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IV. Denial

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Allana returned to the detention level that afternoon with a handful of wet rags, and when the energy shield deactivated, she descended the steps slowly, watching for Festus's reaction. He eyed the rags skeptically. "You didn't bring any water."

"These are already damp," she said as she knelt before him and set all but one of the rags aside.

"You're getting the floor all wet," he informed her. "Don't you have a bowl or something you could put those in?"

"And give you something to turn into a weapon?" she replied evenly. "I don't think so. I've seen what you're capable of."

He shrugged, and without being asked, he tilted his head so she could work. "I'm flattered that you think I could use a bowl of water to escape a Jedi prison."

She took hold of his chin, about to remind him that the Jedi didn't have a prison, when she realized what he was doing. She raised the cloth to the corner of his eye and began to gently scrub.

"You're pretty good," she admitted. "Trying to get me to reveal where we are."

A faint smirk. "You don't need to say anything. I already know."

She stopped, holding the cloth away from his face. Had she confirmed something without realizing it? Maybe the fact that she'd answered at all? Or was he just lying to throw her off balance?

"Where do you think you are?" She resumed cleaning, moving down along his cheek and jaw.

"I'm not giving up my advantage that easily." He sounded almost amused; he really thought so little of her, like it was cute that she tried to play at his game.

She set down the first rag and picked up another. All that was left was the blood around his mouth and on his chin. She dabbed at his chin first, slowly, giving herself time to think.

The air in the cell changed, filled with a new tension. This was her advantage, she knew. Whatever strange feelings he had for her, she had to use them. Not too fast, she told herself. It had to be gradual.

She adjusted her grip and moved the cloth to his lips, brushing over them gently. She still wouldn't look at him. Couldn't look at him. When she finished cleaning up the blood, she pretended to examine her work.

"That's better," she murmured, letting her thumb drag along his bottom lip as she released him. She collected the other rags and stood up.

"Aren't you going to ask me anything?" There was a rough edge to his voice, and his breath hitched ever so slightly at the end.

No weakness. No emotion. Don't get dragged down.

"I just came to clean you up," she said before turning away.

When the door was closed and he could no longer see or hear her, she let out a long, tremulous breath. Kohr stood silently at the control panel, watching her.

"Are you okay?" he finally asked.

She knew he was trying to be supportive and that his presence here was necessary, but she wished no one else could see her when she was in there. She took another deep breath and lifted her chin. "I can handle it."

He nodded, eyes not quite meeting hers. "I know."

She exhaled and looked up at Kohr, suddenly curious. "Were you friends with him? Before?"

He seemed surprised at her question. "We were friendly, I guess. Not really friends. We weren't in the same enclave for very long. Maybe a year?" He scratched the back of his head. "It was so long ago. I have a hard time seeing him as the same person."

"Because he's so different?"

"Not exactly." Kohr looked behind him at the cell door. "I mean, he is different, but sometimes when you're in there, I can see a little of who he used to be. It's warped, but it's there." He sighed and shook his head. "But I still can't think of him as anyone other than Darth Festus. Not after everything he's done."

She twisted the damp rags in her hands. "I remember he helped get my favorite toy back when his brother stole it." She didn't know why she was telling him that.

Kohr glanced down at the floor. "Sounds right. Ferrus always was kind of a bully. I was not sad to see him go when they got transferred." She sensed a small twinge of guilt as Kohr raised his eyebrows and shrugged. "Festus kept to himself mostly, but he would step in sometimes when his brother was being a jerk. And Ferrus didn't question him when he did. I always thought they were kind of strange."

Allana turned to stare at the cell door. "What part of him is real?" A heaviness in her chest as she realized how badly she wanted to know.

"The sarcasm, I guess," Kohr replied. "He was never mean about it, though. And he was usually too reserved for anyone to take notice of it anyway." He hesitated, then pressed on. "And the way he goes quiet and watches you, like he's really studying you."

She nodded and offered her friend a weak smile. "I'm sorry you have to be down here so much."

He shrugged. "It's all right. Renner will be down later to relieve me, and Elias should be back tonight, so we'll be able to shorten the shifts a little."

A spark of genuine happiness lit in her at the news. "Does that mean the boys will be back, too?"

