A/N - this has been updated to correct grammar and spelling - a big thanks to my beta reader Ann ( goclimbatree), who has begun reading through and helping me fix errors and ensure clarity.
Let me know if you continue to see any issues. This story will be published on Kindle and Kindle Unlimited at some point once it is finished (August 30?).
Updated 7/19 to fix a continuity issue. Thanks to sljh85 for pointing it out
Chapter 1
The second time Elizabeth Bennet met Mr Darcy as she walked the grove at Rosings Park, she asked the question she had been pondering for some time. At the Netherfield ball, Mr Darcy had stated that Lieutenant Wickham was good at making but not keeping friends. She had seen a little of this in the months since then and hoped he would answer her questions.
"Mr Darcy," Elizabeth began haltingly, turning to the quiet man walking beside her, "I wondered if I might ask you about something you said to me at the ball at Netherfield."
He hesitated briefly, remembering very well what they had discussed during their dance, before responding quietly. "I would be happy to answer any questions you have, Miss Bennet."
"It is about Mr Wickham," she began. She felt the tension invade him at the mere mention of the man's name. Her hand, which was lightly resting in the crook of his elbow as he escorted her, felt the muscles beneath it flex and tighten, and out of the corner of her eye, she observed his jaw clench. "I have been considering what you said about him making but not keeping friends since the night of the ball at Netherfield. Some of the officers he was initially friendly with are now hostile and distant toward him. I have also heard that many of the shopkeepers in Meryton are refusing him credit." She paused before continuing, somewhat reluctantly. "And, although he swore he would never discredit you because of his affection for your father, he openly shared his story of the denied living after you departed, and now the entire town is now aware of it." She trailed off, unsure of how to continue.
While the mention of that scoundrel's name set his teeth on edge, Darcy did not want to risk angering her as he had the night of the ball. He patted her hand on his arm before removing it and stepping away to take several deep breaths to calm himself before he continued. He resigned himself to sharing his entire dealings with Wickham to protect her. Elizabeth watched the play of emotions on his handsome face and was confused by what she saw there.
He returned to Elizabeth and said, "I do not know precisely what Mr Wickham said to you, but at one time, he was close to my family; we played together at Pemberley as boys. My father thought highly of him, but I am afraid he did not develop into a good man. Among his other vices, he regularly runs up debts he has no intention of paying. I regret I did not warn the shopkeepers in Meryton; however, I was hesitant to speak ill of him at the time." He sighed deeply and rubbed his hand across his face before continuing.
"Just as he attempted to discredit me in Meryton by telling partial truths, he could do great harm to those under my care with other partial truths." As Elizabeth had done earlier, he paused to consider his words before blowing out a deep breath and continuing. "Miss Bennet, I would like to tell you my whole history with Wickham, and then you may judge his character, but I must beg your discretion in these matters."
She nodded, looking him in the eye. "You may be assured of my discretion, sir," she replied. "Do not feel you must tell me anything that causes you pain." He smiled and patted her hand on his arm, and they resumed their walk.
"Since you mentioned a denied living, I assume he has shared with you some of our history," Darcy began. "The senior Mr Wickham was an excellent man and was my father's steward for some years. When the elder Wickham asked my father to stand as godfather, he agreed and promised to sponsor Wickham in school. My father intended for his godson to become a rector and left a living for him conditionally in his will. However, at school, Wickham's behaviour was in no way suitable for a clergyman. When my father died, he had not taken orders, a requirement for the position, and when he came to claim his inheritance, he declared he had no intention of ever taking orders. Instead, he asked for and received the sum of three thousand pounds, claiming he intended to study the law. He signed a document giving up any claim to the living, and I paid him the three thousand pounds in addition to the legacy of one thousand pounds my father left him outright. When the incumbent passed away several years later, he wrote to ask for the living, and it was then that I refused him. The money I had given him was gone, I supposed, and he needed more. He swore revenge on me, but I ignored it, believing it to be an idle threat."
He stopped walking, and Elizabeth turned to look at him. She was surprised at the pain etched on his face. "You do not need to continue if you do not wish. He has clearly lied about the living; I can only assume he sought retribution by impugning your character to all and sundry. I am sorry I played a role in that in Meryton," she said to him. She looked down at the ground, appalled at herself for believing the man who was so obviously a scoundrel. "Not only did I spread the story of your slight at the assembly, but I also commiserated with Mr Wickham and denounced you as heartless."
He drew a breath. "As much as I would not like to, I think I must tell you the rest, Miss Bennet." He looked around him and, spying a fallen tree trunk, he gestured toward it. "Might we sit?"
