Journey to the Pest Shortly after converting over to Buddhism Lisa spends her Sunday mornings with Richard Gere at his temple. One Sunday she brought Oscar and they told stories of eastern mythology. Basically Buddha is the closest thing to a prophet in Buddhism, The Mara/Namuche is the closest thing to the Devil in Buddhism and eastern mythology stretching back to ancient times and Taoism has cool stories like Journey to the West which has Monkey Hero in it!
Meanwhile the Simpsons have a serious badger problem but the area code was split so the phones don't work.
Plot
The chalkboard gag is "I will not plant subliminal messaGores. Hidden in each line in green chalk is the name Al Gore.
The couch gag is Bart putting a whoopee cushion down where Homer sits. Homer sits on it and a fart is heard. Homer smiles sheepishly at a frowning Marge and the kids laugh hysterically.
...
The episode starts as in A Tale of Two Springfields.
"Here you go, boy. Soup's on." Homer said feeding the dog. [Growling] There was something monstrous in his dog house. "Whoa!" said Homer.
[Whimpering] Santa's Little Helper was whimpering and was scared of what was in his dog house as he refused to go in there.
"Hmm? Hmm? Hmm? Hey, if you're out here, then who's in there?" Homer asked the dog. [Growling] There was an angry badger in there.
"Whoa, a badger! Sorry, man. You can't crash here. Come on, let's go." Homer asked the badger.
"Yeah man, you wouldn't let me crash with you..." said Todd the fox from Disney's The Fox and the Hound.
"Shut up Todd..." Homer groaned. "Come on Badger..."
[Snarling] it snarled and lunged at Homer.
[Whimpering] Homer whimpered. "Well, boy, looks like you got yourself a roommate." said Homer.
[Whimpering intensifies] The dog whimpered.
The kids soon learned the news.
[Snarling] The badger snarled as Bart looked in the doghouse.
"Ay carumba! There is definitely a badger in there! I think he's rabid..." said Bart.
"Badger Badger Badger! Mushroom! Mushroom! Badger Badger Badger..." Oscar was singing the badger meme.
"No Oz! No memes!" Bart groaned.
[Grunting] "Come on, Lise. There's gotta be a way to lure that badger out." Homer asked whining.
"Well, according to WhatBadgersEat. Com... "Badgers subsist primarily on a diet of stoats, voles and marmots."" said Lisa reading a book.
"Mmmmmmmmm! Stoats..." Homer moaned with hunger and drooled.
"Hmm, stoats. Stoats." said Bart pondering.
"Stoats are weasels, Bart. They don't come in cans." Lisa sighed exasperated as Bart was rummaging through the canned goods cupboard. Where the canned corn lives.
"Then what's this?" Bart asked holding a can of corn.
"That says "corn," Bart." Lisa sighed.
"Must you embarrass me?" Bart groaned.
"Oh yeah? What's this then?" Oscar asked holding a can of canned stoats.
"That's Canned Stoat! Where the devil did you get that?!" Lisa asked.
"I dunno..." said Oscar.
Outside.
"Here we are. "In a pinch, badgers have been known to eat woodpeckers."" said Lisa reading her book again.
"Perfect! Hey, Todd. Can we borrow your woodpecker?" Bart asked Todd. Rod and Todd were celebrating a birthday party for the woodpecker as it had a party hat on.
"I guess so. But we need him back by 6:00. It's his birthday." said Todd.
"Okay." said Bart holding the woodpecker.
[Squawks] it squawked and flapped.
[Humming] Bart hummed as he bought the bird to the dog house.
[Growling] The dog house growled because of the badger inside.
[Squawking] The woodpecker squawked and panicked. In fright he broke out of Bart's grip and pecked him in a cartoon manner.
[Yelling] "Ow!" Bart whined
[Laughs Like Woody Woodpecker] The woodpecker laughed like Woody Woodpecker until he flew into a bug zapper lamp and got zapped. He flew sheepishly back to the Flanders back yard.
