On Tuesday evening, I stood with Min and Draco at the station in Hogsmeade and we waited until our portkey was ready.

I had said goodbye to Neville and Hannah, only telling Hannah that Draco was accompanying me.

Up until the moment I had walked out of the castle I had felt ready but now, just half an hour later it was a very different story.

The journey was not my problem.

Yes, I would have preferred to travel by train, but trains did not cross oceans and even if they were magical, that seemed to be an obstacle.

And even if they were, travelling with a portkey was much faster.

I had to live with that willy-nilly.

My problem was more that I was afraid of what lay ahead.

I had felt ready but what if I wasn't?

What if I was never ready to go to her grave?

What if I never got over it?

And what if I would never be truly happy because I couldn't accept her death?

"Daisy?!", Min called me and judging by the look on her face, it wasn't the first time she had called me.

She was holding onto an old timetable that would be our travel object.

Draco was also holding onto this timetable, which only allowed one conclusion: we were off.

I quickly grabbed a corner of the slightly yellowed paper and not five seconds later the world blurred before my eyes.

When the world had put itself back together and everything was no longer spinning, I opened my eyes.

We were standing at the old mill, about a kilometre from my grandparents' house.

Portkeys had to be registered and it had always been important that Grandpa and his animals were safe.

So Portkeys never sent you straight to the house, for security reasons.

But walking a kilometre was really no big deal, especially if you didn't have to carry your luggage.

Besides, the weather was fantastic, I could have walked for hours.

But it would soon be dark so we took the direct route.

All three of us didn't talk much on the way, all for different reasons.

Draco was too busy taking in any impressions around us. Min was never very talkative and I was struggling with my self-doubt.

"This is it," I said to Draco as the house appeared among the hills.

It was a small stone brick house, hidden between hills and a coniferous forest bordered the west side.

It had always been our little hideaway from the world somehow.

I had spent most of my childhood here and this place was bursting with memories.

My tree house in the big cherry tree had never been taken down and the colourful patches on the patio still bore witness to the artwork I had painted there when I was eight.

Everything was a little faded, but never forgotten.

It was my home.

The place where I had always been safe.

A place where I was happy.

The emphasis here was 'was', because I didn't know how well I would react to all these memories.

Draco said nothing but just continued to look around.

It was nothing special, especially in contrast to the one he had probably grown up in.

I knew his family had money and power, so I assumed he had grown up in a big house, if not a mansion.

"Not what you're used to, I know, but it's everything I could ever want in a home."

We were now standing right in front of the house, the flower bed to our left and right, which was currently blooming in its full glory.

Hopefully Draco didn't have a pollen allergy.

"No, not what I'm used to," he said staring dreamily into the flowers, so I could almost think he liked it.

Grandpa opened the door for us and embraced first Min and then me. He only shook Draco's hand, which was definitely the best thing for Draco to do.

Hugs were still difficult.

The living room in which we were now standing more or less directly looked exactly like the Room of Requirement.

Flooded with light, not as neat as one would wish and it smelled like home.

"I'd like to go straight to bed, I'm pretty tired," I said quickly.

I wasn't really tired, I just wanted to get out of these memories.

It was too much all at once.

No one protested as I disappeared into my room with Draco after saying goodnight to both of them.

Although I was sure that Min would have to pull herself together very much not to say anything against it.

Draco was still unusually quiet as I closed the door behind us.

"Are you alright?", I asked cautiously, throwing my bag on the bed.

"Draco?", I asked again when he gave me no answer.

"Yeah, it's just so different from anything I know."

He had that slight smile on his lips again as he brushed a loose strand behind my ear.

"Is that good or bad?"

"Good. Definitely good but a little depressing."

I looked at him rapturously.

Yes, these memories were hard for me but for him, this house shouldn't seem depressing.

"I can see why you love this place. And now I know what home should have been like."

Oh. Had his childhood really been that bad?

I knew his teenage years were bad for him, but I thought at least his childhood had been reasonably good.

"Mi casa es su casa," I replied with a smile, and a puzzled expression came straight to his face.

"My home is also your home," I translated.

Now he grinned at me and hugged me. "Thank you," he whispered into my hair.

"Are you too tired or are you still showing me your room?", was what he asked next, breaking our embrace.

I nodded.

My room wasn't huge but it was bigger than what I had at Hogwarts.

One wall was completely covered by a bookshelf, which was stacked with many more books than were actually intended for it.

My bed was also bigger than at Hogwarts and contained a mountain of pillows.

