When Sky opened the front door, Hawk's heart almost stopped. His hand which had been hovering near the doorbell to press it again, froze in mid-air and he drew in a fast, nervous breath.
Sky looked horrible.
She stood in the doorway small, shivering, barefoot, wearing a pair of leggings and a black hoodie with a Slipknot logo, one that was way too big for her and made her look tiny. Her face was pale, her eyes swollen and red, she looked like she hadn't slept at all - which probably was the case, considering what had happened yesterday.
Hawk cleared his throat, but the tightness wouldn't ease. Now that he was actually here, facing the aftermath of death, the words didn't come easily.
"I heard— I heard what happened," he rasped. "I just wanted to say that— I'm sorry. I'm really sorry about your friend."
Sky let out a sob, her eyes teared up, and without a word, she threw herself into his arms, buried her face against his shoulder, and started to cry.
For a short moment, Hawk froze - Sky's soft, small body pressed tightly against his own and oh God, oh God, oh God, he had missed this feeling more than anything in the whole fucking world—
But then his arms forgot that it had been a lifetime since he'd held her, they wrapped around her trembling body as if it was the most natural thing in the whole universe. A breath of immense relief left his lips as he pulled her close and his hand cupped the back of her head.
"He— he was my friend," she sobbed, her burning tears soaking his T-shirt. "I loved him—"
"I know, I know, I'm so sorry—"
"I— I just keep– losing people— people I love—" her voice was thick with tears, her sobs were painful, broken. "Kat— You, now Luke— and Cody—"
"You didn't lose me," Hawk breathed, barely getting the words out of his mouth. "I'm not dead. I'm here. I'm here for you, okay? You didn't lose me."
But she kept crying, her fingers gripping the back of his shirt, her face pressed tight against his chest. The scent of her tears filled his senses, a primitive, salty taste that went into his blood, making something ache and swell inside of his heart.
He desperately wanted to ask what she had meant about Cody— that she was losing him too. Were they breaking up? Was it Hawk's fault, because he had called her, and Cody had taken that call? Had Cody dumped her—? But shit— Sky was crying in his arms, her friend was dead, dead, and she was engulfed by grief. She needed comfort, warmth, safety, friendship— This was not the time to start asking stupid questions about her relationship status.
"Luke— He's gone— And it's my fault—" Her sobs were breaking through her chest almost violently, her fingers gripped hard on his shoulders. "I— I was with Cody. Luke— he died alone—"
"It's not your fault, Sky. It's not. It was an accident, okay? It's not your fault. No one's gonna think so—"
He held her in his arms, just held her there against his chest, taking in her tears and her sorrow, slowly running his hand up and down her back, trying to ease her sobs. He knew that nothing he said would make things okay, but he kept murmuring soft words of comfort anyway, trying to calm her down. Her body was soft and hot against his, she fit in his arms perfectly, like she was sculpted for his embraces, and oh God, he had never loved her more, he had missed this more than anything.
Finally, her sobs calmed down. For a moment she stayed there, resting her tired head against his chest, breathing in and out with slow, ragged breaths, but then - as if realizing how tight he held her against his chest - she freed herself from his arms and took a step back.
"You— you want to come inside?" she asked, her voice hoarse from crying.
Hawk swallowed hard, the emotion her words had caused making him weak in the knees.
He hadn't been into her house since forever, had thought he'd never be invited in again. He remembered sitting on these steps months ago, the day when Sky had dumped him, that horrible day when he had destroyed her science project at school. A wave of shame and guilt hit him, knitting his stomach into a tight lump as he remembered the things he had done. He still had a hard time admitting he had really been that guy, that asshole, but it was true nevertheless. He remembered Sky's tears, the way she had ripped off the Phoenix pendant and thrown it onto the floor amongst the scattered Legos, and then—
He had been sitting outside her door all that evening, waiting desperately that she'd ask her in, that she'd forgive him. But instead, it had been Nicholas who came out, Nicholas who had said You're not welcome in this house anymore.
He had only been here once after that, to deliver that stupid letter Sky had never even read. A lot of good it had done him to even write that.
