A/N: Trigger warning for mentions of suicide and self-harm.


Yuri Coulson, age 60
District 12 Mentor and Victor of the 2nd Hunger Games


One month before the Reapings of the 44th Games

"That doesn't make sense," Natsuki says loudly as mandatory viewing ends and Monika's screen shuts off. "Why would she kill herself? She always seemed so cheerful."

"N-natsuki, please show some respect," I murmur, resting elbows on my thighs and burying my face in my hands. Terrible thoughts and images of Sayori's hanging corpse flash and race through my head as I replay what the newscaster said in my mind: Sayori Mizushima, my young, silly, happy friend, has committed suicide. I'm still in a daze, refusing to believe what my eyes and ears showed me, as Natsuki gives a sharp retort. I cringe a little at her loudness, but I realize that this yelling is probably the latest Victor's way of coping with horrors.

"It's real, Natsuki," Monika says, her voice strained. "The Capitol wouldn't lie about something like this. Sayori's dead and she won't come back." I look up to see the Literature Club President yelling as she buries her head in her hands. "I don't get why, though!"

"That's what I was saying!" Natsuki yells, tears forming in her eyes. "She seemed to be doing okay. She had us, and she had P.C.-" Natsuki suddenly stops. "It wasn't P.C., wasn't it?"

"What do you mean?" Monika asks.

"Ugh, this is awful, but why do I have the sneaking suspicion that it wasn't a suicide at all?" Natsuki asks, frowning.

"P.C. wouldn't murder his friend and frame it as a suicide," I blurt out, unable to keep my racing thoughts inside of me any longer. My eyes widen in shame as I look down. "I-I'm sorry! I don't know where that idea came from, you guys know that I have all sorts of weird thoughts, oh man please don't think I don't care about Sayori because I do."

"Your thoughts aren't weird, Yuri," Monika says reassuringly. "I think that's what Natsuki was about to say anyways."

"Exactly," Natsuki says loudly. "I really, really, really hope it's not P.C., but the fact that he discovered Sayori's body, isn't here right now, and joined the club just a few days before Sayori killed herself seems awfully suspicious to me." She crosses her arms. "Ugh, I knew that bringing a boy into the club was a bad idea."

"I didn't mean to suggest that P.C. killed Sayori!" I say quickly, my gaze darting between Natsuki and Monika. "I meant to say the opposite, in fact… ugh, this is what happens when you're like me and you say the wrong things when you speak before thinking…"

"Why are you defending P.C., Yuri?" Natsuki asks. "You barely know him." Her eyes widen. "N-not that I'm accusing him of killing Sayori! Oh man, why did I have to drag P.C. into this?"

"Maybe you guys have a point in that someone murdered Sayori and framed it as suicide," Monika says thoughtfully, "but I honestly don't think it was P.C. He's too nice…"

"We don't know anything," I murmur, looking down in despair. "Maybe there's more to…" I trail off as I collect my thoughts.

"More to?" Natsuki asks.

"Hold on, I'm thinking," I say, closing my eyes, but that brings back nasty images so I open them again. "Maybe there's more to P.C. than we know, and more to Sayori too. Maybe P.C. isn't as nice as we think, and maybe…" I take a deep breath. "Maybe Sayori isn't - wasn't - as cheerful on the inside as we think either. But I still don't think she'd go as far as suicide…" I shake my head. "I really don't want to assume the worst in P.C."

"Yeah, me neither," Natsuki mutters, slumping down on the couch. "He may have added some unnecessary testosterone to the club, but he doesn't strike me as the type to just murder a Victor his age from his District and frame it as suicide."

"Maybe it really was suicide," I say sadly, "and if that is the case I wish I was there for Sayori when I could've been. Oh, what if it was something I said that sounded innocent at the time but actually pushed her over the edge?"

"I'm sure you're overthinking things, Yuri," Monika says comfortingly, placing a hand on my shoulder. I glance at the Two Victor's sad but reassuring eyes and sigh.

"Maybe I'm overthinking everything," I murmur, placing a hand on my head. "Why is it that after my friend died the first thing I thought about was that maybe her friend murdered her?" I shake my head. "I should be grieving over Sayori's death, not jumping to pin the blame on someone. What's wrong with me?"

"Hey, maybe we all need a break," Monika says with a sad smile. She turns to Natsuki, and then to me before continuing, "They're going to investigate Sayori's death, right? They have to, 'cause Sayori is - er, was - a Victor. So maybe we should all go home, rest, and keep an eye out on the news." She sighs. "Too bad this is the last meeting of the month… Yuri, Natsuki, do you want me to walk you home?"

"I'll be fine," Natsuki says loudly, standing up. "I'm definitely really shaken up by this, but maybe I just need some time to process everything."

"Yuri?" Monika asks gently, noticing that I haven't responded to her offer.

"Oh, sorry, I must've spaced out again," I say hastily as I stand up as well. "I'll be okay walking home on my own. I think we all need some time to be alone with our thoughts."

"You sure you'll be fine?" Natsuki asks, looking at me skeptically.

"I-" I start, wanting to say more. But I take a deep breath.

"Don't worry about me," I say with a small smile. "But take care of yourself, Natsuki. You too, Monika."

"Will do," Monika says, standing up and smiling back. Natsuki nods as Monika sees us to the door.

I hurry home as fast as I can, trying to focus on my movements and not on the millions of thoughts racing through my head. The truth is, I didn't want to be alone with my thoughts, even though I'm used to it by this point. But Natsuki and Monika are clearly struggling too, so it would be wrong of me to share my burdens with them.

I try not to think too much, or too negatively. Unfortunately, I have no such luck, and the closer I get to home the more thoughts crowd my head. By the time I lock my apartment door behind me, I'm breathing heavily, and not just from my movements.

It has to be your fault, Yuri, I think, not paying attention to what I'm doing as I make my way to the display case that stores my collection of artisan knives. You're the only one she knows who thinks too much and says the worst things.

I open the case and grab the first knife I see, a blue pocket knife. My mind is still racing and I still feel a little dizzy as I roll up my sweater sleeve.

I almost don't see, or at least don't care about, the cuts on my arm I've given myself over the years. But an image of a smiling Sayori flashes through my head, and all of a sudden I see them, some of them fresher than others.

I gave myself a cut just two days ago…

I blink back tears as I take deep breaths, forcing my racing heart to calm down. I stow the pocket knife where I took it from and sigh, stepping back from the display case and giving a pained smile.

I thought I'd be able to stop cutting myself once I joined the Literature Club. I thought the Literature Club could be a good distraction from everything - my feelings of self-hatred and my self-harm - but the club, despite its wonderful members and activities, didn't stop me from cutting myself.

You need to talk about it, I think, but I just laugh out loud. Me, talk about my problems? I'm supposed to be the wise old Victor who is content keeping to herself.

At least the memory of Sayori was enough to stop me from hurting myself, if only for today. Tomorrow may be a whole new beast, but I can think about that later.

I decide to take a shower.


A/N: So there you have it, the fourth prologue of this story. What did you think of Yuri, and now that the Literature Club have discussed Sayori's death do you think it was a suicide or something else? Please let me know what you think of this chapter!

Next up we have the fifth prologue, which is also our first brand-new content for the rewrite.

Thanks for reading, and may the odds be ever in your favor!