"Gamer...4... in," typed out the young man before his computer, heedless to the knocking at his door. "Welcome to... episode... 42069... of Yet... Another... Multi-"

BANG!

His door was suddenly blasted off of its hinges by a column of fire, and Mario Mario appeared in the doorway, marching in and grabbing Gamer4 by the collar of his t-shirt. Gamer4's only response was to gulp.

"I'm not happy, Gamer," Mario growled. "Not. Happy. Ask me why."

"Er... wh-"

"BECAUSE YOU ABANDONED MY STORY FOR FIVE YEARS, WHY THE HELL DO YOU THINK I'M NOT HAPPY?!"

"Er... sor-"

"I'D HOPE YOU WERE SORRY, AFTER LEAVING US ON THAT CLIFFHANGER FOR HALF A DECADE, WHILE YOU WENT OFF TO WRITE FOR A FANDOM YOU DON'T EVEN LIKE ANYMORE! WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?!"

"Er... Georgie told me to lay off because he doesn't like the fourth-wall breaks-"

"IF GEORGE KYST TOLD YOU TO GO JUMP IN A LAKE WITH A ROCK TIED TO YOUR HEAD AND NOT COME OUT UNTIL HE DEVELOPED NUDE PHOTOS OF YOU SO HE COULD HAND THEM OUT TO EVERYONE IN THE MULTIVERSE, WOULD YOU?!"

Mario's anger seemed to subside somewhat when Gamer4's gaze dropped to the ground. "I mean... I had socks on..."

Mario dropped him back into his chair and pointed to the computer in front of them. "New chapter. Now. Keep going. Finish what you started, you inarticulate lump."

"Okay, I'll-"

"Also, I'm taking your cat hostage to make sure you stay on task this time."

"Nia, NOOOOOOOO!" Crazy cried, but Mario had already stepped out the door, the white-and-grey patched feline rubbing eagerly into his naturally warm body.

Gamer4 wiped a solitary tear from his eye. "Don't worry, Nia, I'll get you back..."

He turned back to the computer, took a deep breath, and opened a new file. "Right... let's see... where were we, back then? We were at..."

Disclaimer: Because the players tried to take the field- the marching band refused to yield! Do you recall what was revealed, the day the music died?

Chapter XXII

Mercy Hospital

Time seemed to slow to an unbearable crawl as Mario rushed down into the Nintendo hub, out Rosalina's portrait, and down the steps towards the entrance to the Master Hand's office, Samus leading briskly ahead. Indeed, the trip seemed to encompass a span of years in his mind- or perhaps something else was prompting him to think such. Every second was spent in worry for Rusl Faron, still lying on that dark stone, blood pouring from vast wounds...

Gamer4, I swear, if you finally bring us back from a five-year hiatus just to kill Link's dad, I will smite down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger...

He had a suspicion, though, that he'd have to get into line behind Link, who was close on his heels, face currently white with fear.

Sandwiched between two blonds, they stopped for no one- even when Louise, Mido's accursed cat, attempted to impede their progress, Samus scared her off with a quick draw of her blaster.

After those painful years that may well have only been minutes, they were finally standing in front of the grand mural that marked the entrance to the Master Hand's office- a single platform floating in space amongst countless shifting colors. "What's the greatest snack in-" the traditional disembodied voice started, but this time, Samus cut it off.

"Narcipear jelly!" she barked, and the wall quickly slid away, revealing the steps up to the Hand's door.

Samus had only taken the first step before Mario backwards-long jumped up every single one of them and began pounding furiously on the polished wood. Only the back of his mind noticed the flurry of voices on the other side that immediately fell silent at his barrage.

"Enter," came the Master Hand's voice, and the door swung open all on its own.

Mario was baffled when he entered the office, seeing nobody there for the Master Hand to talk to- for about three seconds before he turned his full attention to the Hand himself.

"Ah, Samus," the Master Hand greeted. "And Mario? This is a late time to be-"

"No greetings!" Mario interrupted. "It took us five years to get up here, we've waited long enough! Master, Rusl's in danger!"

"Rusl?" the Master Hand seemed to blink. "Rusl Faron?"

"I believe he said he saw it in a nightmare," Samus provided about all she knew.

"It wasn't a nightmare!" Mario pressed as Link finally managed to make it up the stairs after them, panting, wishing he'd invested some more time into his stamina meter. "Look, I was asleep, but this wasn't a dream!"

"I suppose you mean to distinguish this from a normal dream- the mere sorting and cataloguing of the day's events by the subconscious?" the Master Hand provided.