Oscar laughed hysterically. "Hehehehe! Woody Woodpecker..."
...
Bart and Lisa sat on the back steps defeated.
"Now what? Where are we gonna find a stoat round here..." Bart sighed.
"You guys are both fools... Everyone knows badgers love mashed potatoes..." said Oscar being silly.
"Oz no!" Bart groaned.
"Bodger and Badger..." Oscar sang. He's British and he likes childish baby programmes.
Bart groaned and covered his face with his palms in embarrassment growling slightly.
Later. The kids are still pondering.
"Hmm." They murmured while pondering.
[Humming] Homer came out humming. He was astonished they were still outside and hadn't given up and went inside to watch cartoons.
"Television broken?" He asked.
"No. There's a badger in there." said Bart.
Homer ought to know that as he found the badger. But this is Homer we're talking about.
"Badger, my ass. It's probably Milhouse." said Homer. "Milhouse. Milhouse!" He crawled in the doghouse [Snarling] The badger attacked him violently! [Screaming] Homer screamed as he was mauled.
"Daaaaad!" Bart and Lisa yelled.
[Gasping, Whimpering] Homer emerged a little worse for wear and scratched up. "It's a badger, all right, or possibly a griffin."
"Coooooool! A griffin!" said Oscar.
"No Dad, that's a griffin." said Lisa as there was suddenly a griffin resting in the backyard.
[Hawk screeching] The griffin screeched.
"Do you have any dynamite?" Homer asked the kids.
"Tons." said Bart.
"Get it." said Homer.
"No, Dad. We don't want to kill him." Lisa whined.
"Correction, you don't want us to kill him. We do..." said Bart.
"Bart! We're not killing it! Let's call Animal Control." said Lisa.
"Great idea. Then we should call the doctor about this." said Homer pulling up his shirt. The badger had ripped off all the skin on his stomach and chest, exposing his internal organs.
"Eeeeeeeeew!" The kids cried in disgust.
"How did the badger do that without ripping your shirt?" asked Bart.
"What am I, a tailor?" Homer asked.
Oscar pointed up with his finger to speak.
"Oz I swear if you say anything involving Rip Taylor..." Bart growled.
...
Anyway the Simpsons soon find out the mayor divided the town into two area codes so they couldn't phone each other without putting in a special code. Homer was outraged by this minor inconvenience and protested against it all episode! He even built a Berlin Wall dividing up the town.
[The phone rings the out of area tone.]
Homer screams and curls up into foetal position whimpering.
"Well we tried animal control. I'll get the dynamite..." said Bart.
"No! We're not killing the badger!" Lisa screamed. "Besides! Brian Blessed won't let you because he likes badgers and other wildlife!"
"Oh hell no!" Bart groaned.
"WOULD ANYONE LIKE A JAM SANDWICH? GORDON'S ALIVE!" Brian Blessed suddenly stormed in shouting.
Bart glared at Lisa.
"I'm sorry! I didn't know he was that zany..." said Lisa.
"I think you should leave and go temple or something so I can get rid of the stupid badger!" Bart yelled. "And take Brian Blessed with you!" He added as Lisa got her coat.
Lisa sighed and went to Richard Gere's temple with Oscar.
He spent the entire journey singing Bodger and Badger.
They arrived and found Richard Gere raking the sand of the Zen garden.
"Hey Lisa, hey Oscar." said Richard Gere.
"Hey Richard." said Lisa.
"Oh shoot!" Oscar groaned.
"What is it Oz?" Lisa asked.
"It's Peter Griffin being annoying again..." Oscar groaned as Peter Griffin was there.
"Nyehehehehe! Richard are we having an Easter egg hunt? Because I know where you hid an egg..." Peter giggled.
"Peter I swear if you say up my butt..." Richard seethed.
"I'll handle this Richard..." said Oscar. He got out his boom box radio and put in a tape and pressed play. Suddenly Paula Cole singing Where Have All The Cowboys Gone? filled the temple.
(Singing)
"Aaaaaaaagh! It burns! Make it it stop! Make it stop!" Peter Griffin screamed and fled. Never to return.
