Chapter 1

I've known Brittany since last year, when high school started. We became friends during the first week when we met in the Cheerios. Became best friends since this summer. She's always been a strange one if it comes to first impressions, but her bubbly character and endless optimism, … just the way she thinks in general, has always intrigued me.

I do admit, she has some strange statements, especially if it's about her cat Lord Tubbington. It took me three days to ask who in lord's name (pun non intended) Lord Tubbington is. And I must admit, if you listen to her, it does make sense at some point. Now I know (and understand) she uses him for expressing things she's lived or experienced, or thought about, or whatever.

For example when she told the class he joined a cult, it was because they had some of those crazy people at the door who bring a child with them to make you feel sorry and join it. She felt so bad about that child that a part of her wished she could join the cult to help him. Instead of that, she just says Lord Tubbington joined the cult. I guess it's a better coping mechanism then just feeling guilty and bad about it and just never expressing your worry about it.

Anyway, now we're at the beginning of our junior year, and Quinn wants to join glee club. I couldn't care less about that, but Britt Britt does. She's always had this innocent view of the world and doesn't get that it could destroy our reputation we've created by joining the Cheerios. She's too optimistic about this. I try to convince her of that, but it isn't working, and Quinn doesn't have my freaking back on this. All because she's feeling insecure about her stupid boyfriend Finn the giant.

Have I talked about the Cheerios? It's the cheerleading team from our high school, known for Sue Sylvester, who brings the team to the top regardless of who falls behind. But it gives you a great reputation in school and it's a good thing to put on your resume for later. I'm co-captain of the team with Quinn, since this year. Brittany is the choreographer. I don't want to sound like a creep, but Brittany has an amazing body and some serious dance skills. So putting those two things together in cheerleading… let's just say it's a miracle I've been made co-captain, because I can't really concentrate for half a minute if she's moving like that. But I have to. I need to build a strong character, and if I have to be a bitch to accomplish that, so be it. Because I would move the earth for her.

You see, I've always seen Brittany as a genius. A beautiful, piercing blue eyed human being genius. But the combination of having no verbal filter and sometimes taking things too literal can make her seem like 'a ditsy dumb blonde', or like coach Sue would say: tweetledumb. And I hate it. I know she has it from some movie, 'tweetledee and tweetledumb'. I recently saw that one, and was surprised it isn't an original Sue Sylvester line. I would tell you the title from the film, if I wasn't so forgetful about it, damn it. If you know, feel free to tell me. But Britt, she has so much potential, so I don't get why all of … 'school' doesn't understand her.

I mean she could put some more effort in her classes. For some reason she doesn't have the motivation for that. And since for some reason everybody knows eachothers results, well … it isn't doing her any favors. It so strange she's failing so many classes, she has the potential. I started to help her last year in Spanish class, and I swear she's ten times smarter then she looks like for an outsider. She even learned Spanish this summer vacation on a really advanced level. Now we can have full on conversations in Spanish. You know how difficult it is to learn a language in two months?

I don't really understand why she makes it seem like she isn't good in school at all. Her oneliners in the hallways are another story. I love people who don't filter every little thing they say, it makes her that much more authentic. And thinking things literal doesn't make you less intelligent right? It's not because human kind invented language to communicate with eachother, that it makes you smart if you can communicate fluently in it. There are more things in life then things that were invented by the homo sapiens.

I mean, can you blame me? Human kind didn't do that much good on this planet hasn't it? How long did dinosaurs walk around on this planet? Millions of years or whatever, I don't know, I don't really like history. But my point is, our evolution is so young, just only 2000 years and we succeeded in destroying the entire planet. So who was brighter, humans or dinosaurs? I say dinosaurs. Others would say it's not an easy question to answer. The rest would stupidly answer 'humans'. It's all about perspective. And that is what I mean. People are so lost in their own perspectives, it's unbelievable.

Where was I? ... Brittany. Oh Brittany, the greatest human being on this planet. If you don't agree with me on this, then I won't hesitate to use physical violence. I am from Lima Heights, don't let my small demeanour fool you!

Brittany and I are best friends and promised eachother a life time together, dedicated to eachother (her words by the way, I have some issues with putting my emotions on the line, deal with it. But let's say if I am ever in a life or death situation and they would ask me who you would like to spend your life with, I maybe would say Brittany… Okay I'd say it without a doubt).

