"So you ready for this?", Rusty sighs as we stand at the airport gate waiting for our parents to arrive. It was Sunday evening and tomorrow was my graduation, not to mention one of my last days here in Cyprus. If I didn't already have enough to be sad about, I had to move home for the summer with Rusty and my parents.
"Ready for graduation? Ready to tell Cappie, who I can barely even look in the eye, that I'm having his baby?", I roll my eyes at him. "What do you think Rus?"
Rusty looks at me with a slightly scared look before speaking.
"Uh… I meant are you ready for mom and dad to be in town…?", Rusty says to me cautiously.
"Oh", I shake my head and then nod. "Sorry, obviously thats what you meant. I'm just a little on edge".
I tap my hand on the railing beside me anxiously.
"Really? I hadn't noticed", Now it's Rusty's turn to be sarcastic. I give him a slight glare.
"Hey you're not the one who's gotta break the news to three really important people within the next few days", I groan. "You and Ashleigh were easy… but mom and dad… they're gonna kill me".
"Well I was always their favorite child anyway", Rusty boasts, annoyingly.
"Exactly! And now this just gives them more reason to think that I'm a stupid sorority girl ditz who doesn't know how to use birth control", I pace slightly.
"Not that I even really want to know… but how did you get pregnant?", Rusty looks at me like he's cringing inside. "Because even though mom and dad may not think so, I know you're not just some stupid sorority girl who doesn't know how to use birth control".
I give him a soft look, slightly touched by Rusty's care for me.
"I forgot to take my birth control a bit over spring break", I shake my head at the stupidity of myself just a few weeks prior. " I guess I was on a spring break high not thinking anything could go wrong. And the condom situation is hazy at best that night. It was when we were all drinking before my birthday".
"Oh", Rusty nods still looking uncomfortable.
"Don't have sex again Rusty", I say to him, serious. "I'm not kidding, wait until you're like 30 and can actually take care of a kid because you just never know and then you end up like me; having a panic attack in the airport!"
Rusty puts both his hands on my shoulders then, steadying me and stopping me from ferociously pacing.
"Case", He looks at me serious. "Don't worry. I know this is all really scary, but it's going to be okay. This isn't the absolute end of the world".
For some reason he makes me feel better by saying that and by making me stop my spiralling thoughts.
"What are you two doing?", I hear a familiar voice. "I could use a little help with my bag".
Me and Rusty lock eyes in a panic and then look over to see our mother.
"Mom!", Rusty goes right up to hug her and I see my dad walk up now with his suitcase.
"Casey! How's my graduate?", my dad smiles at me.
I lean in to give him a hug.
"Okay. You know! Same old, same old", I shrug with a nervous smile.
Would my parents be able to tell? I hoped not.
"Look Casey, Rusty's carrying my bag for me to the car", My mom makes sure to let me know that she has a favorite child, and I certainly am not the one.
"That's great mom", I say deadpanned and look at Rusty as the weight of her suitcase just about makes him fall over.
"So you guys are good if me and Casey head out then?", Rusty asks my parents. We're in their hotel room after they've just gotten settled in.
"What do you mean? I thought we could grab some dinner?", my mom looks at us sadly.
"I thought we were gonna get dinner tomorrow night mom? You know, after graduation?", I ask, suddenly wracked with the dread of having to sit through one more family dinner than I had thought.
"Yeah actually, me and Casey both have this greek event tonight", Rusty fakes a disappointed look. "Otherwise we would love to".
"Oh too bad", My dad nods.
Good one Rusty. Good one.
"Yeah Rusty's right", I play along. "It's our last one of the year too, so… it's pretty important".
"Okay well don't stay out too late Casey, you've gotta be up and at em for graduation tomorrow", My mom comes over to me to give me a hug.
"I won't mom, thanks", I nod as me and Rusty make our way to the door.
"Oh wait! Before you guys leave", my dad stops us and pulls out a bottle of champagne from the desk. "I got this downstairs. I thought we could toast to Casey's graduation weekend!"
Me and Rusty share a panicked look at each other.
"Oh you shouldn't have!", I say trying to look as excited and grateful as I can.
Really, I think. I wish you wouldn't have Dad.
"We're gonna be drinking tonight so… maybe we should just do that tomorrow", Rusty shrugs, and I'm grateful for his effort in trying to divert any suspicion that I may be pregnant.
"Nonsense Russell! We know you kids can drink, we're not naive to the things you've been doing the past few years here", Mom laughs.
Things we've been doing like getting pregnant? I think to myself nervously. Oh mom. If you only knew.
My dads already started to pour four glasses and my heart starts to pound.
Should I just pretend to drink it? Or did I have to come out right now and tell them I was pregnant? I really didn't want to do that until after tomorrow had passed.
Maybe just one little drink of Champagne would be fine for the baby? I might not even keep it anyways.
Ugh! What am I gonna do?!
My dad passes then around to us and I meet Rusty's eyes with a look.
"To Casey! We are so proud of you honey. You have been so studious these past few years and worked so hard", My dad says.
"And now law school! We couldn't be prouder hun! I used to worry about you finding your way because you're so unlike Rusty, but you've got a bright future ahead of you", Mom adds.
Crap, crap, crap! If they only knew.
"Thanks dad… and mom", I force myself to smile as we cheers.
Rusty, my mom and my dad take a sip of their champagne but I stand still like a statue, truly unsure what to do in this moment.
"Casey is something wrong?", My mom asks.
"Um… well", I scramble. "It's just that I'm not really drinking right now. I didn't want to say anything because it was so nice of you to get this but… we're all doing like a… a sober pact at the house".
I hope this excuse is gonna fly. Because it sounds pretty stupid coming out of my mouth.