"Phew! Thanks Oz." said Lisa as Oscar switched off his radio and put it away.
"Anyway, the monks are praying today kids so um find something to read in the temple library." said Richard Gere.
Lisa gasped with joy. "The temple has a library?!"
...
At the Simpsons house.
"Oh, my life is ruined!" Homer whined.
"Geez, you just have to remember three extra numbers." Marge sighed.
"Oh, if only it were that easy, Marge." Homer sighed.
[Growling] The badger was at the window growling.
"Go away! We got bigger problems now!" Homer yelled at the badger.
"I just want some mashed potato! You! You bumhead!" The badger could suddenly talk and insulted Homer with juvenile insults he'd expect from Oscar.
...
At Moe's.
"What really burns me up is they didn't give us one word of warning!" Homer whined as he spent all evening griping about the area code.
"What do you mean? They ran those TV commercials about it and that big radio campaign." said Carl.
"Don't forget the leaflets they dropped from the space shuttle." said Barney.
"And the two weeks we all spent at area code camp." said Lenny.
"Lenny that was a concentration/Death camp!" said Oscar.
"I very much doubt that Oz..." said Homer.
"Not a single word of warning." Homer muttered to himself but loud enough for his friends to hear.
"And traffic's all backed up due to a mattress on the freeway." said Kent as Moe had the news on.
"A mattress? Uh-oh. Joan Collins must be in town." said Homer.
[All the drunks laugh]
Oscar winced.
"Oh, behave!" Moe laughed. [Laughing]
"Joan Collins? That girl sleeps with everybody!" said Carl.
"What the hell do you Americans know about Joan Collins?!" Oscar yelled.
"Well she was in Dynasty..." said Homer.
"Yes. And she's very refined and acts posh. She does not sleep with everyone!" Oscar snapped.
...
Oscar having enough of Homer and his friends insulting Joan Collins, warped back to the Buddhist temple. He headed to the library where for scene setting, the magic library music from Monkey Hero was playing.
"Ah Oz, I'm reading about the Buddha." said Lisa.
"Oh. Is he really fat and bald with long ear lobes and laughing all the time?" Oscar asked,
"No... that's a caricature..." said Lisa. She kept reading.
"Any way it was raining once, and the Buddha was meditating under a tree. The rain soon became a dangerous lightning storm. Luckily a Naga, a sort of giant snake cobra man coiled around the Buddha and spreads its heads like an umbrella to shelter the Buddha." Lisa narrated.
The Naga got electrocuted by the lightning. XD.
"Oh cool! A book on the story Journey to the West! That's what the video game Monkey Hero is based on!" said Oscar holding a book.
Lisa winced. "I'm sure that's a loose interpretation Oz..."
Oscar decided to read it.
Plot 2
Journey to the West
With screwed up Monkey Hero crap!
Oscar told the story and insisted the god Sun Wukong was Monkey from Monkey Hero.
Monkey Hero/Sun Wukong was born from a stone resting on a mountain. When he hatched out he fired lasers from his eyes startling the Jade emperor.
"Eye Lasers!" Oscar said loudly.
"Sssshhh! Oz this is a library..." Lisa hushed him.
Sun Wukong/Monkey Hero looked about the world he had been born into.
"Monkey Hero!" Oscar yelled.
Monkey winced and the story started with him hatching from a stone, living in Monkey Village and seeking out a sage to discover how to become immortal.
Oscar kept tossing the blue fruit at the jellies and Nightmares.
Monkey winced at him attacking the Nightmares. Insectoid people.
Then Oscar went down a cave entrance and there were screeching bats!
[Bats screeching]
"Aaaaaaagh! They're in my hair! They're in my hair!" Oscar screamed.
Monkey winced.
Monkey encountered a lumberjack singing a lame lumberjack song from Monty Python!
I'm a lumberjack and I'm OK
I sleep all night and I work all day
He's a lumberjack and he's OK
He sleeps all night and he works all day!
