Rayla's mind was strangely calm given all that had just happened. Perhaps she was still in today's-the-day-I-die mode. Either way, the ride on the Queen's back was… peaceful. The cold wind was refreshing, although Ezran was bundled up against it. And the moon shone so brightly above her she could almost taste the sweet energy of it seeping into her muscles. She was awake, and content, and happy, and alive, and the people she loved were sleeping safe and sound next to her.

She looked around her. Ezran gripping Bait and Zym tightly, the queen's deep and vibrant magic reverberating beneath the wide, thick scales they were all sitting on. And Callum, sweet, sweet Callum, her literal lifesaver. She felt her heart swell looking at his hunched form. The idiot just couldn't sleep like a normal human, could he? Funny, a month ago she wouldn't have even known how humans slept. Maybe she'd've thought they slept in coffins like a vampire. Or maybe in a cave, like a spider or a dragon. She chuckled. Oh, the things she could tell her younger self. And to think she'd almost killed Callum when they'd first met!

Wait. Was he… shaking?

Rayla crawled to her feet, feeling the rhythmic wingbeats beneath her feet for a moment before daring to sneak forward. As soon as she slipped past the last massive spike seperating them, a new sound hit her ears. It hurt.

Callum was… not sobbing, necessarily. His eyes, pressed shut tight, were dry. But the way he had his arms wrapped around his waist tight, hunched over himself, struggling to breathe… Rayla almost thought he'd been stabbed or something. But this… no, this felt more like…

"Breathe, Callum, breathe!"

Oh. It was a… what did they call it? A panic attack. The way Callum had described them, it was terrifying. Complete loss of of control, swirling mind, clenching chest— Ah, that's definitely what was going on. Her heart went out to him.

Maybe… I can help?

Rayla didn't do feelings. But Callum had been there for her plenty of times, and she wanted to do her best to repay him. So, she took a deep breath and crept over. "Callum." She whispered.

He didn't respond. Moon above, he looked awful. Had he slept at all? Hesitantly, she reached out to press a hand to his shoulder. The lightest touch had him bolting upright, scorching back so far he almost fell off the dragon. Rayla felt a panic of her own as she grabbed his arm and heaved him back up to safety. Then she let him go. "Callum, it's me, it's OK."

"R-Rayla?" Moon… he sounded so broken. So… weak. It wasn't something she was used to. And it scared her. Psh. Look at what he's going through, and I'm scared.

"Hey, Callum. Are… are you OK?"

His hands slowly unwound from his waist, and trembling they rubbed his face. "Not— not really." He managed.

Rayla was at a bit of a loss for words. What would Callum say to me if I felt like that? Gently she laid a hand on his arm. "You wanna talk about it? Do your— Ah, what is it—"

"The big feelings talk?" Callum let out a breathy laugh, clenching at his chest. The smile was gone as soon as it had come. "Yeah, I don't think that would help much here."

"Why not?"

Callum shrugged helplessly, wincing and breathing even a little heavier. It was like he kept trying to pull himself together, and then just… giving up. He was trying so hard to be strong, but then there was that little insidious part that just wants to hide and be loved and feel. Rayla knew exactly what he was going through, just not at… not at that level.

He was speaking. "I'll be…" He took a massive breath and let it out. "I'll be fine. Just go back to sleep."

Stupid, heroic, idiot boy. Rylla couldn't help but roll her eyes. "I'm not sleeping tonight anyway. It's full moon tonight."

Callum had faded out again. She grabbed him by both arms, bending down so Callum had to look into her eyes. "Callum. Talk to me."

Something cracked, some deep dam inside him, and he finally looked into her eyes. It took everything in her not to look away. There was so much pain, so much emotion, so much fear. But Rayla forced herself to let it in, to make it hers. "I'm sorry—" He choked out. "I— I just— I— I—"

"It's OK, Callum." Rayla pushed past his stuttering. Her hands slid down to his. They were shaking. "Just— just come here."

The cube. The magic cube, the one that sensed primal energy? It had rolled out of his bag and was sitting between two rushes scales behind them. And the air sign was barely lit, flickering madly. He's losing touch.

She pulled him close, shifting so he could lean back against her chest. She stroked his palms in even movements, trying to bleed as much warmth and comfort and peace into him as possible. He turned, just a little, melting into her embrace, and then— there it was— a little sniffle broke the silence. After that, the dam was broken. Great, wretched sobs tore from his throat, and Rayla held him tighter with each one, moving a hand up to stroke his back, or adjust his scarf so it didn't get his tears all over it. Every moment was almost mechanical, detached, but that was only because she was trying not to cry herself. What felt like hours passed, just listening to him sob and heave— at one point he almost threw up and had to careen away from her arms— but she moved with him, arms reaching around his back to clasp at his middle. For as long as it took, she was melted into him.

