Title: Make Love, Not War
Summary: While in the midst of the Vietnam War, another rift had formed on the home front between a dove and a hawk. Will they be able to mend their love before he's sent overseas?
Disclaimer: The author does not own any publicly recognizable characters herein. No copyright infringement is intended.
Make Love, Not War
1967
"What do you mean you don't think you can, Tanya?" I demanded, getting hacked off.
"Well, it's a very bogart thing to ask of me. I want to get married and start a family. And you're going away for a year or more, expecting me to wait for you." She folded her hands on her lap, refusing to look at me. Her blonde hair shone from the light emitting from her parents' living room window. We have been going steady for almost a year now. I didn't expect to get shot down when I asked her to write to me.
"I'm going to Nam, it isn't a trip for pleasure," I snapped, hitting the chain of the porch swing with my hand.
"Edward, I think it's time to call it a night." Mr. Jones spoke through the screen door.
I huffed and got up from the swing and went down the steps. I paused and turned around. "My bus leaves at noon tomorrow, will you see me off?"
Tanya shrugged her shoulders and pulled her sweater tighter. "I haven't decided yet."
I scowled and beat feet down the sidewalk. It was too nice of a night to go home yet. I wandered my way to the city square. A group of hippies were sitting on the gazebo steps jamming together with an upbeat song.
If you believe in magic, come along with me
We'll dance until morning 'til there's just you and me…
One of the dancers caught my eye, her long brown hair flung out as she spun on her bare feet. She was looking far out and was possibly blitzed. I leaned against a tree and continued to watch.
Bella Swan.
I never expected her to be a flower child. What would her brother think if he saw her now? I was surprised her parents didn't put a stop to it.
"Hawk alert," one of the guys stated after the song ended.
I was only aware of Bella looking over at me. She gave me a passive smile before turning back to her group, saying something too softly for me to hear. She picked up a guitar and took a seat on the steps with others gathered around. She strummed the guitar and started to sing.
Hello darkness, my old friend
I've come to talk with you again…
Her melodic voice was beautiful and haunting at the same time. I closed my eyes as I listened to her. I thought of our childhood summer days, where I often played until well after dark with Emmett and Bella Swan —seemed like ages ago. Not too long ago Bella and I had been sweethearts. Emmett had been older and was one of the first drafted from our town. Two months after he went away, men in uniform arrived at the Swan's doorstep with devastating news that changed all our worlds.
The song ended and the hippies started to depart. The same guy from earlier called out to Bella that he'd give her a ride home in his van, but she declined.
"Did you fall asleep standing up?" Bella's amused voice asked, sounding close.
I opened my eyes to see her standing before me. She was even more beautiful up close and all grown up. She had curves, complete with big bazookas that filled out the low cropped neckline of her dress. Her brown eyes looked dazed and red rimmed, confirming she was blitzed.
I shook my head. "I'm enjoying the night and the music. I had forgotten that you could sing."
"It's been a long time." The cheeriness of her voice dropped.
"Bella…I'm sorry…" I was at a loss for words. I should have been there for her when Emmett was killed.
"I'm sorry too," she whispered. "A little birdie told me you'll be leaving soon."
"Tomorrow." I nodded.
Her eyes widened. "So soon. I'm surprised you're not with Tanya tonight."
"I was, but Tanya told me she didn't think she wanted to wait for me," I said bitterly.
"Bummer. That mirror warmer has always been all show and no go." Bella's nose wrinkled in distaste.
"Don't call her that," I argued. I was still holding out hope that Tanya would be there tomorrow.
Bella rolled her eyes. "Don't get hacked off with me. If she truly loved you, there would be no question of her waiting. Rosalie was going to wait for Emmett."
"Rosalie is also dust in the wind," I stated.
Bella looked away from me for a moment. "We all handled his death differently." I had the feeling her words were directed at me. When she turned back, she gave me a sad smile. "Well, this certainly killed my mellow. Come on."
Bella continued walking through the lawn toward our neighborhood. Curious about what she was up to I started to follow her. I glanced at her still bare feet.
"Bella, you're forgetting something," I called out.
