"And you don't seem the lying kind
A shame that I can read your mind
And all the things that I read there
Candlelit smile that we both share"

- Bôa

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"So, Soujiro! How's living with Kenshin like?"

That was Misao that asked me just now. I had to visit my locker real quick while Kenshin ran off to say hello to his other bros near our homeroom. This is the first morning I've experienced going to school after coming straight from Kenshin's place, and I have to say, it's an incredibly strange feeling; on one hand, it's amazing that I can experience the humdrum moments of life with him every single day now, instead of having to schedule these moments when we had to live apart. But on the other hand, I still have to deal with his stepfather Hiko, and having to pretend to be anything other than what I truly am.

It's better than before, but it's still not quite how I like it.

Still, I lie. I smile at Misao cheerfully, "It's awesome! I love living with him!"

She laughs bubbly, "Really? That is so cute! When Sanosuke told me and Megumi about it over the weekend while you two were staying at a hotel, we were so worried that you were going to take it badly for some reason."

"Huh?" I blink at her, "Take it badly? What do you mean by that?"

"Ah," She smiles awkwardly and realizes her own blunder, "I think I'm putting my foot in my mouth with that. But.. Take me for example: I'm really close to my mom. If I had to live away from her, even if I got to live with my beloved Aoshi, or even if she was an evil mother.. I would still go through a lot of emotions over it. I was kind of hoping that you didn't feel too bad over having to leave your dad, even if he is an absolute piece of shit."

My eyes widen at her, "Gosh, Misao, you're really.. sweet over this. Have you though about becoming a counselor or a therapist?"

"What?! No way!" She huffs but smiles cheekily, "I want to open up my own beauty salon along with Megumi. We are really into makeup and shit."

"Oh.." I close my locker after gathering my stuff in my arms for my class after homeroom check in, "Not that there's anything wrong with that, but.. I think you strike me as more of a doctor type, you know?"

She gapes at me, her cheeks suddenly flushing, "Really?"

I smile at her warmly, "Really. You are so smart and caring and Kenshin's lucky to have a friend like you in his life. I can definitely see you changing more lives with just through your kindness alone."

She is stunned and doesn't say anything for a while, looking at me. But then she starts to laugh awkwardly, scratching the side of her face, "Oh ho ho ho ho ho! Don't say those things, Soujiro, you don't mean that!"

We are now walking side by side, and I watch her as she tries to quiet down from that jester like laughter. I have to wonder if maybe I hit a sore spot for her. I can't help it within these moments with people, though; I know talent and intelligence when I see it, so I like to remind people of those things whenever possible. I wonder if she would mind if I helped her with her college applications? Would she even appreciate that? It would be so cool to have Kenshin's friends near the two of us as much as possible after high school, since I am apprehensive over just how open minded college students are compared to high school students.

I've been harassed and bullied over being gay ever since puberty. I would think that college aged boys are still just as homophobic, if not more so, than the high school students we are surrounded around everyday. It's better to just keep my old friends rather than try making any new ones.

"If you want," I shrug with one shoulder casually while throwing her another smile, "I can help you with the college applications. There's still time for you. At this point, I don't want to go to a super expensive university, especially since I'm super attached to you guys over any old plans I've made with my father. I think we should all go to the same school."

"Soujiro.." Her eyes waver as she clasps her hands together, "You would really go that far for us?"

"I'd do anything for you guys," I look on ahead as we walk through the hallway, "I mean.. I know I've fucked up severely regarding Kaoru and I will always regret what I've done to her. But that doesn't mean I am going to also take Kenshin away from the rest of you, either. You've been in his life for a lot longer than I have, so that wouldn't be fair. If I can't fix the pain of what I've done to Kaoru, then.. I at least hope this offer can help a little bit with all of you."

"You know," She sighs, "Kaoru's actually seeing someone right now."

I whip my head at her, surprised, "Wait. Really?"

She nods, "Mm-hmm. He's a really nice guy, apparently. But she wouldn't really tell me much more than that no matter how much I've tried haggling over the phone with her. Kaoru's the bookish, shy type, so she doesn't like to gush about buys like me and Megumi do."

I suppose I should feel relieved that Kaoru's moving on and dating again, but I have to wonder if it's a little too soon at the same time. Even though things did not lasted long between her and Kenshin, she was still more or less armored over him for so many years, probably since they were just becoming teenagers. Still, Kaoru does deserve to feel happy.

"Does Kenshin know?" I hug the books against my chest tighter. Anytime Kaoru's name is brought up, I always feel on edge for some reason.

"Hmm?" She blinks at me, "Well, they are exes now, so no, I don't suppose he knows about that. It's probably better that he doesn't know. I mean, no offense, Soujiro, but he did liked her before you came into our lives so I don't think this situation is as black and white as we are lead to believe."

Ah. There it is. That pain of knowing something about Kenshin that I didn't wanted to know.

"Oh, ouch!" I giggle, never the less trying to ignore that prick of pain inside my heart, "I get it, though. Alright, we won't tell him."

It hurts to know that Kenshin and her shared something special, once upon a time. Even though I should be practically oozing with arrogance that I was the reason for them permanently breaking up over my promiscuous behavior—and propping myself up as the shiny new toy in Kenshin's eyes—I know I still can't compete against the history they have with each other. If I had never met Kenshin, or if I had never found him on social media over a year ago today.. Would they have made a life together? Gotten married after high school and have kids along the way?

The hold I have of my books tighten even harder now.

It's thoughts like this that keeps reminding me that I will never be normal. That I will never be like everybody else. And despite everything, despite the fact that I won Kenshin over, she is still going to lead a happy, normal life being able to love whoever she wants without facing ridicule over it. She would have kids and not have to worry about having to go through the adoption agency and then getting rejected when they realize that you are gay.

I guess maybe I really am envious of Kaoru.

When am I ever going to learn to let this shit go?

"Good!" Misao squeals, "Oh look, the gang's over there! Hi Megumi, Hi Sano and Yahiko and Kenshinnn!"