"Yes, thanks, Major Briggs," Mario found himself straight-manning- then slapped himself. There was no time for straight-manning right now! "I was having a dream at first, but then, it changed!" His brow furrowed. "I'm sorry, am I boring you?!" The Master Hand wasn't looking at him. It may seem strange that he knew this, as, in his hand form, he didn't exactly have eyes, but Mario had spent enough time in the Hand's company to know what he was looking at and what he wasn't, and right now, he was looking at his desk, quite complacent for someone hearing that a man was in mortal danger.

"Not at all," the Master Hand assured him in a very not-reassuring way. "Please, continue."

Mario almost wanted to press the issue... but no, not with Rusl's life in the balance. "It was that koopa- that skeleton koopa that Tabuu has!"

"A dry bones?" Samus asked sharply.

"That's it!" Mario nodded fiercely. "It was going down a hallway, and Rusl was at the end- under an invisibility blanket! He was asleep- it slipped off- he woke up- it attacked!"

"Dry bones- but aren't those things poisonous?" Link paled.

The Master Hand seemed to have something else on his mind. "How, exactly, did you see this?"

Mario almost threw his hands up in the air out of frustration. "Does it matter? Ask Ness, he's the one with the psychic powers!"

"My fault, my fault," the Master Hand waved himself placatingly. "I was unclear. What I meant to ask was, through what perspective did you witness this? Looking down from above? Standing next to Rusl?"

Mario's jaw dropped. Did he... did he already know? "I... I was the dry bones... I was looking through its eyes."

Upon hearing this, Link's jaw dropped as well. Samus's eyes widened by a millimeter or so, which was virtually the same thing for her. And the Master Hand...

The Master Hand didn't seem at all surprised. He turned his gaze towards Link, even as he asked Mario his next question- "How severe were his injuries?"

"Lethal!" Mario practically screamed. "Poison! Fangs! Blood! What do you want me to say?!"

The Master Hand nodded, then said, "I assume you've all been listening?"

Mario jumped as all the pictures of the mansion's previous headmasters came to life, nodding grimmly. Oh, right, that's a thing. Guess that's who he was talking to before.

"Nia, the man is blond- wraparound beard and moustache," the Master Hand instructed.

"Got it," nodded a young woman with prominent cat ears atop her head, and a thick welsh accent. "Here ah go, ready or gormotti!" She turned and left via the right side of her frame, but did not reappear in the next painting over.

The Master Hand then turned to a painting of a man who was almost entirely concealed beneath a vast cloak, fastened by a small orb with a spinning star in it. The only part of his body visible were a pair of pinprick yellow eyes and a quite impressive moustache. "Merlon, you know what to do."

"But of course," the man bowed his head before performing the same disappearing act.

"Uh... wha?" Link raised an eyebrow.

"One does not simply become headmaster of the Smash Bros. without having some other feats to your name. Nia and Merlon happen to have other paintings in prominent institutions, between which they can move at their will."

Mario's brow twitched. Sure, you'll answer his questions- no, no, it doesn't matter, Rusl's finally getting help! Another thought occurred. "But Master, what if-"

The Master Hand was moving to his beloved pet, Wright the Ho-oh. "Keep watch," he whispered. Wright nodded, then disappeared in a burst of flame.

"Um, Master?" Mario attempted to interject again. "How will they-"

"Berkut!" the Master Hand turned next to a dark-haired man in a full set of armor, slumped over in his seat, very obviously feigning sleep. "Berkut!"

"Berkut, wake up!" piped up several other headmasters. "Get up!"

"Master?" Mario attempted again, but his inquiry came at exactly the moment Berkut seemed to finally decide to stop his fake slumber. "Ur... oh, good morning, Matthew. Is there something you require of I, Berkut?"

Mario's eye twitched. "Master-"

"I want you to go to your painting in Silent Hill and-"

"Silent Hill? Another message for that layabout great-grandson of mine?" Berkut sighed. "You sure that needs doing tonig-"

"How dare you!" burst out another headmaster- a remarkably old man with a gold crown and a lightning bolt in his hand. "We are honorbound to serve the current headmaster- the age of fire depends on it!"

"Master, what's-" Mario tried one last time.

"Berkut, I'm afraid this situation is of the utmost-"

"GODDAMMIT, LOOK AT ME!"

A ringing silence fell as everyone turned to look for whoever had just screamed out the serie's first major profanity- Mario himself spent a second looking before realizing that he had done it himself.

Berkut's lips drew into a nasty smirk. "On second thought, I'd like to take a break from this overgrown daycare regardless. What message would you like delivered?"

