Something is Wrong - Jessica POV

by Laurawritesfiction

This is a multi-chapter story. I wrote this one before the two other stories I have already posted, but still working to finish it. Jessica has a health scare after finishing her latest manuscript. There is no one she trusts more than Seth to take care of her. This is told from Jessica's POV, but in the first person, which is the style of the Murder, She Wrote books.

3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

I awakened several hours later, sobbing from a nightmare. It is dark in my room and I am disoriented. I can't remember when I woke up why I was having abdominal pain, and reached down to feel stitches. Turning to look at the other side of the bed, I remember Frank has been gone a long time and there never were any babies to hold. In seconds, the confusion starts to clear and I remember the last few days, even as I can still feel the pain and heartache of the dream. But then, I quickly return to the present as I hear Seth coming down the hall.

I must have cried out if he heard me from the guest room.

"Jess? What's wrong?"

"I'm fine, dear. Bad dream."

"I'm turning on the light to see you." The light beside the window and my reading chair comes on, momentarily making me blink in the brightness.

As he reaches out to wipe my face, I realize that there are still tears coming down, and I try to smile to convince Seth that I am alright.

He sits on the side of the bed.

"You want to tell me about it, Jess?"

"Not really." He looks hurt at my response, but I realize if he is going to be my husband, he needs to know. Especially since this nightmare has been a recurring one for many years, well before Frank died.

I squeeze his hand and whisper, "But I will tell you."

He nods, squeezing my hand back, letting me know he is listening.

"I know you know that I couldn't have children. But I have never told you before that I did get pregnant." His eyes grow big. "More than once."

"And you didn't think to tell me, as your doctor, two decades ago?" He asks quietly, not in condemnation, but more frustration and perhaps hurt, that there was something so personal that I had never had cause to share with him until now.

I pause to gather courage, even as I feel the tears continue to fall.

"Four times to be exact. The first two, we lost almost as soon as we knew I was pregnant. The third didn't have a heartbeat. But the fourth…the fourth was an ectopic pregnancy. One night I spiked a fever and was in pain, much like the other night. I started vomiting and bleeding heavily. It happened so fast. I became almost incoherent. Frank was beside himself and I was terrified. I knew even then that I would lose the baby. He carried me down the stairs to the car and took me to Portland where my doctor was. I had been seeing a specialist by then. On the way there, I passed out from the pain. And when I woke up…when I woke up, the baby was gone. The doctor said the tube had ruptured and I almost died in the middle of surgery. The specialist advised us that with all the scar tissue in my uterus due to the three prior D&Cs and then, the ectopic pregnancy and losing the tube on that side, it was in my best interest not to try again. So, with losing baby number four, any hope that we would have another one died with that baby. I suppose we could have continued to try despite the doctor's recommendation, but I was already in my mid-thirties by then, and we were both so scared that I wouldn't make it through if it happened again. And that was just from a physical aspect, not even considering the mental torment that we both went through. I was depressed for a long while after that, but then Frank and I decided we needed a new start and that's when we bought this house and moved to Cabot Cove."

"The nightmare was about losing the babies?"

"It's always about the ectopic pregnancy. The dream starts in the bathroom and there is blood everywhere. Then, the severe pain starts. Franks starts to yell in panic and things go dark and then, I wake up in the dream in the recovery area, being told by the nurse that I lost another baby, knowing that will be the last one. Frank is allowed later into my room and I see the pain in his eyes that I couldn't give him the most basic gift that a wife gives her husband. I know he never blamed me. But I blamed myself."

"So, that's why you are missing your fallopian tube on the right side," Seth says, almost to himself.

I look back at his eyes. "Yes."

"I saw that in surgery and wondered, but I didn't want to pry. I do wish you had told me before. If I had known, I would have verified long before now that you had another gynecologist after Hanson retired."

"Seth, will you stay in here the rest of the night and hold me? I know that may be asking a lot from our earlier conversation, but I promise I will behave."

He nods, turning the light off, as I pull back the sheets beside me and he climbs in, reaching his warm arms around me and kissing the top of my head.

"Jess?"

"Hmm?"

"Thank you for telling me. And I'm sorry. My first comment shouldn't have been about your medical history from over twenty years ago. I don't understand why some women can't have babies. I mean, I understand the science of it from a medical perspective of course, but not from a humanity sense. You would have made a wonderful mother and I am sorry that you did not get that opportunity. I'm sorry for Frank, too. But I knew Frank. And woman, he loved you more than anything. And babies or no babies, that never changed. In all the years I knew him, the way he looked at you never changed one iota. I can only hope that I love you as well as he did. Because you deserve it."