Misao..

I promise that I can show you that I'm not a selfish piece of shit that just wants to keep Kenshin all to myself.

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The rest of the day was incredibly uneventful. Classes went on as usual, and Kenshin tried his best to pay attention to the materials at hand as much as his brain could allow it. I think he's still very sleepy from this morning, and I can't help but feel a little guilty over that. I don't know what came over me last night, but I knew I had to be close to him again. Even though that nightmare I had of Okita was real, my tears were honestly hyped up because I wanted to manipulate Kenshin and have him agree to let me sleep in his bed.

It sucks that he stuck to his dad's rules about me having to stay in that guest room no matter what, but I figured if I tried to appeal to him with using my tears, that Kenshin could bend the rules for me.

I guess Kenshin's no longer the bad boy type now that he's fallen in love with me.

I smirk to myself secretly and close my eyes, shaking my head. After class was over, it was time for lunch. I really wished I had my car right now; I would love to drive Kenshin and I someplace else. Hell, I'd even let the others tag along with us like we used to back then. Instead, Kenshin and I walk side by side to talk about the latest video games that's coming out soon and when we should go get them. As we enter the cafeteria, we see our friends in line waiting for food, and come join them.

"Say, Kenshin," Sanosuke crosses his arms across his chest leisurely, "Do you wanna come chill with me and Yahiko at his place today? He just scored some kush."

"Monday toke up." Yahiko smirks smugly to himself.

"Um," Kenshin grunts, looking towards the floor, "Sure, I guess. I mean. As long as we stay indoors."

"Uh, yeah? Where the fuck else would we go?" Sanosuke's eyebrow cocks upward, "Not like I like moving around when I'm blazed as shit."

"I'll say," Yahiko chuckles, stretching his arms behind his head meanwhile, "All I do is lie around and try to eat everything off the floor."

"We just can't be out in public much, that's all," Kenshin eyes me carefully, "On account of this guy's dickhead dad."

"Oh yeah.." Sano now looks at me, "I almost forgot about that."

Kenshin, be fucking for real right now. I'm not five.

"Alright, alright," I chuckle uneasily, "Clearly you all have to babysit me. I get it."

"It's not like that, man!" Yahiko pats me on the back in a friendly manner, "We're just looking out for you. I've got everything we need for a nice day together after school, and luckily it's not like I live too far from Kenshin or anything, so you don't need to stress. We can have dinner together if you want."

"Is your mom cooking tonight?" Sanosuke grins, "She makes the best udon and curry rice in Kyoto."

"She's making a fuck ton of ramen tonight!" Yahiko slams his fist into his other open palm happily, "It's going to be so cash!"

"I love it when a woman cooks good food." Kenshin sniggers to himself. I look at him.

"What?" I mutter in a deadpan tone. The guys all look at me in surprise now.

"U-uh," Kenshin straightens up with a forced smile now, "I mean, I like anyone who's a good cook! Yeah! Like, even my dad makes amazing karaage, you should try it someday!"

My eyes tighten at him. The last thing I ever want to hear from Kenshin's mouth is anything flirtatious towards the female sex. I know he's bisexual and all, but he should be focusing on me exclusively. I'm his boyfriend now.

"Maybe I will," I end that conversation with a sigh before I brighten up all over at the other guys, "So! I still have my cards, if you guys want to pick up snacks after school. Is there a convenient store nearby before we head on over to Yahiko's place?"

"Yes, Sugar Daddy!" Sanosuke replies in a higher tone of voice while Yahiko chuckles, "Buy us food!"

"Alright, alright, cool it," Kenshin's demeanor is slightly brooding as he eyes the other two, making them promptly shut up, "Soujiro's not our cash cow, and he needs to be careful with how much he's spending since he's no longer living with his dad."

I swear to God, Kenshin..

"It's fine. Really." I smile but I know I look just as threatening towards him right now, too. Kenshin catches on and promptly shuts up, looking away with a grunt.

"You think the old man would just lock up or freeze his accounts?" Sanosuke blinks at him.

"I doubt that," I scoff, "I threatened to out him of all his dirty little secrets, so he better not take my funds away! Besides, I like treating you guys. I like buying you things."

"Which we appreciate," Yahiko nods, "I wonder what the girls will be up to tonight."

"Don't invite them!" Sanosuke groans, "All they talk about is that stupid salon they want to open up after graduation!"

"I actually talked to Misao about that," I grab a tray of prepared food as the others behind me do the same, "I told her that maybe she should consider going to college with me."

"College? Her?" Sanosuke frowns while shaking his head, "Nah, she's really not the studious type. And besides, aren't you going to some rich fancy school after you're done with this place?"

"Not anymore," I sigh, "My dad grandfathered me in to the university he went to a long time ago, but there's now way that I'm going there now after everything that's happened. I want to create my own path, and choose my own school. And I'm going to help you all go to school as well."

"Soujiro.." Kenshin looks at me with a simper, "I've never seen this side of you before."

"Yeah, man," Yahiko nods, "It's a good look. You're no longer your dad's puppet."

"And we're right behind you every step of the way. As long as you don't leave us behind, of course." Sanosuke rubs his finger under his nose with a smirk.

"I'll never leave you guys behind," I brighten up considerably, "You guys are my very best friends. All of you. We got this."

The guys smile at me and seem a little bashful over my confession right now. It's the truth, though, and they needed to hear it from me. I won't let anything or anybody get in our way of a happy future once high school is over and once I get to see my father behind bars for his crimes. It's only a matter of time.

All I have to do.. is just be patient.

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"Hey, Soujiro, you got a minute?"

I just entered the library for study hall period when I got stopped by none other than my friend, Sayo Amakusa. She's looking good these days! Apparently, she got back together with her ex-boyfriend that she was crushed over during the formal winter dance we went to together, and he's been cleaning up his act nicely. I'm glad things are okay between them now. If there's one thing about me, is that I hate seeing guys treating girls like shit and getting away from it; if it were up to me, I would wield a magical wand and give all the nice girls an amazing boyfriend.

