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CHAPTER FIVE: BLINDNESS

NANA

"Sometimes the heart sees what is invisible to the eye."

- Unknown

'WAIT, SO LET me get this straight . . . You think he's cute now?'

I could feel my heart stop beating in my chest after seeing the words on the paper in front of me. I didn't really know why. It was something so personal about seeing it that made it all the more real. This was real life and it was really happening . . . right now . . . in my reality . . . and it was Yumiko whom I had confessed it to. There was no going back now.

I didn't know who to tell about my newfound . . . interest. If one could call it that. It was too much of a sudden realization for me to say that I liked my black-haired, quiet, sweet neighbor. One day things were normal, the next everything was flipped around in circles. I had debated calling my mother to talk to her about it. That would only make things more embarrassing for me as she raved about her daughter growing up. The next best thought was my best friend, and even now I was starting to regret it.

It was after our solo night of hanging out did I come to terms with my feelings. Part of me had considered that it was just everyone putting their ideas into my head. All of our friends wanted us to be together to bring the friend group more dimension. It wasn't until I sat back, reading a romance novel the next day, did I accept it. I had replaced the characters with our names and imaged us running away together like in the book. It was embarrassing. It was real.

So, picking up my own glittery purple pen, I scribbled over her writing as if to block out her words. It had took me an entire week to muster up the courage to tell her. I thought that I was ready. What if she told him? What would he think? Would our friendship be over? Would he stop talking to me and move away to save himself from the awkwardness?

We were in Yumiko's room-her house was no more than a thirty minute walk from my apartment building. Her queen-sized bed was pushed into a corner next to a window with bright green curtains. Her favorite color had been green growing up-everything portrayed the color enough to be the main scheme. Her fuzzy rug was green, the J-Rock bands posters on the walls had green, and the beanbag chair I sat in was green. Cute knickknacks were placed around the room in reminder of friends and memories. A few piles of dirty clothes laid discarded around the room to add to the slightly messy atmosphere. We were close enough that she didn't bother cleaning up. It was what one would expect from their childhood bedroom.

Yumiko's younger sister sat at the foot of her bed with her legs crossed underneath her. She was still in her blue and beige high school uniform as she had just returned home. She was in white knee-high socks; her black loafers were downstairs by the front door. Her brown eyes danced in excitement at my situation. Her hair wasn't as red as Yumiko's-hers had more of a brown tint to it, falling after her wait in two low pigtails. She was very cute much like her sister. If I hadn't known her, I'd have mistaken her for a popstar. The sisters prided themselves on their fashion sense and keeping up with the latest beauty trends.

She reached for the paper, writing down, 'OMG, you TOTALLY have a crush on him!'

I deadpanned at the sixteen-year-old. No way was I being told this by a high school first year. I should be ashamed.

My reply was scribbled, 'No, I don't. I just . . . thought about it a few times.'

The sisters rolled their eyes at my handwriting. Giving everything that happened in the situation, I doubted that they believed me. But, it was the truth. It was just something that I had thought about a few times. Perhaps overthinking everything was what caused my feelings to develop. Perhaps I was looking a bit too much into everything. It was all starting to give me a headache.

'Nana . . . that's what a crush is . . .' Yumiko wrote slowly onto the page.

I sighed and dropped my face into my hands. There was no way this could be happening. I could feel my ears heating up in embarrassment.

'Don't feel bad. It's normal,' Megumi wrote next. 'You guys are neighbors, classmates, and you're with each other all the time. It was bound to happen soon enough.'

I frowned. 'If that's true, shouldn't I have a crush on Hide, too?'

Upon reading my note, Yumiko shuddered. It was the truth, though! Hideyoshi and I didn't spend as much time as Kaneki and I did by far, but when I wasn't with him, I was with Hideyoshi or Yumiko. Why hadn't Hideyoshi been the one that I liked? What was the difference between him and Kaneki?

Though I was trying to save myself from the situation, deep down I knew that there was a big difference. Kaneki was . . . Kaneki. He was him, and he was smart, kind, and the sweetest man I had ever met. He didn't fall into the same group as other boys our age. He was different. There was something about him that I had yet to discover, but knew he was special. And for that, he was the one that made the cut. Not Hideyoshi.

Yumiko was the next one to write down, 'Ew. But, that's Hide. He doesn't count.'

