Weekend at Burnsie's After getting pecked in the eyes by crows Homer is prescribed cannabis to ease the pain. Meanwhile Oscar receives contract from his estranged uncle he lost contact with because he's a cannibis smoker.
Plot
The Simpsons and Oscar were having dinner in the kitchen at its table.
Marge tapped her glass with a spoon. "Can anyone guess anything different about dinner?"
"Nope same old crap." said Bart. He and Homer high fived.
"Zinged her!" Homer cheered.
"Oh you boys..." Marge waved their insults off as playing. "We're eating genetically modified vegetables! Look how big they are!" she held up a plate with a large broccoli and a cauliflower on it.
"Look how big they are!" said Oscar.
"Oz, Mom just said that..." said Bart.
"This corn isn't very big." said Homer holding a corn cob.
"That's baby corn!" said Marge.
"Whaaaaaat?!" Homer gasped. It was a baby corn.
"Mom! The government really shouldn't be playing God! Especially with our food!" said Lisa on her high horse.
Oscar was doing chit chat hand gestures and mouthing what Lisa was saying to show what he thought of her talking too much.
"Coooool! GM food..." said Hugo.
"There's nothing to be afraid of. They're all grown by the vegetable division of Union Carbide." said Homer.
"Oh Lisa they're no different from usual vegetables except much bigger! Eat your veggies!" said Marge.
"Uh Mom... my potato is eating a carrot!" Lisa explained frightened as a potato on her plate had gained sentience and was eating a carrot alive!
"Cooooool!" said Oscar, Bart and Hugo.
"Aaaaaagh! That's it! Tomorrow we grow our own vegetables!" Marge screamed at the sight of the potato eating a carrot.
The broccoli started hissing.
...
The next day Oscar found Marge's bag of seeds funny. The corn read "Dirty hoe brand seed corn"
Oscar laughed hysterically. "Dirty hoe!"
"Hrmmmmmmm! Homer you said the kids wouldn't find this brand funny!" Marge sighed cross with Homer's choice of seeds from the dirty hoe brand.
"I hear ya honey." said Homer in the house.
Marge planted the seeds. However as soon as she left them to grow crows ate them!
"Shoo! Shoo!" Marge tried to shoo them away but they wouldn't leave.
"Mom you have to build a scarecrow to scare away the crows." said Lisa.
"Or we could just get Doctor Who's Jon Pertwee to dress up as a scarecrow..." said Oscar.
"Oscar don't make references..." Bart sighed.
"Well we better decide on something. The crows are getting addicted to Dad's Tommaco crop." said Lisa. On another patch of Tomacco plants growing on poles to hold them upright the crows were eating the tomaccoes!
"Aaaaaaaghhh! Shoo you monsters!" Homer shooed at the crows.
The crows squawked and fluttered about. They would return. And in greater numbers.
"That's Sand People, narrator..." Hugo sighed.
Marge went indoors and gathered up old clothes the family weren't wearing at the moment.
Comic book guy pointed out they were: Lisa's hockey T shirt from Lisa on Ice, Bart's riding jodhpurs for when he rides Furious D (He had no races at the moment), A pumpkin left over from Halloween and Grampa's hat he bought with Bea's money.
However when Marge went to put the clothes on the scarecrow she found the Flanderses were praying to it because it was simply a cross.
"Shoo! Shoo!" Marge scared the Flanderses away.
"Hehehehe! Stupid Flanders!" said Homer.
Marge dressed the scarecrow. As soon as she did the crows got scared and flew away.
"Yeah you better fly away crows!" said Marge.
"Hey look! Those racist crows from Dumbo!" said Oscar. The crows from Dumbo were with the crows.
"Well I done seen an elephant fly and I certainly done with that scarecrow! Come on boys let's get outta here! (Black guy scream)" said Jim the crow from Dumbo.
...
However that night after coming home from the tavern Homer drunk, thought the silhouette of the scarecrow was an intruder.
He screamed and ran off. "Aaaaaaagh! I should have stayed at Red Lobster!"
Then he ran back with a club and smashed up the scarecrow.