She touched her guitar, hanging off her back, then gave me a confused look. I smirked and pointed down at her feet. She wiggled her toes in the grass then glanced toward the road in the opposite direction.
"My flip flops are in Jake's van. I'll have to get them tomorrow." She shrugged.
"You can't walk the streets with nothing on your feet. Hop on." I bent my knees and pointed to my back.
Bella hesitated before giving me a large smile. She jumped on my back so enthusiastically that I stumbled forward. She giggled as I adjusted to her weight. Which was hard to do because she was trying to get down.
"Stop squirming," I told her.
"If I'm too heavy, I can walk," she insisted.
"You're not, besides I need to get used to carrying extra weight." I thought of the rucksack I'll have to carry for possibly long distances.
"Did you just call me fat?" Bella flicked my ear with her finger.
"Ow. No, and if you do it again, I'm going to throw you in the fountain," I warned her.
"Oh…that sounds like a blast." Bella caught me off guard by jumping off my back.
She ran over to the fountain and placed her guitar on a bench before climbing into the water. She danced around with her arms out, getting soaked in the spray. Her clothes started to stick to her body, and I averted my gaze.
"Edward, stop being a drag and join me," she beckoned.
"The last thing I need is to be arrested tonight before I leave tomorrow," I told her.
Bella huffed. "The pigs are such downers. You deserved to have one last night of fun."
"Bella, your father is a pi…cop." I tried not to laugh.
Bella scowled. "Don't remind me." She huffed and climbed out.
I turned and bent so she could climb on. I grabbed her guitar, which she took from me and slung over her shoulder, before we started walking for home. Bella hummed The Beatles' new song All You Need Is Love. I became hyper aware of her body clinging to me. Her nipples were pert and pressed against my back. Her legs were hitched over my hips, and I braced them with my hands. Her skin felt warm, soft, and wet. I was glad she was behind me so she couldn't see my growing problem that would be difficult to hide.
"You've gotten awfully quiet. I hope you're not thinking about—"
"I'm not," I interrupted her.
"Good. You deserve your last night of freedom to hang loose and not be sad," she whispered in my ear, which didn't help my situation at all.
Bella started singing the song loudly as we walked down the street. A few neighbors waved from their porch and others just stared. Maybe I should've felt embarrassed by all the attention, but I didn't. Bella had so far succeeded in putting me in a better mood.
I came to a brief halt when we reached the gate to her parents' house. We could hear her parents yelling from the sidewalk, and although I couldn't make out the words, it sounded bad. Bella sighed and slid off me. She pushed open the gate, and after giving the house a brief look, she headed toward the backyard. She headed straight for the old tree house that hung over both our yards.
"Bella, I don't think it's safe up there anymore." I glanced up and immediately saw up the skirt of her dress. Fuck. She wasn't wearing any underwear, and I could make out the dark curls of hair.
"It's plenty safe. I come up here all the time to escape that noise," Bella answered me.
By the time I joined her, Bella was in the corner lighting up an old camping lantern then a doobie. She took a long drag and held it out. When I hesitated, she crawled over to me and brought it closer to my lips.
"It's not like you haven't done it before and isn't like they're going to send you home if they find out." Bella wiggled it between her fingers. "Even though I wish they would," she muttered under her breath.
I chose not to respond to her last comment and took the doobie and took a long drag. I tilted my head back and blew out the smoke slowly. I took a second hit and repeated the process. I already felt a small buzz.
"Holy Smokes. Where did you get this?" I asked, passing it.
"Jake," she answered.
I frowned to hear his name again. "Is he your old man?"
Bella snorted and shook her head. "He's a cool cat, but it's not like that."
I heard around that hippies were often free with their love. But it made me uneasy to think of Bella that way with anyone or even multiple people. I watched her as she inhaled then smirked as she straddled my lap. With a mischievous look in her eyes, she pressed her mouth to mine and transferred the smoke. She pulled back and I turned my head to the side and blew out.
She slid off my lap and she reached for my pants, undoing them, and slid her hand inside. As her fingers wrapped around my cock, I took another hit. I closed my eyes as she stroked me up and down. Her thumb rubbed the tip and I moaned. My eyes popped open when her tongue brushed my length.
