So… just a head's up. The next few chapters will have a few sad and slightly dramatic parts. Joshua's storyline is unfolding and while I already toned it down a lot from my first draft, he will still be going through quite a bit of a situation and so will Missy.
The next chapter will be taking place in Pasadena, and there will be a few very serious conversations. I am not sure if I will manage to have it all in one chapter or if it will be two.
Anyway, when all of this is done, Sheldon and Amy will very quickly be heading towards their wedding, and then, before all the other storylines continue, there will be at least one, maybe two honeymoon chapters with… *cough* not very much plot.
I am not yet sure if I can keep up with my schedule over the next few weeks. I know I have been saying that a lot and somehow, it always worked out. But the new schoolyear is starting in a bit ore than a week, for me and for my children, and I don't know yet how stressful it will be, considering that we just moved, and all children are starting at new places with new hobbies and schedules. I am doing my best and I know many of you have expressed very often that there is no pressure to update (which I appreciate very much), but I still want to tell you, mainly because I am usually a very organized person and I hate diverting from any schedules. So, if there won't be an update on some weeks, rest assured that this story is (almost) finished on my computer and that I will keep posting it as regularly as possible.
Here you are, owner of my heart
Just the way that love should be
And there is something I must say to you
If you promise to believe
That it's you I′m living for
And, I could not love you more
Balancing Heaven and Earth
Chapter 16 – "I could not love you more"
Sheldon's POV:
Three weeks had passed since their emotional conversation at meemaw's grave and during those three weeks, Sheldon could not have been happier.
The new year had started out so beautifully.
It felt so good, knowing that, finally, there were no more secrets between him and Amy.
And at last, after all this time, they were ready to really dive into the topic on how to spend their future.
They had it all written down on two of his whiteboards. All the variables of the beautiful equation that would lead them into the best possible future. With all the pros and cons.
Amy had been in contact with several universities in East Texas. They all had been more than willing to hire her, which, he guessed, was one step into the right direction. But as they had anticipated, none of them were able to offer Amy the research she wanted to do.
Just to explore all the options, Amy had reached out to other, more distinguished universities across the country as well. It had come as no surprise that most of them would have been thrilled to employ Dr. Amy Farrah Fowler, and two universities had also expressed interest in listening to Amy's ideas on how to support young female scientists.
The only problem was… they were nowhere close to Medford. And, as Amy put it, if they had to move to a different region in Texas or to another state altogether anyway, they could just as well be starting over somewhere in California where at least he already had an established job.
But at the very least, those two offers were something to bargain with at their scheduled meeting with President Siebert, which would be taking place during Spring Break.
So, next to finding a career option for Amy close to Medford, this was their second approach. Forming a plan on what to ask from Siebert, and if they would like his answer, maybe they would be looking at houses in the San Gabriel Valley next.
It was not ideal either. The thought of leaving meemaw's house behind was making them both sad. And to Sheldon, it all sounded like much more change than he would like.
If he really had to leave, it would have been so much easier for him to just move back into his old apartment. Get back to his old routines. The comic book store. The restaurants he knew. The friends he loved.
But – and that had not been easy – Sheldon had very slowly been able to say goodbye to this idea.
For once because everything he had told Amy three weeks ago had been the truth. He did not want to just integrate her into his old life. He wanted a life together with her. On both their terms.
But also, because the longer he kept living here in Medford, the lesser he could imagine going back to living in a large apartment complex in the middle of a big city. He had come to love the peacefulness of this small town. He had come to love not hearing the steps of his neighbors upstairs. And most of all, he had come to love to just go out the front door and start walking. And not being in the proximity of countless of strangers who could be carrying all kinds of germs.
He was not sure if they would be able to find the ideal place that had everything they were looking for. But it was fun to gauge all the different options. To sit on the couch with Amy and dream up scenarios for their future.
To wake up in the morning, looking at her while she was sleeping next to him and trying to imagine all the different places, they could be waking up together a year from now.
It was an exciting time. The world was laying open in front of them and he couldn't wait to take the next step with the woman he loved.
His heart felt lighter than it had in months.
Just like today.
It was a beautiful Sunday, and like so often, Amy and he had decided to invite Joshua and Ellis out for a fun day at the zoo.
To give his sister a much-needed day to herself, but also to cheer up his little nephew.
Joshua had seemed sadder than usual ever since school had started again.
Sheldon was not entirely sure why that was the case. Granted, his sister had mentioned a few things like birthday parties he had not been invited to or having to spend recess by himself.
Sheldon had never liked birthday parties though and he had always preferred spending recess by himself, so he did not fully understand the problem.