I laughed. 'He said the same thing about you.'

'What did he say about me?!' Yumiko scribbled, and I could only imagine that she was growling.

Megumi waved us off to change the subject. 'I think you should confess.'

No.

Absolutely not.

I stared at the girl with a blank face. Suggesting that was bold of her. The day that I confessed my feelings to my neighbor would be the day I pack my bags and move back to Karuizawa. I would never show my face in Tokyo again. I was pretty sure my school credits would be transferrable. Anything would beat doing that.

All of it was getting a bit too real a bit too fast. I wasn't sure if that was the route that I wanted to take. Who was to know after I did say something that I would feel the same way later. Did I really even like him like I thought I did? Was all of this because of the romance novels I had been reading lately? I needed more time to decide what it was I wanted . . . if Kaneki was truely the object of my newfound affections.

I picked up the pen and paper, admitting to the girls, 'I don't even know if this is really a crush. I think I should wait before I jump into anything.'

They both nodded in agreement. However, as if he knew we were talking about him, my phone chimed with a text message from the boy in question. A smile crept its way onto the corner of my lips. I swiped my thumb across the screen to get rid of it and lock it before they could see it. I had been too late. When I looked back up at them, they both had deadpan expressions on their faces. They knew it had been him. I had been caught smiling.

'Yup. Definitely a crush,' Yumiko wrote.

I sighed again.

'It's okay!' Megumi explained. 'I confessed to my boyfriend a year ago by making him chocolates. He accepted them instantly. It was so cute!'

Yumiko rolled her eyes this time. 'It's not 2007. Nobody makes chocolate confessions anymore. You're giving her advice like she's in a shoujo manga.'

'But, it was cute!'

I shook my head, writing, 'I'm not confessing to anyone. It's not a crush.'

'Do you want me to tell him you like him?' Yumiko asked.

'NO, DON'T TELL HIM ANYTHING!'

The sisters laughed at my blushing face. I sulked in my spot.

I didn't want to think about it anymore, honestly. Everything was jumbling together in my head to make a spider web of mess that didn't make sense. Did I, or did I not? It was a question that my friends couldn't answer. I would have to take the time to look within and figure it out for myself. There was no right or wrong answer. It was a matter of if I wanted to act upon whatever answer I gave myself.

The afternoon breeze blew through the window to gracefully blow the curtains around. It wasn't too late; it was around five o'clock. The sun was just starting to make its way out of the sky. The hustle and bustle of Tokyo was very much still active outside. Within an hour or two, the sun would be ready to set, adorning the sky in beautiful shades before turning night. It was my favorite time of day. It was when the Earth felt the most alive.

Yumiko stood up. She made work of dusting off the front of her purple shirt off. She slid her glasses further up her nose with a smile. It was a smile that was meant to offer me relief. She was going to let me off the hook this time. This time.

She took the notebook from me to sketch onto the paper, 'Well, we better get going. We're going to be late meeting up with the boys. Kaneki already texted you. They're probably wondering where we are.'

She was right. So, we both hugged Megumi, telling her goodbye, and headed out of the house. Megumi declined our invitation claiming she had a mountain of homework to finish. Such was the life of high schoolers. I wanted to tell her that it didn't get easier, but I didn't want to discourage her. High school was the easy part.

Yumiko made conversation during our walk to Anteiku. However, my mind was all over the place. I stared down at my shoes, half-mindedly following her lead, and half-mindedly walking in a straight line. People on bikes rode past us on their ways back home for dinner. Groups of students still lingered around the homes having their last few talks with their friends before they went their separate ways. Cars drove down the streets as they honked at the ones around them to go faster.

We came to an intersection and stopped. It wasn't the pedestrians' turn to cross the street. My gaze traveled around us as we waited for the red light to turn green. Buildings over ten stories high stood on each corner. People flooded the sidewalks, some with friends, other alone. And when the light turned green, they swarmed the streets like flocks of bees.

Yumiko grabbed my hand to lead me through the crowd. I hadn't noticed that it was our turn to cross, but the people scrambling across on their phones was a good indication. I allowed her to pull me to the other side of the street without much struggle. It was a habit of hers I didn't mind fighting. When too much was going on, she often acted as my ears to help me. I would forever be grateful to her because of that.

