Viewer Mail The Simpsons answer letters from the viewers. They want more character development between Oscar and Hugo, The green Gazoo from the Flintstones , Why is hank always in the basement? and more Hans Moleman...
Plot
The Simpsons are in their kitchen as Homer brings in a large pile of letters singing Mr Postman.
"Hi everyone! Today we're answering all you're wonderful letters! And uh seeing if we can grant your wishes." said Marge.
"Hey granting wishes is my thing!" said Homer as Genie. "And you folks better not ask for me to be friends with Ned or make fat jokes!"
Oscar laughed.
"Dad stop referencing that your voice actor also voices Genie..." Bart groaned.
"Never!" said Homer stubbornly.
"Well the only letters I got are more death threats from Sideshow Bob..." said Bart disappointed as several letters with blood writing saying things like "Die Bart, Die!" and "See you in Hell!" were scattered in front of him.
"Well cheer up Bart this first story involves you. The viewers wrote "More Bart episodes please. Cowabunga!" Well isn't that nice." said Marge.
"Thanks dudes. But I don't say Cowabunga that much anymore." said Bart.
"Yeah especially since Mikey from TMNT kept saying it..." said Oscar.
The story began.
One school night Marge was lovingly tucking Bart in and singing the tuck in time song.
"Tuck in time! All aboard the sleepy train to visit Mother Goose! Barty's stop is at Snoozy Lane to rest his sweet kaboose!"
Bart blushed at his mom singing childish lullabies. "Mom I'm not a little boy anymore... tuck in time is lane..."
Marge rolled her eyes at his attitude. "I suppose your too big for a night light then..." See was about to unplug his night light.
"No I need that to scare away the ghosties!" Bart whined.
Marge smiled smugly. "There's my little boy... good night!"
Bart suddenly remembered something. His class were doing a science fair event. (Like Lisa's where she made Linguo and Martin was somehow involved.) "Mom I need a favour."
"What is it sweetie?" Marge asked.
"Tomorrow is a science fair for fourth grade. I need an exhibit or model otherwise I'll fail..." said Bart.
Marge was cross with him for leaving it until the last second. "Well that's too bad! You'll just have to accept it..."
Bart made a sad face as if he was about to cry.
"Okay! I'll get you the materials!" Marge sighed.
Bart smiled.
"Okay! I'll build it for you!" Marge sighed raising her voice slightly as she was annoyed with him.
Bart had a smug grin. "Thanks Mom."
In the attic Hugo was feeding his pigeon rat (A rat and a pigeon stitched together) While looking over his science fair project. Once again he was obsessed with trying to sew himself and his twin brother, Bart, back together again.
...
Marge went to Apu's store that evening and got some stuff to build Bart's model of the human digestive system.
"Apu! I'm surprised you're open at this hour!" said Marge.
"Oh yes. At this time this is when young delinquents are obsessed with shiny objects!" said Apu.
Jimbo was playing with kitchen foil. "Wow! It's like a living mirror!"
The next day it was finished. Marge switched it on. The model gurgled and stuff was pumped through the intestines of the model to simulate the digestive system.
Lisa was admiring Bart's model. "Wow it's so life like! I wish my class was doing another science day." said Lisa.
"Um it's a little too realistic..." said Marge.
However the stomach gurgling was from Homer he was at the fridge groaning.
"Ooooh! I shouldn't have had all that chilli... Oh! Chilli!"
"Cool! Thanks Mom! See you later!" Bart took his model.
On the school bus fourth graders were playing with their science projects. Martin had a flashing brain thing, Milhouse had a hand puppet eye thing.
Hugo had two simple cloth dolls full of sawdust stitched together. He labelled them "Bart" and "Hugo".
However Nelson decided to muck about with Bart's project.
"Nelson what are you doing?!" Bart whined as he stuffed the exit of the bowels into the models mouth.
"Trying to solve world hunger!" said Nelson.
The guts of the model, made with actual pig guts inflated violently.
"You're wrecking it!" Bart whined.
Eventually Otto saw something in his rear view mirror inflating.
"It's gonna blow!" Otto yelled.
The kids screamed and Bart's model exploded covering the inside of the bus in brown stuff.
