Chapter 18: Her Dork
The manure lost itself once Ariadne soaked in the lake.
She was a bit startled by the presence of nymphs, satyrs, mortals, and other immortal creatures also being in the lake. Bathing under colorful petals. Playing by the shore. Soaking their laundry.
Atalanta had found them a small spot hidden by some menhirs imported from Gaul. It wasn't used often in summer, but in cooler seasons, it was used as a hot spring. She also managed to convince the laundry duty members into trading their dirty clothes for clean ones.
Atalanta also got a nymph to give her some aloe. Ariadne found out once in the water that Dionysus' mortal tagalong had already noticed the bandage.
"That shitty rainbow nymph can lie as much as she wants, Dionysus will know Circe burned you." Atalanta spread the plant's fluids onto Ariadne's wrist. "We let this sit, and Dio will think you accidentally touched a hot pot."
Ariadne managed to find a flat spot on a rock for her to rest her arm.
She still couldn't believe it.
At most an hour should have passed. She wasn't waking up in Crete.
By the grass where their clothes waited, the floral tiara's fragrance was blown towards it. Ariadne smelled her birth land… but she didn't feel homesick.
Asterion was alone…
"So what do you wanna do while you're here? Besides, you know, obviously hanging out with Dio?" Atalanta's rapid questions interrupted Ariadne.
"Uh… stuff?" Ariadne said.
"Ooh! Stuff is good!" Atalanta clapped her hands. "I mean, Dio's already planning on throwing a welcome-to-Nysa party tomorrow night… She thought you might be too tired to do one tonight! I could totally introduce you to my bear family!"
"Bear… family?"
"A ma and two brothers, they're really crazy! I walk around in bearskin because, you know, humans smell bad. I got to change skins once in a while, because, ya know, it's the fur of a carcass. I wait until I find a bear dead of natural causes before I skin it. I don't wanna upset Lady Artemis."
Ariadne almost considered the idea of running out of the water.
"Silenus was really nice, letting me bring the bears along… He didn't want to leave me alone without friends, but he didn't want to split me from my family. Dio probably told you this a thousand times, but Silenus always brings foundlings into the retinue. Give them a home."
Ariadne looked at Atalanta. "You were abandoned… and bears raised you… and Dio's dad let you bring your bears… because you didn't have friends?"
This wasn't even the weirdest sentence of the day.
"Well… My only friends are Dio and Pan. And Castor and Pollux are really cool, but they don't live here. I hang out with the other hunters, but we don't exactly become friends while hunting. And most of the retinue members keep their kids away from me. They say I'm 'unhinged.'"
Ariadne felt bad for Atalanta… though she did mentally agree about the unhinged part.
"I… don't have friends either… except Dionysus."
"Yeah, your parents sound weird."
"TELL me about it!" Ariadne rolled her eyes.
"I mean, aren't royals supposed to make friends for the sake of political networking?" Atalanta got out to grab her towel. "It's what I don't like about this economy! If ya have a boy, mazel tov! If you have a girl, dump her in the woods, marry her off to a rich guy, or make her a virginal priestess and leave her on a platter for a divine pervert!"
"I don't think my social life was a priority for them." Ariadne got out to dry herself as well. Even after rubbing her hair a dozen times, the wetness and humidity frizzled her hair.
"Great! We can make that a 'priority' every time you visit!" Atalanta tossed on her tunic.
Ariadne looked blankly at the white woven fabric with embroided flowers waiting for her. Atalanta helped her fold in the 'chiton' around her, tying it with a rope.
"White and flowers don't work for you on a chiton. It TOTALLY clashes with your hair! Dionysus prepped like a thousand possible outfits for ya. Ya'll definitely find something that isn't 'clichéd girliness' and more 'constellation in the dark abyss.'" She placed the floral tiara on top of Ariadne's hair. "Dang! You look scarier than Dio!"
Ariadne chuckled. "He can be silly when he gets hurt."
"Oh my Gaia, you've GOT to tell me about your rough play with Dio, how many times ya kicked his ass, and more importantly, how he deals with your sass! You sound like you can never say something nice without sounding like a bitch, and bitch-like passive-aggressiveness is always in style!"
Ariadne smiled.
So MAYBE all of this wasn't a dream.
She grimaced at her reflection in the waters. Atalanta was right.
White was SO not her color.
"I don't get why Greeks like white so much."
"Eh. It's a backwards society." Atalanta grabbed her bow and arrows. "Let's go to the temple. Wait til you see where you'll crash for the weekend!"
