Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto
Chapter 31: New Normal
Flashback
She was exhausted. It was the deep sort, the kind that came from the recesses of her mind. She had been pushing herself to the limit both physically and mentally. Work had been demanding as usual but she did not let it become an excuse to neglect her training. Steel sharpened steel. She was keeping her taijutsu skills in peak condition. She had found solace in her new routine.
The proposal for a child's mental health clinic was taking up most of her mental bandwidth. The village was finally recovering financially from the war. They had the money, they had the need and she had the drive. Inoichi was all for the project too. They had been working closely on the proposal to ensure it was perfect. It would need to be damn near it for it to pass under the council's noses. It was a money and resource drain that did not directly help the village get stronger. They had to ensure their facts, numbers, and points were sound. It would be dead in the water otherwise. She could not let that happen.
It was important to her. It was dear to her heart. Her sensei and all three of her teammates had been orphans. Kushina, Minato too. All at young ages. They had no one to talk to, no one to help them deal with their emotions and mental health. She could not do anything for young Minato, young Kakashi, or young Kushina but she could make sure that those not born yet would have resources. Regardless of the fact that she would do everything in her power to make sure that Naruto and Sasuke did not get the same label in this life.
The clinic would not just be for orphans. Her goal, their goal, was to help any child with any circumstance. It was woefully neglected that aspect of their lives. The hope was that if children got used to talking about and dealing with their issues at a young age there would eventually not be a stigma of getting help as adults. It would be as normal as going in for their annual exam. She was shooting for the stars but someone had to.
It helped immensely that Tsunade backed her up completely. She had a seat at the council table. She had political power. No one would argue with Tsunade when it came to medical needs. She felt Tsunade's steady hand pushing her back as Sakura navigated the various pitfalls and stumbling blocks she encountered while laying the groundwork. Tsunade always came through for her regardless of time and regardless of place. She still owed the woman everything.
She turned her neck as she arrived at the familiar door, home. The mental and physical stress was left at the doorstep as she stepped inside. She inhaled deeply. It was her safe place, her sanctuary. She wanted nothing more than to curl up on the couch with her fiance. She was so tired.
She was already halfway there. She kissed his cheek.
"I'm going to go shower real quick," she announced. He smiled a small smile. There was a far-off look on his face. It caused her to pause. "Minato?" She asked him with slight concern coloring her words.
"'I'll be waiting," he did not quite meet her eyes.
"Okay," she spared him one last look before heading down the hall. She tried not to go down the rabbit hole that her mind was luring her into. She had been on her best behavior. They were doing great. She had zero indication of what it could possibly be about.
The shower was quicker than she would have liked but her curiosity was getting the better of her. She gave up halfway trying to dry her hair. She evened out the drawstrings of the oversized hoodie she was wearing. In addition to being warm, it hid the bruises lining her arms quite well. Sadly, she could not say the same for her shorts and the bruises on her legs. She had a number done on her today.
She stepped out of the room. He had moved to the kitchen. She could smell the food cooking. Her mouth watered despite having zero appetite. He looked up at her as she came to stand by the fridge.
"Is everything alright?" Sakura asked him in a light tone.
"Everything is great." He answered her. He turned off the gas. "Let's eat."
She took the plate that he offered her, wordlessly. She pulled the chair from the table. It scraped against the floor. They both sat down. She poked at the noodles. They looked great, they smelled great. But she could not shake the feeling that despite everything being great and the food smelling great, something was not great. Something was clearly bothering him and that in turn was bothering her.
"How was your day?" Minato asked her. There was something in his eyes she had not seen in a long while.
"Fine," she stabbed a piece of broccoli. "Sparred with Guy this morning. The proposal is coming along well. I think the clinics coupled with what Kushina is trying to do will really make a difference."
His lips tugged upwards. "The two of you make a good team, you and Kushina."
Sakura nodded absentmindedly. She chewed completely before opening her mouth. "She's so disorganized it drives me crazy. Half the paperwork she files is incorrect. Her handwriting is barely legible. I've seen toddlers with better penmanship using crayons. She's going to need someone just to correct all her mistakes and misspellings. It's a full-time job of its own." Sakura vented her frustrations loudly and passionately.
"But?" Minato asked her with a knowing smile.
"But…" Sakura's face broke out into a grin. "She's going to be amazing. She is amazing. Those kids won't know what hit them. When Kushina is done with them, they'll be in a much much much better situation. They are all so lucky that they have her in their corner." She finished emphatically.
"That they are." He took a sip of his water. "These two projects, the orphanage, and the clinic, I have high hopes for them." The storminess in his eyes relented a notch.
She nodded. "We won't let you down."
"I know." He said assuredly.
She smiled into her plate. "How was your day?"
Minato sighed. "Had a meeting with the Elders." Sakura grimaced. That could explain the undertones of his mood. They had that effect.
"What did they want this time?" She asked him with a voice laced with reluctance.
Minato shook his head. He was trying to get Koharu's not-so-subtle reminder about her 'advice' out of his head. For someone who claimed she hated to repeat herself, she did it quite often and without prompt.
"Just providing their much-valued opinion on all my actions." He said with thick sarcasm.
"I'm sorry," she patted the back of his hand in sympathy. He turned it around and closed his fingers over hers. "Are they still warning you to keep a close eye on the Uchiha?"
