Harry threw himself into the chair by the fire side and heaved a huge sigh. He was absolutely exhausted: He had just spent three hours in Professor Umbridge's sickly perfumed room, using her archaic quill that cut into his hand. He absentmindedly started rubbing it.
"Harry! Are you just getting back now?"
Harry opened his eyes and turned his head to find Seamus coming down the stairs. "Yeah. Three hours of pure misery."
"It's nearly midnight!" Seamus said, shaking his head disgustingly. "And she knows we have her first thing in the morning too!"
"It's like she's trying to set me up," Harry said, rubbing his bloodshot eyes.
"Harry!" Seamus suddenly grabbed Harry's right hand and brought it close to his face. "Is she making you cut yourself?!"
Harry didn't bother pulling his hand away, allowing Seamus to continue examining it. "I don't necessarily think you can categorize it as that, but –"
"Harry, it's a yes or a no answer," Seamus said, glaring at him. Harry paused for a moment and sighed.
"She makes me use this quill that, whatever I write down on paper, it gets etched onto my hand," Harry said, watching Seamus closely. And because he knew it would be no use to not do it properly, he added, "and what's worse is…well…the ink appears to be my blood."
"What the fuck, Harry!" Seamus starred at Harry in horror.
"I promise I haven't been enjoying it!" Harry quickly explained, knowing where his mind was going.
"I didn't say you were. But Harry – you've been doing so good this past month and I would hate for –"
"I'm not going back to hurting myself, Seamus!" Harry said irritatedly.
"I know Harry, I know." Seamus put both his hands on Harry's shoulders and turned to faced him. "But relapses happen. And they can happen to anyone at any time. We can't let her keep doing this."
"What am I supposed to do? Tell her to stop? She's not going to listen –"
"Then go to Dumbledore. Or Professor McGonagall!"
"Dumbledore hasn't spoken to me since the end of the school year and Professor McGonagall would make a huge deal out of it. Umbridge would know it was me. She'll makes things ten times worse for me!"
The two fell silent. Seamus took Harry's injured hand into his own and was examining it once more. Harry flinched as Seamus gently ran his thumb over the still-raw wound.
"I'm sorry I didn't tell you, Seamus," Harry said in a soft voice. "I didn't want to worry you."
"I understand, Harry. And I'm not mad at you. I'm just upset that with all the punishments at her disposal, she would choose something as heinous as this one. And especially to you."
Harry looked down at his hand in Seamus', thinking…how was he going to get through this year if this was the type of punishment he had to endure? Because although he didn't want to admit it, Seamus was right: The past two days, especially, were very difficult. He almost started feeling relief again as those long hours in Umbridge's office forced him to cut himself…because he had to….because he was forced to…
Harry could feel the tears filling in his eyes at the thought. He squeezed Seamus' hand as he let out an involuntary sob.
"What's wrong?" Seamus asked softly. He reached out for Harry's chin and gently lifted up so that they were face-to-face.
"I'm scared," Harry admitted.
"Scared of what?"
Harry paused, looking for a way to best explain his feelings. "I don't want to start hurting myself again….but I can't pretend…" Harry's lips started quivering as he struggled to get the words out.
"With all the shit Umbridge has put me through, and everyone calling me crazy and unstable, and possibly losing my place on the Quidditch team….I can't pretend I didn't feel relief when my hand was being cut into –"
Harry couldn't finish and completely broke down. Seamus pulled him into a hug, holding him tight. Harry wrapped his arms around Seamus and buried his face into his chest, crying harder than ever.
"It's going to be ok, Harry. I promise," Seamus said comfortingly, rubbing Harry's back. "Healing is hard. And it can take a while. But you're not alone. I'm here for you. And Hermione and Ron are now, too."
The two boys stayed in this position for for nearly twenty minutes, allowing Harry to calm down. He pulled away from Seamus, his eyes blurry for the tears. Seamus put a hand on Harry's knee, gently rubbing it.