"Eeeeeeeeeew!" Everyone groaned.
Bart sat there angry and splattered with brown goop. "I hope you're happy Nelson..." Bart said frowning.
"Oh I am. But I can't help wondering where I go from here..." said Nelson.
...
Meanwhile Marge and Homer are supposed to be having dinner with Apu and Manjula but since he's not married to her yet in my Fanon they have dinner with just Apu and Homer disappointed how mild Apu's food is, despite it being extremely spicy that you can see through time...
"How is your lamb biryani Homer?" Apu asked.
"It's good but where's the heat?!" Homer asked.
"Oh Homer, it is my hottest recipe! I dare not make it any hotter. I have to consider your delicate pallet!" said Apu.
"Apu you're looking at the town's yearly grand champion of the chilli cook offs! There isn't anything too hot for my pallet!" Homer boasted.
"Homer..." Marge sighed.
"Very well Homer. I shall make you the most hottest curry ever! The Phaal!" said Apu. A studio audience gasped.
"Eh... is that hotter than a vindaloo?" Homer asked,
"Mr Simpson, a vindaloo is not an authentic Indian curry! It is an awful British invention eaten at Soccer tournaments!" said Apu.
Later he came back with a dish of a dark coloured finery bubbling curry. Even the fumes from it stung Marge's eyes.
"Homer... don't..." Marge groaned.
Homer tried it.
"Hmmmmmmm... Nah... barely tickled my throat..." The curry didn't harm Homer in anyway.
"Oh by the tusks of Ganesh! What manner of demon are you Homer?! No human can stand that! Not even a T. rex can eat that!"
"Well it might not be hot enough for me but this Phaal is delicious!" said Homer.
Marge sighed and face palmed.
...
After they got home they found Bart in a mood and splattered with brown stuff.
"Sweetie how was your science project?" Marge asked.
"Nelson blew it up..." said Bart annoyed.
"Oh dear I'm sorry sweetie..." said Marge. "But you need to run a nice long bath..." She wanted him to clean off the brown stuff from his model.
Lisa sniffed and gagged. "Mom did you have to make it actually smell like manure?!"
Bart sighed and ran himself a bath.
Marge came in to help him scrub because she does that sometimes. I know it's weird...
"Mom?" Bart asked.
"Yes dear?" Marge asked.
"I'm sorry about saying tuck in time is lame..." said Bart as she scrubbed his hair.
"That's okay dear." said Marge.
"Don't ever stop tuck in time. In fact I could really go for the whole soppy kid routine! The bed time story, the smotherly stuff, the teddy bear..." said Bart.
Marge smiled. "I'll see what I can do sweetie!"
That nightafter his bath Bart got his pyjamas on. Choosing to wear his cute sleeper from Lisa on Ice.
"Before I tuck you in you have to pray to God sweetie." said Marge somewhere in the house.
"Yes Mom..." said Bart.
Meanwhile Homer was telling Lisa a bedtime story about a handsome prince trying to find a bathroom to go to the toilet but an ugly troll called Barney wouldn't let him.
"Dad that's not a story... that's what happened last night when you went to Moe's..." said Lisa.
"And then the handsome prince went to sleep for one hundred years only to be woken with a kiss from a rabid raccoon..." said Homer.
Lisa sighed.
Back in Bart's room, Bart was praying to God.
"And thanks for protecting me from bad grown up stuff that might distract me from being a kid." said Bart.
"And for giving us all healthy vegetables!" Marge added hugging Bart.
"Amen." Bart finished his prayer. "PS please kill Sideshow Bob."
Marge grumbled disappointed in Bart as he got into bed.
However she let this go to give him the full smotherly stuff. The works...
She set up his safety bars on his bed. Bart watched while cuddling his teddy bear that somehow is magically alive like Oscar's.
Marge read him a sappy story book. Probably Happy Little Elves or something. However Bart grimaced as his teddy bear went under the covers and sniffed his crotch. He honked the bear's big wet shiny black nose to stop him.
Marge then sang the tuck in time song and tickled Bart's feet before kissing him good night.
She put on his night light and turned out his main lights. However he was hugging his teddy bear and sucking his thumb.
"Sweetie don't suck your thumb or I'll give you a pacifier..." Marge sighed.