Amy had told him that the little boy was lonely, something he guessed he could understand to a certain degree.
But today, there was no sign of loneliness or unhappiness as the boy dragged Sheldon from enclosure to enclosure, while Amy followed close behind, pushing Ellis's stroller.
Joshua was exuding joy and excitement and – at least to Sheldon's eyes – did not seem any different from the little boy he had come to love over the past year.
He was sweet and polite. Full of energy. Smart as a whip.
He asked so many thoughtful questions about the different animals and soaked up all the information he and Amy gave him.
How was it possible that this extraordinary little boy had so much trouble making friends at school?
"I'm hungry.", Joshua said, just as they were watching the monkeys, so their next destination was the little restaurant in the middle of the zoo.
After the two children's bellies were filled with fries and chicken nuggets, Joshua discovered the playground close by. Ellis had fallen asleep in her stroller, which meant that Sheldon and Amy finally had a few minutes to themselves.
"You are really great with him.", Amy told him as she handed him a bottle of Iced Tea before they sat down on a bench, where they could watch the boy.
"So are you.", he said and looked at her lovingly. "With him and with Ellis."
He meant it. Amy was so patient with his sister's children. It was plain to see that both kids loved their Auntie very much.
"Oh well…", she said and blushed. "I love spending time with them. They are easy to get along with. Your nephew is a great kid, Sheldon."
"He is.", he agreed.
His phone started ringing.
"It's Leonard.", he explained to Amy. "I should get that."
Amy nodded in understanding, although Sheldon noticed that she looked a little sad.
Sheldon knew, she had not talked to any of his friends since finding out their role in keeping things from her.
Once, he had dared to bring it up with her, when Penny had texted him, asking if Amy was sick because she had not answered their facetime call for girl's night.
"I don't really feel like gossiping with them or hearing about their lives right now, Sheldon.", she had explained, a wave of hurt and sadness visible in her eyes.
"I see.", he had nodded. "Do you think… this will change again eventually?"
He had not meant to push the subject. Amy was mad at them. And probably rightfully so. Just as she had been rightfully mad at him too.
But she had forgiven him. And part of him wondered why she didn't even want to talk to Penny and Bernadette about it.
She had just sighed.
"I know they are your friends, Sheldon and you want us to get along. Don't worry. I can be civil with them."
"But… do you not want them to be your friends as well?"
"That depends.", she had muttered.
"On what?"
"On how our next conversation is going to go.", she had answered simply.
She had not wanted to talk about it any further, so he had let the topic go reluctantly.
A knot had formed in his stomach then.
He had really managed to ruin a lot with his actions. And even though he had no doubt that Amy would never keep him from his friends, a part of him really wanted them to be her friends as well.
He snapped out of his thoughts as he answered Leonard's call.
It turned out, Leonard and Howard were watching all the kids this morning while Bernadette and Penny were out for brunch, and the two men had gotten into an argument they needed him to settle.
"What kind of question is that, Leonard? Of course Wonder Woman would win a fight against Black Widow. The latter might have superior battle skills, but Wonder Woman's strength is unmatched and if she swings her lasso of truth, she can make Black Widow tell her exactly what her next move would be."
Really, those guys would be completely lost without him.
"Thanks, Sheldon. Oh, and Penny would like to know if Amy's up for virtual girl's night next Wednesday. She and Bernadette were thinking of maybe making it a book club this time and they were wondering if Amy wanted to choose a book for it."
A book club? Penny actually wanted to read a book? Should he be checking the sky for flying pigs next?
"No offense, Leonard. But I do not believe that Penny would be able to grasp the contents of a book that Amy would choose. Also… where is this coming from? Girl's night usually means having drinks and… arguing about who of us guys has the most appealing genitals. Doesn't it?"
Leonard sighed deeply.
"You know what's going on, Sheldon. Penny is feeling terrible about what happened, and she is looking for a way to connect with Amy again. She really misses her and would like to get a chance to apologize."
Sheldon smiled sadly.
"Look, Leonard. Amy is not ready to talk to Penny or Bernadette yet. Once she is, she will call them. I caused her enough pain. I'm… not getting involved in this."
There was a long pause on the other line. And then a big sigh.
"I understand."
"Bye, Leonard.", he said remorsefully, before he ended the call and turned back to his fiancée.
She had gotten up and was now pushing Joshua on the swing.
He stopped for a second to view that image. Something seemed to tug at his heart as he watched her with his nephew.
The boy was giggling and urging Amy on to push the swing even higher while she was pretending to be worried, he could be flying right to the moon.
