Guys, I LOVED your reaction to the last chapter! xx
On another note… This chapter is not an easy one. Mentions of non-con, emotional neglect and blood. You've been warned.
Where things suddenly fall into place...
Yes, baby. Only two more hits and we can get to the real good part.
Thank you for trusting me. Thank you for putting up with my needs.
"Yellow." She says and I immediately toss the belt aside.
Well done, baby. You've taken four hits and safe worded before it got too much.
Thank you for keeping the scene.
"Good girl." I lean down on her to plant kisses from her neck all the way down her spine. Already I'm picturing how I'll fuck her from behind on this table, pound hard into her, both of us climaxing. Later in time I'll claim her ass like this and it will be phenomenal. But good things take time and today I want to reward her after she had taken her first real punishment so well.
I've decided that Ana never would go out of this room without a reward, without pleasure. Even if we come here for punishments I want her to enjoy this, too. That's not completely according to the rules of the Dominant I used to be. But fuck the rules. We're going to do what we both want. I picture myself taking her into my arms postcoitally and telling her how proud I am of her for trusting me, for taking the pain to please me.
I just need to make sure she's ready to take me. Fondly I remember how she was dripping wet when I spontaneously spanked her in my car. When I feel her I'm surprised to see she isn't ready at all. The moment my fingers leave her, I hear her make a whimpering sound. I look up and see her face scrunched up, in agony, crying furiously.
No. No. No. Shit.
This doesn't look like Yellow. This is fucking Red.
"Ana!" I blurt and stumble up to untie her hands. Shit. Why did I think that was a good idea in the first place? What has gotten into me? This was her first real punishment session, I should have gone more easy on her.
I try to help her up but she pushes me away.
"Don't touch me!" she screams.
I take a step closer. Ana, wait! You safe worded and I stopped…
"Don't come near me!" she pushes her tears away and tries to hide her nudity from me with her arms.
This is definitely Red.
I hold out a hand, hoping she'd let me touch her. Make her understand.
"Ana.. " but she doesn't let me.
"Is this what you want? Seeing me like this?" Well.. yes and no. I actually wanted us to end this on a different note. Punished but.. Content? But that isn't important now. I definitely took her too far.
Before I can say anything she grabs her dress on the floor, pressing it into her chest to cover her modesty and runs from the room.
"Ana!" but she slams the door shut behind her.
Shit.
I need a moment to grasp what just had happened. She agreed to come here. All of this was based on consent. She played along. We got to four hits. She safe worded. Yellow. Close to her limits but not over them yet. Change of scene then. I did. And then everything went downhill. What was I missing? Why didn't she say Red in the first place? It feels like I know the answer but I just can't put my finger on it.
It doesn't matter now. I need to find her. Whatever just happened for whatever reason I couldn't see her hurt like this.
I find her in the guest room, lying on the bed, facing away from the door. Honestly, I'm wary of what to say. She turns around and only stares at me.
"I'm staying here tonight." she says.
"Of course…" I cannot hide my disappointment. Is this the beginning of the end? "Listen.." I try to vocalize all of it but cannot even form a sentence. I'm so nervous.
"Please leave me alone."
"Ana, please don't hate me." I know I sound weak and desperate. At this point I do not care. Slowly I walk up to her, sitting down close to edge of the bed.
She looks at me for a long time, too long for my liking. What does she see in me? Her chosen Dom? Or just a man who whipped her with a belt?
Slowly she sits up and lifts her hand to caress my cheek. She leans in to kiss me, her lips still wet from her tears. When we part I lean my forehead on hers.
"I just need some time to myself." she whispers. Is this it?
I nod. I feel like there's a lot to say but if Ana doesn't want to see me or tell me what's on her mind I better shut the fuck up. I cannot push myself onto her.
Maybe she just needs to adjust… to the punishment thing?
Later that night I wake up from a nightmare. When did I even fall asleep? I was so torn over what happened.. I must have dozed off without realizing. Of course I have a tough time falling asleep again. Which isn't a rare thing. But there are two details that make this night profoundly different. First, my bed is empty. Lately I insisted on having Ana by my side when she was staying over. After what happened in the playroom I don't blame her for staying away from me. I'm glad she didn't run for the hills and is still in my apartment. Even if that meant she isn't close to me. Knowing she's just a stone throw away soothes my mind.
Second, my nightmare didn't circle around my childhood. Normally my nightly tormentor was either the pimp or my whore mother with all of the glorious things they did to me. No. Tonight I saw myself being older, a grown up man.
