Chapter II

If I Didn't Care

Lucy held her head in her hands, taking in a deep breath of fresh air. She had managed to keep her composure for the last few minutes, but even the slightest twist in her stomach seemed to send her body haywire as it tried to clear out her system. She hadn't felt so crappy since she had gotten her first set of cybernetics. Hell, she hadn't actually eaten all that much in the last few days, so she wasn't entirely certain what it was that her body was throwing up; the green and black liquid looking just disgusting enough to not warrant her staring too closely at it, lest it cause her to throw up again.

"Are you hanging in there?" Christien stepped out of the main door to the Think Tank, moving over to rub Lucy's back.

"Wh-" Lucy coughed, spitting out some of the remaining liquid in her mouth. "Where's Veronica?"

"Taking a look at the pod, trying to figure out what went wrong." Christine replied.

"Nothing." Lucy corrected. The machine had done exactly as designed, side effects aside. "It worked, I was reliving memories just like she s-"

"You also nearly died." Christine said flatly. "I don't know if I would count that as working."

"I could have handled it." Lucy grumbled, spitting once more in a vain attempt to get rid of the foul taste in her mouth.

"Here." Christine forced a canteen into her hands.

"Thanks." She took a swig, washing it around her mouth before spitting that out onto the concrete. "Tastes like death."

"That would because it is." Christine picked up a stick from nearby, gesturing at the spot beside the sidewalk Lucy had been poisoning. "That black crap isn't organic, it's a by-product of your cybernetics shorting out."

Lucy fought back the urge to throw up. "How do you know?"

"I had the Brains take a look at it." Christine explained. "I also ran a couple tests to make sure there weren't any adverse side effects."

"So tell me doc," Lucy tried for her most confident smile. "Will I live?"

"So long as you steer clear of that machine, yeah." Christine didn't hesitate in killing her mood. Lucy fell silent at the prospect. "Look, I don't know what you saw in there, but you almost died. You can't plug yourself back in until we know how to keep that from happening."

"I could have taken it." It was a lie, and even Lucy could tell that. Her body was still shaking from the experience, and though the pain in her head was mostly gone, the fact she could feel any at all was a very worrying sign. Christine didn't call her out on her lie however. "I saw my parents."

"I know."

"I… after Benny, and my head, I-" Lucy's voice wavered and she felt Christine's hand on her back move up to grip her shoulder. "I thought those memories were gone."

She had made an effort to trace her steps, but aside from her encounter with Ulysses, she hadn't found a single mention of her past, even if she was fairly convinced that he had just been full of shit. She was an anomaly. She didn't exist in any NCR census, she hadn't been registered citizen until well after the Second Battle of Hoover Dam, and the company out west that she had worked for had nothing for her to go on. She'd even looked through Legion slave records, because of course the Legion kept detailed accounts of everyone that they had bought and traded throughout the years, but still, she'd found nothing. It was like she was a ghost, but now she remembered something, even if distantly, even if it was only the vague notion of the cold biting at her skin. It was something to go on, and they wanted her to stop?

"I know how much this means to y-"

"Do you?" Lucy interrupted, glaring at Christine from the corner of her eye. "You know what it's like to have your memories stolen from you? With no hope of ever finding out who you were?"

Chrisitne was silent for a long moment, but rather than looking at Lucy with shock or anger as would have been justified, it was pity that filled her eyes. Lucy turned away as the guilt swelled up inside of her.

"No, I don't." Christine corrected. "I… my parents weren't exactly the most loving in the world, but… there were moments that I cherish, even after everything that happened."

"I don't know why I care." Lucy shook her head. "I thought I put that all to rest years ago, after meeting you in the Sierra Madre, I thought I'd let it go but…" Having it thrown back in her face was killing her, all the answers that she wanted were right within her grasp. "I shouldn't care…"

"Of course you care." Chrsitine nudged her shoulder, drawing Lucy's attention back to her. "You've got a good heart, Lucy, and I know how much what we are asking hurts, but we only ask because we care."

Lucy nodded. "I know."

"So promise me you wont plug yourself back in until we've sorted this out."

"I promise." Lucy responded before looking away, unable to keep her eyes locked with Christine's. She hated lying, least of all to her friends.