We slid into one of the alleyways between the large buildings. There was a chalkboard sign ahead that listed different coffees on today's special menu. It was none other than our favorite hang out spot. We instantly noticed our friends at one of the window table seats. They were deep in conversation. Kaneki swatted Hideyoshi's arm with a harsh roll of his eyes. Hideyoshi threw his head back in laughter. Sure, we were late, but it looked like they were keeping themselves busy.

I had come to fall in love with my little mundane life. I woke up every morning, went on a walk, went to school, hung out with my friends, and got to come home to my own place where I could study, and sing, and dance . . . whatever I wanted to do. It felt . . . free. The people that I met hadn't made me feel weak or like I had to be cared for. I simply felt like Nana. That was it-that was all.

I often caught myself slipping from reality. I mentally took a step back to think about the world around me. It was really my life. I really had friends. I was really in college. I was really happy. So, as we stepped into Anteiku and the little bell above the door rang, I couldn't help but to smile as the two boys turned to look over at us.

I was happy with the way things were now. That was my answer.

We walked over to them with a fit of waves. I slid into the seat next to Hideyoshi. Yumiko sat down next to Kaneki. I retrieved the notebook from my bag to place it in the middle of the table with a pen. I made sure to flip to a page far away from our previous talk with Megumi. It would be just my luck that someone was nosey and flipped to it.

Hideyoshi was the first to grab onto the pen and paper. 'You guys are like thirty minutes late. I thought you weren't coming.'

He and Yumiko then entangled themselves into an argument. I chuckled at their antics. They didn't waste any time. It was like watching a pair of siblings.

The shop's television played in the background. I put my elbow on the table, placing my chin in my hand, and looked over at it. The news was playing yet again. There was an older man with balding black hair and a thick mustache on the screen. He was speaking into a microphone at what one would guess to be a press conference. It didn't take a genius to assume what they'd be talking about.

'The remains of a man's body were found on Takada Building Street on the twenty-eighth. Body fluid believed to have come from a ghoul was found at the scene. The authorities have begun investigating this as a ghoul attack,' the subtitles on the television read. 'The horrific ghouls haunting the streets of Tokyo . . . what exactly are they? Yo answer that question, our guest today is ghoul researcher Dr. Ogura.'

Hideyoshi rolled his eyes, writing again on the paper, 'Check out this sketchy dude. But, damn . . . the Takada Building isn't that far from here.'

It wasn't far at all. It was about a fifteen minute walk from Anteiku. We'd pass it on our way to our apartment building sometimes depending on what route we wanted to take. That alone sent a shudder down my spine. It felt like the attacks were getting closer. Hopefully, it was only a matter of time before the one responsible was caught.

Hideyoshi wrote again. 'I bet you'd be eaten up before you knew it, Kaneki. Since you're a nerdy weakling always readin' those weird books-'

Kaneki snatched the notebook from him before he could finish writing his sentence. His face was twisted up in a deadpan expression. Here Hideyoshi went with the teasing again.

'They're not weird,' Kaneki wrote down with a huff. 'Hide, you ought to expose yourself to more good writing.'

I nodded in agreement while Hideyoshi responded, 'No way. Books knock me out in five seconds. That's why you have Nana.'

Yumiko instantly glanced over at me. I turned the other way to hide my face; it was turning red in embarrassment. Ever since I told my friend about my kinda-sorta crush, I felt like everything was hinted towards it. Hideyoshi had no idea about it. But, Yumiko did, and his choice of words only proved to push her claims further.

You might as well just tell him! her eyes seemed to say. I shook my head. I couldn't.

'Anyways, going back to earlier . . .' Hideoyshi changed the subject. 'I've never seen a ghoul before.'

I supposed the television had peaked his interest in the monsters. I tried to live out my days attempting to block the thought out. It was much easier to live that way. I, too, had never came across one. Would I even know what I was looking at if I ever was to encounter one? Had I met one before and just never knew?

Ghouls were in their own league. They weren't like humans. Though they were said to look like us, they weren't. They didn't eat food. They didn't drink water. They attacked us. It was what the media pushed upon us to instill a sense of fear in the community. Be afraid of the monsters. If you underestimated them or your place on the food chain, you'd be on the five o'clock news next. I couldn't help but to grimace.