To my dismay it wasn't a dream, it is my actual memory. Back then it had been a natural thing. Cause and consequence. That's how it is and how it should be. But tonight that memory torments me… it feels so wrong…why?
I was twenty one, student at Harvard. I hadn't seen Elena in several weeks and it was giving me a hard time. Literally. It didn't help that the walls of my dorm were paper thin and my neighbor seemed to be fucking the whole female student body. Day and night. Everyday. I wondered if and how he got through his studies. Elena had forbidden me to masturbate and it was slowly but steadily getting the best of me. What possible other reason was there for what was about to happen.
One day I was studying in the library when a dark haired woman sat across from me. I ignored her. She began to unpack her books and silently worked through her notes. A pencil of hers rolled to the floor, close to my leg. When she crawled under the table, I saw the back of her head close to me. I didn't know what it was but it gave me a weird sensation. A loud thud and 'Ow!' made me jump. She had hit her head on the way up from under the table. That actually made me laugh.
"You think that's funny?" she asked, looking at me with a raised eyebrow. She was honestly really pretty, long black hair, caramel skin and dark brown eyes. Maybe she was from South America or the Middle East?
"You don't?" I answered her and she smirked at that. "Hi, I'm Christian." I said and held out a hand for her to shake. She took it with a surprisingly soft and delicate hand.
"I'm Farah." Ah, I knew it.
"So you're from the Middle East?" I asked and she actually rolled her eyes at me.
"No, my parents are. I was born in Ohio." With that she took her pen and started to write again. Ignoring me.
"Nice to meet you." I mumbled and resumed my work. Oddly nice.
After several hours of studies and none of us saying anything, I began to pack up my things. The library was about to close.
"Do you want to grab a coffee sometime?" I didn't know what I was doing. I clearly knew that Elena had forbidden me any interaction with the opposite sex and I unquestionably knew I wasn't capable of getting close to anyone, too.
Farah smiled and took her bag and jacket. "We can get one on the way out."
We did, from the tiny coffee stall close to the library, and walked all the way to her dorm which was on the other side of the campus. Talking about everything and nothing till we got there.
"Thanks for the coffee and.. company." She said and then she was gone.
Without planning to, it became our ritual to study together, grab a coffee and walk to her dorm every other day and I more than enjoyed her being with me.
On this fateful night, everything was supposed to change. It was close to Christmas and both of us were going home for the holiday's on the next day. We were standing on the entrance to her dorm, several steps under the doorway. Somehow it had become a habit that Farah stood a step above me so she would be at my eye level. She was tiny compared to me.
"Look! A mistletoe!" she said and gestured towards the door that was at least five foot away. I looked past her, confused what she was talking about.
Wasn't one supposed to stand under the mistletoe..?
Before I could think to the end of that, she had pressed her lips onto mine. It was an innocent kiss. More like a peck with her hands behind her back. Maybe that was the first time she had given someone a kiss? It was over before I knew what happened. I don't know what got into me but I suddenly grabbed her face and gave her a real kiss. We were both kind of breathless after we pulled apart.
"See you after the holidays!" she blurted and jumped up the stairs. Then she was gone.
I stood there for longer than it was socially acceptable. Unable to grasp what I had just done. And suddenly it came to me what this meant.
Elena.
She would be furious. Rightly so, because I had broken the rules.
What happened after that is history. Of course when I came back home I told her what had happened. I knew the consequences. And I knew that I deserved it.
We were in her home. Her husband had decided to go skiing with his hookup instead of spending Christmas with Elena. I was bending over the table, hands bound, naked and she was giving me a hell of a punishing with a leather belt. Normally I could handle that just fine, but this time she used the end with the buckle and I knew that I wouldn't be able to walk properly after that. I would certainly bruise and suddenly I realized I had to find an excuse to skip our traditional New Year's swim with my family. After the thirteenth slap I couldn't take it anymore.
"Yellow." I said and I felt like a failure. Elena ignored me. We were on number fifteen by now.
"Yellow." I said again and this time she paused.
"Really? I thought you were stronger than that! If you're not a pussy, you'd better take what you deserve or you man up and say 'Red' right away!"
I didn't answer that because I didn't know what to say.. I was embarrassed already to have safe worded…
So I closed my eyes and took the beating without making any further sounds. When she reached her promised twenty hits she tossed the belt aside. I knew what came next. It was always the same thing.
