Chapter 4
The first call Rachel made when she got into work on Monday was to her OB. She had been with this doctor for some time, and she was hoping she could fit her in. Nervous anticipation bubbled within her as she dialed the number.
"Hi there. This is Rachel Green, and I was hoping the doctor could fit me in," she spoke, her voice betraying her anxiety.
"Of course, Ms. Green. Let me see what we have... Yes, I can fit you in at 3:30. Does that work?" The receptionist's calm response offered a soothing balm to Rachel's worries.
"Yes, thanks. I'll be there," Rachel replied with a sense of relief in her tone.
"Great, see you then," the receptionist affirmed.
Rachel then pulled out her cell phone to text Ross. Her fingers trembled slightly as she typed, Hey R, I made an appointment at 3:30. Meet me at 3:00 in the lobby? She no sooner put her phone down, then her phone vibrated in response. Great. See you then, R. The message from Ross brought a small smile to her face, reassurance in the midst of uncertainty. Ross entered the lobby of the glass building, his eyes searching for Rachel. His timing was impeccable, as she was just walking out of the elevator. She waved to him and gestured that she was on a call. Ross nodded and gave her an encouraging Rachel's call ended, she greeted him with a big hug. Her embrace conveyed both her gratitude and her vulnerability.
"Thanks for tagging along," she said, her voice filled with a mix of emotions.
"Of course, I want to be there, and I'm 50% responsible," Ross replied, his tone gentle and understanding.
"True," Rachel chuckled softly, finding solace in his presence.
The appointment went well and confirmed what the test over the weekend had told the couple. But now they had a due date (1/19/2017) and an ultrasound picture. They held hands for the first time in a long time as they left the doctor's office, their fingers intertwined with a renewed sense of hope and connection.
"We can pick up your prescription on the way home," Ross suggested, a touch of practicality in his voice.
"Thank you for reminding me," Rachel replied, grateful for his thoughtfulness.
"Sure."
"Ross, can we wait to tell people? And by people, I literally mean everyone, even Monica and Emma?" Rachel's voice quivered with anxiety as she broached the subject.
"Yes, I'll do whatever you feel comfortable with," Ross assured her, his voice filled with warmth and understanding. "Plus, it's kind of fun to have a secret that is just ours."
"I want to wait until at least 12 weeks, maybe even 16 weeks," Rachel confided, her vulnerability on full display.
"I vote we tell Emma at 12. I feel like we need to give her time to process," Ross suggested, demonstrating his sensitivity to their daughter's feelings.
"Deal. But that way, if anything happens, we can grieve privately. Not that anything will happen." Rachel's voice trembled slightly as she voiced her fears.
"Rach, you heard the doctor, everything looks fine," Ross reassured her, pulling her closer.
"I mean, I know, but I want to protect Emma," Rachel admitted, her love for their family evident in her words.
About a week and half later, Emma was in good spirits, kept in the dark about her parent's big secret, but she was looking forward to her party tomorrow. She couldn't wait to have time with her friends and Chase. She was just about to reach for her phone and send a text when her mom popped in her room. She was holding a bright pink gift bag with polka dot tissue paper.
Emma smiled big and said, "Hi Mom. Is that for me?"
"Yes. I know your birthday is tomorrow, but I can't wait any longer."
Rachel watches anxiously as Emma unwraps her birthday present. She's been planning this for weeks, trying to find the perfect gift for her daughter's special day. Emma's eyes light up as she sees the elegant Chanel bag in the box. She gasps and looks up at her mother in amazement.
"Mom, this is amazing! How did you know I wanted this?" Emma asks, hugging her mother tightly.
Rachel smiles, feeling a rush of love for her daughter. "I just know you so well, my sweet girl," she says.
Emma looks at her mother, sensing that there's something more on her mind. "Mom, is everything okay?" she asks, concerned.
Rachel hesitates for a moment, then decides to keep her worries to herself for now. She wants to enjoy this moment with her daughter, without any distractions.
