The spring weather was finally starting to sink in. Harry laid in the grass underneath a tree by the lake. He closed his eyes, allowing the breeze to play across his face, listening to the sound of the water gently rippling in the distance. It was peaceful. Yet…Harry sighed. He couldn't understand why he had been feeling so down lately…everything had been going really well for him: His therapy sessions were going great, his academics were improving, and they were one game away from winning the Quidditch cup.

"Harry?"

Harry opened his eyes to find Seamus' smiling face looking down at him. He reached his hand down and Harry allowed Seamus to help him sit up. He took a seat next to Harry and placed his head on his shoulder. Harry grabbed Seamus' hand, giving it a squeeze.

"What are you doing out here by yourself?" Seamus asked.

"Just thinking," Harry sighed. He laid his head on top of Seamus', breathing in his scent.

"Good things, I hope?" Seamus asked, a slight chuckle in his voice. When Harry didn't answer, he gave his hand a little squeeze. "Baby?"

"I'm not having bad thoughts, I promise…" Harry said after a while. "But they're not good either."

Harry lifted his head to allow Seamus up: He looked at Harry, concerned. "What's going on?"

"Seamus…I don't know, to be honest. I mean, everything is going pretty well. But for some reason, I just feel…I just feel so down…and – and a little sad, I guess." He looked into Seamus' beautiful eyes and gave a sad smile. "It's stupid, I know –"

"No, Harry, it's not stupid." Seamus said, putting his forehead to Harry's. "You're suffered greatly this year both physically and mentally. Your body is used to constant adrenaline and now that things are settling down, your body doesn't know how to react."

"So am I just going to be feeling like this all the time?" Harry asked, hoping that wasn't the case.

"Of course not! You just need to get used to the idea that you're allowed to be happy. You're allowed to be comfortable in the dullness of life as well as the excitement. It doesn't always have to be an all or nothing situation."

"Why are you so damn smart?" Harry whispered, smiling. He gave Seamus' nose a little kiss.

"Because I pay attention to my dad when most kids probably wouldn't," Seamus chuckled softly. He put his hands on either side of Harry's face, gently rubbing his cheeks with his thumbs. "Sometimes I can't believe how lucky I am to have you."

Harry could feel tears filling his eyes: He felt the exact same way about Seamus – sometimes he even felt he didn't deserve him. But he didn't let his boyfriend know this. He embraced Seamus in a tight hug, never wanting to let go. "I love you so much, Seamus."

"I love you too, Harry," Seamus said into Harry's hair.

"You promise?"

"Forever and always," Seamus chuckled. They laid down in the grass, holding each other, and taking in the beautiful weather.

Later that night, after dinner, Harry made his way to the hospital wing: He had his therapy session with McGonagall and Pomfrey. Harry had to admit he was skeptical when he first started these sessions, but he did feel better each time he had one. He walked up to Pomfrey's office door and knocked. There was a brief, "enter," and he opened the door.

"Hello Harry. Please sit down, Professor McGonagall will be here in a moment." Madame Pomfrey said from behind her desk. Harry took his seat and casually looked around the office, not knowing what to do. They usually started the moment he sat down. He didn't feel uncomfortable with Madame Pomfrey – he just felt – safer? – when McGonagall was around.

"So sorry I am late," Professor McGonagall walked through the door just then. "Let's get started, shall we." McGonagal made herself comfortable in a chair across from Harry. He watched as she took out parchment and a quill, preparing her notes for the session. "Well, Harry. How have things been going since we last spoke?"

"Things have been going well, but…" Harry hesitated. The two women watched him closely. "I've been feeling kind of sad lately."

"Oh? Please explain." McGonagall said, watching Harry closely.

"Well…I was talking to Seamus about it today. He said that my body is so used to being on high alert, that now that things are settling down, it doesn't know how to relax –"

"Smart kid," Pomfrey said, exchanging glances with McGonagall. "He's right, Harry. You've been hyper-vigilant for such a long time; your body doesn't understand how to calm down just yet."

"And there is such a thing as being addicted to your own stress hormones as well. Your body could be looking for any excuse to find something to be sad about, to find something to happen to reproduce those feelings." McGonagall explained.

"But I don't want to feel this way. I just want to be happy like everyone else," Harry said. "Everything is going well! I'm doing great in my studies, Quidditch is awesome, my friends have been there for me, and I have the most fantastic boyfriend in the world! Why can't my body understand that?"

"I understand your frustration, Harry," McGonagall said softly. "It's just going to take time. And I know you don't like hearing that."

Harry sighed and nodded. He hated when things took time. "I understand. It's just frustrating. Sometimes – " Harry stopped, not sure if he should say what he wanted to say.

"Sometimes what?" Pomfrey prompted.

Harry looked up at the two women, who were looking at him expectantly. He looked down at his knees. "Sometimes I feel like….like I'm not meant to be happy. It feels like – like I'm experiencing the calm before the storm."