I can't help crying again. His words are a balm to my soul. I can't speak, so instead, I just reach to touch the side of his face, hoping to convey my love and appreciation by my touch. I fell asleep in his arms.

Two days later, Seth and I are in Portland to see Dr. Grant, another Harvard graduate, who Seth says specializes in post-menopausal health. I'm not sure I like the sound of that, but at the same time, I know that is where I am in life, so might as well see the doctor who can help me.

After getting into a gown and sitting on the hard cold examining table, with Seth standing beside me and holding my hand, she comes in and shakes both of our hands. She is probably late 40s, and likely not yet in menopause herself. Long blonde hair and a nice smile, I like her immediately, even if I do feel a bit self-conscious.

"Mrs. Fletcher, nice to meet you." Turning to Seth, "And you must be Dr. Hazlitt."

"Please, it's Seth."

"And I'm Victoria."

She turns to sit down on the stool and says, "Let's talk first. Now, Mrs. Fletcher, I should disclose that Dr. Hazlitt called me just before your surgery and we consulted on how best to proceed. I have reviewed the pathology report and your records and it looks like everything was very successful. How are you feeling?"

"I'm feeling better every day. Just wish I had a bit more energy. I'm hoping you will say I can get back to riding my bike soon."

She laughs, "I don't hear many patients say that. I wish I did. Now, I understand that you were previously a patient of Dr. Hanson's. Have you seen anybody since he retired?"

"No, I haven't."

Thankfully, she does not say anything further, although I sense that she has feelings about that just like Seth.

"How old were you when you reached menopause?"

"Fifty. Fifty-one or so."

She nods. "Any lingering symptoms or hormone medication that you take?"

"Occasional hot flash. Nothing too bad. And no, no hormones."

She makes a few notes and then asks, "Any children?"

I clear my throat as I feel Seth tighten his grip with my hand. I know where her questions are leading and I have never been so thankful that I have told him about my pregnancies as I am right now. He would have been so hurt if he had to hear it for the first time now.

"No children."

"Any pregnancies or abortions?"

"Four pregnancies. No abortions."

"I see. Did you have a D&C each time?"

"I did the first three times. The fourth was an ectopic pregnancy and I had emergency surgery."

"When was that?"

"Twenty-five years or so ago." I know the exact day, month, and year, as well as the day of the week and the time of day, but I can't bring myself to say it aloud after all these years. Besides, she just needs to know it happened. Give or take a year or two doesn't have any bearing on anything.

"Anything else I should know about your health, gynecological or otherwise?"

"I don't think so."

She finishes her notes and stands to wash her hands.

Coming to the table, she helps me lean back, moving to the opposite side from Seth. He stays by my side but closer to my head and thankfully averts his eyes from what Dr. Grant is doing, instead maintaining eye contact with me. He holds my left hand still and uses his right to caress my cheek. Dr. Grant first checks my breasts and moves very carefully to my abdomen looking closely at my sutures, while gently pressing around.

Then, moving between my legs, she has me move to the very edge of the table, until I feel as though I will fall off. I have to go through another pelvic exam minus the pap smear in less than a week. However, now that the fibroid has been removed, it was not very painful at all. In fact, she was done far quicker than I thought she would be.

She scoots her stool away from me, lowering the sheet and tells me I can sit up, which Seth helps me to do.

"Everything looks and feels normal. You do need a mammogram as I noticed you haven't had one since Hanson retired. I'll have the nurse call you to schedule. Seth, I presume you can get her some Diflucan if needed with all these antibiotics she has been taking?" He nods and says he has already been giving me some periodically, which I didn't realize. I trust Seth implicitly and simply take what he hands me each morning and evening.

She continues, "As far as hormone replacement therapy, as long as you aren't having a lot of symptoms and you keep active for your heart, I don't think you need to take anything. Unless you have any further problems, I don't think we need to look at a hysterectomy either. But if you do, just call. Otherwise, I will see you in a year. Do either of you have any questions?"

I manage to say, "Yes," even as I freeze, feeling shy all of a sudden.

I think Seth knows what I want to ask, as I hear him clear his throat, but he too, doesn't say anything.

I'm a grown adult. I can ask this.

"Dr. Grant, since I just had surgery a week or so ago, I was wondering when I could…when we could…be intimate."

It wasn't lost on any of us that I did say "we" but didn't say "again," as her eyes went back and forth between us and took in our hands held tightly.

