"Was it my fault?" the woman had said. She was sitting in a chair in front of me. For the life of me, I couldn't tell who she was. "Did you love me?" she said. She looked sad. She looked familiar. "Don't you remember? it's me, Sonia."
I remember now. I remember everything.
But I couldn't say anything.
"I guess I'll be on my way then. I admit I knew this was coming but I never expected you'd be the one to end everything." She stood up and faced away from me. "I would have never broken up with you. the only way I could have is if you did." She paused for a moment. "looks like you finally got tired of me right? I should have been ready to understand something like that, you know?" She began walking away into the empty darkness surrounding us. "My love was real, Eli. I wish yours was."
I woke up.
The sun came beading in, assaulting my closed eyes. I attempted to block the sun with my hand, but to no avail; I was already far from falling back asleep. Something was odd; I felt as if I were in a bed far from my own. I was able to tell the difference due to my bed being uncomfortable and creaky. My assumption was confirmed as I looked around to view an entirely different room from my own. It was a simple-style bedroom with somewhat of an Asian design. The window from which the sun entered gave me a view of the outside. It was not the sun, but just fog. I could only see a few meters outside. I saw houses almost identical to each other near mine. They had a resemblance to Asian homes.
How did I arrive here? The last thing I can remember is that I was in my room, sitting in front of my computer. I was finishing some visual novel game; however, I can not seem to recall what its name was. After I finished it, I was left with an emotion of sorrow, as if I had lost someone very close to me. Then I fell asleep on my bed, not here. I started scratching my wrist; it was an instinctive thing to do when I was nervous or trying to think.
Still gazing out the window, I saw someone walking in my direction. They were wearing a school uniform that was tanned brown with a blue skirt. As they got closer, I could see more of their characteristics: it was a girl with light orange hair that didn't go past her shoulders. She had a red bow in her hair. My memory suddenly returned to me. That was my supposed closest friend from childhood, Sayori. My mind went racing—how was I here? What is going on? I looked over at the unknown closet; it had the same uniform as Sayori's. However, it was a male uniform. I suddenly felt weird, as if my stomach felt sick.
What was going on? Why was Sayori here, and where the hell was here? I saw myself through a mirror placed on the closet door. I saw myself just as I had fallen asleep, with sweatpants and a shirt with some rock band on it. My long brown straight hair was messy, as it always was. My skinny appearance made it look like I was on the brink of starvation, but I overeat a lot. I looked at specific parts of my body that I knew for sure had scars. However, all my scars were gone, as if this wasn't a replica of my body but a completely new one. I grabbed my school clothes and quickly put them on as I heard the doorbell ring. As I was descending the stairs, I noticed that I recognized the layout of the house. However, it was not my house, as I didn't live in a house; I resided in an apartment. I went to the front door, still buttoning up my blazer, I opened the door and came face to face with Sayori. Her features were more prominent and recognizable. She had her school bag in hand.
I remained silent as I recalled the last time I saw her. Her corpse, still hanging from the ceiling, had blood at her fingertips. The urge to throw up hit me. She was the one to initiate a conversation before I could. "Eli? Is something on my face?" Her words fell upon my ears; however, I was deaf at that moment. I was still stunned. She knew my name; would it be logical to play along?
After what felt like an eternity, I said, "No, sorry, it's nothing." I swallowed and cleared my throat because, for some unknown reason, my voice sounded more raspy than usual.
"Are you ready for our senior year?" She asked me. Senior year? I thought Japanese schools didn't measure their students like that. "Sure, let's go then," I said in response, hoping my voice would return to normal and that she would guide me to this supposed school. I grabbed a bag off of a coat rack and found keys inside the bag. I locked the door with them, and we began making our way toward the school.
It was difficult to tell where we were going. The fog was heavy, and only a few lights were visible. The fog didn't seem normal whatsoever. There was something off about it. like it was not made of water but something chemically man-made.
Sayori seemed not to be disturbed by this fog, as if it were regular in this place. If I could recall correctly, none of the moments within the visual novel had any moments of fog. While I had many queries regarding this weather, I didn't want to ask Sayori because I was still thinking about her suicide.