In shame, he looked down and cleared his throat to get the words out.
"I— I mean yeah, but is your dad–?"
"He went to run some errands, but he's gonna be home soon. But it's okay— I've told him about you."
"What about me?" With his heart in his throat, Hawk stepped inside as Sky made way for him.
Sky shrugged, avoiding his gaze. "That you're… trying to change. That you left Cobra Kai. He's not mad at you anymore if that's what you're scared of."
"Oh, okay. Good."
Hawk hadn't expected that - the intense feeling of relief that washed over his system when he heard Sky's words. Nicholas had meant the world to him, and ever since he and Sky had broken up, there had been a hole in his chest - not just because he missed Sky, but because he missed Nicholas too. He knew it was pathetic - Nicholas wasn't Hawk's father, they weren't blood, they weren't family, they never had been. He had no right to miss Nicholas, but still, he did. He missed the way he had treated him - always with kindness, respect, and good, honest advice.
If only he had listened to that advice, he never would have fucked up the way he had, he never would have lost Sky—
Hawk licked his lips to repel the bitter taste that lingered. He had been such a fucking idiot. Everyone he had cared about had warned him about Kreese - Sky, Demetri, Mom, Miguel, Nicholas - and yet, he had walked straight into that trap and ended up losing everything. Nicholas had been right to throw him out. He didn't deserve to be here ever again, but Hell— if Sky wanted him here, he wasn't going to protest.
Sky led him into the living room, where every little familiar thing was an arrow through Hawk's heart - the too many house plants that occupied every free surface, the bookshelves filled with history and sci-fi, the giant bust of Julius Cesar. The couch where Napoleon was sleeping— a wave of emotion rushed through Hawk's system as he remembered all the times he had made out with Sky on that couch, all the nights he had sat there by her side watching a movie, just holding her hand, not realizing then that he had everything he had ever wanted, not knowing that he had been about to lose it all.
His heart was ticking fast and uneven in his throat as he sat down on the couch next to Sky, and glanced around in the room.
The banner saying Happy Birthday Cody was still hanging on the wall, and there were balloons everywhere, empty beer cups and plates and stuff on the tables. No one had cleaned up after the party, which made Hawk feel horrible - Sky's home had always been clean and well taken care of - thanks to Nicholas - but now it was a mess. But what had he expected? Someone had died here not 12 hours ago. Of course, the house was a fucking chaos.
He glanced towards the door that led to the room that Nicholas used as his office. Sky followed his gaze, and her lips started trembling again.
"That's where we— we found him," she breathed, and wiped her cheeks that were wet with tears, but more kept flowing. "Cody found him. Right— right after your call. The one Cody picked up."
Hawk's stomach clenched on a tight knot. That call—
"I'm sorry— I'm sorry about that. Was— was Cody mad at you?"
Sky shook her head and wiped her nose and her cheeks on a napkin she had pulled out of the pocket of her hoodie.
"No, well— more like upset than angry. He's never mad at me. He's the kindest person I know."
The kindest person she knows? Hawk couldn't imagine that. His experiences with Cody were violent, volatile, dangerous. He remembered the way Cody had held the gun at Kyler, his hand trembling with barely contained rage, and once again he wondered if he should tell Sky about that, if he should warn her, but—
Now is not the time for that. Jesus, isn't she upset enough already?
She didn't need him to shove any more dirt on her right now. She needed him to be her friend, and that was what he was going to do.
"Good," he said, forcing down his lingering uneasiness. "I'm glad— I didn't mean to come between you, or cause any problems. I just— I was just worried about you."
"I know. It's not your fault," Sky breathed, her voice broken and raw with tears. "He— he got so mad at Luke, though. He went looking for him, and—"
"Why was he mad at Luke?"
"Because I relapsed. Luke— he gave me some Oxy. I– I should've told him to stop doing drugs. Instead, I fucking encouraged him. And now— now he's dead, and—"
She started crying harder, sobs making her whole body tremble. Hawk felt her pain as if it was his own. He would have done anything to take it away, to carry this burden for her, but the only thing he could do was to take her hand in his and squeeze it hard, to let her know he was there for her.