At her nod, he removed his large handkerchief from his pocket and spread it on the log to protect her dress. Once they were both seated, he began speaking again. "This is the part that requires your discretion, Miss Bennet. This summer, Wickham again intruded on my family's notice. My younger sister, who is just fifteen, was in Ramsgate with her companion for a holiday. Unbeknownst to me, Mr Wickham was in league with her companion, and the two planned to convince Georgiana to elope so they could obtain her dowry, which is thirty thousand pounds. I arrived a day before the intended elopement, and Georgiana confessed all to me. Mrs Younge was promptly dismissed, and Wickham disappeared, but not before ensuring that Georgiana knew he had no interest in her apart from her dowry. Before he left the house, he told her she was boring and plain, and her fortune was his only inducement to wed her. She was, of course, brokenhearted since he had convinced her to fall in love with him, and she has taken his words to heart. It has been above six months, Miss Bennet, and she still believes her dowry is all she will ever have to offer anyone."
Tears welled up in Elizabeth's eyes. She reached out to gently touch his arm and spoke quietly. "He is truly a terrible man, and I am sorry that I ever listened to a word he had to say. I am heartbroken for your sister and the disappointment and hurt she must have experienced – is still experiencing. I am so sorry for believing his vicious words."
He placed his own hand over hers, relishing the opportunity to touch her. "Thank you, Miss Bennet. I am afraid she needs the company of another young woman, one who would be sympathetic to her difficulties, but she is painfully shy and, like me, struggles to make friends. She has a new companion who is very motherly, and of course, Richard and I have done our best to try and convince her of her worth, but she needs the companionship of someone near her age. We have not wanted to share her story outside our small circle, but I find myself increasingly unsure how to help her."
Elizabeth was startled at this intelligence. "Then why, sir, have you shared this with me since you have kept it so closely within the family circle until now?"
It was Darcy's turn to start. "Miss Bennet, I do apologise for burdening you with this story," he said haltingly. "I had not considered…" he paused again, unsure how to go on. Coming to a resolution, he picked up the small hand on his arm and enclosed it in his much larger ones. "Since meeting you first in Hertfordshire and again here at my aunt's, I have come to admire you very much, Miss Bennet. I have been wondering these last few weeks if you would be willing to be a friend to my sister. If you intend to spend any time in London after you leave Rosings, I would like to introduce my sister to you there if you would allow it."
Drawing in a sharp breath, Elizabeth considered his words. He seemed to be implying far more than his words were saying. And she was not unaware of, nor was she unaffected by, her hand tightly grasped in his. Glancing down, her cheeks colouring brightly, she replied. "I had intended to spend only a day or two in London before returning to Longbourn. Perhaps my aunt and uncle would allow me to extend my stay a few more days so you might introduce me to Miss Darcy."
"If it would help, I could convey you to London myself and then to Longbourn after a few days with my sister. Unfortunately, with Wickham and the militia still in Meryton, my sister would not be able to visit there," Darcy offered.
"Yes, I can understand that," she replied, suddenly feeling nervous around him.
"Miss Bennet," Darcy blurted, his resolve firming even as he formed the words, "Would you be willing to allow me to court you?"
She stood abruptly, removing her hand from his, walked several steps away, and turned to look at him. "I do not understand, sir," she murmured. "My cousin and your aunt have both stated that you are engaged to your cousin, Miss de Bourgh, plus I know that you find me only 'tolerable'. How can you want to court someone who is only tolerable? Last autumn in Meryton, you held yourself above our company, and while I must admit my opinion of you has changed with our talks here in Kent, I have trouble believing you would ever really want to align yourself with me and my family."
"I am not now, nor do I ever intend to be, engaged to Anne," Darcy said, having stood up as she did and flushed brightly, first in anger, then in mortification, as he comprehended her words. "And I apparently have much to apologize for. But please tell me, why would you think I find you 'tolerable'?"
"Because you said so, sir, at the assembly in Meryton, before we were even introduced. Mr Bingley approached you to convince you to dance, and you looked at me coldly before pronouncing me 'merely tolerable' and 'not handsome enough to tempt you'. I was standing only a few feet away and heard every word you spoke as you did nothing to moderate your voice," Elizabeth said heatedly.
He paled and nearly stumbled at both her ire and his shame over his own recollection of that night. "I am appalled at my words and behaviour, Miss Bennet. I sincerely apologise for ever speaking such a blatant untruth," he said apologetically. "I confess I was in a foul mood that night – I had not wanted to attend the dance and said as much to Bingley beforehand. Since I could not stay at Netherfield without Miss Bingley remaining behind, I unwillingly went to the assembly.