...
Then she gave Lisa a proper bed time story as she was disappointed with Homer's reaccount of one of his drunken nights at Moe's.
"Mom... Don't you find Bart's enthusiasm for kiddy stuff just the slightest suspicious..." Lisa asked.
"No why sweetie?." Marge asked.
"Because he was asking for that shortly after he mysteriously got that Bonestorm video game..." Lisa asked.
"Hmmmmm... don't be jealous of your brother dear." Marge replied.
Lisa sighed annoyed.
...
Marge and Homer talked in bed.
"Bart made me feel so nostalgic. Remember how lucky we were to have five long years of him being our special little guy?" asked Marge.
"You mean acting like a wimpy sap who wouldn't use the bathroom until he was five then yes." said Homer.
"Hmmmmm! Homer you may have got the brunt of Bart's bad behaviour but I had the loveliest time with m first born! The tuck in times, kissing his boo boos..."
"I think I'm gonna be sick..." Homer gagged as if he was really about to be sick.
Marge sighed and went to sleep. She dreamt of all years Bart was a toddler, sure he developed slower but she liked having that extra time changing him and other baby stuff.
In the dream Bart woke up sleepily as Marge pulled down his pyjama bottoms to check his diaper. He complained of having a yucky doody. He had messed himself.
Then after his diaper got changed he was standing in his room with just his pyjama top and a diaper on picking at his belly button.
"Sweetie don't pick." said Marge. Bart grinned showing off gaps where his baby teeth had fallen out.
Then one afternoon he was in his playpen in a diaper playing with a toy. It involved hammering shapes into their correct holes.
Then one nap time she found Bart stood on his giant teddy bear's stomach pulling at his boogers because he got stuck stuffing his hands up his nose.
Toddler Bart groaned as he struggled to get free.
Marge sighed and pulled him free of the snot.
"It's gooey up there!" said Bart.
A d this sappy babyish behaviour continued until he was five apparently as Marge later implies Bart wore diapers until he was five.
The end!
Plot 2
"Okay that was extremely sappy..." Bart sighed.
"I thought it was cute!" said Oscar.
Bart rolled his eyes.
"Oz I told you! Boys do not find things cute! They like gross violent things and zombies!" Bart sighed,
"Our next letter reads "What's the deal with Hugo? Isn't he just another Bart? Give him a unique character..." said Lisa reading a viewer letter.
"I did..." Oscar glared at the fourth wall.
The story began with Bart and Oscar fighting over the TV remote.
"Mine!"
"No Mine!"
"No mine!"
"Mine!"
"No mine!"
"Mine!"
Oscar decided to end the argument by zapping Bart with the radioactive remote control from Treehouse of Horror IX's Terror of Tiny Toon.
Bart got turned into the Buzz Candy/Sweets mascot. It looks like a Bart head wearing sunglasses with a big red shiny clown nose.
Bart grimaced and grabbed the remote they zapped each other into things...
Hugo came in. He got zapped into a giraffe-a-pus. A giraffe octopus hybrid from Lisa's imagination.
"Right that's it! Gimme that!" said Girrafe octopus Hugo grabbing the radioactive super remote with his tentacle and returned all three of them to normal.
"If you want someone to blame for this mess Hugo it was Oscar's fault! He started it." said Bart.
"Did not!" Oscar replied.
"Did too!"
"Did not!"
"Did too!"
"Did not!"
"Okay enough!" Hugo yelled. They stopped bickering. "I don't want to see my brother and my best friend arguing like that!"
"Oscar's your best friend?!" Bart asked.
"Of course! I owe my buddy for rescuing me from spending my life locked away like a freakish unwanted child!" said Hugo. "He's the only one to show me compassion."
"The only compassion you show is kidnapping me, tying me to the pool table in the attic and trying to sew us back together..." said Bart to Hugo. Then he had something to say about Oscar.
"And that's not fair! Oscar was my friend first! Until he upset my parents forcing them to accept all my admittingly selfish desires..."
"Hey don't blame him or wanting to help! You shouldn't ask for things you're not allowed then!" Hugo replied.
"Yeah!" said Oscar.