"So, are you thinking of joining any clubs this year?" Sayori asked. I knew what she wanted; it was only obvious at this point.
"No, I haven't given it any consideration," I told her while scratching my wrist. She looked happy.
"Well, I have one club you can join; it's the literature club!" She said it with a smile. Was I supposed to join? I know that you don't join till later in the game, such as after school, but all I can do is hope this doesn't affect anything too seriously.
"The literature club? That's your club, right? I've been thinking, I should at the very least visit and see if it's a good fit for me." I said. She looked even happier than before. She pulled me into a hug, or at least her impression of how it would feel to be crushed in a car compactor.
"That's so great! Thank you, Eli!" She yelled. I was in pain, but I said nothing. She let go, and we continued walking. "I can't wait for after school," she said with the same smile. It still struck me as odd how she's so happy right now, but deep down, I know she's suffering. During the game, there was nothing I could do to help her. All I could do was watch helplessly as she got even worse. I hope now I can make an impact. The way there was odd. There was a shortage of people walking to this supposed school. There would be the occasional car passing, but out of our entire walk there, I only observed two passing.
Only a couple of seconds after our conversation ended, we made it to school. Oddly, it seemed like I only lived a few blocks away from the school. I looked at the sign and saw its name, "Midwich High School," an odd name for a Japanese school.
"So Eli, I'll meet you after school, okay?" I nodded, and she walked off into the school. There were other students present as well, but not as many as there appeared to be. Oddly enough, it looks like there are too few students to attend this school, but I wouldn't know how Japanese schools work. All the students I had seen, besides Sayori, did not have bright-colored hair, and none of them looked familiar at all. I walked into the school. It was a regular Japanese school with some hints that it contained American features. Classroom designs, doors, room numbers, and colors, for example.
I looked inside my bag and saw a folded piece of paper, pencils, notebooks, and a phone. While none of these struck me as odd, the phone was the exception. It was a pink flip phone. I looked at it to see that it was empty, except for one contact, Sayori. I closed the phone and took out the folded paper. It was a note that had my class's locations for the day. Not only that but there was also something written on the back: "I'm waiting for you." It struck me as somewhat cryptic; however, I sort of know who it is from. I made it to my class, and it was normal. Nothing but the basics of biology—I never thought I'd have to sit through another class. I had already graduated high school and never planned on going to college. I just got a job that paid well and ranked up to get paid more.
The next two classes proceeded as normal, and lunch had finally arrived. I made my way to the lunchroom; the hallways looked empty as if there wasn't anyone in the school. The lunch room was filled with students, but there seemed to be only forty. I grabbed a plate of food, a Salisbury steak with mashed potatoes and corn, and sat at a corner table. As I looked at my food, I suddenly became aware that what was served was American food. I began to question the reality of this school, but I decided there were more pressing matters than that. I looked around for anyone who looked familiar, but there were none. The people sitting a few spaces away from me were discussing their everyday lives.
The last two classes proceeded as normal, and as quickly as the day had started, it came to an end. I felt as if this day was rushed like it was sped up without my knowledge, as if time moved faster. I exited my classroom and was not expecting to see Sayori standing so close to the door. As a result, it caused me to almost stumble backward. "Eli, are you ready to go?" She asked.
"You scared me, Sayori," I said, watching her become nervous.
"Sorry, I didn't mean to, I just wanted to come and get you for the club."
"It's all right; let's just go, okay?" She nodded, and we began walking to the supposed clubroom.
"One of our group members, Natsuki, made cupcakes, and she was going to bring them today."
"Sayori, I already said I'd join; a bribe is unnecessary." She looked shocked as if I had offended her.
"I am not trying to bribe you, I just wanted you to know."
I chuckled, "Well, I know you'll enjoy them."