Monkey winced.
Eventually the lumberjack stopped singing and Monkey asked him about a sage who could help him become immortal. The lumberjack told him where to find the sage.
Then Monkey had to fight the evil lumberjacks from Ninja: Shadow of Darkness.
Meanwhile Oscar played Monkey Hero.
Lisa as a citizen winced.
...
At the Simpsons house.
The Simpsons were dealing with Homer's anger at the new area code and badgers that like to eat mashed potato and be rude to people.
"No flipping talking badgers from that lame British kid's show!" Bart groaned.
And Animal rights activists and Brian Blessed protecting the angry badger.
"DID ANYONE ORDER A LARGE HAM?!" Brian yelled.
Bart face palmed.
And Joan Collins being a diva.
"Joan eat a snickers..." Homer groaned.
"Why?" said Joan.
"Because you turn into a right diva when you're hungry..." said Homer.
"Enough!" Bart yelled frustrated.
And Todd's woodpecker laughing like Woody.
"Eh heh heh heh HEH heh!"
Bart lunged at it but it flew away laughing like Woody.
And Phoney McRingRing. A lame anthropomorphic old fashion telephone character.
"Hey you're a phoney! A big fat phoney!" The annoying You're a phoney guy from Family Guy ranted.
Bart winced.
Well if he thinks that's annoying.
"Bro, remember all that dynamite you told dad you had during our badger problem..." Hugo asked Bart.
"Um yeah..." said Bart.
"Dad's trying to attend the town meeting as a suicide bomber..." Hugo winced as Homer with Marge trying to pull him back, entered the town hall room where everyone sits. He had dynamite strapped to him.
"Homie no! This is not appropriate!" Marge grunted but he got in and sat down by Bart and Hugo.
"Dad no! You can't dress a suicide bomber! That's in really bad taste!" Bart yelled.
"Quimby change the area codes back or I'll Aloha Snackbar myself and my family to oblivion!" Homer yelled.
"Daaaaaaad!" The kids yelled.
Quimby winced.
...
Oscar was reading. Lisa got a text.
"That was Bart. Dad's trying to Aloha Snackbar in the town meeting over the new area code... I better talk some sense into him..." said Lisa as they sat in the temple library.
"I'm reading..." said Oscar.
Lisa sighed.
In the story Monkey learned 72 transformations into different things. Including a jelly. And he had to climb the tower of Karma as a jelly.
"No! It's monkey time! Monkey! Monkey! Monkey!" Monkey turned back into himself.
Then he returned home only to find a demon called Hundi the demon lord of confusion had taken over the monkey village and enslaved all the monkeys. He went off to see the four dragons to get a weapon.
"Oz I'm sorry but we need to go!" said Lisa.
"Kallae kistnae! Sabayoooooo Nyeh!" said Oscar in gibberish annoyed.
"Oz that doesn't work on me..." said Lisa.
...
Elsewhere Martin and a Ralph were riding a swan pedal boat together, because they were in Bart After Dark, for some odd reason...
"After this I wanna watch all the "Journey to..." movies." said Ralph.
He was thinking about the most recent Journey to the Centre of the Earth with Brendan Fraser...
"Look at me kids! I'm Brendan Fraser so this PG movie isn't so scary anymore! Gablblblblblbl! Bleh!' He pulls faces.
"Brendan ruins every classic movie he reboots..." Martin frowned.
Meanwhile in the cartoon version the characters sang in a retarded manner.
Then in the original a guy had a duck. Yes a duck!
The duck quacked.
At one point in the original movie the characters encounter Dimetrodons. They also encounter a giant chameleon but it never gets to attack them because they caused a volcanic eruption to escape the core which had ruins in it for some reason.
"Probably from CHUDs..." said Oscar as he followed Lisa into town.
Anyway there was gonna be an episode called Lisa in the sky with diamonds. Presumably with the Beatles especially John Lennon!
Oscar and Lisa arrived to find Homer with dynamite strapped to him trying to detonate it. However after he pushed down the plunger nothing happened. No matter what.