"Hey Sayo!" I chirp joyfully, "How are you?"

"I'm good!" She smiles, "I just wanted to see how you were doing. You seemed spacey today and I never heard from you over the weekend on Facebook, so I got a bit worried that something must've happened."

"Oh. Well, I.. I actually do have to tell you something," I look around, "The thing is, Sayo.. I'm living with Kenshin now. Please don't tell anyone."

"What?" She whispers with wide eyes, "What happened?"

"Well, you know how I'm gay? My dad doesn't like that. 'Nuff said."

"Oh, Soujiro," She shakes her head with concern in her eyes now, "Do you need anything at all? I'm sure Kenshin's a wonderful housemate, but just in case you ever need space from him or just want to have fun with me and the other girls, we're here for you."

"Gosh, you're hard on Kenshin!" I giggle, "But sure, I'd love to! Why don't we do something this weekend? I'm sure Kenshin won't mind."

"My folks will be out this weekend. I'm thinking of a get together with just me and the girls, and then we'll have a sleepover. You don't have to do the sleepover if you don't want to, but I am getting into tea and finger sandwiches these days, so I'm doing a whole ball theme party that's small and intimate."

"Oh, that sounds amazing, I'd love to join!" I sigh happily, "I don't mind sleeping over. I just need to check in with Kenshin, if that's okay."

"By all means! And Soujiro," She looks at me in determination, "Don't forget that you are surrounded by people who care about you. I'm sorry your dad is like that, but life goes on and you deserve to be happy."

I look at her, dumbfounded. Can I just say how awesome women are? I finally break out into a smile with tear stricken eyes, "Sayo.. You're amazing. I'm glad we're friends."

We share a friendly hug and she bids me adieu. Maybe this won't be such a bad thing. As much as I love living and spending time with Kenshin, it's always good to have separate friends and activities to keep things fresh between us. Back then, the physical distance we went through due to living in different households provided that healthy balance between us; the last thing I want to do is get on Kenshin's last nerves.

It should be okay.

I'll just have to ask him.

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It is now after school.

I meet up with Sanosuke and Yahiko with Kenshin next to me, and we head over to the parking lot to jump into Sanosuke's truck. Kenshin had to drive us both this morning with that car, so now it's going back to it's rightful owner. Sansouke drives us four over to a convenience store first (Where I happily purchased lots of snacks for our impending munchies!) before heading over to Yahiko's place, and we soon find ourselves in his bedroom. Yahiko is always such a cool guy in my eyes. He seems like a nice contrast to Sanosuke's otherwise brutish vibes and Kenshin's harsher personality. Yahiko brings out the bong that I brought him months ago when I tried buttering the gang up the first time I moved in here to start the process.

It took a while, but we were soon all as high as a kite. Yahiko has turned on his television set to watch YouTube videos about stupid shit that I don't really care about, so I decided to zone out on his bed. Sanosuke keeps laughing loudly over the video while Kenshin is sitting on the floor next to him, quiet as he usually is. I wonder what's going through his head right now. I know he likes to just chill out whenever he smokes weed, but it's still nice to know what goes on inside his head.

I'm so in love with him.

So why am I acting like such a testy bitch to him?

I wish he and I could kiss and not let that be gross or awkward to our friends right now. I wish for so many things right now, it's not even funny. Soon I see Yahiko receiving a text on his phone, and he gets up from the floor to excuse himself. I wonder who that was from. Maybe it's his girlfriend Tsubame. It better not be his parents or something; would be awkward being caught getting high so soon after I left my dad's nest.

"Since Yahiko's gone," Sanosuke fiddles with the remote control, "Let's see what this baby could do."

"What are you doing?" I can practically hear Kenshin's eyes rolling in the back of his head from where I lay.

"Relax, I just wanna see something!"

I have my eyes closed and relaxing meanwhile. It's quiet for a few moments, and then I hear some kind of weird music playing on the TV. It's almost cheesy in a way, like something from an old school record. My eyes are still closed but I can feel my eyebrows furrowing, perplexed now. Soon I hear a woman making incredibly strange sounds and my eyes flutter open in shock, peering over to the side to see something horrific on the screen.

Sanosuke decided to watch pornography on Yahiko's TV, since it can be connected to a web browser from his gaming console. I see a close up view of a top naked woman bouncing up and down in front of the camera, breathing heavily and moaning. I think we all know what exactly she's bouncing on top of. I immediately shut my eyes and turn my head over to the other side, feeling disgusted by what I just saw and the sounds I'm hearing right now. I am careful in staying quiet so that they don't realize how fussy I'm being right now, but I just don't like looking at things like that.

I guess I should know why, but seeing women's naked bodies really turns me off.

I don't even watch gay porn.

It's a horrible reminder of what I went through.

"This wasn't the video I saw five months ago!" Sanosuke groans in frustration.

"Dude, cut it out!" Kenshin gripes, "We're not here to watch dumb shit like this!"

Does Kenshin know how uncomfortable I'm feeling right now? Does he know I won't stand for this? He knows I don't like seeing women like that at all.

"Alright, alright, sheesh," The sounds are thankfully cut off now and I hear him fiddle around with the remote control again, "Let's see if I can find those live streams of that new video game that just came out."

"The one with that white haired dude, right?" Kenshin's voice is back down to a calmer level since Sanosuke complied with his wishes immediately instead of fighting with him.

"Yeah, that game better be good for what is worth." Sanosuke scoffs.

I straighten my head up and open my eyes, relieved. Thank god that's over. It's a good thing they're both too high to notice my obvious discomfort over that moment that happened just a minute ago. They both chatted together for a few moments before I hear someone standing up. I look up to see that it's Kenshin.

"Gotta piss." He sniffs, walking on over to the door to head out and find the nearby restroom.

Kenshin..

"Soujiro, my man!" Sanosuke sits on the bed near me now, "Where are those cookies you brought, I'm starving already!"

"Oh," I frown at him, "They're in that plastic bag on the floor. Hand me one, will you?"