Oh, dear Lord, he was slowly losing his mind with this woman.
It seemed he was obsessed with the thought of having a child with her. He kept dreaming about it. About family breakfasts and board game nights. First days of school and trips to the aquarium. He couldn't wait for this phase of his life to begin.
"So, is everything alright with your friends?", Amy asked him as he approached her.
"Of course.", he nodded. "Although… for full disclosure… Penny was asking about you."
A painful expression formed on Amy's face.
"I will call her. Soon.", she promised.
"That's up to you.", he said carefully.
"I have to.", she said. "If I don't… things will be really awkward when we're there during Spring Break."
"Where will you two be during Spring Break?", Joshua asked and turned his head on the swing.
"Nowhere special.", Amy told him. "Your Uncle Shelly and I are going to visit his friends in Pasadena."
"The ones who were here a few weeks back?", the boy implored.
"Exactly.", he nodded.
"Can I come with you?", he asked excitedly. "Halley said she has a playhouse in her yard. I want to play there with her."
Amy seemed to be grasping for an answer. She looked at Sheldon for help.
"That's not a good idea, Joshua.", he said quickly. "Maybe another time. But we will be very busy that week."
"Busy?", he asked. "With what?"
"Well, I will be working. And Aunt Amy has an important meeting lined up to talk about a possible job. Besides, I am sure your mother already has plans with you."
"Drats.", the boy exclaimed.
He was silent for a while, then he turned to them again.
"Aunt Amy, why do have a meeting about a job? Aren't you a teacher? Mom always used to say that you might one day be my science teacher."
Sheldon reprimanded himself as he tried to think of an answer.
Why did he have to mention this?
Suddenly, the boy jumped off the swing and turned around to them.
"You are never going to be my science teacher, are you?", he said to Amy. He sounded upset.
"I… I don't… know.", Amy stuttered. "It's still possible. But… your Uncle Shelly and I are… thinking about a few things…"
"You two are moving away to California.", the boy whispered. Tears started forming in his eyes.
Sheldon could only stare at him. A minute ago, he was the happiest little kid. How could his mood change this fast.
"That's not… what I was saying.", he stuttered. "It's just… a meeting."
Sheldon's heart broke a little with the way Joshua was looking at him.
But the boy did not say another word about it and turned away instead.
"I'm done playing here.", he muttered. "Can we go look at the rest of the animals?"
"Joshi, please wait.", Amy said as she followed the little boy. "We have not decided on anything yet. It's still very much possible that we…"
"I want to go see the other animals.", Joshua repeated.
Amy looked at Sheldon helplessly.
"Sure.", he said hesitantly. "But how about we go get some ice cream first? For on the way?"
"No thanks.", Joshua mumbled. "I'm not in the mood for ice cream."
That was strange. Sheldon did not know much about children, but he did know they were usually always in the mood for ice cream.
Hell, he was in the mood for ice cream himself. But Joshua had already walked a few steps ahead and Amy was following him, so he guessed that was not happening.
Sighing, he took hold of Ellis's stroller and went after them.
The rest of the day, the atmosphere was much different to what it had been like in the morning. Like someone flipped a switch on his nephew's back.
Joshua barely spoke a word as they went to look at more animals, and Amy and he exchanged worried looks more than once.
Sheldon kept scolding himself.
It had been such a nice day. A much-needed day for the little boy. And he had to go and ruin it.
If only there were something he could do or say to make things better again.
Maybe they should have just gone to the train store instead.
At last, they finally arrived at the koalas.
"Look, we're in luck. They are awake!", Amy told him and pointed at a tree.
Sheldon did not know about Joshua, but at least he himself felt better instantly.
A big koala was climbing up a tree with a baby koala on her back. It was just so incredibly cute. He could just stay here and watch for hours.
"Do you see that, Joshua?", he asked happily. He had taken the boy to the zoo so often, but the koalas had always been sleeping.
"Yes.", the boy replied stoically. "Nice."
"Nice?", Sheldon exclaimed. "Joshua, do you realize how rare that is? Koalas sleep twenty hours a day. Have you even ever seen one awake?"
Joshua shrugged. "You watched that documentary about koalas with me once, remember? Now can we go home? I want to watch TV. I am bored."
"Bored?", Sheldon exclaimed. "Do you even realize…"
Suddenly, he could feel Amy's hand clasping his arm.
"Let it go, Sheldon…", she whispered.
He looked at her incredulously.