"Everything is perfect, Emma. I just love you so much," Rachel says, pulling her daughter in for another hug. Emma feels the warmth of her mother's embrace and smiles, feeling grateful for this special bond they share.
The party was in full swing as Emma and her friends gathered in the escape room, eagerly trying to solve the puzzles that would unlock the door to freedom. Emma was having a blast, surrounded by her closest friends and family. Her cousin and best friend, Hannah, was by her side, and she had invited some of her other friends from school, including Kylie, Aubrey, Taylor, and Alexis. But there was one person on her mind: Chase. Emma had had a crush on him for months, and she was determined to use her 14th birthday party as an opportunity to get closer to him. As the group worked together to solve the puzzles, Emma found herself gravitating towards Chase, laughing at his jokes, and flirting shamelessly with him. Chase seemed to be enjoying the attention, and Emma couldn't help but feel a flutter of excitement in her chest every time he smiled at her or brushed up against her in the tight quarters of the escape room. But as they worked their way through the puzzles, Emma's other friends noticed her behavior towards Chase. Some of the girls exchanged knowing glances, and Emma's guy friends started teasing her about her crush. Emma tried to play it cool, but she couldn't help feeling self-conscious as the attention shifted towards her and Chase. She was worried that she was being too obvious, and that everyone would find out about her crush. But as they finally solved the last puzzle and the door to the escape room swung open, Emma felt a surge of pride and joy. She had accomplished something she had set out to do, and she had shared the experience with her closest friends. As they all walked out of the room, Emma felt Chase's hand brush against hers, and she looked up at him, feeling her heart skip a beat. She knew that there was a chance that nothing would come of her crush, but in that moment, surrounded by her friends and family, she felt happy and hopeful.
Emma and Chase found a moment away from the rest of the party guests, enjoying a quiet spot in the garden. The air was filled with the laughter and chatter of their friends, but they felt like they were in their little world.
Chase flashed a charming smile at Emma. "You look amazing tonight, Emma. Happy birthday, by the way."
Emma blushed and playfully nudged him. "Thanks, Chase. You clean up pretty well yourself."
He chuckled and took a deep breath before speaking earnestly, "Emma, there's something I've been wanting to ask you. We've been hanging out a lot lately, and I really enjoy spending time with you. I was wondering if you'd like to be my girlfriend?"
Emma's eyes lit up, and a mixture of excitement and hesitation crossed her face. "Chase, I really like you too, and I enjoy our time together. But..." She hesitated, glancing away for a moment before continuing, "My parents, they have this rule. I'm not allowed to date until I'm older."
Chase looked a little disappointed but understanding. "Oh, I see. Well, I respect your parents' rules, but I hope we can still be close friends."
Emma smiled, relieved that he wasn't upset. "Of course! I really want that too. And who knows what the future holds, right? Maybe when I'm older, we can give it a shot."
Chase nodded, his smile returning. "You're right. I'll be patient. In the meantime, we'll make some awesome memories as friends."
Emma's heart swelled with happiness. "Definitely! And thank you for being so understanding, Chase. You're amazing."
He gently took her hand and squeezed it. "You're amazing too, Emma. And I'll be right here whenever you're ready. Promise."
They exchanged a sweet smile, their connection deepening as they enjoyed the rest of the party together, knowing that their friendship was something special, regardless of any labels or titles. They were content with the present and excited for whatever the future had in store for them.