"Oz you can't befriend him! He's a dangerous psychopath!" Bart tried to reinforce the point that the first thing Hugo did upon escaping the attic was to kidnap Bart and try to perform surgery on him.
"Well I am! And besides I've already given him a pet name. Hugy. (Pronounced Hue/Hugh - Gee with a hard G)" said Oscar. "Hugyyyy..." he said making that voice he does when he sees a soccer ball with pentagons on it or a dolpha or the egg council guy. That meant Oscar's Aspergers was taking hold. Hugo smiled sheepishly and stroked Oscar.
"Oscar..." Bart sighed.
"What?" said Oscar annoyed.
"Never mind..." said Bart.
Hugo was browsing through the TV channels.
...
It was lunch time. Marge wondered where Hugo and Oscar were.
"They're in the attic aka Hugo's science lab playing scientists..." said Bart. Groaning and cringing.
Actually Oscar messed up one of Hugo's experiments causing it to blow up in Hugo's face when he tried mixing two chemicals together. Hugo sighed as he was covered in soot and his hair stuck up from the force of the explosion and it shattered his safety goggles.
'Nice going Oz..."
"Good for them. Now the actual Simpson family can have lunch in piece without non canon characters..." said Homer as the Simpsons sat in the kitchen.
"Homer! Hugo's our son whether you like it or not!" said Marge scolding him.
Homer groaned.
Marge went up to the attic to fetch Hugo and Oscar. She found them in a comical situation. A green tentacle from an experiment of Hugo's was strangling Oscar while Hugo was fighting with it.
"Let him go!" Hugo yelled.
"Uh... Sweetie it's lunch time... you can play scientist later..." said Marge.
"Awww... can't I eat it up here in a bucket?" Hugo asked.
"No it's not bucket food..." said Marge.
Hugo sighed and zapped the tentacle with a ray gun so it released Oscar.
"Come on Oz, lunchtime." said Hugo going downstairs.
...
After lunch Hugo sat down next to Bart in the lounge and put his feet on the table.
"Hugo get your feet off the table and put some shoes on..." Bart groaned as Hugo's feet stank. In fact only thing of his that stank worse were his fish heads he sometimes ate by the bucket load.
"No." Hugo replied with a smug grin.
Bart growled annoyed as he tried to watch Itchy and Scratchy and drink his squishee.
Unfortunately for the Simpsons Hugo greatly disliked shoes. Everywhere he went, he went bare foot. Out for dinner be it smart or off to a fast food restaurant, to school or even to church...
There's a montage of him doing just that...
There was a ring at the door. At the door was the black and red haired goth/grunger kid from the episode Paths of Glory.
"Flame? What brings you round here? Oscar asked greeting his friend.
"I heard around Bart's Dad thinks of himself as a chilli eating champion and has been humiliating everyone. I've come to take him down a peg!" said Flane Magmarashi.
"Oh cooool! Bart, you've met Flame right? He has a tongue like asbestos! Not the cancer causing form, the fire proof form. He can eat anything hot! Even molten lava!" said Oscar boasting about his friend.
"Oh stop! No need to flatter me Oz!" Flame giggled.
Bart sighed. "Haven't you heard? Hugo's his new best friend apparently..." said Bart.
"You're really attached to that kid aren't you..." Flame asked Oscar. "What next you give Peter Shepherd an evil twin brother?"
"Nope. I make his cartoon mud monster Mudboy appear more often!" Oscar replied.
His friends sighed at his obsessions.
"Come in. I want to see Homer get humiliated! It's funny!" said Oscar welcoming Flame in.
...
Homer met Flame.
"Oh yeah? I challenge you to a chilli eating contest!" Homer demanded Flame.
"Very well... no holds barred. It can be any hot food i.e. Chilli, chilli sauce, chilli peppers, mustard, wasabi, horse radish..." Flame listed.
"Hey we could do an all you can eat cook off! But with lethally spicy food!" said Homer eagerly.
"Hey no fair. There'll be nothing anyone else could eat..." Bart explained.
"Okay there can be a buffet table for pansies and plenty to drink..."
"Ooooh I think there'll be some competition Homer from what I here who were taking part in the last chilli cook off..." said Flame mentioning Chief Wiggum, Moe and Flanders...