Eventually the agony grew too much to bear. Callum looked up at her with pain-filled, glassy red eyes, desperately whispering three words. "Help… help me. Please."

Rayla gasped, grabbing both his hands again and pressing her forehead to his, moving his hands to her middle. "You feel this?" She whispered, taking a deep, deep breath of cool mountain air. "Breathe, Callum. Just breathe."

"I— I don't know what's wrong with me." He gasped, gripping at his chest. "I haven't been like this since—"

Rayla's hands pulled his back to her center. Calm. "What was it you once said to me?" A small smile flitted across her lips. "It don't matter if you're crying, I'm here with you." She liked that. Not here for you. Just… there. Existing. Able to help if needed. Choosing to go through it with you. And that was exactly what she was trying to do. (What she'd wanted people to do for her for years and never known it, until Callum had shown her.)

He copied her little smile, although it was hollow. "Yeah, I— I guess I… I guess I did say that."

"So come on, Callum." She half-begged, half-demanded. He was making her so soft, good moon above. "Just breathe with me. In. Out. In. Out." Slowly she breathed until he copied her movements, and for a while everything was silent except for the little gasps and shakes he would make whenever his chest constricted particularly badly. Minutes passed. Finally, Rayla brought them full circle.

"Do you… do you want'a talk about it now?" She asked. "If'ya don't want to, it's fine. I'm not much of'a talker myself, anyway, y'know, but—"

"Yeah— yeah, I wanna talk about it." Callum shook his hands out, sitting back a bit as if he'd just realized how close they were. Rayla rolled her eyes, holding back a stood-natured scoff.

Moments passed. Callum eventually combed a hand through his hair, took a shaky breath, and said one simple sentence. "I almost lost you, Rayla."

She didn't reply, but she was sure her face was doing all sorts of stupid sappy things. Of course the battle scared him. Sure enough, he continued, finding a little more strength as he voiced the pain in his chest. "I almost lost you, and Ezran, and Soren, and my aunt, and… well, I still hope Claudia's OK, wherever she is."

Jealousy— was she seriously feeling jealousy right now, of all things?— pricked at her skin like sunbeams. But this, she reminded herself, was one of the many parts of Callum she loved. Loved. What a word. He was so empathetic, and raw, and genuine, and open and caring… it was hard to not feel like a better person in his presence. She was beginning to really think the elves were doing it wrong with their faux bravery and denial of perfectly reasonable fear. Wasn't it better to hold hands with someone and face your fear than to hide from it and pretend you were something you weren't?

Now it was something akin to guilt that flashed across her skin. These were the important questions he (and humans in general) we're forcing her to ask. Also the ones she was avoiding. Because there were far more important ones being asked right in front of her… and because she was terrified of what answering them might mean.

"Rayla, what would I have done if…?"

Yeah. That was a way more important question. "Callum, yah wonderful, daft, adoraburr of an idiot, THAT DOES NOT MATTER."

His face of shock was almost enough to make her laugh out loud. "What?"

"I am not dead." She socked him in the shoulder. "See?"

He yelped. "Yep! Yep, I see that! Thank you very much!"

Rayla laughed. "And Ezran is very much not dead, although I think Zym might be by the end of the trip. He's bein' squished t' death!"

Callum's face changed, and for a moment Rayla thought she'd made some sort of horrific mistake with her stupid words, but then she realized he was laughing. Laughing, like, really hard, tears streaming down his face. Rayla turned back around— Bait was trying to get snuggled in between them, but every time Zym or Ezran moved, he got punted to the other side of the dragon. They watched the trio's antics for a few more minutes before Rayla whispered, "I kinda feel bad for the little guy."

"I know, right?" Callum held out his arms and Bait crawled over to them, stealing Rayla's hood and Callum's scarf to make himself a little nest in Callum's lap. Callum offered him a belly rub, which the frog (no, glow toad, Rayla reprimanded herself) gleefully accepted. He (Callum, not the toad) let out a little relieved sigh, expelling all the remaining pressure from his lungs, and— Rayla's stupid brain decided to freeze— plopped over right on top of her. "Moon above, I'm tired." Callum practically whined. His weakness had no right to be so cute.

"You used one of my curses." Rayla noticed, scrunching her hands into his floofy hair. Callum looked up at her, a goofy smile lolling across his face. "Did I?" Rayla hummed in response. "Well, I guess watching your whole carefully constructed worldview end right before your eyes a couple hundred times a day'll do that to ya."

Rayla felt her own chest tighten a little at his offhand comment, but she waved her concern off. If he wanted to be done, they could be done. Instead she simply said, "We need a vacation."

"No kidding," Callum yawned, settling deeper into her legs. "Maybe somewhere nice and warm, somewhere in Xadia so you can prank me to your heart's content, and so I can freak out over dirt some more."

Rayla laughed, absentmindedly beginning to braid some of the longer hairs to the side of his head. "You need a haircut."

Callum hummed.

The stars shone.

