Charles looked different, when Erik saw him he didn't recognize him immediately. This Charles in front of him made him think of death, it was as if the being watching him was the corpse of whatever he once had. Because he had it. The memories of that happy young man with hopeful eyes were that, just memories. What Erik saw in front of him, was a man with glassy and hateful eyes, a man with long greasy hair. God! When was the last time Charles looked in a mirror? He had dark circles under his eyes, his beard grew, Didn't Charles tell him that he found beards to be unhygienic? The more he stared at Charles, the less he recognized him.
After the shouting match, trying to talk about a past out of reach for the both of them and Charles deciding to go and cry away from him (Yes, Erik knows he made Charles cry) Erik stayed put, not even acknowledging Logan. He knows Logan was sort of right, but Erik has no time to feel sorry, specifically for someone like Charles. He thinks Charles already spends a lot of time feeling sorry for himself, Drugging himself so he could walk? That isn't the Charles he fell… Charles was wasting away his life instead of helping his mutant brothers and sisters, that's what he was doing. Erik can't feel sorry or love for someone like that.
Erik is so certain that Charles wants to be a human that he begins to treat him like one, and if he hates one thing more than the state Charles is currently in, is seeing him as something less than a mutant. Weak, angry, wasting his precious power, throwing his dream of helping other mutants away. No one would believe that the graduated Doctor Charles Xavier and this guy are the same person. When Erik left… No! When Charles chose humans instead of mutants on that beach in Cuba; Erik thought Charles would be okay. Yes, he didn't stay long enough to know about his legs, and yes, he learned that thanks to Emma and her sarcastic remarks, but he knew Charles wasn't the type to dwell on something like that, not when he had his mutation. Not even if Erik wasn't there.
Charles walked in front of him, ignoring him, maybe he did hurt Charles. Erik knows he is hurt too, but he also knows his pain is necessary sometimes for the greater good. Charles was going back straight to the cockpit, and Erik noticed the bottle and the glass. It seemed getting high on whatever wasn't the only thing he did. When they were looking for mutants ten years ago, Charles told him about his life with his mother. Erik knew Sharon wasn't that bad as a mom, but she had alcohol always nearby, leaving her son to his own devices, was Charles following the same steps as his mom? Why would he throw his life away like that? Hank at least had the decency to be sober while trying to be human. Charles has become a sorry excuse of a mutant or human being as if whatever Charles was looking for was at the bottom of a long and bitter taste of alcohol.
Erik had a lot of time to think of Charles when he was in prison. He remembered him so innocent, Charles was an inspiring person, his speeches were always on point, his words were delightful and his actions were always correct. Charles was good, someone with a good heart, someone who risked himself to save others, Charles saved him from drowning! What happened to that man? Who broke Charles to the point of turning him into a broken shell of what he once was?
He also remembers when Charles helped him control his power. Charles was the kind of person you could be open with and there would be no fear or judgment, the trust he inspired in others was one of the many reasons why Erik lo… Admired Charles. But now his somber face and lost glance only inspired anguish, fear, and hate. Erik would give anything to turn back time and keep that fucking needle away from Charles.
Because that serum was Charles's problem. Not whatever he implied with his excuse of doing it because he couldn't sleep, yeah, sure. Alcohol was Charles's problem, not whatever he tried to forget while drinking it. Maybe that's the reason why Erik has the chessboard already set to play with Charles. To convince him that he is the only problem, not his spine, not the war, and most importantly, not what happened in Cuba. Definitely not what happened in Cuba.
Erik pretended not to see the way he harshly finished his drink, at least he accepted the game. During the night they talked about nothing in particular, they laughed a little and for just a second, he could see the old Charles there, with him. That got him a little sentimental, What happened to those young mutants that wanted to make the world a better place for them? Maybe he should stay with Charles. But he knows Charles would never want to finish all of their problems, not if he has to damage someone else to do it. Charles will always choose his own suffering over someone else's.
Charles is sleeping now, and Erik is still awake. Erik knows he won't stay and he knows that will hurt Charles, it hurts him too. Erik will always cut short his dreams and hurt the ones he loves the most before abandoning his mutant brothers. Charles was always one of those blessed with lucky sevens, someone whose voice made people cry, Charles was one of those people the world just doesn't deserve.
But that was before his hope and innocence were lost on a beach in Cuba. Because Erik had to accept the truth, at least to himself.
The serum was not the problem, it was the bullet he sent straight to Charles's spine.
The alcohol was not the problem, it was the way he broke Charles's heart.
Erik abandoning him was Charles's problem. Charles still loving Erik and hoping he would come back to him was the problem.
Charles doesn't deserve this and Erik knows he doesn't deserve Charles in his life. But Charles loves him and he can't deny he still loves Charles. It's a shame he has to abandon Charles again.