Sorry for the delay in updates, my back injury has been acting up, so I've been in pain and in a bad mood. But, finally, here is chapter 12 :3

There is also some smut in this chapter towards the end.

Enjoy!

It had been two weeks since I stood outside Dimitri's apartment; it gave me a sense of déjà vu. I was nervous as I stared at the door. No reason I should have been—Dimitri wasn't there. I didn't feel any hint of nausea, and that made me feel worse.

The sun was up. If Dimitri wasn't home, then where else could he be?

I had to work myself up to turn the handle, a grimace on my face when it unlocked. I couldn't remember if Dimitri locked his door, but I felt my stomach drop.

When I decided to visit Dimitri, I didn't know what my plan was. We didn't end on good terms, and neither of us tried to contact the other afterwards. For all I knew, Dimitri never wanted to see me again.

Lissa had been so excited to discover a possible way to save Dimitri; even though the journal mentioned the effect it had on the user, she wanted to do it for me. I never had the guts to tell her what Dimitri thought of her; Lissa already held enough blame herself; I didn't need to feed that insecurity.

I flicked on the light in his apartment and became numb.

It was exactly as I left it. The shattered television and the glass on the ground, the book still among the pieces. The bed was still made, with creases on the cover where I had curled up. Nothing looked different from that night other than Dimitri's closet doors were open, and his clothes were gone.

He had left. Dimitri was gone.

Why did that hurt more than the night we fought?

Tears filled my eyes, but I blinked them back. I shouldn't be surprised. I hadn't seen him in weeks. Why should I be surprised that he had skipped town? It wasn't like I could hold him to his promise that he would never leave me. If I didn't believe he loved me, why would I believe that?

His cross still hung around my neck; I never had the strength to take it off. My hands reached for the clasp, my fingers stiff as I tried to unclip it when I noticed his bookshelf.

I don't know what made me look or why I noticed it in the first place. But there was an empty spot, the spacing obvious on his shelves that he kept so organised. The space was where my gift to him had sat, in the designated spot in alphabetic order arranged by the author.

That bastard had run out of town and took my book with him. What a nerd.

I was on a food run, a month since the darkness took over. I neared my nineteenth birthday—surprised that I lasted that long. If the darkness didn't threaten my chances of reaching my next birthday, the Strigoi I came up against did. Since Galina was killed things had been quiet. A few Strigois had attacked, but none had succeeded.

It made me feel safe enough to pick up some groceries by myself even though the sun had set. It was still cold, but the snow had slowed enough that the pavement wasn't covered. I held the handle of my stake in my pocket, prepared just in case, and my groceries were in my other hand. A selection of snacks to get through the week of studying Lissa had planned.

She kept asking me to show her how to use a stake properly, and I kept reminding her Dimitri left. What was the point when he showed no sign of returning?

After visiting Dimitri's apartment, I tried to tell myself he didn't care about me, but then I thought of the book. Of all of his belongings, he takes that book. It was the third in a series, yet the other two remained on the shelf. I fought myself for a day before I gave into the glimmer of hope and tried calling him.

The first time, I hung up after two rings. The second time, I managed to last until I reached the voicemail. I didn't leave a message but sent one last text. After hours of typing and deleting, I settled with 'Where are you?'.

He never replied.

The night breeze was refreshing and helped ease the headache formed behind my eyes. I never enjoyed studying, and I still didn't. I was a block away when I felt the first warning that someone was watching me, and then my stomach rolled. My stake was out and angled at their chest when they reached me. A hand shot out and gripped my wrist before I could force the sharp tip into their body.

Dark eyes gleamed, and a smile played on their lips. "You've improved, Roza."

I ripped my hand from theirs and jerked back a couple of steps. A voice in my head told me to lower my stake even as instinct told me to keep it up. "What are you doing here?" I managed to force out.

"I suppose it was wishful thinking that you would be happy to see me," Dimitri commented, eyes on the stake. They slowly lifted to mine and were filled with a fondness that made my breath catch. "I've missed you."

I raised my chin. "You left."

"I did."

"You left for a month."

Dimitri tilted his head, "I had to. I needed to."

My hand shook, gradually lowering back to my side. The pang of hurt transformed into anger, and my blood boiled. "Why did you come back?"