Link looked more shocked than before, and Samus looked affronted, but the Master Hand seemed totally unfazed. Before anyone could comment further, Merlon was back. "The man's been retrieved, Master. He doesn't look good, but he's still breathing, at the very least."

Mario noticed Link tensing up- he thought he saw his lips form the word "Dad..."

"In that case," the Master Hand mused, "there's nothing left but to wait for Nia- ah!"

The welsh catgirl had reappeared in her painting as well. "Not a pre'y, saight, Maister- he-" She seemed to notice the agitated state of the room. "Ey, what's all this, then?"

"It doesn't matter- how's Rusl?" the Master Hand pressed.

"They took 'im to my hospital," she confirmed. "In a roight bad state, 'e is, but, if you want my opinion, we got ta him just in time."

Link loosened up, albeit only slightly.

"Good," the Master Hand nodded. "Samus, if you would, go and retrieve the other Farons. They ought to be here for this as well."

"Of course." Samus threw one last look at Mario before leaving the room. In her absence, Mario moved closer to Link, attempting to offer whatever comfort he could. It was difficult, when his own chest was full of ice. He remembered Mrs. Faron's encounter with the tanetane, how the vile creature had cycled through each of the deceased family members in turn...

"He's not gonna die," he whispered. "Nia said we got to him in time... he's gonna be alright..."

Link looked like he was about to vomit, but nodded his acknowledgement.

The Master Hand went into one of the many closets that lined his office and procured a silver harmonica, which he placed on his desk before snapping his fingers- the harmonica glowed momentarily with a blue light.

Berkut cleared his throat. "Excuse me, Matthew? Did you not have a message you wanted me to deliver to my fool of a great grandson?"

"Tell him that Rusl Faron has been gravely injured- that his children will be arriving momentarily, along with Mario Mario."

"I'm sure he'll be thrilled," Berkut rolled his eyes, before leaving his portrait just as Merlon and Nia had.

Speaking of Nia, her ears were flat against her head as she watched him go. "Oi'll 'ave his guts for garters one day, oi will."

"I'm afraid you won't, former headmistress, he's simply too valuable," came Samus's voice- she had returned, the other Faron children entering nervously behind her.

"Mario? Link? What's going on?" Peach asked. "Ms. Aran said something about Dad being hurt?"

"He has been," the Master Hand confirmed without preamble. "He was injured while on duty for Philanthropy. We have retrieved him and delivered him to Mercy Hospital. I have just created a whir-gate to take you all to Silent Hill. Your mother shouldn't be far behind."

"Hey, hold on!" Kirby spoke up.

"You gotta tell us more than-" Meta started, but the twins were interrupted when a flash of flame signalled a single feather floating down onto the Master Hand's desk.

"Fassad," the Master Hand noted gravely. "We can't send them until Berkut confirms the coast is clear. Samus, slow him down. Do whatever you must."

"Gladly," Samus almost snarled as she turned and left the office once again.

"The coast is, indeed, clear," came Berkut's voice as he sashayed back into his portrait. "Roy is delighted, of course, to have some company. There are no obstacles in the way."

"Good," the Master Hand nodded. "Quick, everyone- to me!"

Mario, Link, Peach, and the twins all gathered near the harmonica.

"On the count of three," the Master Hand instructed calmly. "One... two..."

Mario looked up, and, for the first time since leaving the Mansion the previous year, looked directly into whatever approximated the Master Hand's eyes. It was strange, they usually brought him a sense of peace and calm, but now... now, out of nowhere, it brought him a fierce, burning hatred. It was the same feeling he'd had during his earlier outburst. Mario was gone, in his place was a strong desire to attack- to rend, slaughter... kill...

"Three!"

The Master Hand's office disappeared, and the sudden urge along with it- he and the Farons were spinning through a whirlwind of light and sound, coming to a brief stop in what seemed like outer space, before taking off back into a column of color, finally landing with a series of grunts on the floor of a living room. The exact living room was easy to discern when the noise caused screeches to go off in the distance. "Pissants! Trolls! Traitors to the fairer race! Fithy-"

"Nobody asked your opinion," came a weary voice as Sonia Reed's curtains were fastened shut once more. There, in the entrance to the living room, stood a grim-faced Roy Alluvia.