"Sure thing," He grabs said plastic bag from the floor and fishes it out, "I love chocolate chip."

I giggle, "Me too."

You know, despite what he did a few moments ago, Sanosuke's really awesome and I'm glad he's in my life. He and I munch on the cookies while sitting together on the bed, watching the television as a live stream is showing. The game looks pretty good, though I'm unsure if I'm into the story line so far. Is this the kind of games that Kenshin's into? The hero of the game is seen walking through a dark forest, and the player is shown on the corner of the screen, making commentary on the game's features and the graphics.

It's a game about an assassin who lives in some fantasy Euro-Medieval universe and has to protect a princess, who is said to hide coveted magical powers that other people want to take away from her. I know I should know better, but in a way, it feels symbolic to what Kenshin and I have together. Is he my assassin and am I his princess that he must protect?

I'm no princess at all. I'm just a guy who wants to make people happy. But I seem to be doing a terrible job of it so far.

"I think I'll go get that game," Sanosuke nods his head as he swallows the last bit of the cookie in his hand, "The developers of that company knows how to create the best fight scenes for all their other shit."

"I can buy it for you if you want!" I pipe up happily, already in the mood to start my usual gift giving antics.

Sanosuke gapes at me for a while, and then starts to chuckle under his breath, "Nah, man. You're Kenshin's boyfriend now. You shouldn't be buying stuff for other guys."

"But.. We're friends. Aren't we?" I tilt my head at him.

He sighs, "Yeeeeaaah, but I mean.. I'll put it this way: If it were me, and you were my boyfriend, I'd be pissed if I found out you were out doing that kind of stuff for other guys behind my back. Even if you and him are just friends."

"Huh. That's," I chuckle with a confused frown, "A funny way of looking at it. It's not like I'm coming onto you."

He grimaces slightly, leaning away from me and smiles awkwardly, "Yeah, I know. I guess I just don't wanna fight with Kenshin if I can help it. We almost lost our friendship because of that whole saga with Kaoru. So it kind of goes without saying. But you can always ask him if it's okay, of course."

"Sano," I look down at my lap, feeling nervous all of a sudden, ".. Kenshin's not the jealous type. If anything, I think it's me who's the jealous type."

"Huh? You? Why?"

I look back at him uncomfortably, "Every time I hear Kaoru's name, it always feels like my stomach is about to fall out. I know it's me who Kenshin wants. I mean.. His actions so far proves it. But.."

Sanosuke is quiet, waiting for me.

".. I guess I'll always know I can never compete with Kaoru. And it's not like it's her fault that I feel like this. She didn't do anything except be exactly the type of person Kenshin should have ended up with. For one thing, she is a girl."

He frowns, "Yeah, but.. Why would that matter now? Kenshin's clearly happy with you."

I smile sadly, "It's good between us now, but.. What happens when he experiences his first harassment from other people when they see us holding hands down the street? We don't hold hands in public at all, despite all of you knowing of our relationship right now. He could wrap his arms around Kaoru and none of you would think much of it. I mean.. Would you and Yahiko not mind if you saw us kissing?"

He grunts, his cheeks flushing, "I-I mean. I. Um. It's just. Not something I like looking at in general. I don't look at couples kissing because it's just none of my business."

Oh, Sano. I can already tell you're uncomfortable with what I am talking about. This is exactly what I mean. It's one thing to say that you don't mind gay people or our relationships, but to actually witness it with your own eyes is something else entirely. How will the rest of the gang react if they ever walk in on me and Kenshin kissing, embracing, or holding hands together like other couples do?

Will they still accept us? Or will it disgust them?

"I see," I look back down on my lap, "Sorry. I don't mean to get into this."

I can feel Sanosuke's eyes burning a hole on the side of my head as I continue to gaze down on myself.

"Soujiro," His voice sounds surprisingly a lot softer than I am used to, "I completely accept you and Kenshin together. Really. I do."

I look back up at him, not buying it for some reason. Never the less, I smile mutely, "Thanks. Appreciate it."

He opens his mouth to say something more, but then closes it back, deciding against it. He looks to the side with a grunt, still uncomfortable with this conversation. I guess I shouldn't be that surprised, but the truth is, it still hurts. It hurts that he can never see Kenshin and I the way he sees other so called "normal" couples out there. But I guess this is something I have to get used to, especially since I no longer have my father to fall back on anymore.

I have to learn how to navigate this world as a homosexual man and how to deal with it.

That's really it.

"Where are those two?" Sanosuke whispers to himself as he turns away from me and stands up from the bed, "They've been gone forever.."

I look at his back blankly for a bit, realizing something: Sanosuke's a handsome guy. Why isn't he with Megumi already?

"Is there anything going on between you and Megumi?" I bravely ask, smiling secretly to myself at his back.

"What?!" He balks, swiftly turning around to face me from over his shoulder, "Where did that come from?!"

I start to laugh, "Oh, man! You should've seen the look on your face!"

"Come on, man!" He smacks his hand over his forehead and rubbing it down to cover his face, clearly blushing, "You're being weird!"

"You're being the weird one!" I gasp mockingly, still giggling, "I can see the chemistry between you two and you still wanna act like you don't know about it?"

His hand slides off his face, glaring at me. But then he smirks and chuckles shyly to himself, "There's no way that girl likes me."

"Oh? Care to place a wager on it?" I wink at him, making him gape at me dumbly, "Since you seem so.. how do you say.. reluctant in letting a pansy like me buy you that game.. if I win, I'll buy that for you and you have to accept it!"

One of his brow furrows and he smiles at me weirdly, "That's a strange bet. It's like I still win something even if I lose, doesn't it?"

"Not quite," I tuck some hair behind my ear, "You would then have to admit it to everyone that you got it from me. If our friends really do care about us, they wouldn't make it awkward. But I'm sure that would make you embarrassed, now wouldn't it?"

He turns to me completely, crossing his arms across his chest, "And if I win?"

I place a finger near my lip, pondering, "Hmm. Well, what would you like?"