She smiled brightly at us, saying, "Well, normally I would say six weeks. But you are healing very well. Seth did a very good job on your surgery and it was laparoscopic. I'm not going to say that I would recommend this, but since neither of you are twenty and likely to be contorting in odd positions, I think three to four weeks would be fine. I trust as a doctor, Seth, that you will know if anything doesn't seem right. And Mrs. Fletcher, it will be important to listen to your body. In more ways than one."

Then she winked at me and said goodbye, leaving us alone. I look at Seth to see that he is red in the face and I can feel the heat on my own face and suddenly we are laughing so hard that tears fall, but we both try to contain ourselves rather quickly as we don't want a nurse coming in to find out if something is wrong.

Seth stands beside me as I dress, making sure that I don't need a steadying hand. It is amazing how in such a short time I have become comfortable with him seeing me and helping me dress and bathe.

Once I am dressed and my hair fixed a bit, he reaches for my hand, and says, "Now, woman, are you ready to go to the courthouse?"

Instead of answering, I leaned forward to plant a passionate kiss on his lips, parting my own even as I deepened it. Still holding hands, Seth reaches with his other hand around my waist and pulls me to him. I moan in his mouth.

"Dear God, woman, you will be the death of me. Let's go."

Stopping on the way to the courthouse, Seth insists on buying me a small bouquet of red and pink roses. They smell wonderful and I sit in the car and breathe them in. When he parks, he comes around to the passenger side and helps me out.

When we walked into the courthouse, we were delighted to discover that we somehow hit a lull in the day, as we were able to walk right up with our license, and request the justice of the peace to perform a brief wedding.

The justice was an older woman about our age, with long brown hair and round glasses. She seemed surprised at first, when she heard my name, saying she enjoyed my books.

Having Seth and I stand in front of her desk, she stood beside us, helping us to recite our vows. Not being in a church, there was no prayer or mention of God, but it still felt sacred, to be holding Seth's hands in public, promising to love and honor him and him to love and honor me for as long as we both should live.

When she said that we could kiss, we reached for each other and softly and gently kissed with the promise of many more to come.

We all signed the paperwork to process our marriage certificate, as well as the witness in the corner of the room who had been asked to step into the room before we started. Just before we left while holding hands, the justice cleared her throat.

"Mrs. Fletcher? Or rather, Mrs. Hazlitt?"

Hearing my new name, I think my smile doubled in size which I am not sure how that was possible, as I was already so happy.

"Yes?"

"I hate to ask, but would you mind signing one of my books before you leave?"

"It'd be an honor."

Signing the three books of mine that she had on her shelf, all the while assuring me that she had all the others at her home, Seth and I were ready to leave.

"Oh, actually, would you do us a favor?"

"Of course."

"Would you please take a picture of us?" I ask, while handing her my phone. "That way, I can prove to our family and friends that this really happened."

She smiles and offers to walk outside with us, as her window overlooks a water feature and rose bush and will make a nice background. I hold my bouquet and Seth wraps his arms around my waist. The justice snaps several pictures for us and we shake her hand before saying goodbye.

I don't remember when I have felt this happy.

Eating an early dinner in Portland, we toasted our wedding and marriage over oysters and scallops.

"I'm so happy, Seth."

"Me too, my love."

"When do you want to tell people? Do we make an announcement in the Gazette or just tell Eve and let her gossip about it around town?"

Seth chuckles, "Well, I think we have to be prepared for people to descend on us once they know, and you, my dear, are still healing. Right now, I seem to have convinced our good townspeople to leave you alone for a bit. If I let them know we got married, they will forget that and you won't have a moment's rest."

"So, let's just keep it to ourselves for a bit then."

"Sounds like a plan to me, Jess."

"But…"

"But what?"

"But tonight, you move into the bedroom with me. Permanently."

"That's an even better plan," he whispers and leans forward to kiss me gently on the lips. The next few weeks are going to seem like forever.

Later that night, Seth quickly moves his things into our room, and climbs into bed beside me. He spoons around me, and I snuggle into his embrace. No exciting lovemaking for a wedding night, unfortunately, but there is a peace tonight that has been previously absent. The knowledge that we are promised to each other forever and there will be nights of lovemaking to come.

