A/N: I may or may not have mentioned recently that I'm going into mental hibernation. Basically, for several years, I was able to learn and remember information on a surface level but unable to actually process it. Ever since emerging from that state, my mind has continuously been in varying degrees of overdrive trying to process that backlog AND whatever I was currently learning. It took a long time. But at last, I've done it. My mind is ready to rest now. I don't need to constantly think about anything and everything anymore.

Writing, for me, is a way of thinking. It's a method for processing stuff. If I don't need to think and process so much, then my need to write is vastly reduced.

That's part of why this chapter is half the length of the chapters I've had until now. Another part is the fact that I've had a busy week. But I've had busy weeks before, including some that resulted in shorter chapters, and none of them went this short. Even pressed for time, I could summon the motivation to write at least a good 3000 words of something. But now, that pool of motivation is dwindling. I just don't want to write as much.

I keep my promises. I will not ever abandon a story of mine prematurely. But this new short chapter might turn out to be the first of a new trend of shorter chapters from here on out. I can't predict anything for sure, but I won't be surprised if it happens.

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Yahiko

When he decided to set out for a long walk with the plushies that morning, Yahiko could not have foreseen what would result.

Nothing seemed out of the ordinary. The dolls were much better behaved than Deidara had described, probably because they were more familiar with the town this time. They walked, not ran, and mostly all in the same direction. Yahiko had a fine time strolling with them. So fine, in fact, that he didn't bother to stop for food. He had a lunch consisting of liver, broccoli, and brownies, because that was what he had sealed into his cheek. He dared to hope that it would be a mild day.

He was wrong. Out of nowhere, a blast from his past stepped into the street in front of him. And she was terrifying.

"Hello! How are you?" she asked with a wave.

Yahiko tried not to faint. Oh my god, it's my old boss. What did I tell her when I quit? I can't remember exactly what I said, but I remember knowing it was way too much and too detailed and I shouldn't have said any of it. Oh god.

The dolls all looked up at her, curious. "Aw, what cuties," she said.

Should I apologize, or pretend it never happened? Aaaaggghh!

Yahiko's former boss frowned. She knew something was up.

Yahiko ended up choosing denial. "Yeah, they are. But it's been hard, learning to take care of them. With four of them and only one of me, I've really had my hands full lately. Not to mention other stuff. A lot's been going on. I took them out for a walk to get away from it all."

"I understand," she said with a nod. "Don't let me keep you." And she walked off as if everything was alright between them.

Yahiko continued to stand where he was. I remember now. I actually told her, out loud, that I didn't appreciate being cared about and I wanted to spend time with people who I could relax around. Why would I say that to someone who only wanted to help me? He went on to think of Nagato. Of Obito and Madara. Of all the ways that people could hurt each other without meaning to. I didn't need to say it to her face. I could have just said that I was quitting for personal reasons. I said it because… Because maybe I was resentful? Mad at her? That sounds crazy, but it's the only thing that makes sense.

He finally realized that Little One was poking him in the leg. The other dolls were staring up at him, too. "Sorry," he said. "That lady was someone I knew. I got lost in thought." He resumed the walk and tried to return to peaceful nonthinking.

For a while, it worked. The plushies continued to be cooperative and friendly. Passersby remarked on how cute they were. The exercise soothed his hurt feelings away. Yahiko looked forward to resting in the park.

But as it turned out, someone else had the same idea. They attempted to get off the bench and quietly slink away. The plushies noticed them and pulled Yahiko over. "No," Shikaku told them.

"Sorry, they don't know you and they're curious. They can probably tell you're not an NPC," Yahiko said while trying to keep a grip on their leashes. Warlic flailed his arms. The only plushie that didn't fight was Little One, and even he seemed much more interested in Shikaku than he had in Yahiko's old boss.

"I came here for a peaceful sitdown, not to get involved with living dolls." Shikaku sighed. "On a related note, I believe you."

"Sorry?"

