A/N: IT'S BEEN SO LONG OH MY GOD! I got hit with such bad writer's block for so long! I must have started at least five different stories! Nothing that I wrote seemed to fit though, the pacing and progress were just too fast so I'd scrap the story and start over and it just led to an endless cycle of inadequacy, which then led to a month and a half of writer's block! I tried writing so many times, I even started a new SPN project to see if I just needed a break from this series, but I couldn't write anything down. Didn't help that I'm moving now as well... But tonight I had a break from work and moving so I decided that I would force myself to write! I found an amazing immersive writing session playlist on YouTube that is broken into segments. You write for 25 minutes, take a break for 5 minutes, then write for another 25 minutes, so on and so forth. Thanks to that technique I was finally able to get out 4k words and finish a chapter in one night T^T Normally I would wait to post this chapter until I have at least 1/4th of the next chapter written, but I want to let everyone know that this story hasn't been abandoned! I'm still working on it!

Also, please note, I'm afraid Dean might be a little out of character in this story... I tried breaking the block by finishing SPN (I stopped during the Mark of Cain arc because the boys were fighting T^T) and I'm halfway through S11 now. I fear grumpy older Dean came through in this chapter more than spunky 20yo Dean. Fingers crossed I get him back under control soon and he starts acting more like himself! In the meantime, maybe it can be passed off as overly concerned older brother Dean...

Anyway, please enjoy the story!

When Dean was younger, he used to imagine what it would be like if his parents got back together. He couldn't really understand why Sammy and his dad left, but he knew it was from something bad. When he was brave enough to wonder aloud, his mom would tell him that it wasn't permanent, she would tell him they would all be a family again one day when they were safe. He remembered begging her one night to see Sammy and Dad, whining about how much he missed them, and she eventually agreed to a visit. He was the happiest he had ever been as a kid while they drove to Wisconsin, bouncing in the backseat and singing every song on the radio. When they arrived, he remembered the smile on his dad's face as he answered the door and how his large arms wrapped around him and his mom as she leaned into John for a kiss. Dean remembered how happy they looked at that moment – before he heard Sammy in the living room and ran to see his brother.

Dean remembered when he felt that daydream of a happy family shatter, when he thought that his family would never be whole again as his parents screamed at each other in the Roadhouse. He had wanted nothing more than to shove his headphones on and drown them out, to run outside and get far enough away that he couldn't hear them anymore. But then he had looked over at Sammy; so small, so scared, frozen to his spot and staring at their parents with wide eyes. Dean knew then that he couldn't leave. His baby brother needed him more than Dean needed his daydream. So he took Sammy's hand and hid behind the bar, let Sammy have his headphones, and held his brother close while Dean listened to their parents. His image of a perfect family shattered like the bottle against the bar above their heads, the bright colors of fantasy dripping away like the beer spilling down the counter.

From then on, Dean remembered feeling an anger deep within himself when he thought of his father. It could have been the way John treated his mother during the fight, or the way he ripped Sammy away from him behind the bar, it could even have been the way that John actively avoided them – avoided him like he wasn't John's child too. He kept Sam away as if he and Dean weren't brothers, as if Dean wasn't their family. As he grew older, that anger simmered down, but it never left completely. It was always there in the back of his mind, but so was that slither of hope that refused to die. The hope that one day, when the battle with the monster that tried to attack his mother and Sam was over, they could reunite.

Then Sam was back in his life and a part of Dean's daydream was glued back into place. And then Sam was in the hospital and John was there, and John apologized. That tiny shard of hope grew faster than a wildfire. Dean couldn't help but smile when he thought about those few days that Sam was stuck in the hospital; all the coffee runs that his parents went on together, all the hidden glances when they thought no one was looking, all the secret smiles when their eyes met… For once, Dean actually believed that his daydream could come true.

Of course, in true Winchester fashion, it didn't work out as he had hoped.

Now he was here with both his parents but minus his little brother. It had been fun seeing his parents stealing glances at the hospital, Dean had been excited about what it could mean for them, but he had had Sam there to exchange knowing looks of their own. Being by himself with his goo-goo-eyed parents wasn't nearly as fun.