"I will not.", he insisted and turned at his nephew. "Joshua, I don't know what's going on with you. I have never seen you act so…"
"Sheldon, stop it.", Amy whispered.
"Bratty.", he finished his sentence, nonetheless.
For a second, it looked as if Joshua wanted to say something in return, but then he just shrugged and turned away.
"Whatever.", he muttered.
Sheldon gaped at Amy and she squeezed his arm.
"He's hurting.", she mouthed. "Leave him be."
And maybe Amy was right. She usually was about these kinds of things. Did the thought of him and Amy moving away really affect his nephew this much? Was that why he was acting this way?
"I'm sorry, Joshua.", he said softly. "I know you are scared that things are about to change. But they won't. At least not right now. Maybe not ever. There is simply no reason to let this ruin this beautiful day."
Joshua looked at him seriously, his blue eyes sad and full of pain, so much, it made Sheldon's stomach churn.
"Joshi…", he whispered.
"I get it.", the little boy said tonelessly. "I would leave too if I could."
"What?", he croaked.
"I want to leave too.", the boy repeated. "So, if you move away… can you take me with you?"
Sheldon's eyes widened and he looked at Amy, hoping she would know how to answer that.
"Joshua, you do not mean that.", Amy said softly. "If we ever leave, you are of course welcome to visit us as often as you want. But you belong with your mother. In Medford."
"But… I hate it here.", the Joshua breathed out. "I hate everything. Mom is always sad, and grandma is always busy with Ellis. The other kids at school hate me and if you leave too, then I won't have anyone around anymore."
A sob escaped his throat.
Sheldon couldn't take it anymore. He squatted down so he was at eye-level with the child.
"I had no idea you felt this way.", he said concerned. "I just… wish there was something I could do."
"There is. You can move far away and take me with you.", Joshua repeated.
Sheldon's mind was working in overdrive. He wished he could think of something… anything… he could do or say right now.
"Do you know what it's like?", Joshua asked as tears started gathering in his eyes. "To be the only boy in class who was able to read fluently before first grade? The only one who is not good at sports? The only one who… does not have a father?"
"Joshi…", Sheldon croaked and tried to pull the child into his arms, but he resisted and started shouting.
"Do you know how it feels like, when everyone in your class tells you, your father did not want you because you are weird? And that your mother is a whore who drove your stepfather to prison? And that she probably never wanted you either because there is something wrong with you."
"They said that?", Sheldon asked, baffled. "About your mother? And your father? Joshua, you know this is not true, right? None of this is true. You are an exceptional little boy. And your mother loves you very much. We all do."
"Your uncle is right, Joshua.", Amy told him and put an arm around the little boy. "Nothing that has happened had anything to do with you."
"I will talk to the principal about this.", Sheldon decided. "This is infuriating. This has to stop."
"I don't want you to talk to anyone. I can handle it myself.", Joshua protested.
"You should not have to.", Sheldon argued. "Joshua, this is not okay. Let me help you."
"Why would I want you to help me?", Joshua yelled. "You are not my father. And you are leaving me. Just… go. And forget about me. I hate you."
With that, Joshua turned around and ran away. Amy ran after him, and Sheldon stood there flabbergasted.
"No…", he whispered and sat down on the bench.
Ellis had woken up from the commotion and asked for her water bottle, which Sheldon handed her absentmindedly.
He did not understand. What had just happened?
He did not know what was worse. The fact that his nephew was taunted at school. The things that were said about Missy. Or those painful words he had just heard.
His phone buzzed. "It's all good. We're at the car. Just come when you're ready."
He took a deep breath and started walking.
When he entered the parking lot, he saw that Amy was crouching down beside Joshua and holding him. It looked like they were talking, but once Sheldon came closer, the conversation stopped.
Amy looked at him apologetically as Joshua climbed into the backseat of the car.
"He'll be okay.", she said softly and put a hand on his shoulder as he was putting Ellis into her car seat. "And he did not mean what he said to you."
"I know.", Sheldon admitted. "But that does not make it any less painful."
"Give him some time.", she told him. "It'll all be better tomorrow."
"I am horrible at this.", Sheldon breathed out. "I should have listened to you. And… I should have never brought up California."
Amy shook her head.
"This conversation might have been painful, but at least now we all know more than we did before. Could you text Missy on the way? I think she should know what has been going on at school."
"Okay.", he croaked.
He still felt like crap.
"Hey…", she said and wrapped her arms around his torso. "I know you are feeling bad about all of this. But I think this was good for Joshua. He finally started speaking about what he was going through all this time. Now we can help him. Things can only get better from here on. And that is because of you."