"Should be."

Finally, something good amid all the recent darkness. She couldn't contain herself as she flung her arms around Kohr's middle.

"Whoa! Watch it—" He raised his arms in the air, and she realized she was still holding the dirty rags in one hand. She released her friend and smiled up at him sheepishly.

"Sorry, Kohr, it's just… that's the best news I've had in a while." She turned and jogged lightly down the corridor, waving over her shoulder as she went. "I'd better go; say hi to Dira for me!"

"They're not getting back until later tonight, Allana!"

"Okay!"

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.

Allana was waiting for the Daybreak when it landed. She knew it was a little ridiculous that she should be so excited to see a few teenage boys, but she didn't care. If they were even half as happy to see her as she was to see them, it would be worth it.

The ramp lowered, and she bounced up on the balls of her feet, wondering who would be the first off.

"I'm just saying, it doesn't actually count as a win if you don't follow the rules of engagement—"

"You callin' me a cheater, cuz?"

"No, of course not! I only meant—"

"Because I'll fly circles around you all day and into next week— oh, hey Allana!"

Her cousin Davin sauntered down the ramp, his bag slung over one shoulder. His brown eyes lit up as he saw her, and he jogged forward to scoop her into a hug. He lifted her like she was nothing, and she marveled inwardly – as she often did – at how fast the years had gone. It hadn't been that long since she'd been the one picking him up for hugs, had it?

"How was your trip?" she asked as Davin set her back down.

The cocky grin on his face was so reminiscent of Grandpa Han and Aunt Jaina. "Fantastic," Davin said. "Got to pilot a few of the new Incom fighters, and I was awesome."

"Don't you mean, it was awesome?" a third voice called out from the top of the ramp.

Davin turned back to the Daybreak. "No, Dolan, I mean I was awesome." He smirked at Allana. "Sore loser."

"But you did deviate from the rules set forth—"

Davin rounded on the shorter boy behind him and grabbed him by the shoulders, ruffling his dark blond hair. "Emperor's bones, cuz! Lighten up about the rules!"

Roan extricated himself from Davin's grip and scowled. Then his eyes landed on Allana. "Are you okay?" her little brother said quietly as he hugged her. Although he was shorter than the twins, he was still nearly a head taller than her.

"I'm fine," she said, knowing that he wouldn't believe her. Even though they hadn't found each other until Roan was six, the bond between them was strong. He always knew when something was bothering her. "I'd rather not talk about it right now."

"Okay…" He trailed off and looked over his shoulder as Dolan came down the ramp and joined them.

It amazed her how two people could stand in an almost identical fashion and yet come off so drastically different. Dolan had his bag slung over his shoulder just like his twin, but where Davin's body language was bold and uninhibited, Dolan's was deliberate and reserved. If there was one trait the Solo twins shared, however, it was their staggering confidence.

"Dav, if you spent half as much time practicing saber technique as you do running your mouth, you might have actually given me a run for my credits during our fight." Allana didn't miss the devious half-smirk on Dolan's face.

"Hey!" Davin pointed his finger in Dolan's face – another gesture that made him look just like her grandpa. "I'll knock you on your a—"

"Okay!" Allana interrupted. "Who's hungry? I know I am!"

Dolan looked back at the Daybreak. "Let me check if Master Cain needs us to finish unloading."

He turned to head up the ramp when Elias Cain appeared at the top.

"You boys go on, I can handle the rest. If you want to come by our place, Arden said she set out some food. Hey, Allana!" Elias waved at her, but she saw a flash of concern in his expression. So Ben had told him. Great.

She was distracted from that thought as Davin and Roan turned to leave the hangar, still arguing about the rules of engagement. Allana smiled and shook her head as she and Dolan fell into step behind them.

Dolan looped an arm around her shoulders and leaned down to give her a quick peck on the cheek. "You're being weird," he said matter-of-factly. Like Roan, he could usually tell when something was upsetting her; unlike Roan, he was difficult to brush off. When she didn't answer right away, he frowned and let go of her. "What happened?"

"I can't talk to you about it," she said quietly, not wanting the others to hear. "It's a sensitive matter. Knights and Masters only."

