40
Bella could hear everyone talking to her, hear them questioning her about what happened, how she'd done it, why she had done it, but she didn't have those answers. She didn't know the whys or hows, just that one minute she was trying to enjoy one of the few, private moments with her parents she had left when she felt a surge of power inside her, starting deep in her chest and radiating through her body until it exploded from her fingertips. But what scared her, what shook her to her core, was that she had physically hurt afterward. It was in that moment that she knew her death would be nothing less than painful.
"Sweetheart," Edward whispered, placing his hands on either side of her face, tilting her head back so he could look her directly in the eye. "Sweetheart, you have to talk to me."
"I don't . . . I don't know. I don't know. I just don't know. Edward, I don't fucking know what happened."
"Okay, shh, calm down," he said quietly. "Just calm down."
Though there were more than a dozen vampires and two sentinels watching her with fear etched into every feature, their attention, along with Edward and Bella's, were drawn to the soft, throaty moans that trickled from the middle of the yard where Charlie and Renee were lying in a heap of unconsciousness.
Bella shared a look with Edward before she tried to stand, though her knees buckled under her and he wrapped his arm around her to keep her from falling flat on her face. It was the first time since her change that she felt so . . . human.
She turned as Charlie pushed himself up onto his knees, bringing his hands up in front of him. The change between him as a human and a vampire was subtle, though she saw it immediately. There were changes in his features, which were softer, older than they had been when he was a vampire, but it was his eyes that really shook her. They had just started to turn from bright red to a honey gold, yet now, they were deep brown as they had been before she sunk her teeth into his skin and filled his bloodstream with venom.
Charlie's eyes shifted down to Renee, before he looked around at everyone, cringing away as he wrapped his arms around her, and tried to lift her off the ground and pull her away.
"Hey, hey, hey, it's okay," Bella said, lifting her hands in front of her.
But Charlie paused and looked right at her, but when he opened his mouth, the words that he spoke, crushed her. "Who are you?"
"It's me," she said, glancing at Edward who shook his head, clearing as confused as she was. "It's Bella."
"Bella?" he asked, his eyes narrowing and his lips trembling. "I'm sorry, but I don't know anyone named Bella."
Edward wrapped his arm around her as her knees buckled. He didn't know her. Her father didn't know her. How was she supposed to handle her father not knowing who she was anymore? Like sacrificing herself wasn't hard enough, now she had to live with the face that her father didn't know who she was?
"Do you know who I am?" Carlisle asked, throwing her a look of caution before he looked back at the man holding his wife in his arms.
"Never seen you before," he said, looking around at everyone. "Where are we? What's going on?"
"You were in an accident," Jacob Black lied, throwing Bella a look of sorrow and grief as he stepped away from Tanya, who reached for him but was quick to pull her hands back. "Don't you remember coming to Forks for Dad's funeral?"
"You're . . ." Charlie paused, his head tilting to the side. "You're Billy Black's boy, aren't you?"
He nodded, his lips curving into a frown. "Jacob. My name is Jacob. I called you after Dad died, called you in Phoenix, where you live with your wife, Renee."
"Phoenix," Charlie whispered, looking down at the woman in his arms with love and passion. "We moved to Phoenix?"
"Yep, a few months ago. Said you were wanting to start over, start fresh together. You only came back because of Dad. You remembered Billy, don't you?"
Slowly, Charlie nodded. "He and I have . . . had been best friends since high school. How'd he die?"
"Um, hunting accident," Jacob said, clearing his throat and looking back at Bella. "We were on the way back to Forks when you wrecked your car just up the road. Dr. Cullen came upon you, upon us, helped get us out and brought us to their house. We should get to the hospital, make sure we're okay."
"An accident?" he asked, his brow furrowing as his eyes flickered again to Bella for just the briefest, quickest moment. "I don't remember anything about a car accident."
"Which is why we should get you to the hospital," Carlisle said, putting his hands up and gesturing toward the garage. "Come on, I'll take you in. I'm a doctor. Name is Carlisle."
"Are you new in town? I've never seen you."
"Just passing through," Carlisle once again lied. "Visiting family, you see."