Mom and dad look at me confused.
"I just… wouldn't want to let the house down, and of course they wouldn't know if I took a sip… but I would", I play it up. "And I'm getting really serious about becoming sober. Sometimes my drinking could get out of hand and I don't want to slip back into old patterns".
They still look at me confused so I'm thankful when Rusty chimes in.
"It's true, it's actually pretty admirable", Rusty adds.
"Honey", My mom puts down her drink and crosses her arms. "Don't tell me you're pregnant".
My dad looks at her and then at me, shocked. If it weren't for my mom seeing past my bullshit I'm pretty sure my dad would've bought it.
"Mom…", Is all I can stammer out.
"Oh my god!", My mom puts her head in her hands and moves back to sit down on the bed. "Casey!"
"I know, I know. I'm sorry. I'm really really sorry", I plead. "I didn't mean to".
"Well I should hope not", She looks back up at me, tears in her eyes.
"Wait hold on, who's pregnant?", My dad says, still in a state of utter confusion.
"Casey is, dad", Rusty mutters to him quietly but really this conversation is always gonna be between me and Mom. She was always the hardest on me.
"Who's the father?!", my moms wiping at her now smeared eye makeup.
"Um… Cappie. That guy I've been dating the past few months", I say. "I mean we broke up now but…"
"You're not even with him?!", My mom reaches for the tissue box now.
"Wait… Cappie as in that guy whose the president of Rusty's fraternity?", Dad asks, looking upset. "Oh no, Casey".
On parents weekend last year my parents met Cappie briefly when they were visiting Kappa Tau and I revealed to them the partying, alcoholic tendencies of the KTs. I'm really wishing I hadn't done that now but at the time I wanted them to see that Rusty was not their perfect little boy they thought he was.
"C'mon he's not bad", I argue. "Rusty likes him".
I look at Rusty for support.
"Yeah it's true. Cappie is a really, really good guy. And he treats Casey really good", Rusty nods. "He's one of my best friends, he's my big brother".
"Is he graduating tomorrow too? Will we see him there because I'd like some words with him", Dad looks mad now.
"Well…. One, no he's not graduating and two…. I can take care of myself dad so please do not do anything crazy", I sigh. "This whole thing is just as much my fault as it is his".
"I cannot believe this. I finally thought you were doing something with your life Casey", My mom looks down solemnly.
"That's not really fair mom, I have worked hard. I'm getting my degree! And… I don't even know what I'm gonna do about being pregnant anyway. You have to understand that the fact that I got pregnant doesn't erase all that I've done the past few years", I'm mad at her now and maybe I don't have a right to be but it just hurt how I could never be enough in her eyes.
"You don't know what you're gonna do?", She asks ignoring the rest of my words.
"With the baby, I … I haven't decided whether to keep it", I say. "I was going to tell you I was pregnant when I decided what I'm gonna do because I don't know yet".
"Well you know me and your dad wouldn't have ever chosen for you to have to go through an abortion but… we'll support you if that's the choice you make. It would sure make things a lot easier. What does this Cappie say about it?", She asks.
"He… doesn't know yet", I say, slightly ashamed.
"Well that's good because once you tell him maybe he'll wise up and propose and then… then this won't be so bad", my dad says.
"Dad! I'm not getting married okay? That's not the solution to anything. It's 2010, I don't have to marry or be in a relationship with him just because he's the father of a hypothetical baby", I argue.
"It's not exactly hypothetical though Casey", Dad retorts.
"How far along are you?", My moms still dotting at her eyes with tissues.
"Like 6 and a half weeks", I say awkwardly. "Still really early".
"Alright well at least you found out early so you can still get it taken care of if you want", my mom sighs. "I never thought this would happen".
"Mom, I didn't either. I'm on the pill, well I was until I broke up with my boyfriend…", I groan. "It's been really hard the past week. I have no idea what the right thing to do is".
My mom takes a moment then and reluctantly gets up to give me a light hug as tears fill my eyes.
"We're here for you Casey", She sighs. "That's not to say I'm not still very upset with you".
"I know. I'm sorry", a tear escapes my eye. "Really".
"I'd still like to give that Cappie guy of yours a piece of my mind", my dad shakes his head.
"Dad", I groan. "Please, I need to tell him myself. I want to tell him tomorrow if he's at my graduation".
"And what if he's not?", Mom points out. "You said he wasn't graduating".
"Well… if he's not then… maybe I just won't tell him until I've really figured out what to do", I say. "If I decide not to keep it I don't really have to tell him at all".
"Which I think is a horrible plan", Rusty adds.
"You should tell him Casey, if you do have this baby. To give him a chance to be in its life. Wouldn't you want that for… your son or daughter", I can tell my mom is uncomfortable saying it.
"It's a big if", I remind her. "But I get what you're saying".
"She's having a hard time because they broke up a few weeks ago and aren't really on speaking terms", Rusty explains. "But I keep telling her that if she just told him he would be there for her".
Rusty gives me a look as he speaks.
"And I keep telling you that we don't know that. We don't know what Cappie's reaction will be since he probably couldn't even take care of a goldfish", I say back to Rusty, my hands on my hips.
"You know that's not true Case", Rusty looks genuinely upset.
"I know… I'm just…", I put my fingers on my temples. "I feel nauseas and headachey and really don't want this to be happening so I'm just lashing out at everyone".
"Well it is happening honey. And you have to deal with it eventually", My mom says.
"I know", I nod and sit down on the bed beside her. "I know".
"Why don't we get dinner just the two of us and talk about things Casey?", My mom suggests.
Me and my mom hadn't really done anything like that since I was a freshman in high school. But, as much as I hated to admit it, I did need her right now.
"Okay mom", I nod. "Thanks".