Kaneki took a sip of his coffee cup. 'Do they really exist? Those monsters that eat people?'

We all nodded. I was all for talk of government conspiracies and whatnot. Yet, I doubted that they would've made up ghouls. There was too much evidence for them no to be real.

My mind wandered to my father. It had been years since I'd seen him last. I wonder how the sudden spike in deaths were treating him. He was stationed way in China. Would he even know about what was going on here in Tokyo? I doubted it.

Yumiko was next to write, 'They say ghould hide amongst us disguised as humans. They could be closer than we think.'

I looked around the shop. An elderly man with white hair dressed in the shop's uniform stood behind the counter brewing delicious coffee. He looked gentle and kind. His crow's feet wrinkles were so deep that it gave the illusion that his eyes were closed. Could he have been a ghoul?

A waitress approached a table with two gentlemen. They looked to be in their late thirties or early forties. They were having a heated conversation judging by the expressions on their faces. She smiled at them with a small notebook in her hand to the take orders. The girl herself was very pretty. She had a modern, sleek, purple-blue haircut that was heavily parted over her right eye and didn't go passed her chin. Her blue eyes looked friendly whether it be truely or just for customer service. Could she have been a ghoul?

At the table across from them, another elderly man sat drinking his coffee alone in silence. He had to have been at least in his seventies. Deep wrinkles carved the tan skin of his face. His eyes were a deep black that seemed to have held a lot of wisdom. He had a long, white bead, that passed his neck in length. He was shaking-so much so that when he lifted the cup to his lips, his hands could barely keep still. Could he have been a ghoul?

If you thought about it that way, it was hard to separate the line between the two. Night and day, heads and tails, dogs and wolves, we were the same but very different. Would the differences be obvious to one when they came across them? Or, would that be something that could only be revealed when it was too late?

Next to me, Hideyoshi's frame shook with laughter as he wrote down, 'Wait a second! I bet you're a ghoul, Kaneki!'

We all rolled our eyes. Yeah, right. Kaneki? No way . . .

Kaneki took the pen and paper from him. 'If I was a ghoul, you guys would be dead by now. Even if they pass as humans, they're just human-shaped, right? This is probably what they look like.'

We waited for him to finish his little doodle into the notebook. With wide eyes in all seriousness, he held up a picture of what he thought to be a ghoul. It resembled a sort of dog with sharp teeth, tight eyes, and a pointy chin. Perhaps a goblin would be a closer resemblance? Either way, it didn't look human at all.

Hideyoshi decided to draw one next. His orange brows pulled together in the middle because of how concentrated he was. I looked over at his arm to sneak a peek. I smiled, and when he held the paper up for us to see, Yumiko and I broke into laughter. On the page was a horrible drawing of Kaneki with a big nose and a bowl haircut. He had a smile on his face and a hand held up in a wave. The real Kaneki twisted his face up and gave him the middle finger.

'But, enough about ghouls,' Hideyoshi wrote, and I was slightly thankful for the subject change. 'Which one's the cute girl you've been talking about?'

Cute girl?

Kaneki's face went paler than what it already was. His eyes widened as if he had seen a ghost. Small beads of sweat had started to gather on his forehead. He was panicked.

I couldn't help but feel a twinge of . . . something inside. My eyebrows shot up in surprise at my dear neighbor. He hadn't mentioned a girl to me. He had never mentioned a girl to me. Yumiko obviously hadn't heard anything about it, either, for she was making the same face as I was.

Cute girl?

Why had he never mentioned a cute girl in here to me? We were pretty close; he definitely could have. Did he not trust me enough? My eyes gazed down at the table. My mind was racing with thoughts. He was interested in another girl? It felt like a cold sweat was breaking out throughout my body. It was a tingle that I had never experienced before.

Was this what they called . . . jealousy?

What cute girl?

Kaneki swatted him away to tell him to hush. Hideyoshi raised a bushy brow before jutting a thumb in the waitresses direction. It was the same girl with the stylish haircut and pretty eyes. Kaneki blushed, and I glanced back down at my hands on the table. So, it was her, then?

'Kaneki, you weirdo. Why didn't you say anything to Nana and I?' Yumiko wrote, faking hurt.

I had a feeling she wasn't asking because her friend didn't let her in on the secret. She was asking because she knew how I felt. I shot her a pleading look. This conversation wasn't going the way that I wanted it to.