"They would not be themselves if they didn't." He said humorlessly.
"How are things with Fugaku?" She asked him as she pushed away her plate. She rested her chin in the palm of her hand.
"Still a little tense," Minato admitted. "But I'm not worried."
Sakura nodded. It was good enough for her. "What's on your mind, Porky?" She hoped the nickname coupled with her jovial tone would get him to relax. She could see the tension in his shoulders.
Minato reached for their plates. "I'll do the dishes." He stood up.
Sakura frowned. "Minato, now I'm starting to freak out."
"They will only take a minute." He insisted.
Sakura sighed. "Fine. I'll be waiting."
He nodded his head. She watched as he turned around and started the tap. The food was starting to turn not so kindly in her stomach. Sakura wandered over to the navy couch. She sat perpendicular to the back of the couch so she could still see him. She crossed her legs and rested her elbow on the top of it. Her thoughts swarmed in her head like an angry hornet's nest. There was too much going on for her to focus on one thing.
She looked on silently as he came to sit next to her. She was nervous. She knew it had to be something serious. She instinctively reached for his hand, she held on. She took a calming breath.
Minato brought his right hand - the one not clutched by Sakura - to her bent knee. His eyes focused on an unsightly red welt right above her kneecap. She had not bothered to heal it. He looked into her eyes. It was like ripping a bandaid, it had to be done quickly and without hesitation.
"I need you to tell me how I died."
She blinked rapidly. The swarm of hornets, that had taken residence in her head, left. She was left with static. She did not understand the request. Her lips parted.
'Flower-chan,' Akemi's voice was like a jump start to her groggy mind. 'He's waiting.'
He was. He was searching her face almost with something akin to desperation. She saw how difficult it was for him to bring himself to say the words to her. He did not do things on a whim.
"Are you sure?" Sakura's voice came out hesitant. It matched the expression on her face perfectly. "Maybe it's better to leave it alone."
"I need to know," there was no conflict in his eyes. He was sure. "I need to know what happened to me so that I don't make the same mistakes."
She could not deny him. He had never asked for anything before. He had been more than patient. She let out a slow breath. She licked her lips. Her eyes darted to the ceiling. She supposed she had to start at the beginning then.
She reminded him of their first mission. She told him everything, everything she had come to learn that transpired. She told him about the day of Naruto's birth. The Kyuubi attack and his end. Somehow she managed to say it all without needing to stop. She did not sugarcoat. She laid it all out there, bare for him to absorb and judge.
She watched him closely. His expression was blank. He was processing. He looked like someone who had shut down or disassociated long ago. It was tormenting. It was not him, it was not his life but that did not make it any easier to have to listen to it. She held his hand in both of hers. She monitored his pulse, it was slightly elevated. Sakura bit her lip.
She let him sit with it. His blond lashes fluttered as he blinked. His eyes were glazed over. She worried it was too much all at once. She never intended to tell him. It was something that she had years to wrap her mind around. She was only months old when the attack happened. She did not remember who he was. He was a legend. That day cemented his status. She did not learn the truth of the attack until after she was a late teen. It was a distant memory.
Naruto had to live with the consequences of it every day. It shaped his life. She did not think Minato needed to know. It was a different life. And as she looked at his face she wondered if she should have said anything at all.
"Minato?" She called out tentatively after over thirty minutes of painstaking silence. She was still waiting to breathe. The pressure on her chest was pushing in. She could only imagine what he must have been feeling at the moment.
He blinked at the sound of her voice. He registered the worry in her expression.
"I'm alright," he tried to assure her. She was not that entirely convinced. Her jade orbs conveyed that.
"I'm okay, Sakura," he rested his forehead against hers. "That's not me. That was not me." He closed his eyes. He willed himself to believe his words. He lowered his head. He rested it in her lap. She played with his hair with one hand and felt his heartbeat with the other.
Neither of them uttered another word for the rest of the night.
End of Flashback
He had some unexpected time on his hands. He supposed it was not so unexpected. The trial was happening right now. Tsume and her ninken were with the girls so he did not technically have to be, not until later anyway. The Uchiha they were worried about was at the trial. He would not try anything while the verdict was still in the air. Which was why he was in his current predicament.
He had time. And that was a dangerous thing.
He stood there unmoving for what felt like a lifetime and a half. The ANBU guard, Crane, stared back at him unmovingly. His mask with the black markings somehow made everything all the worse. Kakashi almost would have preferred to see a scornful face calling him weak. Maybe that would elicit some kind of feeling out of him. He would take anything over this indecisiveness that did not let him do anything.
He blinked when he felt her sudden presence by his side.
"Do you know them?" Shizune asked Kakashi gently. She did not know who was inside but she knew it was bad. Tsunade was very tight-lipped about the whole thing. Her hand brushed against his. His fingers curled slightly in response.
He nodded numbly. "A friend." He managed barely above a whisper.
Shizune's eyes softened. She stared ahead at the door. "I'm really sorry," she said in a soft voice.
They stood there in silence staring at the door. "I don't know if I can do this." He admitted hoarsely. He cleared his throat. It was like it was filled with shards of glass.
"That's okay." She said reassuringly. "Go at your own pace." She turned to look at him. She smiled sadly. "I could try to get an update from Tsunade-sama for you if you'd like." She searched his eyes.