"Ah, if it isn't the blood traitors, back again," moaned Bana, the incredibly elderly yoshi behind him. "Little wonder the pure mother was put ill at-"

"And you can smeg off, too!" Roy grimaced. Bana stepped backwards, offering as low a bow as his enormous nose would permit, and dragged his way back out of the living room. Roy turned to his new arrivals. "Now, I will ask for your opinion- what's going on here? Berkut only said-"

"Dad's been hurt!" Peach explained quickly. "And we're going to go see him." She was already pulling herself to her feet and brushing herself off, making her way towards the door.

"Hold up, hold up, hold up! Time out!" Roy raised his hands in the traditional 'time out' gesture. "Yeah, I knew there was something wrong with your father, that's what grandpappy told me- but he was kinda sparse on the details-"

"We probably don't know much more than you do," Kirby freely admitted, right on Peach's tail for the door.

"You want details, ask Mario, he's the one who actually saw it," Meta agreed- Mario hoped he was imagining the accusatory tone in the puffball's voice. "We don't need the details ourselves- we just need to see Dad!"

"Hold up!" To everyone's surprise, it was now Link holding his hands up. "I don't know about you, but I'd like some more details." He turned meaningfully to Mario. "What exactly happened?"

Peach and the twins didn't seem happy about it, but they at least stopped their exodus long enough to turn similar questioning gazes towards Mario, who gulped, tugging slightly at his collar. "Well, I kinda told you everything I know already, Link. I had a vision... a vision of your dad getting attacked... by a dry bones."

"A dry skeleton?" Kirby asked.

"A dry koopa skeleton," Roy corrected. "Dammit, thought I heard about Tabuu having one of those..."

Mario glanced at Link, whose eyes were still on the filthy carpet. If he had anything to say about Mario editing out being in the dry bones's point of view, he didn't say it now.

"Well, I'm sure that's really important and everything," Kirby nodded, "but we gotta go. Roy, is Mom here?"

"The Master Hand's letting her know as we speak," Roy assured him. "In the meantime, you and your siblings are going to stay put."

"Stay put? What do you mean, we're going to stay put?" Peach bristled.

"Stay here, while Dad's in the hospital?" Meta agreed, outraged.

"Yes!" Roy stood firm. "Don't you think it will look suspicious if you know about your dad being attacked before the hospital could even tell your mom?"

"Fair point, fair point," Kirby nodded, pretending to stroke a non-existent beard in thought. "Allow us to offer a counterpoint:"

"What if we don't care what the stupid hospital thinks?!" Meta Knight finished.

"You ought to," Roy crossed his arms. "One wrong move, and this will have serious repurcussions on Philanthropy."

"And what makes you think we care, when our father is-" Peach started.

"Your father knew what he was risking when he signed up for this job!" Roy cut her off. "The last thing he'd want is you threatening everything he was working for by running off half-cocked!"

"It's easy for you to say, when you're nice and safe here in Silent Hill!" Peach shouted back.

Silence fell- Peach's widening eyes indicated even she knew she'd gone too far with that one. Roy's brow furrowed, and when he began moving forward, Mario honestly thought he was going to smack her- but he didn't. He instead knelt down and pulled her and the twins into the tightest hug of which he was capable.

"I understand better than you know," he whispered. "I understand... the last thing I want to do is sit by while another friend is risking his life... but we have to. He's in a government-funded building right now, we just can't afford to raise suspicion."

The twins eyes widened as they seemed to remember that this man was one who'd lost many friends while he'd been unable to help- or maybe it was the oddity of being hugged by a man they'd considered a mass murderer until earlier that very year. Mario could understand that.

Roy released them, slowly moving to a nearby rocking chair. Peach assumed a recliner, while Mario, Link, and the twins squeezed onto the sofa.

What followed was quite possibly one the most miserable stretches of time in Mario's life. An uneasy silence fell over the living room, only broken after five minutes by Roy rising to get drinks. He returned and distributed some of the old standby, Mountain Dew, which they accepted without any further comment. For once, Mario didn't feel like drinking the Code Red his godfather provided, but it was the only thing he had to draw his attention away from his mind-numbing guilt, so he did it anyways.

It was his fault they were here- he had, in some way, been the one who'd attacked Rusl Faron, a man who was almost as much a father to him as Roy was, and now they were all going through what seemed like an endless limbo, waiting to hear if he would live or die.

At one point, Roy weakly suggested putting something on the television, but before he could make any recommendations, he was glared down by the Farons, who clearly wanted nothing to distract from their vigil.

Mario's superego appeared on his shoulder in the form of a classic white-winged angel. C'mon, Mario, it whispered. You know it wasn't actually you, right? You just saw it, that's all.

