The date is July 27, 2023. It's Seniors' Day at Freddy Fazbear's Mega Pizzaplex, and all is well.
What's that I hear you think? Vanny? Burntrap? Security Breach? You silly billy. In this world, Gregory's visit to the Pizzaplex went much, much different. It was an adventure fraught with peril, absurdity, and the resurrected dead. What it did not involve was destroying the Glamrock animatronics and burning down the 'plex.
But this story is not about what happened then. We're talking about the present.
For Seniors' Day, elderly citizens can enjoy the festivities of your average birthday celebration, at a discount. Free if they bring grandchildren, even—but the kids still have to be paid for.
One such elderly citizen is a man from the swamps of Louisiana, arrived here by circumstances that line up with the aforementioned absurdity of past events, Joe Baker. He came here for the discount on already-cheap food, but decided he might as well see what the main event is all about. Thus, he sits in the audience as Freddy and Friends perform for an audience of all ages, his eyes locked on that robot alligator playing the bass—Monty.
"Welcome, everyone! I hope you enjoyed our opening act!" Freddy Fazbear says to the crowd. "As usual, for our second song of the evening we'll now take a suggestion from the audience!"
Monty then steps forward. "How 'bout you?" he asks, pointing a clawed finger into the audience—at Joe. Joe sits in dumbfounded silence, eyes wide and mouth slack, utterly flabbergasted. Bamboozled, even.
"What do you wanna hear?"
Joe stands up, and the gator holds down a microphone. He's not an idiot. He knows he's supposed to request a song...but he is a man of instinct, so instead of a song request, he says the first thing that comes to mind.
The moment he opens his mouth, the rest of the audience gets uneasy.
"Y'know, this whole time, I've been thinking. I live out in the swamps, I fish for my food, y'know—I-I eat gators like you for breakfast," he states, gesturing to Monty with the back of his hand.
Monty steps back in surprise at first, but the mechanical thudding of his footsteps becomes a loud BANG as his emotions turn toward anger and he plants his feet. His eyes shift under his star-shaped sunglasses.
"And you got me hankerin' for a repeat performance of that," Joe finishes.
"Is that a challenge, little guy!?"
"It's-it's probably not," Freddy says.
Roxanne Wolf ponders for a moment. "Sounds to me like it is," she says, not actually meaning to start any drama, just stating what she thinks.
Which ruins any chance Freddy's words may have had at calming Monty down.
With an angry-sounding chuckle, Monty pushes the microphone back into Freddy's hands and starts tapping his foot impatiently while gesturing for Joe to come to him.
"C'mon, little guy. On the stage," he growls.
"'Little guy', huh? Awright, lil' gator, you're on." Joe cracks his knuckles and steps up toward the stage menacingly.
Speaking of his knuckles, on each fist, Joe wears a metal Advanced Multipurpose Gauntlet—"fancy government toys," as he calls them. Security didn't recognize them as weapons, and after what he's accomplished with them, he'll be damned if he hands them over to anyone. They emit a glow and mechanical whir as he flexes his fingers.
"Erm—no need to be alarmed, this is all part of the show!" Chica says to the audience, wanting to make sure the situation doesn't get out of hand.
"Everybody make way for our guest to come on stage!" the robot chicken continues, improvising and hoping that this will help. At her prompting, the rest of the animatronics move to ensure safe distance between the stage and the audience.
"You heard the girl. Sit back and grab a snack, Monty and our mystery guest are about to give us a...friendly tussle of a performance!" Roxy says.
"Don't you worry about a thing, folks, it's all part of the show!" Chica chuckles, though internally she really hopes that Monty won't be too rough on the guy.
With the metaphorical and literal stage set, Monty stomps once before crouching a little, getting into attack mode.
"Rock and roll!"
"Bring it!" Joe rushes at Monty and throws a one-two punch combo. Monty sidesteps each punch in turn, then laughs smugly and bashes Joe with a headbutt.
"Ha-hahahahaha!"
"Who wants candy? Free today for senior's day!" Glamrock Chica asks, now going around with a cart for the customers to take. The selection includes some of those hard candies that old people really like, so they won't feel left out.