"It's not your fault Luke overdosed," he rasped. "It's not your fault."
She didn't reply, but just kept crying. Her big, hot tears splashed on their hands and her thighs, leaving wet stains on her leggings. Hawk's chest was tight with an emotion he couldn't name, the scent of her tears was in his blood and his heartbeat was so heavy in his ears he was sure she could hear it too.
"I wish I was dead," Sky breathed through her tears. "I got Kat killed. I got Luke killed. And Cody—"
"Don't say that— don't say that you'd wish you were dead, Sky—"
"But it's true! I'm a worthless piece of shit! My friends are dead because of me, and— I… I'm treating Cody like crap! He doesn't deserve this— this shit I'm putting him through."
"Hey— you can't think like that. He's lucky to have you. He— I know he loves you."
Hawk's voice was raw and dry in his throat. Sky's hand was still in his, hot palm against his own, he could feel her rapid heartbeat where their fingers entwined.
"I know he loves me too," Sky sighed. "That's— not the problem."
"Then what is the problem?"
She was sitting so close to him that he could feel the warmth of her body in the air. Her scent of strawberries and vanilla surrounded him, filling his heart with stupid, stupid, stupid hope— because she had said she was losing Cody, and she had said there was a problem in their relationship, and she had texted him when she was drunk and sad and lonely at her boyfriend's birthday party, and he couldn't shake the thought that maybe, maybe, maybe she still had feelings for him after all, that maybe her hand that still lingered in his meant something, that maybe it wasn't just him who wasn't over their relationship, maybe it wasn't just him who wanted it all back so badly it was tearing him apart.
Sky drew in a tense breath and pulled her hand away from his, breaking their contact.
"I— I can't talk about this with you. It's not right."
"Okay— okay, I mean— yeah, I get it." He got on his feet and pushed his hands into the pockets of his jeans to hide the fact that they were shaking.
He had been mere moments away from telling her he still loved her, or from kissing her - or both. Jesus Christ— That was the last thing she needed right now. He had to get his shit together.
"Is your Dad sending you back to rehab?" Hawk asked, to get something else to think about, anything else than how Sky's hand in his had felt. "Now that you… relapsed?"
Sky shook her head and stood up from the couch. "No, I don't think so. But I'm gonna have to take a test twice a week now, at the outpatient clinic. It's okay though, I get it. I'm not gonna do drugs anymore, but— I get that he doesn't trust me. Who's gonna trust an addict, right?"
A short moment of silence followed her words. Hawk swallowed and looked down, pushing his hands deeper into the pockets of his jeans. So, she wasn't going back to rehab? He wasn't sure how he felt about that. On the other hand, he was happy that she wasn't going away, but— but maybe it would have been better if she did. She needed help, the kind of help her friends and family just couldn't give, and that was a fact.
"Dad asked me to start cleaning up the place," Sky said suddenly, changing the subject. "He's gonna be home soon, and I— I haven't even started."
Hawk glanced around. The banner was still on the wall, there were empty cups and bottles everywhere, balloons hanging from the ceiling and even the cake was still on the side table filling the room with a sweet, a bit nauseating scent.
"I can help," he said without a moment's hesitation.
Sky looked up and met his eyes. For a moment she just looked at him, her eyes wide and green, filled with tears, but then she nodded and let out a long, slow exhale.
"Yeah, okay. Thank you. I could use some help."
They started working, piling plates and carrying them to the dishwasher, taking down the balloons and the banner, stuffing trash, bottles, and cups into bags and piling them next to the front door. When they threw away the cake, Sky started to cry again. Her tears were silent but overwhelming, turning her breathing into ragged, uneven sobs. Hawk wanted to ask about it, but then didn't— just helped her carry the cake outside of the house and toss it into the trash bin.
"I'm sorry," he said when they walked back into the house. "I know this sucks. I know you just wanted to throw a great party. It's not your fault it ended like this."