The bed was surrounded by a string of lights, which I switched on and now bathed the whole room in cosy light.

My desk was tidy, which was simply because I hadn't sat at it for over half a year.

But my highlight of the room was my plateau.

A ladder led up to a platform that towered over the rest of the room.

Up there, everything was covered with pillows and blankets. I always hid up there when I didn't want anyone to find me.

There I was protected from everything and no one was allowed to come up to me unless I allowed it.

There were photos of my parents and on days when I missed them enormously I would curl up there and be invisible to the world.

But I didn't tell Draco all that, I just showed him what it looked like up there.

After my little tour, we got ready for bed.

"What do you see in those things?", I laughed when I saw Draco in one of those hideous silk pyjamas again.

"You have a problem with my pyjamas?", he said playfully serious, crossing his arms in front of his chest.

"Yeah, they're really ugly."

"So you're saying I have no taste?"

"Not when it comes to your sleeping clothes," I laughed.

I realised too late that this was a mistake.

Draco lunged at me so that I fell backwards onto the bed and he pinned me underneath him.

I had no chance to free myself, he was clearly physically superior to me.

"Now tell me again that I have no taste."

Wisps of hair fell into his face as he grinned conspiratorially at me.

"Are you going to kiss me or do I actually have to say it again?", I asked him and he didn't need to be told twice.

Directly his lips found mine and pressed against them demanding.

He quickly changed our position, which was quite convenient for me.

I was now sitting on his lap. He had removed my hands from his grip, which I used directly.

It was a risky move, I knew, but I wanted to try.

I quickly let my fingers slide up his cheek into his hair.

His hair was sacred to him, I had never dared touch it but now was different.

Now I was sitting in my old room, with Draco, my boyfriend, on his lap and we were kissing.

I wanted to touch him and I hoped that he trusted me enough to let me touch his hair.

While my fingers gently glided over his scalp, I got a direct answer to my question.

He trusted me and this feeling was indescribable.

My fingers ran through his hair and I hoped that he wouldn't take it too badly, because they didn't look so perfect now.

Meanwhile, his hands stroked down my back, careful not to touch an inch of my skin.

It was almost frustrating how he avoided the places where my shirt would sometimes ride up and instead pulled the shirt right again.

But I wasn't really annoyed about it.

This kiss, this moment with Draco made me forget everything.

Every dark thought, every self-doubt I had had just minutes ago.

Everything was gone and left me with only one thought and that was him.

He was simply everything.

At some point he pushed me off one lap so that I was now sitting next to him on the bed, still looking at him out of breath.

He looked dreamlike. His hair was wild and fell in strands down his face, his cheeks were flushed and his eyes were shining.

He didn't look perfect and that's exactly why it was perfect for me.

I dropped into the pillows and he snuggled behind me.

I lay in his arms which I gently stroked while he kissed the back of my neck and murmured a "good night".

He seemed to have been quite exhausted because I quickly heard his deep and quiet alAtteming.

I, on the other hand, would get little to no sleep this night.

Draco had been a great distraction but now he was asleep and my thoughts were killing me.

A year. It's been a year. The first of many.

A year without her hugs.

A year without her good advice.

A year without the person who knew me best in the world.

Someone who knew all my fears, doubts and dreams.

Those moments that could have been hours before I fell asleep were the moments I realised I wasn't ready for tomorrow.

I would never be ready. But I wanted to be, I wanted to be strong because that's what I was raised to be.

To be strong, to be brave, to take advantage of being underestimated.

I knew how to defend myself against danger, only no one had ever taught me how to fight against danger that came not from outside but from within.

When I woke up it was still dark and Draco was still asleep. But I could no longer lie down.

I freed myself from his grip and crept out of the room.

I had to get some fresh air.

I didn't get far.

The steps of the ladder up to the tree house had seen better days and I was a little worried that it wouldn't hold my weight as I climbed it.

I remembered it being a bit bigger, but otherwise everything was the same as the last time I was up here.

I searched the wooden beams with my fingertips.

I quickly found what I was looking for.

Three names, carved by a five-year-old with a rather blunt knife and an admittedly terrible handwriting.

'Florentine. Tina. Newt.' Framed by two undefinable objects above and below it.

There were two stars, but that was only recognisable to me because I had carved them myself and knew what they were supposed to be.

One star for my mom and one star for my dad.

I had wanted to immortalise myself here so that if anyone should ever doubt that the tree house in the Scamanders' garden really belonged to us.