Kaneki's face grew even redder. 'It just happened one day when Hide and I were by ourselves. It was the first time I seen her. I was kinda embarrassed about it. Thanks, by the way, Hide . . . But, it isn't her. She works her. I was talking about a customer.'

Hideyoshi didn't pay the slightest attention to what Kaneki was writing. He raised his hand to wave the girl over. She turned to look at us with a somewhat startled expression. She rushed to the table with her little notebook. He said she wasn't the one that he had his eyes on. But, she was very pretty, and I couldn't blame him if he had lied about it to save him from further interrogation.

I could make out a bit of what Hideyoshi was saying by his lips. She still looked a bit startled, but she wrote down his new order. He motioned over to me, and I could make out the word cappuccino. I shot him a thankful smile. Leave it to my friend to order my drink for me.

Yumiko gave her own order. That was . . . until Hideyoshi jumped up and grabbed the girls hands. He barked a question to her with a proud face and a small blush on his cheeks. Her eyes went wide. My eyes went wide. What in the world was he doing?!

She said something quick and scurried off. Kaneki jumped up, slamming his hands on the table as he yelled at his friend. He looked thoroughly embarrassed by his display. Hideyoshi was not paying attention to him. He watched the girl leave with glitter in his eyes and the blush on his cheeks growing. I supposed he himself had ended up admiring her beauty.

Yumiko grabbed the pen to explain to me. 'Hide's genius self just asked her what her name was. Her name is Kirishima Touka. Then, he asked her if she had a boyfriend and just scared her off. I wouldn't be surprised if she spat in his coffee.'

I blinked twice. There was no way that Hideyoshi was that bold.

'Hide! What the hell, man!' Kaneki's writing was so hard the it tore a small hole in the page. 'Quit being obnoxious! This place is the only connection I have to the girl I was talking about! This is our daily hangout spot! What am I gonna do if you get us banned from here!?'

He went from red-faced to pale-faced in a matter of seconds. His eyes looked past Hideyoshi and I towards the shop's front door. I could make out the slight jingle of the bell above the door. We turned around to see what he was looking at. When I saw, I paled, too.

Walking into the shop was one of the most beautiful women I had ever met. She was curvatious with a body that accented her wide hips, thin waist, long legs, and large breasts. It was hidden, however, underneath a long-sleeved blouse and a long skirt. She had healthy, shiny, pinkish purple hair that hung over her shoulder tied by a white ribbon. Left-parted bangs framed her clear face. She had thin, red glasses that sat atop her petite button nose. She had to have came out of a magazine.

Hideyoshi's eyebrows shot up so far that they disappeared into his curtain of bangs. 'Kaneki!' he wrote so I could understand, too. 'I'm saying this for your own good . . . give up!'

Kaneki's face fell. 'What do you mean?'

'She's way too hot for you. If she took those glasses off, she'd be something else.'

I looked back down to the table. While the girl was breathtaking, Kaneki himself was quite handsome. His best feature in my opinion was his eyes. It was like liquid steel had been formed to make up the color of his irises. Surrounded by long lashes and pairing well with his jet black hair, he could have been a model himself if he ever decided to change up his style. The innocence and care behind his eyes were the windows to his soul. It was often what I found myself mesmerized with whenever we were around each other.

That said, I didn't think she was too good for him. Kaneki was a good guy. Any girl would be lucky to have him. I found myself playing with my cup of coffee as the previous waitress dropped our order off at our table. It was too apparent that the girl that would be lucky to have him was not me in his head. It was her.

I felt rejected in a way. It was impossible because he didn't know in the first place, but I hadn't even been considered an option. They had gawked at two different girls since Yumiko and I came in and none of them had been me. I was just Nana. I was just everyone's friend that walked around with a notebook and pen. I let out a small chuckle at myself. What had you been expecting?

We would've never worked out, anyways. There were too many handicaps in the road. I couldn't hear well. He would eventually get tired of being with a person he couldn't actually talk to. While he was practicing sign language, it would take him forever to be fluent enough to carry out conversations with me. Though our friendship worked fine, dating would become miserable for him. He wouldn't be happy. It would be ruined.