The weeks rolled by and soon it was July. Emma was spending her mornings at summer school taking algebra so she could start geometry in the next school year, then she went to SAT prep and finally ended her day at the YMCA pool, usually hanging out with Chase, Hannah, and Taylor. Because of the "secret" Ross and Rachel were keeping from her, a distance sort of sprung up between thing as one does when information is being withheld, especially one this big. Emma was a little hurt because she felt like her parents were not interested in her life. Being a teenager, she didn't want them to be too interested but she felt a little slighted. Ross struggled because he wanted to let Emma in on everything, but he respected Rachel's decision to hold off. Rachel made very little changes to her rigid routine so that Emma didn't suspect anything. But it was in early July when she couldn't take it anymore and she had to unbutton the top button of her pants, she did it before she left work and had a flowy top that protected her secret on the ride home but on the city block walk to the brownstone, she ripped of that flowy top and just had a white tank on. The humidity hung in the air and left Rachel will a glisten all over. Her white tank begin to stick to her ever so slightly rounded stomach which was also extenuated by her newly created low-rise pants. It was about 5:00 and Emma was in the kitchen looking around for something to eat after getting home from the pool, she had just showered and changed into shorts and an oversized NYC shirt that belonged to her dad. When the door opened, she assumed it was Ross since he was usually first home from teaching summer school.
"Dad, can we please order out? It's too hot for any kind of cooking. Emma said as she walked out to foyer. When she saw Rachel, she gave her puzzled look.
"Mom, what is happening with your pants? My gosh, you've really got to get that under control. Too many pretzels after lunch."
"Hello to you too, Emma. Ordering out is fine with me."
Rachel retreated upstairs, while Emma sheepishly turned to go back to the kitchen before reversing course and following her mom upstairs. Her mother had a bit of a head start and had closed her bedroom door which usually Emma respected as a sign of "Do Not Enter" but she busted through the door. She hadn't been in the room in quite a while, but it was the perfect blend of her parents, a little art deco, mid-century with metallics.
"Mom" Emma said, as she walked through the room to the bathroom which led to a closet where she knew she would find her mother changing clothes, "I'm sorry for what I said. I did a poor job of being an accountability partner. If you're crying, I'm sorry. You'll be back to normal in no time."
Rachel hesitated in the closet before she came out or responded to her daughter. If she only knew what new normal awaited them but she also wanted to appropriately address the comments Emma had made because they were hurtful.
"I'm not crying, but I should be it's just I'm able to process better as I approach my mid-40s, baby. Also yes, I have been enjoying so extra snacks but Emma, you shouldn't talk to me or anyone that way. You never know what someone is going through. I think it's fine to show concern but don't shame them."
"I know. I'm sorry. I feel like we've just been so out of sync this summer."
Rachel glanced up at the calendar that she had in the bathroom and confirmed what she knew all along this Friday July 3rd was officially the 12-week mark and she knew that telling Emma was going to need to happen sooner rather than later because she couldn't pass this off as pretzels for too much longer.
"Let's just blame the heat."
"At least we'll have Egypt soon. It will be so nice to get away and explore."
Ross soon appeared and said "Hi" to the girls. He agreed that Emma could order take out of her choice for everyone. Emma retreated downstairs and Ross stayed up to change which was perfect because it gave Rachel as chance to strategized with him about Friday.
"This Friday is 12 weeks, and we really need to just tell Emma. I've started to gain weight and she is fat shaming me about pretzels."
"Ouch." Ross said as he reached out to lovingly pinch her side, "I have to say I'm loving it."
"Stop it. Be serious. We have to break this news to our 14-year-old daughter. Imagine Jack and Judy sitting you down at 14 for this conversation." Ross had a strong reaction to that statement, and quickly responded, "Do you hate me?"
"Of course, not but I'm afraid the road your headed down leads to the bed and not this conversation. Jack and Judy are wonderful mood killers."
"Let's take Emma out to dinner at that Korean BBQ place she loves on Friday, make it as special as we can and then break the devastating news."
"Lovely."
Emma was sitting up in bed texting when her dad popped in.
"Hey Em. Your mom and I want to take you out to dinner on Friday. A special family thing, just to re-connect and we have a surprise."
Emma smiled as she replied, "Sounds great." Ross turned to leave the room but as he got to the door, Emma said, "Is mom mad at me? I said some things about her weight, and she acted okay but she seemed really crushed."