"Oh nice job on the wiring Bart!" Homer groaned.
"Dad I would not be a part of this!" Bart snapped. Outraged at him being offensive.
"Don't just stand there! Arrest that idiot, the Simpson family's father!" Quimby yelled.
Cops arrested Homer. He screamed as he was arrested.
...
At home the Simpsons were mortified and embarrassed by Homer's behaviour over the area codes at the town meeting.
Hugo was just relieved Dad was gone so he couldn't pick on him right now. He sat on the couch and ate fish heads from a bucket.
Oscar was reading Journey to the West.
In the story, Monkey Hero asked the four dragon kings for a weapon. A shape changing staff. They asked him to test his skills as a warrior against them. He agreed.
Meanwhile Ancient Chinese Oscar made it rain soup dumplings.
Ancient Chinese Hugo winced.
"I could go for a basket of soup dumplings right now.' said Hugo in the present.
Monkey Hero was training in a swamp with one of the dragon kings.
While Ancient Chinese Bart found Homer sinking in quicksand and would not rescue him unless he took him to a Minecraft convention.
"Save me Bart!" Homer cried.
"Okay sure- Oz what the fudge are you doing?!" Ancient Chinese Bart yelled.
Ancient Chinese Oscar was groaning because he was aroused by Homer sinking in quicksand.
(Ancient Chinese Oscar moaning aroused.)
Then one of the dragon kings offered Monkey Hero a wish just for obtaining all seven Dragon Balls.
"That's Dragon Ball Z..." Monkey winced.
Same culture and monkey boys.
"I'm a Saiyan... not a monkey boy... and stop offering me bananas..." Kid Goku frowned at Ancient Chinese Oscar.
Elsewhere in the Simpsons house of the present. Marge gasped as the badger that was in Santa's little Helper's dog house was eating mashed potatoes and calling everyone fat or bum head.
"Bum head!"
Meanwhile Homer got all the garbage and built a Berlin Wall dividing the richer areas of Springfield with the old area code from the poorer areas with the new one.
"Oh! It's a very, very beautiful wall!" said Donald Trump.
"I don't want your praise you toxic, racist orange future president!" Homer yelled.
...
Elsewhere at Temple Lisa had the entire Gateless Barrier or Gateless Gate of 48 Zen Koans. Stories, metaphors or questions Buddhists ask one another to achieve a state of zen.
She was reading while Oscar tried to meditate and achieve a state of zen so he could find enlightenment.
However and this is just asking for it! XD!
"Try as you might to escape your fate. You'll never pass the Gateless Gate!" boomed Tony Jay as the Master of Jumanji.
Lisa winced exasperated.
Peter, Judy and Alan were also baffled and exasperated.
Oscar snickered. "Peabuddy's in the temple, and there's a Tony Jay character too, isn't there." He cracked up laughing.
"Yes..." Lisa sighed face palming.
Lisa sighed and tried coaching Oscar into a state of Zen.
"Close the logical part of your mind..." said Lisa.
"Okay." said Oscar meditating.
"Embrace nothingness." said Lisa.
"Nothingness is eternal!" Xemnas from Kingdom Hearts II yelled.
"Xemnas! No!" Lisa whined. "Oz stop with the cameos..." Lisa sighed.
Oscar sighed and banished Xemnas to nothingness. Which suited him I suppose.
"I'm trying to have fun..." Oscar sighed.
"Well don't!" Lisa got aggravated.
...
Homer's Berlin Wall and anger at the new area code was resolved by the Who.
"Pinball wizard!" Homer yelled.
"Okay! Geez..." The Who sighed. They played Pinball Wizard.
Later.
"What next?" The Who asked.
"PAC MAN Fever!" Homer yelled.
"We don't know PAC MAN Fever..." The Who sighed.
"Um. I really like arcade game named songs..." said Homer.
Plot 3
"Homer you're not really a fan of us are you?" asked Roger Daltrey of The Who.
