I am incapable of writing a story about just two of these characters. I always have to include the third. If one of them isn't in the beginning of the story they will appear at the end of it.
Kirk and Spock sit together on either side of the desk in Jim's office. With their shift on the bridge over the two had decided to take paperwork matters back to a quiet place. One where they could openly discuss matters, without worry of overreaching ears. It was nice, having someone sitting across from him, as Kirk deals with the palpatudes of digital forms, and papers. Still, company aside, Kirk could not shake a deep sense of cold that has settled into his chest.
With a curious glance, Kirk looks Spock over. Head bent down, ears pointed up towards the ceiling, the other man was buried deep within his work. Whatever sense of coldness that had settled into Kirk's chest hasn't bothered Spock. The room was rather warm.
Kirk lays his head back against his chair. He closes his eyes. The cold feeling grows, spreading throughout his chest and head. "Spock, do you ever feel an overwhelming sensation of sadness, for no apparent reason?" Jim tilts his head to the side, just enough to get a good look at Spock's face.
His first officer raises an eyebrow, as he looks over at Kirk. "Captain as you know, Vulcans ar-"
"Yes. Yes." Kirk raises a hand to stop Spock. "You're in complete control of your emotions." He crosses his arms over his chest. "I know."
"Sir?" Spock sets down his work. He presses his fingers together, and leans over his arms. "You don't seem pleased with that response."
"Because it wasn't the response I wanted."
"I'm sorry Jim."
"For what? For being yourself? No. There's no need to feel pity for me Spock."
"I don't pity you." Spock steps closer. "I'm sorry that you are feeling overwhelmed by your sadness." He silently places a cold hand on Kirk's shoulder. The captain looks up in surprise. As he sees Spock's calm, expressionless face, Kirk smiles up at him. He gently pats the top of Spock's hand with his own. "Should I call for the doctor?"
"No. He'll make a bigger deal out of this than what it needs to be."
"Jim. Are you sure?"
"I'm sure Spock. There's no need to worry McCoy." He looks back up and tries to grin. "I'll be fine." Confidence bounds off of him in waves. Always confident, save for the moments when he's alone. It's always when eyes are not on the captain's face that he allows himself the doubts. Spock had noticed it shortly after Kirk became captain of the enterprise.
"Captain if I may ask, do you often feel that sudden wave of sadness?"
"Why Spock it's not typical of you to show interest in my personal affairs."
"I'm simply wondering if anything specifically brought it on."
"No, nothing. It just comes by sometimes." Kirk's eyes drift away from Spock, towards the wall. His mind veers off as his attention loses focus. Silence fills the space between them, as Kirk thinks back to the other times this feeling has washed over him. There had been the hours after his nephew woke up, to discover that he was an orphan.
It came when he was alone on the ship while everyone else was on Omicron Ceti III. After organzing for Sam's friend to take care of the boy, Kirk had returned to his room, unwilling to face his co-workers on the bridge. The worse came after they returned home from the other dimension. It seems every few months this notion returns.
"Jim," Spock's voice was cautious. Cautious and clear enough to pull Kirk's mind out of it's ruminating to the world around him again. "Why did you ask me?" While musing alone was often Spock's forte, it seems today he had other plans. The vulcan stands up.
"No reason." Why had he asked? Well it wouldn't be wrong to say that he
"I do not believe that." Spock rounds Kirk's desk. He stops right in front of where Kirk had been staring off into space beforehand. "You would not have asked without cause."
He couldn't help but smirk at that. "Wouldn't I though?" Kirk looks away and rubs at his chin. "You're right Spock. I did ask for a reason."
"Which was?"
To feel less alone? Just to have someone to relate to? What could he say to a man who so insists on a lack of emotions, he becomes difficult to relate to? Perhaps it's time to forgo that belief altogehter. "You seem like a solemn man."
"You thought I may feel sad?" Is it so surprising that he would. Spock feels so distant so often. Yet Kirk has never been able to forget the sight of his first officer, crying out of sadness and shame, because he did feel. He does. Even if it took a disease for Spock to admit it.
"Quite often if I was going by your expressions." Kirk attempts to laugh it off. When Spock doesn't so much as squint in reaction Kirk sighs. "Less often if I go by what I actually know of you Mr. Spock." It's a lie, but one that should help swell Spock's vulcan pride.
"I believe I'm quite happy, Captain." Spock insists with a tilt of his head. "Perhaps this is a line of questioning better suited for Dr. McCoy. He often seems quite upset."
Kirk chuckles as he rubs his forehead. "Yes there is an inner pain to many of Bones' actions. I imagine there's some great story behind his strong morality." Isn't there always? Bones was considered a grump by much of the ship's staff. His own assitants often calls the man downright cantankerous. They all saw the grouch, but not the soft smile McCoy always offers when a bad spot has passed by. Not the huge grin he wears when he's teetering on the edge of joy and downright giddiness.
On a ship full of people who rely on you, who are under your charge, those at the top must keep themselves distant, yet avaible. It's a balancing act that he struggles with. One McCoy has also seen hard times with. Perhaps he should mentio this feeling to Bones. He would have already if he didn't feel so sure that the doctor would overreact.