It also didn't help that he was worried about Sam… It had been three months since his little brother disappeared and told them not to look for him. Of course they still tried to find him, but they had hit a brick wall in their research and had no way to move forward. So with his parents still teamed up and nothing else to do, they started going on hunts together.

Getting to hunt alongside John Winchester was a challenge Dean had expected yet still been unprepared for. The hunting community loved to talk about how skilled John was, some dared to call him the best hunter out there, and he lived up to the rumors. He knew of monsters that Dean had never heard of before; he always had the right weapon to kill the monster of the week, even if it hadn't been what they first thought it to be; his planning and strategy skills were unparalleled. One of their first hunts together had been a werewolf pack in Tennessee; Dean and his mom had both taken down two each, while his dad had wiped out the other five.

It was after hunts like that when Dean would sit in his motel bed late into the night, holding onto his amulet, thinking about how Sam hunted. Sam grew up with their dad, Dean was sure that there was rigorous training involved. He had been on that one hunt with Sam last year with the lamia in the school, he remembered the fear that gripped his heart when he saw Sam wrapped in that snake tail and being squeezed to death in front of the window. He had run in there to save his friend… Just like when Yellow-Eyes had them locked in the Roadhouse, Sam ran in and threatened to off himself to save the rest of them.

It was moves like that Dean didn't understand. John wasn't the sacrifice-play kind of man, he thought of every possibility and he found a way out. So why was Sam? Sam's entire battle strategy was to give himself up in order to protect others. The kid was smart, Dean had heard him go on brainiac rants over the phone so often that even he felt smart enough to compete in decathlon tournaments at this point. If Sam really wanted to, he could definitely think of a way or three where no one would get hurt and the monster would get got.

So where did the self-sacrifice idea come from?

Dean let out a sigh as he turned over in his bed, holding the amulet tighter and feeling the horns dig into his palm. Wherever Sam was, and whoever was with him, Dean hoped that he was safe and protected.

"Dean…?" He heard his mother ask, her voice quiet in the dark room. "Why are you still awake?"

Dean fought back a smile as he turned around again to face her bed. "I could ask you the same thing. You're usually out as soon as you lay down."

He heard her shuffling in bed, then her bedside lamp clicked on. He squinted in the sudden light, his eyes slowly adjusting so that he could see his mom. She looked… tired. Not in a physical way, though he was sure she felt that too after the long hunt they just ended; but it seemed more of an emotional and mental tiredness.

"Are you okay?" He sat up in bed, watching her closely.

She gave a small smile and nodded, letting out a sigh. "I've just been thinking… A lot has happened this year. I'm just processing it all."

Dean could painfully understand that; it was what was keeping him awake as well. He let out a quiet chuckle though, nodding in agreement. "That's kind of an understatement. Pretty sure that everything that's happened this year is a bit more than 'a lot'."

She sent him a look that said he was about to be hit with one of her pillows. "You know what I mean. Compared to how we lived a year ago, almost everything is different."

"Not everything…" At her raised eyebrow, he gave a half-shrug, "We still don't have Sam, still don't know where he is."

Her gaze softened, eyes taking on a sadness that Dean knew was mirrored in his own eyes. "We'll find him soon. He won't be gone forever."

Dean flopped back down in his bed, staring at the water-stained ceiling. "Not much we can do when he's the one running away from us though… It was one thing when it was Dad keeping us apart, he could at least be argued with, there was always a chance that Sam could decide who he wanted to be with. But now that it's his choice, it's different… He won't come back if he thinks it'll put us in danger. He's stupid like that."

"So, then we have to prove to him that we can take care of ourselves. He hasn't seen us hunting yet, he doesn't know how capable we are."

"Sure, let's just call him up and tell him how we took down a wendigo."

"There's always a possibility of him calling us again, or maybe he could use his powers to look in on us."

Dean's eyes widened, jumping to sit up in his bed. That was right. He hadn't realized it at the time but… "Sam knew about us summoning the demon."