He finally hugged her back. It were times like these when he was reminded of what Amy's presence meant for his life.
"I love you for trying to make me feel better.", he whispered into his ear.
"I love you too.", she said and kissed his cheek. "And what do you say, do you want to play some video games with me later tonight?"
"Hmmm…", he nuzzled into her hair. "Now you're just coddling me."
"Maybe.", she admitted.
He chuckled. It was remarkable how Amy always managed to lessen his pain.
"Video games it is.", he agreed.
The car ride was nothing like the one they had in the morning.
Joshua did not say a word and when Sheldon looked at him through the rearview mirror, he felt guilty because of how distraught the child looked.
As soon as they had arrived at their house, the little boy opened the car door and ran across the street without even saying good-bye.
Sheldon went into the house and started the tea kettle. Amy got Ellis out of the car seat and brought her home and once she returned, they sat down together at the kitchen table like so often before.
Amy kept trying to talk to him, but Sheldon was not in the mood. He was shaken up and did not know where to begin to talk about what had happened.
So, he just grasped Amy's hand with his and enjoyed her presence while sitting there silently, until, almost an hour later, there was a knock at the front door.
"Hey.", Missy said quietly as she came inside. "Joshi told me what happened. I want to apologize for his behavior."
"It's fine.", Sheldon said, even though he did not feel fine. But this was about much more than the boy's behavior. "How is he?"
Missy sighed deeply.
"He was very upset. And even if he did not want to admit it, he feels guilty about what he said to you, Shelly. He did not mean it. At all. He loves you so much. He was just sad at the prospect of you two maybe not staying here forever."
Missy looked distraught herself as she said that last sentence.
"We have not made a decision yet, Missy.", he told her, another pang of guilt in his chest. "We are only exploring our options."
"I understand.", she nodded, although she did not look much happier.
"Missy… has Joshua told you what has been happening at school?"
Missy frowned.
"Yes.", she admitted. "And… I will make an appointment with the principal next week."
Sheldon nodded in agreement. It was high time the school did something against this constant bullying.
"Do you think… the things those children said about you are connected to the messages you have been receiving?", Amy asked quietly.
Sheldon gasped. He hadn't even thought about that possibility.
"I haven't received a message since before Christmas.", Missy shrugged. "But I will make sure to mention it to the principal."
"Well, that's the best news I heard today.", Amy said and smiled weakly.
Sheldon agreed wholeheartedly. Could he dare to hope that this was a sign that all this terror would stop someday soon?
"I don't know what happened.", Missy sighed. "Joshua was always such a happy boy. He had so many friends in preschool. But ever since…"
Sheldon shook his head sadly.
Ever since Robbie. That was what Missy was going to say. They all knew it.
"It's outrageous.", he said bitterly. "Everyone knows what that man did to you. You suffered so much. And so did Joshua. It should be over by now. All of it."
"Well… you know that Robbie had many friends here in Medford.", Missy sighed. "He was a master at pretending to be this great guy. And I… am a divorced mother of two little children. So, I guess it's easier for some people to think I was the one to blame. That I did something to bring this treatment onto myself. This does not shock me. But it is horrible that it affects Joshua. How can those people discuss these things in front of their children?"
"Oh, Missy…", Amy said and grasped her hand. "I am so sorry this is happening."
"Joshua wants me to call his father.", Missy said quickly, maybe to change the subject.
"What?", Amy exclaimed. "You mean Harvey?"
Missy nodded and took a large gulp of her tea.
"He has never asked about him before. But he said… he wants to know his real father. And… I don't know what to do."
Sheldon's heart sank.
I hate you.
You are not my father.
He had an idea why Joshua made this request on this day out of all days.
"Maybe you should try to contact him.", he said sadly. "Joshua clearly misses him."
"No, she should not.", Amy protested. "That man has let her down time and time again. And he left her when she was pregnant. He's the reason why Missy fell for Robbie in the first place. He does not deserve to be Joshua's father."
Sheldon could only stare at her. Very rarely had he experienced Amy talking about anyone this angrily.
"You're right.", he heard Missy say. "He does not. And if I called him, he'd probably tell me he's not interested anyway. But… Joshua asked and… I don't know… don't I owe it to him to try at least?"
"I don't know if that's a good idea, Missy.", Amy repeated. "Joshua is already in such a fragile state. And Harvey is not a reliable person, we all know that."
"That's true.", Missy conceded. "But… it has been three years. Maybe I could call him once and try to talk to him. And if he does not answer or if he's uninterested, then at least I have tried. I don't want to deprive Joshua of having a father."