"Because, Roza," Dimitri murmured, inching closer until I had to tilt my head back to hold his eyes, "I promised I wouldn't leave you."

A burst of heat and need blossomed in me, and I suddenly didn't care about what happened between us. I dropped my bag and threw my arms around his neck as his arms encircled me. Our lips met and sent sparks through my body. The kiss was heated and desperate; both giving and taking as we had our fill.

Then I snapped back to my senses. I broke the kiss and pushed him back. "What the hell, Dimitri? You can't just come back and…and kiss me like that!"

His eyebrow raised. "Is there another way I'm meant to kiss you?"

I fumbled; my cheeks heated when he became amused by my falter. "You wanted to turn me," I spat.

Dimitri hummed, "And you call me a soulless monster, I guess we're even." He leaned forward and drew me back into another kiss, much sweeter and slower. His lips moved against mine in such a delicious way that my toes curled and my thoughts derailed.

His hands dropped to my thighs and lifted me up, my legs wrapped around his waist and I held onto him as he walked. I felt cold metal through the back of my shirt, my leather jacket pushed up as Dimitri's hands wandered.

"Dimitri," I asked between kisses, "am I against a car?"

I felt his grin. "Yes." Dimitri rocked his hips against mine with a low growl. "It's mine."

I mentally kicked myself for not recognising his car. He must have been waiting for me. I shivered when his hand slipped under my shirt and squeezed me through my bra. "I'm not having sex on a car. It's freezing."

"Would you prefer to have sex in the car?"

I opened my mouth with some smartass remark, but the words caught in my throat when his lips latched onto the side of my neck and sucked. It was amazing how quickly he managed to light every nerve in my body on fire; it had been weeks and I eagerly welcomed him back with open arms. And thighs.

Fuck, Dimitri was like a drug that I could never get enough of.

He was dangerous.

I pressed my hands to his chest and forced him back. "Wait," I huffed, my eyes squeezed close as I fought for my composure. "I can't—we can't. The last time I saw you, you wanted to turn me. You can't just come back after a month and expect things to go back to how they were," I argued. I tried to detangle myself from his grip but was stuck between a rock and a hard place. My eyes met his, staring at him and waiting for answers. "Why did you come back?"

Dimitri didn't move his eyes from mine, emotions flicking across them before he frowned and released me. "We should talk."

"Talk?" I repeated with a sigh, "Talk about what exactly?"

He spun from me and began to pick up my groceries; he stood with the bag in hand and nodded at his car. "I want to explain."

The coffee shop was unexpected. Our table tucked in the corner and the furthest from anyone else there. The way his fingers brushed my hand and rested on my lower back when he walked in, it felt like a date. Hell, he had even pulled my seat out for me. Dimitri ordered my drink, a hot chocolate with extra marshmallows, and placed the cup in front of me with a half smile.

He sat opposite me and looked about before meeting my eyes. "What?" he asked when I just stared back.

"Nothing," I replied, forcing myself to look away. "The fireplace is a nice touch."

"I thought you would appreciate being somewhere warm."

I tapped my fingers on the sides of my mug, "No, it's great. Do you come here for poetry readings as well?"

"Roza," he huffed, "I want you to feel comfortable."

I winced. Make me feel safe. I scoffed and sipped from my drink. "Maybe you shouldn't offer to kill me."

I felt the weight of his gaze and flicked my eyes to his. "Please," he begged with an earnest expression, "I'm trying."

I shifted in my chair and released a deep breath. "Sorry. I'm just trying to wrap my mind around the fact you're back," I apologised. "I went to your apartment. You were just gone; didn't even leave a note."

"It wasn't like I had much hope you would want to read one," he shot back. Dimitri held his coffee in his hand; the drink was more for show than anything else. "You made your feelings obvious that night."

"So did you."

Dimitri looked up at me and frowned, "You had told me you would go insane and kill yourself, I panicked. I thought I was offering you a solution."

"Yeah, well, I don't want it. I'm sorry about what I called you, but don't want that," I replied, my shoulders hunched. The conversation wasn't going well. I watched the marshmallows melt in my drink, mixing with the dark liquid.

"I know. I've always known. I just…I didn't know how else to help. Watching what the darkness did to you made me offer something I never would have before. I never lied to you, Roza. When I told you I love you, I meant it every time," Dimitri declared in a firm tone.

