'I'm sorry, OA, I should've waited.'
She had apologized.
OA couldn't explain why that, of all things, was the one thought running through his mind right now.
He tried to go back in after the medical team swarmed the room, but as soon as he opened the door a nurse was pushing him back out telling him that he couldn't be in there. He moved to the window, but all he could see were the backs of everyone as they worked to bring his partner back to life… and all he could think about was how an apology had been some of her last words uttered to him.
He could hear loud voices but couldn't make out what they were saying. He wasn't sure if that was from the glass separating them or just the daze that he currently found himself in… but the knowledge of what just transpired nearly brought him to his knees.
Her heart had stopped in there and OA swore he could still hear that piercing sound of the machine. Now, the doctors and nurses were trying to bring her back, and all he could do was stare on helplessly.
As everyone moved around, OA caught sight of Maggie's lifeless form. If it wasn't for the chaos of the staff and the paddles they were currently placing on her chest, OA could've been convinced that she was just sleeping, her features remaining peaceful… but that was far from the truth and the reality came crashing back in just as forceful as the jolt that surged through her body from the defibrillator.
He held his breath, waiting for any sign that she was coming back but there weren't any. Tears streamed down his cheeks as the doctors started the process again. Watching her body jerk on the bed again made him cringe, but the feeling was immediately replaced with an overwhelming sense of relief as the monitor began showing a heart rhythm.
His knees grew week and he grasped the window frame to keep from falling forward. He stood there for a moment, catching the breath he didn't realize he had been holding.
A while later the door to Maggie's room opened and a nurse appeared in the hallway.
"What's going on? Is Maggie going to be okay?"
She closed the door behind her and stood in front of OA, the agent realizing that he had subconsciously moved to go back in the room. "I'm afraid there's not much I can say right now other than the fact that she is currently stable. The doctor needs to be in there for a while longer, but he will be able to tell you more."
"Please, I need to know how she's doing. "
"Sir, I'm sorry, but there's nothing more I can say at the moment."
"Can I at least go in there with her?"
She shook her head. "Not yet. Just give the doctor time and space to work. Why don't you go get a cup of coffee or rest for a bit in your room… we'll let you know when you can go back in with your fiancé." With that, she turned and left the hallway, leaving OA reeling.
He desperately needed to be in there with her, and if it wasn't for the fact that he would be in the way, he would have tried going in. He felt so useless standing out there because there was nothing he could do for Maggie, no way to help her… but as he thought about, he realized that wasn't completely true. There was one thing he could do.
Growing up, he had always leaned on his faith and relied on prayer. It was a large part of who he was today, so with one more gaze towards Maggie, he left to find a quiet room where he wouldn't be disturbed.
…
It was almost an hour later, just past two in the morning, when OA finally got to speak with the doctor. Instead of going back to his own room after praying, he had stayed in one of the chairs that was posted just outside Maggie's door.
He had watched nurses come and go as they aided the doctor, but each time he would ask for an update they would reply that they were sorry and Dr. Bradshaw would be out as soon as possible.
Finally, after OA's nerves were ripped apart and his patience had long since run thin, that moment finally arrived. Dr. Bradshaw was wearing a grim expression, and OA's heart was in his throat at the sight.
"H-how is she, doc?"
"Agent Zidan, I need you to know that Agent Bell's condition… it's not good. What happened earlier showed us that her exposure was worse than we had initially thought. Her heart rhythm is still a lot lower than I would like, and we have placed her on a ventilator."
OA opened his mouth to speak, but found himself at a loss for words.
"The next twenty-four to forty-eight hours are crucial. If she makes it through that, she will have a much better chance at a relatively full recovery."
"If?" The word was spit out like poison and OA was fighting the urge to throw up right then and there.
"I'm sorry, I wish I could tell you something better, but after what happened earlier, this changes the prognosis. If you would like, there is a priest here that can be in within the next hour."
"A priest?! You mean to read her last rites?"
The doctor nodded grimly and it was a jolt to OA's system… further proof of how dire the situation truly was. "Since you are her medical proxy, the decision would fall into your hands."
"I just- I can't think about that right now."
"Okay, well just take a little bit of time to decide, and let me know."
He just nodded, still in shock that they had reached the point of even having to consider it. Making a decision about it just seemed so final… almost as if he was giving up on her, but that couldn't have been further from the truth. Maggie was going to keep fighting, and he would be by her side for it.
That being said, he wasn't really sure what she would want in this situation.
"Also, I know this is probably one of the last things on your mind, but there is some good news. Your test results came back and are almost completely normal. Your exposure was minimal enough that it didn't cause any severe or lasting damage. Have you been experiencing any more of the symptoms we spoke about earlier?"
OA shook his head, not trusting himself to speak.
"Okay, well if you do, please let me know, but I believe you're going to be just fine, Agent Zidan."
OA couldn't bring himself to see this as good news. To him, the results just further proved that he shouldn't have waited. He shouldn't have taken the extra time to find that mask. Sure, he would have suffered more exposure, but it wouldn't have been for long and he could've gotten Maggie out quicker.
Now he was having to decide on whether or not to bring in a priest to read Maggie her last rites.
"If you would like, you can go back in the room with Agent Bell."
"Thank you." He mumbled before turning around and quickly making his way back to his girlfriend's room. He didn't know it was possible, but as he saw her this time, his heart broke even more than the first.
Yes, the sight of her pale skin and a breathing tube down her throat was bad enough, but the doctor's words from moments ago was weighing more heavily on his heart. 'If she makes it through that…'
He couldn't lose her… he just couldn't. He wouldn't survive losing Maggie. The thought of that becoming his reality felt like a crushing weight on his chest and for a moment he couldn't breathe. He bent over, hands on his knees as he tried to ground himself but the action made him dizzy so he sat down in the chair beside of Maggie's bed.
He grabbed her hand, taking in a gasping breath as the tears fell from his eyes. There was no holding them back this time.
"Please, Maggie. I need you to come back to me. You're doing so good, fighting so hard." He brought her hand up to his lips, mumbling the words against her skin. "I love you, Mags… so much."
It was true, he loved her more than he had ever imagined possible. They were only days away from being together a whole year, and OA could honestly say it had been the happiest of his life. Once they realized that they were both in it for the long haul, the couple disclosed their relationship to Isobel and Jubal. Surprisingly, there wasn't an issue with them remaining partners so nothing had really changed at work.
They were both just as fiercely loyal and protective as they had always been. Truthfully, OA had loved Maggie for longer than he was able to admit, so finally being able to express that hadn't changed a lot as far as how he treated her as his partner.
After four months, Maggie moved in with him. Some people might would say that it was too fast, he didn't mind at all though. Their relationship had progressed pretty quickly once they crossed that line, and OA wouldn't trade it for the world.
Now, he was scared… scared that all the precious memories he had made with Maggie would end up being the last.
Three days from now they were supposed to be celebrating making it to their one year anniversary… but now he was spending the night praying she made it until sunrise.