I rub my fingers over the simple platinum bands that we chose before the doctor's appointment today. They were very quick purchases, which I think surprised Seth. He offered and even tried to encourage me to pick out a diamond engagement ring with the band, but I refused. It was a sweet offer, but I have only ever worn a wedding band. For the whole of my adult life, I have worn the simple yellow gold one that Frank bought me, as we couldn't afford anything else. It would not feel right to wear anything overly different. I was content to upgrade to platinum, but a simple band allows me to do my gardening and typing and all my other activities without fear of getting it caught on something or losing a gemstone. Simple is best for this lady.

I sigh in contentment.

"Everything okay, wife?"

"Everything is wonderful, husband."

I feel him kiss the back of my head and as we settle into each other, sleep finds us both.

Another week passes, and although people are occasionally knocking on my door to check on me, Seth always seems to be there to intercede. He has started to allow me to go downstairs during the day and to begin writing for short periods of time, when he goes to make his rounds for the day. Somehow, he has arranged his schedule to only be gone for no more than three to four hours at a time.

I keep waiting for someone to notice his new wedding band, but as he used to wear a yellow gold one, as did I, it must not be different enough for people to notice. Mort has been by to check on me a few times, but he hasn't noticed anything either, or at least hasn't said anything. I'm beginning to think we should tell people soon, as I don't want them to be hurt when they do find out. But Seth has wanted to hold off a bit longer, so I am content to enjoy this specialness with just each other.

Two weeks after my surgery, Seth comes home one afternoon with groceries and begins bustling around the kitchen. I have enjoyed getting back to writing this week, but I have recognized when I have reached my limit each day, and have been disciplined to stop after a few hours. Seth doesn't tell me to stop, but I know he notices the tiredness in my voice when he gets home. I take that as a sign that I need to stop for the day, and when I walk into the kitchen, he quietly sets a cup of hot tea in front of me, planting a kiss on my head.

"Hello, my love. How was your day?"

"Good. I finished the chapter I was working on. My head seems less foggy this week."

"Glad to hear it."

Just then, Mort knocks on the back door briefly, before letting himself in.

"Hi, Mort," I say, as I smile up at him.

He pulls out a chair, saying, "Hi, Doc, Mrs. F." Looking at me, he asks, "How are you feeling?"

"Better every day, thanks to Seth."

Seth grumbles under his breath, likely uncomfortable with my praise, but doesn't say anything as he turns the stove on and begins cooking.

"Say, Doc, I know it's none of my business, but I haven't seen your car at your house in weeks. Yet you always seem to be here. You aren't living here now, are you?"

I think he says this somewhat teasingly, but it doesn't stop Seth and me from exchanging a look. Do we tell him? Seth must have seen my assent in my eyes, because, he says, "Well, Mort, as a matter of a fact, I am."

Mort appears flustered, shocked that his question was actually answered and in the affirmative.

"The two of you? Living in sin!" He waves his hand back and forth. At our looks, he continues, "You misunderstand. I don't care. I'm a man of the world from New York. But jeez. Just wait until Adele hears."

"We would rather you keep this to yourself, Mort. Just for a little while please," I say.

Mort sputters. But Seth turns from the stove, and gets his attention.

"Mort, we aren't living in sin. Even if I agreed with that sentiment, it isn't true. Yes, by some miracle, Jessica says she is in love with me and I have moved into her bedroom, and I don't think it is a surprise for you that I have been in love with her for years. But what will come as a surprise to you, is that Jessica did me the honor of becoming my wife a week ago when we went to Portland for the day."

To say Mort is shocked at that would be a gross understatement. His face says it all even if his words can't come out.

I add to what Seth told him, "But Mort, with my recovery, it hasn't exactly been a honeymoon period yet, and we would really like to keep it to ourselves for a few more weeks, until I'm able to get out and share the news. And perhaps even plan a reception of sorts."

He is flustered and his face becomes red as he quickly understands what I mean about a honeymoon period, even as he redirects his focus by saying, "Weeks? I have to keep this secret for weeks? Oh, come on, Mrs. F!"

"Please," My pleading must work, as he heaves a big sigh and stands back up to leave.

"Thank you, Mort," I say.

"Don't thank me. I'll try to keep it a secret, but you know this town and the women in it. I make no promises that some woman, including my wife, isn't able to wheedle the truth out of me at some point."

With that, he leaves out the back door, with it slamming just slightly behind him.

"Well?" I ask Seth.

Instead of saying anything, he reaches for my hand, before pulling me into a warm and tender embrace and claiming my lips with his own.

A few hours later after a wonderful meal and a game of chess where I lost in the first few moves, I climbed into bed, weary, but happy. Seth is still in the bathroom preparing for bed, and I am waiting for him. I still can't believe that in the last two weeks, we have gone from best friends to husband and wife, even though we still haven't crossed over into lovers.

