Chapter 7 - Attack of the Clones

Author's Note: Things are heating up. :D

~ Amina Gila

Of all missions they could've gotten returning from Ansion, Anakin never expected to be sent to protect Padme. He's seen her occasionally over the years, but never long like this is going to be. And it's been a while. She formally greets Obi-Wan first, before turning to him. "Ani," she says, smiling, "It's been a while."

"I'm glad to see you again," he blurts out – it sounds so stupid, but he doesn't know how to interact with people that he hasn't grown up with.

She nods. He can tell she's annoyed, though not at him. "I'm glad you're here, even if I must say that your presences here are unnecessary."

They move to the couches – Anakin is sitting across from her. He misses her, but he doesn't know what to say to her, either. He doesn't really understand what it is he feels towards her, either. It's... not something he's felt before. It's a strange sort of attraction that he's not entirely sure he likes.

"I don't need more security," Padme declares firmly, "I need to find out who's trying to kill me." She's angry, and Anakin is angry, too; he's angry that someone dared to threaten one of his friends, one of the only people who was so kind to him, and she's angry that someone close to her was killed in the attack. His urge to do as she asks, to make her feel better and help swells instantly – she's hurting, and he can and will help her, the same way he does everyone he comes across.

"We'll find out who's trying to kill you, Padme, I promise," Anakin promises immediately.

Obi-Wan glares at him. He can't even pretend to be unfazed by that look. "The Council's orders were of protection, not investigation," he replies icily, "We will not exceed our mandate."

They fight on this a lot. Constantly. Obi-Wan is stuck to the Council, while Anakin does what his mother has always told him to do – follow his heart, staying true to the only thing he's cared for this entire time: helping people. Sometimes, it feels like he's one of the only people in the galaxy who cares for that, even if he knows that's unfair.

But Obi-Wan is angry at him again, and that hurts more than anything else. It's frequent, the constant knowledge that he's going to disappoint his master. It happens all the time, because Anakin can't ignore when someone asks him for help. He can't refuse. He can't, especially when it's someone he cares for so much.

He loathes how a simple look can make him feel insignificant and worthless despite everything he's capable of – despite all his accomplishments. Which are few and far between, but he is one of the bests duelists, and... years ago, he was told that he's meant to destroy the Sith, and he's tried to prepare himself for that in every way possible – maybe if he does that, fulfills his purpose, someone will finally want him. Even if he can't handle the fact that he was only created for the purpose of destruction. It just seems so... wrong for anyone to be born for that.

"I meant in the interest of protecting her, Master," Anakin objects, "Why would we have been assigned to protect if not to find the killer? Investigation is implied in our mandate."

"We will do exactly as the Council has instructed," Obi-Wan snaps back, "We will not go through this again, my young padawan learner. You will pay attention to my lead."

He knows that right now is when he needs to stop pushing, though it grates on him to do so. This is wrong. He can't understand why... but somehow, every time he tries to help, Obi-Wan thinks he's overstepping his boundaries. It doesn't even make sense, because the only person it hurts is himself, and the Jedi are supposed to be selfless. He wouldn't directly go against the Senate, and it doesn't make sense when the Jedi are supposed to be helping people, that they aren't all doing the same thing.

Padme interrupts at that, excusing herself, and it's right when everyone's disappearing from the room that a familiar figure appears in the doorway.

His mother's here. Anakin sensed her when he came, but he still didn't expect to see her. Not right here, not now. Not... but no matter how often he sees her, it's never enough. It's easier now that he's older to be able to escape out from his master and the Jedi's watchful eye so he can spend time with her. It's definitely grown easier now that Jacen can see her, too – he always felt guilty when they were younger, and his brother wasn't able to talk to her. It was wrong, even if Jacen insisted Anakin kept doing it.

But now...

"Mom," he breathes. Obi-Wan's already heading in the direction of downstairs, to double-check security.

"Ani," she greets him with the same smile, the same light in her eyes that she's always had – or has had, since she was freed. She's changed a lot. On Tatooine, she was always so strong, but she was also so hopeless. She had been too afraid to hope for anything better. If not for Dooku, she'd still be there, trapped in the desert. Anakin doubts he'd have been able to go back for her, even if she wasn't already freed. Since coming here, she's remembered how to live, he thinks.

Anakin moves forwards, unable to stop himself. He forgot himself for just a moment, but it's enough. Enough to know that he is tired of hiding, of acting as though his mother is something to be ashamed of. She's not – she's amazing. He could never be ashamed of her; it's unthinkable. She is his mother.