I had to put my feelings on the back burner. It wasn't important; helping my friend when he needed us was the only concern. If that girl was what he wanted, I would cheer him on whole-heartedly. He deserved it. We were friends before anything . . . especially my silly little crush. I decided that I would simply let it die out.

Kaneki's gaze lowered down to his cup, too, as he wrote, 'I know . . . she's out of my league. I'm happy just looking at her from afar. Plus, when our eyes meet . . . she smiles . . . a little bit.'

He looked over to where the girl made herself comfortable at a table a bit away from us. At that moment, she looked over as well, and their eyes met. She smiled at him. Kaneki's cheeks heated up into a light blush.

So, to encourage him, I wrote, 'Don't think like that, Kaneki. You're a great guy. If she doesn't see that in you, then that's her loss. Don't give up that fast.'

Yumiko shot me a look. It was confusion, surprise, and perhaps . . . sympathy all in one. I wouldn't pursue him. I had finally figured out what I wanted. I wanted my friend to live the life he wanted to without forking a wedge between us.

He nodded. 'Maybe . . . she actually feels the same about me.'

'Nana is way too sweet to you. She's the angel the heavens have sent down for you, you know. What you did to deserve that . . . we'll never know,' Hideyoshi wrote down, then shuddered when he caught Kaneki still staring. 'Dude, you know what? You're kinda . . . creepy. She's forcing a smile because you're staring at her.'

Kaneki instantly looked away. I laughed. The way he was acting was charming in a way. I supposed he didn't have much experience in the girls department. Though, I had never asked him nor had it ever came up in a conversation. I made a mental note to ask him about it later.

We finished our coffees for the next thirty minutes in laughter. Yumiko and Hideyoshi's antics continued like normal. It was a good way to get my mind off of the topic. I liked the way things were. It was like my own little disfunctional family in Tokyo.

After talks about assignments, movies, arguements, and celebrities, Hideyoshi stood up. 'Well, I got to the see the girl you were telling me about. I should get going. I gotta go to work.'

I had forgot he started a new job a few days ago. I was happy for him. He said his first deposit was going to go to groceries so that I could cook him his favorite meal. I couldn't argue with that. Hideyoshi seemed to be the biggest fan of my average cooking skills, and who would I be to deny my friend of what he wanted to spend his hard earned money on?

I explained to him that I would walk with him. Yumiko said that she had to return back home to check on her sister; Anzai was stopping by later with leftovers from the restaurant he worked at for them. I thought about going back with her so I wouldn't have to cook tonight. But, by the time that I would be going home, it would be later, and with the news earlier that didn't sound like the best idea. Kaneki said he wanted to keep the coffee shop scenery to help him finish the current book he was reading. The three of us would be walking home without him.

I made him promise to be home by ten o'clock. I would keep my phone by me waiting for him to text me he made it in. He laughed my concern off. He was a man, he would be okay. Still, ghouls were ghouls, and he shouldn't be out too late. He agreed to call me when he got home as long as I stayed in after dark. Sounded like a deal.

The three of us walked the streets together in a comfortable silence. Yumiko broke off after a few minutes. Her house was in the opposite direction. We all said our goodbyes as we watched her cross the intersection back to her place. Once she was safely across the street, Hideyoshi nodded his head in the direction we were going to tell me to continue walking. I smiled. While he may have been a goofball, Hideyoshi was very protective of Yumiko and I. I wondered if his job was even this way or if he just wanted to walk me home.

Our walk was short-lived as well. He told me that he had to go the other way when we got a few minutes away from my apartment. I nodded in understanding. I was grateful that he had walked me this far. He put a hand on the top of my head to ruffle my hair, smirked, and made his way down to his job.

When I got home, I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket. The text message that flashed across the screen made me blush.

From Hideeee!:

I will always be on team Nana! My fantasy team!

I sighed. This guy . . . Unfortunately, there is no more team Nana.

I DIDN'T REALLY indulge in watching television. I was more of a book kind of girl. I was a dreamer in my head. There was a certain charm about using my imagination that the screen didn't give me. I got to invision things the way they were in my mind. Maybe losing most of my hearing played a big part in me wanting to mentally fill in the blanks. Though it may have been black and white on the page, it was full of color in my head.