Nevertheless, that's how I know she likes me too (or at least in a platonic kind of way). She tells me all the time how much she likes me, and I love and hate it at the same time, because I just know she doesn't mean it in an 'I am hopelessly in love with you' kind of way.

Even though I like her and she likes me, and we're best friends, I feel like she still has such a huge wall before her, and I don't know how to get past that wall. I get that people wear masks and put on a tough exterior to others, but even when you're best friends? Then it's not necessary right? It's frustrating as hell. I've been her best friends since forever (allright, a small year, don't interrupt me!) and there is something wrong. It's making me so insecure that she doesn't let me in (Yes, me Santana Lopez can feel insecure, but let nobody on this freaking stinking world now that).Why doesn't she let me in? She must feel the connection we have with eachother right?

"Santana?" Ow shoot, I haven't been listening and she asked me something. Keep your head in the game Lopez!

"Yeah, what is it Britt?" She looks at me cryptically, like she just figured out every thought I've had in the last five minutes.

"Nothing much, I just saw you were dozing off again in your own mind." I just shrug my shoulders and am looking for a way to defend myself. But before I can, she starts to grin and gets a mischievous look in her ocean blue eyes. "So, I think I have found a way to convince you to join the glee club with me and Q."

I cross my arms against my chest and raise my eyebrows: "Yeah, and how you'd figured that I would be convinced with whatever you decide to say?". She smiles mischievous "If you decide to join the glee club …" As she's saying that, she's starting to get of her chair that's standing in a corner of my black-painted room and walks over to me.

I'm sitting on my bed, trying to arrange my lesson books for the new school year that's already two weeks in. Trust me, if you don't do that at the beginning of the year, you'll never get it done, and you'll be like that stupid boy Jacob Ben Israel, who's school books are scattered all over the school. It just makes it too easy to throw them farther away from him, and just some papers from one lesson mixing with another one. I doubt he even realises that his maps are mixed with different classes. It takes some organizing, because I need to find a way that I'm not going to be seen as the giant nerd I secretly am. Only with Britt though. Besides Britt, nobody knows that, and I'd like to keep it that way. Focus Santana, Brittany is still trying to make conversation with you.

My blue-eyed goddess is still walking towards me in the most elegant slow motion I've ever seen, but she hasn't finished her sentence. It looks like she's having second thought about it. I decide to give a little push in the right direction. "Yes Britt, what is it?" I ask that with a little impatience in my tone, don't judge, my bitchiness does come from somewhere. But there's also a sense of curiosity in my tone, because she's looking super intense to me at this moment, and I don't know what to do with that.

She shakes her head likes she's trying to get a bad thought away. It looks like she's having a huge internal battle in her mind this moment. But then she blurts out: "I'll kiss you".

She looks surprised, like she doesn't believe she just said that. "I mean, if you join glee club, I'll give you the honour of being my first kiss."

… I think I died that very moment.

My heart stops beating for what feels like hours to me. "Yyou're kidding right, like when I told you I'd kiss you if you stayed in the Cheerios?"

Yeah that's right, she wanted to quit the Cheerios after two months. She said she hated the way our coach deals with us, hated the short costumes and intense workout. Which I call bullshit. Most of the times, she isn't shy of her body. Although sometimes she randomly wears a scarf for a week or puts a large amount of make-up on. And okay yeah, she often wears leg warmers on her arms, but I don't blame her, you should try it out, it really do helps against being cold. But she isn't afraid to show some legs. And have you seen her abs? I have, and let's just say, you could break a cement wall with those.

Anyhow ..., I'm starting to lose focus again. Where was I, ah yes, I did convince her to stay with the Cheerios by saying I'd kiss her. But I chickened out and ended up kissing her on the cheek. So yeah... that was my first and last attempt to show her how I feel. Because even though we've only known eachother for a rough two months at that moment, I fell for her the first time I ever saw her face.

But now she's freaking talking about her first kiss, so that means on the lips right? What is she trying to say here? I turn my body to her, she has my full attention now. I frown my eyebrows and look at her with a puzzled look. "What do you mean, you give me the honour of your first kiss? You mean like a kiss on the lips?"

"Yes of course I mean on the lips silly." She hits my shoulder gently and starts laughing. "Bbut that's just strange, we're best friends Britt, why would we do that?"

