NOTE FROM MYST66: Sorry this took so long, but rest assured, this fic hasn't been abandoned, and it will be finished. Eventually. Writing is hard, okay?

On a different note, we've added "Existential Crisis" and "Revenge" to the tags, because, well, have you seen what our protagonists are up to? Just as a heads-up, there will be a good bit more of it going forward, so if that's *really* not your thing, you have been warned.

Enjoy the chapter!

Roman would have been lying if he said that riding a large lily pad disguised as a sentient wooden toy soldier was the weirdest thing that happened to him today, but it was still enough to leave him contemplatively silent. Just ahead, the marketplace loomed over him and Neo. It was yet another alien, fascinating sight, a natural ramp slowly spiraling upwards topped with some kind of giant flower, with supporting pillars adorned with all sorts of flora. The strange beauty almost took Roman back to what felt like a lifetime ago, to the few days of innocence and joy he recalled from before he was abandoned on the streets of Wind Path.

Almost. They had a job to do before sightseeing.

Little Red and her strange cat-like friend were in front to their left. As the lily pad inched closer and closer, it was rather easy to eavesdrop while feigning inattention.

"When Herb comes back, will he remember anything?" Little Red asked as the two listened on.

The cat laughed. "What would be the point of that?" they asked. "Just like Alyx, you lot. I know, I know, where you're from, things... die... but we're just not like you at all. We... ascend. Herb will have a purpose again."

Ascension. A new job. A new purpose. But memories? Roman pondered to himself. Indeed, the last job before a current one can carry little memorability, but this was the Ever After. Forgetting memories here could work differently for what little he knew of the place. Either it was just the toys... citizens of Ever After simply forgetting about their old jobs, or they come out an altogether different person with no idea who they once were.

Still, did it really matter? They were here to eavesdrop on Ruby and hopefully capture her before anyone else got to her, and they already had the Jabberwalker that Neo could (maybe) summon multiples of, but how were they going to capture her with that debatably furry friend in their way?

Why was he—

Roman gritted his teeth; now was not the time for such thoughts, he'd told himself over and over. Unfortunately, it was getting increasingly hard to ignore. He'd been brought back from literal death in a world that both followed and defied logic at the same time. Worse, it had all amounted to a fluke, for Neo could not explain how her Semblance did the impossible.

All the more reason to question if he were ever real.

Alas, the lily pad made its landing at the marketplace before he'd realized. A simple tap on the shoulder snapped him out of it like before, but when he looked up, Neo was standing there, a worried expression facing him.

"Ah–!" Roman opened his mouth in vague surprise. "We're here already?"

Neo silently beckoned him to step foot onto the ground, to which he'd gladly obliged, but already could he tell Neo was getting antsy. Not that he could blame her, of course; if he spent more time questioning his existence and the nature of life, Little Red would slip away like she always did.

"Just always, we need a plan," Roman began as Neo switched their disguises. "It's too bad none of us know what this place is, but it's nothing a little... observation won't fix."

Roman started looking around, being sure to keep a careful distance from Red. The marketplace was surrounded by water, and the only method of transportation was the lily pads to take civilians here and back. Then he looked at Little Red and her... even littler friends? Oh right, he lamented, it's the Ever After. Of course her team was shrunk for no conceivable reason. Knowing that group, they were probably searching for a solution right now.

Which meant they were in a race against time.

"So, it's isolated from the rest of the land," Roman stated matter-of-factly. "Little Red and her even littler friends are looking for something..."

Also of note was the myriad of items being sold; brown cookies with leaves, weird fruits, plants just as weird, pottery sold by living pottery...

"Neo," Roman began, "what did they say they were looking for again?"

. . .

The Grow-Gurt Parfait at the teapot lady? Neo immediately saw promise. The market was somewhat crowded and isolated from land by water, but there was a decent amount of space to go through and between. There were only a few guards around to protect the place—if there were any. As she'd seen before, there were multiple floors. Most importantly, Ruby and her... even tinier friends were out in the open, completely unaware.

At the same time, there were odds that potentially jeopardized their plan before it would even begin to form: Roman was increasingly losing his focus and grip on reality thanks to some complicated quandary about existence and the nature of being that Neo couldn't begin to wrap her head around. Additionally, Ruby was smarter than she looked, even if in the end, she'd been knocked into the void with her by Cinder.

That bitch.

There was a non-zero chance of the calvary coming to save the day, whether in the form of that strange cat, someone else that fell into the void after her, or yet another bizarre aspect of this strange world they were all trapped in. Whatever that chance was, she would have to prepare for that as well. So many uncontrollable variables… no matter, Neo had a few tricks up her sleeve.

They just had to hold it together.

They soon found the "teapot lady," a strange, huge teapot… with eyes… she couldn't deny that it was a bit unsettling, but it was allegedly their quarry's target. Really, they were lucky to have stumbled upon her before Ruby or the cat. After shifting disguises again as a safety precaution, Roman and Neo went up to her, or rather, waddled towards her in their new forms as woodblock toys.

"Welcome to Things 'n' Things!" the teapot lady exclaimed. "How may I help you?"

"Yes, hello," Roman began, "We were looking for... something we could make at home with."

"Oh, like herbs? Coffee? Ogre nose hairs?"