If not for Jacen, if he were not so afraid he'd no longer be able to help like he is now, Anakin would have let it come out long ago. He has no reason to keep it hidden any longer, and in that moment, he entirely forgets that it matters if Obi-Wan knows the truth.

They embrace each other tightly. He melts into her much smaller form – it's still strange to be taller than her. He always thinks of a time when he was much smaller.

"Are you alright, Ani?" she inquires.

He nods against her shoulder – he's really not, but he doesn't have time to explain anything. But if he's with Padme, he'll get to be with his mother, too. "I'm here with Obi-Wan," Anakin tells her, pulling back. He senses his master approaching, and he should leave, but he doesn't want to. "We're here to protect Padme."

"I heard," she replies, "I just didn't expect you to come here officially."

"Neither did I." he pulls back, even if he doesn't want to. "I should go finish checking security. My master's waiting."

She lets him go, and it feels almost impossibly hard to leave but he doesn't have a choice. Obi-Wan is waiting for him, and it sends another spike of anxiety through Anakin when he realizes his master saw all that. He's definitely going to be in for it now.

"That," Obi-Wan says slowly, "Was your mother?"

It's best to keep it simple. "Yes."

"I didn't know you met Senator Amidala again. Or that you saw your mother. You never told me."

"What was I supposed to say?" Anakin throws back.

"I don't know if I'm more angry that you did this, or that you never told me," Obi-Wan declares firmly.

"You're angry at everything I do or don't do." Anakin replies, bluntly. Maybe it's not entirely fair, but it certainly feels like it's true. Obi-Wan's not fair to him either, most of the time.

"That's not fair, Anakin."

"I suppose it's not." The ride is tense, quiet, but they have other things to focus on until they end up back in Padme's living room to just wait. Obi-Wan's anger is simmering in the Force when they're finally alone.

"You broke the Code," he accuses. Obi-Wan is often angry, but this is the first time in Anakin's life he's seen his master practically vibrating with fury. "You hid it from me for years. How long has it been?"

He has had rare, fleeting moments that he's feared his master before, but they have never, not once, been anything like this. And this is the very first time in his life he's been scared of Obi-Wan. "Seven."

"Seven... what?"

"Years."

"That," he repeats slowly, "Was most of the time you were a padawan. You could have told me. We could have worked it out."

Guilt is drowning him – it's almost as much as his fear. "I couldn't," he argues, shaking his head, "Not... you wouldn't have let me."

"I knew there was something of importance which you were not telling me, but I never would have suspected this."

"I'm sorry," he says, "I'm sorry for lying to you. I just didn't know what else to do."

"If you were hiding this, how can we know it's the only thing you've done?"

It's a fair question, no matter how much it hurts. "I would have told you earlier," Anakin confesses, "I... just didn't want you to be angry." He hates himself for saying so – because his master has every right to be angry at him, but he always fears facing it.

"You should have thought of that before."

"I know. I did. But it seemed easier than..."

"I know I cannot expect you to act as a normal Jedi should, but I believed at least you could move on from your past."

"I've tried to," he replies, "I... haven't been successful most of the time."

"You should have spoken with me about this."

"I was twelve," Anakin points out quietly, "I was still trying to fit in. I was too afraid to let you know, and after that, I... didn't know how to tell you."

"I will have to tell the Council."

Of course, Obi-Wan will, but that still sends a stab of resentment through him. Anakin squashes it just as quickly – that's what's unfair, if anything is. Obi-Wan is true to the Council, unlike Anakin. Anakin might follow the Code, almost blindly, but there are some things he just... doesn't see the same as everyone else. He can't expect Obi-Wan to see anything the same way he does, or to take the fall with him when the Council eventually finds out anyway. That would be wrong. He could never ask that.

"How frequently do you see her?" he inquires as an afterthought.

"Rarely," Anakin answers automatically, because it's true. "Only sometimes, if... she was at the Senate when I saw Palpatine. It wasn't very much." He still misses her constantly, but at least he knows she's safe. It's much better than if she was on Tatooine.

"I suppose I am... glad to know that you had someone else to rely on," Obi-Wan admits grudgingly, "I know you were quite lonely."

He's almost surprised. He shouldn't be. It's often easy to forget that Obi-Wan cares about him, somewhat, sometimes, or maybe it's just that he's too compassionate when it comes to Anakin. "Thank you, Master. I... am sorry."

"I know you are, Anakin. I'm just not sure that's enough."

They leave it at that, and just wait as the sky goes entirely dark, and it grows later. Anakin doesn't sense any danger yet, but his senses are a bit more muddled than they should be. He's exhausted. Considering how he's been sleeping lately, that's unsurprising. Normally, they'd never have a problem with staying up – they do it all the time on missions – but right now, it's growing increasingly difficult to stay awake. Even if he knows he won't be able to sleep, anyway.