"Welp, let's go," She said cheerfully as I watched the door to the classroom open. Within this room lies pain, suffering, regret, abuse, loss, and depression. I don't know if I could even help negate those emotions. I started to scratch my wrist even more now. I could see the red marks left on it. Can I save everyone? Would I even be able to save her? Not Sayori. It was someone else. She was more real to me than the others. I figured she would recognize who I am, but all I can do now is hope for the best. I walked into the classroom.
"Welcome, our newest member, Eli!" Sayori proclaimed it as if it were the new word of God. There they were, all together, huddled in a group. There was a tall girl, around five feet and five inches; she was wearing the same outfit as everyone else in the school. She had long purple hair and was holding on tightly to a book. This was Yuri, the supposed Maiden of Mystery. I had taken some interest in her, mainly because of her self-harm in the second act. On her left side was a more diminutive girl, around four feet tall. She was donning the uniform with pink hair fastened into petite pigtails held with a clip. This was Natsuki, who was cute on the inside, as the game described her. Of course, I knew everything about her bratty and obnoxious side.
Finally, at the far left of the two of them was a girl wearing the uniform, however, with black nylon socks and pink shoes instead of the usual white socks and white shoes. She was around five feet tall, and her hair was some sort of light brown color tied back into a long ponytail. I could see her emerald-green eyes piercing into my soul. It was as if I had met a long-lost friend. A friend who was important to me and who I was to her. The president of the club, the mastermind behind the second act of this horrifying game, and someone very close to me. There stood Monika.
There was nothing but silence for a few seconds. The only sound was the wind coming in through a slightly ajar window. I stared at Monika, wondering if she knew my presence here was unnatural.
Suddenly, Monika spoke, "Eli, we need to talk." She had said it in such a serious tone that the other girls were surprised at her sudden change in demeanor.
Sayori looked concerned and asked, "Is everything okay?" I looked at her and saw her blue eyes staring back at me. Monika wasn't the type to be demanding, except during the second act. However, even before the horror of this game was revealed, she was sweet and caring. I hope she still is.
"Don't worry," I said to Sayori, "we just need to talk about some schoolwork." She looked calmer, even relieved. Monika walked outside of the classroom, and I followed her. I could feel the eyes of the girls staring at us. I started to claw at my wrist, now even harder than I usually would. I continued as my anxiety grew; what was Monika planning to say?
She closed the door behind us and faced me with a serious expression, the same one I had. Even though we were only a foot apart, I could hear her soft, quiet, and gentle breath. Her emerald eyes met mine. Without any warning, Monika pulled me into a hug. Her head lay upon my chest, and her arms were wrapped around my body. She stayed in that position for a few moments before moving away.
"I'm sorry, I just needed to do that," she said with sad eyes."It's okay; I think I needed that as well," I reassured her. "You know this place never had any fog, right?" I questioned. She nodded and looked concerned."I don't know why it's like this now. I didn't do anything; I can't either way." She couldn't do anything? "What are you talking about? You can manipulate the world; why can't you do it anymore?" She looked down at the floor and said, "My access was restricted when I brought you here." That sentence brought up another subject I hadn't thought about: why was I brought here into this world?
"Wait," I interrupted, "why am I here? How did you even get me here?" I asked. She was still looking downward, seemingly unable to look at me. It was as if she was about to confess that she had murdered someone. "I wanted to bring you here because I love you, Eli, and I couldn't bear to never be with you, so I brought you here." I never said I wanted to be here. I was doing alright in my life.
I had a small apartment in a small town in Texas. Everything is bigger in Texas, they would say, but that saying only applied to the prices of housing. My apartment was simple. It was one bedroom, and that's it. I was living alone; sure, it was what I wanted considering how annoying my family was, but I was still pretty lonely. I had a girlfriend; her name was Sonia. She was the most beautiful woman I've ever met, and she had everything I could ask for. She was sweet, kind, understanding, funny, and humble. However, I broke up with her because of me. While I was happy with her, I was suffering from a lot of mental problems. Depression, self-harm. With those slowly becoming worse, she took notice. She was stressed out because of me. I didn't want to see her like that. I began slowly pushing her away, hanging out with her less, and talking less. I began to lose feelings for her. I thought it was a good thing. It'll make the breakup easy for me, at least.