Meanwhile
Dionysus was almost on her way out with some clothes for Ariadne when the temple's interior darkened. Silenus nearly dropped his torch when the chthonic goddess stood by the statue of Gaia. Fortunately, Silenus caught it before it could reach Dodo's fur.
Auntie Persephone looked tired. Tired than she usually was.
Dionysus almost questioned the latest stunt she had pulled, but mentally shook the notion away.
"Kore?" Silenus guided the Queen of the Underworld to the nearest seat. Dionysus fetched a cup of water for his aunt.
"Sorry about the intrusion… But Asclepius' arrest is a toil on us… What with the Underworld bearing the right to judge his punishment… We uncovered a lot of dirt…" Persephone lifted up her black veil so she could drink. "And with the Elysium project… Our issues with Tartarus… And we're soon announcing my admittance into the Fertility Fellowship."
"A lot for you to handle." Silenus nodded. Dionysus wasn't sure why Silenus gave her such a stare. The old satyr went back to Persephone. "Did you want us to come over for dinner?"
"If that isn't too much trouble…"
"But Pops!" Dionysus exclaimed. "What about Ari?"
Silenus stiffened. Persephone tilted her head curiously.
"Dio, now's not…" Silenus began.
"Hey, nuh uh!" Black thorned vines popped out of Dionysus' locks and started coiling around his horns. "I pay up my grounding, and you don't get angry about Crete! Ari hangs out with us every weekend from now on! We agreed! When she comes over, I hang out with her!"
"I get that, Dio, but…"
"Who's Ari?" Persephone chuckled. "Did you get a girlfriend, Dio?"
"We're friends! What do you think I am, Zeus?" Dionysus hissed.
"Really?" Persephone smirked. "Little Minoan girl dropped off by a rainbow?"
Dionysus and Silenus didn't understand the Queen of the Underworld's joke.
"My mother had a run-in with your friend and her aunt before Iris dropped her off." Persephone sighed. "I'm really sorry about my mother's behavior, Dio. I don't know why she doesn't like Minoans."
"Like I care about the Olympian bullies?" Dionysus snarked. "I don't wanna Demi's apology. If she wants to, she should apologize to Ari."
"She will." Persephone's eyes beamed. "Here's a thought. Why don't you bring her with you for dinner?"
Silenus whistled the obvious. "And your fiancé's anti-sun god rule, Kore? Ariadne is Helios' granddaughter."
"And with my Fertility Fellowship being approved, Hades and I are planning several meetings with the leads of the IPO… and you'd be surprised by the amount of fertility gods who are sun gods. Besides, last time I checked, the immortal records haven't labeled Dio's friend as a sun demi-Titan, right? She's doesn't fit the bill yet."
Dionysus' vines disappeared as he smiled.
"Kore, are you POSITIVE it won't inconvenience you?" Silenus put his hands on his son's shoulders. "And that Zeus won't know we're coming?"
"I don't want Zeus to meet my constellation," Dionysus spoke flatly.
Persephone couldn't retain your giggle. Even Silenus had trouble hiding his and scratched the ground with his hoof.
"YOUR constellation? Dio, just how cute is your friend?" Persephone asked.
A blushing Dionysus transformed into a purple-quilled hedgehog, curling into a ball to hide the embarrassment on his blushing green cheeks.
In the hallway, the girls were well hidden from the scene. The accidental eavesdropping couldn't stop Ariadne's cheeks to emit some flares. She quickly cupped her cheeks with her hands.
A giddy Atalanta mouthed to her: "HIS constellation?"
MUCH later
Hera's limousine pulled into the driveway of Hades and Persephone's mansion. As she stepped out, the Queen of the Gods noticed the lights coming from the windows and the shadows moving around.
"Looks like they're planning a last minute dinner with guests," Hera noted.
"How can you tell, Your Majesty?" Iris fluttered out of the car. Echo flattened down the skirt of the grey bouffant dress they'd given Iris to wear. As Iris had told Hera, the Underworld made Iris lose her glow. Her see-through reflected the Underworld's neon blue lights and pitch-black darkness. Her rain hair, tied into a ponytail, was silver like the River Styx. Even the scales of her wings had desaturated, like a fish swimming deeper into the ocean's bottom.
"Hades always works fast whenever he has people for dinner." Hera sniffed the air. "Fresh flowers… Persephone must be decorating."
"I wonder what her next decorations will be once she hears your fabulous idea!" Iris giggled.
"Remember to watch your words, little one," Echo patiently warned.
