FOURTY ONE - REGRETS?
Google said that the train would normally take around 3 days to get from Santa Monica to New York - I have no idea if that's right, but I'm basing this part of the story of that time frame :)
Rose sat on the train, nothing but her small bag and a coat with her. She was cold and exhausted, but she couldn't decide whether she had regrets. On the one hand, she would never forgive herself for leaving Jack, Teddy and Eliza. She was near enough Jack's wife and the children loved her as their Mum, and she'd just abandoned all 3 of them… the 3 people she loved more than anything in the world.
On the other hand, she believed her Mother was right. What did she know about being a parent? She believed she fitted in to Jack's way of life, but that didn't mean she had the ability to be a good Mother. Sure, Jack told her she was, but he would never tell her otherwise… it was clear Teddy saw her as a good - if not the best - mum, but he was 4, surely he would see anyone that showed him kindness as a good parent? The way Eliza would look at Rose and smile at her suggested she felt the same way as Teddy, but she wasn't even 1 yet, so again, she didn't really know what a mum was…
She held back tears, picturing how Jack must have felt that morning when he woke up and saw the note. How had he explained it to Teddy? Had he even explained it to Teddy yet? Did Jack look for her, or was he so angry with her that he didn't bother?
She had no idea what she would do when she arrived in New York. She hadn't been there since she disembarked the Titanic. She knew she would need to find somewhere to live and get a job as soon as she possibly could. She only had herself now.
Feeling cold, she put her hands in to her coat pocket, feeling something inside, she lifted it out. She felt deja vu to when she found the heart of the ocean in her pocket after the sinking of the Titanic, except this was much more valuable to her- it was a picture of her, Jack, Teddy and Eliza on Christmas Day- Jack holding Eliza on his knee as Rose held Teddy on hers. She wiped her eyes quickly as tears began to fall- she wouldn't let the picture be ruined by her emotions.
She wanted nothing more than to get a few hours sleep, to forget everything, but she couldn't- she was too guilt ridden for that. She sighed and rested her head against the window, just watching out the window as the train continued its journey.