Kakashi shook his head. "No," he looked her in the eyes. He needed to do this for himself. "Thank you, Shizune."
She tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. She bit her lip. "I'll see you later okay?"
He nodded. "Yes."
She offered him a smile and a reassuring squeeze on his shoulder before she was gone. He missed her warmth instantly. He swallowed. He took one step. Then another. And another.
He grabbed the handle of the door. He took a deep breath. He walked in. The curtains were drawn, it took a second for his eyes to adjust to the dimmed light. The beeping of the machines was one of the first things he noticed. Followed by the yellow flowers at this bedside.
Kakashi took seven measured steps. He stood over him. Bat looked pale. He was hooked up to all these machines. He only recognized the heart monitor and the IV drip. His eyes slowly landed on a stool. He lifted it and brought it closer to him. He sat down. Bat was breathing on his own which was a good sign.
He did not look sick or injured. He had lost some muscle definition. He seemed smaller than what he was used to. He looked like he could blink awake at any given minute. Kakashi half expected him to sit up abruptly. Bat loved to play pranks on him. Only he was terrible at them. He always saw him coming from a mile away. But that did not discourage him from trying to catch Kakashi off guard.
He did not know what to say to him now that he was here. Everything he had practiced in his head abandoned him. He was all wrong. He was too still. Kakashi looked to his right. His eyes landed on a couple of books. He grabbed the first one. It had to do with space. He opened the spine to the page marked with a bookmark. He brought his finger to the top left. He started to read.
She swayed slightly. Her stomach was rumbling slightly. They had skipped lunch. They had missed it by a few hours. All she had to eat since breakfast was the chocolate he had given her. She looked over her shoulder. He was walking behind her. She looked down at Kuromaru. The black and white wolf had insisted on carrying her back. She felt so small on him. He was moving slowly but it was still scary. Her fingers were curled tightly into his fur. It did not seem to bother him. He had not complained at least.
She looked as the people on the street gave them a wide berth. Both Kuromaru and Itachi seemed unbothered. So maybe it was them and not her. She had fallen asleep. She had not planned on it. It was so nice and cool and quiet. Kuromaru's deep breathing was comforting. She did not know how long she was out. All she knew was that it was bright when she went under and slightly less bright when she woke up.
She had been disoriented. It was surprising to see Kuromaru's eye blinking back at her as the first thing. It was even stranger still to turn her head and see a boy that kind of looked like her. Itachi. That was what he said his name was. He was nice. He was patient. He was quiet. He liked to watch the world and the people in it more than talk. He was like her.
He was different. Her dark eyes followed the birds that seemed to be following him. She wondered if they were his friends. They seemed to think so. They watched over him closely just like how Kuromaru was watching her and how Kushina watched over them.
A loud grumble filled the air. She covered her stomach. She lowered her head in embarrassment. A faint dusting of pink graced her cheeks. She slowly looked over her shoulder. He did not seem to hear. She felt better.
Kuromaru placed his back paws in the spots where his front paws just were. They crunched against the gravel. They were getting closer to Kushina's house. She felt more at ease. The need to run was minimal.
The dog lady - Tsume - was waiting outside for her. She could feel her eyes. She slid off of Kuromaru and faced her. She looked down at the ground. She was ready to be yelled at for running away. She blinked when she felt a hand on her head. She looked up. The woman was grinning.
"Do you feel better now, kid?" She asked her with kind eyes.
Tukiko nodded slowly.
"Good. Go wash up. We've all been waiting for you to have lunch." She smiled at her. Tukiko looked over her shoulder. Itachi - the boy - was standing by the tree on the other side of the street. The very tree the man with the white and blue mask stood in all night watching over them. Kushina had said he was keeping them safe.
She waved at him. He waved back. The dog lady watched the interaction closely. She crossed the threshold of the door. No sooner had she done so that Karin wrapped her arms around her.
"Kiko-oneechan!" She whined loudly. "I missed you!"
She smiled. She pulled Karin back by grabbing her shoulder. She brought her forehead to rest against hers. She closed her eyes. Karin did the same.
Karin giggled. "Let's eat. I'm hungry!" She grabbed her sister's hand and led her to the coffee table. Mako was already there. She had just set down the last plate.
"Tukiko-chan," the woman wrapped her arms around her. "I'm so glad you're back." She squeezed a little too tightly but Tukiko did not complain. "Dig in," she said warmly as gestured to the food.
Tukiko's mouth watered. It all looked so good.
He waited for the door to close completely before heading back toward the center of the village. His mind could not help but wander to the hearing. It was late afternoon. He did not know if it was a good or bad thing that he had yet to hear anything about it. He supposed he could go to the bar and ask around but he was not in the mood to deal with their faces.
His feet began to lead him to his temporary home. He put the key in the deadbolt and turned. The door creaked open. The hairs on the back of his neck stood up. He reached for a kunai. He closed the door behind him without making another sound.
Someone had been in the house. He could sense it. There was still a chance they were still there. He carefully placed his feet in the places that he knew did not creak. He moved deliberately. His eyes scanned the whole time. Nothing seemed out of place in the kitchen and the living room.