"How about this. If I win.. Kenshin and I will go to the same school together. Whether or not you're there, it doesn't matter."

I stare at him, stunned. Why would he want that?

"Sano.. I don't understand. Are you thinking of not going to college, or something?"

He sighs, "Soujiro. There's no way in hell that I'll be able to go to college or university with you. I know your little speech today about helping us or whatever was sweet and inspiring. But this is the real world. And the real world has consequences. I wasn't exactly Einstein in school, and Kenshin's got the brains for sure, but he slacked off too much for things to turn around for him in time. I'm sure they might be able to let him to go to a safety school and transfer him out in a couple of years if he can prove himself capable. But right now, the cards are stacked against him. Against the two of us, actually."

"So what are you saying? That you want to go to a safety school with him even if he is able to go to one that I'm sure to go?"

He grunts, ".. Yes. I know you have high hopes for him. But I don't believe in miracles. If you lived the life I had or the rest of us have, you would understand. Money talks, and that's something none of us have compared to you."

I laugh, "I honestly can't believe what I'm hearing! Kenshin wants to go to a university with me."

He smiles softly, "Of course he does. He loves you."

At that moment before I open my mouth to say something, the door opens and Kenshin comes in, looking a bit.. different. Like he saw something he shouldn't have, or done something bad. Never the less, he walks in quietly and looks at the both of us curiously, noting the strange vibes in the air, "Uh.. What's up with you two?"

"It's nothing. I was waiting for your ass because I gotta take a shit," Sanosuke walks on and nearly bump shoulders with him, "Excusez-moi."

The door closes and Kenshin looks on, blinking. He turns back towards me and smiles, though it looks a little too tense for my liking. I tighten my eyes on him in suspicion.

"Where were you?" I ask him.

He sits down on the bed next to me, "Ah, I had to take care of business in the bathroom. Let's just say Sano's not the only one who has to go do number two."

I crinkle my nose, "Oh."

He chuckles, "Anyways. What were you two talking about just now? It felt weird when I walked in."

I lean towards him with lowered eyelids and my eyebrows lifting up mischievously, "I'm going to help Sano get together with Megumi."

He scoffs with a smile, "No way!"

I nod, "Mm-hmm! It's totally going to happen. It has to happen! I'm going to make it happen. Those two are meant to be."

He snickers to himself, "I'd love to see that happen. Megumi's a tough nut, though. It's going to take a lot of convincing for her to even go out on a date with him."

"I'm up for the challenge. Besides, girls trust me a lot since I'm their designated gay best friend."

"That's true, you do have that advantage," Kenshin smiles before pinching my cheek, "And you're cute as fuck to boot."

I slap his hand off of me, "Quit it! Your friends will come back."

"Still shy around them?" Kenshin leans in and tries to kiss me.

I place both of my hands against his chest to stop him, "Kenshin, no! We can't.. we.. can't.. do this.."

It's too late. We start to kiss and he has his arms wrapped around my mid section, while my arms are wrapped around his neck. We kiss for a little while before breaking apart, staring into each others' eyes. And at that moment, the door opens, and we both jump back and off of each other with a startle. It's Yahiko and he looks at us in confusion, scratching the back of his head, "Uh.."

"We weren't.. doing anything..!" I stammer, feeling my face glowing red.

But Kenshin starts laughing at my face, "Man, you look so red!"

"Stop it!" I yell at him, prompting him to laugh even harder.

"I didn't see anything!" Yahiko has his hands up, chuckling awkwardly, "I swear."

I scoff, "Look, just forget it. I want to watch a movie."

"Alright then," Yahiko shrugs and sits down on the floor in front of the bed to mess around with his remote control, "What are we in the mood for?"

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Dinner with Yahiko's parents went well. The ramen soup that his mother made was simply divine. I have had ramen at upscale restaurants before, but for some reason, having it made by a woman who clearly pours all of her love into it makes it taste so much better. I asked her if there's a recipe she goes by for her to make the soup taste that good, and she was gracious enough to send me a link to it through my phone. Kenshin seems to perk right up from that, thinking I should make him some sometime.

"Maybe you should be my little housewife while I work outside of the home," Kenshin teases me once we're both sitting in the metro bus to go back home from Yahiko's, "I'll take care of you."

I scoff, "Please. I'd rather die than be some domestic slave."

"Even if it's for me?" He pouts in jest.

"Especially if it's for you." I roll my eyes, crossing my arms over my chest defiantly.

"Ouch," He chuckles, "Duly noted."

I sigh. At a moment like this, I would like nothing more than to snuggle up next to him and catch some minutes of rest on his shoulder before we have to get off and walk back to his place. But we know better than to even think about it; there's way too many people in here and God only knows how homophobic they might be.

"Besides," I look at him, sneakily stroking his fingers with my own lovingly, "To be a housewife, I have to be a girl. Instant failure on that part."

He sighs, "Who cares if you're not a girl? All I want to do is spoil you like you've done for me these past few months.."

I soften inwardly at that, smiling at him, "But I love spoiling you, Kenshin."

We make sure to keep our voices down. Never the less, the look in our eyes doesn't betray the fact that we are in love with each other.

"Then.. Is there something else I can do if you don't want to be my little housewife?" Kenshin winks at me, his smile absolutely destroying me on the inside over how handsome he looks right now. I'm the luckiest guy on Earth, I swear.

"Hmm," I lean my head back to look up towards the ceiling of the bus to think about it, ".. Since I want to become a veterinarian.. Why don't you become a veterinarian technician for me?"

"Huh? A vet tech?" Kenshin blinks at me as soon as I look back at him, "Are you sure about that?"

"What's that supposed to mean?" I tease him, poking his side, "What's wrong? Scared you won't like it or won't make it in the field?"

He sighs, "I don't know. I guess a part of me is insecure about my grade point average. I don't think it's possible to go to a really good school along with you."