"Wiggum can cook a great chilli, he actually beat me fair and square... not that I lke to admit... but I cheated with candle wax and beat him anyway! Hehehe!" said Homer.
Flame frowned.
"And then you tripped really hard on his insanity peppers..." said Bart.
"Well no lacquering your mouth with candle wax! If you can't handle the heat you lose..." said Flame.
Homer scoffed and huffed.
...
The town soon got word and everyone got a buffet and hot food cook off ready. A very impressive one at that.
Apu made curries, curries and more curries. (And other Indian food). Bumblebee man made the spiciest Mexican food.
"Muchos Kaliente!" He said joyfully. Kaliente and picante are Hispanic words for hot foods.
Akira made spicy Japanese food. That's where wasabi comes from!
"Um I'm sure other stereotypes living in Springfield have their own spicy food Oscar..." Lisa sighed.
"Uh... what country is buffalo wing then?"
"Uh... Tex mex?!" Lisa asked.
"No hot wings are loved all over America..." Homer corrected her. Okay... someone made wings...
"I'll make vegetarian stuff for any vegetarians and vegans. "Isn't it fascinating that you meat lovers can only get your food spicy with the formidable power of plants?" Lisa said smugly.
"No not really..." said Bart. as they got ready.
"Uh Homer... why are you inviting everyone that tried to kill you at that all you can eat buffet...? (Guess Who's Coming to Criticize Dinner?)" Oscar asked.
"Oh I've already forgiven them..." said Homer.
"Okay. Suit yourself." said Oscar.
...
Uh... This is supposed to a Hugo centric story...
Okay...
Once the festival got on its way everyone who wasn't cooking went about trying the foods.
At Akira's stall.
"Oh! Takoyaki!" said Oscar about to take a takoyaki (octopus dumpling).
"Ugh! Oscar that's octopus..." Bart groaned.
"I'd be careful my young students. This is no ordinary platter of takoyaki! I call it Russian roulette Takoyaki!" said Akira. "Most of them are normal takoyaki... but one contains wasabi!"
"Ooooooh!" said Bart and Oscar.
"I propose as an experiment we try them anyway." said Hugo. "It would be funny if Bart got the wasabi one."
"Hey we could copy Trunks and Goten!" said Oscar making references.
"Hey just because we're always eating at dinner parties or festivals you have to reference us..." said Trunks.
"And because you both had takoyaki." said Oscar.
"Well I'm hungry even if it is octopus balls!" said Bart. They all took a takoyaki each. Fortunately for them or unfortunately for the sake of humour none of the takoyaki they ate had wasabi in them.
However Milhouse came over.
"Oh! Oriental food!" said Milhouse. He took a takoyaki and ate it. Suddenly he started sweating, muffling and his face went bright red... "Waaaaaaaaaaaaa!" He screamed and breathed fire before running away.
"Wasabi..." Bart said with a grin.
...
Bart, Hugo and Oscar watched Homer and Flame try hotdogs. Homer was quite happy with just a line of mustard and ketchup along the hotdog's sausage.
However Flame covered his in ridiculous amounts of toppings, particularly hot sauces such a mustard, conventional "Hot sauce" and then he got out a sealed chemical container for transporting dangerous chemicals and was wearing a hazmat suit as he used tongs to carry the contents of the chemical container, a tiny red bottle of presumably powerful hot sauce and poured a drop on his hot dog.
"That's not a lot of that fancy stuff you put on." said Homer. "Is it expensive?"
"Not at all. I only use a drop because this stuff is lethal!" Flame explained the unusually transported hot sauce that had to be contained in such a way was because it was extremely hot!
They had their hotdogs.
"I think we should all try some of Flame's magic sauce..." Homer stupidly suggested.
"Uh I wouldn't. Only I can handle it. It is way too potent for any of you..." Flame explained.
"Fine..." Homer sighed.
Afterwards Hugo was studying something with a microscope.
Lisa frowned. "You're not taking science the slightest bit seriously! You keep going on about being a mad scientist and sewing animals together!"
"Mad scientist is a field of science..." said Hugo smugly.
Lisa sighed.
Homer then put on his chilli champion boots and went off to try the chilli.