His id wasn't far behind- though, rather than its usual stereotypical demon costume, it opted to look exactly like him with long, crazy red hair. Oh, wasn't it? Then explain that urge to kill the big Hand he had, twice! I think it's clear that dear Mr. Mario is going right around the bend!

Shut up, BOTH OF YOU! Mario thought fiercely to himself, fiercely chugging the last of his soda before slamming the can on the table in front of him.

The others may have commented on this, but they were distracted when there was a burst of fire right next to it- not from Mario, but from a scarlet feather that had materialized there, alongside an envelope.

"What is it, what is it?!" The twins and Peach had a brief three-way battle that Kirby ultimately emerged victorious from, spitting both his siblings out and squatting to rid himself of his sister's hair, which had grown on his own head upon swallowing her. Within seconds, he had it open and was looking at the contents.

"Dad still alive... going to Umbrella now... stay at Silent Hill."

"Still alive?" Link asked hopefully.

"That's what it says," Kirby nodded. "But..."

He didn't finish his sentence, nor did he need to. He was 'still alive.' Uli hadn't said anything about him continuing to live.

"She says... she says she'll keep us up to date," Kirby whispered, before passing the note around- first to Meta, then to Peach, and finally to Link. Link did make an effort to hand it to Mario, who turned it down- his stomach was roiling enough as it was.

The vigil continued. They jumped at the smallest noises, both anticipating and dreading any further missives from Uli. A positive note may end their torment, yes, but as long as things remained silent, they could reassure themselves that Rusl was still breathing, as the moment he stopped would surely bring a message as well. None of them knew if they could stand that.

Tension built and built- despite their early awakening, none of them could bear to sleep, fearing what they would find when they awoke. At one point, Peach seemed to drift off momentarily, but when one of the usual bumps in the night caused her to sit up, straight and wide-eyed, Mario came to the conclusion she was, in fact, more awake now than she'd ever been in her life.

After five agonizing hours that felt more like five years, the front door swung open, and there was Uli Faron, pale but smiling a genuine smile, keeping her audience from being on tenterhooks before she said, "He's going to make it! He's going to be fine!"

Just like that, all their fear vanished, and color seemed to return to the world.

"He's going to be alright?" Peach asked again, eyes shining and unwittingly causing Mario's stomach to do a backflip.

"Just fine," Uli repeated. "He's asleep now- Midna's with him. Linebeck's on his way back from Lothric- we can go see him later today."

Kirby and Meta whooped, commencing an odd joint dance- Peach tearfully got up and hugged her mother, while Link threw the remainder of his soda down his throat before slapping Mario on the back.

Roy stood and clapped his hands together. "Alright, how's about I rustle up some grub? You haven't lived until you've tried one of my omelets!"

Mario could tell he wanted to leave the Farons to their rejoicing, and was happy to get up and join him, but he was cut off when Uli pulled him into a bone-breaking hug. "The Master Hand told us everything- you're the reason he survived! Thanks to you, he was found just in time! Thank you, thank you, thank you!"

Mario, as discussed, felt he hardly deserved the gratitude, but he didn't exactly have to say so- it was hard to talk when your lungs felt like they were being crushed by a hydraulic press.

When she finally released him, he almost collapsed to the floor, massaging his chest as he vaguely heard Uli turning towards Roy. "And thank you for taking care of my children!"

"Ey, don't worry about it," Roy smiled, making a pair of thumbs up. "I'll bill ya for my services later. Don't worry, they were pretty well-behaved, so I'll give ya a discount!"

Uli gave a chuckle. "Is it alright if we stay a little longer? Silent Hill is closer to the hospital than Ordon, and all."

"What, and have more company over Christmas than that rag of a yoshi? Why would I want that?" Roy wrinkled his nose theatrically.

Uli chuckled again, and to Mario's chagrin, donned an apron to begin helping Roy prepare breakfast. He gave up on his attempted subtlety and straight-up said, "Roy, can I talk to you about something real quick?"

Roy blinked, but quickly donned a warm smile. "Sure- you good makin' breakfast, Uli?"

"Absolutely," she agreed with a smile. Roy gently placed a hand on Mario's shoulder and steered him into the next room over.

"Alright, kiddo, what's wrong?" Roy crossed his arms.

Had anyone else referred to Mario as 'kiddo,' it would have been cause for an impromptue cremation, but Mario felt strangely pleasant when it was Roy, so he did nothing worse than a little snark- even that was in an effort to steer things back to normal. "My godfather thinks I'm the Bride from Kill Bill, for one."

Roy laughed. "Alright, alright, what did you really want to say?"

