Chapter Thirty-Five
It felt odd to Harry to admit to himself that he felt more nervous that morning than he ever had before. Not even going up against Voldemort in the Forbidden Forest during the final battle of the war or fighting any of the dementors he destroyed filled him with as much dread and worry. Perhaps others would deem it silly to think so, but it was true. If he really considered the reason why, he supposed it had to do with the fact that his actions that day would affect other people far more than they would affect him. No matter how that day progressed, his life would remain essentially unchanged while it could potentially ruin the lives of others. He couldn't say the same for Voldemort or the dementors he faced.
He hadn't been able to get much sleep the night before. Or any really. All night as he tossed and turned in his bed, he worried he hadn't done enough. It was too late to do anything else. What if he neglected to do something he could've easily done and ruined every chance? Until he knew for certain the outcome, he wouldn't be able to relax. Even then he might not be able to if the outcome was what he feared it might be.
The entire two days before he tracked down every single member of the Wizengamot to meet with them personally. He gave them the magazine and implored them to vote with their conscience when it was time. With each member he made certain to have as valuable a conversation as they allowed. The Ministry had a history of committing numerous wrongs. They could be a part of correcting one of the worst.
Some were lost causes. He knew that long before he ever met with a single member. They would always vote to send Crouch back to Azkaban no matter what. He learned quickly how to spot those. While he would still have a conversation with them, he wouldn't waste his time trying to persuade them. Plenty of others were still on the fence. He hoped they were convinced. Would it be enough?
"You did everything you could."
How had Luna always known exactly what to say at the right moment? Since they first became friends in his fifth year and her fourth, she had been surprising him with wisdom he needed. It seemed to be further proof that she was the one meant for him.
"Are you sure?"
"Of course I am."
Not caring in the slightest that they weren't alone, Luna kissed him. That also helped to calm his anxious nerves. He hoped he would never get to a place where it didn't excite him each time she kissed him. She was far too special to ever be taken for granted.
There was one more thing he could do to try to help. When he was asked to testify before the full Wizengamot about his personal experiences with the dementors, he hadn't hesitated to agree. They needed to know, on the record, how cruel the Ministry had been. Light had to be shone in the darkest of corners if they ever hoped to rid themselves of the corruption that had plagued it from the very beginning.
Standing outside the courtroom waiting to be escorted in only further convinced him he was doing the right thing. He had always suspected Crouch was in love with Hermione. Seeing the way he stood in the corridor holding her hand, staring at her as if she was his only tie keeping him bound to Earth was proof. He fought back a sad smile remembering the morning after Christmas when he vehemently declared there would never be anything between them as long as he lived. Fate had a way of making liars out of them all.
Watching Hermione whisper softly to the man had been a revelation to Harry. Of course he knew Hermione cared about the man. She had always had a tendency to get personally involved with those she considered downtrodden or misused by society. Harry thought Crouch was a project she got too involved with. It wasn't until he saw the fear in her eyes she was trying to hide from Crouch that he realized she was in love.
Her relationships in the past had been a veritable minefield of pain and destruction. Some of it wasn't her fault. A lot of it was. Harry understood very well as many of their experiences were eerily similar. Hermione looked at Crouch like he looked at Luna. The stakes were even higher. He didn't want to fail his old friend when she needed him most.
The door to the courtroom opened. A clerk came out to take Harry inside with Crouch. No matter how much both wizards needed their witches by their side, they had to remain outside in the corridor until it was over. Closed sessions were closed for everyone.
Harry took a deep breath to try to calm down. It was intimidating seeing everyone stare at him from the benches. He hoped he wouldn't throw up in the middle of his testimony. That would leave a poor impression indeed.
Neither Barty nor Hermione wanted to rush out of the sanctuary of their home Friday morning, but they knew they couldn't be late. That sent the wrong message, that they didn't respect the valuable time of the esteemed members of the Wizengamot. Punctuality had always been important to Hermione. She found little else as frustrating as when someone couldn't be on time. It was just rude and entirely avoidable. That morning, however, she wished she could delay leaving as long as possible.
The night before had both been a terribly long night and one that flew by. She didn't know how to explain that where it would make any bit of sense. There hadn't been much sleep. How could either one of them turn off their minds for any length of time to get more than a short nap here or there? Only short little bursts of sleep between passionate bouts of lovemaking offered them any rest at all.
Barty didn't want to talk. Since they started getting along after he moved in, they spent many evenings having very interesting conversations about a large variety of topics. When they were in the right mood, they could talk for hours without having even an awkward pause. It had been Hermione's favorite part of their developing friendship. Discovering they could also have lively discussions in bed together had been a wonderful surprise. Few times in her life had she been able to enjoy the same with another lover. In the tense hours leading up to the hearing in the Wizengamot, he preferred using his mouth for other activities rather than speech.