Plot 3
"Here's another letter." Homer read a letter. "What's the deal with Hans Moleman?" Homer chuckled. "Well he's not quite a man and not quite a mole... but damn! He's hilarious!" Homer was laughing hysterically.
The rest of the family sighed.
"How about showing a montage or something Bucko..." said Bart.
There was a montage of Hans Moleman suffering mishaps. Including when he got hit in the groin with a football.
"Here's another! You said you were gonna make Treehouse of Horror episodes canon. All I'm seeing is Kang and Kodos and Hugo." said Lisa reading another viewer's letter.
"And vampire Bart." said Oscar. Bart grinned as he showed off his fangs "and Stretchdude and Clobbergirl and wizard Bart and Witch Lisa." Oscar corrected the letter. "What more do you people want?!"
"That haunted house?"
"The shinning?"
"3D Homer?" The Simpsons asked.
"Okay for the Halloweenies out there this is a little story I call the Monster Mash." said Oscar.
To the song the Monster Mash was a montage of scenes with Oscar and various Treehouse of Horror characters and settings and generally Halloween stuff.
The haunted house from Bad Dream House scared Oscar with sheet ghosts.
Oscar yawned bored.
Then Oscar was grave robbing but Dracula popped out of a coffin and went "Bleh!"
Then he was howling with Werewolf Flanders.
Then he was doing the Thriller dance with zombies.
"You really like Halloween don't ya Oscar..." said Bart.
"Of course! You get to dress up as monsters... eat candy... there are some awesome Halloween themed or spooky themed cartoons..." said Oscar.
"Uh no most of them are kinda kooky..." said Bart.
"And unoriginalllll." A Jewish ghost said.
They both screamed
"What I was making a point." The Jewish ghost said. "Oy vey!"
Hugo winced.
Then Sloth from the Goonies arrived.
"Heeeeeey you guuuuuuuye!" He yelled and chuckled.
Bart winced. Okay these cameos are starting to get annoying...
"Look! Just do something about your toons Oz! Anything!" Bart groaned.
...
The third story.
Toon world.
Young toons, both humanoid and furries, were entering the Warners Looniversity. A school for young toons.
Elmyra Duff-
"Mmmmmm! Duff Beer..." Homer moaned with joy.
Homer don't interrupt! Ahem, Elmyra Duff was a young girl toon obsessed with cute animals and trying to cuddle them. Unfortunately she hugs them too tightly...
"Awwwwwww! Fuzzy bunny!" She was chasing Buster and Babs... They fled in fear.
"Ahem! I would like to say we have the same trouble with Oscar, finding us cute and being all soppy..." said one of Oscar's cartoon animal Pokemon parody critters. Possibly one of the Growlches.
"Haaaaaaaaaawwwww! Cuddly wuddly teddy bear!" Oscar squealed while hugging Teddy, the living teddy bear creature too tightly.
"Help... Me...!" Teddy cried.
Quiffy winced as he followed the other toons inside.
In class.
The toons sat at their desks.
Unfortunately Clownja cannot pick up his pencil as he has no arms or hands.
Clownja, a jack in a box thing with a cartoon clown head solemnly looked at his pencils.
And there were French accented skunks for some reason!
"Onhonhonhon! Sacre bleu!" said a French accented skunk toon.
"Could be a diaper wearing skunk toon..." said Oscar pointing to a cartoon skunk wearing a diaper. I'm sure that makes more sense. Since skunks are known for being stinky. Not for impersonating the French or being found in France...
Bugs Bunny was the teacher. "Dah what's up class?"
...
After class. Which involves dropping anvils on top of each other.
The toons headed to recess.
There were bunnies being the main characters.
"I want bears with big wet shiny black noses as the main characters!" Oscar squeaked.
That's why Teddy is his main toon and not a colourful rabbit toon.
Buster winced.
And Tasmanian devils that can spin fast enough to create a miniature tornado.
Dizzy Devil was spinning about a purple tornado.
And cartoon slime monsters.
There was a cartoon slime monster leaving a trail of slime.
Story 4 should be something like Animaniacs.
The Animaniacs winced baffled.
Well they're from the same generation as the Tiny Toons and Oscar's toons so they're probably pupils at Acme Looniversity too.