"Jim," Spock calls Kirk's name as he readjusts his hands behind his back. "To me you seem to be a rather positive person, captain. I had not realized you struggled with those kinds of emotions."
Kirk wrings his hands together. "Every human struggles with these emotions Spock."
"Apparently so." He nods his head agreeably.
Spock hangs around for another hour or so. When he's finished his side of reports, he stood, announced he was heading to the bridge, and left. Kirk shot a glance towards his clock and made note of the fact Spock left five minutes sooner then normal. The man only made such deviations if he had to rework his schedule to fit in some new task. Kirk smiles to himself, and works faster. Who knows how long it'll be before Bones arrives.
Not a full ten minutes later the doctor knocks on Jim's door. Kirk unlocks his office, and McCoy steps in full of purpose. Clipboard in hand as he fixes Kirk within his sights.
"Spock tells me that you've been feeling down Jim." McCoy waves his hand as if to dismiss Spock's voice from his head, as he specifices, "Well to use his words you've been struck with a sense of somber melancholy of which there's no apparent source."
"I'd accuse you of stretching the truth, doctor, but he may very well have said that."
"He did." Bones pulls a chair out from the other side of Jim's desk. The one next to where Spock typically sits. Even when they both weren't here, the two still made space for each other. "All right Jim why don't you tell me what's going on?"
Kirk slides his padd across the desk and rests both hands on the edge of it. "It's nothing Bones." Kirk interlaces his fingers together, squeezing them tightly. "Just a passing emotion."
"Uh huh," Bones scoots his chair closer to the desk. He leans over it, resting crossed arms on his elbows. "Why don't you tell me more about this passing emotion."
Kirk waves him off. "Bones, I'm fine." He leans back in his chair, resting both palms over the edge of his chair's arms. "I'm alright." His voice grows more distant with each assertion.
From his chair, Bones gives his old friend the clearest look of disbelief he possesses. "How often does it come about?"
"Once in a while. I would say every few months." If there was no way to get out of this, he may as well get it over with. "Typically it's when I'm alone." Today had been the exception. "When I try to describe it, my words feel like they're falling flat."
"Well your words are all we have to go by for now." McCoy reaches across the desk and sets a hand in front of Kirk. Palm down, while aged knuckles are propped up. There for Kirk to take if he wants. He smiles. Bones gently continues, "Just try your best, Jim."
"It's a coldness that settles in my chest. Sometimes in my head." As little as that sounds, it was the only way he's ever been able to put the sensation in context. Kirk looks away from McCoy's face, and down towards his outstretched hand. "Sometimes it lasts for a few seconds. Once it lasted for a couple of hours." Kirk sits up straight and readjusts himself in his chair. "It's not a sense of loneliness but almost like acceptance."
Kirk tries to smile at McCoy, but his face feels tired. Instead he rubs his chin and looks back up at the doctor.
Bones looking disturbed by something happened quite often given where they were and what they see. Yet Kirk couldn't recall one time Leonard looked disturbed due to something Kirk had said and done. At least not anytime he had looked at his old friend's face. "Well doctor?"
McCoy's face goes from disturbed to practiced uncertainty. "It could be nothing," Bones begins clearly not putting a lot of stock into his own words. "But in case it is, I'd like us to start having weekly meetings."
"Don't we do that already?" Kirk leans back in his chair, allowing his body to ease up once more. The tension from moments ago drain right out of his shoulders.
"I mean in a professional setting, as doctor and patient, not as captain and CMO, or as friends."
"If you want more of my time, Bones, you could just ask."
That earns Kirk a grin. "I know Jim. This is just a precaution."
Kirk rests finally rests a hand ontop of McCoy's. "Well if it'll ease your mind, doctor." The other man instantly flips his palm over and gives Kirk's hand a squeeze.
"It will." Kirk cuts off his own laugh. Bones rolls his bright blue eyes. "Just indulge me will you?"
"How can I say no to that?" When has he ever said no to this man? Maybe he needed to start.
"You can't." McCoy quips back with the uttermost certitude.
Jim slips his hand out from McCoy's. "Alright Bones. Now," Kirk claps his hands together. "I have to get back to this work." He gestures down towards the padd with his whole hand.
That earns him a scowl. "You're shift ended five minutes ago."
"I know but I was talking to you for those five minutes."
The doctor stands up. "Alright, just don't over do it. I'm heading back down to sickbay."
Kirk shoots McCoy a smirk. His shift had ended five minutes ago too. "What was that about not overdoing it?"
"I'm the doctor, let me worry about my health and yours." McCoy fixes Kirk with a wag of his finger.
Before stepping close enough to activate the door's automatic switch, Bones turns back. "Jim you know you're not alone, right?"
No, but one day he will die alone. "I know Bones." It's sad, thinking about that inevitablity. So Kirk chooses not to. Instead he picks up his padd and pretends to pull up more paperwork on it. The distraction works, as McCoy finally steps outside.
Now alone in his office, Kirk puts down the padd and rubs his tired eyes. This will just end up passing. Next time he won't say a damn thing.
There's no point in worrying his crew after all.