"You look tired, Anakin," Obi-Wan's voice finally filters in through the fog.

Anakin turns around, blinking a few times, trying to shake his exhaustion from mind. It's not easy. "I haven't been sleeping well anymore," he murmurs.

"You mentioned you've been dreaming about your brother."

He nods, looking away as the image flashes through his mind again. It hurts every time he thinks of it, but it's constantly in the back of his mind. It's hard to tell what's happening, but the central image is identical, every time. "I don't understand why I keep dreaming about him," Anakin tells him, "I worry about him all the time, but it's not... that's not it. This is something... different. I don't understand it."

It's the same, every time – Jacen's body lying amidst smoke and debris on a sand-covered ground, his life rapidly fading out. Whether he dies or not is... unclear, but it's close enough. Too close. Anything could happen to him, and Anakin knows that. He's always worried, but he's always trusted the Force, and nothing has happened to him.

Like he told Obi-Wan, this is something different than normal dreams. It's not fueled by fear. It's something more real than that, and the more time passes, the clearer and more certain it's becoming. What it means, he has no idea, but he's... scared. He can't help it. If something happens to Jacen...

It's unthinkable. Jacen is his little brother, and it's Anakin's job to protect him. It can't be any other way.

"Dreams pass in time," is all Obi-Wan tells him, but this – this isn't a dream. It's what he doesn't understand. It's what Anakin doesn't understand, either, because this doesn't make sense. But he has the very distinct feeling that it will happen. Somehow. Some time. No matter how hard Anakin tries to stop it.

And that thought alone is enough to terrify him.

**w**

Jacen instantly has a bad feeling, when he gets a call from Anakin. "We may be... in trouble," Anakin tells him, in a rush, "Master Obi-Wan found out we've been seeing Mom."

What?

His breath catches in his throat, eyes widening. That's – no, that can't have happened. It can't. They'll be – he doesn't even know and doesn't want to. But he's been terrified of that happening for years and... "How?" he asks, desperately.

"We were on a mission to protect Padme. Mom was there, and... we slipped up. He figured it out."

"What happened?" Jacen asks, hands clenching, "Are we..." Going to be forbidden from seeing her again? They wouldn't be able to sneak out of the Temple to do it if their masters will outright not let them. He waited for so many years to do it. He can't have to wait until he's a Knight again, or – no, that can't happen.

"He was displeased," Anakin replies, "And I imagine he will tell Master Qui-Gon. I don't... know what will happen."

"Okay," Jacen whispers, heart pounding. This is bad. Why is this happening? Why does it feel like – like he's bound to lose everything if it means becoming a Jedi? That was never why he joined them. He wanted to help people. Not... this.

He doesn't bother to ask his brother if he's alright or vice versa. There's no point, is there? They already know the answer to that.

He doesn't have to wait more than a few hours to find out that, yes, Obi-Wan obviously did tell Qui-Gon because his master asks to speak with him privately, and he knows immediately that this isn't about training.

"Yes, Master?" he asks, shifting nervously.

Qui-Gon doesn't look angry, but he's obviously unhappy, and Jacen tries to ignore the instinctive part of his mind that's expecting violence. It's stupid. He already knows Jedi don't do that. That doesn't mean whatever's about to happen will be much better. "Obi-Wan spoke with me. He mentioned that you and Anakin have been speaking with your mother at the Senate."

Jacen looks down, inspecting the floor beneath them. "I – I missed her," he blurts finally. What else is he even supposed to say to that?

"I know," Qui-Gon replies, a little more softly, "I am aware this has not been easy for either of you, but you know what the Jedi believe about attachments of this nature."

"I know," he replies, swallowing back the sudden ridiculous urge to cry. It's stupid. He's fourteen. It also feels like he might be about to lose everything, though. And either way, his master's obvious disapproval hurts. (It also hurts sometimes that he's... sometimes, Jacen doesn't think a distant master is quite how he sees Qui-Gon even if he knows that's how it should be, and Qui-Gon will never encourage anything else.) "But I – I can't..."

What?

He can't be a good Jedi? Is he really about to tell his master that? The one who brought him here?

"It's your choice," Qui-Gon replies gently, "My duty is to guide you in the Jedi way, but if you choose to do this, it is up to you."

Somehow, that does little to make him feel better. Of course, he's grateful Qui-Gon won't stop him, but the knowledge that he'll be constantly disappointing him hurts anyway. But he can't have both.