"Good." Christine said happily. "Think you could make the trip upstairs? I want to have the Auto-Doc take a look at you."

"Yeah, I can make it." Lucy stood up, careful to mask the dizzy spell that threatened to take over her. "I'll be fine."

"I know you will." Christine took Lucy's arm in hers. "But let me help."

Their short trip aside, Lucy was happy to be back in the Sink. More than anything, she wanted to take a shower to get rid of the lingering smell of vomit and sweat, but before she could slink off to her room, Christine practically shoved her into the confined space of the Auto-doc. The very fact that Christine of all people wanted her to be in one of those machines betrayed exactly how worried she was.

The doors closed and the Auto-Doc willed to life, sounding like it had just been woken from a particularly comfortable sleep. "Hmph? Ah, it's you, So, what-" The machine paused to yawn, before smacking its 'lips'. "-seems to be the problem this time?"

Lucy crossed her arms. "Nothing too serious, I feel fi-"

"Did you actually walk in here?" The machine sounded somewhere between impressed and horrified. "Your blood pressure and heart rate are high enough, but your cybernetics have also burnt a decent bit of their circuitry and burned the surrounding flesh. Does it hurt?"

Lucy shook her head. "Not anymore, it did but-"

"How about when I do this?" A small mechanical arm poked a spot along her spine causing Lucy to cry out in pain.

"Ow! What the hell was that?!"

"Yep, you blew your inhibitors all right." Another arm came down, this time with a needle of painkillers to inject into her arm. "Surprised it took you this long honestly, most subjects that have the amount of metal that you have in you encounter this much earlier on."

"And what exactly is this?" Lucy felt the numbness from her arm spread to the rest of her body as a set of arms came under her own to allow her to remain standing. It was an awkward experience, and one that you had to be careful not to panic during, but she had quickly found that whoever programmed this particular Auto-Doc had gone above and beyond their standard duty.

"Cybernetic rejection, your body is fighting off the implants as if they were viruses." The Auto-doc answered. "Usually this happens in the opening weeks of implantation, but you were a special case it seems, got a delayed reaction instead. Not sure why your body suddenly turned on you though."

Lucy sighed. "Guess there really was something wrong after all. Any lasting damage?"

"Nothing we can't fix right here, thankfully your inhibitors did their job and prevented any real damage being done." The doc replied. "Still, I'm surprised they didn't bring you to me in a stretcher, screaming in pain all the way." She vaguely heard the sound of the mechanical arms moving behind her, but she didn't feel anything and did her best to ignore the sound of drills and saws.

"You know me doc, as tough as they come." Lucy tried to smile but the act died on her lips. "Will it happen again?"

"In a normal person? Yes." A mechanical arm came down to inject another substance into her arm. "You, however, it's hard to say. The fact it happened so late might be a sign that it was caused by something, but I really couldn't bet on what. Now let me focus on replacing some of these implants. Trust me, the last thing that you want is me distracted when I go poking around in that head of yours. Lord knows there's enough wrong with it already."

Lucy felt a darkness creep at the edge of her vision as the sedatives finally started taking hold of her, and before long she was out cold.

The Think Tank was dark when Lucy finally snuck down stairs, although the dim lighting did little to impede her. Her surgery in the Auto-doc had taken a couple of hours apparently, although she had been mostly unconscious for that in a dreamless sleep as the machine took her apart and put her back together. The scars had already started to heal however, and with the machine's work completed, she felt right as rain.

Just in time for lights out.

One of the many things Lucy, Veronica, and Christine had done upon taking over control of Big Mountain was to implement what the Brains referred to as "Humane rehabilitation." In truth, it was a set of rules and standards meant to help the Brains act more human, a set of rules that Lucy had begrudgingly been convinced to follow so as to set a good example. One of those rules was that the Brains should go home at the end of the work day, or at least to the housing complex Lucy had cleared out in her crusade through the installation. It helped the Brains think, given time from the lab, and allowed them to pick up hobbies. Apparently Eight was quite the painter, and Doctor Zero had even managed to build something that didn't explode upon being plugged in. The world was just full of surprises.