She knew I didn't like it and felt humiliated every time she had done that to me. Today after breaking her trust I knew she would do it again. Degradation was part of the deal and as most of the deal had been in my favor, I had persuaded myself to just take it and shut up.
It hurt like hell. Weeks of no sexual interaction also meant that my anus wasn't ready. It hurt even worse than the belt. I was starting to loose it completely. When she told me to fuck her afterwards I couldn't climax no matter how much she threatened me to punish me. The pain was nagging me the whole time and I just couldn't release. Thankfully she let me go home after that. Telling me she would save that earned punishment for next time.
With a tube of arnica cream and a 'Merry Christmas' from her I was standing at her doorstep, staring at her closed door before leaving for my own home.
And I have never felt so miserable in my life before. All of this because of one kiss. I knew I deserved it. I had broken all the rules here. But still. I couldn't even imagine what Elena had done to me if I dared to do more with Farah. What had gotten into me thinking a vanilla girl was even what I wanted? And how could she mess with my head enough for me to dismiss everything all at once?
Of course I couldn't see her again. Normal relationships just weren't for me. Vanilla woman. If I stay away from them, it would also prevent me from crossing the line. My place was somewhere else.
Grace could tell something was more wrong with me than usual. I told her I wasn't so sure if college was the right thing for me and if I shouldn't pursue a different career. She swallowed my lie. For once I wished I wasn't so unworthy of her love and not such a god damn liar.
It didn't help that I started a fight with my dad so I could find a reason to skip the New Year's swim. I found it odd anyway to have this tradition but my mum wanted to combine seeing my grandparents and using their indoor swimming pool. So that's how that began. While everyone was away I stayed behind in my bedroom, trying to clean my bloody underwear. It took almost a week till I didn't bleed anymore.
Somehow that was the beginning of the end. I decided I didn't want to be a submissive anymore but rather be a dominant. A few months later I'd drop out of Harvard to start my business with Elena's help.
I never saw Farah again. Until this night where she came back to me in my sleep.
I jump out of bed and head for the door. I need to find Ana and make sure she is okay.
When I reach her room it's filled with a suffocating darkness. At first I'm not sure if she's awake, it is the middle of the night after all. But the sound of muted weeping makes me stop in my tracks.
Shit.
Without saying anything I lie down next to her, the movement of the mattress makes her turn around in confusion. I should have done a better job at aftercare and regret doing such a shoddy work at being her Dom. What the hell am I saying. I should have taken better care of the woman I love. The human being that I hurt on purpose.
"Please don't cry." It's the only thing I manage to say. What else can I say? Nothing could divert from what happened today. I have this heavy lump in my throat.
"You'll never do that to me again." We both sit up.
Hell, I don't want to do anything even close to this again if that means seeing her like this.
I lean in to stroke her hair from her face, it's glued to her cheek by her tears.
"I'm sorry, Ana.." Never have I apologized to any other woman for a punishment. Never.
She continues to cry and I feel helpless.
"Ana, I don't understand. I've stopped the moment you safe worded… why didn't you just say Red."
Where earlier her crying had slowed down it just gets worse again. I can't take it anymore. I pull her towards me and hold her close. Her face pressed into my naked chest. Fuck my mind for even trying to panic now. Not the fucking time.
"I.. I just wanted to give you what you want. I wanted to make things up to you.." She says in between shaky breaths.
I groan in frustration. Although the idea that she wants to please me beyond her limits might be endearing, it made us end up here.
"God Ana! This is not how this works! How can I trust that you will be honest with me if you pull shit like that?" Again I'm an asshole for making this her fault. I crossed the line. I should have taken better care of her as her Dom. But I was too egoistical. Too soaked up in my own fantasy of punishing her.
I pull her closer.
"Is this what you want? To see me like this?" she leans back to look me in the eye.
"No." Because this isn't even close to pleasurable to me.
"Then why did you do that?" she whispers.
"It comes with the scene.. I.." don't know what to say. Early on I made it clear that I wasn't a soft Dom. But now?
A long time ago I used to beat the shit out of brown haired girls to punish my birth mother for abandoning me. But Flynn helped me to understand that didn't change the past or the present.. It actually made everything worse. Until then I was sure of being a sadist. After that I just seemed to enjoy the lifestyle because all of my former submissive had taken their beating with… pleasure. Well.. Now. I'm not so sure anymore if the beating itself is what gives me the pleasure. It's more the recipient's reaction.