"I'm so proud of you, Harry." Seamus said, watching Harry closely. Harry simply nodded while taking calming breaths. "Why don't we go up to bed? I'm sure you'll feel better in the morning."
"I'm scared to be alone," Harry whispered, almost wishing he hadn't said it.
Seamus watched Harry closely, before standing up. He reached his hand down and took Harry's, helping him up. "I won't let you be alone."
Ron's alarm went off right at seven am. He turned over onto his back and stared at the ceiling. He laid there for a few minutes debating, as always, whether or not he really needed an education. But as Dean's alarm went off a moment later, Ron sighed. At least he didn't have to suffer early mornings alone. He sat up and stretched. He gazed around the slightly dark room, before his gaze fell on Harry's bed: It was empty. He turned to look at Dean, who's bed was situated right next to his best friend's.
"Hey Dean, did you hear Harry come in last night?"
Dean looked up at Ron, and then turned to Harry's empty bed. "I didn't. Maybe he's in the bathroom or something."
Ron shrugged, thinking that was probably it, and started getting dressed. Ten minutes minutes later, Seamus' alarm went off: The sound kept going for nearly a minute before Dean went over and turned the alarm off himself.
"Seamus must be really exhausted to not have heard that," Ron said, straightening his tie.
"He's usually up before his alarm, actually." Dean said, sounding slightly worried. He reached up and pulled the hangings that were blocking the morning sun and gasped. "Oh! Damn….er, what an interesting development."
"What are you – oh!" Ron stopped at the foot of Seamus' bed and gazed at the scene before him: Both Harry and Seamus were sleeping soundly. Harry was practically on top of Seamus, his face buried in his chest, his arms around his waist. Both Seamus' arms were wrapped around Harry, holding him tightly.
"Should we wake them?" Ron asked, still gazing at the two in confusion.
"Yeah, otherwise they're gonna be late for Defense." Dean leaned forward and gently nudged Seamus, who started to stir. "Hey, it's nearly seven fifteen."
Seamus opened his eyes and looked at the two boys staring at him. It took him a moment to realize why: He gazed down at Harry, who was still fast asleep on him. He looked back at them. "I'll explain later." The two boys just nodded and went about their morning routine.
The boys met Hermione down in the common room before making their way to the Great Hall for breakfast. While Harry was talking with Hermione and Neville, Dean and Ron hung back to talk with Seamus.
"So, what happened with Harry?" Ron asked quietly.
Seamus glanced at the back of Harry before turning to the other two. "Has Harry told you what Umbridge has been making him do during his detentions?" The two boys shook their heads, their interests peaked. "She's been making him use this quill that cuts him every time he writes – and it uses his blood as ink."
The two boys looked at Seamus in horror, then to Harry. "What the fuck!" Ron said under his breath.
"Yeah. I think Harry was scared to tell us – but once I found out, he spilled everything. He said he was scared because he didn't want to start self-harming again. And he admitted…." Seamus paused, knowing he had to say what he had to say.
"He admitted what?" Dean pushed. Seamus sighed.
"He admitted that it felt nice to cut again…and to be forced into and not because he wanted to do it."
Ron closed his eyes for a moment and Seamus knew he was thinking the worse. "Does that mean he's started again?"
"No, he assured me he hasn't. And I trust him. He then told me he was scared because he knows how much progress he's made and doesn't want to do anything to jeopardize that."
"So how does this lead into him ending up in your bed?" Dean asked.
"Harry was scared to be alone. He didn't say it, but I think he thinks the intrusive thoughts will take over and he won't be able to control them. So I told him to stay with me – and the only way to calm him down was to hold him."
The two boys glanced at each other and then back at Seamus. Ron stared at the back of Harry. "I've never seen Harry so dependent on someone before."