"There! You ain't pretty no more!"
The next day.
Marge wasn't pleased in the morning when she found the remains of the scarecrow and crows eating the seeds.
"Homer!" Marge told Homer off.
"I thought it was an intruder!" said Homer.
While Marge made another scarecrow the Simpsons hired Scarecrow from the wizard of Oz to stand guard over the crops. (Marge planted some more to replace the eaten ones.)
"I could while away the hours, conferrin' with the flowers. Consulting with the rain..." sang the scarecrow.
"Hey! We're not hiring you to sing!" Homer yelled.
Scarecrow went quiet.
Oscar frowned at Homer.
A new scarecrow was put up, which meant not dealing with Scarecrow's singing.
"Now Homer don't smash up this one please..." said Marge.
Homer sighed. "Fine."
Hugo lamented over the still empty field without any crops growing.
"Your field is empty, just like my heart."
"Oooooooh... Hugey..." Oscar hugged him.
Hugo groaned annoyed as tried to control his temper. He hates being touched. Let alone receiving hugs!
...
The Tomacco made the crows hyper aggressive and gave them sentience. "Tomacco! Tomacco!" some crows cawed.
Homer screamed as they attacked him and pecked his eyes.
He ended up at hospital where Dr Payne was treating him.
"Thanks doctor but can you do something about my searing pain?!" Homer asked.
"Well there is something but it might be illegal..." said Dr Payne.
"Is it a pill that goes up my butt?" Homer asked.
"I'm talking about medical cannabis Homer. It's prescribed now to treat pain and epilepsy. However the law still insists its illegal so I can't prescribe it without Chief Wiggum bursting in here and arresting me." said Dr Payne.
"Forget it. My wife and my dad are firmly against drugs!" said Homer.
"You better not be taking drugs Homer!" said an imaginary Abe in a thinking cloud as Homer thought of how his dad would react.
"What about your mother?" Dr Payne asked.
"I haven't seen her for a very long time since she had to go on the run..." said Homer.
Mona in a thinking bubble was proud of Homer. "Join us Homer. Join the hippy side of the force!"
"Oh Mom... For you I'll do it!" said Homer to his thoughts.
"Dagnabbit! I'm so disappointed in you!" Imaginary Abe yelled.
"Okay I'm not supposed to help you with this. But you can get cannabis from KFCs. They're a medical weed store now as well as selling fried chicken..." said Dr Payne.
Homer drove home with a bag of KFC.
"Tote when needed. Warning objects may appear more edible than they really are..." Homer was in the master bedroom holding a spliff and a packet containing something green. (Grounded up cannabis leaves)
Homer lit the spliff and smoked it. Disco colours appeared as he tripped hard.
Homer chuckled as he got high.
...
Marge and the kids were downstairs. They smelt the smoke.
"Oh my smoke!" said Marge.
Lisa smelt it. "Smells like the art teacher's office."
"Smells like my uncle's house!" said Oscar.
"Duh dah duh! Duh duh duh!" Homer was singing his college music for when he was in a band.
"Oh no!" Marge gasped. They all ran upstairs.
However the room the smoker came from was locked. Marge tried opening it and bashing it.
Bart shook his head and got out a credit card to Jimmy open the door.
They bursted in to find Homer smoking weed.
"Oh my! You're doing drugs!" Marge confiscated his spliff. "Agh! And now I could be done for handling them! Unless I testify against you!"
"Relax Marge, it's making my eyes better. Medical cannabis is legal in this state. I could march right up to the president and blow smoke in his stupid monkey face and he'd have to take it!" Homer explained.
"Hmmmmmmmmmm!" Marge was cross because she was in her high and mighty mood again. "If you won't listen to me then I'll get someone you will listen to! Your father!" She brought Abe in.
"(Stuttering angrily) Homer! How dare you take drugs! I oughta tan your hide with my slipper!" said Abe.
"Mom would approve!" said Homer smoking another joint.
"D'oh! He's right Marge. My dear Mona fell in with the hippy crowd... she even used to take Homer to Woodstock. Ooooh... I feared this day that he'd follow in her footsteps!" said Abe.