"Mario took a deep breath. "What I said earlier was true... but I left something out- I didn't just see Rusl get attacked, I did it. I saw the whole thing from the dry bone's point of view, like some messed up game of Doom!"

"Well... that is interesting," Roy agreed. "But I don't-"

"There's more!" Mario cut him off. "When I was in the Master Hand's office, twice, there was this urge- I don't understand it, but I wanted to attack him- to kill him! Roy, I think I'm losing my mind!"

Roy hesitated a moment longer, perhaps to give Mario the chance to say anything else that was on his mind, before smiling gently. "Mario, if you still have a mind to lose after all this time, you're doing better than most people in the smasher world."

"I... I keep remembering that Nietzche quote," Mario admitted. "'He who fights monsters should see to it that he doesn't become a monster himself.' What if that's what's happening to me? I'm so... so angry all the time... what if, after all this time fighting Tabuu, I'm going to end up just like him?"

Roy knelt down and placed both hands on his godson's shoulders. "Mario, I want you to listen to me carefully... you are (not) a bad person."

"Did you really just put 'not' in parentheses?" Mario couldn't help snarking.

"Got your mind off of things a bit, didn't it?" Roy smirked. "You're a good person who... bad things happen to. This... this anger you're feeling, it's a natural part of the stage of life you're at. Heck, between you and me, I wouldn't mind decking the old hand once in a while myself."

He patted Mario's shoulders again and stood up. "Eat some breakfast, get some rest. Do not blame yourself for Rusl- you didn't do it, you only saw it, and you seeing it is why he's still alive. Later, we can go talk to him, and I'm sure he'll say the same."

XXXX

Mario ate his omelets quickly, not noticing if they were good or if they were worthy of Mythra, the infamous worst cook at the Smash Mansion. He then went up to his bed, but did not sleep. Even when Link came up and leapt in his bed, fully clothed and on top o the covers, and instantly began snoring, Mario did not join him in dreamland. He wouldn't do it- he wasn't about to let that dry bones take him over again. Existence alone knew what it would do this time- attemt to finish its work on Rusl? Send one of the other Farons to join him? Or maybe Roy? He was convinced, somehow, someway, his sleep was tied to that creature and its attack, and he was not going to give it another chance.

When Link woke up, Mario pretended he'd had a decent sleep as well. Perhaps his normal demeanor was too sleepy, because Link had no trouble believing so.

It seemed that their belongings had been sent to them via albatross during their nap, and it didn't take long for them all to take on their muggle guises. They were subsequently picked up by Simon and Krystal (seeing Simon Belmont in a letterman jacket was somehow the strangest thing Mario had seen that day,) and guided them to a bus on the edge of Silent Hill (for some reason, busses didn't run in the town itself.)

As if the world was determined to torment him, Krystal took a vast interest in the vision he'd had. "You're sure that you're a pyromancer, not a psychic?" she pressed.

"I'm sure," Mario stated firmly. He wasn't sure why he took offense to that- perhaps because the first psychic he thought of was Lucario, a total nutcase. That wasn't fair, though- he also knew Ness... Paula... Kumatora... second thought, all the psychics he knew were nutjobs. Maybe there was a correlation, or maybe it was a side effect of the smasher world being one of nutjobs to begin with.

"I can assure you, he's definitely a pyro," Link grinned. "Gets into fights with ice-slingers and everything."

"Just a pyromancer," Mario sighed heavily. "Not a dragon slayer... even if I did do a fire dragon's roar once."

Finally, they disembarked in the middle of a large city- Kamurocho, according to Simon. "That... sounds more like a Japanese city, doesn't it?" Mario couldn't help asking.

"Japanese immigrants," Simon grunted. "Same story as Kurain Village, in fact."

Mario gave it some thought, and decided that was as good an explanation as he was likely to get.

"Alright, here we are!" Krystal called brightly as they pulled up in front of what seemed to Mario like a completely empty building- the sign out front declared it Pocket Circuit Playground- Home of the Pocket Circuit Grand Prix! Through the glass windows and door, all he could see was what looked like a hot wheels track.

"So... slot car racing?"

"Yup!" Krystal nodded cheerfully. "Too bad Pocket Circuit Fighter moved away, I remember coming here all the time as a pup..."

She opened the door- and on the other side was no abandoned playground, but the reception area to a vast hospital. There were rows and rows of seats for smashers of all shapes and sizes- with smashers being as diverse as they were, Mario wasn't even able to tell those who were injured from those who were fine- though he doubted most healthy smashers sported red eyes, withdrawn gums, and an apetite for human flesh.