Renee started to stir in Charlie's arms, so he held her tighter as her eyes opened. Like Charlie, her eyes had changed back to the sky blue eyes Bella remembered.
"Charlie," Renee groaned. "What happened?"
"Um, apparently we were in a car accident."
"An accident?" Renee asked, her head lobbing to the side, her eyes landing on Bella for just the briefest of moments before she turned away. "Are you okay? Did you get hurt?"
"Must have hit my head or something, because I don't know what hell is going on right now."
"Which is even more reason to get you both to the hospital," Carlisle said, his butterscotch eyes once more shifting to Bella before he gestured toward the garage. "My car is just over here."
"Yeah, yeah, okay." Charlie looked around at each of them, his eyes landing on Bella last but they didn't stay on her as he heaved Renee further into his arms and started after Carlisle.
Jacob gave Bella a look before he followed, and she felt her knees drop from under her. That's how it was going to be for all of them, she thought. She was going to die for them, to give them a second chance at being human, to save the world, but by doing so, she would be erased from their lives. She wouldn't even be a memory.
"Sweetheart, come on," Edward whispered, wrapping his arm around her and lifting her back to her feet.
"I need to be alone," she whimpered, pulling herself out of his arms and taking a few, stumbling steps away from him.
"Bella," he murmured, reaching for her again.
"I'm sorry," she cried, the way her chest heaved as her body rocked with tearless sobs. "I'm sorry, Edward, I'm so, so sorry. I just can't be here right now."
And without giving him the chance to stop her, she turned and ran into the woods, slower than normal, but the further she got from everyone, the faster her legs moved, the easier it became to let go, to feel free again. The only problem was she would never be free again. She was going to lose everyone she loved, and they wouldn't even remember her.
—Stay—
Bella found herself standing just outside the hospital. She couldn't bring herself to actually go inside, to find herself face to face with them again just to see the emptiness inside their eyes. When she agreed to be changed, she'd only done so because it had been important to them that she live, that she have a real chance to live. And she'd changed them so they would have that same chance, but now, they . . . they were human again, they had no idea who she was, the sacrifice they had made for her, what she was prepared to do for them. It was unfair, like everything else in their lives had been lately. Her getting cancer had been unfair, them having to let her go had been unfair, and her having to give up everything was unfair.
"Thought you might come here."
Feeling her shoulders tense, she looked over her shoulder, finding Esme standing behind her. "I just . . . I just needed to be sure they're okay."
"Of course you did. They're your parents, Bella, even if they don't know it."
Bella brought her hand up to her mouth, trying to cover the way her lips trembled. "I wasn't ready yet. I wasn't ready, Esme. I need . . . I need them to hold me, to give me the strength to do this."
She felt Esme walk up next to her, her arm coming around her and pulling her against her. "Why did you hang on so long when you were human?"
"What do you mean?"
Esme smiled, though it didn't quite reach her eyes. "Why did you hang on so long, Bella, when you should have died much sooner? I may not be as knowledgeable as my husband when it comes to the medical world, but I've picked up a few things over the last hundred years, or so. I've seen your file, I've seen your scans. You should have died a year before your father came to Carlisle. Why did you hang on so long?"
Bella sighed and shook her head as she turned back to the hospital. "Because I couldn't leave them broken. They had to find their way back to each other, you know? And I guess my cancer was that way, but it was hard, because we lived in Arizona and Dad lived here. And even though he came to Arizona every other week, held me when I was so sick from chemo, or I'd wake up in the middle of the night from the most vivid nightmares, I was scared that they'd be alone if I died, so I held on. I held on, Esme, when all I wanted I wanted was the pain to end," she cried, wrapping her arms around herself and moving away from her.
"When I was given the chance to live, to really live, I said yes because at least I knew they would have each other, they would be okay. I'd resigned myself to the fact that they were going to die one day, but then I got the chance to save them for a change, and I was selfish and I took it. I changed them, telling myself it was the right thing to do, and I don't regret it, but I wasn't ready to change them back yet. I wasn't ready."