He heard the sound of dripping water. He moved slowly down the hall. He grabbed the doorknob of the hallway bath, and quickly opened the door. Pushed back the shower curtain in one fluid motion. There was nothing there. He tightened both of the taps. The drips became fewer and further between until they stopped altogether.
He closed the door. He opened the door of his room. He searched the closet first. Nothing was touched much less out of place. He did not feel anything anymore. He kept a tight grip on the kunai. His mind raced with all the possibilities.
It could be Uito. He could not believe the man could be so bold as to break into the Hokage's residence. He closed the door to the room behind him. He opened the door to the only other room.
He ignored the feelings of conflict rising in him for being in their space without them being there. He checked the closet first before moving onto the bathroom. Nothing. He found nothing.
His eyes narrowed. He moved towards the balcony. The sliding doors were closed but the door was unlocked. It was not like them to leave it unlocked. They both were incredibly detail-oriented people. He crouched down. There was a fine powder at the base of the door. He rubbed it between his first two fingers and thumb. It was sand. It was not like the gravel that lined Konoha's streets. He pushed open the door. He climbed on top of the railing before flashing to the roof. His eyes searched a full three hundred and sixty degrees.
He found nothing that caught his attention. Someone had been inside. He frowned. The traps around this place were abysmal. He would have to change that. His dark eyes narrowed as he looked off into the horizon.
She walked through the streets of Konoha with a shell-shocked look on her face. She could not believe what just happened. It seemed fake, almost like a hyperrealistic dream. Her brain refused to accept that this was reality.
"Did that just really happen?" Sakura's dazed voice asked out loud.
Kushina shook her head. "I don't know. I don't know…" She looked at her hands. "Is this real life?" She blinked in disbelief.
Sakura reached out and pinched Kushina's cheek, hard. The Uzumaki yelped. She covered that side of her face.
"What was that for?!" She shrieked.
"Did that hurt?" Sakura cocked her head to the side as she asked the question with wide eyes and a distant voice.
"Hell yeah, it did! You know it did. You and your monster strength, dattebane." Kushina pouted. She rubbed her sore, red cheek. She froze. Her face went slack just as realization dawned on her. "Wait."
"That means…" Sakura stared at her with impossibly wide eyes.
"It's real!" Kushina shrieked in pure ecstasy. She grabbed Sakura by the hand and started to twirl her.
"It happened!" Sakura let out a cry of relief. "Kami, it really happened!" She grinned from ear to ear. She pulled Kushina for a tight bear hug.
"It happened!" Kushina threw her head back and shouted to the high heavens. "It's real!" She squeezed Sakura for dear life. The pair of women broke into a fit of hysteric giggles in the middle of the street.
A woman with brown hair pulled her school-aged son closer to her as they quickly walked down the street in the opposite direction of Sakura and Kushina.
"Never do drugs, Hiro." She told her son sternly. He gawked back at the two giddy women with oddly bright hair. Drugs looked fun if there were anything like that.
They pulled apart wearing matching ear-to-ear grins. "You won," Sakura said in disbelief. "You did! You did it! Dattebayo!" She could not remember the last time she was this happy. She did not know if she should laugh or cry. Maybe she would do both. She was an overachiever.
"I did. We did! We won!" Kushina wiped the tears from her eyes. She felt so light. Like she could breathe again. "They get to stay together."
"With you," Sakura poked her in the shoulder. "The three of you get to stay together." She could not keep the smile from her face. "I'm so happy for you!" She hugged her again. The baby kicked.
Kushina squealed. "And my niece is happy too." She put her hand on Sakura's belly. "This day is perfect." She grinned. "I'm so happy."
Sakura nodded emphatically. "Me too." She was riding a high like no other. She linked her arm with Kushina's. They practically skipped down the street. Well, she waddled and Kushina skipped.
"Did you see Hiashi's face when Shibi and Murakumo cast their vote? I thought his head would explode." Kushina's face fell slightly. "That really would have made today perfect." She grinned.
Sakura smacked her arm. "Don't say that. He has a kid." She admonished half-heartedly. "It was pretty great. I didn't know Hyugas could get so red." She could not help but admit. Her face lit up. "But now so do you!" She gushed. "You got two now!"
Kushina shook her head. "It doesn't feel real." She grabbed her still throbbing cheek. "Don't you dare, Sakura!" She warned.
Sakura rolled her eyes. "Yeah because I respond so well when someone tells me not to do something," she sighed contently. Her eyes focused on nothing in particular in the sky. "The best outcome for the girls happened today."
Kushina hummed in agreement. The light from her eyes dimmed slightly.
Sakura sighed. "What?" She asked impatiently.
Kushina bit her lip. "I can't help but wonder how they're going to punish you for lying and for the use of the jutsu." She looked her in the eye. Her violet gaze was swimming with guilt and concern.
Sakura shook her head adamantly. "Don't do that. We won. Focus on that." She told her sternly. "I'm not worried. You shouldn't be either. You worry about Tukiko, Karin, and yourself. That's it." She said firmly.
Kushina smiled sadly. "I'll always worry about you, Sakura-chan. Always." She leaned her head against hers. "Nothing will change that."
Sakura scrunched her face. She could not deny the warmth that rose up in her. "You sure you don't want to take Ino-Shika-Cho up on their offer of getting dinner to celebrate?" She unapologetically changed the topic.