"What are you up to, Dove?" I asked softly.
Bella looked up with hooded eyes and bit her lower lip. "The fun I promised. Unless you don't want me to."
"I shouldn't want you to, but I'd be lying," I confessed.
She smiled and tilted her head up to me, glancing at the doobie. I held it out and she took a hit before lowering her head between my legs, taking me in her mouth again. I fisted a lock of her hair around my free hand and let my fingers get tangled in her waves. I took one last hit before placing the doobie in an ashtray, concerned I might burn her if I lost focus.
Before I got my release, I gently lifted her away from me. She gave me an adorable, dazed expression. I leaned forward and kissed her. She responded enthusiastically, and our tongues tangled together. I tugged at her dress, and she helped by wiggling out of it. Giggling, she backed away from me and laid down on a pile of blankets and pillows then beckoned me with one finger, looking like a sexy pinup.
I pulled off my pants and shirt and tossed them to the side. I crawled over to her, kissing my way up her torso to her neck and then her mouth. She grabbed onto my shoulders as I settled between her legs. I slid into her—she was tight around my cock. Bella wiggled as she got adjusted, then hitched her legs over my hips. Our bodies moved together at a frantic pace as both of us were desperate for a release. My own world exploded after she convulsed around my cock; I rolled to the side and pulled her to my chest before covering us both with a blanket.
I awoke hours later to find Bella no longer curled into me. I sat up and spotted her sitting next to the window, staring out, singing barely above a whisper.
How many times must a man look up
Before he can see the sky?
How many ears must one man have
Before he can hear people cry?
How many deaths will it take till he knows
That too many people have died?
The answer, my friend, is blowing in the wind
The answer is blowing in the wind.
When she ended, she kept looking out the window blankly.
I shifted closer and wrapped my arms around her.
"You've become a songbird, Dove," I told her.
"Singing has helped me get through each day," she said.
I frowned. "Do they argue a lot? I don't remember them being that bad."
"Only since Emmett died. My mother blames my father and The Man. It was The Man's fault if you ask me. Emmett didn't want to go; he wanted to stay and start a family with Rosalie. But he was drafted and had no choice. And now The Man is taking you too."
"I wasn't drafted. I signed up," I confessed to her.
Bella's eyes widened and even in the moonlight I could see her pale. "You…"
She shook head at me and looked at me in disgust before pulling away and grabbing her dress and yanking it on. She headed for the trap door.
"Bella," I called after her, grabbing my clothes.
"Kiss off, Edward!" she yelled before disappearing.
"Don't tell me to kiss off. Two seconds ago, you were all supportive and now you have some beef. I want to know why?" I demanded, following her.
"There's a big difference in being sent to this stupid war and choosing to go. You're choosing to kill other boys the same as you. It's barbaric." She headed for her house.
"And what are we supposed to do? Fight them with love and flowers?" I said sarcastically.
Bella whirled around on me. "What's wrong with talking things out? This isn't even our fight—we should never have gotten involved. If the war was so important then The Man himself should pick up a gun and fight on the front line, rather than force boys to do it for him."
Before I could respond, she beat feet, again. I hurried after and quickly closed the gap between us and grabbed her hand.
"You know for someone who says to talk things out. You're not playing by that rule," I accused her.
Bella froze in her spot but kept her back to me.
"I don't want to lose you too. I already lost one person that I love." She burst into tears.
I tried to pull her into my arms, but she resisted. "Bella, I still—"
"Don't say you love me. We both know it isn't true since earlier tonight you were with Tanya," she said.
"Then what was with tonight?" I demanded.
She shrugged with tears streaked on her cheeks. "It was the sendoff you deserved. The one that still might have been mine to give if…" She choked up.
"You pushed me away when Emmett died," I reminded her, swallowing my own lump.
"You let me. You didn't even try to hold on to me. I was in pain, scared, and lost. I'm still lost. I needed you, and I feel as if I lost both of you that day." She started to sob.
This time she didn't resist as I tugged her into my arms. Her tears soaked through my shirt, but I didn't care. I stroked her hair tenderly. "I'm sorry. I should've tried harder, instead of feeling like you didn't want me anymore. I lost my own best friend and didn't think past my own feelings. I should've realized you were hurting more than me."
