They were sat on the sofa snuggled up watching a film when Ellie looked up at her aunt.
"When I'm not with you, I feel like there is something heavy on my chest" Ellie whispered. Stevie glanced at her and knew this needed to be a proper conversation. She paused the film and crossed her legs turning to face the girl.
"Why haven't you told me this before?" Stevie asked and Ellie shrugged.
"I was scared that I'd be too much of a hassle and it would annoy you." Ellie admitted.
"Never feel that way" Stevie explained. "You know you can always talk to me but if you want to speak to a professional I can arrange that".
Ellie didn't know how to react. She knew her aunt was trying to help but wasn't too sure that that was the best response as it made her overthink some things.
"Do you want me to talk to a professional so I don't have to talk to you" Ellie asked nervous fiddling with the blanket on the sofa.
"What? Of course not, even if you are speaking to a professional you can tell me anything you want" Stevie said "Things you've spoken to them about or new things going through your head".
Ellie nodded. She just needed some time to think before saying anything to her aunt. She was relieved to have told her aunt but was still anxious about what to do or say next.
"Is there anything I can do to help?" Stevie asked and Ellie shrugged.
"I'm not very sure just now," Ellie admitted. Part of the reason she had told her aunt was to see if her aunt recommended anything.
"I just wanted to tell you but I don't really know why I told you" Ellie admitted noticing that her aunt was looking for more.
Stevie nodded.
"That's okay, we can work on it together" Stevie said and Ellie nodded. That was what she was looking for.
"Are there any times when you don't feel the heavy feeling?" Stevie asked supportively and Ellie thought for a moment.
"Yeah, and it's more now that I'm living with you. Before it was all the time and it got worst when I knew John would be around. Now, I don't get it when I'm with you in the evening or in bed. I get it in the morning though especially before school and it's bad on a Sunday night" Ellie explained and Stevie nodded. She was suspecting it was perhaps social anxiety.
"Does it go away when you are at school?" Stevie asked and Ellie shook her head.
"Not really, my legs shake a lot and I keep looking at the clock in lessons. I get worried about what other people are thinking and then I think people are staring at me. Sometimes I can stay busy and it's not as bad for a bit but never the whole day" Ellie admitted and Stevie nodded.
"How about you keep a diary and write down the moments you feel really anxious? Then we can look for trends and thing of ways to manage the feelings" Stevie suggested and Ellie nodded.
"Thank you" Ellie admitted and Stevie pulled the girl into her arms.
"I'm always here for you" Stevie said and Ellie smiled.
The next day
Stevie finished work and quickly picked Ellie up from Faith's before they headed home.
"How was school today?" Stevie asked, "did you record the times like we spoke about?"
Ellie nodded and once they arrived home and pulled into the drive, Ellie passed her the notebook. Stevie quickly read over the page before nodding.
"Well done, we'll keep a look at it all week and then come up with a plan" Stevie said.
"What happened in science? What were you learning about?" Stevie said noticing that the girl had put down that her head started spinning when the teacher introduced the topic.
"We are doing genetics" Ellie said nervously.
"We were asked to fill in this chart about our mum and dad. I couldn't do it" Ellie explained. Stevie grabbed the girl's hand.
"I was too scared to say anything but some other person said they didn't have a dad so they said just do the mum. I did you instead because you are still like blood related to me" Ellie said.
"That's a good idea! You know what your mum looked like don't you" Stevie said and Ellie nodded.
"Yes but I couldn't see her eye colour or that" Ellie admitted. "And I didn't know her personality".
Stevie nodded wanting to comfort the girl more but not knowing how to.
"Stevie, why didn't my mum tell you about me?" Ellie asked.
"Honestly Ellie, I really don't know" Stevie admitted. "Though I'm sure your mum had reasons".
"She wrote me a letter, she said that there are other letters for when I get adopted. Do you think I could get them now?" Ellie asked and Stevie nodded.
"I'll speak to your social worker" Stevie explained and Ellie nodded.
"What did the letter say?" Stevie asked.
"Just that she loved me and she was doing what she did to protect me. She said it wasn't safe for me to live with her and my dad" Ellie explained. "She said it would make more sense when I was older. She said she'd come back for me when she was on her own".
"I went out with your dad. He didn't treat me well. He tricked me into falling out with my friends and I started doubting myself. Perhaps he was like that with your mum. I wasn't keen on him at the time. Oh Emma, I hope that wasn't how it was" Stevie said.
"When did you go out with him?" Ellie asked confused.
"After your mum died, I really struggled when she went which is weird because she hadn't been herself for over 5 years" Stevie explained.
"How wasn't she herself?" Ellie asked confused.
"In 2016, your mum was in a car accident. She was left in a vegetative state" Stevie said "she was in a care home".
Ellie nodded.
"So she wouldn't have been able to be my mum anyway. Could she speak?" Ellie asked and Stevie shook her head.
"Sometimes she'd make sounds but not really. She liked when I rubbed hand cream into her hands though, I made sure she was well looked after." Stevie explained.
"Maybe she wanted to tell you about me." Ellie stated and Stevie nodded.
"I really think she would have" Stevie said kissing the girl on the head.
"I've been looking things up on google" Ellie admitted.
"What have I told you about google" Stevie huffed.
"It wasn't medical!" Ellie gushed out. She'd learnt not to google things as it made her overthink.
"Okay, go on then" Stevie said laughing.
"Once you have guardianship of me, will you adopt me? I really want you to be my mum" Ellie admitted nervously. Stevie smiled. She couldn't believe how much that had meant to her.
"I'd be honoured to be your mum" Stevie said, "though we don't need a bit of paper to confirm that".
"Maybe not just now but soon, would you let me call you mum" Ellie asked.
"If that's what you want, of course you can call me mum, just whenever you are ready" Stevie said and Ellie smiled. That took so much pressure off of her. She felt that she could make mistakes and not worry about being sent away or being on her own again.
"You know, I love you whether you call me mum or not" Stevie said and Ellie nodded.
"I know, it's just I've never had a mum and I feel like something is missing. Emma's not here, she can't be my mum. I'm not mad at Emma, I just need a mum" Ellie tried to explain. She could feel the tears in her eyes. She finally felt that what she had held in for so long could surface and she could be honest.
"I understand, baby and I will be your mum" Stevie said. "You are stuck with me forever. Even once you've turned 18, you'll still be my daughter."
"And you better look after me when I'm all grey and old" Stevie said pulling the girl into her arms and trying to lighten the mood slightly.
"You already are old" Ellie spat back and Stevie was shocked. She hasn't been expecting that kick back.
"Wow you are good" Stevie said letting it sink in. "And extremely cheeky"
Stevie leaned over the girl and started tickling her. Ellie giggled and laughed before starting to beg her aunt to stop.
"Stop or I'm going to pee my pants" Ellie begged and Stevie stopped pulling the girl into her arms.
"I definitely don't want a pee stained sofa" Stevie said as she kissed the girl on the top of the head.
"I love you so much" Stevie said kissing the girl on the head.
"I love you too" Ellie said snuggling closer to her aunt.
sorry it's not the best. I tried to take an idea given to me by a reader! Please give me some more so I can keep writing.