Kushina smiled. "No. I just want a quiet night with the girls." She said dreamily.
"Motherhood has really made you boring." The smile on her face completely undermined her words.
Kushina laughed. "You would know." She retorted knowingly. Her expression became reflective. "I guess I'm kind of like a mom now, huh?" She asked in disbelief. "I'll bite your fingers if you try to pinch me again."
"You promise?" Sakura winked at her.
"Ma'am, I am a mom now. I will not engage in your childish behavior." She said in a highbrow accent. She even went as far as sticking her nose in the air.
"No fun," Sakura pouted. It did not take long for a smile to replace it. "Congratulations, Kushina. It was a long road but you made it."
Kushina nodded. "I just want to do right by them." She said seriously.
Sakura nudged her with her shoulder. "You will, and so much more." She said with absolute certainty. "Just be sure to turn in the paperwork to start the adoption process six months from now. No mistakes. I don't think I can go through something like this again. It shaved off years of my life I'm sure."
Kushina nodded gravely. "I will. I want to talk to them first and make sure they are okay with it."
Sakura smiled softly. "Well, you have six months."
"How are things with you?" She asked in a low voice.
Sakura shook her head. "No, we are too happy and too high to be talking about my life falling apart." She said stubbornly.
Kushina looked at her sadly. "That bad huh?"
Sakura pressed her lips together. "Not as bad as it could have been. Nothing has been done or said that is unrepairable. He knew who I was when he married me just like I knew who he was. We'll be fine." She looked at Kushina knowingly. "I'm really upset that you tried to give both girls to the clan."
"Get in line. I'm pretty upset with some of the stuff you pulled back there." Kushina narrowed her eyes. "Maybe we should just agree to let it go?" She tapped her chin contemplatively.
Sakura considered it. "Okay." She smiled. "Six months," she reminded her.
"Six months," Kushina said. They came to a stop in front of the blue door. "Will Wolf still be out here?"
Sakura nodded. "For another 72 hours. Just as a precaution."
Kushina's eyes lit up as she remembered something. "You sure you don't want to come in?" She asked her.
Sakura smiled. "I do but I can't. Enjoy your time with them."
Kushina held up her finger. "Wait here just a second will ya?"
Sakura's face broke out in surprise as Kushina ran inside and left her standing there awkwardly. She kicked rocks as she waited. Her eyes darted back when the door opened.
"Here," Kushina handed her the unopened envelope. "I'm glad to be giving this back to you. Thank you for being willing to do what you were for me." She looked at her earnestly.
"Keep it," Sakura held up both hands. "It's yours."
Kushina furrowed a brow. "I can't take this! This probably took you a while to save up."
"Almost six years actually," Sakura admitted with a small smile.
Kushina's jaw nearly fell to the floor. "What?!" She whispered in shock.
"The minute I found out I was pregnant, the first time, I started putting money aside because I knew you would spoil the crap out of the kid and not take a penny from us. So I put aside money every time you gave me something baby-related or took Naruto out. Because one day I would be returning the favor." She smiled at the look on Kushina's face. "Minato knows about it. So you're not causing any more issues between us by keeping it. It's yours." She pushed it gently towards Kushina.
"I can't," she did not know what to say. "You can use it on the girls."
Sakura rolled her eyes playfully. "That's what I'm doing. You're going to need to be in the village for a while which means no money coming in. This will keep the pressure of going back to work, off for a while. I want you to focus on spending time with them and enjoy it without having to worry about money." She said gently.
"Sakura," Kushina looked at her completely floored. "The things I did for Naruto were because I wanted to. You don't have to do this." She looked at the envelope. It would help immensely but they would manage.
"I know," Sakura said testily. "I'm doing this because I want to do it, not because I have to."
"What would you have done if I decided to never raise kids?" She asked in a small voice.
"I would have donated it to the orphanage or whatever cause you wanted in your name." Her eyes sparkled with unshed tears. "It's yours. It has always been yours. So just take it already." She paused. "Welcome to motherhood, Kushina." She smiled. Her eyes closed. The tears spilled out.
Kushina did not fight her own tears. She pulled Sakura into a hug. "Thank you," she cried into her hair.
"Anything for you, Kushina," Sakura said as she held her. "Give the girls a hug from me." She told Kushina as the woman finished wiping the last of her tears.
"There is some leftover cake from yesterday," Kushina said, trying to entice her to stay.
Sakura made a face of longing. "Sounds amazing but I really need to talk to Minato before I pick up Naruto."
Kushina nodded. "I understand. Thanks again, Sakura." She gave her a long look. "For everything."
Sakura smiled. She waited until the door was closed and she heard the lock slide into place. Sakura spared a look over her shoulder at Wolf before she turned to face the direction of Hokage Tower. She took a step. A wave of unease passed through her. She put her hand on her stomach. She did not feel quite right but she supposed it was to be expected given the day they all had. It was a long way from being over. She started to make her way to have a long overdue conversation.
He could not help but think back to how composed she was when she had lied on the stand. She was believable. She had not hesitated. She had not batted an eye. She did not even look away or lower her gaze. She lied right to the face of the Assistant Police Chief and a roomful of prominent figures and they believed her.