I felt like I could break at those words. Ducking my head as tears welled up in my eyes. "Why did you leave?" I shifted the conversation. I wasn't ready to acknowledge those feelings yet.

Dimitri sighed, extending his arms on the table. Our hands were almost close enough to touch if I just shifted my fingers over; it was tempting. "I wanted to find answers," he answered. I brought my eyes back to his as he spoke, "I needed to understand what was happening to you and how to help you."

I blinked. "You left to research spirit?"

His lips quirked up on one side. "And bonds, and the darkness. And I wanted to know what happened to other shadow-kissed dhampirs." Dimitri reached into the pocket of his coat and passed me a small silk bag. "I'm sure you have another one already, but I want to make sure you never reach that point again."

I took the bag with wide eyes, already guessing what was inside, but wondered how he got it. I pulled the string and tripped the bag onto my hand; as soon as the cool metal touched my skin, I felt a wave of relief.

It was a bracelet, small enough to not get in the way, but not delicate enough to easily break. The design was simple and elegant, with a single heart charm in the middle with the chain intertwined with it. I could feel the magic infused in it—it was powerful.

"Where did you get this?" I asked, staring at the bracelet in awe.

"It took a while, but I found a spirit user in Rio. It took a lot of time and money to get them to see me. That's why I was gone for so long."

I met his eyes, feeling tears build again. "I can't believe you did this. You went so far just for me."

Dimitri leaned forward, clasping my hands with his as his eyes bore into mine. I could see the affection clearly, and I wondered how the hell I had questioned it. "I would go to the ends of the earth for you, Roza. I would greet the dawning sun if it meant protecting you. I would give anything and everything to keep you safe. I love you so much that I remember what my soul felt like. I will always protect you because you saved me, Roza. The moment you loved me, I was saved."

The air left my body and I forgot how to breathe. I forgot how to speak. All I felt was the warmth that spread through me and made me feel like I was floating. "I love you too," I stuttered, my lip quivering as I was overcome with emotions. "I love you so much. I'm so sorry I doubted—"

Dimitri shushed me, a shake of his head and a gentle smile, "I know. It's okay."

"But—"

"No. You went through a lot that night and I pushed you in a way I never should have," he assured me. Dimitri took the bracelet from my hand and placed it around my wrist, clasping it with a pleased look. "This is my promise to you that I will never hurt you in such a way again." He glanced at me, "Do you like it?"

I swallowed around the lump in my throat, willing the blush from my cheeks. I leaned forward and gazed up at him through my lashes. "Dimitri, you better take me back to your apartment or I will show you just how much I like it right here."

The look of desire that was directed at me made me feel like I would combust. I would make it up to Dimitri and show him how much I loved him.

Then later, I would teach Lissa how to use a stake. Dimitri claimed I saved him, and so I would. I would give him back his soul.

The reunion with Dimitri was mind-blowing and required me to call Lissa on the drive to Dimitri's apartment while his hand moved under my jeans as he drove quickly. I couldn't stay with him for long, only two hours before Janine would make her nightly check and discover I hadn't returned.

We were two steps into his apartment before I undid Dimitri's pants and pushed him to his bed. I rode him and repeated how much I loved him so he wouldn't doubt it. Apologised for ever doubting him. The look of awe he gave me took my breath away.

I would save this man. I had to.

When I snuck back into the apartment; an eye rolled from Eddie and a knowing smirk as he held the door open for me, I felt better than I had in a while. Lissa was distracted by my bracelet for a good ten minutes before she understood that I was offering to teach her how to use a stake.

I was still hesitant to mention it to Dimitri. I would ask him once we were ready.

Lissa and I made a plan. We had to be away from the ward, and somewhere secluded. Janine wouldn't be willing to go with the insane plan to restore a Strigoi, so I had to come up with an alternative. One that got Lissa out of the house, and gave me a reason to disappear to get Dimitri.

"I'll say it's a surprise party for you. The university will be empty by then."

"You really want to restore a Strigoi in a classroom?"

She shrugged, "I can't think of where else to do it."

I nodded and played with the stake in my hand. Lissa had charmed it—we were almost ready. "Okay. We restore Dimitri in a classroom. Do you think he'll want it?"

