AN: Thank you for the reviews, favorites and follows. I may be able to post twice weekly since I have gotten pretty far ahead on this story, I will try for Wednesday and Sunday. Enjoy.
My head is pounding and my mouth is dry, and I cough as I begin to wake up from the stupor that their fucking serums always put me in.
"Drink this." A soft voice says and I blink my eyes to try to focus on the figure in the room.
"Eric?" I rasp and he shakes his head.
"Um, no, it's Paul. I got you some ice water, I know how bad the cottonmouth is when they give you that shit." He replies.
"How..." I begin but another coughing spell overtakes my voice, and when calmer I take another sip from the straw he's offered, "How did you know?"
"I saw them dragging you back here. I've been waiting for the right time and today after they checked on you I snuck in." He replies.
"How long have you been here?"
"Maybe a few hours or so." He shrugs, "Figured I'd just wait it out with you."
"Thank you."
"What happened?" He asks and shake my head.
"I don't want to talk about it." I reply.
"Do you want me to leave?" He asks and I shake my head.
"Not unless you want to." I shrug.
He smiles at me, "I mean, it's either I hang out here with you, or go ask for permission to use fucking safety scissors for arts and crafts, or maybe go let someone pick my brain apart. I'll stay here."
I smile briefly at him in return, "I appreciate the water."
"I've had that serum before, and it's always awful when I wake up. My mouth is usually like dust."
"Mmhmm." I nod to agree and he sits down on the floor next to my bed.
"Is my real name Eric?"
My eyes jerk to meet his, "How... do you remember?"
He shakes his head slowly, "You called me Eric when you woke up."
I look at him, his silver eyes are hazy from whatever medication they have him on, and he nervously fidgets, "Do you think it's a good idea for us to talk about that?"
"I don't know who I am, and you appear to be the only person who does. So yeah, I would like to talk about it." He replies, and for a moment he sounds like he did back in Dauntless.
"What do you remember?"
He looks angry when he replies, "Nothing. I literally know absolutely nothing before being brought here."
"Who brought you here?" I press.
"I woke up in a vehicle. Someone had put an IV in my arm, and the people kept asking me questions. Who I was; where I was going, shit like that. I had no idea, absolutely nothing at all to tell them. They ended up bringing me here, and when I got here all they wanted to do was ask me a bunch of fucking questions I couldn't answer. They think I'm nuts. At this point, I think they're right. I mean look at me, I'm not a kid, so there's what twenty-some years I'm missing?"
"Almost twenty-one." I supply quietly and his silver eyes meet mine.
"My name is Eric, and I'm almost twenty-one. What else?"
"I don't know if this is a good idea-"
"You're from Chicago, right? The war hero? You know me from there. I'm from Chicago too." He interrupts.
"Yes." I nod, watching him for any reaction.
"Why don't I know these things?" He presses me.
"I don't know." I answer honestly.
"Were you and I together before?" He asks me suddenly and I choke a little on the water I'm sipping.
"Why would you ask me that?" I sputter.
He shrugs, "I'm drawn to you. Besides, you seem to be checking me out as much as I've been checking you out." He averts his eyes and she sees his lips quirk up in a brief smile.
"You're checking me out?"
He frowns, "Are you going to just keep avoiding the question?"
"We weren't together."
"Why not?" He asks and I narrow my eyes at him, "It's a fair question. I've seen the way you look at me. You're intrigued at minimum."
"You're still a cocky asshole." I retort without thinking and Eric laughs.
The sound is so foreign, yet still familiar somehow, and I meet his eyes and burst out laughing as well.
"I may be confused as fuck and stuck in a mental institution with a fucked up brain, but my eyes work. You're hot, even in scrubs." He admits and I can feel the blush staining my cheeks.
"You can't say stuff like that." I murmur and his lips twitch up into the smirk I remember.
"Too bad I don't take instruction well. Just ask anyone here." He replies evenly.
"Noted." I reply and he grins briefly.
"What were we like back in Dauntless?"
"I'd just transferred, you were one of the two leaders who was assigned to train my class." I finally say and he bites his nails while he stares at me.
"Leaders train initiates?" He asks.
"Yeah," I nod, "From what I understood it was tradition for the younger staff to oversee training at least."
"Did you and I get along?"
I chuckle wryly and he cocks an eyebrow at me, "No."
"Why not?"
I can feel the corners of my mouth turning down in a frown, and I'm very aware of how intently Eric is watching me. This is the most time I've ever spent with him, outside of when he would administer my fear simulations. I can vividly remember the first time I was left alone with him, Tobias had been called away, and he'd frantically warned me to think like a Dauntless before he watched Eric lead me into an exam room.
It's the first time I'd ever had the drowning fear. It wasn't the open water this time, where my heavy and waterlogged body was being battered against the rocky cliffs overlooking an angry ocean. Instead, it was a rapidly filling clear glass tank, where I could see my friends watching me curiously as it slowly filled with water. They'd whispered, laughed and even pointed at me like I was some sort of animal on display at the zoo. In my simulation, Eric had walked into the room, and yelled at everyone to leave, and I watched with panicked eyes as my friends did as they were told and robotically moved away from me.
The water was freezing cold, and it was rising around neck when his cold grey eyes met mine. He was chewing a toothpick, passing it from one side of his mouth to the other, a sliver of his tongue peeking out between his perfect teeth as the small pick glided along.