It shook him. It affected him. How many times had she lied to him that he did not know about? She was capable. He knew that the minute he laid eyes on her almost ten years ago. He never would have guessed that her skill set included lying like that. Maybe that was why she was chosen too. She had to be good at lying in order to survive the mission.
They were shinobi. They all lied at some point in their life. It was inevitable. But he thought he knew better. He thought he could read her. He thought he could tell. Today taught him that he was just telling himself that. He had no idea. If she lied the way she lied on the stand to his face he would not be able to tell. He would have believed her, every time.
Her character was picked apart for everyone to judge. It had been damn near impossible to sit through it. He wanted to aim a Rasengan straight through his chest. Admittedly for more than just what happened today. He could not do that. He had to listen. He had to endure. It broke him to admit that Shun was right. At least partially. She was a liar. She about not knowing Tukiko's father. She lied about the forbidden jutsu amongst other things. She was lying every day to those around them about her true past. She had good reason for some of the lies. He was complicit in some of her lies. He maintained and upheld some of her lies.
He did it without her asking because he believed that she would not lie to him. That he was different from everyone else. That he meant something to her. But he was just kidding himself. She lied to him just like she lied to the others. Maybe it had been born out of necessity for survival. But now it felt like it was just commonplace for her.
He had no doubt in her mind that she would not have sat back and accepted it if the Uchiha won today. He knew it for a fact. The stash of money she kept in their dresser was gone. She would have done something so foolish that he would have no choice but to punish her.
He knew she felt responsible that she was torn up inside about what those girls went through. He knew that she still dealt with varying degrees of guilt regarding Kushina and what happened to her. He knew that her love for the woman would compel her to the extremes. She would do anything for her. He just did not know that she would throw away everything they had in order to do so.
That was the biggest slap in the face with today and this whole custody business. Despite everything she still was adamant about making decisions alone, unilaterally. Decisions that would affect them both, and their whole family. He did not know if any amount of talking would ever change that for her. Maybe that was just who she was. Maybe she did not trust anyone. Maybe she was not capable.
The darkest parts of his mind could not help but wonder if he knew her at all. Or if he only knew enough parts of her, the parts she decided to show, that he thought he had enough of a picture of who she was. He was at a loss. His mind kept landing in the same spot despite his heart refusing to see reason. His heart still stubbornly held onto this notion that he knew her, and she knew him. His heart told him that in this unforgiving, unwarm, unfamiliar world she was the one thing that was familiar. In his heart of hearts that was the belief. That they were the same intertwined soul poured into two bodies.
He hardly knew how to make any sense of what he saw, much less what he felt. He knew she loved him. He did not doubt that not even on his worst day. He knew it in every fiber of his being. What he did not know was whether it would be enough. Could he continue to build and share a life with someone who did not trust him? That he did not know. Without trust, what did they have to fall back on? Attraction ebbed and flowed. It was not enough to be a foundation. It was important, he could not deny it just like he could not deny his attraction to her, but it was not everything. Trust, understanding, adjusting, and respect were just as important if not more so. They were the foundation. They were what they were supposed to build off. He saw the cracks. The house they built together was looking more like a house of cards from his current vantage point. He did not know if he had enough in him to keep the whole thing standing.
"I don't like that look." A gruff voice called out from somewhere behind him.
"You can't even see my face," he rubbed it tiredly.
"I don't need to. I know you." He sighed. "I know you well enough to know there is nothing good going on in that head of yours."
He spun his chair around slowly. "I resent your implication."
"As long as that's the only thing." He said darkly. Jiraiya rolled his eyes. He was standing by the windows, leaning back against the wall. His arms were crossed. They both were off to a great start.
"Did you enjoy the chaos that is my life?" He asked his former teacher humorlessly. He stood up and leaned back on his desk.
"It was a little dry towards the middle. That Obito kid is a good storyteller if the whole Hokage thing doesn't pan out for him." He said offhandedly.
Minato chuckled. "I won't tell him you said that. He's still a little mad that you didn't help him with something years ago. I don't know. I stop listening when his voice reaches a certain octave range."
Jiraiya's eyes sparked as he recalled the memory. "Oh yeah." His lips tugged into a nostalgic grin. "Your brats approached Tsunade and me to help them break you and Kushina up. I told them to take a hike. Gave them some sage advice. Made it sound good. When in reality I had a bet with her to see when Sakura and you would get your acts together. Tsunade picked an earlier date than I did." He rubbed his chin.
Minato's expression became reflective. "Sounds like a bet both of you lost. We still haven't figured it out yet."
Jiraiya furrowed his brow. His lips donned a frown.
"Married six years with one brat and another on the way, I'd say you're already there kid."
Minato shook his head. "Those are just the highlights. We're struggling." He rubbed a knuckle along his jaw. "The situation she created with the girls certainly does not help."
Jiraiya regarded him. His hooded expression gave him all the corroboration he needed. Minato was in a dark place.
"Just how long do you plan on punishing her for a choice she made nine years ago? A choice that happened before the two of you were even together."
"She lied, Jiraiya-sama. She used a forbidden jutsu on a stranger. She put herself and her teammate in danger. She had nine years to come clean." He pointed out almost angrily.