"I was skeptical at first, but now I have no trouble believing that your group lives with a god of chaos in your basement. You people are too…" Instead of using a specific word, he waved his hand. "For anything else to explain it."

God of chaos? Is he saying we're disorderly and unorganized? And after Konan and Kakuzu tried their hardest to change that! "Too what?"

"Too taken over."

Yahiko blinked. "What?"

"You seem like nice people. I don't mind occasionally meeting some of you. But don't you see for yourself how being near that symbol is twisting you?" Shikaku shook his head. "It's dangerous. Be careful." He walked away.

Yahiko's first impulse was to disagree. No it's not! That's exactly what the vampires said, and we proved them wrong! But he sat down on a bench to take a break as he had planned, and he thought about Shikaku's words some more. He watched the plushies as they climbed onto the bench to sit beside him. They were orderly and lovable, not chaotic at all. Except for when they were, but that was true of any living being. Jashin sama's just a god of life, not a god of chaos. Life is chaotic. But what did he mean, "taken over"? After much peaceful sitting and a bit of thinking, Yahiko realized that Shikaku was technically right. He hadn't used to have such a chaotic life. Because he hadn't used to be fully alive. He'd hidden from himself, denied his own feelings, kept secrets, etc. His life had seemed orderly only because the disorderly parts were locked in the metaphorical basement. Yahiko looked down at the dolls and smiled at how happy they looked. Being locked in the basement wasn't good for anyone.

But isn't that exactly what we do to Jashin sama?

It never would have occurred to him to think of a god that way, and sure enough, he soon got confused about his own thought. Why did I even think that? It's a god. It's technically everywhere, and can't be hurt, and we have Hidan. Yet, the fact that the symbol was technically locked in the basement continued to poke at him. Maybe I'm being too empathic for my own good. He decided to act on his idea anyway. What harm could come from indulging an overactive sense of empathy?

That being said, he had no idea how to act on his idea. Do I really want to go all the way back home just to talk to Hidan? I'm having such a good day out here. Is there anything else I can do? The plushies got down from the bench, ready to resume their walk. As Yahiko left the park with them, he realized there was somewhere else he could go.

Solis needed a bit of encouragement to continue. "It'll be alright," Yahiko told him. "We're not going very far in. We're just going to go the stingray pool, which is nice and peaceful. Nobody will be mean to you there." Solis agreed to go, but only if he was carried.

There were three teenagers at the pool when he arrived, watching the stingrays and talking to each other about school and laughing. They fell silent as soon as they saw the dolls. One of them tried to laugh derisively. Another of them tried to smile and say something complimentary. They both failed. They did not know how to react to a man walking in with four toddler-sized dolls on leashes.

Tammy stepped in. "I can tie their leashes to that pole for you," she said. Yahiko nodded and handed her the leashes for the three other dolls. He wasn't sure what to do with Solis. "Kisame wrapped the leash around his wrist while that one sat on his shoulders," Tammy said while tying the leashes to the pole. Solis wiggled as soon as she said that. He climbed onto Yahiko's shoulders while Yahiko tied the leash around his wrist.

"Thanks," Yahiko told her. He waved at the teenagers. "Hey."

"Hey," one of them muttered back.

"Nice dolls," joked the boy who'd tried to laugh earlier.

"Yeah, they are," Yahiko replied. Secretly he was starting to sweat. Memories of teasing comments from his school days filled his head. Teenagers excelled at accidental cruelty.

But he swallowed his fear and faced these kids directly, reminding himself that they were not the people he remembered. And he noticed something that he wouldn't usually have noticed. One of them, a boy in the middle, was looking rather shy. He had yet to say anything beyond "Hey." Something about his body language reminded Yahiko of himself. That's right. I'm not special. I'm not exceptional. There are other people like me in the world. Wow! I remembered that all by myself, without a reminder.