"Em, you know she is sensitive, so you just gotta sugar coat things sometimes. But she loves you and even if she was mad, she forgives easy."
"True. Friday sounds great."
On Friday, Emma and Taylor were lounging by the pool at the Y, when she had a brilliant idea. She wanted Chase to come to dinner with her parents, once they got to know him maybe they would start letting him come over and hang out. When she finally decided to head home, it was after 4:30, she waved goodbye to Taylor and bounded up the steps to the brownstone. She noticed her mom's shoes and purse, subway pass sticking out and all in the foyer, so she headed up stairs to ask about Chase going to dinner. She found her mom clacking away at her desk in her office.
"Mom, hi." Emma said sweetly. Rachel looked up from her computer screen and smiled, "Hi Ems. How are you? How was the pool?"
"Great. It was so nice to relax, SAT prep was exhausting. "Emma said as she placed her hand on her head for dramatic effect. "But I was thinking that maybe Chase could come to dinner tonight. I mean you and dad only met him the one time. Summer is almost halfway over, and it would be fun if he could come hang out here, but I know dad will want to get to know him before he would ever allow that so dinner."
"I think we both would love that! I know this summer has been weird for all of us, but I promise that after tonight it will begin to make sense which is why I think it would be best for the dinner should just be us three."
"But I mean what could you say that would be weird? I mean I think I have an idea about what the surprise is."
"Who said anything about a surprise?"
"Dad said that you guys had a surprise for me when he told me about the dinner on Tuesday."
"Well, yes, there is a surprise, but I'd bet you haven't guessed it. Since I know what it is, can you just trust me that it should just be us three?"
"I feel like this is just Dad using you as his pawn, so Chase is just not ever allowed to come over or let us go on dates."
"First of all, I'm not Dad's pawn ever. Really not liking that my daughter would ever think that. Furthermore, you can't date until you're 16 which has been the rule since forever."
"But Mom, 14 really is the new 16, plus I get straight As, I'm in summer school, SAT prep, I'm more responsible than most people my age. I haven't been grounded in forever. You just need to remind Dad of all that like every day. You're too cool to not let me just date."
"I've never heard it put that way making yourself older, isn't it usually like 50 is the new 40, How do you know that Dad is the one who made the rule?"
"I don't but,"
"Emma. You're a great kid. Seriously, I'm in awe of how well you do academically and how great you are to your friends and Hannah, me and dad but that doesn't mean that I think you're ready for everything."
Emma was starting to protest again when Ross appeared in the door frame and said, "Hi" with a big grin.
Seeing an opening after learning more intel from her mother, Emma decided to try another route.
"Dad, can you tell me why Chase can't come to dinner tonight? And why Mom thinks I'm so immature? Did you tell her about my discussion with your grad students about climate change? You said I grasped the concepts as well as them."
Ross's eyes got big and darted between Emma and Rachel while a silence hung in the room. Ross cleared his throat and began to speak, "Well, Emma, I'm not sure what I walked into, but I don't think your mother and I don't think you're immature. We love you and want the best for you, so we must set boundaries."
"You guys have been so weird all summer and now there is this "surprise" that I know is a super, fun family vacation," Emma said with a touch of sarcasm. "Which makes no sense because we're already going to Egypt. Unless I've been uninvited from that trip because you guys just have no interest in me or my friends or all the hard work, I've been putting in to be the perfect daughter. All I get is quiet whispers or silence when I walk into a room, and you never ask about my life which I know is ironic since I'm 14 but I thought we had a relationship that was different." Her voice was getting louder as she spoke, and she was clearly upset and had been holding all this in for a while. Since Emma's back was toward Ross, he began mouthing to Rachel, "Tell her." Rachel did an ever so slight nod in response and waited for Emma to finish. She stood up and pulled Emma in for a hug, petted her hair and let Emma's head lay on her shoulder. Once she was calm, Rachel pulled her toward the small grey sofa, moved a yellow pillow and motioned for Emma to sit. When the girls were seated, Ross flanked Emma to the left. Rachel took Emma's hands in her and began to gently speak while Ross put his hands on Emma's shoulders. "Emma, we hear you, but I promise it's not what you think."