As morning dawned and the sun began to rise, they both felt even more lost. Would it be the last time they were alone together? She didn't want to consider the very real possibility that once they walked out the house, she might never see Barty again. Visitation at Azkaban was nearly impossible. Most tried to avoid the prison because it was dangerous and far out on an island. Without actually being married to Barty, she had no claim to visit him legally. She would have to get special permission and that wasn't always possible.
Hating the thoughts that were overtaking her mind, Hermione shook her head and closed her eyes. She had to remain positive. Yes, it was most likely that Barty would be sent back to Azkaban. Even if she didn't want to admit so, it was true. While she knew she had to prepare herself for that possibility, it wasn't a certainty. There was always a chance. She had to keep up a strong front for Barty's sake. If it was to be the last moments they were together, she didn't want them tainted with her tears.
"Barty…"
The clock on the mantel struck the hour. No longer could they keep running from the fact that they had to get to London. An official owl from the Wizengamot Administration arrived the night before telling him exactly when he was expected to be in the courtroom.
At the front door Hermione gave Barty a silent kiss of encouragement then brushed a lock of his hair away from his face. His eyes closed at the gentle touch. He had yet to get used to the little embraces. For someone who had been as touch-starved as he was, a lifetime might not have been enough. She snuck a second kiss before opening the front door.
No reporters waited for them outside her house which she found very odd. Would they not have been informed the Wizengamot would be deciding Barty's fate that morning? She couldn't believe they weren't assaulted with dozens of cameras and impertinent questions. Did the Daily Prophet and all of the other publications that were so intent on finding out every little detail they could about Barty no longer interested? Had they decided his fate was already decided?
Hermione took Barty by the arm to Side-Along Apparate him to London. Reminders of the first time she had to take him to Diagon Alley in that manner and been so disgusted by his touch only made her sad. They had come so far in such a relatively short period of time. Was it all for nothing? Was it just the Universe's cruel torture for two of its loneliest souls?
Arriving outside of the London Headquarters of the Ministry of Magic made it all very real. She felt nervous to walk inside the building she entered every day. It was late enough in the morning that most of the officials would already be inside their offices, but the building was usually busy all day. Would they have any problems getting inside and down to the courtroom? She worried that there would be plenty of angry people who would want to taunt Barty when they saw him. Though entirely understandable, she hoped they wouldn't. The day was going to be hard enough as it was.
After so many years of being an employee, it felt strange stepping into the telephone box that was the visitor's entrance. Barty took the chance while they were alone in the box to kiss her again. It was short and sweet. She had to push away the hurtful realization that it very well could be the last kiss they shared. Had they really gotten to the point where she could start numbering their final kisses? If it was decided he should be returned to Azkaban, they likely would take him immediately.
The traffic inside the Ministry was normal for a Friday morning. Still no reporters wandered around to her surprise. Maybe the Wizengamot had been a secret. She hadn't asked and just assumed it was public knowledge. Once Barty pinned on his vistor's badge, Hermione reached for his hand. Surprised that she would willingly grab it in public, he pulled it back. She grabbed it again. There wasn't enough time to argue about whether or not it was appropriate or a good idea to show public affection to him in her workplace. She didn't care if anyone saw. It could be their only chance.
Level Ten was one of the more dismal levels in the entire building. Hermione had been grateful that she had only been expected to go down there a handful of times in the years since she started working in the building. It was a long, dreadful journey. Accessible only by stairs on Level Nine, it almost felt as if the designers of the building wanted to make it as uncomfortable a process as possible. She felt the entire time as they used the lift and then walked down the long corridor to the stairs that she was going to be sick. Every step was hard.
A small crowd was gathered outside of the courtroom when they arrived. Expecting to finally be confronted by obnoxious members of the press, it was a bit of a relief to realize they weren't there. She recognized everyone there. Most of them were friendly, but the possessive way she continued to hold Barty's hand did not go unnoticed.
She was relieved to see Harry and Luna waiting only a few steps away. The friendliest of faces gathered, she didn't bother greeting anyone else. Harry was the one to hold his arms out to hug her first. She dropped Barty's hand to allow herself to be enveloped in the embrace. After so much tension and frustration plagued their friendship for years, she was glad that they could still be supportive and there for each other.
"Thank you for everything, Harry."
"I didn't do much."
"That's not true and you know it."