Dolan's green eyes were as intense as ever as he looked down at her. "We'll be Knights soon. You'll have to start trusting us to handle the harder things."

"I do trust you. But for now, you don't need to know." She was suddenly intensely afraid of what Dolan or Davin or even Roan would do if they had any inkling of who was being held prisoner down below or of what had gone on between him and Allana these last couple weeks. Oh Force, Roan. He might still remember Festus from his childhood with the Sith. She didn't want anything dredging up memories of those awful years.

"What are you two whisperin' about back there?" Davin looked over his shoulder and grinned.

Dolan composed his face quickly, all cool confidence. "Just telling Allana about how I beat you inside two minutes and took your lightsaber."

"What?"

"You did?" Allana couldn't help being impressed at that.

Dolan smirked. "Oh yeah. It was glorious."

.

.

The Cains' apartment was much larger than Allana's, but between Elias and Arden and their four kids, plus Ben and Roan and the twins, and herself, it felt even more cramped than her own quarters. Allana scooted past Jespin and Theora, who were deeply involved in a game of dejarik, and joined Ben and Roan by the table, where a late dinner had been laid out for the new arrivals.

"So you got to fly the new XR starfighter?" Ben was saying to Roan. "I hear they're pretty fast."

Before Roan could respond, Davin interjected from across the room: "Fast doesn't even come close to describing it. The XR-1s make those old T-65s look like Clone War relics."

"Hey now," Elias said, "show some respect. Those old T-65s saved your life more than a few times, if I'm not mistaken."

"Yes, Master Cain." Davin rolled his eyes and grinned as he took a bite out of a bilaberry flatcake.

Allana exchanged a smile with Roan, who mimicked Davin's assured posture and expression with impeccable precision before turning back to Ben. "They were pretty fast," he conceded with a wry look.

Ben reached out to briefly tousle her brother's hair. "I'll bet."

"You should have been there, Ben." Davin had finished his dessert and made his way back to the table for more. "Those fighters are something else."

"They sound like it," Ben said evenly. "Elias says you nearly broke the course record at Dubrillion."

Davin shrugged and popped another of the flatcakes in his mouth, smiling around it.

"Please don't encourage him," Dolan said from his place on the sofa. He'd been leaning over to watch the Cain siblings' dejarik game, but now he looked up at his twin, one eyebrow coolly arched. "He hasn't stopped talking about that course record since we left."

"Three tenths of a second!" Davin exclaimed, clapping a hand over his mouth to keep from spitting out crumbs. "All I needed was one more run!"

"That's what you said after the first six runs, Dav."

As Davin returned to the living room to continue the argument with his twin, Arden passed by him carrying a pitcher of muja juice. "I made this for the kids," she said as she set it down on the table. No sooner had she spoken when Asher and Rilla appeared on either side of her to claim a cup each for themselves. "Slow down, guys," Arden gently – and rather futilely, Allana thought – admonished the kids. Then she disappeared into the kitchen and returned a moment later with a tray of steaming mugs.

Ben leaned toward the tray. "Is that—?"

"Yes it is," Arden said. She handed one of the mugs to Ben. "And there's more in the kitchen if you want seconds."

Roan's eyes lit up. "You made hot chocolate?"

Arden scrunched her face up at that. "If by 'made' you mean I heated up some water and used a fancy instant mix, then yes, I made hot chocolate. There's also caf, if you'd prefer."

Roan gingerly lifted one of the mugs from the tray. "No, this is perfect."

"Yeah," Ben said, "you really should have led with this."

Allana was pretty sure she saw Arden stick her tongue out at him.

"Hey, Ben! Roan!" Once again, Davin's voice rose above the others. "Come here for a sec!"

Ben tipped his head and raised his mug toward Arden to excuse himself. Roan followed after him, and Allana picked up one of the remaining mugs from the tray and sipped it tentatively as she watched them go.

"Hey," Arden said quietly once Roan was out of earshot. She moved to stand next to Allana. "Ben told us about Argeneen. You doing okay with… with everything?"

"I'm fine." Allana glanced around the room, trying to satisfy herself that no one else was listening. "Really," she murmured. "I am."