"You have to realize that Harry has never had someone to fall back on. I know he has you and Hermione –" Seamus added, as Ron looked offended, "what I mean is…Harry has always had to be the strong one in every situation. He has to be the one to save everyone, including you two. Feeling vulnerable when he's never been able to is terrifying for him. He's afraid people are going to abandon him if he shows any signs of 'weakness'" Seamus said, using his fingers for air quotes.
Ron looked at Seamus in amazement. "How do you get him to tell you these things?"
"My dad's a muggle psychologist – I've learned a lot of things from him through the years."
The group made the final descent and headed into the Great Hall.
While Ron, Harry, and Neville made their way to Divination, Dean headed off to Muggle studies, and Hermione and Seamus were left to enjoy their free period, as Arithmacy did not meet on Wednesdays. Hermione decided to head off to the library to complete homework. Seamus, however, had made up his mind and headed to Professor McGonagall's office. Harry might not want to talk to her about what was happening, but Seamus sure as hell wouldn't let that scumbag woman get away with this.
Seamus hadn't intended to talk to McGonagall right away, but after their lesson with Umbridge today, he was in a fury. As predicted, Umbridge deliberately picked on Harry for all the answers, knowing full well he wasn't on top of his game. She took five points away for every answer he got wrong, and then proceeded to assign Harry extra homework to make up for his "lack of effort."
Seamus approached McGonagall's office door and knocked. There was the sound of shuffling papers before a crisp "come in" answered. Seamus opened the door to find Professor McGonagall behind her desk, grading papers.
"Mr. Finnegan? What a surprise. What can I help up with?" Professor McGonagall asked, as Seamus shut the door and took a seat in front of her.
"Professor, I have some concerns that I think you should know about," Seamus said, getting right into it.
Professor McGonagall looked surprised. "Oh? What are these concerns?"
Seamus took a moment to gather his words, wanting to do it right. "I'm worried about Harry – and concerned about the detentions he's been having with Professor Umbridge."
"I understand the number of detentions he has isn't easy, Finnegan, but I can assure you –" Professor McGonagall started, but Seamus interrupted.
"It's not the number of detentions, Professor. It's what she's making him do."
Professor McGonagall looked at Seamus, narrowing her eyes. "Professor Umbridge has led me to believe she was having him do lines. Is this not true?"
"Well…she is having him do lines, but…she's making him use this – quill that cuts into skin when used –"
"Are you sure, Mr. Finnegan?" Professor McGonagall interrupted, looking shocked.
"Yes, Professor. I've seen the scars on Harry's hand. But that's only half of why I'm concerned." Seamus paused, knowing he was betraying Harry's trust by telling her.
"What else is going on, Mr. Finnegan?" Professor McGonagall pressed.
"Professor…Harry doesn't want to tell anyone, but I think it's important for you know because of what these detentions are about…"
"Whatever you say in here, Mr. Finnegan, is completely confidential." Professor McGonagall said softly, sensing Seamus' hesitation.
Seamus nodded, taking a deep breath. "Over the summer, Harry started to self-harm. I've been helping him for the last month to get better and to find alternative outlets. But with these detentions…"
"You're afraid he's going to start hurting himself again. I see." Professor McGonagall looked shocked at this confession.
Seamus looked up at the professor and was surprised to see a sad look in her eyes. "Professor, Harry is scared too. He's started thinking about doing it again and I don't know what to do because I can't stop these detentions –"
"I will take care of everything, Mr. Finnegan. And I will make sure to do so with confidentiality. Thank you for coming to me with this matter." Professor McGonagall said with a finality in her voice. Seamus knew he was being dismissed.
"Thank you, Professor." Seamus stood up and made to leave the office when McGonagall called him back. He turned to find the Professor offering one of her rare, kind smiles.
"Mr. Finnegan…you're a great friend. Harry is very lucky to have you."
Seamus smiled back, nodded, and left the room.
