Harry and Pansy had been sent to Dumbledore's office after they had been paired off in Charms class and ended up having a huge argument.
"Now, now, children," said Dumbledore, his eyes twinkling behind his half moon spectacles. "That's no way to talk about each other. The Houses are supposed to celebrate each other's differences, and learn from each other. It's not a reason for hatred and bullying."
Pansy rolled her eyes at her headmaster's comment. Harry just said, "With all due respect, Professor, it's not the Slytherin house I refuse to work with - it's only Pansy."
"Hey!" she exclaimed, indignant. "But, for once," she said turning her attention back to Dumbledore, "I agree with Potter. I don't want to work with him."
"Oh, you shall have to learn to, miss Parkinson," said Dumbledore, smiling mildly. "Both of you shall. Perhaps if you sleep on it you'll feel better. Now, off you go to dinner."
.
The next morning...
Malfoy smiled and mumbled something sleepily and reached out to kiss his girlfriend.
Harry woke up in a panic and kicked Malfoy off him. The other boys looked on as he shouted and got up from the bed. Apparently he was naked. The boys saw his breasts before Harry quickly covered them up.
"What the hell?"
"Hey! Take your sodding eyes off her," Malfoy yelled and pointed his wand at his dorm mates. "Pansy, come back here and get dressed. What do you think you're doing showing your tits to my friends!"
"Fuck off Malfoy!" Harry yelled as he stumbles out of the dorm, grabbing a dressing gowns as he went, thinking this had to be some sort of twisted joke or nightmare.
Malfoy ran after him into the common room.
"If you're going to be my girl you'll listen to me!"
Harry turned around at once, provoked. "Girl? Who are you calling a girl, Malfoy?" Harry yelled as he jumped on Malfoy, hitting every part of his body that he could reach. The boys followed them quietly, not wanting to miss the show.
"Ouch! What the bloody hell is wrong with you?" Malfoy yelled in a high pitched voice, shielding himself with his arms.
"Stop accusing me of being gay! I'm not," cried Harry, earning them very confused looks from Nott, Zabini, Crabbe and Goyle. Malfoy grabbed his arms and held him steady.
"What's wrong with you Pansy? I've never said that you're gay!" He looked angry and confused.
"Why are you calling me Pansy? I'm Harry Potter!" Harry screamed, moving out of Malfoy's grip. Zabini laughed nervously and Malfoy was staring at him, looking terrified.
Harry was panting, looking at Malfoy, and Malfoy's face turned amused. "Very funny, Pans. Enough now!"
"Stop what?! Malfoy, seriously, you need to-" Harry shouted, but Malfoy interrupted.
"Don't shout at me, Pansy," he said coldly, and began turning away.
"Don't tell me what to do!" Harry roared and ran out of the Slytherin common room. Malfoy must be out of his mind, he thought. Why did he keep calling him Pansy? And why had Harry woken up with Malfoy's arms around him, in Malfoy's bed? He needed to take a shower straight away.
When he got to the bathroom he caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror and screamed. Pansy Parkinson's face was staring back at him.
.
"Oh, miss Parkinson, mr Potter," said Dumbledore cheerfully when they, both of them panting and furious, were let into his office. "Fancy seeing you here this morning."
"You swapped us!" yelled Pansy, in Harry's body. "You swapped our bodies!"
"Oh, yes indeed, it seems as though I did," smiled Dumbledore.
"Professor, please, you can't do this to us!" said Harry, more polite than Pansy.
"To the contrary," said Dumbledore calmly, "I think it might be a valuable lesson to both of you. You will automatically switch back when you have learnt to respect each other."
They both gaped at him.
.
"I can't be in your body... This is awful," Pansy groaned as she walked over to a desk in an abandoned classroom on the fourth floor, sat down on it and hid her face in her hands. "I don't want to be a stupid Bloodtraitor."
"I don't want to be Malfoy's girlfriend," said Harry, disgust in his voice.
"Oi," said Pansy indignantly, "There's nothing wrong with being his girlfriend."
"He yelled at you for exposing your breasts in front of his friends this morning!"