"Long before this autumn, I promised Bingley I would advise him when he took an estate. He reminded me of this promise in September and insisted I come with him to Netherfield to teach him how to run it. I believed that Georgiana still needed me – we had not been back from Ramsgate a month – and I did not want to leave her. However, she insisted I fulfil my promise to my friend and assured me she would use the time time to get to know her companion better and recover from her injury. Admittedly, I investigated this companion much more thoroughly than the last, and I knew Richard would be nearby while she would be staying with my other aunt. No fortune hunter could get near her, but I worried for her in more than just that. I had failed her, and I wanted to stay near her."
He stepped closer while she watched him intently. "I am most dreadfully sorry I ever spoke those words and so much more so that you overheard them and were injured by them. You must know they were and are false. You are far from tolerable, Miss Bennet; you are truly everything lovely and, without a doubt, the most beautiful woman I have ever had the privilege to know, both inside and out," he said, reaching for her hand before letting his hand drop, afraid she would not allow his touch.
She coloured slightly. "In Hertfordshire, you stared at me often, but I believed you only looked to find fault. And we argued so frequently."
Darcy looked aghast. "If I looked – or stared – at you in Hertfordshire, Miss Bennet, it was to admire you, not to find fault. I even confessed to Miss Bingley the night we were all at Lucas Lodge, the night you refused to dance with me, that I was enraptured by your eyes, and she teased me about it frequently afterwards. However, I did not realize I had stared quite so often or so obviously; I certainly did not mean to make you uncomfortable. I do not recall any arguments, but I did thoroughly enjoy our debates. If I recall correctly, you won most of them. I admired the way you did not alter your opinions to match mine, which frequently happens in London society, where I could make five contradictory statements in the same conversation, and most ladies would agree with every one of them."
"What of the conversation about what makes an accomplished woman? That was clearly an argument, Mr Darcy. Who won that one?" she inquired archly.
He laughed, taking her by surprise. She had to admit he was most handsome when he smiled and laughed, and Elizabeth was not certain she had ever seen him look so handsome before. "You did, most decidedly," he said. "But I did not argue with you in that – Miss Bingley argued and was the very clear loser in the debate. I said I only knew a few accomplished women, then Miss Bingley recited her list of so-called accomplishments, to which I added that extensive reading was required to make one accomplished. You replied you were surprised we knew any, causing Miss Bingley to state she knew many very accomplished women, completely contradicting her early statement. She went from knowing only a few to knowing many without even realizing it. And I still stand by my comment that only a few women have worthwhile accomplishments, the most important of which is to enrich her mind through extensive reading."
Elizabeth's mouth dropped open at his recounting of the conversation. After a moment, she spoke, head slightly bowed. "Again, sir, it appears I have misunderstood and misjudged you. I believed you agreed with Miss Bingley's list of accomplishments and found my own wanting."
"It was perhaps clumsy, Miss Bennet, but I confess I was attempting to compliment you," Mr Darcy said, dismayed at her admission of how she had viewed the conversations he had so enjoyed. After a moment, he spoke again. "Miss Bennet, I do admire you, but it seems we have not understood each other very well. Could we start anew? I would like to court you, but under the circumstances, perhaps we could get to know each other better before we discuss it."
Elizabeth stared at him for several moments. "I would like to start over and get to know you better, Mr Darcy.. It seems I have allowed your comment at the assembly to colour my opinions of you unfairly throughout our acquaintance. Might I consider your request to court me and give you an answer tomorrow?"
"I would be happy to walk again with you tomorrow, and any other day you would allow me to do so. Please, take as much time as you need to answer – I would prefer to leave a better impression than I have currently. Besides, it would be best if my aunt were not aware of any understandings between us before you leave for London," Darcy said, then, again, sighed before continuing. "My aunt refuses to listen to any opinion besides her own in regard to my marriage to her daughter. Neither Anne nor I desire to wed the other; Anne because she prefers to never wed, and, well, I, um, prefer another, obviously." He coloured as he said the last. "Aunt Catherine will be livid when I announce an engagement to anyone other than Anne. I would ask that you not mention my request at the parsonage for now so it will not accidentally get back to her until things are more certain between us."
"I can agree to that," Elizabeth said. "I will not write of it to Jane either. There have been a few instances since I arrived where I have wondered whether Mr Collins has been reading my mail."
Darcy scowled at the comment regarding Mr Collins. "How is your sister enjoying spring in Hertfordshire?" Mr Darcy asked, changing the topic to what he hoped would be a more pleasant one.
"She is in London, sir, and has been rather disappointed," Elizabeth's voice was sharper as she recalled how disappointed Jane was still at the loss of Mr Bingley's company.