"I will only be polite to the deities Her Majesty allows me to be respectful to… But if we start talking crap about gods we don't like, I won't retain myself!"
Hera and Echo just sighed.
To their surprise, a purple limousine pulled over in front of the fence. Instinctively, Hera had her nymphs follow her back into the limousine. They peaked from the windows.
"Why are we hiding?" Iris whispered.
"Observe before deciding," Echo explained. "Perhaps it's the guests Hades and Persephone had over. Or it could be the press. The presence of the Queen of Olympus could either terrify the press or it could disturb the VIP. Perhaps an Olympian tried to visit the Underworld's rulers without expecting us."
"Oh, so it's like analyzing a prey before deciding how to kill it." Iris giggled.
People started coming out of the purple limousine. The front gate was opened for them.
Hera's eyes widened.
30 years can be such a long while. Silenus had marks of tiredness under his eyes, but he still had plenty of energy left to control the three brats with him. She wasn't used to seeing him in a suit either.
The two boys, she recognized quickly.
Pan, the small red satyr who looked too young to be anxious. Dionysus…
Even without the presence of a cheering crowd, Dionysus had plenty of energy to bounce around. Even when dressed nicely, he didn't wear shoes. Small vines bloomed where he danced. However, unlike aboveground, his vines in the Underworld were black.
Iris gasped. "Oh shit…"
"What?" Echo asked.
"I… am so doomed." Iris pointed at the girl accompanying the Nysaen trio.
…
Ariadne buttoned the bishop sleeves of her white top. She tried flattening her black tiered skirt. She felt blisters on her feet, thanks to those flats. Now she understood why Dionysus refused to wear shoes.
"Blisters?" Silenus asked.
"How is this ahead of mortal times?" Ariadne lifted her left foot.
"I told you that sandals might be better." Dionysus stopped on the last step leading to the front door.
"They clashed with this outfit! I'm from the Mortal Realm, not fashion prison!" Ariadne lifted her arms up. In the Underworld's lights, the sequins on her outfit reflected the blue hues. Black maze patterns on her skirt. Grey constellation patterns at the sleeves' ends. Dionysus had used white grapevines to tie up Ariadne's hair in her preferred Minoan style.
"She's not wrong," Pan nodded.
"Well, Uncle Hades and Auntie Persephone have a first aid kit. I can put a lotion on those blisters for you. And you can dip your feet in their pool!"
"Pool?" Ariadne blinked. "There's no ocean."
"It's like your Mom's hot bath, except the water's cooler, you can relax, and swim for fun!" Dionysus stood on her tiptoes to reach the doorbell. It only took a few seconds for the door to open.
The goddess opening the door was perhaps the pinkest thing Ariadne had ever seen. Then again, maybe the Underworld's darkness made her pop or her dark green dress and black jewelry made her look like a blooming field. Or it could be the aura emitting out of the goddess.
The aura that haloed all fertility goddesses with Gaia's light. The same aura Ariadne had picked up on Dionysus when she first met, reason for her to provide the demigod with her pendant to shield that aura. Dionysus' aura had darkened when his double puberty had struck.
Persephone's aura was as dark as his.
Perhaps this was the side effect when fertility deities became chthonic.
Dionysus was the first one to jump into Persephone's arms.
"Auntie Persephone! Thank you for letting us bring Ari over!"
"Aw, but you know I can't refuse you anything!" Persephone peppered the demigod's forehead with kisses. "We all need a break, anyway."
Dionysus sighed in her aunt's hug. As a small snake, she slithered out, making Persephone giggle. Dionysus morphed back to stand by Ariadne's side.
"Persephone, allow us to introduce our current guest at Nysa." Silenus gently placed his hand over Ariadne's shoulder. "Ariadne of Knossos. Daughter of King Minos and Queen Pasiphaë of Crete. Granddaughter of Helios."
"A princess?" Persephone's eyes twinkled. "You're so cute!"
"Uh… Thank you, Lady Persephone." Ariadne curtsied.
"Oh, don't do that. Just call me Persephone. I'm still getting the hang of being Queen of the Underworld, so I'm not much of a lady yet. But I must warn you, I don't like being called Persie."
Ariadne blushed at the goddess' casual tone.
"Well I hope you all brought your appetite!" Persephone clasped her hands. "Hades just cooked arancini, mushroom ziti, and caponata. And I made baklava using Hestia's recipe!"
Dionysus and Pan licked their lips.
"What's baklava?" Ariadne asked.