"WHAT?!"
"Yes, he's horrible isn't he!" said Harry, nodding vigorously.
"You what?!" screamed Pansy, getting to her feet. "You did what this morning in front of the boys?!"
"Well I didn't know you slept topless. I woke up in shock, finding Malfoy there snuggling me." Harry made a grimace as if he wanted to vomit. "I kicked him and ran from the bed!"
"I'LL BLOODY KILL YOU POTTER!"
She jumped at him and punched every part of him he could reach. Harry cried out in pain, "Oi! Stop it! How was I supposed to know-"
"It's common sense!"
"I didn't know I was in your body, nor that I was in Malfoy's dorm!"
"That's MY body! That you're showing off to everyone!"
"I'm sorry!"
Pansy didn't want to damage her own body and she was stronger now that she was in Potter's body so she stopped hitting him, also she thought she heard something.
"Shush!" she hissed instantly. Harry looked confused.
"Hello?" came a voice from outside. Pansy stared at Harry.
"Oh my goodness, it's Draco!" said Pansy.
"Hide! I'll pretend to be you."
Pansy hurried to hide behind one of the desks, and it was good that she did because suddenly the door flew open, and there stood Draco Malfoy.
"Draco!" Harry exclaimed in what he hoped was a good Pansy imitation.
"I thought I heard you scream." Malfoy was frowning suspiciously around the room.
"Oh, no, I was just..." Harry looked around, inventing wildly. "Practicing spells."
Malfoy sent him a weird look. "...Right." He then turned to look at Harry carefully.
"You were acting mental this morning," Malfoy said.
Harry hesitated, but put on his best smile. "I'm sorry. I was just so... tired."
Malfoy raised one eyebrow sceptically. "Are you going to explain what that was?"
"What? Uh... Yes! I think I kind of..." Harry started, but trailed off. He was racking his brain.
"Yes?" said Malfoy coldly.
"I was... sleepwalking," Harry finished lamely.
"You were sleepwalking?" Malfoy repeated, not convinced.
"Yep," said Harry quickly. "Talking in my sleep." He nodded. "I was dreaming, thinking I was Harry Potter. Silly me!" He laughed nervously.
"You dreamt that you were Harry Potter?" Malfoy said incredulously, his eyebrow still raised.
Harry nodded, and just as he thought he had gotten away with it, he could hear someone moving. Pansy.
She got to her feet so she wasn't hid by the desk anymore, in Harry's body. Malfoy jumped, and pulled out his wand.
"Potter!" he snarled. "What- what are you doing with my girlfriend?"
Pansy knew how bad it must look, her and Potter alone in a dark, abandoned class room.
Harry swore and out of habit, replied, "I'm not doing anything!"
"I wasn't talking to you Pansy!" snapped Draco, still looking at who he thought was Harry.
"Draco, I'm Pansy!" Pansy exclaimed, moving towards Draco.
Draco backed off, looking disgusted. "What are you doing Potter, get away from me!"
Harry grabbed Pansy's arm and hissed, "Parkinson, just act normal, you're making a fool of me."
"Now what is that?!" said Draco, indicating to what to him looked like Pansy touching Potter's arm. He looked confused and frightened. "Pansy, why are you calling him your own name? What is going on here?" He addressed Potter, who he thought was Pansy.
Pansy gave a dry sob in Harry's body, and Harry groaned. She was making him look a right mess.
"Draco, you have to believe me," said Pansy in a whine, "I'm Pansy! Dumbledore-"
"What is he on about?" said Draco, turning to Harry. "Pansy! Talk to me, why are you acting so weird!"
"She's the one acting weird, you ferret!" Harry said coldly. "She's your girlfriend, not me."
"ARE YOU MENTAL?" yelled Draco, stepping back. "What are you talking about? Potter's not my sodding girlfriend!"
"I'm your girlfriend Draco!" sobbed Pansy. "I'm Pansy! I'm not Potter!"
"It's true. I'm Harry," Harry said slowly.
"Are you drunk?!" said Draco, turning to Harry. "Or just mental?" Then he turned to Pansy. "Now Potter, get the hell out of here so I can talk to my girlfriend!"