"Dad's a hippy? Coooool!" said Lisa. "Does that mean you'll consider going vegetarian?"
"No I'm still a meat lover tree hugger..." said Homer.
Lisa sighed.
"Lisa don't encourage your father, we're supposed to mad at him!" Marge scolded Lisa.
"Now hold on. I'd love to have a cool parent in the family always rebelling! Woohoo! Go Dad!" Bart encouraged him.
"See Marge, the kids stand by me." said Homer.
Marge grumbled and stormed off.
"Homer you're grounded!" Grampa scolded him before storming off.
"Dad I'm forty five and live in my own house with my wife and kids..." said Homer.
...
The following morning Homer got ready for work while smoking Weed. His shave came to life and had a cartoon smiley face! He shaved. Then he got in his car and drove to work. The car came to life as a smiley cartoon car in Homer's weed induced trance and the sky was rainbows!
"Um mom... it's a felony to drive while under the influence..." Lisa explained to Marge.
Marge sighed as Homer drove off high.
Homer got to work which in his visions had donuts flying out of the chimneys!
Later at one AM...
Homer was in Lisa's room listening to her saxophone playing while eating cheetos because he had the munchies. Bart came in wearing his pyjamas.
"Daaaad... I thought you hated Lisa's saxophone playing..." said Bart.
"Well now thanks to daddy's special medicine which you must never ever take or it will ruin your life! Daddy likes now." said Homer.
"Daaaaad! It's one AM and I've ran out of saliva..." said Lisa. "And its really hypocritical for you to think it's alright to smoke weed for medical reasons but wrong for Bart to take it."
"Lisa Bart's only ten and he's under my roof. When he's eighteen and under his own roof he can rebel against me just like I'm doing to my dad." said Homer.
"Nnnnnnng... Are you two still up? It's one AM!" Oscar groaned. "Hey Homer, does that stuff make you see things?"
"Well inanimate objects come to life with cute smiley faces and I see rainbows everywhere so yeah." said Homer. He toted his spliff. He looked up at Lisa's picture of Yendor and the curious Bear cub. They came to life and Yendor was riding on the bear cub as he leapt out of the painting and onto Lisa's bed. The green cartoon bear cub barked and sniffed with his big wet shiny green nose.
"Homer get out of Lisa's room and get to bed! The kids have school tomorrow!" Marge nagged.
Homer sighed and went to bed.
Bart and Oscar went to their bedrooms too.
"Lisa's jazz horn would make a great bong/pipe..." said Homer wearily as he headed to the master bedroom.
"Dad it's a saxophone and no!" Lisa yelled.
Plot 2
The next morning, (technically later that day on a twenty four hour clock) Oscar went through the mail. He got a letter from his estranged uncle.
"Ooooooh! A letter!" said Oscar.
Bart was curious.
"It's a letter from my uncle." said Oscar.
"I thought you said none of your family would speak to you after your parents died which you still haven't explained how and have given the impression you were responsible." said Bart.
Oscar ignored his interrogation. "Except Uncle Buck. He hasn't spoke to me ever since my parents barred me from seeing him because of his cannabis smoking. They think he's a bad influence..."
"Soooo... are you going to see him?" said Bart.
"Sure! I actually love him! And I like pissing off my dead parents! Can't do anything now they're ghosts!" Oscar chuckled.
Bart sighed.
Homer answered the door while smoking weed. Ned was there.
"Hi diddly ho Homer!" said Ned.
"Oh my god!" Homer gasped.
Homer was so high he mistook Ned for someone doing an impression of him.
"Now don't use the lord diddly lord's name in vain, Homerino..." said Ned.
"Now do Chief Wiggum!" said Homer holding a spliff.
Ned tried to explain he was Ned.
Homer then asked if Jesus could make a microwave burrito so hot that even he couldn't eat it.
Ned sighed.
Ned then gave him a bible.
Homer wanted him to read it to him.
Ned was so happy he agreed.
...
Ned read Homer the Bible. "The end."