"The fastest way to love any dessert with Auntie Hestia's recipe!" Dionysus ran indoors.
"Back off! It's mine!" Pan ran after his sibling.
"KIDS!" Silenus exclaimed.
"I got them!" Somebody shouted from indoors.
"Thank you, Hades!"
"Hey, Kore, when you get the chance, can you tell Hera to stop hoarding our driveway?"
Later
For the first time in her life, Dionysus had underestimated her potential interactions with her… stepmother.
Dinner had barely started, and everyone was dead silent. Hades took the head of the table, with Persephone on his right and Hera on hers. Next to Hera, Echo ate in awkward silence while Iris struggled to look away from Ariadne's glowing eyes.
Dionysus was aware of how pissed Ariadne was at Iris.
Dionysus was lucky to be sitting between Silenus and Ariadne, but that meant sitting across from Hera. Pan wasn't even the stepchild in question, but he shared Silenus' anxiety. Old and young satyrs were too nervous to even drink.
She probably hated your stupid doodle, Dionysus thought. You're just a mistake.
I'm not a mistake.
Hello! You might as well have a sign that screams 'Dinner between the Queen of the Gods and yet another symbol of her husband's infidelity!'
I didn't mean to upset her!
Zeus doesn't give a damn what he does to her! The purple doodoo could care less! Why does it matter if you care.
The dark blue hues of the house started to swish to purple ones. The windows now emitted green lights.
You know you'll die anyway. You might as well ask her to kill you to save her honor.
I don't wanna die like that!
Oh, why should you care how you die? You're only half-immortal!
Ariadne slapped the back of his head. The colors shifted back to normal. Fortunately, it was all happening in his head, but it didn't change the fact that to everyone else, Dionysus had zoned out.
"Stop that," Ariadne said. "What are you even doing?"
"Uh… having a conversation with myself?" Dionysus hesitated. "In my head?"
He nervously ate an arancini whole.
"I put your doodle on my fridge," Hera said. "It was very nice of you."
"Dio sent you a drawing too?" Persephone pointed at the fridge. Despite it being several feet away, you could barely see the fridge's surface underneath all the doodles pinned with magnets. All of Hades' dogs with cute ribbons. Dionysus holding hands with his aunt and uncle. A bunch of flower doodles.
The most disturbing ones were those of Persephone strangling Kronos and Apollo being crushed… by the butt of a giant dodo.
"The purple doodoo being crushed by the dodo is my favorite." Persephone giggled.
"Is that the term you coined for Apollo?" Hera smirked at Dionysus "Any chance I could get that on a T-shirt?"
"I… don't think you'd want to wear THAT shirt, Hera." Silenus laughed nervously.
"Oh, like Zeus would care! We live separately!"
"Well… Knowing this one, he'd probably want to shove that T-shirt on the namesake and burn him alive with the shirt on."
"Ooh! Can I do that?" Dionysus' eyes gleamed.
"NO!" Silenus exclaimed.
"But that would be so funny if he caught on fire! How does a sun god get caught on fire?"
"Nuclear fusion to transform hydrogen into helium." Ariadne smiled at the taste of the mushroom ziti. "This feast is very delicious, Lord Hades and Lady Persephone."
"Aw, thanks! But I told you, just call us Hades and Persephone." Persephone smiled back. "I'm very curious, Ari. How'd you meet Dionysus?"
"The dork was nearly dead and he wouldn't leave me alone."
The gods glanced at Silenus.
"Before ANYONE asks, I filed the paperwork for Dionysus' messes once Olympus reopened!" Silenus pointed his fork at them. "And yes, we have a lawyer. She keeps our paperwork safe."
"Silenus, I think I'm more worried why my nephew/niece was nearly dead than the paperwork." Hades frowned at Silenus.
Dionysus was surrounded in purple and green hues again. His hands cupping his glass were now chained to a mast. The walls ripped apart, leaving the foundations to turn into a ship. The Underworld became a sea the color of poison. Everyone surrounding Dionysus had their faces melting. All Dionysus saw were the shadowed faces of the Tyrrhenian pirates. All he saw from them were the glowing eyes.
Oh, you couldn't just nap with the others? You had to do it by the beaches?
They saw right through you.
You know why Silenus told you to never step in broad daylight!
They didn't believe your own lies!
You should have just died in the water!
You realize how you're annoying?
Maybe if you had died, your mommy would still be alive!
Without you, HE wouldn't have done it!
Lost in his own madness again.
"You know, Hades. An idea came to me," Hera spoke. "For how to punish Asclepius."