The twins shared a pained smile.
He knew they were thinking the same thing.
They both knew what it was like to lose their father. And as imperfect as he had been, they both would do anything, literally anything for the chance of getting to see their own father again.
"And if he does answer…", Sheldon added. "We will all be here to make sure he won't turn Joshua's world upside down."
Missy checked her watch then.
"I have to get home.", she said regretfully. "Mom needs to leave for bible study soon."
Sheldon and Amy accompanied her to the door.
She turned around and looked at them seriously.
"Please do not let today influence your decision.", she said in a small voice. "If you two have to leave Medford, then we will understand. We will miss you both. Very much. But we'll be fine. I promise. You need to do what is best for you two."
She did not wait for an answer but strode towards the door and quickly made her way across the street.
Sheldon excused himself to bed a little later. It was way before his bedtime, but he needed this confusing day to be over already.
He should not have been surprised, when Amy joined him in bed only half an hour later."
Hey.", she said softly as she scooted up close to him under the sheets. "Are you okay?"
He took a deep breath and turned on his side to look at her.
He wanted to say yes. But he could not.
So, he just shook his head.
He was not okay. Although he couldn't even begin to find the words to explain what was going on with him.
"Joshua does not hate you. You know that.", she said as she soothingly stroked his back. "He loves you. You are so important to him."
"I do know that.", he nodded. "Still, hearing him say that… and learning what he's going through… hurt. Very much."
"Of course it did.", she said. "You love that kid almost like a son."
"I do. And… I am worried about him. He is going through so much. It's hard, seeing him struggle like that. And… I cannot help but feel guilty."
"Because we are thinking of leaving Medford."
"Yes.", he all but whispered. "I never thought about what this could mean for him. And for Missy. And now that I did… I just… want them to be okay."
"It's only natural, Sheldon.", she told him. "You've been taking care of your sister for more than a year. And you took on so much responsibility for your nephew. Of course you want them to be okay. As do I."
He bit his lower lip.
"Amy… I've been thinking.", he said hesitantly. "About our equation. For our future."
She nodded. "I thought you might say that. And I agree."
"Yeah?", he asked surprised. Did she already know what he was going to say?
"We said that…", she started and swallowed deeply. "That the only constant was us being together. And that everything else is negotiable. Which is still true in a way. But we do need to consider Missy too, no matter what she just said. Missy and her children."
He could feel a big weight being lifted off his shoulder.
"Are you willing to do that? Consider them in our future plans? Even if it might make them more complicated?"
"Missy is not just your twin sister, Sheldon. She is also my best friend.", she reminded him. "She has been through hell and back and she is still a long way from her old self. You heard what Joshua said about her being sad all the time. Also, Joshua needs you in his life. You are the only positive male role model he has."
"He has been asking about his father.", he pointed out. "I might not be his male role model for much longer."
He did not like the thought of being less important to his nephew. But he also wanted what was best for the little boy.
"Harvey?", she almost spat out. "I don't have much hope that he will make anything better for his son."
"You're probably right.", he shrugged. "But… what do we do now? Do you still want to spend Spring Break in Pasadena?"
"I think we should.", she nodded firmly. "If only to figure out what exactly our options are. It doesn't mean, we have to move there."
"I just… I do not like the thought of you giving up on an opportunity so we can take care of Missy.", he confessed. "But it also feels wrong to leave her behind and lose touch with her again."
"We would never forgive ourselves if she found herself in a bad place again while we're living more than a thousand miles away.", she added. "Our careers are important. That's why I think we should be meeting with Siebert to get a clear view of all our possibilities. But there are other, equally important things to consider."
In a fraction of a second, Sheldon was taken back a year, to all the times when he sat in this house with Amy, ranting about Robbie and worrying about Missy.
When Robbie was imprisoned for life, he had hoped that he would never have to worry about his sister again. But if he had to, he was grateful for the fact that he still got to share his worries with Amy.
There were so many things he loved about his fiancée. Her mind and her wit. Her passion for science. Her kindness and patience. But he had always loved her for the way she cared about the people she loved. And he was so moved by the fact that this included his family.
"We will find a way.", he promised and pulled her into his arms. "Whatever it takes. We will have the best possible future and we will be there for the people we love. We will figure this out."
"Of course we will.", she said and winked at him. "If anyone can solve this equation, it's us."
"Mhmm…", he hummed and brushed his lips against hers softly.
She moved closer to him and wrapped one arm around his shoulder. "Have I told you how much I love this?", she whispered. "No matter how our day went, just going to bed with you makes everything so much better."