"She did it out of compassion. Sure she did not think it through. She admits to as much. But that's just who she is as a person. She's a bleeding heart has always been that way." He said with an amount of gruffness that surprised Minato. "You yourself once told me her compassion was one of the reasons you fell in love with her. So now that it caused you a little headache it's a character flaw?" Jiraiya asked Minato flippantly.
"She could have told me at the very least," he flexed his jaw. He was not used to Jiraiya talking to him in this manner.
"She did not spend the last nine years sitting around thinking about it. Did you not listen to a word she said?" Jiraiya asked him incredulously.
"Did you, sensei?" He shot back. "She lied through her teeth. Repeatedly."
Jiraiya's eyes narrowed. There was tension in his shoulders.
"She knows who the father is." He said in a low voice.
Minato said nothing. He ran a hand through his hair. He let out a ragged breath.
His eyes widened as he put two and two together.
"Kami, Minato!" He looked at him in disbelief. "How could you possibly fault her for waiting to keep that from the rest of the world?"
His jaw clenched. He did not like the way this conversation was headed.
Jiraiya leaned back. Understanding flooded him. "Oh so your ego is bruised that she didn't tell you sooner," Jiraiya chuckled humorlessly. "Maybe she shouldn't have told you at all. She's known for nine years and no one is none the wiser and you've known for considerably less time and I was able to see it all over your face."
A hurt look crossed Minato's face. "Way to kick a man when he's down, sensei."
"That's what I'm trying to tell you, you're not down. You are looking for issues where there are none." Jiraiya said calmly.
He turned his head. "You always take her side. Ever since the beginning."
Jiraiya pinched the bridge of his nose. "There are no sides, Minato." He blinked. "I can't believe I just said those words to you of all people. You're supposed to be the level-headed one." There were traces of marvel in his voice for all the wrong reasons. "The two of you versus the problem. She is not the problem. Don't forget that."
The blonde shook his head stubbornly. "She lied. You saw it. Everyone saw it. I don't know if I can ever trust what comes out of her mouth again." He admitted the dark thought out loud.
Jiraiya stared at him with an open mouth. It took him several seconds to recover. "If you really believe that then you are the biggest fool I've come across." He passed his judgment harshly.
Minato stared at him in a state of shock. Jiraiya never used that tone with him. It was reserved for people that Jiraiya did not like all too much.
"Sensei?" He said in surprise.
"I never thought I'd hear that punk's words coming out of your mouth." Jiraiya regarded him with an upturned lip.
A moment of heavy silence passed. Jiraiya carried on once it became apparent that Minato was not going to.
"She is the same person she is today that she was ten years ago. The one you were so bent out of shape over." He eyed him up and down. "I suppose that part hasn't changed all that much." He sighed deeply.
"Yeah, she lied but you know why she lied. She had a damn good reason to. Get over yourself. If there is a problem here it is you, not her. If you don't, you're going to lose the best thing that ever happened to you. Take it from someone who knows." Jiraiya's scathing tone cut through some of the brain fog.
Jiraiya watched him carefully. The blond looked defeated. "You're right, sensei." He sighed. "I don't know what's wrong with me." He admitted. "Lately, it feels like there is this giant crack in the ground between where Sakura and I are standing. Any little thing I do can cause it to spread and she'll be pulled away from me forever. It's terrifying."
"There are all these things I want to say to her and I think all day about saying them to her but when I see her I clam up. I'm worried I'll say the wrong thing and push her further away. I don't know why I feel so anxious. I've never felt like this before."
Jiraiya's expression softened. He dipped his head and closed his eyes. It was hard to see Minato so hurt. He really was going through something.
"Talk to her. Maybe she feels the same way. Tell her what you're experiencing." He leaned his head back. "Being vulnerable is not the worst thing in the world." He added as an afterthought.
The blond furrowed his brow. "I need to be strong for her." He protested.
Jiraiya scoffed. "She's plenty strong on her own. I'm sure she'd rather you be honest than whatever this cool, aloof, nonchalant, closed-off guy you're trying to be. That's not the person she chose to spend the rest of her life with."
Minato stared at Jiraiya in a mix of surprise and understanding.
"Just be honest?" He asked in a quiet voice.
Jiraiya nodded sagely. He looked over his shoulder. "It always works for me." He turned back to Minato.
"You're perpetually single." He pointed out impassively.
Jiraiya grinned impishly. "By choice."
Minato shook his head. "Yours or hers?" He asked knowingly.
Jiraiya shrugged in disinterest. "Does it matter?" His expression became solemn. "She's on her way up. Just remember what I said. I have faith you won't mess this up." He gave Minato two thumbs up before vanishing in a puff of smoke.
Minato shook his head. "Thanks for the pep talk, sensei." He did not even have a chance to think another thought before there was a knock on the door. He took a deep breath. "Come in, Sakura," he called out.
He turned around in time to see her walk in. She smiled shyly at him.
"Hi," she said.
"Hi," he said back.
"I'd like to talk if that's okay," she began in an uneasy voice. She looked about as nervous as he felt.
"I'd like that too." She helped herself to the chair across from his desk. He sat down in his.
"Thanks for saving me," she smiled. "Again." She added after some consideration. "You're pretty good at that."
"You don't have to thank me." He said sincerely. "Ever." The unease subsided slightly at the presence of warmth in her eyes. "I'll always have your back."