"Share away." Hades said. "Can you believe that Olympus' finest doctor was his mole, Silenus?"
"Can't say I'm surprised… But I'd be careful when you say the 'A' word around Dio…"
Dionysus blinked, relieved to be back in reality.
"Where did we lose you?" Silenus asked.
"Paperwork?" Dionysus looked around.
He zoned out for so long, they were now placing the dessert plates. Persephone put his plate before Dionysus and placed a gentle hand on his forehead.
"You sure you alright, Dio?" The goddess asked.
"I… just need to go powder my nose." Dionysus jumped off his chair and made a quick exit.
He quickly turned back to bring his baklava with him.
A half hour later
Ariadne knew her Dorknysus too well. He never took so long in the bathroom. With dessert over, she was too distracted to bother interacting. Pan and Iris were playing video games while the adults talked.
The gods were no different than Cretan royals. Just because they were nice to Dionysus' friend didn't mean they LIKED Ariadne. She figured she would hang out with the one decent immortal in the house.
She found Dionysus by the pool. Though right now, Ariadne knew it would be a bad idea to dip a toe in there.
Dionysus had dipped his. Ecstasy secreted out of his skin. He had wrapped himself with a towel, but the fluid still stained the fabric like the tunic of a soldier injured in battle. The ecstasy from his legs in the water polluted the pool. THAT concerned her.
"So?" She sat next to Dionysus. "What's the drama?"
Dionysus wrapped his towel tighter. "I'm overfilled."
"How ironic, you barely ate. I must admit, those arancini were good."
Ariadne glanced down.
Dionysus' baklava plate was intact. That concerned her more than the pool pollution. Dionysus had a sugar tooth bigger than a Cyclopes' stomach.
"'The raw power of ecstasy that allows the disfunction of mind and body. Where there is an overflow of happiness must also overflow with tragedy. Bless your followers with never-ending satisfaction and punish your enemies with eternal madness.'" Dionysus recited. "My godmother's everlasting words… I felt the ecstasy growing once I realized they built temples for me… But it's never enough! I get overfilled with madness when I'm making people happy, and I get overfilled with glee when I make people miserable! I'm hanging out with the people that matter to me… and all I can think of is my own misery…"
"Didn't creating the Maenads help you detox?"
"Yeah, but…"
Ariadne went through Dionysus' hair. With his wild habits, she knew of his sweat being grape seeds. Plucking whichever ones she could find, she started tossing grape seeds one by one into the pool. Five, ten, fifty… The growing number of seeds drained the dirty pool. As the ecstasy was consumed by the rooting seeds, Dionysus cooled down. Tossing away the towel, he revealed his purple stained arms fading back to their original hazel color.
"Thanks…"
"What would you do without me?" Ariadne plucked the last seed and tossed it.
"I'd be drowning."
White flowers were now blooming at the pool's bottom.
Ariadne flicked Dionysus' forehead.
"Stop commiserating over your near-death experience." Ariadne stuck her legs over the pool's edges. "Honestly, I prefer Dorknysus over whatever kind of drama queen you're being right now." She pointed Dionysus with a warning glare. "And no more near-death experiences, dork! Otherwise, I might make you wish for death."
Dionysus shivered with an odd grin on her face.
"What was that for?" Ariadne asked.
"I got excited when you threatened to hurt me…" Dionysus giggled.
"Yeah, no, I'm still nine and you're ten!" Ariadne pushed Dionysus into the pool. Baby Maenads were popping out from the growing grapes like newborn hatchlings. Dionysus quickly summoned vines to lift them up. She morphed into a bird and swooped around, perching herself onto Ariadne's finger. Ariadne snorted. "You're weird, Dorknysus."
The bird tilted its head.
"What?" Ariadne asked.
"It's stupid."
"Threw it out then, birdbrain."
"The way you glow. When you're angry, you burn like an eclipse. But in this darkness, you shine like seven stars. Your grandpa might be the Sun, but you're a constellation."
"Aw, Dorknysus…" Ariadne's cheeks blushed out flares.
Dionysus morphed back into his demigod appearance.
"Hey. Shit aside, we're always friends, right?" Dionysus helped Ariadne up.
"Yeah. But not too friendly!" Ariadne gave Dionysus a warning punch on the arm. Dionysus laughed.
"DIONYSUS? WHERE DID THE MAENADS COME FROM?"
Dionysus shuddered.
"You stay. I'll take care of it." Ariadne placed a quick kiss on his Dionysus' cheek. Ariadne ran to join the others and settle down the demigod's creations.