Her hand clasped mine, squeezing, "Of course, he will. Just think, you two can be together properly. Dimitri will be dhampir again."

A grin broke on my face. It felt like a dream that could never come true—but it would. We would make it real. "In two days."

"Yes!" Lissa exclaimed; hands clasped together. "In two days!"

I was giddy, and nervous, and freaking the fuck out. It was time for me to tell Dimitri the plan and then hopefully get him to go with me to the university. Up on the roof was an amazing lookout at the city and was a place Lissa and I discovered a couple of months ago. It was the perfect place, and with only one entrance to the rooftop, we didn't have to worry about any Strigoi getting the jump on us.

Lissa sold it to my mother as a surprise birthday celebration with Eddie and Christian on board. They knew what the actual plan was and agreed to stop Janine if she became stake happy.

It seemed anticlimactic to just walk Dimitri up there and have Lissa stake him, but it was exactly how I hoped it went. First, I just needed to explain it to Dimitri.

I didn't knock on the door and slipped in, grateful that the heater was already on. There was still over an hour until sunset, and I had a plan on how to spend it. I removed my coat and felt it being taken from my hands as cool lips pressed to the back of my neck.

"You're late, Roza," he murmured against my skin, kissing each tattoo before moving to my shoulder. "Ruined my plans."

I giggled, "What a shame."

Dimitri growled and spun me in his arms. Desire shined in his eyes, but there was a glint that made my knees go weak. "You're mocking me?"

I tilted my head up in hopes of catching his lips. "No. Never."

Hands grasped my thighs and I was lifted off the ground, and not too gently disposed of on the bed. I shot Dimitri a look and he chuckled. "If you act like a brat, I'll treat you like one," he warned. Dimitri climbed onto the bed and hovered above me. "Now, will you behave or do I need to teach you a lesson?"

I bit my lip to hold back my smirk. It was like playing with fire when I tested Dimitri, but I couldn't stop. "Your lessons are boring," I shot back.

"Oh," he replied. Long fingers trailed up the inside of my leg, and I was suddenly very glad I chose to wear a dress. It was a rare warm day; I would regret it once night hit, but until then, I enjoyed how easily Dimitri could reach my underwear. He pushed the material aside and slipped a finger inside me. "You'll just have to do your best to pay attention."

I arched my back in pleasure, my hips rocking to meet his thrusts. Another finger was added, and then another. I whimpered, eyes rolling back in my head when he rubbed his thumb over my clit.

"I love you laid under me, using me to pleasure yourself. You look perfect. Do you like it when I do this, Roza?" Dimitri twisted his fingers and curled them up. I moaned loudly and gripped his shoulders to use as leverage. Dimitri was planning something and until he revealed what it was, I was glad to take what I could get. "Do you like it?" He asked again, picking up the pace.

"Yes. Yes, I like it. Don't stop."

"Of course, Roza," he assured with a sinful smirk and another finger pushed inside me.

I felt full, blushing from the wet sounds that filled the room. Dimitri was enjoying it, eyes trained on me and watching every expression I made.

Dimitri sped up again, his thumb a firm pressure on my clit. "I had plans to draw it out and make you come throughout the day. But now, I have to make up for lost time. How many times do you think I can make you come in an hour?"

I couldn't form any words, it felt too good. I wouldn't be able to last much longer.

"By the time you leave, everyone will know you're mine," he promised in a deep voice. "I'm going to fuck you until you can only say my name. I will leave you full and begging for more."

Fuck. Dimitri had a way of making me forget that I liked to be in control, with just a few words he left me panting and wanting to submit in every way. I hope that it remained the same when he was dhampir.

He stared at me, waiting for a response. I grinned, "I look forward to it, comrade."

Dimitri's eyes narrowed and he shifted down the bed. I was about to ask what was wrong when he dropped to his knees and dragged me to the edge of the bed. His thumb disappeared and was replaced by his mouth. I moaned in pleasure as his fingers and tongue made me come. There was no reprieve, no break or chance for me to catch my breath. Dimitri didn't falter after I stopped shaking through my drawn-out orgasm.

I understood his plan and closed my eyes in bliss. I would enjoy this punishment.