"Hey, you know I can usually manage, right?" Callum suddenly asked. Rayla was a little thrown by the change of conversation, but the lull of peace that had settled over them wasn't quite gone. "Uh, yeah?" She replied, tying off the braid with a little strip of moonsilver cloth and starting another one. He shivered slightly under her fingertips and she huffed.

"I mean, I know how to calm myself down when I have a panic attack." Callum continued, shifting a little, weight still (was she going to admit how comforting it was? Nah, not quite yet) resting across her body. "Usually I can get a hold of my breathing, calm down, meditate, do something like that." So that's how he knows how to meditate. Rayla suddenly realized something else. Her fingers paused. "Wait, when you have panic attacks? I thought you… ah, did you say 'grew out of 'em'? That feels weirdly insensitive."

Callum huffed, crossing his legs. "Oh, the assassin elf who goes out of her way to insult me suddenly fears insensitivity. Nah, it's fine, that's exactly what I said. I guess I just learned how to have a better control of them. You don't ever really grow out of it, you just learn to either control it or hide it."

Rayla didn't understand how he could feel like that and still be fine. Begrudgingly, she had to admit he was stronger than he let on. Maybe his kind of vulnerability isn't weakness. He'd been on the verge of hysteria mere minutes ago, and now he was talking like he hadn't had one in years. Rayla took a deep breath, trying not to move too much. "This… is normal for you?"

Callum's eyes went as wide as saucers and he shook his head violently, floppy bangs smacking her in the face. "No— no no no no! That's not at all what I meant!" This time he took a massive breath, so deep Rayla was surprised his lungs didn't burst right then and there. Then he settled back. "Ok, do you wanna know what…" His hands swirled around his stomach and chest like a storm. "…this feels like?"

Rayla nodded.

Callum blinked, taken aback. "What? You didn't think I'd say yes?" Rayla demanded, half-joking. "Here, I'll say it again: yep, yeah, yes, in draconic, sic. Your brain is interesting."

Callum blinked again. "Yeah," He began slowly. "This is normal. Talking about this. Particular feeling. Mhm." He cleared his throat. Rayla waited; not very patiently. What about them was normal, after all?

If this is the outside of him, how messy is the inside?! She thought it was great. If only it didn't cause him so much pain.

Callum finally spoke. "It's different depending on how— bad? It is? I guess? I don't really think of it like that, but yeah, I guess there are worse days than others. Sometimes it's just this weird sense of wrong, like something's a little off or uncomfy, but you can't quite figure out what." He rolled his shoulders. "And then sometimes it's like you ate too many sweets before breakfast, or sometimes it's like a little primal ball sitting in the middle of chest." He made little zappy movements with his hands. "It's always something, like a little buddy going "Hey, you, don't forget about me! I'm gonna annoy you!" Callum laughed, and to Rayla's surprise it was genuine. She couldn't help but smile along.

Her hand found his and she squeezed tight. The storm in his eyes cleared, and the tension in his shoulders released. For just a second, he looked almost as at peace as he did when he was asleep. (They'd been on the road for a month now, of course she knew what he looked like when he was sleeping.) They looked almost like a little, weird family, with Callum in her lap and Bait in his lap. Maybe it was the late hour, but a flush of warmth flooded Rayla's senses. Suddenly every fear, struggle, every little prick that threatened to make her well-formed defenses crumble were all worth it. Anything was worth it. Just yesterday, she'd been fully prepared to give her life for this, and she'd do it all again.

A giggle bubbled up out of her chest. "Callum, do you realize how crazy this is?!" She gasped, unable to quell the chuckles. "We're a human and an elf riding on the back of the Queen of Dragons with a frog, the Dragon Prince, and the King of Katolis. It's— it's so weird! We're like a— a family!"

A grin broke out over Callum's face and he, too, let out a little laugh. "I know, right? I'd you'd told me a month ago that my brother would be king and I'd ride a dragon and freaking kiss an elf—"

"You thought I drank blood!" Rayla laughed. "I mean, seriously, how dumb are you humans?!"

"Rayla."

"What?!"

"You're ruining the moment."

"Sorry."

"You're not sorry."

"Nope."

"You should be."

"Why?"

The goofy smile was back on his face. He leaned forward, eyes sparkling with mischief as if he were telling a great secret. "Because us!"

"Ah, yes." Rayla fought back a grin, rubbing at his head with her knuckles. Callum yelped and squirmed. "The first elf-human relation in 500 years! We're the best!"

"Will you love birds shut up?!" Soren groaned, sitting up. His hair stuck up over his head like a seagull. "We're almost home."

Home.

Rayla honestly thought home was wherever Callum was.

A/N: This is my personal coping mechanism for what Season Four brought us. Also Season Five is FLIPPING EPIC?! NO SPOILERS BUT. WOW. This fic is set right after the Big Battle btw.

God Bless!

-Grace