Sweets and Sour Marge II Some insanity at the library one weekend and Marge once again banning sugar, cue Homer's sugar pile antics again.
Plot
The couch gag is a carnival claw grabbed grabbing Homer and him screaming "Oh my brain!"
The Simpsons arrive at the Springfield library. There is Banner saying "Springfield book sale. Yes! We sell pornography!"
Some chuckling, sleazy perverts went into the library obviously wanting the pornography.
"Mmmmmm! Pornography..." Oscar moaned with joy.
"Oscar stop that!" Marge scolded him.
The Simpsons went into the library. As you'd expect Bart was bored and not enjoying the day out.
Bart yawned rudely.
"If I don't want their books for free, why on Earth would I pay for them?!" said Homer.
"Why do you always wait until we get here to complain?" said Marge.
Homer paused and thought long and hard. "I don't know!"
Comic book Guy was buying books. "The Leonard Nimoy saga. I am not Spock (A Book where Leonard Nimoy is frustrated by being called Spock and annoying fanboys.) I am Spock. (A book where he is accepting he is Spock.) and I am also Scotty. (A Book with a picture of Spock dressed as Scotty.)"
Dr Nick was reading Greys Anatomy. The anatomy book not the hospital drama named after it. "Eeeeeew! Is that what we look like on the inside? That's disgusting!" He flicked through the pages. "That lady swallowed a baby!"
Lisa had an enormous trolley of books. Hugo had an equally large trolley of mostly science books and science fiction.
"Lisa I said no buying more than your weight in books!" said Marge. "And you too Hugo!"
"But mom I have to save the books! The ones that don't get bought are chopped up and fed to the pigs!" said Lisa.
There were pigs eating ripped up pages of books.
"Helen Fielding is giving these pigs Bridget Jones's diarrhoea!" said Cleatus.
Oscar laughed hysterically.
"Hmmmmmm!" Marge sighed.
Marge was then trying to get Homer interested in a book. "Well how about this? The Duff book of World Records? It has pictures of deformities in it..." said Marge.
"Oh gimme!" Homer grabbed the book. He looked through it, interchangeably laughing and acting disgusted by the deformities in the book. "Wow! Now that's a goitre..."
"Wait! When did Duff write a book?" asked Bart.
"It was originally published to settle arguments in taverns." said Lisa.
"She said Tavern! I'm off to Moe's!" Homer ran off somewhere.
"Wait! We never agreed to that rule!" said Marge. There is the sound of a car's tires screeching as it speeds off somewhere. Marge sighs.
...
At Moe's Lenny and Carl were debating the record of the most clothes pegs on one's face.
"257." said Lenny.
"Are you counting both the face and neck?" asked Carl.
"You know I am!" said Lenny.
"Alright! Outside you two!" said Moe.
The front door of the tavern was shoved open as Homer's silhouette stood in the door frame holding a book as blinding sunlight, or some sort of divine light shone from him.
"Oh God! Natural light!" Super Kami Guru screamed.
"Natural light! Turn it off! Turn it off!" Barney screamed covering his eyes.
A vampire combusted and burnt to ashes from the sun light.
"Why do I always serve freaks in my tavern..." Moe sighed.
"Guys I have the book to settle your arguments?" said Homer.
"The record for most clothes pegs attached to face and neck is 116." said Homer.
"Wow! I'm not furious!" said Lenny.
"And I'm magnanimous in victory!" said Carl.
"This is the best book I've ever heard of!" said Moe.
"No the best book you've ever seen is Tom Clancy's Op centre. He wrote it before all those war novels and shoot em up games." said Homer.
"Wow! This book knows me, more than I know myself!" said Moe.
...
One morning the Simpsons are eating breakfast. The kids mostly have cereal except Maggie who is being fed baby food and Hugo who insisted on kippers for breakfast.
Bart smirked and put on his geeky glasses to read terrible plays he wrote about Aunt Helga.
"Kippers for breakfast already? 'Tis it Saint Swivens day already? 'Tis! Replied Aunt Helga!" Bart recited his badly wrote play.
"Okay enough! Enough already!" Lisa yelled.
Homer sat down with his book of world records.
"Oh here's a good one! The worlds most overrated saint." said Homer.
"Saint Francis of Assisi..." the kids and Marge groaned.
"Ooooooh! I've used up all the records!" Homer groaned.
"Why don't you set a new record Dad?" said Bart.
"That's a great idea! You think I could run a mile in three minutes?" Homer asked.
"Only on Mars..." said Lisa.
"Then the Simpsons are going to Mars! Pack your bags!" said Homer.