Arden gave her a sympathetic smile, then her gaze shifted to where Ben was standing. "He's worried about you. That's why he… you know he just has a hard time…"

Allana looked over her shoulder at Ben, who was listening obligingly as Davin broke down every single one of the Incom XR-1 starfighter's capabilities. "I know," she said. "It's just… sometimes I think he forgets that I'm the same age he was when he was out there toppling empires."

"One empire," Arden corrected wryly. "And he didn't do that on his own, you know. Not by a long shot."

Allana returned her look with a faint smile. "I suppose not." She looked back again and briefly caught Ben's eye. Before he could say anything, little Rilla ran up to him and thrust a plush toy in front of his face, asking him if he liked the pretty bantha her daddy had given her. Ben smiled at the girl and told her it was the prettiest bantha he'd ever seen.

"She's getting so big," Allana said, turning to Arden. "They all are."

"Yeah, they're a handful all right." Arden sighed and leaned back against the edge of the table. "But I can't really complain. They're pretty awesome."

Allana saw Arden exchange a brief but knowing smile with Elias across the room, and she felt an inexplicably bitter pang in her chest.

She nursed her drink for a while longer, then helped Arden and Elias clean up the dishes, and when that was done, she turned to them both with a smile. "I think I'm going to turn in for the night. Thank you so much for the food; it was delicious."

"Anytime," Arden replied with a wave. She hoisted Rilla into her arms and gave her daughter a mock frown. "Speaking of turning in, it is way past your bedtime, little girl…"

Ben appeared at Allana's elbow as she opened the door. "I'll walk you back," he said. As he closed the door to the Cains' apartment behind him, he let out a long sigh.

"Tired?" she asked.

"Yeah, just a bit." They walked in silence for a while, but as they neared her quarters, Ben spoke up again. "You went without me this afternoon. Again."

She shrugged. "You were busy, and I said I would clean him up. I figured I should do it sooner rather than later." But she could see from his expression that her answer wasn't enough, so she stopped and waited for him to turn and face her. "I got him to respond, Ben. We need to take advantage of that."

"I suppose you think I should give him what he asked for?"

"Yes, I do." An image rose up in her mind, of Festus as he had appeared that first day, bound and bruised and bloodied, forced to kneel on the floor, and her breath caught. "Besides, it's… it's not right, leaving him like that. I don't think it's right."

Ben studied her impassively. "I'll consider it," he said. "I'm going to be busy most of the morning and afternoon tomorrow. I suppose it would be an exercise in futility to ask you to wait until I'm free before you see him again?"

Allana hesitated. "I— I think it's easier for me when you— when you're not there."

He nodded. "I see."

"Ben—"

"I get it, Allana. You don't have to explain." Please don't explain, she could almost hear the unspoken plea, and she felt her cheeks warm. She hadn't meant to hurt him. Why did she keep doing it?

"I'm sorry," she whispered. "I'm not—"

But he shook his head and cupped her face with one hand, and leaned forward to kiss the top of her head. "Good night."

As much as she wished that she could break through the awkward barrier that had been forming between them for far longer than she cared to admit, she knew that doing so now would only make things worse.

"Good night," she murmured as he walked away.

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When Allana entered the cell the next day, she found Festus seated on the narrow ledge, legs shackled to the floor and hands still bound behind him. The bruises on his face were less pronounced than they'd been before, and his unkempt bangs fell into his eyes as he watched her descend the short flight of stairs. She braced herself against that unnerving stare, once again summoning the poise that had been instilled in her from earliest memory.

"Better?" She nodded toward the ledge.

He shrugged, his expression neutral. "I've endured worse."

"I can imagine."

He narrowed his eyes at her. "Can you, Allana? Can you really imagine? I highly doubt it."

There was no small amount of scorn in his voice, and it struck harder than she would have expected. She fought to keep her composure. "I didn't mean to offend you."

He looked away. "It doesn't matter."

I'm used to pain, he'd told her in the cave, and even as her heart clenched at the memory and she realized once again how out of her depth she was here, she was also intensely and morbidly curious about what he meant by "worse".

He jerked his head back toward his shoulder, and she realized he was trying to get his hair out of his eyes. She remembered Roan doing the same thing all the time before he'd finally started cutting his hair shorter. She wasn't sure if she found it amusing or unsettling that Festus could remind her in any way of someone she loved.