It was nearly the end of the school day. Transfiguration was the last class before they were free for the rest of the afternoon. Harry sat there, in between Seamus and Ron, trying not to fall asleep. He was still dead tired from the late detention last night and was dreading the one for later that evening. Harry sighed when the final bell rang. There was a clatter as everyone gathered their things and started heading for the door.
"One moment, Mr. Potter." Professor McGonagall beckoned Harry to her. "A word, if you please."
Harry looked at the others, who just shrugged. They waited just outside the door as Harry made his way to the teacher's desk.
"Mr. Potter, your detentions with Professor Umbridge have been cancelled. Any future detentions with her will be conducted by me."
"W-what?" Harry looked confused but felt elated. "Are you serious, Professor? I don't have to go to them anymore?"
Professor McGonagall considered him for a moment. "I think you have been punished enough."
"Thank you, Professor!" Harry paused for a moment. "Why don't I have to do detentions with her anymore?"
"Several students have made it known to me the nature of her detentions, and Hogwarts simply does not condone that type of medieval punishment."
Harry couldn't contain his smile as he nodded. "Thank you, Professor."
"You should also know, Potter, that Madame Pompfrey is aware of the happenings of these detentions and has brewed a special solution to help heal any sort of injury you have sustained during these. Should you need to utilize this, no questions will be asked. She is expecting any afflicted students."
Harry smiled as he absentmindedly rubbed the back of his hand. Professor McGonagall gave him a kind smile and went back to gathering her things for the next class. Harry left the room and met the others, who were waiting in the hallway.
"What did McGonagall want?" Hermione asked.
"And why do you look so happy?" Ron asked. They started making their way to Gryffindor tower to drop off their bags before dinner.
"I don't have to do any detentions with Umbridge anymore. And the ones for this week are cancelled!" Harry said happily, feeling absolutely giddy.
"What? Harry, that's great!" Hermione said, turning towards him. "You'll be able to get some proper sleep tonight."
"And Katie will be very happy you'll be at practice tomorrow, too!" Ron chimed in.
"Did she say why?" Seamus asked, not making eye contact with Harry.
"Just that other students came forward about Umbridge. I guess I wasn't the only one she was doing this too." Harry said, watching Seamus closely. "She also said Madame Pompfrey has a solution to help any residual pain and scarring."
"Pain and scarring? What are you talking about, Harry? I thought you said she was giving you lines?" Hermione asked, confused.
Harry explained to her the gruesome detentions he had been having with her and showed her his messed-up hand. Hermione looked simply furious. They made their way into the common room and briefly split up to dump their school bags. As the boys made their way back down the staircase, Harry reached out and gently grabbed Seamus' arm.
"Wait," Harry said, as the others disappeared through the dormitory door. Seamus shut the door and turned to Harry.
"What's up?"
Harry leaned forward and embraced Seamus in a tight hug. Although confused, Seamus reciprocated. "What was that for?" Seamus asked when they pulled apart.
"That's a thank you for what you did," Harry explained, gazing at Seamus knowingly.
"I'm not sure what you mean," Seamus said, not exactly looking Harry in the eye.
"Come on, Seamus, I know it was you. You told McGonagall about my detentions." Harry said, watching Seamus closely.
Seamus finally looked at Harry, suddenly looked nervous. "I'm sorry, Harry! I know you said not to tell anyone, but I just couldn't let her get away with hurting you! I –"
"Seamus, it's fine, really." Harry said, chuckling at how flustered Seamus became. "Honestly, I'm glad you said something. Cuz now I don't have to deal with her detentions anymore. And if she tries to take it out on me, I'm sure McGonagall would find out."
Seamus looked relieved. "I just didn't want you to think you couldn't trust me. I just wanna look out for you…" Seamus turned slightly pink and looked down at the ground.
Harry's heart gave a little extra beat, and suddenly, he saw Seamus in a different light. Harry reached out and took Seamus by the hand and gave it a little squeeze. Seamus looked up; they shared a smile before letting go and heading down the stairs towards dinner.