His mom sat up straighter in bed, her eyebrows pushing together. "What?"

"When Sam called me, he said he had heard about us summoning the demon, he said that it wasn't safe. He was already gone by then, probably already out of the state, there was no way for him to know about us summoning a demon."

The two looked at each other for a time, taking in what that could possibly mean for them. Sam must have been able to look in on them with his powers, find some way to keep track of them, and make sure that they were safe. He had said that whatever was after him would target anyone who knew too much about Sam, so it would make sense that Sam would keep an eye on them.

So he could know when to make another stupid self-sacrificial move on their behalf.

Dean would seriously need to talk with him about that.

XxX

It was going into Dean's fourth month hunting with John when they heard the rumors.

They were in a hunter dive, his parents at the bar looking for leads to a new hunt while Dean took money from the drunks that challenged him to pool. They taunted him with their usual drunk arrogance, getting more rowdy with each game that Dean won. He was used to their antics though; having dealt with many bar patrons for cases, he knew better than to let their words get to him. And it wasn't like Dean kept his own arrogance in check either…

The cue ball went into the pocket Dean chose, winning him his third game of the night. With a dramatic flair, he gave a bow as he grabbed his newly acquired stack of cash.

"Thank you, gentlemen, for your contribution to the Winchester name. As much as I would love to continue accepting your donations though, I'm afraid I must take my leave for the night."

A loud complaint passed through the group, causing Dean to chuckle to himself. He could hear the genuine hostility beginning to form in them, announcing that he was right in his decision to take his leave. The idea of a barroom brawl sounded exciting, but not with hunters. Who knew if or when they would have to go on a hunt with each other, and the last thing needed on a hunt was your partner holding a grudge against you.

He was sliding the money into his inner jacket pocket when a voice, clearer than the drunken fool cursing him, called out.

"Winchester, huh?"

Dean looked over at the man sitting in a dark booth, staring at his drink. A scar trailed down his right cheek and neck, a serious injury in its prime that now contributed to his gruff persona; he had dark hair that was starting to gray tied in a low ponytail down his back, and salt and pepper scruff that was at least five days old.

"You John's oldest boy?" He nodded to the bar, where John was, finally looking up at Dean with the most haunted eyes he had ever seen in a hunter before.

"Yeah. Who are you?" Dean crossed his arms, his back straightening to his full height. He couldn't place his finger on what part of the man sent off alarm bells in Dean's head, but the bells were definitely going off.

The man only grunted though, taking a drink from his glass. "It's a shame to hear about your younger brother, kid had so much potential."

Dean knew better than to rise to the bait of a drunk man in a bar. He knew better. But damn it, all bets were off when Sammy was mentioned.

Dean marched to the table, slamming his hands down on it and leaning in close to the man. "What do you know about Sam?"

The man held eye contact with Dean, not even flinching. "I know a lot of things. Like, for instance, how that boy ain't normal."

Before he could really understand what he was doing, Dean had a fist in the man's shirt and dragged him close enough that Dean could smell the whiskey on his breath. "Say that again. I dare you."

"Dean." His father's voice said, a command and question at the same time.

Dean released the man, taking a step back and looking behind him to where John and Mary stood. John gave him a once over, lifting a single brow, asking if he was okay. Dean gave a short nod.

Satisfied with that, John looked back to the man in the booth, his expression that cold and unreadable look that Dean wasn't used to. "Ethan, still burning bridges before they're even built, I see."

"John," The man, Ethan, nodded in greeting. "It seems you've been repairing your bridges."

"What I can." John watched as he downed the rest of his whiskey. "There a reason you got Dean so worked up?"

"He said that Sam-"

"I've heard some things. Things that any other hunter would nail your whole family for."

Dean saw John's eyes narrow, his act of indifference threatening to crack. "What kind of things?"

Ethan's eyes scanned the room, the others mimicking him and glancing around as well. Many of the hunters sitting and standing nearby were not so subtly watching them, trying to listen in on their conversation. "Why don't we continue this outside? I don't think you'll want others to hear your family's business."