"Dun dun duuuuuun!' Oscar made a dumb dramatic stinger noise in the style of Belt the sloth from The Croods.
"Wow... God does so much for us and never asks for anything in return..." said Homer.
"Well I know he'd want you to sign this petition to recriminalise Medical marijuana." said Nee.
"Okay I'll just- Waitaminute! Ned I might have an IQ of 70 but I'm not an idiot!" said Homer. "In case you haven't noticed I've been taking medicated cannabis for my eyes! Stupid crows!"
Ned gasped horrified. "You've been smoking the devil's lawn?"
"Oh great you're gonna give me a lecture too... and how can I smoke your lawn Ned Satan?!"
"Homer it's not Halloween, I'm not Satan right now..." said Ned. "Look the bible is firmly against-"
"Against my medicine?! Then take a hike and take your bible with you!" Homer kicked Ned out.
He smoked weed some more. Wore a poncho and accused Marge of bumming him out because he kept ringing the house while at work.
"Bum bum bum!" Oscar started saying bum. Again...
Bart sighed exasperated.
Then Homer started reminiscing about previous episodes or adventures.
"I knew I shouldn't have dropped out of clown college." He sighed.
"Homer stop recounting past events in our lives!" Marge nagged.
"Well um... Maggie shot Mr Burns!" said Homer.
Marge seethed annoyed.
"Ugh! I hate the colour orange! It gives me indigestion!" said Homer. He's high so some of the things he was saying were just weird.
Bart winced.
"Remember when Lisa became vegetarian?" Homer asked while high.
The Simpsons and Oscar grunted annoyed.
...
Meanwhile Mr Burns was annoyed Smithers didn't find his cruel jokes funny anymore.
"Mr Burns even I thought you went a little too far stealing a lollipop off of that baby." said Smithers.
"D'oh! Smithers I need to find someone who appreciates my jokes." said Mr Burns.
Homer bursted in laughing with pink eyes from cannabis.
"Oops! I thought this was the can!" said Homer laughing.
"You seem to be a happy Homer what's your name spirited fellow?" Mr Burns asked.
"Ha! You said it!" Homer bursted out laughing.
"Okay how's this for a rib tickler. Working hard or hardly working?" said Mr Burns.
Homer laughed hysterically.
"Smithers I shall make this jolly man my new junior vice executive!" said Mr Burns.
"Um but you promised that job to me." said Smithers.
"Oh I'd say anything to get your stem cells." said Mr Burns.
Elsewhere At Oscar's Uncle Buck's apartment.
"Hehehehe! Shemp is hemp spelt backwards..." said Buck Tamaki.
"Uh... no it's not..." said Oscar. "Hemp backwards is pmeh..."
Buck had the munchies and took a bite of a large burger.
"Uh Unk...' said Oscar.
"Dave's not here man..." said Buck.
Oscar sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose frustrated.
"Hehehe! Cheech and Chong is suddenly very funny to me now..." said Homer very high on weed as he drove home from work.
He drove into Hans Moleman knocking him flying. Because he was too high to drive.
...
Homer came home in a new black car and a suit.
"Homer where did you get that suit?" said Marge.
"I got promoted. And I owe it all to Yes I cannabis!" said Homer.
"Hmmmmm! While you were high on your drugs you left half eaten cupcakes everywhere, used up all the toilet paper and the curtains are covered in dew!" said Marge nagging him.
"Hahahaha! You sound just like that Swedish baker!" Homer laughed hysterically.
Marge sighed.
"Do not mention that baker..." Oscar frowned.
In the afternoon he laughed hysterically while watching TV.
"Hysterical laughter..." Marge noted his symptoms.
Homer got up and got loads of snacks.
"Oh no! The munchies!" She gasped.
"Mom, Dad's always eating..." said Bart.
"Oh yeah." said Marge.
Homer screamed.
"What the?!" said Marge.
"The government is reading our minds!" Homer screamed.
"Paranoia..." Oscar explained. Weed causes paranoia...
...