"I thought that you might.. Enjoy that." I'm not sure how on earth she might follow my train of thoughts. "Are you afraid of me?" I wouldn't be surprised if she was. No matter how clear the negotiation, how sharp the contract, when the dynamic escalates it produces raw emotions. And the natural consequence to a beating is anger or fear. Only a right mindset can prevent that.
"I should be.. However I'm not. Technically I asked for it.." she mumbles.
We remain silent for a few moments. I wonder what these events mean for us.
"I can't be what you want." She says after a while. I see her petite silhouette in the faint moonlight that starts to illuminate the room in waves of lightness and darkness.
What? How can she make this about herself? I am the god damn fucker that punished her with a belt.
"Ana, you're everything that I want." Saying it out loud makes it even more painful. How could I treat her so badly.
Fuck. Is she breaking up with me?
"No, Christian. You can be sure that I'll never let you do that to me again. And I know this is what you want… what you need."
No. No. No. This cannot be. We cannot fail due to incompatibility. I feel panic rising in me.
"Ana, we tried it. You don't want to do that with me. I get it. We.. I won't do that again."
"How? How can you just stop being who you are?"
No. This is not happening. No fucking way.
"I don't know who I am." I confess. I know what the world sees when they see me. CEO of Grey Enterprise. Eligible bachelor. Adopted son. Maybe even handsome guy. But to Ana. I have shown all of me. The narcissist. The psychopath. The fucked up husk of a man.
We stay in silence. At least she hasn't run from me again. There is still hope.
"Trust me Ana. Just for once. I said we will never do anything that you don't want to. And that is the end of it."
"I just don't understand how that could be possible. Christian, please make me understand." Her wide eyes are glistening in dark.
It's now or never. I try to open my mouth but no words escape me.
"You really want to give all of it up because of me? Who am I to you?" she says and I know this question. She has asked that several times before.
"I guess I never gave anyone a real chance to come close to me… " Oddly Farah's face pops up in my mind.
She nods, her expression bitter.
"And now that you've learned that… how can I know you won't find someone more suitable for you and leave me… " her words are almost a whisper.
Shit. That's not what I meant at all. I take her hands in panic, hoping I'd for once would be able to say it right.
"No, Ana. Stop. What I meant is… I don't know what I've done right in my life to deserve this… but I was so lucky to open up to the only woman who is everything I ever wanted. You're everything to me, Ana."
She looks out the window, tears streaming down her face again. Why doesn't she believe me?
"Sometimes… " she stammers." I think the only reason you want me is because.. you're so broken."
Ow. That hurts.
"That says more about you than me.. " I channel my inner Flynn. All means to an end welcome at this point.
I grab her chin to make her look back at me.
"Anastasia, the only reason I want you is… " Moment of truth Grey, don't mess this up.
"I love you."
Silence.
"I never knew love was even in the cards for me…but the truth is you are the love of my life. I love you no matter how much you're willing to share my… taste. "
She only blinks.
"What?" she says shortly, oblivious to the fact that she was crying earlier.
"I said I love you, Ana." I cannot contain my amusement from my voice.
"Really?" she blurts and I full on laugh out loud to that. How comes this woman unarms me with a few words. I was so anxious to confess my love… and already I am laughing about it.
"Yes, really. At this point normally it would be suitable to say something in return… " How can she not believe me? Maybe I should have done something extraordinary to prove it to her?
Grey, you just whipped her with a belt and now you have the audacity to demand an answer from her to your pitiful declaration or love.
"I thought the answer was perfectly clear .." she mumbles and plays with the bed sheet. A move I recently realized she used when she was uncomfortable.
"Not to me.." a very small part of me still kept that money theory alive like a little house plant.
"Oh Christian. Isn't it obvious? Of course I love you!" and with that she lunges herself at me, pushing the air out of my chest while we both crash into the mattress.
The next second we are kissing, first hesitantly then with an urgency to be close to each other.
I pin her under me, we are all lips and tongue, hands and bare skin. Forgotten the anxiety and sorrow from earlier. Ana moans a little when I bury my head in her neck to kiss her delicate skin.
"Wait." She says out of sudden.
I look up at her. Confused. Has she changed her mind?
"Something happened." She says and I lean back a little more.
"What do you mean?"
"You've had a change of heart, I can tell. What happened?"
I'm a freaking open book to her. How is that even possible?! Defeated I sit up, staring out the window.
"I might have realized…maybe I'm not the Dom I thought I was." I confess.
"Maybe you just had a god awful teacher." I can't believe we're talking about Elena right now. I just confessed my love to you woman! Just let me show you my love then! I hope she doesn't want me to elaborate. I feel emotionally drained after this roller coaster.