He didn't have the slightest clue how to reach out to someone else who might be like him, so he let his instincts take over. "I was just taking them out for a day in town. I wanted to relax for my own reasons, and they gave me a good excuse." He laughed as Solis pulled his hair. "I shouldn't need an excuse to take care of myself, but I do sometimes. Maybe that's why people find parenting so fulfilling - it gives them an excuse to remember that it's okay to relax and have fun. You guys don't seem to need that. I'm glad." He flashed them a smile. "Keep remembering to have fun!"

The one who kept trying to be derisive looked at Yahiko with fresh eyes. "I'm not gonna grow up to be someone boring who reads the newspaper every day. I'm gonna be a professional surfer." He challenged anyone to say otherwise.

Yahiko winced. "I haven't showed them how to play sports yet. Please don't talk about it around them." The dolls looked up curiously. "I really should, though. Now that you mention it, they would love that. Hey… Do you know anyplace to do skateboarding around here?"

Before he knew it, he and the teens were engaged in a detailed discussion of skateboarding. He described the indestructible skateboard to them and how the dolls preferred to ride it two or three at a time. The athletic teen gave him tips and advice, which Yahiko pulled out his phone to record in an email to himself. The teen who had tried to compliment the dolls got involved, adding advice on skateboard safety and how to get the most fun out of it. And Yahiko's instincts turned out be geniuses, because their method worked: the shy teen was able to blossom. He didn't do very much in the conversation; he only asked a couple of questions about whether dolls would be allowed to use the skateboard ramps. But Yahiko knew from his own experience what to look for, so he was able to spot the subtle clues that indicated blossoming. The boy looked more relaxed, less likely to lock parts of himself in a metaphorical basement. The discussion lasted around ten minutes. As they waved to him and the dolls and walked away, Yahiko saw that he was wrong. They all had blossomed, including the formerly derisive one.

"Looks like they want to go," Tammy said, pointing to the plushies straining against their leashes in the direction of the door. Solis drummed his plushy hands on the top of Yahiko's head.

"In just a moment," Yahiko replied. "I came here to ask someone something." He put his free hand in the stingray pool and channeled a bit of chakra into the water. By concentrating very hard, he was able to sense it when the room's overall atmosphere grew receptive. It's listening. He took a deep breath, nervous about talking to a god for the first time. "The way we keep the symbol of Jashin in the basement… Is that alright? I - I mean, uh, not right. Helpful? Would - would doing something else be better for us? No, not better, I'm sorry. I just mean… Is that the right direction to go in?" He wanted to facepalm. After all my practice, I still can't stop using words like "good," "bad" and "right"! What did Sasori tell me about moral judgments?

Despite the imperfection of his words, his meaning was understood. The water in the pool splashed softly. He suddenly became hyperaware of the atmosphere all around him. The peaceful atmosphere, the resident deity, had formerly maintained a polite distance. Now it seemed to press in. Yahiko's spine tingled. From all directions, he felt it. All directions. What does it mean? Does it mean we're good the way we are, or exactly the opposite? He could hear that something was being said, but he couldn't make out the message.

Several minutes later, as he left the building to go the skateboard park, a new idea occurred to him. We don't just keep it in the basement physically. We also keep it there through our behavior. We should talk about it more openly. Like the first thought, he didn't know where it came from and was confused by it. Could these random thoughts be the messages he was looking for? If so, why had the first one sent him to the aquarium just in time to learn about skateboarding?

He hadn't left the aquarium's front lot yet, so he sent a quick mental message to whatever had taken up residence around the stingray pool. Hey, what should I do about my boss? He waited for a random thought to tell him the answer.

He didn't get one. He got a random feeling instead. While texting Konan to ask her to bring him the skateboard, he realized he felt no guilt about asking for this. No guilt, no shame, no fear. Forgive yourself. He smiled and whispered, "Thank you."

.

A/N: Don't get me wrong, the note I ended last chapter on still exists. I am more connected to my inner child now, and my inner child is a seething ball of rage. But this, too, is also a part of me. And there shall be no guilt nor shame about that. I know where next chapter will start.

Until then!