He can't have a family and be a Jedi at once. It's never felt clearer than it does at this moment.

And... he doesn't know what he'd do other than what he always has, but it's still... For a moment, he remembers years ago when Anakin mentioned he was considering leaving, and looking for ways to help people outside of the Jedi. He almost wonders if that would be easier, but no, he can't do that. He would never leave Anakin anyway.

He'll just think about this when he has a clearer head. Maybe then it will be easier to... something.

"It's never interfered with my duty before," Jacen objects. It feels wrong to be... questioning this, but he can't not either, and it's so confusing.

"No," his master agrees, "But there is always a risk. If you had to choose between protecting her and defending many others, it can be... a hard choice to make."

Jacen swallows hard. That's true, but it wouldn't matter because he'd worry even more if he didn't know if she were alright. (Or maybe you'd have forgotten her, the way Ahsoka did her parents, his mind reminds him morbidly.)

Qui-Gon reaches out, laying a hand on his shoulder. "Attachments can be controlled, but there is always a risk which is why they are forbidden," he adds, "As I said, this choice is yours to make, padawan."

Maybe it just hurts that his master won't... make this exception when he has for other things against the Council in the past. But that's the thing – there's a difference between disobeying the Council and going against the Code, and his master never does the latter.

He wishes it didn't constantly feel like he was failing so much simply because he doesn't – can't and won't – let his mother or brother go.

**w**

Obi-Wan truthfully doesn't really know what to think about everything Anakin told him. He knew, of course, that there was something causing Anakin to be... as unusual as he was, though he fears his contact with his mother may have been part of what led to how he doesn't fit into the Order at all. He never has, and it's only worsening as he gets older.

He's not trying to make it difficult, at least Obi-Wan certainly hopes not, but Anakin often goes off the rails and disobeys the Council. Obi-Wan suspects that it was coming from somewhere. He just never imagined it was from a major breach in the Code. What Anakin was doing was encouraging attachment, truly, and that, Obi-Wan is certain, is what has been clouding his vision. How far it's gone, it's hard to say.

He... is glad that Anakin wasn't entirely alone here on Coruscant all this time, but he wouldn't have been, anyway, if he hadn't been doing this. It was preventing him from settling in and adjusting. How Anakin even knew she was there, he doesn't know. He never asked, because after his padawan has been apparently hiding this from him for years, he doubts Anakin would've been very forthcoming with answers.

The Council will not be happy about it, not at all. Obi-Wan knows this, and he isn't sure what it will mean for Anakin if they know, but he doesn't have a choice but to tell them. It's important, and they will know what to do.

Everyone is rushing enough that he doesn't have time to talk to anyone until Masters Yoda and Windu are seeing him off to Kamino. They're only here because this is a very important mission, and there's a high chance something much larger is going on. Especially considering Kamino was deleted from the archive maps.

"I am concerned for my padawan," he tells them finally, "He is not ready to be on his own."

"Confident in their decision, the Council is, Obi-Wan," Yoda replies.

"He has exceptional skill," Windu replies, "If the prophecy is true, he will be the one to bring balance to the Force."

"He still has much to learn," Obi-Wan objects, "And his abilities have made him, well... arrogant."

"Hmm. Common this is, among the Jedi. Even some of the older, more experienced ones," Yoda says with a pointed, disapproving look. He's unhappy Obi-Wan is questioning their decision, but he doesn't understand the entirety of the situation, either.

"I realize why you were so hesitant of his training from the beginning," Obi-Wan adds.

"There's something else?" Windu inquires.

"Yes," he confirms, "Somehow, Anakin's mother came to Coruscant. He has been seeing her from time to time. I do not know how frequently, or how much this has been influencing his actions."

The Jedi Masters exchange glances. "When did you learn of this?" Windu asks.

"Yesterday," Obi-Wan tells them, "I fear how far this has been affecting him."

"We will discuss it when he returns," Windu replies, "For now, you must have faith he will take the right path." They leave it and that, and Obi-Wan can only hope so. They've never had a situation like this before to his knowledge, and he doesn't know what all it will mean.

**w**

This is the first time Anakin has been entirely on his own, so yes, he is admittedly quite nervous about it. He's glad to go back to Naboo, but that makes this no less unusual. And he's alone with Padme, which he really doesn't know what to think about. He doesn't know what to think about her.

He just wishes he didn't have to be away from the Temple, away from Jacen. Especially right now – anything could go wrong and happen to him, and... Anakin doesn't know what to do about it. He loathes feeling this helpless about it.

"Is something troubling you?" Padme inquires of him at last.

"I have been having... dreams," Anakin confesses, "I think they're visions. I don't know what to do about them."