He nuzzled her ear with his nose before he kissed her again, their lips molding over each other in a way that gave him goosebumps.
She was right. Ever since this had started… ending the day together in bed… he had been able to sleep so much better. Even on hard days. Because she was there, and nothing seemed really bad as long as he had her.
He was about to deepen the kiss, when he thought of something.
"Drats.", he exclaimed and moved his head away from hers.
She looked at him curiously.
"Did you just say drats?", she asked amused, raising her eyebrows.
"You promised me video games.", he exclaimed. "I cannot believe I passed on that. I am really not on top of my game today."
He could see her jaw drop as she blinked at him twice.
"Well…", she said and wiggled her eyebrows. "We can still get up and play. Or… we could stay here and… push some other buttons together."
He snickered. It was tempting. However…
"Seriously?", she asked flabbergasted. "You have to think about it?"
"I mean…", he said teasingly and let his fingers run over the front of her nightgown. "When is the last time you've offered to play video games with me? All the while, you allow me to do this quite frequently."
He pressed another kiss to her lips and squeezed her breast lightly.
"Oh really?", she asked and grinned at him. "So, you want me to do this less frequently in exchange for playing video games more often?"
She pushed her body into his and slipped a hand under his pajama top, squeezing his side as he ran her tongue over his lower lip.
He growled lowly.
"No…", he whispered into her mouth. "I never want you to stop doing this. But… but…"
He was unable to talk more. Amy's hands on his body just felt so good and he just had to kiss her. Deeply.
"We can always play video games tomorrow.", she said then, batting her eyelashes at him.
"That's what I was waiting to hear.", he muttered as he unbuttoned her nightgown.
His mouth moved over hers again hotly. His tongue brushing against hers over and over, and he could not get enough of her moans, as they helped each other get rid of their clothes.
"I love you.", he whispered between kisses as he let her hands roam over her naked form. "I love you so much. Everything… my whole life… is so much better because I have you."
"I love you too.", she murmured against his skin as he made him turn on his back and kissed his neck. "I love you so much and I hate it when you are hurting. I just… want to take it all away."
"You do.", he confessed as he touched her beautiful breasts and kissed her neck. "You always do."
And then they were out of words. The room filled with their breathy moans as they kept making each other crazy with their touches.
And when he turned them over and entered her while hooking on of her legs over his hip, his heart filled with pride for the way he made her scream out in pleasure.
He knew, she was the sole reason why he was not lonely anymore. Why he did not feel sad and hopeless. She had saved him from the darkness. From the pain and the desperation. From his nightmares.
And she kept saving him from it on every day since then.
Over and over, he pushed into her while whispering words of love into her ear.
She arched her back and her hands moved to his buttocks, and she dug his fingernails into his skin while she moved with him frantically.
"God, Sheldon…", she panted. "You are… driving me crazy… God, I love you so much. Please don't stop."
Why would he stop, he wondered for a second. He never wanted to stop. He never wanted to cease bringing her pleasure or seeing her like this.
He crashed his mouth against hers and swallowed her cries of pleasure as she fell apart beneath him.
It was phenomenal.
The way she squeezed his behind, probably leaving marks on his skin. The way she cried out his name. The way her walls were tightening around his length.
It was too much.
He fell over the edge, his eyes rolling back in his head. Like a wave, pleasure overtook him and for a second, the whole world around him disappeared, as he collapsed on top of her.
He was exhausted. And happy. And… oh, he had no words for it.
"Amy…", he whispered. "Oh, Amy…"
His lower lips trembled, overcome with love for her as she turned her head to place a sweet kiss on cheek.
He could feel her chest heaving against his. Her heartbeat was hammering against his skin.
It took all he had to lift himself up slightly so he could look at her.
She was always pretty but post-orgasmic Amy was a sight to behold. One he would never get tired to see.
Her messed up hair. Her red cheeks. But most of all the deep love in her eyes.
He had no words for how much he loved her.
But he intended to show her. On each day for the rest of their lives. No matter where they were or what they were doing.
He always wanted to be in love with her like this.
Raj's POV:
Humming to himself, Raj stood in the kitchen of apartment 4A, adding the finishing touches to his homemade coq au vin while pouring himself a glass of his favorite Pinot Noir.
He carried everything over to the coffee table with a swing in his step before he turned on the TV.
A smile spread on his face when his phone buzzed.
"The kids are finally asleep. About to start the movie. Are you ready?"
Just in time.
He put in the movie. His favorite one. And then, he hit the dial-button, put his phone on speaker and set it down on the table next to his food.