None of that mattered however, as Lucy approached the Memory pod. With the room abandoned, and Veronica and Christine asleep upstairs, it gave her free reign of the facility. The machine was surprisingly easy to turn on and start up, the issue came from both being in the pod and turning it on at the same time. After a few dozen lines of code however, Lucy was able to set up the access for her to do so simply by plugging herself in.

Despite how badly she wanted to just jump right back in, the thoughts of what had happened earlier that day continued to replay in her mind. While she wasn't willing to set the machine aside entirely, she wasn't suicidal and she knew the danger. Setting a timer to close out the program after a few minutes was far more difficult than giving herself better access, as the machine had quite the lengthy shut down process apparently, but she had managed to do it relatively easy.

Grabbing the cord, she shuffled back up towards the seat, closing the pod around her. "Here goes nothing." Lucy whispered to herself, before plugging the cord into the slot behind her ear.

Memory Chamber Active

…

Status: Online

…

Host: Integrated

…

Initiating Program

…

Lucy wiped the sweat from her brow, sighing heavily as the sweltering heat seemed to swallow her whole. The mountains were always so much nicer, certainly not without their problems, but at least there she could enjoy the breeze. Out here on the salt flats however, things were very different. The fact that it was her idea in the first place didn't change the fact that it sucked.

"Find anything good over there sweetie?" Her dad's voice rang out across the narrow road from under the hood of the truck he was working on.

"No dad!" Lucy called back. "Everything's burnt up, not even worth the effort to scrap, honestly."

"Best keep looking then, we need the wiring to fix the generator!"

Lucy stepped back from the car that she had been looking through. It had looked promising when they drove by, but upon further inspection it had been nothing more than a pile of junk. The salt from the ground had eroded any real value in the hull or engine, but she had been sure the wiring would have survived. Still, two centuries would have added up, even if it was small stuff. Moving to the next car, she popped the hood and the metal lifted with a groan.

The engine itself was likewise rusted beyond use, so was the coolant system and transmission, but the terminal center seemed to have fared better, and upon removing the case she let out an elated yell. "Found it!" Lucy pulled out the knife her mom had given her for her last birthday and started cutting the wires she couldn't salvage. The rest she carefully removed and stored in her old backpack.

"Luce' come take a look at this!" Her dad yelled for her, his voice echoing out across the flats.

"I found the wiring we need." Lucy reported as she moved over to stand beside him.

"That's great sweetie." Her dad moved his hand over to ruffle her hair, managing to get a few in before she could successfully pull away. He chuckled as she glared up at him. "Look what I found~"

Lucy moved over to the edge of the truck, looking down to see what her dad was referring to. Her eyes lit up as her annoyance faded. "Is the coolant system regulator still intact?!"

"Sure is kiddo." Her dad had the good grace to step aside to avoid the her-shaped missile that nearly flew into the engine compartment of the truck.

"How is it so well preserved?!" Lucy gushed even as she started undoing the screws that held it there.

"Don't know." Her dad shrugged. "The hood was sealed pretty tight, took a lot of elbow grease to get it open." He smiled and patted his arm. "But your old man was able to get it open no problem."

"Puh, old is right." Lucy smirked up at him as the final top screw came loose, allowing her to detach the system from the engine.

"Hey!" Her dad gawked. "I'm not so old that I can't put you over my knee."

Lucy rolled her eyes. "I'm sixteen, dad, not nine. I know when you're bluffing. Now help me pull this out."

Her dad crossed his arms. "And risk throwing out my back? I have to be careful in my old age!" He reached over to grab the weight before she could drop it. "You know what this means right?"

Lucy's smile threatened to sprain a muscle. "We can finish Old Red."

"Damn straight!" Her dad grabbed the regulator and lifted it onto his shoulder as if it didn't weigh a thing. Lucy planted her hands on the edge of the cabin and jumped out. "Oh, I can't wait to see that old motorcycle running again. My dad always said-"

"It's the fastest thing in the wastes. I know." Lucy repeated the familiar boast with a roll of her eyes. "I'll be the judge of that, thank you."

Her dad set the regulator down gently in the back of their truck. "Got everything else on the shopping list?"