She sat down next to him, curling one leg under her so she could face him directly, and said in her gentlest voice, "I think it does matter."

She reached out to sweep the hair from his eyes, her fingertips brushing across his forehead and along his scalp. He closed his eyes for just a moment, and she wondered how long it had been since someone touched him like this. Had they ever?

"Stop it," he growled.

She froze in place, her fingers still threaded through his hair, heart in her throat. What was she doing? She withdrew her hand, clutching it to her chest as she stared back at him.

"I know what you're trying to do," he said bitterly, eyes boring into hers. "I see right through your stupid act."

She jumped up and backed away from him, unable to say a word in response. Stars, this was all such a colossal mistake. He was never going to bend, not to her or anyone else. How could she have ever assumed she had enough influence over him to believe otherwise? She looked at him, at the glacial fury in his pale eyes, and she ran.

Kohr was waiting outside, and he breathed an audible sigh of relief as he shut the inner door. He looked like he was about to say something comforting to her when a faint thumping sound came from inside the cell.

Allana felt her insides twist. "What was that?"

Kohr tapped the vidscreen on the wall, bringing up an image of the cell interior. Allana's eyes went wide as she watched Festus repeatedly slam the back of his head against the wall.

"What is he doing?" Without thinking, she reached for the controls to the door, but Kohr caught her wrist.

"Wait," he whispered. "Look."

Quelling the panic that threatened to overtake her, Allana did as Kohr said. On the vidscreen, Festus slumped back and rested his head against the wall, shoulders sagging as he stared up at the ceiling.

"Do you think he's okay?" she asked, breathless.

Kohr stared at the image for a long, quiet moment. "I think he's angry with himself."

Her friend's words set off little alarm bells in her head, and suddenly she had an idea, and she was stunned by how quickly and clearly it had formed in her mind.

"I have to go," she said, voice shaking. She left Kohr there in the corridor without any other explanation, hurrying toward the turbolift.

She had to find Ben.

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.

"You thought of this yourself?"

Allana steeled herself against the look on Ben's face – a look that had only grown more skeptical as she explained her plan in full. "You sound surprised."

He tilted his head to one side and ran a hand over the back of his neck. "It's more underhanded than I would have expected…"

She looked away from him, trying to ignore the uneasy pang in her stomach. "You don't think we should do it?"

Out of the corner of one eye, she saw his hand fall to his side. "No, I think we should."

Allana nodded, still not meeting his eyes. "Right. So tomorrow one of the others can tell him I'm refusing to visit because of what happened, maybe Kohr could do it, or—"

"No." Ben held up a stopping hand. "No one talks to him. No one goes in at all. Let him wonder what's happening. We'll give it three days, and then I will talk to him. We'll go from there."

The uneasiness in her stomach seemed to climb into her chest. "Three days? What if he—?" What if he hurts himself again?

"Allana." Ben took a step toward her, his tone softening. "This could work, but not if you don't commit to it. He has to believe he's scared you away for good. He won't break otherwise."

She almost protested that she didn't want to break him, that she didn't want to break anyone – but that was a lie, wasn't it? The truth was that something horrible had clicked in her head the moment she saw Festus punishing himself in that cell, and she knew right then the power she had over him, power that she could use. That she didn't want that power was irrelevant; she could have dismissed this plan the moment she thought it up, could have let it remain a cold, slinking thing in the back of her head, but she didn't.

Maybe you should be on the Hapan throne after all.

"Hey." Ben took both her shoulders in his hands and waited for her to look up at him. "I know what you're thinking, and you need to stop doing that to yourself. You're not the bad guy here."

Allana worried her bottom lip. "That isn't how it feels."

He shook his head and lowered his face so it was level with hers. "You've already given him way more consideration than he deserves. If he hurts himself now, that's his choice."

"It still feels wrong," she said quietly. "Maybe we shouldn't—"

"We are. We're doing it. You need a break from him, and if I have to make that an order, I will." Ben's brow furrowed as he looked at her, searching. "Do I have to?"

"No," she murmured. "You're right." She sagged against him and closed her eyes as he wrapped his arms around her. "I hate feeling this way."

"I know." He took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "But you don't have to worry. I'll take care of it now."

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