"Don't go. Please, don't go." Her voice trembled.
"Bella—"
"Please. Run away with me," she begged, sensing my rejection.
"I can't," I told her.
She turned away from me then rushed to the trellis and climbed up it to her bedroom window. I chased after, but only made it just after her window shut. I sighed and balanced myself on the small ledge.
"Dove…Bella, let me in." After a moment of silence, I continued. "I don't know if you can hear me, but I'm sorry. I would stay if I could, but there's part of me that has to do this. Even if it makes you hate me. I know you don't think it's our fight, but I disagree. I think if a man is able then he should fight for those weaker than him. That's what I strongly believe I am doing. And maybe a part of it is to avenge those who have died like Emmett. I do agree with you that someone shouldn't be forced into it against their will. But I hope you understand my reasons and will forgive me one day. My bus leaves about noon tomorrow. I hope you say good-bye to me, even though I may not deserve it."
The next morning was sunny which contrasted with my mood. I had a headache and felt like the crud on the bottom of my shoes. My mother fretted around me, making sure I had a large breakfast, and my father talked cheerfully to me about how proud he was of me. He had taken the morning off to see me go. The phone rang and my mother answered it.
"Edward, it's for you." She held out the phone. "I don't like girls that call boys, it isn't proper."
I took it from her and stepped around the corner into the hallway. Thankfully, we had a long cord, so I could be out of hearing range of my parents. However, it wasn't who I hoped it was on the other line.
"Hello?"
"Hey, it's me," Tanya said.
"What do you want?" I was instantly bummed.
"Well, that was rude. I was calling to tell you that I won't be seeing you off," she said.
"You already told me that last night. I didn't expect anything else, because if you cared for me, it wouldn't have been a question of you being there. I hope you have a good life, Tanya, don't wait around for me." I ended the call before she could respond.
"Is everything okay?" my mom asked, concerned.
"Everything is groovy. Thank you for breakfast." I kissed her cheek.
"I hope they feed you well enough." She sniffled, hugging me for the hundredth time that morning.
"I'm sure they will, Esme," my father reassured her.
A few hours later, I was standing with them at the bus stop. We had arrived early to make sure I didn't miss the bus. My mother fretting over me only grew worse.
"Do you have enough socks…underwear?" she asked, while trying to open my bag.
"Esme, dear, you already checked twice back at the house." My father chuckled then clasped me on the shoulder. "I'm proud of you, son. You've become a good man, much better than lazy good for nothing hippies over there."
"Thanks, Dad." I smiled.
My eyes drifted over to the group that sat on the lawn protesting through song. I was disappointed to see that Bella wasn't with them. Then movement caught my eyes off to the side. Bella was leaning against a tree, watching me while playing with her hands. When I caught her eyes, she flashed me the peace sign.
"I'll be right back," I told my parents and went to Bella.
"Dove, you came," I said when I reached her. Her eyes still looked red rimmed, but I could tell this time it was because she had been crying.
"I did hear you last night. I could never hate you, Edward. I may hate that you're going, but I understand why," she said softly. "Will you do something for me?"
"I can't run away with you. As much as a part of me wants to make you happy and never make you cry again." I took her hand.
"I know. But that wasn't it. Promise me you won't do anything stupid and get yourself killed. Promise me you'll come back." She pleaded with me as tears threatened to spill.
"I will do everything I can to come back to you," I vowed the best I could. "Will you write to me?"
"Of course. You better write too, so I know that you're okay." A tear trickled down her cheek.
"I will. I know you didn't want to hear it last night, but I do love you. I never stopped, and I'm sorry I didn't try harder to hold on to you when you needed me before." I kissed her forehead.
"I'm sorry I pushed you away in the first place. I share some of the blame," she admitted.
"When I get home, I'll never let you out of my arms ever again," I vowed.
"I might hold you to that." Her lips started to lift into a smile.
"I hope that you do." I pulled her into a searing kiss.
She held up the item that she had been playing with in her hands. It was a small medallion with a dove etched on it. "Maybe this will bring you good luck and keep you safe."