That night she was trying to sleep but a TV was blaring. Someone was watching late night comedies. Probably about Lucille Ball being the victim of domestic violence for cheap gags again. (Santa's Slay)
Marge got up to find Homer wasn't in bed. The attic was open with the ladder down and the sounds of the TV came from up there.
"Hmmmmm! Homer! Hugo! Turn that off and go to sleep!" Marge told them off.
She went up there to find Homer, Hugo and Otto laughing at a comedy while sat on a futon. (That's an attic couch)
"Homer why is Otto here? Where did you get that couch? And what does this have to do with healing your eyes?"
"Marge so many questions..." Homer groaned.
"I'm just here because I just found out your husband is a pothead now! Woooooo!" said Otto.
"Otto it's one AM. My kids have school tomorrow and you have to drive them..." said Marge.
"I'll call off sick..." said Otto.
Next Homer had to answer some questions. "Look I figured Hugo would like some furniture in his room so I brought him a futon." said Homer.
"How did you even get it up here? And it's smelly and falling apart! I don't want that in my house!" Marge nagged.
"Otto helped." said Hugo.
Then the news came on.
"And the campaign to recriminalise medical cannabis took a step forward today once the signatures were gathered.
The last one was Marge Simpson's.
"Aghhhhhh! You monster!" Homer screamed. "We've gotta stop that campaign! Marge bake us some veggie burritos!"
"No Guacamole in mine." said Otto.
"Hmmmmmmm! Goodnight Homer!" Marge was mad. She went back down to bed.
"You're mom's hot." said Otto.
Hugo winced feeling grossed out by Otto finding his mom hot.
...
There was a weed festival in town. Otto and Homer were there. So was Ruth Powers, Disco Stu, Seth and Munchy the vegetable growers, Oscar and his Uncle Buck. Oscar had dyed his hair green and restyled it into a cannabis leaf shape. He was being given a piggyback ride by his uncle who was clearly high.
"Screw you Mom and Dad! Whether your up above or down below! I really hope you're down below!" Oscar ranted at his dead parents.
Homer then took the stage to announce their protest and to remember to vote no in the election.
"Oh and I see a few of my wife's friends in the crowd. Smile for the video I'm sending her!" said Homer sending a live video to Marge.
Marge was furious to find Ruth at the festival.
"Mom maybe you should quit your campaign now. Dad's really into this weed now. This could really cause an argument!" said Lisa.
"Hmmmmmm! Well I really don't want to fall out with Ruth... Fine..." said Marge.
Chief Wiggum then dispersed the festival.
"Okay people you do realise it's my duty to arrest you all for possessing drugs." said Wiggum.
"No it's not! Medical marijuana is legal here!" said Homer.
"Yeah but some of you are just smoking it to enjoy it." said Wiggum. "Eddie and Lou, cuff the following. Otto, Seth and Munchy... Ruth Powers... Buck Tamaki..."
Uncle Buck was arrested.
"Uncle Buck!" Oscar cried.
This angered the weed smokers so they rioted. The riots spread to Evergreen Terrace.
"I miss when Dad was always yelling..." said Lisa. "Actually I don't know what I want."
"No you don't Brainiac..." Bart frowned at her.
...
Marge tried her least nagging tone to talk with Homer.
"Homer, your eyes are better now you don't need to still be smoking! I think your getting addicted! And you got arrested for rioting, showed me a side of my friends I don't like, We'll talk to Ruth later, and you turned the attic into a den with hippy memorabilia!"
"Well at least it looks like a home now and not a prison." said Hugo.
"Hmmmmmm! Lava lamps and Hemp posters are not decorations for a little boy's bedroom!" Marge nagged.
"Fine! I'll stop smoking Weed and clear out all my stuff from the attic." said Homer.
Homer was in the attic clearing out his stuff.
"Can I at least have the lava lamp Dad?" said Hugo.
"No now run along and play with you brother and sisters." said Homer.
"Can I still crash here?" said Otto.
"Get out." said Homer.
"Hehehehe! Remember when I dropped my keys and you thought the telephone was ringing?" Otto laughed.