"I'd have to agree with you." John turned to Mary and Dean as Ethan slid out of his booth, nodding them back towards the bar. "You two go wait for me at the bar, this'll only be a moment."

"No, screw that!" Dean frowned, taking a step closer to his dad. "Sam is my little brother, I deserve to know whatever this guy says!"

"Dean, calm down."

"No, you want me to stay behind when this is the first lead we've had on Sammy for months! I don't care what you say, I'm coming!" Stepping around John, Dean followed Ethan to the door. His anger was rising higher with each minute; first this man insults his little brother, and then his dad wanted him to sit out on potential information about Sam? To hell with that!

He threw open the bar door, searching the dark parking lot to see Ethan's large figure leaning against an old truck on the far side. Without waiting for his parents, Dean made a B-line to him. Halfway there, he heard the bar door open and close again, most likely his parents judging by the sound of footsteps behind him.

"What do you know about Sam?" Dean demanded once he was close enough. Ethan looked up at him, but only raised a brow. There was a hint of amusement in his eyes as he watched Dean, like he found his concern for Sam so funny. It made Dean's anger rise even more. "You wanted to talk, so talk! Or did you suddenly forget how?"

"You really love that little brother of yours, don't ya?" Ethan said in return, a corner of his mouth pulling upward. It threw Dean off somewhat, not really expecting that question or faint smile. He knew that Ethan was a seasoned hunter, most likely having dealt with many headstrong and arrogant hunters in his time; but his level of calm didn't sit right with Dean. Or he just didn't think that Dean was much of a threat.

"Of course I do. He's my brother."

"That's not a reason."

Dean's eyebrows furrowed and his eyes narrowed. Not a reason? Sammy being his brother was more than enough reason to love him…!

Before Dean could point that out, his parents finally caught up to him, his dad placing a hand on Dean's shoulder. "What have you heard, Ethan?"

The older hunter straightened, his eyes losing the spark of amusement. "Not good things." He reached into his jacket pocket, pulling out a pack of cigarettes and a lighter. "I'm telling you this because I respect you, John. You're a damn good hunter, one of the best I know. And Sam's a good kid. So I think you deserve to know what others are saying."

The family waited as Ethan lit his cigarette, inhaling deeply before blowing the smoke up toward the night sky. "I was outside of Opelousas when I heard about Sam being missing. Couple of hunters were talking about the Winchester boy no longer being around, coming up with ideas about what happened. Most of it was bull, thinking he died or ran away. They were drunk and talking out their asses. But then a man came in, went right to them, and asked if they wanted to know what really happened. This man…" Ethan shook his head slightly, looking down at the pavement, "He didn't seem normal. I can't place my finger on it, but there was something off about him. He wasn't a hunter either, he didn't have that look… But he started spouting all kinds of things, about how your boy's a psychic, that he's tainted, demons claimed him, that he belongs to Hell. I didn't believe it at first, but those hunters bought every word that man said. Especially the part where Sam was running with a monster now, even listed a few cities that had cases no hunter could solve and said it was Sam's work. By the end of his tale, every hunter in that bar was raring to go after Sam."

Dean felt his hands starting to shake. He couldn't believe it… This was basically a hit on Sam. Someone had put Sam on a hunter hitlist. How would he be able to survive that? Even most monsters couldn't survive just one hunter, how would Sam be able to survive a whole bar's worth?

"What kind of cases?" John asked, pulling Dean's attention to him. Did he really believe that Sam was behind unexplained cases?

"Human disappearances, piles of ash, burnt-out eyes… Strange stuff, nothing that matches up with normal monster attacks."

Dean glanced at his mother the same time she looked at him. Piles of ash, like what they had found in the school basement. Could the creature that saved Sam be on a rampage? Was it no longer friendly and attacking people? Sam wouldn't stand for that though… He'd have found a way to stop it.

Unless it attacked Sam as well.

John let out a sigh, running a hand down his face. "I appreciate you telling us this, Ethan."