"It's not fair! I've been a fan of The Who since the very beginning, when they were The Hillbilly Bugger Boys!" Homer exclaimed.
Oscar screamed with laughter.
"Ow! Now what's so funny Oz?!" Bart yelled.
"He said bugger!" Oscar laughed.
"Homer!" Marge yelled.
Also in a deleted scene a member of The Who told Marge to Shut the fuck up.
Anyhoo. The Who were the guest stars this episode.
"The Who?! I wanted Doctor Who!" said Oscar.
"Shut up, boy." said Homer.
"Look we're supposed to be at a concert. We had a handshake agreement with a concert promoter and that's a sacred bond." said Roger Daltrey.
"Sacred Bond." said the Who together.
There was a pause as if someone needed to respond or say something.
"Praise Sean Connery! Shaken not stirred!" Oscar yelled prostrating himself in prayer.
Bart and Homer face palmed.
Hugo was also irked by Oscar's nonsense. "You know this story was probably a good one before Oscar jazzed it up with his ridiculous guff."
The badger that was in Santa's Little Helper's doghouse was sat eating mashed potatoes. "Well you're a bum head!"
"Well I never!" A posh lady socialite gasped and fainted at his rudeness.
Hugo rolled his eyes.
"Shut up Fr-Aaaaaagh!" Homer was about to be nasty to Hugo again but Oscar blasted a loud electric guitar chord from the sound system at him.
"Look This wall reminds me of that wall that fell in 1989. About the year I arrived in Springfield on Homer and Marge's doorstep." said Oscar.
"Yeah Dad's wall does seem a lot like the Berlin Wall." said Lisa.
"We should ring the guys who built that! They'll know what to do!" said Homer.
"Dad... the Berlin Wall was built by communists..." said Hugo.
...
During the night as the concert played, more badgers arrived to attack Springfield.
The leader spoke in cartoonish growls and Nibbler gibberish like one of Oscar's cartoon monsters.
The badgers headed into Springfield. One last one lagged behind while making cute high pitched Nibbler gibberish.
Oscar who was watching laughed hysterically.
Elsewhere the Simpsons inconvenienced by Homer's ridiculous garbage wall were navigating a way back home.
They didn't notice the evil cartoon badgers arriving.
"Where did Oscar go off to? A little boy shouldn't be off on his own at this time of night." said Marge.
"Eh... As long as we don't have to deal with his madness or summoning clowns or making vague references I say let him whoop it up elsewhere." said Bart.
Suddenly from the shadows Sideshow Bob appeared. Because why not?
"Hello Bart." He flashed a devilish grin.
"Nyaaaaaagh! Sideshow Bob!" Bart screamed.
The Sideshow Bob Leitmotif played. Amusingly because the Simpsons are outside at night in the seedy back streets, a full blown orchestra with a conductor was with them playing the leitmotif.
"Hmmmmm! I never noticed them before." said Homer.
Sideshow Bob laughed maniacally.
Bart shuddered because he was scared of Bob.
"You're mine, Bart Simpson!" He boasting some typical supervillain line.
"Uh no, I'm no one's except myself." said Bart.
"Come on Bro, let's skedaddle!" said Hugo pulling him along.
The Simpsons fled.
"Nobody gets away from Robert Underdunk Terwilliger! No one!" Bob ranted.
"Hugo why did you save me?" Bart asked.
"Because I need us both together and reattached, alive..." said Hugo.
Bart grimaced.
"Hugh stop going on about reattaching us..." said Bart.
Then they encountered badgers and toadstool mushrooms.
"Oz stop with the memes!" Bart yelled.
"Okay fine I'll give the badgers mashed potatoes..." said Oscar.
Bart grimaced.
"And I summoned 1989 Germans and Ronald Reagan to tear down your wall Homer!" said Oscar.
Homer screamed.
"Homer Simpson! Tear it down! Tear down this wall!" said Ronald Reagan.
Then everything got resolved by Springfield getting Auto dialler or Speed Dial phones.
"And I'm glad your safe Oscar, but don't run off again!" said Marge.