Homer laughed too. But then recalled he was trying to get rid of Otto. "Get out."
Otto left.
Plot 3
"Well I like it when Homer's high! I am going to KFC with my uncle!" Oscar insisted.
Marge sighed as he went to KFC with Buck.
Buck Tamaki went in the KFC and bought some weed to smoke.
Oscar bought some fried chicken to eat.
Homer found a new way to annoy Marge. He brought in crows as some sort of mad crow man.
"Homer I don't want a flock of crows in the house..." Marge sighed as the crows perched on Homer and squawked.
"Actually it's called a murder of crows." said Homer.
Then.
"Now what are you doing?!" Marge asked as Homer and the Crows watched TV.
"The crows and I are watching Disney's Dumbo." said Homer.
"Well I dun see an elephant flyyyyyy!" The racist Disney crows from Dumbo sang.
"And the crows insist we drink this Kia Ora drink now..." said Homer with a bottle of Kia Ora orange squash with racist crows on the bottle.
Marge sighed.
Homer took the crows to Moe's tavern.
"Hey! This ain't no crow bar! This. Is a crowbar!" said Moe. He had a crowbar.
That night.
"That's Russell Crow, Cameron Crow, Crow Diddley, Hume Crow-nyn, Gregory Peck." Homer had named the crows.
Oscar laughed. "Russel Crow..."
"Homer, I'm very uncomfortable having a gang of crows in our bedroom." Marge sighed.
"It's a murder, honey. A group of crows is called a murder." Homer explained.
"I'm sleeping on the couch." said Marge getting out of bed.
"I have a solution Marge." said Oscar. "Hey, Alfred Hitchcock! Get in here!"
Alfred Hitchcock arrived in the style of Alfred Hitchcock presents.
"Good evening." said Alfred Hitchcock.
Marge rolled her eyes.
"You blubbering fool! I am the master of birds! Come to me my feathered friends!" Alfred boomed. The crows obeyed him and perched on Alfred.
"My crows!" Homer cried.
"The birds! The birds!" Oscar referenced the birds.
Marge groaned exasperated.
...
Marge was shooing the crows from her vegetables. Most which were eaten before they could grow.
"Go away! Go away!"
"Mom, what are you doing?" Lisa asked.
"I've tried everything to shoo these crows, sweetie. I've tried Heckling them... I've tried Jeckling them." said Marge.
Oscar laughed hysterically.
"What's funny now Oscar..." Lisa sighed.
"Heckle and Jeckle the Tex Avery crows!"
"Oz please... go find something to do..." Lisa groaned.
"I'm pouring myself another glass of racist crow orange juice!" said Oscar going to drink more Kia Ora.
"I better make myself a scarecrow." said Marge.
"You had one. Dad mistook it for an intruder and smashed it to pieces..." said Lisa.
Some weeks later.
Homer took his crows to Moe's again and they ate Barney apparently.
Marge checked her allotments only to find one green and lively with... cannabis!
"Nyaaaaaah!" Marge screamed and tried to dig them up.
"Hey! My weed for my uncle!" Oscar yelled.
"Oz! It is illegal to grow weed!" Lisa explained.
"My Uncle Buck likes weed!" Oscar demanded.
Marge sighed.
At Moe's.
"Look Homer ever since you were on the wacky tabbaccy you've been all space and weird..." said Moe.
"Yeah like when you carried crows everywhere with you as The Crow Man..." said Lenny.
"We were gonna have an intervention." said Carl.
"Like that time you wouldn't take off that Mexican hat..." said Oscar typing up the episode on a typewriter.
At home Marge and the kids were sat at the dining room table glad Homer had stopped taking weed and Oscar quickly put a stop to his crow obsession.
"You should've seen Hugo's face when i dutch ovened him last night!" Bart said while chuckling.
"Bart! That's disgusting!" Marge told him off.
The Rugrats didn't understand that leaves are supposed to change colour and fall off the trees in Fall.
"Oz why are you mentioning the Rugrats..." Bart sighed.
"Because you're Chuckie..." said Oscar smirking.
Bart growled annoyed.