I refuse to let Sanosuke take Kenshin away from me. If Sano wants to go to college, he can either go with the both of us or go somewhere else entirely without Kenshin by his side. It's not because I don't want them to remain friends after we graduate from high school; it's because I want to always be with Kenshin no matter what happens. We have a serious fucking relationship, one that has a real future.

Why would I want to give that up?

I have to make Megumi go out with Sanosuke!

"Kenshin," I place my hand on top of his now, "Don't worry. No matter what, we will go to a school together. Even if you can't make it to the schools I'd be eligible for entry, I'll just go to the ones that you got in instead."

"What?" He whispers with offense in his eyes, "Soujiro, be for real! I'm not going to let you do that to yourself! If you got into a really awesome university, you should just fucking do it, even if we can't go together! We can always live together in an apartment somewhere so that we can still see each other!"

"That's not good enough for me, though!" My voice is a little louder now, prompting a couple of heads to turn around in curiosity, "Why would I agree to something like that? We have got to go to the same school together or else this would have all been a waste of my time making you study with me!"

"Will you keep your voice down?" He hisses at me to shush me, "People are watching you!"

I mutter through my teeth now, "What's wrong? Does that bother you? Huh?"

He looks at me, baffled by my sudden aggression, "What is with you today?"

I glare at him openly for a few beats, before I whisper: "Tell me what happened at Yahiko's place."

He rolls his eyes, "Oh my God. Don't start."

I grab him by the forearm and he looks at me in shock, "Something happened and you're not telling me. Why?"

"Because nothing happened!"

"Liar." My voice breaks, suddenly feeling sick to my stomach.

Is he hiding something from me?

"Soujiro.. Come on," He takes his other hand to place it on my thigh to comfort me, "Let's not fight. Not here. Let's just calm down."

I gulp dryly, feeling like I just swallowed a brick. He is hiding something from me. What could it be? They say that if you can feel it in your stomach, then it has to be true. I know I'm not being paranoid for no reason; I know Kenshin like the back of my hand now. We are so close to each other that it's hard to miss these tiny signals that's coming from him. Regardless, I nod to agree and stop the argument, and we rode the bus on in silence, fighting this awful feeling inside of me meanwhile.

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We reach Kenshin's home at long last. Our short walk together felt tense with silence, but as soon as we walk through the front door of his house, Kenshin starts calling out for his dad to announce our arrival. We don't hear anything as we stood in front of the door behind us. Kenshin walks on and starts turning on the lights in the living room, finding that we are the only ones home.

"Dad?" He calls out one more time, before huffing in annoyance and starts fiddling with his phone, "Where is he?"

I take a seat on the couch, checking the time on my wrist watch, "He should be home by now, right? Doesn't your dad get off work at 5:00 PM like everyone else?"

"Well, yeah," Kenshin frowns at his phone, "He always does. But I guess he's somewhere else tonight."

I watch him as he walks into the kitchen area to turn on more lights, and that's when I hear him mumble something under his breath along with the sound of a piece of paper being taken off of something. Silence. Then Kenshin comes walking back with a note in his hand and waves it slightly, "Found the culprit. Dad's out and won't be back until tomorrow morning."

My eyes widen in surprise, "Whoa. I wonder what's going on."

"I doubt it's anything serious, I mean," Kenshin re-reads the letter in his hand, "It's not like I gave him anything to sniff and go play fetch for any evidence against your dad or something. It says here that he's staying with a friend and to not wait up for him."

"Ooooh!" I coo with a coquettish smile, "Sounds like he found someone!"

He scoffs, "What, no way!"

I giggle, "What's wrong with that? Don't you want your dad to see other people? How long has it been since he's been in a relationship? Or gotten married, for that matter?"

He shrugs, "I don't know. He was always with my mom and I, and he never dated while we stayed together. Which was weird, I guess, but whatever."

I look at him, putting the pieces together inside my head, ".. Kenshin.. You don't think.. Your mom and your stepdad Hiko were..?"

He balks at me, "What?! Why would you even think that?!"

I shrink back, "Whoa! I didn't say anything bad!"

"There's no way they were ever together! Mom never did anything with him. I don't remember them kissing or going out on dates or anything like that! Hiko was there for us because he knew what my real dad was capable of and he was a really old friend of my mom's!"

"Oh, Kenshin, come on now," I stand up from the couch to walk on over to him, "Surely you don't believe any of that? Hiko did all of that not just because he was an old friend of your mom's, but because he was probably in love with her. I'm sorry but even I wouldn't do such a thing with a best friend unless I was crazy in love with him."

"Hiko isn't like that," He grunts, clearly on edge with how this conversation is unraveling, "He just.. really cared about mom. A lot. My mom was so volatile and full of shit, so of course no other man would have wanted to deal with her. Especially since she was a single mom to a scary looking child."

I look on at him with concern and pity, "But Kenshin, you're not scary looking.."

"Yes I am. Look at my fucking hair, for fuck's sake."

"You mean the hair I'm so in love with?" I move closer towards him until I am near enough to start playing with his long ponytail, letting it drape over his shoulder and chest now with my hand, "This red hair? I love it. Don't ever put yourself down in front of me like that again. Didn't I tell you that you're not inferior to me or to anyone else?"

He is now blushing like crazy, evading my eyes all the while. He doesn't respond, and I can see his hand nearly crushing the top part of his dad's letter from his side now.

"Why don't I," I slowly embrace my arms around his neck, "Show you how attractive you are to me?"

He sighs, ".. Soujiro. No. I'm tired. I don't feel like it."

...

What?

Did he just..

Did Kenshin just rejected me?

I stare at him dead on in the eye, almost not believing what he just said to me.

"What did you just say?" I whisper, my arms unclasping slowly from him.

He rubs his eye in exhaustion, "I'm sorry. I just feel weird after smoking all that weed today. Do you mind if we just cuddle tonight? I just want to take it easy for now."

My arms are back on my sides, exhaling in disbelief. This is the first time Kenshin refused me to my face like this. This isn't like him. Is it because I'm being too much with him? I mean.. I wasn't exactly super nice to him ever since the rage room incidence, and I have to wonder if his passion towards me cooled off since then. Or was it because I was acting like a clingy horn dog ever since I moved in here? Was it because of our fight over our futures and where we should go to school together? What could it possibly be?