I had just finished playing some games when Sonia knocked on my door. I opened it to see her worried expression.
"Eli? You called?" I felt a strange sensation in my heart. "I think we need to break up." Her eyes widened, and her mouth parted slightly. It must have felt like an unimaginable pain in her heart; that's how all breakups feel. Still, I needed her to hear this. "You aren't happy with me; I see your texts and the way you act; you're stressed out over me. I don't want you to be like that. If you're not happy, then I'm not either. I'm sorry, but we can no longer be together."
"Wait, Eli, please, I can change. I'm sorry; please don't do this." Sonia said she was pleading. I didn't want to do this, but I had to. As I closed the door, Sonia spoke once more, "Give me one more chance, Eli please, I'm sorry." I walked back to my room and sat down on the bed. I looked up at the computer. There was Monika's poem thanking me for everything. I began crying silently. After that, I fell asleep. When I woke, I was here in this new world.
Monika's voice retrieved me from my recollection: "Are you okay?" In truth, I wasn't. I was remembering all the times with Sonia.
My eyes got watery, but no tears fell from my eyes, "I'm okay," and I quickly rubbed my eyes. Monika's face had grown with worry. "It's Sonia, right?" she asked. I was confused—how did she know about Sonia? "How did you know?" I tried to smile.
She held onto my hands and said, "Because I saw almost everything, I watched her give you everything I wanted to give you—love, comfort, solitude, everything. But I couldn't; I was only able to watch. When I saw you cry after breaking up with Sonia, it hurt me as much as it did you. I wanted to give you solitude. I wanted to tell you that everything would be okay." I was taken aback. Did she love me this much? What the hell?
I looked at her, those emerald-green eyes staring into my soul, waiting for an answer. I didn't know what to say. "Monika, I don't know how I feel about this; just give me some time to process this, please." She didn't say anything; she just nodded. "Are you ready to head back inside?" Again, she said nothing and nodded. I felt as if I had done something. "What's wrong? Did I do something wrong? I'm sorry, I didn't mean to." I said. My words, those damn words, sorry didn't mean to; it's my fault. I clawed at my forearm.
Sonia was very understanding of me, always knowing I didn't mean to do something. However, it was another event that led me to repeat those words constantly within our relationship. I had another girlfriend before Sonia; her name was Victoria. She wasn't a good girl, getting into trouble doing drugs. Why did I date her? Because she was my first lover and a damn good lair. She manipulated me into stealing money, drugs, medications, and a lot of other things. She would cheat on me, but she always managed to convince me otherwise. She always managed to convince people that I was the culprit and that she was just an innocent girl, a bystander. I would always apologize to her because the drugs would make her mad for some unknown reason.
One day, I was going to tell her I didn't want to date anymore, but I ended up finding out she was in the hospital for an overdose. She was at a party and overdosed; however, she was just passed around by the men at the party and used like a harlot all without her knowing. She was in the hospital for weeks, and every time I visited, she wanted me to steal and would throw a tantrum if I refused. It turned out she was pregnant, and I didn't want any part of this anymore. I left the town, which at the time was somewhere north of Tucson, Arizona, and went south to Texas. But that experience of dating her left me scared. I never told anyone, not even Sonia.
"What? No, no, it's okay," Monika reassured me. "I was just thinking about something." Her hand grabbed onto the door. "Are you ready? I nodded, trying to forget about remembering everything about my past. However, it was going to be difficult to live with the fact that I am alone again. While I do have Monika loving me every step of the way, I just feel like it won't last. But I can't let that get to me right now. I need to focus on the present because that's all I can do. I can't mourn the past; it's gone, and I'll never get another chance to fix it. So I'll fix what's happening now. I'll escape this world and maybe even help the others escape as well. I can't let the past hold me down anymore.
"Do I know you?" Asked a familiar voice. I turned to see who it was, and because this world was too normal, there had to be one fatal flaw with it. There she was, wearing the same uniform as me, Sonia.