could probably see all of my teeth if you'd zoom in. He placed his arm around me, his flannel shirt was so soft against my skin. He smiled and made sure the large buildings behind us were in the picture as well. He decided to take a couple of more pictures, maybe too many, so we ended up laughing and making silly faces. He pulled the phone super close to our faces and we just looked like a bunch of idiots on each photo.
„We're here." He announced and pointed to the large, glass-covered building. It said: ‚SUMMIT ONE Vanderbilt' on one of the Flags in front of the entrance. I was in awe of how modern this building looked, but… why was he taking me here?
„It's an observation deck." He smiled and I followed him inside.
Following the security check, we were guided to the 95th floor. I won't exaggerate when I tell you: this was the most breathtaking view I have ever witnessed in my life, well… the second. You could see the whole city from up here.
„I'm a bird!" I took a deep breath and almost skipped my way to the edge of the room, with only this one window between me and the whole city. What had seemed large from down there now looked so small. If you think about it, that is the ultimate secret to life. Problems that seem big, just need another perspective.
I could feel him walk up to me from behind. We weren't alone, but I could recognise his walk.
„If you're a bird, I'm a bird," He quoted from ‚the Notebook', one of my favourite books and I had to turn around. The mirrors and the windows made his skin glow, the reflections dancing on his cheeks. He was nervous around me, especially when I was this close to him. I could feel it, the way his breathing changed betrayed his little secret, he wasn't so cool anymore.
„Belly, I need you to move away." He whispered softly to. His eyes revealing a pain I've never seen before. He noticed the confusion in my stare and continued;
„I can't move away from you, but if I stay here, I will kiss you." My eyes flashed open. Why can't I move? Did I want him to? My feet froze, and my hand was inched closer to his, a new, strange kind of horizontal gravity was pulling me closer to him, and I couldn't control my breathing. He was blinking fast, trying his best to look away from me.
„Belly I swear to God—" This wasn't fair, to anyone. One would imagine this being stressful, but being close to him never felt uncomfortable. Even now, knowing I have someone in my life counting on me to stay away from Conrad, being around him never felt wrong. It felt hard, confusing, but not wrong, no matter how much I wished it were. I took a respectful step back, and he finally exhaled, looking down at his shoes. His cheeks were red, and he felt embarrassed.
He wanted to say something, but this time, I took his hand and led him to another room. This was painful enough. We continued watching the city. I wanted my thoughts to wander somewhere else; I wanted to admire how beautiful this city look from up here. However, I couldn't fight my thoughts wander to him. Does he understand that we can't allow ourselves to act like this? We can't be friends and spend time together like this if we couldn't control ourselves.
At the end of the tour, we got the opportunity to step outside, there was a beautiful balcony encircling the building. I was taking pictures, it calmed me down. Conrad took my phone and took pictures of me. Once he gave me the phone back, we decided to grab something to eat.
He said he picked a place, it was only 20 minutes away from the observation deck. There were so many street artists, I could happily spend eternity just walking down these streets.
Once there I looked up at the flashing sign that read ‚Ellen's Stardust Dinner'. I must admit, I was a bit suspicious about this. Loud music was blasting, and it only grew louder once we were taken to our table by a charming little waitress. At first I thought it was a karaoke bar. It wasn't until the cute waitress that just got us to our table hopped onto one of the tables and grabbed a microphone that I needed an explanation from him.
„They're all singing, it's the bar of singing waiters." He laughed, seeing my shocked expression.
The food was amazing and it was incredibly entertaining to watch the performers dance around us. One even threw confetti at us, and a good amount of it ended up in Conrad's hair. We laughed, talked and I realised, that the list of things I would never forgive Conrad Fisher, was embarrassingly short. I was having the best time with him. There was just one thing I couldn't comprehend; how can someone, who was so warm and kind to me be so indifferent to everyone else? He teased me for eating my burger with a knife and fork, calling me a „shitty New Yorker", when my phone buzzed again. I could see him lean back in his seat, uncomfortably looking away to avoid me showing his annoyance.
„you look so beautiful on the pics u sent me, wish I was there with u" Jere wrote, and I couldn't help but smile. I texted him back before putting my phone away. Conrad was just finishing up his salad when one of the waiters asked if anyone had any song requests. That's when Conrad yelled out:
„Taylor Swift!" We were both burst into laughter he had the type of laugh that could make you feel dizzy and uncomfortably shy. I almost wanted to stop laughing every time he would laugh, just to observe him more closely. This is going to be harder than expected.
...
A/N: This chapter is a love letter to my favourite city in the world, I hope you've enjoyed it. Let me know what you think :)