...

"You never told me what happened at Yahiko's.." I whisper, noting the way Kenshin's eyes flinch open for a split second before flickering over to the side. So that's it. Something did happened.

".. I overheard Yahiko on the phone.. with.. y'know.."

"No, I don't," I put my hands on my hips, snarling the next word, "Who?"

He scoffs quietly, already knowing that he's about to enter yet another fight with me. But if he doesn't tell me now, it will only get worse. He finally mutters angrily, "With Kaoru, alright? He was talking to Kaoru. Apparently she's dating someone new and is happy with him. There. Are you happy? Are you going to smack me in the face now?"

"Why would I want to smack you in the face?!" I damn near yell at him, making him flinch back with a wince, "And why would Kaoru dating someone else bother you so much? You broke up with her! You're with me now!"

He turns around with an annoyed groan, "God, seriously, Soujiro, enough! I just want to relax and already you're on my ass over the same fucking girl again!"

"So what is it, then? Huh? Is it guilt? Is that what it is? Do you feel guilty for cheating on her?" I confront him heatedly, following him as he starts to walk away from me and towards the stairs, "I am honestly so sorry that you hurt a sweet girl like her, but can't you see things from my perspective? I was with you first! We had sex together first and we were technically a couple first before you went off on me and went with her!"

He keeps walking up the stairs, ignoring me, determined to get away from me. But I follow him relentlessly.

"Where are you going! Do you want to talk to her? Is that what it is?" I can feel my anger boiling over, "If that's what it takes to make you feel better, then go right ahead! I just want you to move on from her already!"

He whips back around as soon as we are in the upstairs hallway, "If you had a lifelong friend who cared about you and would do anything for you, you would understand how this feels. But nobody gives a flying fuck about you except when it's time to have sex with you, so what do you know about friendship?! Besides, you probably fucked all of your friends!"

I lift my hand to slap him across the face, when he quickly grabs my wrist in time, glaring at me head on.

"Soujiro," He mutters under his breath threateningly, "You better calm down, or else."

"Or else what?" I growl.

"Or else I'm leaving you."

Silence.

...

Leave me?

A soft sound erupts from under my breath, my eyes spiked with hot tears. This is the part usually when Kenshin starts to soften and starts to apologize to me over and over again, and try to fix what it was that made me cry in the first place. But right now, he keeps his stony glare on me, his grip on my wrist heartless in it's tightness. What is happening? How did Kenshin acted so in love with me not even a day ago, and is now talking about breaking up with me? Was it all thanks to that phone call he overheard today at Yahiko's place?

Was that all it took?

Just learning that Kaoru has moved on with her life with a new partner?

...

Of course.

Of course it is.

I never stood a chance against her.

I never could have competed against her.

I never have what it takes to have Kenshin all to myself.

I never won.

He finally loosen his grip on my wrist and my eyes fall to my shoes, floored by what's happening. He just stands there for a while, watching me. Since I can't see his face, I can only guess what he's thinking. Is he enraged with me? Having second thoughts about us after all? Does he already regret dangling those words in front of me? The air is thick with tension as I keep my eyes glued on our shoes. He's wearing intimidating black boots, while I'm wearing some fresh new sneakers. All this time, Kenshin still wears clothing that makes him look like an outright gang banger who's into punk rock music, while I still look like the choirboy who does everything everyone else tells him to do.

We really are that different from each other.

Kenshin finally sighs, "I'm.. gonna go to my room and play some video games. You can join me after you've calm down."

I don't reply. He grunts with hesitation before I see his arms lifting up slowly, hearing him call out my name softly before trying to embrace me. But I simply take a step back to evade his hug, moving on over to his side to walk on ahead of him to go back into my room, where I simply lock the door behind me.

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Is it over between us?

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I am whimpering into my pillow as I weep, clinging onto the blankets below me in agony. I don't understand what's happening between us! Was it a bad idea to move in together like this? It was a plan that had doom written all over since it started under a negative pretense; it would have gone much better if we had move in together after high school, when our relationship had progressed and matured a little bit more. It's still below half a year since I first saw him face to face, after all. I know I saw his pictures for like a year before I moved into Kyoto, but that doesn't mean I should have moved in with him so soon.

Have we jumped the gun too soon with this? Are we too impulsive?

I continue to cry onto my bed, feeling my heart breaking. This is why I was so hesitant to being Kenshin's boyfriend in the first place. I knew something like this would happen! I wanted to take things very slow between us because I did not wanted to lose him! If he had done exactly what I wanted since day one, none of this would have happened! I would have gone on to take over my father's company and kept seeing Kenshin on the side all I wanted. Hell, maybe I could have had an entire relationship on the down low with him and married Kenshin in another country in secrecy, if he would have stopped and listened to me!

Kenshin wouldn't have lost his friends the way he did. He's lucky they decided to forgive him after he's done something so despicable against Kaoru. He wouldn't have had his ass handed to him by Makoto Shishio. He couldn't have had his nose broken and suffered so much like that. I wouldn't have had my father nearly beat me to death because of all of this!

I hiccup and continue to whimper pathetically into my pillow as it becomes more moistened by my tears.

Maybe it's selfish. Maybe I am being too selfish. I don't know. Maybe it's selfish of me to want to go down that route instead of going about with everything like this. I did not wanted to make Kenshin feel unloved just because I wanted to keep things on the down low. But we really could have had it all if he was willing to follow my instructions from the very beginning. I could have been filthy rich and would pay anything to keep Kenshin in my life. I would have made his life easy, and all he had to pay me back was through his silence. But no. He doesn't like lying or living a lie. He's a truth seeker and a truth teller and I fucking hate that so much about him!

I hate it!

I fucking hate it so much!

I fucking hate.. I hate..

...

No. I don't hate him. I can't hate him.

I love him..

...

I need to talk to someone.

But who?