When they broke apart, Harry actually seemed a little embarrassed. It was endearing how he still didn't care for all of the attention he got even after the life he'd lived. If ever there was someone who deserved to settle into a quiet life where he wouldn't be bothered, it was him. She grabbed Barty's hand again, unwilling to let a moment be wasted.
"It seems I'm late to congratulate you both."
Referring to their surprise engagement was a much more positive way to distract their minds from the reason they were really there. Harry smiled and thanked her. She really was happy for them. It had been a surprise to learn they were together, but they made sense. Maybe they should've started dating much sooner.
A clerk with the Wizengamot Administration approached their small group to request that Barty and Harry come with him. Unfortunately for Hermione's peace of mind, the session was closed. She and Luna would have to remain outside entirely ignorant of what was happening inside. Before he would release her hand, Barty pulled her into his arms to kiss her once more. It was bold and wonderful. She suddenly felt overcome with strong emotion. Was that the last one? Would that be what she would have to hold onto?
She watched him walk into the courtroom and disappear. The heavy door shutting behind him sounded too loud in her ears. Luna gently took Hermione by the arm to lead her over to a bench. She was glad she did. Left up to her, she might have stood frozen in place just staring at the wooden door for however long the ordeal would take.
Hermione was glad not to be alone. The waiting was going to be hard enough without any sort of support. Even though she really didn't feel up to making any sort of conversation, she felt like she should at least say something. They could be out there for hours. Silence would be uncomfortable.
"Your ring is absolutely stunning, Luna."
"Thank you."
Maybe bringing up the engagement wasn't the best topic of conversation considering the circumstances. As soon as she looked over at Luna's diamond ring, she felt a wave of intense envy spring up inside her gut. It was possible to be both very happy for someone and very jealous of them at the same time.
"Harry and I tried to think of a way to take the spotlight away from you two when the article was released of you both kissing."
Both surprised and yet not at all surprised, Hermione stared at Luna with an open mouth. The spectacle had been for her benefit? At the time she didn't think it was in character for Harry to be so ostentatious and public about asking the woman he loved to marry him. He seemed more the type to take a witch up on his broomstick and propose in the clouds.
"And just so you don't worry that it was all a lie, he had already asked me to marry him. I was half-naked standing at the kitchen sink and he just blurted out the question. There was no plan. He probably didn't even realize what he was asking until he opened his mouth."
Hermione smiled. Now that sounded more like her best friend.
"It was his idea to do the public proposal. He thought the newspaper would be more interested in that and give you some peace for a few days at least."
Despite all of their problems, it was evident that she and Harry still cared about each other. The arguments they had in the months leading up to him leaving on his mission to destroy all of the dementors could be resolved. Truthfully, once he came home in one piece they stopped being important. With Harry so obviously and intensely in love with Luna, Hermione no longer feared that he was going to do whatever was necessary to harm himself. He had too much to live for.
The emotions swirling inside of her became too much to bear. Unable to push down her fear, her anger, her worries, her frustration, and even her jealousy a second longer, she burst into tears. She covered her face with her hands. It was all so fucking unfair. Every part of it. Instead of trying to soothe her into calming down enough to stop crying, Luna just ran her hand tenderly on Hermione's back as she cried. Sometimes it was best to just get it all out of one's system.
She had no idea how long she cried. Long enough that she knew she would be embarrassed if there was anyone there other than Luna to witness it. Somehow losing it in front of her wasn't humiliating. When she calmed down enough to remove her face from her hands, Luna took her hand in both of hers to just hold it in a comforting silence. She wouldn't let it go. Together they sat just like that for a very long time.
A couple of hours passed before the door to the courtroom opened again. Barty stepped out looking very pale and like he might be sick. Not expecting to see him, Hermione jumped to her feet to rush to him.
"Are you okay?"
He couldn't even answer the question before the same clerk from earlier approached them.
"You are free to leave the building while the session continues, Mr. Crouch. Once the verdict is decided, you will be informed. The session may last several more hours, especially if the debate gets heated."
All Hermione needed to hear was they were free to leave. After saying a quick goodbye to Luna, she grabbed Barty's hand to pull him towards the stairs that would lead to the exit. Barty didn't speak the entire walk up the stairs or in the lifts or across the Atrium. Nor did he release her hand. Curious to know what had happened inside the session, his silence threatened to drive her insane. She Apparated them both home, expecting he would start talking then.
He didn't. The very moment the front door closed behind them, his lips were pressed against hers in a needy, desperate kiss. Determined to make that kiss as memorable as possible in case it was the final kiss, he put everything into it. There was nothing that needed to be said out loud about his feelings for her. She knew it all. There would be no reason for her to ever question his sincerity or the intensity.