My mother had once told me that was her favorite trait of mine. She told me that it didn't matter that my hearing was weak. I could still hear. Not literally, but in the sense that my imagination conjured up where my senses drew short. I didn't see her sign at me. I heard her. I was a fresh take on an otherwise helpless situation. I was her little dreamer.

It didn't take away from the fact that I could enjoy a film every now and then. My friend Anzai was a slight closeted otaku. I had ran into him yesterday after school. He was nose deep in a manga with a drawing of a blonde-haired girl and black-haired boy on the front. When I asked him about it, he gave it to me. He was rereading the series over again so he didn't technically need it. But, he recommended that I watched the anime series instead. They had fit in far more scenes than the mangas.

So, I sat there at my chabudai table in the middle of my studio apartment. A bag of potato chips rested on the table that I was eating from along with a can of green tea. I had a white face mask on that resembled a fitted, wet sheet of paper with the eyes, nose, and mouth cut out. My hair was pulled up into a messy bun at the top of my head with a fuzzy, pink headband to keep my hair out of my face mask. I was in an oversized tshirt and a pair of comfortable short shorts. There was no class today, so I had decided to spend my day lazing away. It was serene.

The show was about a girl who grew up neighbors to two boys. The typical shoujo anime. One was light-haired and quiet. The other was dark-haired and popular. The three of them were childhood friends. That was, until she started developing a crush on the both of them. It was the classic story of a love triangle. And while the popular one was fit, sporty, fun, and protective, a big part of me was hoping that she picked the shy, talented, and sweet friend. Or maybe they shouldn't be dating at all to save their friendship.

My jaw dropped when the quiet boy confessed to her. My eyes read the subtitles faster in excitement. She accepted his confession, and I squealed out loud. Yes! They're going to be together!

My flashing phone brought me out of my girlish fantasy. I picked it up as I chewed on another circular potato chip. It was Kaneki. The words 'open the door' was in his text message along with a bunch of exclaimation points. I raised an eyebrow. What could he be on about?

I replied to his message saying that I had left my door unlocked. It was only two in the afternoon. My window was open as well to let in fresh air and sunlight. I placed my phone back onto the table after pressing send.

Before I could wonder what was so important that it requires eight exclaimation points, my front door burst open. In rushed my dark-haired neighbor. He kicked his shoes off at the front entrance and just about ran over to me. I watched in confusion. He was in a blue and white striped tshirt, black shorts, and black socks. He must have been at home chilling before he decided to come over.

I made work of getting a notebook out of my school bag. When I sat back down, he was already at the table sitting with a wide grin plastered on his face. I shot him a suspicious look. What in the world could he be so happy over?

He wasted no time grabbing a pen, and writing on an empty page, 'I'm going out on a date with Rize!'

I blinked at it a few times before replying, 'Uh . . . who is Rize again?'

'The girl from Anteiku! The pretty one with the glasses!'

Oh . . .

Her.

While I was in here watching romance on a television screen, he was out in real life actually experiencing it. It was the girl that we had seen at the shop earlier that week. It was the one with silky long hair and a face that should've been on a magazine cover. It was the girl he liked.

I tried my best not to have a deadpan look on my face. He barged in here for that? I had barely hang out with Kaneki since that day we were all at Anteiku. He had been missing the past few days making excuses that he had to study. Apparently he was trying to win over the girl in that time, blowing me off in hopes of seeing her. I kind of hurt my feelings a bit. But, what friend wouldn't be happy for the other getting the girl they want?

It was like he had cut open an old wound and threw salt on it. I wondered if he could tell that my smile was half fake. I looked back over at the now couple on the screen. Regardless of what I thought, I had to be there for him like I knew he would have been there for me.

'That's great!' was my response. 'How did that happen?'

His writing was erratic. 'The day you, Hide, and Yumiko left, she bumped into the table and dropped her book. She was reading Egg of the Black Goat by Takatsuki Sen, the one I been telling you to read! She loves him! Her name is Kamishiro Rize. We talked, but I didn't see her again until yesterday. I asked her out and she said yes. She just texted me today scheduling it for this weekend.'

I read his paragraph with raised brows. So, he hadn't been completely blowing me off on purpose if they just met again yesterday. That helped with the sting a little bit. It didn't totally heal the wound.

He wrote again before I could. 'We're gonna talk about our favorite books! It's my first ever outing with a girl . . . On top of that, it's the bookstore date of my dreams! Nana, I'm so happy I could die right now!'