"I don't think any of us are ready," Esme admitted, causing Bella to look back at her. "I never wanted this life. None of did, really, but I was . . . Well, I don't know how much Edward has told you about my story, Bella, but I wanted to die."
"He hasn't told me much," she confessed.
"Well, I'm surprised, and appreciative that Edward didn't share my life with you, but let me do it. You see, Bella, when I was human, I was married to a horribly abusive man named Charles. He was violent and mean, and I was trapped with him. Especially after I found out he had gotten me pregnant after a rather violent night, if you catch my drift."
"I do," she whispered.
"I'd always wanted a child, so I ran away. Tried to hide. I met Carlisle at the local hospital when I'd gone in for a prenatal visit. He was so handsome and kind and gentle. I found myself coming to see him again and again and again, and every time I left him, I felt so . . . so lost."
"And alone?"
Esme smiled. "And alone. I was almost thirty weeks along when my husband found me in upstate New York. He . . . Well, you can imagine what he did to me. Carlisle found me in my apartment, bruised and bleeding, and broken, and my son was dead, Bella. Charles had killed my son, because if he couldn't have me, then even my son couldn't. Carlisle rushed me to the hospital, saved my life, or so he thought, but I didn't want to live without my son. So I jumped a bridge. I don't remember much, but I remember feeling someone pulling me out of the water. I remember pain, so much pain. Burning, like body was on fire, and I thought this was what death felt like, and I thought about my son, and how this is how he must have felt in the end of his short life.
"And then suddenly the pain stopped, and I woke up and found myself trapped in world where I couldn't properly grieve my son. Carlisle loved me enough to give me a second chance to exist, and I fell in love with him, eventually, but a part of me has always wished he had loved me enough to let me go."
"Well, now you and Carlisle will have a second chance to live," Bella said, wrapping her arms around herself as she turned back to the hospital. "You'll get everything you've ever wanted, Esme, and I will cease to exist. It will be like . . . like I was never born." She looked over at her. "But you'll get to live, so yay you."
Bella turned and walked away from the hospital, toward town. She didn't stop until she found herself once more standing outside of the local high school. Even though the sky was dark and murky with heavy clouds threatening to unleash the moisture trapped inside like teardrops from the heavens, Bella wondered what it would have been like to walk into that school as one of the human children. Would she have been liked? Popular? Would she have founded herself blending in as a wallflower, shying away from attention?
"Oh, um, hey."
Bella turned and looked behind her, finding Angela standing there again. She had her backpack slung up on her shoulder, her hair pulled back in a messy ponytail and her eyes were red like she had spent the last few hours crying, something that sat uneasily with Bella. Who had made this fragile little human girl cry? And why did Bella feel the urge to make her feel better?
"Bella, right?" Angela asked, trying to smile. "Your name is Bella?"
"Yeah, and you're Angela."
"I am." She bit her lip before she looked away. "I didn't think I'd see you again."
Bella nodded, unsure what to say.
"Sorry," Angela whispered, shifting her weight from one foot to the other. "I didn't mean to bother you. I'll just . . ."
Angela gestured toward the school and took a few steps to cross the road, but stopped when Bella said, "It's kind of early for school, isn't it?"
She turned, her eyes drifting to the ground. "Yeah, I, um, I thought it would take me longer to walk here, I guess, than it did." Angela lifted her gaze to Bella. "I kind of got into a fight with my parents."
"Oh?"
She nodded, biting the inside of her lip again as she looked back toward the school. "They don't like my boyfriend. Well, it's not really him they don't like. They just feel we're too young to be so serious, but I love him, Bella, I love him so much."
"Tell me about him," she suggested.
Angela smiled, a real, genuine smile that made her eyes sparkle. "His name is Ben, and he's . . . He's prefect. Kind of nerdy, but nerdy is kind of the new hot, you know?"
Bella laughed. "So I've heard. He treats you good, doesn't pressure you for more than you're ready for?"