"But I'm not Potter," she cried, "He is!"
"Potter shut up!" Draco yelled at Pansy. "You're acting like a mental little girl. Get out of here!" and he pulled out his wand and pointed it at his girlfriend. Pansy gasped.
Harry pulled out his wand too, quickly, and pointed it at Malfoy.
"Put your wand down, Malfoy!" said Harry. "I can't let you harm my body."
"Your body?" Malfoy spat.
"I don't care about your body, Potter!" Pansy shouted. "In fact, Draco, why don't you hex me with some horrible-"
"Shut up Pansy!" Harry yelled at her.
"Don't tell me what to do, you Bloodtraitor!" Pansy yelled back, inbetween tears.
"Shut up, and stop crying!" Harry said, his patience gone.
"No you shut up Potter! I fucking hate being in your stupid body!"
"Well the feeling is mutual Parkinson! I can't wait to be out of your body!"
"Well that's never going to happen, because I'll never respect you!" screamed Pansy.
Malfoy looked between the two of them, gobsmacked and like they were both mental.
Harry gave a frustrated roar, and he pulled out his wand again and conjured up pumpkin pasties, crisps and sweets seemingly out of thin air. He started eating it all, quickly.
Pansy ran up to him. "Stop it! What the hell are you doing?"
"I'm making you fat!" Harry said through thick mouthfuls. Pansy punched him hard in the stomach, and then pulled back and started pulling down her trousers.
"What are you doing?" Harry yelled.
"Watch me!" Pansy shouted and Harry jumped at her to force her to keep the trousers on. The last thing he wanted was for Malfoy to see his private parts. "I'm going to show the whole school!"
"Pansy leave it out! You don't want to mess with me!"
"Maybe I do! I'm in your body, I'm bigger than you are right now!"
They kept struggling and Malfoy was just staring at them.
"I don't want to be trapped as Pansy Parkinson for the rest of my life!" Harry yelled. "Fighting Voldemort and seeing people I love die is nothing compared to being you!"
"How dare you talk to me like that? You've got nothing to complain about! At least you're not stuck as some goody two shoes Gryffindor Bloodtraitor! I want my body back, I don't want to be a stupid Gryffindork, hanging out with stupid Mudbloods and stupid Weasleys! Your body disgusts me, Potter!"
"Well, you know what," said Harry, "waking up next to a half naked Malfoy disgusts me! Seeing his filthy Death Eater arms around me makes me want to throw up! I don't want to be Malfoy's bitch for the rest of my life."
He knew he'd crossed a line, and he regretted it as soon as he said it.
Finally, Malfoy seemed to wake up from his trance. "Oi! You're... she's... not my bitch!" he was now staring angrily at Harry, in Pansy's body.
Harry and Pansy were both gasping to catch their breaths.
"Thanks, Draco," said Pansy, with a cold look at Harry.
"I can't look at you," said Draco to Pansy and sat down crossly. "It's disgusting that my girlfriend looks like Potter."
Pansy's (technically Harry's) eyes welled up with tears again. She turned to Harry. "See, he can't even look at me because I look like you. My own boyfriend can't even look at me. I don't want him to look at you."
Malfoy gasped. "That's right! I can't look at... I can't look at the person that looks like Pansy. Because then I'll actually be looking at Potter. Oh my God." He sighed and turned away again, uncomfortable.
"I don't care about your problems!" Harry said loudly. "I've got problems of my own you know! How can I get it going with Ginny if I look like Pansy Parkinson?"
Pansy just looked at him quietly.
"It pains me to say it," Harry continued, softer now. "But I think we need to cooperate if we want our bodies back."
Pansy sighed. "I think we do." She crossed her arms. "So what do we do?"
Harry shrugged. "We act normal. We play each other."
Pansy nodded. "Then, if it's going to look believable, we've got to get to know each other."
"I suppose," said Harry. He knew she didn't want it any more than he did. He didn't want to reveal anything about himself to Pansy Parkinson, but it seemed he had no choice.
"So..." said Pansy. "Let's start. Favourite colour?"