Giving the candy away for free is not a good business strategy. But it's better than having customers panic and try to run away or, heaven forbid, join in and cause a massive brawl.
Joe staggers back, but even as he stumbles, he brings up his right fist, clenching it so hard his arm shakes...or as it turns out, that's actually from his gauntlet vibrating and lighting up. A feminine voice within the device says, "Charging."
"'Charging'?" Monty notes. "Hah! You need some kinda gadgets to hurt me? I ain't scared of your fancy toys! Hit me with your best shot!"
Joe's fist pumps back a bit, then one more stage. The feminine voice speaks again, this time saying, "Charge complete."
The Louisiana swamp man proceeds to run in, all while the animatronic alligator grins in mechanical smugness. What can this guy really d-
Joe's fist rams into his chest hard enough to dent his exterior casing and send him skidding to the edge of the stage. He nearly short-circuits, barely managing to snap out of it and steady himself in time. If it weren't for being the big, bulky and tough Monty, that blow could've smashed him to pieces outright.
"You're a good sport, boy," Joe taunts as he gets low and beckons with both hands, "so I'll let you get a free swing next!"
"Oh? Well, don't mind if I do!" Monty retorts, letting out a long and guttural yell as he lunges to grab Joe.
The backwoods warrior struggles fiercely against his grip, but the gator isn't trying to crush or dismember him. Monty drags Joe across the stage, slowly at first due to the man's struggles, but soon manages to swing him around and throw him into the air, letting him land hard on his back.
"Argh!" Joe rolls onto his side, bracing himself against the stage with one hand and one knee. "You know how to take a lickin', that's for sure!" He wipes his face with his free arm as he rises up on his knee.
Monty braces himself for another punch, but Joe stays low, grabbing his ankles instead.
"Hah! You can't lift meeeeeee-" Monty starts to say, before getting shocked when it turns out that, yes, Joe can lift Monty, at least enough to yank Monty's feet out from under him. With him on his back, Joe lets go, only to wrap his arms around Monty's thighs, whereupon he swings his whole body back and suplexes the screaming robot into the stage behind him. In the impact, Monty's sunglasses fly off his face, clattering to the ground below for some adoring fan to claim.
Before Joe can let go and slip out of the hold, Monty's tail swings down between the legs and clobbers him in the head and chest, knocking the wind out of him. He is forced to release his grip and collapse onto his back with a groan. "Damn..."
Monty, being a machine, can't get winded, so he's the first to get back on his feet. He turns around and grabs the weary Joe by the shoulders in order to pull him upright. The most the man can muster is a strained grunt.
The other animatronics are getting a bit worried now that Monty is about to go way too far and possibly hospitalize this man live on stage...or worse...
Freddy rushes back to the stage, ready to intervene. But then, Monty laughs!
"Ahahahahaha!" he laughs as he starts to pat Joe on his shoulder repeatedly in a genuinely friendly, good-natured way. "You've got spunk! Guts! And you ain't empty air, you follow through! I like that!"
It takes Joe a moment to catch up to the change in Monty's demeanor, but he does, as he reciprocates the shoulder-pat gesture. "You're the toughest gator I've ever met, that's for sure. And you know how to throw a hit, too."
The other Glamrocks are so, so relieved that this ended well. Freddy momentarily wonders if Monty did plan this out in advance and just didn't tell them to mess with them.
But no. Joe and Monty just made friends the manly way.
"Everybody, a clap for friendship," Glamrock Chica cheerfully calls out as she begins to clap. Freddy joins in. Roxy does as well, though only after rolling her eyes first.
Monty hops off of the stage. Roxy approaches him and whispers.
"Don't ever do something that risky in front of an audience again."
"But it was fun!" Monty shrugs. If only robots could be throttled, Roxy thinks to herself.
And the moral of this story is, no matter how old or how dead-set in your ways you are, it's never too late to make a new friend in an unlikely place! Just... try not to make friends through combat. Make sure you have something in common other than violent tendencies.
Written by Stryker324/KiriK with help from DevilPsyco
Based on a scene in a text-based crossover roleplay