"Aren't you going to come out and play?" He had taunted me and my body shivered as the cold water quickly enveloped my face.
My eyes met his, panicked hazel eyes meeting ice grey, a smirk curled around his perfect teeth, and that toothpick moving slowly back and forth.
"This isn't real." I had told him, and his eyes widened, his mouth agape and I watched as the toothpick bounced on the floor between his feet.
Eric placed two hands on the glass, his palms white against it, and I could hear him speaking but the sound was muffled in my ears. I closed my eyes, giving myself to the water but suddenly heard a dull thud against the tank and my eyes sprang open and watched as a tiny crack formed.
Eric's hands were shaking as his fingers drummed the glass, leaving cracks along the smooth surface until it finally sprang free and the water rushed me out.
I remember waking up with a start, feeling the cold against my skin, not understanding what had happened. Why would Eric help me in the sim?
"How'd you do that?" I had breathed out, and I watched as he calmly pressed a few buttons on the computer keyboard.
"Do what?" He'd asked me without looking at me.
"Break the glass?" I pressed.
"I didn't do that. YOU did."
"Tris?" He says my name quietly, in almost a questioning tone, and when my eyes meet his he looks worried, "What were you just thinking about?"
I shake my head and wrap my arms around myself, "Something I've never figured out." I reply.
"About me?" He asks and I nod.
Eric had not only appeared in my fear sim, he'd also broken through a tank with nothing more than his hands. He rescued me, over and over, every time I had the fear. Sim Eric would never tell me why he had helped me, and our faction went to war before I could ever talk to the real Eric.
"Who am I?" He continues and I wring my hands in my lap. I'm wracking my brain, trying to decide if I can trust him at all when an orderly tech opens my door and frowns when he sees Eric sitting on my floor.
"You both have therapy." He says and Eric sighs before hauling himself up from my floor. He looks at me, and I know he has even more questions now, but he finally turns around and follows the orderly out of my room.
"Your phone privileges have been revoked." Myron says once I am seated in his office again.
"Gee, thanks." I mutter and he peers over his reading glasses at me.
"This isn't what I want. You broke the rules, I don't get an override on that. What I can do is try to get your time reinstated." He replies.
"You'd do that for me?" I ask and he raises an eyebrow at me.
"It's a privilege that can be earned." He replies.
"And what will that cost me?"
"Cooperation." He replies evenly and he opens my file, "Can you tell me what happened in there?"
"I wanted more phone time." I shrugged.
"I understand Uriah Pedrad is your friend, and also the brother of Ezekiel Pedrad, the same person who prevented you from jumping." Myron says quietly and I can feel myself shaking.
"Myron..."
"Tris, I only want to help you." He replies.
"I can't. Please."
"Can you tell me how it made you feel to speak to Uriah again?" He changes his tactic and I stare at him, "Tris, I want you to heal, and if talking to Uriah helps I'll do all that I can to get you back in touch. However, if talking to him is too painful we can figure out how to help you with that."
"I'm not ready to talk about it yet. I promise you, talking to him is going to be good for me, but I need time to process it." I admit and his brown eyes soften.
"What do you want to talk about?" He asks and for a moment I am completely taken aback.
"Am I in trouble?" I ask.
He shakes his head, "Not from me. There are rules that have to be followed here, though. The outburst in the phone bank was a direct violation of our code of conduct, so your punishment is based on that. However, I don't want to take your privileges away, instead I want to help you earn them. What can I do to help you control your temper?"
I don't answer and he shifts in his chair, causing it to protest loudly against his heavy weight.
"Did talking to Paul Benton help?" He asks.
"You allowed him to stay in my room, didn't you?" I ask and Myron smiles.
"I didn't disallow it."
"Why?" I press.
"The two of you separately are prone to violent outbursts and episodes. Together, you seen calm and there appears to be a sense of trust building." He replies.
"Are you having him spy on me?" I ask and Myron furrows his brow.
There's no other explanation for Eric's sudden presence in my life. Myron looks down at his notepad, and doesn't even try to hide the word he writes down.
Paranoia
He circles it several times, and then sighs heavily before speaking again, "There will be a time when you finally realize I'm not the enemy here. Tris, if you want to spend time with Paul, I'm not going to stop it. Everyone needs a friend. Even you."
I feel my anger building, and I can tell by the way Myron watches me that he's aware of just how anxious I am.
"Friends are useless."
"Why is that?" He asks.
"Because caring about someone is giving them the power to destroy me." I admit.
"You're afraid you'll lose them." He retorts.
"Please don't."
"Okay, Tris." He says and he leans back in his chair.
I stare at him, his shiny bald head, perfectly manicured beard and his kind dark brown eyes, "That's it?" I ask.
"That's it." He agrees.
"Why are you being so agreeable tonight?" I ask without thinking.
"You're improving every day, even if you can't see it." He replies cryptically and I close my eyes and rub them.
I won't let him see me cry.
"Should I trust Paul Benton?" I finally ask.
"Do you trust me to answer that honestly?" He asks me and I open my watery eyes to meet his kind ones.
"I want to." I reply softly.
He nods, "I also trust you. I trust you to make your own decisions when it comes to who you allow in."
"Even if it's not you?"
He smiles at me, "Even if it's not me. You're getting there Tris, and while you can't see it now I can, and I'm a very patient man."