Seth took my sutures out a couple of days ago and said that everything is healing the way it should. I have started taking very short walks with him around the block in the early morning, trying to avoid the busier streets and the people on them.

I have hinted around at what day he will deem me well enough to take the next step together, but he doesn't want to circle a date so to speak. He says I have to be completely without pain first, and even if I lied, he would be able to tell by my face that I still have some pain when I get in and out of bed, go up and down the stairs, and in and out of the bathtub.

When he comes into the bedroom, he must notice my pensiveness, as he asks, "Penny for your thoughts, woman?"

I sigh, as he turns the lights off and climbs in beside me, immediately reaching for me to hold.

"I just feel a bit frustrated. I want to take the next step with you, Seth."

His hand stills on my back, as he whispers, "And you think I don't?"

"Of course not! But I feel like I am to blame for the delay."

"And?"

"And you are going to be too cautious and probably going to make us wait a full six weeks!"

He chuckles softly by my ear.

"No, my love. Not six weeks. Hopefully just another week. Maybe two."

"Promise?"

"As much as I can."

Suddenly, I feel an overwhelming need. I reach up and hold his face with my right hand, pulling his head to me, taking his lips with my own and pushing them open, to allow my tongue free rein. Emboldened, I ran my hands down his neck, to his chest, feeling his hair at the top of his sleep shirt. I move my hand down and under his shirt for better access.

"Jessica…" he says in a strained voice.

I don't speak, but instead, continue my assault on his mouth. He responds in kind.

I moan into his mouth. I haven't felt this way in years. Sensual and seductive and aroused, at the same time that I am in his arms and can roam his body with my hands freely. It's heady and intoxicating.

More confident than I really feel, I reach lower with my right hand, to his boxers. Whereas he sees me every day now in the nude, as he continues to help me bathe, I have yet to see him. I feel his body stiffen slightly, even as he groans.

"What are you doing to me, Jess?" He asks, even as he continues to kiss me in furor.

I still don't speak, but instead continue my downward search for him. When I find what I am seeking, I hold him firmly and his body jerks. If I was in any doubt that he wants me as much as I want him, it is gone.

I slowly move my hand inside his boxers and hear him exhale loudly against my mouth. I begin to move my hand back and forth, firm, but gentle. He is still holding me and I feel his hands grip my back in force. He doesn't hurt me, but I can tell he is almost out of his mind at this point.

I continued. If we can't both make love, why can't I pleasure him?

I feel his body move against mine and I think he is close. I feel powerful that I can get this reaction from him, and so quickly, and even though I wish we were bonded by our full bodies, this is a good beginning I tell myself.

But just before he reaches the edge I think, he pulls completely away from me, from my mouth, my body, my hands, saying raggedly, "No, Jess."

Tears immediately well in my eyes. I can't help it. I feel rejected.

"Please don't cry, Jess," he says, as I feel his hand reach out for my own. "Just give me a minute please. And I will hold you again."

I nod, even though I know he might not be able to see me in the darkness, even with the dull light coming through the blinds. He continues holding my hand and rubbing it with his thumb. After a few minutes, I feel him move back over beside me and he pulls me to his chest, which allows me to hide my face to hopefully recover from my embarrassment.

"Jessica?"

"Hmm?" I say as I try to will my tears away again.

"I want you more than anything. But not like that. Not for the first time."

"Was it not good?" I whisper, still so embarrassed.

"Jess, look at me." He tilts my face back and as I can see the outline of his face in the dark, I know he can see mine.

"Jess, when you touch me and when I feel your body against me, I am the happiest I have ever been. Which is why when I find my release soon, it will be with you and your body. Because I want to make love with you and to you. Anything else is a poor substitute." He must sense how ashamed I feel, as he reaches to hold my face to where I maintain eye contact. "Don't misunderstand me, woman. What you just did felt wonderful and in a different circumstance, I might not have stopped you. But I will wait for you. So that our first time is magical."

He pulls me to him and kisses me softly.

When we pull away, I say, "I love you, Seth."

"My darling, I love you more than life itself."

Minutes later, we are both asleep in each other's arms.

Thank you for all of the kind reviews. There will be at least one more chapter (but more than likely a few more)! I am loving all the new stories coming out right now…KarlieQ and furthershewrote have some of my favorites! Thank you for sharing and if you ever want to talk back and forth, please PM me.