"Disappointed?" he asked.
"Yes, Jane visited Miss Bingley briefly when she first arrived in town, but those two ladies claimed to have an appointment, and Jane was not able to stay long. They waited three weeks to return the call and only stayed a few minutes, making it obvious how displeased they were to be calling. Jane believes the connection severed after their behaviour and has made no additional attempts to visit them. She is disappointed because she believed Mr Bingley cared for her as much as she did for him," Elizabeth explained.
Darcy paled slightly. "She cared for him?"
"Yes," Elizabeth said, eyeing him carefully and wondering what about that made him pale.
"Then I am very sorry for her, for Bingley will not marry her," Darcy said, then hurried to explain when he saw the anger in Elizabeth's eyes. "It has nothing to do with her and entirely to do with him and his family. Bingley is betrothed and has been for some time. It is not widely known because the girl is not yet out. His father and hers made the match several years ago and signed the settlements on their behalf. I am aware of it because I knew Bingley when the arrangements were made and tried to warn him against the match. It did not make sense for him to engage himself when neither would be prepared to marry for several years.
"On several occasions, I have warned him to be careful and not raise expectations, but he is personable and, quite frankly, a bit of a flirt. I did this while staying at Netherfield, but it was not until the ball that I realized nearly the entire neighbourhood was anticipating a betrothal between your sister and Bingley. I pulled him aside at the ball and suggested he take his leave of the families in the area before departing for the holiday season to allow talk to die down. I also encouraged him to at least subtly hint to your sister at his betrothal after the attention he paid. However, I did not think her heart touched and believed she would easily recover."
Elizabeth's eyes flashed with anger. "I would not have expected it of him given his openness and amiability," she said. "He has used my sister very ill. May I tell her of his betrothal to see if it will ease her heartbreak?"
"I am not certain, Miss Bennet," he replied slowly. "I have broken a confidence to tell you, but perhaps it would be best if she knew. It may help your sister to know he is promised elsewhere and could not break that attachment. However, to be completely honest, Bingley has broken faith with more than just your sister, so mayhap I should not feel so badly to have broken a promise to him."
She eyed him cautiously. "Whatever do you mean, sir?"
A pained expression crossed his face. "I have not laid eyes on Bingley since we left Netherfield. When I returned to my room just after the ball ended, my valet informed me he overheard a conversation between two maids that Bingley and his sister intended to compromise me that night. Confronting my former friend about their treacherous intentions, I returned to my room, only to find Miss Bingley attempting to barge in, berating my valet for obstructing her way. Bingley trailed behind, insisting that I marry her, a proposition I unequivocally rejected. I promptly left, and the following day, my valet departed with my belongings, ensuring the staff knew I hadn't spent the night there.
"The way Miss Bingley treats the household staff has earned her no loyalty, so they readily corroborated my account of the incident. Since then, Bingley has made a few attempts to contact me, and his sister has tried reaching out to my sister as well. However, my servants have been instructed to deny them entry to my residences. Eventually, Bingley sent a letter attempting to explain himself, which I did read, though I chose not to respond."
Elizabeth looked at him aghast. "But I believed him to be your friend!"
"I did as well, Miss Elizabeth," Darcy agreed sadly. "However, I have come to realise he is more avaricious than I had considered. He and his sister planned to trap me into marriage to hide that her dowry is nearly gone. He hoped I would overlook the compromise and accept her without her dowry because of our friendship, even though I have told him for years I would not marry her for any reason."
"How could it be gone?" Elizabeth cried. "She spoke frequently of her dowry of twenty thousand pounds."
"She constantly overspends her allowance, and I have heard whispers that Bingley has begun gambling frequently. I do not know when that began, but I have made a habit of avoiding places where men are drawn into such vices and tend to avoid those who gamble heavily. I was unaware that Bingley had joined in with that sort of vice, although there were a few indications of it while I resided with him at Netherfield," Darcy explained.
"Then I am glad Jane will not marry him," she said heatedly before her face turned downcast. "That is two men I have met recently who appeared to be everything good but whose appearance of goodness hides a black heart. I am very sorry to have misjudged you, especially as it appears I have been completely wrong in several instances. I have been accused before of putting too much faith into appearances and first impressions." Elizabeth paused and drew in a breath. "Mr Darcy, I have decided I would like to accept your offer of courtship. I will ask my aunt and uncle to let me stay with them in London for a few weeks after I return. I will have to ask my father for permission as well, but I do not think he will protest too much."