"Of course he doesn't," she muttered, her cheeks flushing red as she blushed. "He barley holds my hand unless we are in private. He's sweet and kind and, well, I love him. I'm so in love with him, but my parents feel that at sixteen, I'm too young to be so serious about anyone. We got into a huge fight, and well, my dad called me naïve, said I was acting like a silly little girl. I just . . . I don't know, Bella, I couldn't stay there, so I started walking to school, and here I am." She brought her hand up to her chest, toying with the heart shaped necklace around her neck, and she suspected it was a gift from Ben, and that's what prompted her parents concern. "I don't know why I'm telling you this. You must think I'm stupid."
"No, I don't."
"I just . . . My dad's not the kind of dad who talks to me like that, and to hear him call me naive just because I have a boyfriend really hurt."
Bella nodded, tilting her head to the side. "I would imagine he's terrified to lose you."
"Lose me?" Angela asked, her forehead crinkling in confusion. "Why would he lose me just because I have a boyfriend?"
"He wouldn't, but I guess if I had to put myself in his shoes, and I had everything I ever wanted, everything I never thought I wanted, and suddenly there was someone trying to take it away from me, I would be a little heartbroken, too. I might even lash out at someone I loved more than I've ever loved anyone." Bella inhaled a sharp breath, her hand coming up to her chest. "I just recently lost my parents, Angela, and I . . . I would everything I have to have one more moment, just one more, where I could assure them that no matter what happened, I would always be their little girl."
"Guess I hadn't really thought about it like that," Angela murmured, once more shifting uncomfortably in front of her. "I'm sorry about your parents."
"Thank you." Bella took a couple steps back. "I'd better be going, just . . . just think about what I told you, okay? Any maybe remind your dad that no matter how much Ben loves you, you will always be his little girl. Dads are important, Angela."
"I will." She paused before saying, "Will I see you again?"
"Probably not," she admitted. "I, um, I kind of have to move on, I think."
"Oh," she whispered, biting the inside of her lip. "Well, best of luck wherever the wind takes you, I guess. And thanks for the advice."
"You're welcome."
Bella turned and started walking back toward the woods that would take her to the house, and when she looked back, she saw Angela still watching her. She gave her a subtle wave before she turned and hurried across the street toward the school just before a small, grey Toyota Camry pulled into the parking lot. Bella watched as Angela dropped her backpack and hurried over as the boy with the thick black glasses climbed out. They wrapped their arms around each other, their lips meeting for the briefest of seconds before separating, and Bella saw the love between the two humans.
—Stay—
By the time Bella made it back to the house, it had started raining. She broke through the trees and found Edward standing in the yard. They stared at each other for a minute before they started walking toward one another, each of them bringing their hands up to the others faces.
I love you.
He smiled. I love you more, sweetheart.
Have you heard from him?
Edward shook his head.
"I wasn't ready, Edward. I wasn't ready to lose them yet."
"None of us were," he replied, stroking her cheek with the pad of his thumb. "We're meeting the wolves at the treaty line in a few hours. Are you up to it?"
"Doesn't really matter, does it?"
But before Edward could reply, they turned as they heard a car turn onto the road and a moment later, they saw Carlisle's black Mercedes appear. He stopped just outside of the garage and he and Jacob climbed out. Bella threw Edward a look before she turned and started walking toward them, meeting them halfway.
"Are they okay?" she asked.
"They seem perfectly fine, and perfectly human," Carlisle replied. "I ran several scans and X-rays, just to sell the car accident lie, but they're healthy, and by the time we left, they had all but forgotten even being here this morning."
"Forgotten me, you mean."
"I'm afraid so." Carlisle frowned. "They were heading back to Seattle to catch a flight back to Phoenix when they left the hospital."
"I guess that's . . . I guess that's good. I don't . . . I don't know."
And leaving them standing there, Bella leapt up to the balcony leading into hers and Edward's bedroom, falling onto her knees, and crawling into the corner and throwing her shield up, blocking out the noise of everyone around her, and though the tears didn't fall, her body shook with sobs as she wept, grieving the loss of her parents.
Thank you for all the AMAZING reviews! I bawled like a two year old while writing this chapter. The hard parts are coming, but I PROMISE there is a HEA to this story, even if you don't think there is going to be one.