Coffee itself as an ingredient? Nose hairs? Neo somewhat understood the coffee one, but she was especially confused on what one would even do with nose hairs. Indeed, this was the Ever After, so she was sure somebody would've come up with something using ogre nose hairs... whatever they were by now.

"Actually..." Roman scratched his wooden head. "What recipes involve nose hairs?"

"Great question!" The teapot lady gestured towards her various items with her sprout. "One of them is a water that does whichever it feels like doing as you drink it."

"So water with a mind," he guessed.

The teapot lady nodded. "That would be correct. Whater can be quite unpredictable; it is in the name."

Neo looked at Roman, who was now getting curious about the teapot lady's ingredients, however confused he was otherwise. "What else could we make with nose hairs, then?"

"A variety of different things:" The teapot lady began "Tea Talks-a-lot, the Burning Brioche, even Grow-gurt Parfaits!"

Yep. Bingo.

"Thanks for telling us, teapot lady..." Roman said. "But, we are in no hurry for your offerings right now."

The teapot lady was disappointed, but nonetheless understanding. "You're welcome to return any time!" she exclaimed. "May we meet again!"

"May we meet again..."

Ironic.

Neo and Roman left Things 'n' Things and scanned the place once more for a sign of Ruby or that cat. They found where they were possibly going, now they just had to come up with a plan. Already, Neo had a preliminary idea:

Wait until the Grow-gurt Parfait is almost done, send in the Jabberwalkers, ruin the Parfait, and surround Ruby.

And take the girl, as fast as they can.

Yes, what happened next was still up in the air, but already, Neo had found a potent plan that kept the amount of uncontrollable variables relatively low, one that she and Roman could execute quickly, and one that she was sure would ultimately lead her to getting revenge sweeter than any parfait on Ruby for that whole year of suffering. Any possible problems could be easily avoided if they just kept themselves under control. Under control...

Neo looked at Roman and saw him staring off into the distance.

. . .

'I shouldn't be here' was among one of Roman's many thoughts as he stopped paying attention to the world around him. 'I died to that damned Griffon a year ago. I shouldn't be here.'

Even as he felt a squeeze, then a pinch from Neo, Roman continued to lose himself in his world of worrying thought.

'Am I destined to always come back to a new, cruel world over and over again? One where I am but a mere creation of my own partner, a fragment of the man I once was?'

The cat and Little Red had already reached Things 'n' Things, or so Neo was trying to point out, but Roman could barely be bothered; now, nothing was more important than finding out if he had ever existed as an actual person to begin with, or if he was just a living, walking doll Neo made for herself, naught but another figment of her overactive imagination.

Even as fireworks started shooting, signaling a Jabberwalker invasion. Even as Neo scrambled to drag him behind a now-abandoned storefront. Even as the Jabberwalkers charged in to attack the place, drawing ever so closer to Little Red and her tiny friends.

Well, they weren't as tiny anymore, apparently because of the parfait they'd successfully procured, but who cared that they were a few inches taller? Not Roman. Why bother over the happenings of what he was increasingly certain was a particularly lurid dream? Soon, it would all be over, and he'd wake up back in Vale like nothing strange had happened.

Or maybe he wouldn't.

Roman shivered at the thought as to the left, some armored figure on a gigantic… rabbit… deer joined the melee. To his right, Neo was growing increasingly incensed, but what did it matter? She was a two-foot-tall wooden figure! And so was he!

Surely, this was all just a long, strange dream. Right?

At what felt like a world away, the merry not-so-little-anymore bunch had managed a retreat up the tower. Well, good for them. Some bird-person had attempted to hold them off, but was currently getting his clock cleaned left and right. Heck, one of the Jabberwalkers had him in its grasp and—oh, now that was positively nightmarish. Fitting, or at least it was to Roman.

Still in a haze, he slowly turned towards Neo. Or, well, tried to, given that Neo had apparently disappeared sometime in the last minute. Off to trail Little Red and friends upwards, probably.

A blast of blue light turned his attention back to the market proper, where the cat was… blasting away at the Jabberwalkers? Yes, they were breathing beams of crackling electricity surrounded by purple squares that tore through the Jabberwalker clones, disintegrating each one with only a single hit apiece. Almost before Roman knew it, the market was clear save for the cat. As if the dream couldn't get any weirder…

Wait. The cat was muttering something under their breath. Intriguing.

Roman feigned fainting, using his largely circular state of existence to roll behind the cat, pulling into earshot after a handful of seconds. "...and she didn't even run until prompted. Oh, the self-doubt; so terrible, yet so delightful!" They were talking about Little Red? "Ah, but what else will it take to finish the job? Isn't that a fascinating question? Oh, to find the answer…" They left the last sentence unfinished as they wandered off in their whimsical way.

Roman was fascinated. The fellow was plotting for Red's downfall into doubt and insecurity? He could get behind that. This was more his speed, plotting and planning in the long term. Even if this was still a dream, it was now at least worth sticking around for a bit longer.

With this strange resolve, Roman turned his focus towards Neo, picturing her face in his mind and willing himself to her location. In a flash, he was at the top of the tower, the gigantic flower only a handful of feet above. Neo was crouching by the entrance to a small alcove within the flower's sizable base.

"Hey, Neo?" She slightly jolted in surprise before turning around with a slight smile. "Looks like Little Red isn't the only person of interest in this twisted fairy tale…"