"I know." She looked down. "You were right. I put you in a really bad spot." She looked at him with remorse. "More than once. I'm sorry." She paused. "And I'm sorry for the trouble I caused with the Hyuga and Uchiha clans."
"Thank you," He said to her.
She rubbed her forehead. "I'll stay out of both their ways for as long as needed. Let me know if there's anything I can do to help?"
"I will."
"I never want to put you in a situation like this again. I understand how steep the price was for you today. It's something I won't ever forget. It won't happen again." There was conviction in her words.
"I'm looking into finding an antidote for the poison that was used for Ban. I'm hopeful that the same base formula was used for both versions that way one antidote would work for any of the variations assuming -"
"What happened to taking a step back?" Minato asked her with surprise, coloring his words.
She looked at him confused. "I had but with the current state of things it seems like an all-hands-on-deck kind of deal."
"I should have known." He said bitterly.
"What?" She looked at him, completely caught off guard.
"One mistake is that all it takes for me to make for you to jump back in?" He asked her. She could hear the anger start to bleed in. "I'm too incompetent to handle this properly. You don't trust me."
She shook her head. "No! That's not it at all. I'm just trying to help." She struggled to keep her voice even.
"It is true, Sakura. We've been dancing around this for years now. You tell me one thing and then you go off to do another." He stood up abruptly. He turned around to stare out the window.
She got up slowly. She gingerly walked up to him. "Darling?" She tested the waters. He ignored her. His anger was palpable. It had come on so suddenly. "Help me understand." She said gently. He was not making any sense to her.
"I can't believe I fell for it again," he laughed humorlessly. The sound that came out of his throat scared her. It was something she had not heard before.
"Fell for what?" She asked him, genuinely lost.
"I believed you." He spat out. She flinched. "You do this again and again and I never learn. You lie and I buy it like a sucker." He said heartbroken. "I believe you. I trust you when you show me time and time again that you don't trust me."
She closed her eyes. Her throat closed up. Her heart was breaking with each word that came out of his mouth.
"You waited to tell me you were pregnant until after the attack. I could have died without knowing. Do you know how much that messed with my head? With my emotions? I could have died without knowing my wife was pregnant just like my father did." The accusation, the venom in his voice. It made her heart skip a beat.
"You did not trust me with Tukiko. You do not trust me with Bat. You blame me for what happened to Bat. You didn't even trust me with your nightmares. For years I listened to you scream, cry, and beg, in your sleep. For years, Sakura! You would wake up and pretend like nothing was wrong. But something was. Something is. I can still hear your screams sometimes in my head." His facial expressions ranged from vehemently livid to utterly heartbroken.
Her brain was beginning to shut down. She never responded well to being yelled at. Her bottom lip quivered. She fought back the tears. She kept her mouth shut. Only sounds of anguish would leave her throat now. She watched as his eyes turned as cold as ice.
The way he was looking at her, with pure unadulterated resentment, shook her to her core. Her mind screamed at her to apologize. To beg for forgiveness but her throat was not cooperating. She stood there silent, frozen unable to do anything but blink. It only seemed to make him angrier.
"It's not new. You did not trust me with my own students. On our first mission together you didn't tell me just how badly I screwed everything up. I killed Rin. I'm the reason Obito lost his mind. Kakashi's trauma, I added to it. That was just the beginning, right? I got Kushina killed too. In your time? I was a failure. My students, my wife, and my son all suffered because of me. Because of the choices I made. That's why you're here, isn't it? To make sure I don't botch things as badly this time around. You're here to erase my mistakes. You're just doing your job. I am your burden. I am your mistake to fix. I am the failure you are saddled with."
He unloaded nearly ten years of grievances on her. His complaints with her, who she was. Ten years of his darkest thoughts. It was like a tidal wave. She struggled to keep her head above water. She was drowning. Drowning in his anger, his resentment, his sadness, his fear, his insecurity. It was too much.
His anger was volatile. It was unpredictable. His dark, dark eyes scanned her face as she stood there mute, paralyzed.
"You're not a failure." Through some miracle, she was able to say the words. She looked at him completely raw. Her jade eyes pleaded for forgiveness. It was all she could manage. Her brain was overstimulated.
"Yes. Yes, I am. They picked you to send forward and then back. They picked this time, my time, to rewrite. I am the reason why. My failure is the reason why. Because of me, my own son was condemned to a lonely childhood. He was vilified for my mistakes. He carried my burden just like how you're carrying mine now."
"They didn't trust me." His eyes regarded her coolly. "You don't trust me." He said matter-of-factly. His voice was barely above a whisper. "I should have believed you when you first showed me. All those years ago. I am a fool amongst fools."
Something inside of her shattered. Her knees nearly gave out from underneath her. Her head started to spin.
"I trust you," she sounded like a broken record. She felt like a broken record. "I trust you."
"You keep lying to me." His eyes were flat as he utterly gutted her with one breath.
She closed her eyes as tears cascaded down her cheeks. There were no words. She was defenseless against the accusation.
She flinched as the door slammed closed. Sakura reached for the wall to keep from falling over. She leaned her back against it heavily. She grabbed her stomach.
"You're okay, Baby." She whispered through her tears. "We're okay." She rode the wave of pain that overtook her.
"We're okay," she repeated as everything around her continued to unravel.