As a five-year-old, this train of thought seemed perfectly logical to me.

There were still the same three names in the wood, nothing had changed, as if time had stood still.

Time had passed by this piece of wood and left no traces, the only one who had left traces there was me with my blunt knife.

There were still three names and two stars, but now there had to be two names and three stars.

I transformed and carved a third star into the wood with my claws.

This was now the only one that could be recognised as a star.

Three names and three stars. It was still wrong.

But I couldn't do it, I couldn't cross out her name.

I just couldn't.

This realisation made me cry, sob uncontrollably and bury my head in my fur.

Cats can't cry, not the way humans can but I was both and so I was able to.

It was good that no one was here to witness this, because human emotions in an animal were always strange, no matter how many times you said you didn't think it was strange.

I cried until I fell asleep and didn't wake up again until the sun came up.

I was actually feeling a bit better, which didn't mean I was fine.

I still felt like crap but this wasn't the time to show it.

Everyone here, Draco excluded, was struggling with her death and I had no right to think my grief was worse than theirs.

My grandpa had lost his wife, the person he shared his life with. The person he loved.

He should be the one lying in a tree house crying, or at least I should be the one bringing him the tissues when he did.

It was still very early, the rest were surely still asleep, so I closed the door as quietly as I could.

"How long have you been awake?", Draco asked quietly from the sofa and I almost had a heart attack, I was so scared.

"Not long," I lied and joined him on the sofa.

He wrapped his arms around me, pulled me so that his legs were now to my right and left and gave me a kiss on the back of my neck.

"I've been sitting here for an hour," he said, making it sound like an accusation.

"Why do you even ask when you already know the answer?", I asked, annoyed but still letting my head sink against his chest.

"It's okay, I won't ask any more questions. You have two sets of ears," he stated.

He didn't ask what was wrong or how I was, he simply noted that my cat ears were peeking out from my hair.

He didn't want an explanation, he didn't ask questions, he was just there, offering me the chance to talk about it myself if I wanted to. But I didn't want to.

"How did you sleep?", I asked him instead.

"Fine, but too short," he grumbled, annoyed.

And even now he didn't ask how I had slept, because the fact that I was up so early said everything about my sleep.

I remembered my thought from last night and now that the rest of the family would certainly not be up until 8 o'clock, which left us just under an hour, I was curious.

"When you say this isn't what you're used to, what are you used to?"

"You really want to know?"

"Yeah, I wouldn't have asked otherwise."

"Okay, close your eyes."

"What why?", I asked, confused.

"So you can picture it better. So close your eyes." I nodded.

"So..." he began and a picture built up in my mind's eye.

"We're standing in front of a big metal gate. To our right and left are hedges five metres high, obscuring the path to the house in front of us.

We walk through the gate and look up at the house. Large, dark grey stone with pointed towers at the four corners.

Light filters through some of the windows on the facade but you can't make out what's going on inside."

Wow, he narrated incredibly well, apart from the fact that his description was really bleak so far.

"Now we are standing in front of a large, double-winged entrance gate as dark wood.

At eye level is a massive, silver door knocker.

The door opens and we stand in a hall of sorts. The ceilings are high and the floor is black marble.

A huge chandelier hangs from the ceiling, showing the guests directly how rich we are and how little taste we have in interior decoration."

I had to laugh.

"I'm serious, that thing is enormously ugly. Even uglier than my pyjamas."

"Are you going to tell me about your room?", I asked curiously? That was what interested me the most.

"Which one of the three?"

Now my eyes snapped open and I turned to face him.

"You have three rooms?!"

"Well, actually one of them is my wardrobe.

A bedroom, a study, a bathroom and a wardrobe. So kind of two, three and four rooms."

"Damn! How much money do you actually have?"

"Quite a lot Scamander. Quite a lot."

The description of his room was quite similar to his room at Hogwarts, only twice as big and with a walk-in wardrobe.

He had never said that he had any siblings and since there was no other Malfoy at Hogwarts apart from him and he was certainly the first-born, the way he presented himself, I concluded that he was an only child.

So much space for a single child sounded dreamlike at first, but I could imagine it being quite lonely.

I was about to find out more about his view from his room when Grandpa came into the living room.

He didn't seem really surprised that we were already awake.

He drank himself a coffee and then disappeared downstairs his magical creatures.

Draco and I set about making breakfast, which the four of us ate about three quarters of an hour later.

Everything was still kind of sleepy but in a few hours we would be standing in a graveyard.

And just the thought of it made my heart tighten painfully.