"Of course, you're allowed to be happy, Harry!" Professor McGonagall gave him a kind smile. "You've experiences more tragedies and hardship than most adults and you're only fifteen. Of course you're going to feel this way. But I promise you, that is not the case."

Harry was about to say something when his scar gave a jolt and his whole body twitched. He closed his eyes for a moment as he got a brief flash of a vision, though he couldn't quite make out what it was. He opened his eyes, and the two women were looking at him in concern.

"Are you ok, Harry?" McGonagall asked.

Harry nodded as he rubbed his scar. "Yes. A-a vision was trying to come through…."

"And you were able to block it?" Pomfrey asked.

"Mostly. It's been happening more frequently – these visions. But I've been able to block them, sort of…at least I'm not passing out."

"So these lessons with Professor Snape have been going better for you?" Professor McGonagall prompted.

Harry nodded. After his fight with Seamus and being admitted into the hospital wing for a few days, McGonagall was able to convince Snape to resume his lessons with Harry. Harry wasn't exactly sure what she said to Snape, but he seemed to show more patience with him – something Harry didn't think was capable of.

"Good. And the headaches have stopped as well?" Madame Pomfrey prompted.

"Yes, thankfully. I just get a tinge in my scar every now and then, but that's it." Harry explained.

"Good. Is there anything else you would like to talk about? Doesn't have to be negative – anything good we can reflect on?" Professor McGonagall asked, writing something down.

"I don't think so. I mean – like I said, things are going pretty well –"

"And you and Seamus? You two are still going strong?"

Harry smiled widely. "Of course. He's been the greatest. He's been so patient with me…so helpful…and I love him so much for it."

The two women exchanged smiles. "We can see how much Seamus has helped you, Harry. I don't think I've ever seen two students who were more right for each other." Madame Pomfrey said.

"It's funny…rooming with him for four years, I didn't think we were going to end up together. I don't know if I would have survived if we didn't."

"What do you mean?" McGonagall asked, confused.

Harry's heart started pumping slightly fast as he realized what he said – for he never even told Seamus this. Harry looked at McGonagall nervously.

"You know anything you say in here Harry, stays in here. We are a judgement free zone," Pomfrey said softly.

Harry nodded and swallowed. "I, um…I was in a very dark place when Seamus found me that day…you know, when he stopped me cutting myself…I…I was thinking very dark things – things that terrified me. But I couldn't get them to stop. There were days…." Harry could feel his eyes watering in shame, his lip quivering as the emotion rose in his throat. "There were days where I was very close to just ending it."

Harry couldn't bear to look up as he felt the tears falling down. He never admitted that to anyone for fear of being judged…for fear of being sent away…of being seen as crazy…Harry jumped a little when he felt pair of arms wrapping around him, and he realized that McGonagall was hugging him. He had never known the professor to show this kind of physical compassion before. Harry embraced her back, tears streaming down his face. When McGonagall let go, Harry could see a tear twinkling in her own eye.

"Do you feel better letting that out in the open?" Pomfrey asked, dabbing her own eye with a tissue. Harry nodded, wiping his eyes on his sleeves.

"And you don't feel like that anymore?" McGonagall asked, accepting a tissue from Pomfrey.

"No. The very thought scares me now," Harry said, and it was true. It had been such a long time since Harry had those thoughts that just thinking how he felt back then terrified him.

Overall, it was a very good therapy session. Harry ended the session as he always had: With a sip of a calming drought to ease any residual anxiety and a physical arm check from Madame Pomfrey to make sure there weren't any more scars. It had been months since Harry did anything to himself, and the older scars were starting to fade slightly.

Harry made his way back to Gryffindor Tower to give Seamus the biggest hug – it was part of his ritual after every session. When he walked through the portrait hole, he was surprised to find only Hermione and Ron down there – usually Seamus was waiting for him as well. When he approached the two, they stood up, looking distressed.

"Something's wrong," Harry said. It wasn't a question. "Where's Seamus?"

"He's upstairs with Dean," Hermione said, sounding teary.

Harry didn't wait for an explanation as he ran up the boys' staircase and into his dorm. He found Seamus crying hysterically on his bed, Dean's arms wrapped around him.

"Shay! What happened?!" Harry rushed over to the two, sitting on the other side of his boyfriend. Seamus pulled himself from Dean's grasp and into Harry's, continuously crying. Harry held him tightly and looked at Dean, who also looked distraught.

"Seamus' grandma passed away this morning," Dean explained. Harry's eyes filled with tears as he laid his head on top of Seamus'.

"Oh baby! I'm – I'm so sorry!" Harry said tearfully. He didn't know what else to say. He knew Seamus was very close with his grandmother. He and Dean exchanged looks as Seamus continuously cried, not being able to say a single word.