"I'll keep it in my pocket." I took it from her and kissed her again.
I heard the bus arriving and knew it was time to go. My parents were still waiting for one more good-bye. Bella seemed to understand immediately and kissed my cheeks softly.
"Good-bye, Edward," she said softly, mustering up the courage to hold back her tears.
"Good-bye, sweet Dove. Will you sing one more time for me?" I asked, and she nodded.
Before I could cross the street, I heard the strumming of her guitar and voice above the others.
To everything turn, turn, turn
There is a season turn, turn, turn…
My mother looked at me with curiosity then back at Bella. "I thought…." She seemed to change her mind mid-sentence. "Bella has always been a sweet girl."
"She still is. Mom, do me a favor and look out for her. Ever since Emmett died her parents seemed to stop caring. It will make me feel better knowing she has you there for her since I can't be."
"Of course, dear," she promised.
I hugged my parents good-bye and climbed on the bus, grabbing a window seat. I lowered the window so I could still hear Bella. As we drove away, I heard the ending of her song.
A time to gain, a time to lose
A time to rain, a time of sow
A time for love, a time for hate
A time for peace, I swear it's not too late.
1969
I was gone a lot longer than I thought I would be, and I still couldn't shake the horror that I witnessed overseas. It was far worse than I expected. It all came to a head when my company was ambushed while marching through the jungle. I lost several friends, and others were severely injured. I ended up with shrapnel in one leg and burns on my back—I considered myself one of the lucky ones.
I was placed in a hospital far from home and was only allowed a few calls to my parents and a couple to Bella. She had remained faithful by writing to me while I was gone. When I did hear her voice, I could tell she was struggling to stay strong for me.
I was finally on a bus, on my way home. No one knew I was coming since I didn't want to disappoint them if something went wrong. When the bus pulled up to my stop, I got off and started for home. I still had a slight limp, but it felt good not to be locked up in some hospital ward or other small space.
When I got to our houses, I paused wondering who to surprise first. That is when I heard singing coming from the backyard. I grinned and beat toward my Dove. I paused in shock of the sight before me. Bella sat on the grass, playing her guitar, and singing. In front of her was a small boy with dark curls. I blinked and realized he had to be way too old to be Bella's.
"Ma," the little boy squealed and then ran straight into the arms of a blonde woman.
I realized after a moment that it was Roselie. Emmett had left behind a baby, and it explained Rosalie's disappearance. I swallowed a lump, glad it hadn't been us. Rosalie spotted me first and her eyes widened. I shook my head and placed a finger to my lips. Bella remained unaware and kept singing.
Here comes the sun, doo-doo-doo-doo
Here comes the sun, and I say
It's alright
I knelt down and crawled my way through the grass until I was behind her.
Little darlin', it's been a long, cold, lonely winter
I sang the next line even though I knew my voice wasn't as good as hers.
Little darlin', it feels like years since it's been here
She froze and glanced over her shoulder. She gasped and her hand flew to her mouth before struggling to remove her guitar. I helped her and then she tackled me into the grass.
"You're home. Why didn't you tell me you were coming, I would've met your bus." She hugged me tightly.
"I wanted to surprise you." I chuckled at her enthusiasm. As she started to kiss my jaw then lips.
"Dove, we have an audience," I reminded her.
She sat up and glanced around the empty yard. "Rose must have taken E.J. inside. Emmett has a son, that's why she had to leave; her parents sent her away. She's back for a visit, I just found out myself a few days ago. My dad is at work, so he won't interfere."
I also knew Bella's mom ran off with Jake of all people not long after I left. There had been some ups and downs with her father. But they mainly stayed out of each other's way.
"Welcome home, soldier." She smiled up at me.
"Thank you, sweet Dove. I can't tell you how good it is to be here. I love you." I kissed her long and hard.
If You Believe in Magic – The Lovin' Spoonful
The Sound of Silence- Simon & Garfunkel
Blowin' in the Wind – Peter, Paul, and Mary ver. Written by Bob Dylan
Turn! Turn! Turn! - The Byrds
Here Comes the Sun – The Beatles