"Since you are concerned about your mail being read at the parsonage, if you would give me your notes tomorrow morning, I will see them posted for you," he offered. "I promise not to read your letters, and you could make the arrangements before you leave. If you like, you can have them send their replies to me so we do not risk exposure at the parsonage."
"I will give you notes to send to my father, Jane, and my uncle, and I will request they not mention anything directly in their response," Elizabeth said. "Just as you prefer your aunt not to find out yet, I prefer my mother not to know anything until things are more settled. Mama was terribly upset when I refused Mr Collins's offer last autumn and was equally upset when Mr Bingley and his company departed Netherfield without a word. She would be tempted to throw me off entirely if nothing were to result from our courtship. In her mind, my refusing the heir of Longbourn was a terrible offence, and if I do not 'secure' you, who is worth infinitely more, she would never let me hear the end of it. My mother values wealth more than substance, but I assure you, that is not the case for me."
"Mr Collins proposed to you?" Darcy asked incredulously.
"Is it so surprising that another man would propose to me?" Elizabeth responded, her brow arched in challenge.
"It would not have been a good marriage, Elizabeth. I cannot imagine that you encouraged him, nor can I imagine you marrying such a man. I am sorry to say that my aunt surrounds herself with people who kowtow to her every demand, and you could not have been happy married to such a person as that. Nor could I imagine you complying with her every demand and whim, which would have made your existence here difficult, to say the least," he replied seriously, but then his lips curved into a slight grin. "I believe marriage to Mr Collins and being under the thumb of my aunt would have made you either commit murder or become bound for Bedlam."
She laughed, amazed to discover Mr Darcy was capable of teasing. "I believe you are correct, sir. I did refuse his proposal, although I had to do so multiple times before he would believe me, and afterwards, he still applied to my father to overrule me. Thankfully, Papa supported my refusal, although Mama still bemoans the loss. She threatens not to support me when she is 'thrown into the hedgerows' upon my father's passing."
"Is your father in ill health?" Darcy asked, worried for her.
"Not at all, Mr Darcy; he is in excellent health. Mama simply does not understand the entail and believes it is unfair and perhaps unlawful, and is convinced that Mr Collins will toss us all out immediately upon inheriting," Elizabeth explained. "She viewed my marriage to the heir as her salvation. Because I refused him, she is even more convinced he will toss us out as retribution for his injured pride; The man simply could not imagine anyone turning down such an eligible prospect as he."
"Did she not consider how miserable you would have been in such a situation?" he asked again.
"That is of little importance in her mind, sir. I hate to speak ill of anyone, least of all my own mother, but I must admit that she is of mean understanding and thinks of little beyond her own comfort. I am also her least favourite child and the least understood, so it seemed fitting to her to toss me to the wolves, so to speak, to procure her own eventual comfort," Elizabeth replied. There was a mixture of her typical archness and sadness in her tone. "My happiness would have meant little if she could always remain at Longbourn. She does not realise that had she forced me into a marriage with such a man, I would have been tempted to toss her into the hedgerows myself upon my father's passing."
Darcy was quiet for several moments considering all she had said. Finally, he spoke, caution tingeing his words. "May I ask a question without offending?" he inquired. "I want to know something, but I am not certain how to word it without potentially upsetting you."
"How did I end up so very different from my mother?" she asked with a lift of her eyebrow. His eyes widened in surprise, but he nodded sheepishly. She laughed at his expression.
"It is a simple enough explanation," she explained. "Papa educated me as he would a son. I have read most of the books in his library, and I manage Longbourn. I speak with the tenants and the steward and handle most of the issues, only occasionally do I have to ask Papa's advice or permission. He is, quite frankly, rather indolent and prefers to spend time reading in his book room. I have also spent considerable time with my aunt and uncle in London. They exposed me to a broader culture than we have in Meryton and allowed me to see and experience a different type of home life. Unlike my parents, who often struggle to find common ground, they not only genuinely like each other but also share a deep and profound love. They are the example I seek to emulate in my own future marriage. Sadly, I am uncertain if my own parents even like each other most of the time, and their love for each other seems to have dwindled over the years if it ever existed."
"It is interesting how you speak both of liking and loving each other," Darcy said. "Can you explain what you mean by that?"
"We can love people without necessarily liking them," she explained. "I love my sister Lydia because of our familial bond, and I genuinely want the best for her. However, I must admit that most of the time, I find it challenging to genuinely like her. Our interests and values are very dissimilar, making it difficult to connect on a deeper level. Lydia's silly and undisciplined nature worries me, as I fear it could have detrimental consequences for herself and for our family if left unchecked."
Darcy nodded. "That makes sense," he replied thoughtfully.
Copyright 2023 by Melissa Anne