I let out a small smile seeing him shaking with excitement. It was good to see him that happy over something. I could still see the nervousness lingering in his gray eyes. He was always an easy book to read.

I offered him some of my potato chips, 'A bookstore date . . . how romantic! You'll do great, Kaneki. Just relax!'

'I don't know how!'

I laughed, grabbing the remote to change the show. I would come back later. I flipped on the news as background ambience. He reached into the bag of chips to pull out two and stuff them into his mouth. Once he was chewing, he fell back to lay on his back on the floor and stare dreamily up at the ceiling. I watched him with a smile. I was glad that we were comfortable enough with each other that he felt he could lounge around my apartment and I wasn't embarrased to be seen in my face mask. He didn't even question it.

I nudged his foot with mine, writing, 'Just make sure you maintain eye contact and listen to what she has to say. You'll do good. You don't have to be so nervous.'

I held up the notebook so he could read what I had to say. He read it, mouthing the words 'like this?' He turned his head to look up at me. It was then did our eyes meet.

It wasn't the first time it had happened. Hell, I doubted it would be the last. But, the look in his eyes was . . . different that time. I knew that he was only testing out my instructions to perform on Rize, but I couldn't help being entranced by his stare. It was full of care, actual interest, a look that I had seen multiple times on television dramas. It was the look that every girl dreamed of. It was a look that felt like it had stopped time itself. It was also then did I come to terms with everything. I definitely and unbearably had a crush on Kaneki . . . and I was deeply jealous of Kamishiro Rize.

He was so beautiful-inside and out. Out of the entire friend group, I felt the strongest connection with him. He was the first one that I met, after all. That day where I was moving in and he seen me. It was crazy to think that that was months ago. I never thought my timid neighbor would be here now with me in my most vulnerable state. And still, as I held his eye contact, I knew I would never be able to tell him how glad I was that I moved here . . . How glad I was to have him in my life . . . How much of an impact he's had on my previously dull life. Ken Kaneki was the color in my imagination.

If only he knew. Would he cancel his date with Rize?

I was the first to break eye contact. No, I couldn't do that to him. He liked her. I couldn't allow myself to be selfish this one time. He had done so much for me. All the studying we've done, introducing me to his friends, inviting me into his world, helping me through school, making sure I was safe . . . I couldn't do that to him. So, though my cheeks felt like they were on fire, I saved him the trouble of hurting my feelings. I could do that for him.

He sat back up with a smile. 'How was that?'

'It was good. Don't go practicing your love techniques on me now, though. Scared me half to death,' I replied.

He laughed so loud that I could make out small murmurs of it. He was happy, I supposed. That was really all that mattered.

I looked back over to the news station. They were showing clips of another closed off crime scene. That would be the third one this week. It seemed like the attacks not only were getting closer, but they were getting more and more frequent. A man holding a microphone to report the news stood in front of the yellow-taped street. They had the entire thing blocked off. It was one of the ways to our university.

The man's mouth moved along with the subtitles. 'A similar incident took place on Shirakami Street,' he explained. 'The composition of the body fluid matched that found at the scene from the twenty-eighth earlier this week.'

Kaneki waved a hand in front of my face to bring my attention back to him. 'If it goes good, I'll take you out to eat the next day! I owe it to you for getting the courage to talk to her. Thank you, Nana.'

Maybe . . . just maybe . . . I could be selfish in my own way.

'We'll see,' I wrote, knowing I wouldn't be going with him anywhere because that was just too much. 'We'll see . . .'

I will say that I feel like this chapter is a bit on the shorter side, but I wanted to establish everyone's relationships a bit more before we got deeper into the story. And there you have it! We are officially at the start of Tokyo Ghoul! I have only seen an episode or two of the anime. I've only ever read the manga, so the story will be more tailored to that. I do plan on remixing it around to save from reading event to event.

Also, thank you very much for the warm welcome back! I had thought this story was long forgotten, but the views were way more than what I was expecting. I would love your feedback to help better my writing and to make this the best story possible for everyone! I love to see that you guys are enjoying it as much as I am. It took me a while to get the storyline, flow, and characters back together, and I personally feel like everything is better the second time around.

Fun Fact of the Chapter: Nana's favorite food is curry and rice.