"Okay," Emma said quietly, "Not gonna lie, you guys are officially freaking me out now. Is someone going to die?"
"Well funny, you should put it that way" Ross began. Rachel gave him a look and he remembered his famous trait of not knowing when to shut up and he promptly shut up.
"Emma. I don't exactly know the best way to say this except no one is dying but Emma, you're going to be a big sister. This," Rachel continued as lifted her t-shirt just a little to reveal the tiniest but evident bump, "is not an afternoon pretzel." She tried to make it sound funny but was afraid her choice of words came across as sarcastic.
Emma's eye got big and round, she pulled away from her mother and shrugged her shoulders off her father's hands as she stood up and began to walk out of the room, before breaking into a high step down the stairs, she slipped on her Converse at the door and ran out the door. She was high tailing it out of there. Her emotions were all over the place and began to show up as tear piling out of her eyes down her cheeks. She stopped running in front of familiar door and began knocking loudly, she didn't have her phone so she said a silent prayer that she would be home. Then the door opened, Monica exclaimed, "Emma, oh my gosh. Are you okay?"
"No, I'm really not. "Emma said as she reached out for a hug, "Is Hannah here?"
Monica wrapped up in a hug before replying, "No. Hannah, MJ and Uncle Chandler went to see Nora for the weekend. What wrong?"
"My parents have been lying to me all summer and today they decided to just drop this bombshell on me. They clearly see me as someone who isn't in the circle."
"Sweetie. I'm sure that isn't true. Your parents love you so much, but parent's make mistakes. Usually, they're trying to do what they think is best and it's all out of love." Monica's voice trailed on as she felt her phone vibrate in her pocket. Emma felt it too.
"That's probably them. I left a little dramatically, but you will understand when I tell you the full story." Monica petted Emma's blonde hair as she reached for her phone. It was from her brother as Emma predicted.
Hey Mon. Can you let me know if Emma is with you?
Hey Ross. Yes, Emma is here. She is really upset, so I'm just letting her vent. Is everything okay?
Well yes and no. Please tell Emma, we love her and we're here to talk when she is ready to come home. I'll fill you in later but thanks for being there for Emma.
Monica replied with a thumbs up, but a confused look came over her face with the cryptic nature of Ross's text. She was thinking about texting Rachel who was a lot easier to crack but she decided to turn her attention to her niece.
"That was your dad as you predicted. He said you can come home anytime. But I let him know you're safe here."
"Thank you" Emma said with a smile, "I realize I didn't act too mature by storming out but this whole summer has been so weird and now my mom is..."
"Why has this summer been weird?" Monica cut Emma off before she could finish her sentence which precluded the big reveal but with Monica being so unaware, she couldn't help but draw out details on Emma's first sentence.
"Mom and Dad have been so secretive. Lots of whispering and when I enter the room silence. Which makes sense now."
"You know now that you mention it, they have been a bit distant."
"So, you don't know? I thought maybe Mom would have told you."
"Told me? Told me what?" the anticipation rose in her voice, but Monica wasn't all that surprised that Rachel hadn't confided in her. Monica always felt like Rachel was holding back a little and, in her mind, Chandler had begun to fill the "best friend" role, but Monica was determined to keep them close, so she did push a little. She did the same with Phoebe. She was trying to think of the last conversation she had with Rachel, and nothing stuck out that would lead to Emma having a small melt down. It was a Saturday morning and the pair had met for coffee at this new place around the corner from them. She had gotten there early and was reading a book when Rachel appeared in at her table with a big smile on her face. Her hair was slightly curled at the ends, light make up, a violet Nike t-shirt with black leggings and some cute tennis shoes.
"Hi Best Friend." She said in a sing-song voice, "Did you order yet?"