"I cannot believe you've never seen Princess Bride.", he exclaimed before she could even say hello.
There was a chuckle on the other line.
"Well, hello to you too, Raj."
He smiled.
"Hello, Missy. You're in for a treat today. Honestly, I wish I could be watching this movie for the first time."
He took the first bite of his dinner, just as they both pressed play at the same time.
For the next one hour and 38 minutes, they did not talk much, except the occasional comment on what was happening on screen.
It was not really necessary to have her on the phone during this, but he just wanted to hear the reactions of a person who was watching Princess Bride for the first time. And she had been nice enough to agree to this. Again.
Once the movie was finished, he took his phone with him to the kitchen as he cleaned up his empty plate and glass.
"So, what do you think?", he asked her curiously.
"Well…", she answered hesitantly. "I can see why it is your favorite. But… I preferred "The Lake House". There's just something about those two people who were separated by time but still connected somehow."
Raj nodded silently.
"That was a good movie too. So, have you decided on a movie for next week? It's your turn to pick."
"Actually… I am not entirely sure I will be able to make it next week. I'm meeting… my ex-husband. My kids' father."
"Oh.", Raj answered. "That's… good, I guess. So you were able to contact him."
He did not know, but he felt a weird sensation in his stomach.
She had told him a few days ago, how she was trying to contact the man, so Joshua could get to know him. But she had not expected her attempts to be successful.
"Yes. It wasn't that hard actually. He… uhm… apparently, he has settled down somewhere in Houston. With… his new girlfriend. And two dogs."
"Oh.", Raj repeated. The weird sensation was gone. But what was left was worry for his friend. "Are you… okay, Missy?"
"Yes. Why wouldn't I be?", she said quickly. "Harvey… sold his motorcycle and has taken on a steady job. I'm… happy for him."
"Missy…", he said softly.
He knew she was not fine. He could hear it in her voice. She sounded very differently when she was fine.
"He did not know about my second divorce, or he would have contacted me a long time ago. He said, he thought the kids and I had moved on to… better things… and he did not want to disrupt our lives. But… he wants to get to know them. He has even offered to pay child support. And… his girlfriend is excited to meet the kids as well. So… good news… I guess."
"Missy, how are you really feeling about it?", Raj asked her gently. "Because it is okay, if you don't only have positive feelings about this. No one would."
There was a huge sigh on the other line.
"I don't trust him.", she admitted. "He was in and out of Joshua's life for the first three years after he was born. He has never even met his daughter. I am afraid that he will get close to my son only to hurt him and that in the end, Joshua will be struggling even more than he is now. But… I don't want to keep my son from his father. It's just that… he wants to invite Joshua over to spend Spring Break with him and his girlfriend. And I don't know what to think of it."
"I understand.", Raj nodded. "It is not an easy situation. What do you think you will do?"
Raj really wanted to help. But he knew there were people that knew Missy and Joshua better than he did.
"I don't know…", Missy said hesitantly. "I feel, I have to allow him to see Joshua. Especially because Joshua has been asking about his father. But… I think we will be taking it slow. Harvey can visit his children here for a start. And then we will go from there. It's still almost two months until Spring Break. A lot can happen until then."
"That's a good plan.", Raj nodded as he put away the dishes. "You've got this, Missy. You are a great mother. Just trust your instincts."
There was a long pause and for a second, Raj started to think Missy had ended the call.
Until he heard something that almost sounded like a strangled sob.
"Thanks, Raj. This really means a lot.", his friend said on the other line. "I think… I am going to bed now. It's getting late and I have an appointment with Joshua's teacher tomorrow."
After he hung up the phone, Raj went to put on his pajamas and then retired to bed.
It was always so nice to talk to Missy. She really helped him take his mind off Amy and the fact that she was marrying Sheldon.
Although, now that he thought about it… he couldn't remember when he had last dreamed of Amy or thought of her in a romantic way.
He still thought she was amazing, especially after he had heard about how she had forgiven Sheldon for his ridiculous plan. He still liked to think about the night when she had come with him to his planetarium show. Their pleasant conversation and the way she had understood him.
She really was a great woman.
But… he did not dread seeing her or going to her wedding as much as he had just a few weeks ago. He did not picture himself standing at the end of the aisle, watching her walk towards him anymore.
He released a sigh of relief when he realized that his heart did not feel as heavy as it used to. The guilt he felt towards Sheldon was slowly vanishing.
It had finally happened. Enough time had passed, and he was slowly getting over the feelings that should have never existed in the first place.
It was true what they said.
Time really was the ultimate remedy.