"Of what?" she asks, frowning.

"Jacen," he replies, "Injured. I don't... know how seriously. But I keep seeing them."

"Have you talked to him about it?"

"No. I have not. I don't want him to worry. But... I think he knows something's wrong."

"You should tell him."

She's probably right on that. Maybe. "I told Master Qui-Gon already. I'll... talk to Jacen about it when I get back," Anakin replies. He doesn't know why he suddenly has the sinking feeling that it might be too late.

He should have done something about it already.

That – and everything with Obi-Wan finding out about his mother – is occupying his thoughts almost constantly, but now enough that... he doesn't get temporarily distracted with Padme when they're standing outside on the balcony together, watching the water.

He can't help thinking sometimes, like in moments like this, that he... almost wants to take things... further between them.

Maybe.

Not that it matters. He's a Jedi, and it's not allowed. Besides, Jacen is his future, not... something or someone else. Even if he wants it so much sometimes.

He doesn't know what it would do to his friendship with Padme, either. Most of all, he has no idea if she even feels like that at all. Maybe someday they'll have a chance, but not right now.

Not yet.

Especially not when his master is already furious with him, and he's so worried about Jacen. Somehow, the feelings he's been getting about him only seem to be worsening.

**w**

Maybe it's just her, but the entire time Jacen's been in the Archives today, he seems to be... brooding. And Ahsoka has no idea what's up with him. "Are you okay?" she asks, finally. It doesn't make sense. Jedi don't brood.

Jacen sighs, turning away from whatever he's working on. "I was... caught. You know, about seeing my mother."

Oh.

Oh. Ahsoka's been keeping it a secret just like he has, even if, as she got older, she started to question if that's really how she ought to be handling it. But she'd been doing it for so many years, it's not like she would stop. She knows how much this means to him. "What happened?" she asks.

"Nothing," he replies, glumly, "Master Qui-Gon says it's my choice. I think Master Obi-Wan is very mad at Anakin, though."

Ahsoka winces. It's... "It's not surprising, is it?" she points out bluntly, "We knew it was likely. It is against the Code."

He looks up, meeting her eyes for a long moment. "So is how close I am with Anakin. How do we know our... friendship isn't also?"

Is it? They're closer than she is with anyone else and more so than she's seen between any other Jedi. She couldn't say what he means to her, but she can't imagine not having him constantly near her, even if they don't see each other as often as they once did. She's always imagined that they'll spend the rest of their lives together, this close too.

Which they will. They're Jedi. They'll always work together in some way or another.

"I don't know," Ahsoka admits, finally, "I don't know where the line ends. It's... confusing sometimes."

It's then that Jacen's comm suddenly beeps, and he straightens, answering immediately. It's a call from Qui-Gon for an urgent mission, which he hastily leaves to attend to.

Except he comes back barely fifteen minutes later, expression grim. That's... odd.

"What?" Ahsoka asks.

"It's serious," he replies, grimly.

She was already hearing... rumors in the past minutes, about some massive mission that a number of Jedi were already called out of the Archives to attend to, but she can't imagine what it could be. But she really wishes she wasn't stuck here at the Temple while everybody else handles these things.

"Master Obi-Wan was investigating the Separatists on Geonosis. They're amassing a massive droid army, and there's suspicion they'll attack the Republic. He was captured before he could get out. Master Windu is calling as many Jedi present at the Temple as possible to go in and stop this before it escalates, and it's unlikely Master Obi-Wan could escape on his own."

Something tenses uncomfortably in her chest, and she reaches forwards, touching his arm. "That is serious," she agrees. She can't believe the Separatists are really planning to attack the Republic.

"My master's waiting for me," Jacen says, shifting, "I just wanted to stop by quickly before leaving."

Strange, because it's not as if he won't be back soon enough, but she's glad he came, for some inexplicable reason. She doesn't know why she has such a bad feeling right now. But if a war might be about to break out across the galaxy, it's no wonder. "I wish I could go with you," Ahsoka replies.

"I'm sure we'll have missions together eventually," he assures.

She nods. "Just... be careful." She can't say why feels such a strong need to say that. "And may the Force be with you."

He nods, smiling though it looks forced, before moving forwards suddenly, wrapping his arms around her. They've hugged plenty in the past but... not really since they got older. She returns it just as tightly, though.

"May the Force be with you," Jacen repeats, pulling back. She eyes him for a long moment, before he turns, sprinting for the door. She doesn't know why she can't tear her eyes away from him as he goes, finally disappearing around the corner – or shake the unease clenching in her gut.

Something is wrong.

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