"Hi back Best Friend. Monica said not as happily but she never was as breezy as Rachel. "Yes, I got decaf as you requested. Are you cutting caffeine?"
"Yes. I haven't been sleeping well." Rachel lied, well a bit. Who sleeps well anyways.
"Well, it's really working. You look amazing! So how is work?"
Monica did get a sense Rachel was holding back something, but she had kind of felt that way in their friendship since Rachel had her episode and Monica took over for a while. Monica didn't know if Rachel felt she overstepped or what, when she was direct Rachel only said things like she was grateful and how much Monica meant to her. Monica turned back to Emma waiting an answer and smiled when she realized how much this young lady looked like her best friend.
"Told you she's pregnant." Emma said.
Monica's jaw literally dropped, and she couldn't speak, "What? I just sat with her a couple days ago and she didn't say anything."
"Well now you know how I feel about it."
"Is she okay?"
"I mean, I guess. I just ran out of there."
"Because she really struggled with this area of her life."
Emma looked a little puzzled and felt a little lost, it was like this small crack had opened into a world or person she didn't know. Monica saw Emma's puzzled looked and wondered if she should continue, part of her wanted to share this moment with Emma who was so special to her, but she also didn't want to take anything away from Rachel.
"It's really your mom's story to tell but just know that she really wanted to have another baby after you were born. I mean not right after."
"Have I really been that dense? I never knew anything. I thought they were happy with just me."
"Baby, I think that are very happy, more than happy with just you. It wasn't about Emma 2.0 or anything. You know your dad had me and your mom had her sisters, so it just felt right. But like I told your mom, Emma has Hannah and MJ, and Ben, of course. I always wanted you and Hannah to be close and the fact that you guys are just makes me so happy. I know your mom feels the same way."
Emma nodded in response and smiled, "I love Hannah so much."
"Your mom really wanted a sister for you, so when she lost Lola." It was then that Monica realized she had said too much because Emma's face became even more confused, "Who is Lola?"
"Okay, I've really said too much. I want to tell you but it's not my place."
Emma reached for her phone, she took the easy way out and text. While Emma was distracted with her phone, Monica also pulled out her phone and began texting with Rachel.
Hey Rach. I'm sure Ross told you Emma was here. She is okay. If I bring her home, are you in an okay space to talk to her. I think if you told her about 2004, it would help. I'll be honest I've put the corner pieces down, but it should really come from you. Also, congrats! Emma told me about your other news.
Monica slowly waited for the response and had no idea what to expect. Meanwhile, Emma was also texting Rachel.
Hey mom. I'm really sorry for storming out of the house. I just wasn't prepared for that news at all. I'm not sure how to feel but my first reaction is to be a little sad. Also, I have some questions for you?
Rachel responded to Emma first,
Hi Ems. I'm so sorry to spring this news on you. You really don't need to be sad. We can talk when you get home.
Then Monica felt her phone vibrate,
Hey Mon, thank you so much for taking such care of Emma. If she is ready to come home, just let her know she is welcome. I figured 2004 would come up with Emma at some point, although I didn't expect it to be this situation. I know you're thinking that I left you out, but it was just me wanting to wait. Love you.
Monica loved the message and turned back to Emma. Emma smiled and said she was ready to head home. Monica offered to walk her home, but Emma declined and said she could use the quiet walk back. She thanked her aunt for everything and said she would call her later. Emma was nervous as she made the short walk back to her home. She felt like her parents were becoming like strangers and she wasn't sure she wanted to hear a story that Monica led her to believe was cryptic. Who was Lola? Why did her parents never had a second baby and why was it happening now?
Meanwhile...
Rachel looked at Ross with wide eyes and a look of wow, before stating, "That didn't go how I wanted it to. Poor Emma."
"I mean she's 14. It could have been worse."
"I guess."
"What was with the pretzel comment? I lost you there."
"I took Emma to get a pretzel when she come to work with me like a million years ago. She someone got it in her head that I love those soft pretzels. A couple weeks ago when she asked about my pants not fitting, she blamed it on the pretzels. I should have told her sooner."