"I ain't done yet, Winchester." Three sets of eyes were back on Ethan as he took another drag of his cigarette. "I said I didn't believe it at first. So I contacted some… informants of mine. Had them keep a lookout for anything strange happening. Couple days ago, in Dubuque, one of 'em spotted Sam by the river. Said there were two others with him… A strange man standing behind Sam, and a woman in front. Said that Sam had his arm out towards the woman, and she was cursing him and struggling to move. It seemed as if Sam was holding her in place…" Ethan gave them all a hard look, as if gauging their reactions to the information. "The man was talking to Sam, sounded like coaching my informant said. Sam, even in the dark, seemed to be pale, and he had blood dripping down his face. But after a few minutes, this dark cloud came out of the woman and burned up in the air. The woman collapsed, started crying and screaming, Sam and the man went to help her but she took off as soon as she could. My informant then said that Sam seemed to get sick, that he threw up and that blood was just pouring out his nose. Then the man placed a hand on Sam's shoulder and he was healed. Instantly."

Dean sucked in a breath, eyes wide. He was sure his parents had a similar expression as well. He remembered the last phone call with Sam, how there was a man's voice in the background urging them to leave. Dean was sure that the one seen with Sam was the same as then, the same creature to have turned the demons to ash that Sam seemed to trust. But what could heal a person instantly? They had all this information, all these clues, but nothing to do with them! None of the pieces fit together in a way that made sense.

"I don't know about ya'll," Ethan continued after a moment, "But I don't know any monster that can heal a person instantly, nor do I know any psychics that can pull a demon out of its host. There's something strange going on here, and I don't like it. I know Sam, he's a good kid, a good hunter, I don't believe he'd go dark side, but John, whatever he's mixed up in ain't good. And there's plenty of hunters out there that are looking for him now, looking for you too to see if they can get to him through you. Watch yourselves."

John's face was serious as he nodded, holding out his hand to Ethan for a solid shake. "We'll keep an eye out. I appreciate this, Ethan."

"Don't mention it." Ethan looked around the parking lot before stepping out his cigarette. "I ought to head out now. Don't want to hang around these hunter bars for too long, could end up being more trouble than it's worth."

Mary took a step forward, offering her hand as well. "Thank you, Ethan, so much. This is the first news we've had on him since he went missing."

Ethan shook her hand, nodding. "I hope you find him before anyone else does." Those dark eyes slid to Dean next, a look that Dean couldn't place passing into them again. "You think about what I said. There's a line that's going to be drawn soon, one that might be wider than brotherhood can cross."

Dean drew back his shoulders and held his head high, "No offense, old timer, but I'll decide what my brotherhood can and can't cross. Besides, I already picked my side of the line."

They held eye contact for a long moment before Ethan smirked, nodding. "I like you." He opened the door of his truck and got in, lifting his hand in a wave. "I'll be seeing you, Winchesters."

The family watched him drive away before turning inward to look at each other. Dean noticed how his mom leaned against his dad with a small smirk.

"I honestly don't know what to make of all this…" Mary started, shaking her head. "Someone putting a hunt on Sam? Sam forcing a demon out of someone? Can what that man said be trusted?"

John nodded, "Ethan is a mean son of a bitch, but he's a good man. A good hunter. I've traveled with him a few times, he wouldn't lie."

Mary sighed but nodded as well, "So that means Sam…"

"Was in Dubuque not too long ago…" Eyes went to Dean as he crossed his arms. "Chances are he already left, but we could drive over there and dig around. Maybe we could find the woman he saved, see if she remembers anything from her time being possessed."

His mom smiled, a glint in her eyes that hadn't been there for a while. Even his dad seemed to be lighter, more relaxed almost. For the first time in months, they finally had a lead on Sam.

They finally had hope.

"Alright then," John said, a faint smile on his face as he turned towards their cars. "To Dubuque. If we leave at dawn, we'll make it there by five."

Dean felt the excitement building in him as they walked back to their cars, a bounce to his step that hadn't been there since – well… since the cute waitress three towns over gave him a free slice of pie, but it wasn't genuine happiness since he had last been with Sam.

And maybe, just maybe, if they dug deep enough, got close enough, then Sam might just reach out to them again.