"Woo hoo!" Oscar cheered and ran off to pack.
"Homer we are not going to Mars!" said Marge.
"Not with that attitude." said Homer.
"Dad think of something else..." Bart groaned as Oscar returned wearing an astronaut costume.
"Oh! Oh! Oh! I know!" said Hugo with ants in his pants. "I'll increase the Earth's temperature! Mwuhahahaha!"
"No Hugo!" The Simpsons groaned.
One morning there was a heat wave. A racist sunflower grew but suddenly ignited ant burnt to a crisp. The heat was so great that the ink melted off of the morning newspaper.
Then a butterfly ignited and screamed as it was on fire.
In his bedroom Bart was sleeping in his tighty whites (Briefs) when his Krusty alarm clock went off. He hit the snooze button on the laughing clown and the clock melted from the heat.
"O la la!" said Salvador Dali inspired by the melted alarm clock to paint.
In the spare bedroom flower box Oscar was awake with bloodshot eyes as monsters and hallucinations swam along the walls and ceiling making unearthly wailing and growling.
"Oh great. Oscar has fever hallucinations again..." said Lisa.
In the master bedroom Homer got up wearily and sweaty but couldn't find Marge. "Marge?"
"I'm here!" said Marge stuck to his back by the heat. Eeeeeeew! They prized themselves apart.
"We need to do something about Hugo's heatwave! If the Earth gets any hotter..." said Marge.
"I'll just get an air conditioner..." said Homer.
Homer imagines the far and distant future. Global warming has turned the Earth outside the house into a lifeless hot desert. Homer was inside wrapped up in winter clothes enjoying his lovely ice cold air conditioning.
Patty and Selma wanted to come in.
"Hey you fat lummox! Let us in! We're melting out here!" said the sisters of Marge, and aunts to her children. They then moaned as they melted to death.
"Hmmmmm! No Homer! We're having words with Hugo..." said Marge as Homer's daydream ended.
"Oh fine!" Homer groaned.
"Fine..." Hugo sighed turning off his Atmosphere heating doomsday device. The Earth immediately cooled down.
...
Anyway barring any more surreal scenarios. Awww! I want to put the Simpsons on Mars..
"This is not the Simpsons go to Mars episode Narrator..." Bart groaned.
Homer went to Duff corporation. In the waiting room was a bearded man with long finger nails and toe nails.
"Smithers! That man looks like our episode writer Sam Simon!" said Mr Burns in his isolated form of having overgrown hair and finger/toe nails again. "We could fly the Spruce Moose together!"
"Errr... yes sir..." said Smithers.
Then there was a man with many cigarettes in his mouth.
"And I thought we had a bad smoking habit." said Patty and Selma.
Then there was a comically obese man. Homer sat next to him.
"You are a cinch for the worlds fattest man." said Homer.
"No I'm here as the world's greatest actor." said the fat guy in a Marlon Brando voice.
Oscar laughed at the obese guy.
Homer was being interviewed.
"What's the longest anyone has done this?" He makes demented and crazy noises.
"Three years." said the interviewers.
"Fine I guess I'll play the banjo with this cobra." said Homer getting out a banjo, but sadly not a kazooie, and a hissing cobra. "Wait! I'm terrified of cobras! Aaaaaaagh! Cobra! Aggggghhhh! Cobra!" He continued screaming Aaaaagh! Cobra! All day.
Hours later.
"Sir technically the cobra is playing the banjo so it would get the record." said the male interviewer.
"But it's my banjo." Homer whined.
"Mr Simpson, we deal with people with no discernible talents all the time." said the lady interviewer.
"Yeah, they're called congressmen! Ahahahaha!" Homer laughed. That's a good one!
"No." said the lady.
"The record holders were all crackpots who killed themselves." said the male interviewer. "The only way you can set a new record is with a group one..."
"Like that town that made the largest omelette." said the lady.
"Denver?" Homer asked.
"No, Spanish." said the lady.
Homer played a banjo riff and the cobra hissed.
Stewie Griffin clobbered him on the head with a cartoon mallet. "Not funny!" He shouted.
...
Homer gathered the townspeople. "Fellow Springfielders! We are going to build! A human pyramid!"
"Can we build a human cube?" asked one guy in Shelbyille.
"No! Shut up Shelbyille! No one likes you!" yelled Homer.
The man in Shelbyille groaned.
"I would like to build a pyramid. An actual pyramid! A hahahahaha!" said Pharaoh Ramesses II.
"No Pharaoh Ramesses..." Homer sighed.