"You never took me to get a soft pretzel."
"No, we just had sex in my office that time."
"There was time after." Ross said half kidding, "You were protecting Emma, she'll understand."
"Was I? Or was I just protecting myself?"
"Aren't those the same thing?"
"Thanks for making me feel better. And I know she's running down to Monica's so that will save me from having to tell her."
"Does it bother you that she ran there?"
"No. Maybe a little. It's makes me wonder about those months when I couldn't be there for her, if I damaged our relationship."
"I don't think so. You guys are always chatting and laughing. It does hurt when it's at my expense though. I remember after Emma's birthday party, you had already gone upstairs, and she turned to me and said, "Mom is just the best." She loved that gift. I think Monica is just another great person that Emma looks up to and admires."
"But Hannah wouldn't come over here running after a crisis."
"Well, we don't know that for sure. I'm going to text Mon to make sure Emma is safe."
"Mom, Dad" Emma yelled as she walked through the door, she had started to sprint home and sweat glistened on her forehead, "I'm sorry. I panicked."
It seemed as if the 15 minutes had never passed as Emma made her way up the stairs and back into her mom's office. She entered the room and found them in the same places as she left them, including the space she had left on the couch.
"Mom, Dad. I'm sorry that was just a lot, and I didn't handle the news well. I really thought you were going to tell me that we were going on a vacation because of the ads I've been getting. This is not something I ever expected. I also thought you were happy with just me. I didn't know you wanted more kids." Emma started to cry.
Ross looked at Rachel who was also beginning to cry, so he took this opportunity to speak first, "Emma, we love you so much. This was a total accident, I mean the lake was just so beautiful and that fresh mountain air…He was abruptly cut off when Rachel cut in, "Emma, what your dad is trying to say is that we didn't plan this at all. We're so happy with just you. There was a time when we did want another baby when you were younger, but we had just been so happy having siblings."
"Aunt Monica mentioned someone named Lola. Who is that?"
"Here Em, sit down and I'll tell you." Rachel said as she motioned for Emma to join her on the couch. Ross felt a little anxious about how this would go, and he took a deep breath.
"First off, let me start by telling you that Dad and I weren't really together at the beginning of this story, but I think you already knew that part." Emma nodded. "When you were almost two, my dad died. And your dad was so amazing. I can't even begin to tell you how much it meant to me that he came with me and stayed with me. But losing my dad was so hard, I just felt like I had more time, and you were just a baby. But it did bring dad and I back together.
"Which was a miracle" Ross chimed in, "And I don't use that word a lot."
"Because you're a scientist." Rachel and Emma said in unison, then burst into laughter.
"Hey when it comes to matters of the heart, not the beating one, scientists can believe in miracles. Especially when it comes to this see saw of a relationship. Of course, I mean back then. BE."
"Oh 'Before Emma'. I'm not sure if that timeline tracks because I heard you guys' official count Hannah's first birthday as your like comeback tour so that's like almost two years AE."
"You were the sweetest, Emma. AE is my favorite time."
"Aww, thanks. I think so. But we've got to get back to the story, I'm on the edge of my seat here."
"It was like such an amazing time, it felt right. I mean outside of death." Ross said with hesitation he looked over a Rachel expectation a strong reaction, but she nodded and chimed in, "It really was. It felt like things were falling into place and it felt so right."
"Am I missing something because it seems like we're about to jump 12 years into the future, where two forty somethings are going to have to figure out how to change a diaper again."
"We're getting to it. I've never really told anyone this story to be honest. Everyone who was close to me lived it, well my therapist heard it, but it's been a looonngg time. I'm not sure that we ever talked about it, at least during this time but I think we always wanted two kids." Rachel looked at Ross for confirmation.