The amount was five. Three times with his mouth and fingers, and twice with his cock buried deep inside me.

I was boneless by the time we showered, my head on his chest as he washed the soap off my back. The heat of the water quickly warmed his skin. It made me wonder how warm he would be when restored. Even just imagining his skin no longer deathly pale was hard, and to look into his eyes and not see the red would be an adjustment.

I wonder how his personality would change.

Would Dimitri still want me when he regained his soul?

"What's on your mind, Roza?" Dimitri questioned once dressed, and I had a chocolate bar in hand. He had made room in his fridge for real food—blood bags on the bottom, fruit, snacks, and protein drinks on top.

"I'm just thinking," I mumbled, eyes cast down as I tried to build my confidence. "Do you ever wonder if there was a way to restore you?"

His fingers trailed through my hair, pushing it over my shoulder to bare my neck. "No," he replied, "Why would I?"

My stomach dropped. "Do you miss being a dhampir?"

"There might have been a time, but not anymore. I'm free, Roza, and better off than when I was forced to be a guardian. You know this."

I took a breath; I had to tread carefully. "Don't think about the guardian part," I tried, twisting to look at him over my shoulder, "think about just the dhampir part—the living part. You could go out into the sun, and see your family, an–"

"There's no point thinking of something that won't happen," Dimitri cut me off with an exasperated tone. I could tell he was reaching a point of irritation.

"But it can happen. Dimitri, I found a way to–"

"No, Rose," Dimitri snapped. "I know the way you're thinking, and I'm telling you no."

I feel my blood freeze. "You know?"

His eyes narrowed, a scowl on his face as he replied, "Spirit can restore a Strigoi. I am well aware, and I refuse."

Dimitri shifted off the bed and casually walked across the room to his books, pursuing the titles. I was stunned, scrambling to get off the bed and follow him. "You know about it?" I demanded, "You know there's a way to restore you, and you don't want it. Why?"

His arms dropped to his side, and he looked skyward before turning to face me. "I told you I learned about Spirit and your bond. I know that anything the Princess does that uses magic affects you. Why would I want anything that would cause you harm?"

"Don't think about that," I argued, "I am willing to take it if it means you are alive!"

Dimitri's hands rested on my shoulders, eyes imploring me as he replied, "I am alive, Roza. Whenever I'm with you, I feel alive and have everything I need. All I care about is making sure you live a long life, no matter what it takes."

His words struck a chord—a part of me knew something wasn't right. I backed away a step. "Dimitri–"

He followed me with a grim set to his features. "I told you, I learned about your bond and how to help you get free from it."

I shook my head. That wasn't what I wanted. It wasn't how I expected the conversation to go. I was meant to be telling him there was a way to save his soul, not dreading what he would say next.

"I told you, I don't want to turn. You said you wouldn't push me!"

Dimitri gripped my shoulders, not allowing me to get away. "I'm not. I won't do that to you, but there's another way to save you and free you from the hold the Moroi have over you."

"No. I don't–"

"I have to do this, Roza."

His hold became painful, an iron-like grip that pinned my arms to my side and left me defenceless. Guilt flashed in his eyes for a moment before his mouth dropped to the side of my neck and his fangs sank in.

I screamed, the stab of pain transforming into a pleasure I knew I shouldn't enjoy. A haze clouded my mind as I stared at Dimitri; he drew back with a harsh expression and my blood on his lips.

"Why are… you doing this?" I pleaded.

He grimaced, laying me back down on the bed, "I told you, Roza. I can't lose you."

I weakly reached for him, curling my hand around the collar of his shirt. "Please, don't do this."

"Where is the Princess?" Dimitri demanded. I shook my head and tried to look away; his hand caught my chin and forced me to look him in the eyes. "Rose," his voice rang in my ears, the command sinking in, "tell me where Lissa is."

My lips were pressed together, fighting the compulsion, but too weak to hold up as the haze from the bite took over. "She—she's at the University," the words forced from my mouth, "she's waiting for us."

Dimitri nodded, quickly leaning forward to kiss my forehead. "One day, you'll forgive me; you'll realise that I'm right." He left me on the bed, the door shut firmly behind him.

Rage boiled in my blood, and I felt the sharp pain of his betrayal.

Lissa was in trouble, and it would be my fault again.