"Damn... T-Virus!" fumed one of the orderlies as they strapped a thrashing zombie onto a gurney and wheeled him away. "Valentine ward, quick!"

"Every time I think we've seen the last of them," sighed the young woman behind the counter- what looked like an animated doll with pale hair and red eyes. Perhaps she hadn't been in danger to begin with. She turned to look at them as they approached. "Ah, good smashers... what is it you desire?"

While Krystal spoke with her, Mario's eyes caught on to a portrait at the end of the reception room, as if the resident was watching over everything- a resident he recognized as Nia, former headmistress of the Smash Mansion, looking rather smug as she sat in her chair. Beneath the painting were two words in gold: OUR FOUNDER.

"Wait, so Nia didn't just work here, she founded the place?" Mario asked.

"She was a remarkably talented healer," Uli nodded, following his gaze. "Some stories say she could even resurrect the dead!"

"Then... why is this place named after Mercy?"

"...Coincidence?"

Mario sighed heavily and decided he was just going to have to roll with it. Nia flashed him a cocky grin and a finger gun before leaving her painting.

Krystal was still waiting in line- ahead of her was a short man under a hood, with a high-pitched voice that reminded Mario unpleasantly of Fassad. "I am being here to deliver a present to Mr. Turner Grey! A winner is he! For winning special lottery, a potted plant delivered from we!"

"Fourth floor," the Doll explained evenly. "Though I'm afraid there is very little use in giving it to him- his mind is still quite gone, poor thing."

The man in the hood nodded- Mario thought- and shuffled off.

Finally, it was Krystal's turn. "We're here to see Rusl Faron!"

"Rusl... Faron..." the Doll looked through her books. "Ah, yes, the poor man who was attacked by a dry bones. You'll find him on the third floor, first door on the right of the Aerith Gainsborough Ward."

"Aerith Gainsborough, got it!" Krystal saluted jauntily. "C'mon, everyone!"

She led them up a set of nearby steps and down a couple short hallways to a door whose card read:

Aerith Gainsborough Ward

Overseeing Physician: Jin Uzuki

Trainee Physician: Momo Mizrahi

"You and the kids should go in first," Krystal encouraged Uli. "Don't wanna crowd the place too much, and family oughtta take priority!"

"Aye," Simon agreed, adjusting his eyepatch. "We'll make sure there are no... interruptions." He fingered his whip.

"That's a good point," Mario agreed, shrinking into a corner. "You all go and-"

"Oh, no you don't, Mr. Grumpy Gills!" Kirby smirked as he and Meta flanked Mario- their usual good cheer had been absolutely restored by the news that their father was going to be okay.

"You're the reason the man's still breathing!" Meta was, as ever, in exact tune with his twin.

"There's no way we're letting you get away from his adoration!" they chorused, grinning wickedly as they frog-marched him into the room just ahead of a smirking Link and giggling Peach.

He was forced past two patients he didn't pause to take in before they finally released him next to Rusl's bed, right next to an oval-shaped window.

Well, if anything, Mario was glad to see that Rusl definitely looked better than the last time he'd seen him- leaning against the head of his bed, flicking through an old (very old, Mario had to remind himself sadly) issue of Nintendo Power. A grin spread across his face when he saw his visitors. "Ah, Uli! Kids! You just missed Midna, had some work to get back to, but she said she'd stop by the Hill later!"

"How are you feeling?" Uli asked anxiously. "You still look so pale!"

"Oh, I feel fine!" Rusl flipped his hand in a 'pish-posh' sort of way, using his other arm to pull Peach into a hug. "Oh, kids, did you hear about that new game they're releasing on the NES soon? It sounds like a good one- Earth Bound, it's called..."

Mario didn't have the heart to tell him, but fortunately, he didn't have to- Uli spoke next.

"How long do you think you'll be in here?"

"If they could take the bandages off, I could go home right now," Rusl smiled.

"Then why don't they?" Peach asked fairly.

"Every time they do, all the wounds open up again," Rusl shrugged as if this were a completely normal problem to have. "It's a strange sort of venom that they haven't seen before, even in other dry bones attacks. They'll find an antidote soon enough, though- it's all just a matter of time. Compared to him-" Rusl nodded towards the man in the bed next to his, currently fast asleep- "I don't really have anything to complain about. He got attacked by a werecreature."

"A werecreature?" Peach asked, suddenly nervous. "Right next to you? In a hospital?"