Sky didn't say anything, just went back into the living room and started collecting plates and forks from the tables and piling them up. Hawk noticed how her hands trembled slightly as she paused what she was doing and wiped her face with her sleeves, in lack of a napkin.
"I don't think I can come to the dojo anymore," Sky said after a moment of silence.
Hawk's chest clenched tight. The dojo was his safe place, it was his home, it was his everything - and not just because of Karate but because of her. It was the one place where he got to see her, to be with her, to listen to her talk and laugh—
If she stopped going, it would kill him. How was he going to survive without seeing her around every day?
"If you need some time off, it's cool." He forced the words out of his mouth. "I mean— I get it. People are gonna understand."
"No, I mean— like ever. I don't think I'm welcome at the Miyagi-Do anymore. You— you should've seen the way Mr. LaRusso was when he picked up Sam last night. I don't think he's gonna want me anywhere near their family ever again. And Sam— Sam won't even reply to my texts."
Hawk frowned. "What are you talking about?"
"Everyone here saw Luke die. And it's not— it's nothing like in the movies, you know? When someone dies, it's just horrible. Just fucking horrible. And it stays in your head forever. Sam's never gonna forget what happened. Nor Miguel, or Demetri— And seeing me around is just going to remind them of that. And Mr. LaRusso— he isn't gonna want me around Sam anymore, and I understand— No parent wants their kid hanging out with a relapsing junkie who throws parties where kids overdose."
Hawk looked down at his fingers that were still gripping the trash bag with a white-knuckle grip. There was a lump in his throat that just wouldn't move.
"Mr. LaRusso is great. He's helped me— a lot. I really think he's gonna understand and he's going to help you too."
Sky shrugged. She didn't say anything, just threw some cups and napkins into the bag Hawk was holding. There were tears on her cheeks, but she did nothing to wipe them off, as if she was already so used to them that she didn't even notice they were there.
"Besides," Hawk went on. "Sensei Lawrence is your sensei, not Mr. LaRusso. And he isn't going to turn his back on you because of this. You know that."
"Yeah," Sky sighed and grabbed a couple of empty cups from the table. "I know. But— We're still training at the Miyagi Do. And I'm pretty sure no one wants me there now."
"I want you there," he rasped. "Seeing you at the dojo— it's the best moment of my day."
Sky's hands holding the cups went still for a couple of heartbeats before she let the trash fall into the bag. She didn't meet his eyes as she took a step back and brought a hand to brush a strand of her messy curls behind her ear, but Hawk could feel the tension in her body, could see the burning spots on her cheeks.
Shit— I said too much. She's gonna freak out. She's gonna throw me out of here—
But Sky just let out a long sigh, and turned her back on him, continuing the work. She picked up a couple of half-empty cups and emptied them into the punch bowl, then threw the cups into the trash bag that was still in Hawk's hands.
"Thank you," she said softly, still not looking at him. "For helping me out. It means a lot. And— I'm glad that we're talking again. I've really missed it."
"I've missed it too," Hawk rasped, his voice failing him. "And I meant what I said. You're not losing me. I'm still here, Sky, and I still—"
The front door opened, and Nicholas walked in, cutting Hawk's sentence in half. He swallowed the words he'd been about to say, swallowed them down so that they tied his stomach into a tight, tight knot.
"Oh," Nicholas said, his brows arching high on his forehead as he noticed Hawk in the living room. "Well, I'm sorry if I'm interrupting something, but Sky— we need to go down to the station and answer some questions."
Hawk turned to look at Sky. Her cheeks went pale, and her shoulders fell. She looked absolutely miserable.
"They aren't accusing you of anything," Nicholas said with a softer voice. "It's just a formality. Someone died - that brings a lot of paperwork. Better get our part done sooner than later, right?"
"Okay," Sky sighed. "Okay, let's do it."
Nicholas glanced from Sky to Hawk, a question written all over his face. "And Eli—? You want him to come along, or?"
"No," Sky replied so fast it was barely a word at all. "No, I don't. Eli was just leaving."
It was only when Hawk watched Sky and her Dad drive past him a couple of minutes later when he was walking towards his home, that he realized that she had called him Eli, not Hawk.