Suddenly, an image pops into my head. A young girl with dark hair that glints with a green sheen, dark eyes, and a fair completion, who nearly dresses like a Lolita doll for fun. A young girl who is going through the exact same thing as I do, more or less. A young girl who had tried to warn me something in my ear, but I chose to ignore her instead. A girl who probably would know what to do right now.

Asahi Kubota.

I sniff and wipe my tears with my sleeve, grabbing my smartphone from my pocket. It's nearly 9:00 PM right now. Would it be okay to text her? Maybe I could call her. Or would that be too rude? They always say to never call a lady after a certain time in the evening. I was raised to be a gentleman, after all. I gulp, looking through my call logs, and finding one on the day I was in the hotel with Kenshin. I press the number before placing the phone in my ear to hear it ring.

It rings a few times, and then I hear someone picking up: "Hello?"

I sniffle, feeling suddenly very awkward, "Um.. Hi.. Asahi. It's me. Soujiro."

Silence.

"Yes, what do you want?" Her voice is gentle, but there is a hint of annoyance in there. Whoops. Maybe I'm interrupting something important.

"Ah," I blush, "I'm sorry. I don't mean to call you like this in the middle of the evening. I just.. I just needed.. to talk to someone right now.."

More silence. She sighs, "Is something the matter?"

I stare at my door emptily. That door should be opened by now. He should be right there, with concern written all over his face, before rushing on over to wipe these tears away. He should be here right now. Holding me. Telling me he's sorry. Telling me that he takes all of those words back and that he doesn't mean any of it. Instead, I am sitting here, all alone, on the phone with the girl I was told that I should be married to someday.

".. Hello?" Her voice is now more gentle than before once she can hear me start to cry again, "Soujiro? Are you okay?"

I exhale gravely, "No.. No I'm not..!"

"Oh my," She clicks her tongue, "You sound very sad. Did something happen? Is this about your boyfriend, Kenshin?"

".. He just.. told me that if I don't calm down, that he's going to break up with me. He even rejected me for sex tonight. He's never rejected sex from me!"

"Hmm. Something must've happened for him to suddenly switch up on you like this."

"Yeah. Something did happened. He learned that his ex-girlfriend moved on with another guy, and now he's acting standoffish with me."

I hear her chuckle airily, "Ah. I kind of knew this would happen, but I didn't wanted to be callous or cruel enough to tell you from the get go. Guys like that are never serious with the relationships we go through, Soujiro. I had a feeling he would pull something like this. I guess you're learning this lesson the hard way."

"But.. I thought he loved me."

If she was here right now, she'd probably look at me with pity in her eyes.

"I'm sure he did felt something towards you. I mean, he seemed quite interested in you if he fought to be your boyfriend despite all the cards against him. Your dad is no joke in this country, after all, yet this Kenshin fellow persisted anyway. I'd have to give him where credit is due."

"Asahi," I feel myself growing cold with a terrible realization, "You don't suppose.. he's having second thoughts about us. Does he?"

"Honestly, Soujiro," She sighs somberly, "You and Kenshin are a little too young to be tied down together like this. I understand that he probably fell for you because you're different than anyone he's been with. But you're his first gay relationship. I'm a sucker for love stories where couples thrive even under the worst of circumstances, but I know how rare that is in the real world. Kenshin's a young guy at the prime of his life, just like you are. Only difference is, he sounds like someone who's more into women than with men. I think he'll always miss what he used to have in his life, and how easy it was when he was with women before. Does that make sense?"

I bite my lower lip to bite down the sob trying to crawl from out of my throat. My heart continues to shatter through all those words Asahi utters from her lips, even if she is telling me the harsh truth.

"I thought he loved me.."

"He loved the feelings you gave him. He loved the sex you gave him. He loved the novelty you provided for him. But ultimately, you're not it for him. Otherwise, he would have forgotten his ex-girlfriend by now. The fact that he's so troubled by the news today kind of points to the fact that maybe this relationship is not worth the struggle for the both of you anymore."

I couldn't help but bite down yet another sob, my heart ripped apart through the seams. It's quiet for a few moments as she hears me nearly struggling to keep my crying silent or how I'm chocking for air. If nothing else, then I surely gave her a reason to hate my boyfriend with every fiber of her being now.

"I can't believe.. I even moved in here with him.." I gulp, "I regret doing this so much already. But I have nowhere else to go. I can't possibly go back to Father now."

It is quiet again, except for my soft crying into the phone with her. She listens to me without saying anything, though this silence feels comforting instead of threatening. Like she's hearing me cry without any judgement inside her heart.

"Well," She hums as she thinks about this, "I could perhaps ask my mom if we can have you stay over with us. At least for just a little while. We have plenty of room here, after all. I live a little away from Kyoto, though, so I'm not sure how you'll deal with having to find a way to get to school like this."

"I could take my lessons through their online program," I nod, sniffling, "It's a way for students to keep up in cases of emergency. I could even feign illness tomorrow and use it as an opportunity to grab my stuff and go back to your place."

"Hmm. Well, alright then. I'll ask mother tonight. If anything, this might be exciting for her, getting to meet the supposed future groom for her failure of a daughter."

"Asahi.." I breathe, "You're not a failure.."

"Yes I am. I am a homosexual. I'm sure you know how that feels like, pertaining to your own father and all."

Oh. There it is. That moment of my heart breaking one more time. But not for over Kenshin; but for my father. The man who wanted so badly to see his only son becoming straight and successful in life. I feel so lucky to have met Asahi, though. She understands this type of pain better than anyone else. Better than the friends I've made in other countries, better than when I befriended Okita, better than when I befriended the people here in Kyoto.

Even better than Kenshin.

"I'll do it. I'll.. I'll stay with you for a while," I sniff with a smile at long last, "Thank you."

I can hear her smile on the other line.

"Of course. Talk soon and keep me updated."

"Alright. Night, Asahi."

"Goodnight."

I hang up, and I look at the door.

It's still closed shut.

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Just like my heart is right now.


(To be continued..)