I mean, I wouldn't mind. After she's not answering, I try again and ask curiously : "Why?" there's a small hint of hopefulness in my voice, and I hate it. I feel way too vulnerable this moment.

She's looking at me likes she's analysing every piece of my face expressions. "I just don't want to lose my first kiss to some stupid boy San, and I know you're a great kisser, if the rumours in our school are correct."

A muscle twitched in my jaw at that comment. "those are just rumours Britt, don't believe everything they say. You're already called a slut a hundred of times, and I know you haven't touched anybody ever."

She chewed on her bottom lip for a second. "So, let me be the judge then of how great of a kisser you are." She's starting to climb up the bed and lays next to me. She looks at me questionably.

I don't give that much reaction. She bites her lip and asks again: "So, will you do it? Join glee club I mean. I know you'll like it, although you'll never admit it, not even to me in the beginning. But a bit of persuasion from your best friend may help with that?" She's leaning on one elbow when she's telling me that. I mirror her movement and look in her eyes.

I'm pulling my walls down once again. "Okay, I'll think about joining glee club, but don't think for one second I'll enjoy that stupid club with a bunch of losers in it." It's ridiculous with only one sentence and look she can convince me of putting our reputation in danger, let alone joining that stupid club that's full of losers anyway.

I take a deep breath in and look deeply in her eyes: "Do you mean it, you want me to be your first kiss?" Brittany's looking at me for a full minute with a glint of hope in her eyes, but then her eyes darken, and not in the sexy and happy kind of way. More in a sombre and depressing kind of way.

After five seconds she bursts out laughing. "Wow San, I was kidding, I didn't mean that. But we really should join glee club, even if it's just to help Quinn, we would do the same for each other right? And you know how much I love dancing."

I feel very mad inside right now. Why did I let a bit of my guard down? Of course she doesn't want to kiss me, I'm like 99% sure she's not even gay. But then a thought comes to mind. "So why didn't you quit Cheerios then? I know you hated the idea?" She looks taken aback by that statement and she doesn't know what to say for a second. Only for a second though, it seems like she expected me to ask that question someday.

"Because I know how much you wanted too, or at least wanted to build a reputation. I still don't really know why you do it, I've told you a thousand times I don't care what other people say about me. And I don't like it when you're being mean to people. And a kiss is just a kiss, it's not like I decided to stay a cheerio because you suggested that kiss. On the cheek by the way, which you forgot to mention beforehand." She's looking sort of mad at me, which is strange, because wasn't I the one who's mad at her?

I try to touch her arm, but she's jumped off the bed in like a second. "What are you doing?" Brittany asked me. I look at her questionably. "Nothing, I just don't want to fight and I wanted to comfort you."

"Well don't", she snaps. What the hell, she never snaps at me. What in the world kind of conversation am I having right now. First she's sort of flirting with me, and now she's really pissed off at me?

"What is your problem Britt? I don't get it." She sighs; "nothing San, I'm sorry. I'm just having a rough day."

On that moment her phone vibrates and she quickly picks her phone to watch the message. She looks disturbed. "Is it your dad again?" I ask, because I know her dad can sometimes get mad at her for not being home on time, and then she can't come to my house for some time. "Yeah it is. Look I need to go, but will you please consider joining Glee club? I promise it's not going to destroy your reputation. And even if it does, what more do we need then each other? Together we'll survive high school no matter what." Her phone is buzzing a second time. She's starting to walk to my door. "But anyway, see you tomorrow at school Santana."

Aaand she's gone. I've never been more confused in my life this second. I know she can get pretty sensitive if it comes to touching her, but that kissing thing. She was telling me so much with her eyes, but I don't know what. I thought I saw a desire towards me... that can't be it right? And then telling me she's kidding, like it's the last thing she thinks about when she thinks about me, that's just hurting me. Like a lot. She's the most honest person in my life, she tells me everything and vice versa…

Except the fact that I might be gay and in love with my best friend. But other than that, everything. So what in the world did she want to say with that conversation? She always has a meaning to what she's saying, she's a thinker. I know she almost says everything with a reason. But what was the reason this time? Do I mean more to her then just a friend too? You don't just offer your first kiss to some rando around the corner right? She wouldn't joke about such a thing right? Or would she?