"Yes sir." Lucy swung her backpack around and opened the top. "Wires, vacuum tubes, a handful of circuit boards, everything I need to fix up that old terminal we have in the shed."

"Spend all that time with those electronics of yours and you'll start to leak grease, you'll be more machine than girl before you know it." Her dad chuckled and reached to ruffle her hair again but she managed to dodge out of the way. "Now hop in the truck, we have a lot of ground to cover before we reach the next depot to fill up."

Lucy held out her hand expectantly, hoping that he would act without thinking. Instead of keys, however, she received a single raised eyebrow.

"Oh come on, Becky's dad lets her drive!"

"Becky's dad's truck is falling apart." Her dad shook his head. "Not much left that she could break."

Lucy recognized that tone and she groaned, throwing her bag in the back before moving towards the cabin and drawing out the map stashed under the seat. Even with the weapons and caps, not to mention a working truck, the map itself was probably the most valuable item they had brought. Hiding it under the seat had been her idea; while people might rob them for the caps and truck itself, they would definitely rob them for the map.

"Alright," Her dad opened the driver side door to join her. "Which way are we going?"

"Follow the speedway south for a few miles, then take a left onto interstate eighty." Lucy looked up from the map. "Then in about a hundred miles, take a right."

Her father nodded. "I shall endeavor to remember."

"Sure your memory hasn't started to fail you?" Lucy smirked and looked up to her dad.

"Think your mother would miss you if I left you here?" Her dad rubbed at the rough stubble of facial hair he'd let grow out. "I'm almost certain I could get away with it for a day or two. Three if I'm lucky." Lucy crossed her arms and looked out the window. "I'm joking!" He reached an arm over her shoulder to drag her into a side hug. "Quit your pouting and turn on the radio. You aren't fooling anyone, I can tell when you're bluffing too."

Lucy smiled at him and turned the knob in the center console.

"Last night I had, the strangest dream, I ever dreamed before~"

"Oh, I love this song, turn it up!" Her dad was already reaching for the volume even as he said it.

She swatted his hand. "Focus on the road, the passenger gets to decide what we're listening to."

Her dad scoffed. "Since when?"

"Since mom got tired of you playing that damn Ink Spots song over and over."

"Hey, watch your mouth young lady." Her father replied sternly. "The Ink Spots are a classic."

"They're all classics, dad, they're like, two hundred years old." Lucy smirked. "Almost as old as-"

"Almost as old as me~" Her dad replied, doing his best impression of her voice. "You are just a barrel of laughs, you know that?"

"It's a burden." Lucy shrugged half heartedly. "But one of us has to be funny."

Her dad side eyed her for a moment before smiling. "You're turning out more like your mother every day."

Lucy smiled and turned to look and rest her arm out of the open window, letting the breeze help to cool her off as they drove down the road. There wasn't much to look at, just flat terrain for miles, but off down the road, when the haze from the heat cleared, she imagined she could almost see the mountains that meant home.

Connection timed out

…

Termination Sequence: Initiated

…

Lucy sat up with a start, once again struggling to breath. Her throat felt impossibly dry and her head once again felt like someone had tried to put a nail through it. She could feel the sweat falling from her brow, but through sheer force of will she managed to bite down on her body's instinctive urge to vomit.

The program hadn't picked up where it last left off, much to her annoyance. Rather than being only a few seconds away from seeing her mom, she was someplace entirely different with her dad. There hadn't been any kind of parameter or metric to select however, and as Lucy pulled the connection from her head, she slowly moved over towards the terminal and began working on a way to pinpoint certain memories. Clearly, her mind was far more intact than any of them had ever thought, but were her injuries partly to blame for the incoherence of them, or was that simply a limitation of the machine itself? She was determined to find out.

Lucy felt her stomach twist, and she buckled over in pain, dry heaving as her body had nothing left to throw up thankfully. She had neglected to eat after her surgery in the Auto-doc. While she knew she must have been hungry, she couldn't stomach the idea of food, let alone the sustenance itself, and so turned her attention back towards the terminal. Something important to work on would distract her from the pain, and she couldn't think of anything more important than figuring out how to get the Memory Pod to give back what had been taken from her.