"Yeah… " I sigh.
Ana comes to a stand.
"I need a cup of tea. Do you want to join me?"
"Tea?! I had something different in mind. Same amount of letters though.. "
"B-o-o-z-e has more than three letters." Ana says, thinking she's oh so smart. I'm glad she's back to her old self.
"I was talking about 'sex'." I grin at her.
"Oh."
"Oh." I mimic her and come to a stand. She crosses her arms in front of her chest.
"I'm not in the mood to be fucked." Great. Everything is going just great.
"However, if you live up to my culinary expectations and make me a sublime cup of tea, maybe we can make love afterwards." She smiles at me, though that smile doesn't reach her eyes.
Yeah, totally inappropriate to fuck now.
Let's make some tea then.
I have to admit that just having tea and not having sex was a good idea. Ana is so exhausted she almost falls asleep. I walk her back to the guest bedroom, accepting her earlier wish to have some distance, and she drifts off the minute her head hits the pillow.
The next morning after breakfast there's an awkward silence between us. I do note that she flinches when sitting down but refuses to let me take care of her. I hope she didn't bruise too much.
Yesterday was a roller-coaster of emotions for both of us. It feels like we are tiptoeing around each other unable to say what's really going on.
"Do you want to go out today?" I finally ask. Gladly she accepts and we spent the afternoon at a reading Ana wanted to attend from a local author. While listening to the authors soothing voice, she places her hand on my thigh. Taking her hand is such a vanilla thing to do, still, it reassures me that we might be back on the right track. Later that day, leaving the restaurant after lunch I bring Ana home. We say our goodbyes with a short kiss. I sit in the driver's seat in front of her apartment for a long time. So long that she calls me to say she can see me from her window lurking around. I start the car and begrudgingly head home.
Both of us have a whole week to evaluate what happened that night and how we would go on from here. Honestly I feared that this would be the end for us. I have given Ana more than enough valid reasons to ditch me for good. Out of my helplessness I even send her a bouquet of white roses. Though I know that she cannot be bribed with these things. Certainly not in matters as important as our punishment fail. At least we talk on the phone before bed every night. She thanks me for the roses. We talk like we always do. About work and all the things. After a few days we even manage to discuss the punishment session. We promise each other to be more honest about our desires and needs to prevent any more accidents from happening. Ana admits that playing beyond her limits to prove her love was foolish. And in hindsight I shouldn't have jumped carelessly at the opportunity to play out my kinks like that. I have to admit I truly lost control that day. Where normally it is my job as a Dom to be in control. How ironic.
I am relieved to hear that Ana doesn't hold a grudge or think I am a psychopath of some sort. To say it soothed my mind… I feel like I shed fifty pounds of weight by one phone call.
On the next weekend I decide to invite her to a casual hike instead of our usual meeting at my apartment. After more or less three hours of hiking, Ana starts to get tired so we head back to the parking space.
I'm just going to give it my best shot.
"Are you coming back to my place?" She looks at me, slightly squinting her eyes. Am I an asshole for asking?
We both know what I'm proposing.
Even though I feel like shit because of what happened last week I still can't stay away. No. That's wrong. I actually want to have sex with her because of what happened that day. I wish she'd understand that I needed us to connect this way. I needed to know we're okay. Maybe even erase those happenings?
"Would you be mad if I said no?" she asks. Mad?
"Of course not." Disappointed, yes. And a little heartbroken too.
She's suspiciously quiet. Should I apologise for asking? Feels like I'm constantly in the state of atonement lately.
"Okay. But I have to be going early. Work and stuff." She says and leans in to kiss me, to my utter surprise.
"Come for me Ana." I groan. Only a few pushes and I'm done too.
"I can't." she moans. My eyes fly open to look at her. Due to the lack of time and energy I've decided to take her in missionary. Yeah, hiking drained me too. Maybe not the best decision in hindsight. She also has a sore butt and it's probably hurting her in this position.
I pull out of her. I definitely need to stimulate her more, this won't work as usual. Maybe Full Nelson will be more comfortable for her? I don't know if she's flexible enough. Doggy? No, I get carried away and might be too rough. Maybe sitting up..?
She looks at me expectantly not in the slightest pissed off that I've stopped fucking her. Yeah, she wasn't going to come anytime soon. I don't blame her, that day's shadow still lingers over us.
"Come here." I say and kneel on the bed, leaning against the headboard. She sits up and comes closer.