Dionysus dropped into the pool. The white grapevine flowers rapidly exploded into a cloud of blooming jasmines. The ecstasy evaporated out of Dionysus as she lied in the jasmine, sighing.
"Wow. You're as much of a lovebird as Hades."
Dionysus didn't budge. She was too relaxed to get out of the jasmines. Her eyes darted upward to look at Hera.
"Ariadne's my friend. I'm not like Uncle Hades. He's nice." Dionysus shook her head.
"Are you saying you're not nice?" Hera floated downward. "I think you are. I liked your letter."
Dionysus sat up. "It… didn't upset you?"
"Your doodle's on my fridge. Your little P.S is why Zeus might need a new phone tonight." Hera's fingers stroked some of the jasmine flowers.
Dionysus tapped her fingers against her knees. "Lady Hera, I know I shouldn't exist. I'm… a bad reminder."
"Shush." To Dionysus' surprise, Hera tucked a jasmine flower in her purple hair. "Don't speak like that…"
Hera froze, her eyes glowing. Dionysus made sure to stay calm. She didn't want the Queen of the Gods to enter her personal madness. She didn't want the Queen to see her plans…
Dionysus only let Hera see her trauma.
"Oh, Dionysus…" Hera shed a singular tear. "What you witnessed… What you have endured… What you still struggle… No child should have to deal with that. I'm sorry about your mother…"
Dionysus gulped.
"You love your family in Nysa. You love Hades and Persephone. You love Ariadne… And you just hate Apollo!" Hera snickered. "Oh, I knew I was going to like you the moment you irritated Zeus!"
"Uh?" Dionysus gasped.
"It's cute that you thought I wouldn't see through you." Hera calmly helped Dionysus stand up. "The footage. Cassandra. I started to pick up the pieces. Your concoctions are unique, primordial beings like the Fates would do anything to acquire even a bottle. The absinthe is where I started to pick the pieces. You spiked the absinthe's IAC, took Apollo's form, and poisoned the priestess. You ran off. Plan A, 'Apollo' would be arrested for murdering a mortal. An act of wrath… Or maybe, that WASN'T your plan A? You somehow found out Asclepius' corrupt medical history. Snitching to his father.
"You knew that Apollo would value Cassandra enough to resurrect her. So you didn't just poison her, you cursed the absinthe to twist her gift of prophecy should she come back to life. When diagnosed, it would just make it seem as if the alcohol did it due to the spiked IAC. And when Apollo would have Asclepius revive her, he wouldn't just be accused of assaulting his own priestess, but also assaulting the order of life and death. Apollo can't be punished directly, but Asclepius would get it. And removing Asclepius removes an asset. Disabling Cassandra disvalues her as an asset."
Dionysus scowled and inhaled.
"Before you ask, Your Majesty," Dionysus said, "I had my paperwork done. Nemesis is my lawyer."
Hera laughed. "Well that explains her jubilation!" She clasped her hands together. "I already knew I was going to like you the moment you defied Zeus, but destroying Apollo's credibility? You might as well be my favorite of Zeus' bastards after Perseus."
"That's a statement." Dionysus crossed his arms. "No one can replace Perseus."
"No. But Apollo is." Hera pointed out. "I think you and I are invested in the same goal, Dionysus. Zeus was unable to bring Apollo down a peg during the divide, ESPECIALLY after your aunt's trial. You did it in less than a few weeks."
Dionysus leaned in, curious about what Hera had to offer.
"You keep being you. RUIN him. Best him. Force him to grovel before you."
The demigod couldn't resist liking his lips.
"In return, and I swear on the River Styx, I owe you ONE favor."
"A favor from the Queen of the Gods? For a worthless child like me?" Dionysus pondered. He extended his hand. "Just kidding! I'm all aboard… Your Majesty."
"Do well, and you can call me Hera."
Divine and semi-divine hands met. Peacock feathers and purple vines intertwined. Hera gasped from the pinch of ecstasy that met her veins. Dionysus squirmed at the feeling of divine ichor.
"WOW!" Dionysus wiggled his fingers out. "Looks like it's time for the next step. Oh, and Lady Hera?"
"Yes?"
"Concerning the disposable asset… I think you might get on Pasiphaë's good side if you, say, gave her a LITTLE present to show your respect. SOMETHING that COULD get Apollo REALLY riled up."
"Well, with good timing. You might want to talk with Persephone and Hades, then. They might want you to decide on the method for Asclepius' execution."