"The full moon's still two weeks away," Rusl waved dismissively. "They've got some power-ups in store to let him keep his mind anyways. I tried telling him about Fox, give him a bit of hope, you know, but he told me to shove it up my... well, I don't think I need to repeat that."

"And who's the one in the bed nearest the door?" Kirby couldn't help asking.

"A Mr. Victor Sullivan," Rusl explained. "No idea what got him, he wouldn't tell us. Probably handling something illegally. He keeps insisting that nothing's wrong with him, but he has this horrendous growth on his face-"

"I told ya, that's just my moustache!" came a somewhat old-sounding voice from the bed in question.

"Of course it is, of course it is!" Rusl quickly called back appeasingly.

"Enough of that, enough of that!" Meta interjected. "C'mon, Pops, tell us what happened!"

"I thought you knew the story already!" Rusl blinked. "Mr. Sandman decided to bring me a dream at a very inopportune moment, a dry bones saw a chance and took it!"

"A government employee attacked like this... I wonder if the Tribune is gonna talk about this?" Peach pondered.

"They won't," Rusl shook his head. "You think the government wants the people to know a giant skeletal koopa got down to-"

"Rusl!" Uli interjected sharply.

Rusl coughed. "Got down to... to business! To defeat... the huns?"

"Are you saying you're a hun, Dad?" Peach crossed her arms, half-lidded- for the second time that day and probably the fourth or fifth time this story, Mario felt a fluttering in his stomach.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, we got all that," Kirby waved aside. "But we know there's more to it! There's one thing nobody's bothered mentioning- where you were when you were attacked!"

"Well, I'm afraid that's classified," Rusl chuckled. "Oh, Uli, remember that cursed pokemon cartridge I was investigating? We found the man responsible- a young man by the name of Gary Oak. Apparently, he has a history of harassing muggles, I have no idea why he was even out of jail, he should have been-"

Meta Knight cleared his throat. "You say you had a long day- a long day of doing what?"

"Well, tracking down Oak, of course," Rusl deflected. "I don't think he's going to be getting off scot-free this time, not after the damage that Pokemon cart-"

"I get it... you were guarding it," Kirby crossed his arms, no mean feat. "The weapon, or whatever it is- the thing the starmen are-"

"That will do, you two!" Uli interrupted.

Rusl was looking very wrong-footed. "Er... so, the cart... Pokemon Black..."

"Now that I think about it, didn't you say the Great Darkness has a dry bones, too, Mario?" Peach recalled. "Real nasty piece of-"

"Okay, that's enough," Uli interrupted. "Kids, out- send in Simon and Krystal. You can come back in and say goodbye afterward."

Looking mutinous, the kids all left, and watched as Simon and Krystal entered instead.

"Yeah, yeah, be like that, don't tell us anything," Kirby muttered.

"Just don't think you'll keep anything from us for long!" Meta agreed. "Now, where did we-"

"A-hem!"

They all looked to Link, smirking as he held up a soup can. "I planted the other end on a tree while you were all looking the other way."

"Heh, way to go, bro!" Peach smirked.

"We'll make a proper Faron of you yet," Kirby grinned as they all gathered around the listening device.

"-a giant sweep, but nobody found any trace of the dry bones," Krystal was whispering. "It's like it just vanished!"

"I just want to know how it got in there to begin with," Uli said worriedly.

"I doubt he expected the thing to get all the way in," Simon grunted. "No, just a scout. Hate to say it, Rusl, but I'm glad you were there, asleep or not. Existence knows how much info that demonic sunnuvabitch would have been able to take back to its master if you hadn't. All the more fortunate that Mario saw it all... right?"

"That's what happened," Uli confirmed. "The strangest thing is, the Master Hand wasn't even surprised! It's like he was expecting this to happen!"

"Well, we've always known there was something... unique about that kid," Simon muttered.

"The Master Hand seemed worried," Krystal recalled.

"As well he should be," Simon agreed. "Sharing vision with a demonic son of a bitch like that... of course, he doesn't understand what that means, but if I'm right, and the Great Darkness is possessing him-"

Mario leapt away as though the soup can had burned him, looking at his companions' faces, suddenly white with shock.

XXXX

No excuses, no excuses. Even my grand return went on hiatus. But I'm better now! I've had time to think things through and develop a plan of action for the remainder of this series! Knowing exactly what I want to do, and with the internal resolve to play through FromSoft's library and write a page every time I die, we are ready to take on the challenge in front of us! If there's still anyone out there still reading this, I promise to reward your unwavering faith- to finally do something to earn it. Until next time, don't you dare go hollow- Gamer4 out!