Kissing between them rarely remained just that since they'd stepped over the line of no return. Still swirling his tongue against hers, searing every centimeter of her mouth in his memory, he ripped both of their cloaks off. She didn't even notice he was guiding her backwards with his hands on her bum until her back bumped into the hard wood of the front door. A determined tug of the waistband of her skirt ripped the fabric. The rag fell immediately to the floor to join their cloaks. Not caring in the slightest what he was doing to her wardrobe, Barty shredded her knickers in his rush to get them off. Any other moment she might have been cross with him for ruining what had been one of her favorites.
But he pulled her leg behind his back and entered her in one harsh thrust. Just the right amount of delightful pain, she cried out. He recaptured her mouth with his as he repeatedly slammed her back against the door. She hadn't expected that level of passion when they returned home. Perhaps she should have. Had he not already proven over and over again that he craved touch, especially hers?
She wanted to ignore the emotional pain he was in to try to enjoy what she could about the moment, but it was difficult. Impossible, really. Just as she sobbed in the corridor, he channeled all of the emotions he didn't know how to process into fucking her until she saw stars floating around the room. It wasn't to last long. More erratic with each thrust of his hips, he bit down on her still-clothed shoulder as he spilled inside of her with a deep groan. Slowly, he let Hermione's leg drop back down to the floor.
"I'm sorry. That was…"
Ashamed of what he did, Barty wouldn't look in her eyes. She didn't understand. Grabbing his chin with her fingers, she forced him to look at her.
"Never be sorry about that. I wanted you too."
"You could lock me in a room with you for a hundred years and I'd never get enough."
His kiss was gentler, sweeter. She repaired what she could of her clothes. When she was dressed again, he reached for her hand. He led her over to the sofa where he pulled her down to sit as close to him as physically possible. Her hand remained tightly in his grip. No longer able to ignore her curiosity, Hermione asked the first question.
"What happened?"
Barty sighed, reluctant to answer. Of course she understood that it would be difficult for him to go over what he testified in front of the Wizengamot, but she was stubborn enough to not let him try to ignore the question. After sitting outside that courtroom for hours worried to death about him, she deserved to have at least some sort of explanation what the ordeal was like.
"I was asked a number of questions about my experience being Kissed and after. I told the truth, every nasty bit of it. I think some of them must've seen my memories because there were a few who asked very deliberate questions. It was… just horrible. Even not having the full memories in my head doesn't keep me from remembering them. It's like being in a thick fog."
He leaned back to lay his head on the back of the sofa. Every part of him look exhausted and that wasn't just because of the physical exertions they just had up against the back of the front door. Never before had she seen him looking so drained. She couldn't imagine how difficult his testimony must've been. As much as she wished she could've been inside the room while he gave it, she also thought that it was likely for the best. If she heard too much, she would be very tempted to track down the worm Cornelius Fudge to exact a nasty revenge. He would deserve it, naturally, but it would be terribly awkward for her to be sent to Azkaban when she worked so hard to keep Barty out of it.
"I don't know what's going to happen next. Mr. Potter was asked to testify after me. I didn't get to hear it."
"Maybe we will hear something soon."
"Not too soon, I hope. If it doesn't take them long to agree, it's not likely to be good for me. Means they've already made up their mind and there's no need for debate."
Hermione knew he was correct. The best outcome would be for a lengthy debate process where those that believed he had every right to be excused from Azkaban because he had technically served the sentence that Fudge imposed had the opportunity to break down the ones who just wanted to send him back to prison to forget he ever existed. It wasn't uncommon for the Wizengamot to spend hours, even days arguing until they finally reached some sort of compromise or a conclusion that would satisfy most of the members. They would have to remain patient and hopeful that all would work out to his benefit.
There was one way Hermione knew to distract the man from his worries and concerns in the short-term. She leaned over to kiss him. Talking would only make them both more anxious. Eventually they would run out of topics to discuss. If he meant it when he said he could be locked in a room with her for a hundred years, she thought she knew how they could kill more time.
A harsh knock on the front door interrupted after only a minute or two. Not even yet up to the point where they were ready to start ripping clothing off again, it was frustrating. For half a second, she was ready to be angry until she saw the terror on Barty's face. If the verdict had already been decided…
Terrified and ready to break, Hermione cautiously approached the front door. Her hand shook as she reached for the door knob. Standing just outside was Head Auror Savage and the Minister for Magic. Another wizard she couldn't see properly in dark robes appeared out of thin air behind them moments later. Neither man was smiling. Her nightmare had finally come true. Just as she feared they would, they had come to take him back to Azkaban. She felt her knees buckle and she began to fall.