"Yes" He nodded, "I remember freaking you out with this conversation back when Ben was a baby. "
"I remember." She said with a smile, "And Emma was girl, just like you predicted so Ben wouldn't be jealous. Sorry, Emma. You're really going to need to keep us on track and, I'm really nervous to tell you this because it was a time in my life that I really hard." She finished as tears began to well in her eyes. Emma grabbed her mom's hand and patted it as if to say, 'it's okay.'
"I'll kick it off" Ross said, "Your mom got home late like always, she has been pretty consistent in that regard. Molly, your nanny, left and I got this time with you that I cherished because we would read or play. You had this adorable little laugh, and we would talk about colors or animals. It was April 2004, so you were just about to turn two. But this time your mom wasn't late because she was working, she went to the doctor, and she hadn't told me because she wanted to surprise me. It was really sweet. She came in through the door with this big smile on her face, almost goofy and I knew something was up. But I told her how much I loved your little laugh. You found this book about bananas hilarious. Mom just said something like 'Get ready for a lot more laughter because Emma's going to be a big sister.' I was so excited; I remember getting up with you and hugging your mom. She was the happiest I had seen her in months obviously, but it was such a great surprise. We didn't plan it, but it felt right. I mean at that time I have to say I was felt like everything was going to work out. As if life finally made sense."
"Wait, you didn't plan to have me either? How did you feel then? Things didn't make sense."
"It was different, but not bad different."
"I'm messing with you, Dad. I've versions of that story from all the Aunts and Uncles, so I know." Emma said with a wink.
"I would say" Rachel added, "That it was scary because the idea of us having a baby together was so foreign at that time, but we were really happy. And you turned out to be a dream come true."
"Honestly, that was the scariest moment of my life."
"When I told you about Emma?"
"No, when Emma just asked about it. I'm sweating." Rachel fanned him with her hand and jumped in to continue the story. "Life really did feel so sweet in that moment, but then a couple weeks later. It was actually a few days before your second birthday, I started feeling really bad a work. It was terrible pain, cramps. So, I text your dad and he told me to go to the hospital which I did after he rescued me in the lobby because it was that painful. They told me that I lost the baby. I really don't remember much of those weeks because I blocked them out. I felt like I was just in a dark hole that I couldn't get out of.
"That was Lola."
"Yes. You see I had a couple months of being really depressed and withdrawn. I'm happy you don't remember because it was rough on all of us. Auntie Monica really helped with you and would bring Hannah over all the time."
"I'd never seen you like that before; I remember how scared I was and helpless." Ross added. Emma's eyes got cloudy, "I wish I could have helped you. I'm here for you now." Emma said.
"Thank you, Baby." Rachel continued, "I felt so hurt by the circumstances and empty from the loss that I couldn't really push myself to go on. But then Phoebe reminded me that we all have such much loss, but we have so much to live for. I know it sounds obvious but her words at that moment where like a spotlight in the darkness.
"Mom said she wanted to name the baby we lost, and I was on board. Lola was a name from this song, your mom sang when we were first going out and she said it was when she knew I really loved her."
"That is so sweet. Wow. It's weird to think about having a sister. I mean Hannah is like my sister, but it would have been like me, Hannah nine months later, then nine months later. Wait, I sense a pattern here. I'm really sorry that this happened to you guys and us, even though I don't remember. Did you decide not to have any more kids after that?"
"Well, no, we really wanted to have another baby, but it just didn't happen. Ross continued, "MJ was born, then August and Ziggy. Then it just felt like maybe that chapter closed, but clearly not. I just want to say, and I think I speak for both of us when I say we didn't feel like you weren't enough."
"I agree. I'll be honest with you; Emma I waited a long time to tell you, but it really took me a long time to come to terms with this because it was so unexpected. So, when you say you felt like this summer has been weird, you're not wrong and I'm sorry that we had to lie to you. It was me."
"That's okay, I mean I understand. Not gonna lie, this is a lot to process so I get why you wanted to take that time but thank you for telling me. Also, I totally understand why you didn't want Chase to be there. "