"Turn around and sit. You're on top ." She looks fairly surprised but does as told. Yeah, I'm normally in charge while we fuck, I know. But this is about her. I want her to enjoy this and I need full access to her.
When she slides me deep into her we cannot stop the sounds of content from escaping our throats. This is my favorite place to be. Without a doubt.
"Arms behind my head." She reaches behind her, her chest stretched, her breasts perky and ready for me. I bite her neck.
She doesn't start to move which is another sign that she wasn't really in the moment. I stroke her sides up and down while nuzzling her neck and ear. Contently she sighs.
"You're so beautiful." I whisper in her ear while my hands move lower to find their destination. Her head lulls to the side when I begin to massage her clit.
"You mean everything to me." she sighs again and to my delight she starts to take me slowly. I close my eyes to feel her. Really feel her motion.
"I love you so much Ana." She let's out a moan and leans forward to grab my knees.
Yes, baby. I need you to want me. I need you to show me we are okay.
I open my eyes again to enjoy the view, only to be greeted by purple-greenish streaks on her bottom where I've hit her with the belt. The edges are covered in purple splatters where small petechial bruises have formed.
Shit. I cannot even enjoy the sight of my dick coming in and out of her anymore. The memory of what I have done to her is a definite buzz kill for my libido.
I better make this quick before I am totally out of the moment, unable to stay hard.
Roughly, I pull her back into my chest and she rides me again and again until she's done. Funny, how I am the one miles away from coming now.
"You certainly know how to coax an orgasm out of people…" she says after she's come back from her high while stepping down from me. We lay down facing each other.
"You think I only said that because I wanted you to come?" Ana shrugs and looks away. Is she hurt? "I meant every word I said. I love you." It certainly is getting easier to say out loud. I don't know why I have this irrational fear of punishment when I'm declaring my love to her? I should ask Flynn about it.
To my delight she's smiling now. "I love you, too." She snuggles closer to me and closes her eyes.
"You didn't…?" Obviously I didn't come. She would know if I did, right?
"No.." There are only a handful of occasions in my life where I had trouble coming. This is the first and hopefully last time with Ana.
"Why not?"
I can't look her in the eye. "It's not what you think."
"That I'm not giving you what you want?" she whispers.
"That's exactly what I didn't want you to think." I roll on my back to stare at the ceiling. "I'm not a fucking monster you know.. "
"No, but a beast in bed for sure." She snickers a little. Encouraged by her change in mood I need to confess something.
"Still, this might be on my top ten list of best sex ever."
"Really?! Why? " she leans up to look me straight in the eye.
What can I say..that doesn't sound cheesy?
"Fucking and making love are two different things. Being with the woman you love, feeling that connection…" She plants a soft kiss on my lips.
"What else is on your list?" She has a mischievous glint in her eye.
I'm not sure she'll be happy to hear my honest answer. Yes, I have a past. And yes, I've enjoyed myself with other women . Not that sex with Ana wasn't mind blowing. It just didn't mean that everything else wasn't great too…
"I don't know. I actually don't have a real top ten list…"I try to evade the question.
She bites her lip. What is she thinking?
"Is there something you did with them that you'll miss?" She sees right through me.
"No." She raises an eyebrow at me. "There's plenty of stuff we haven't done yet. Yes. But that doesn't mean we never will and that's why I don't miss it."
"Like what?" I have to keep a straight face for this.
"Suspension."
She slaps my arm with a broad grin.
"Christian, this was a serious conversation! What is it with you and seeing me hanging from the ceiling?!"
"I don't know, it just turns me on." It's just the perfect mixture of bondage, artistry, nudity and submission. It isn't just bound and gagged in a crate, it's a balanced act by my ability to plan and execute the suspension that makes it an ongoing pleasure.
God, I hope Ana will say yes someday.
So you might wonder how I let Christian break the rules and kiss Farah? This is rooted in the fact that Elena isn't a good dominant.. She disregards his mental and physical well being, isolates him and makes him even more vulnerable. Classical grooming. Unlike the og story, this Christian wants to have some kind of emotional connection (he doesn't know that himself though) to the opposite sex before meeting Ana, which basically paves the way for him to open up to her. His abusive relationship to Elena just won't let him flourish.. You might also wonder why Elena went so far. Easy answer would be that she's evil. But that's not it. I imagine she truly feared to lose Christian if she didn't put him back in his place. She knew she couldn't compete with someone younger, more suitable in any way who might offer him true love. Noone really thinks of themselves as the bad guy…
What do you think?
See you next week.
xx