The townsfolk built a human pyramid. On one layer Krusty was next to Drederick Tatum. "Wow I haven't seen so much flesh since so and so's hot tub party! The narrator hasn't a clue about what I'm talking about or who I'm referencing?" Nope. "Oy vey... Then I haven't seen so much flesh since that time I shared a steam room with Rainer Wolfcastle."
"I wore nothing!" Rainer Wolfcastle yelled.
Homer was observing his blue prints. It was just a triangle.
"That's looking fine so far..." said Homer.
"Yes. This be a fine specimen of a pyramid!" said Pharaoh Ramesses.
"Get on the human pyramid Pharaoh Ramesses!" Homer yelled at him.
Pharaoh Ramesses did so.
Homer was next to climb as he had to be at the top with his family.
However he got exhausted climbing.
"Oh my! I still haven't learnt my lesson from when I climbed Mount Murderhorn!" said Homer. It's continuity! Deal with it! "I think I'll rest hear to gather my strength and make base camp for the night."
Everyone groaned.
"Dad come on!" said Bart at the top of the pyramid. "You can be the world's laziest stunt performer!"
"Why you little! Compared to Mount Murderhorn this is a piece of cake!" Homer climbed up to get at Bart.
However along the way he slipped and grabbed Bumblebee Man's stinger.
"No no no Señor! With out my stinger I'll die!" said Bumblebee Man.
"That's a costume Bumblebee man!" Homer rolled his eyes.
Homer regained his footing and climbed all way to the top where his family, including Hugo were.
"We did it!" said Homer.
"No you're a foot short." said the lady.
Homer put Maggie on his head. "There."
"Now you must hold for three Mississippi's." said the lady.
Everyone groaned.
"One Mississippi... Two Mississippi...L
Jimbo was touching Dolph's hand.
"Eeeeeew! We're touching!" They moved causing the pyramid to collapse into a big ball that rolled down the hill as the demented music for crazy scenes like when the town rioted in They Saved Lisa's Brain played.
"I'll put on some more fitting music said Toon Link dressed as Indiana Jones. On a boombox played the boulder chase theme! Hehehe!
"No Link! Turn it off!" Bart yelled from inside the ball as it chased Indiana Jones Toon Link.
Plot 2
The ball continued rolling as it chased Indiana Jones Toon Link.
"Ow! My hair style!" Marge whined.
Now Hans Moleman was being chased by the boulder of people.
"Hurry up old man!" Indiana Jones Toon Link groaned as he ran from the boulder with the boulder chase theme blaring.
"Hey look! Harrison Ford!" said Oscar from inside the boulder.
Harrison Ford read a newspaper and sighed shaking his head when he saw the giant boulder roll past.
A suicidal man jumped into it.
"Goodbye cruel world!" He landed in the ball. "Hello irony!"
Then the ball crashed at a convenience store and collapsed. Everyone groaned in pain.
The judges arrived to the carnage.
Everyone was still lying there.
"I am so far away from where I parked my car!" said Moe.
"Dude! You're lying on top of me!" Jimbo whined to Kerne who didn't respond. "Dude?" Kerne didn't budge or answer him.
"Oh my god! He's dead!" Oscar screamed.
Then the judges saw that the entire car park of the convenience store was a giant set of scales. The town's combined weight in people broke a record as the world's fattest town!
"Welcome to the book of records! As the world's fattest town!" said the judges for Duff.
The fat people and Homer all cheered.
Marge was mortified.
"Hey this is a episode featuring Duff employees but where is Duffman?" Lisa asked.
"Oh yeah! Duffman!" said Duffman.
"Never mind." said Lisa.
The fat people were still celebrating and jiggling their fat bellies as Mayor West and former Mayor Quimby announced they were no longer known as America's sorrow but as Fat town.
Homer wore a fat pride shirt.
"How can you be so proud of obesity yet so against homosexuality?" said Marge.
Fat people such as Wiggum and his wife and Comic Book Guy were dancing and making horrible gurgling noises from their stomachs.
Then they formed a line and Nelson used the principles of Newton's laws to build up kinetic energy through their stomachs like a Newton swinging ball toy to knock off Milhouse's glasses.
"Ooooh!" Milhouse whined.
"Haw haw!" Nelson laughed.
Marge sighed.
...
At home it was breakfast one morning again. Probably the day after Homer's stunt. Marge was cutting up a grapefruit or a melon. Mmmmmm! Grapefruit...
Bart was pouring himself some very sugary and chocolates cereal. "Mom we're out of sugar frosted chocolate covered malt balls..." Bart groaned as the cereal he wanted was empty.
"Here try one of my fudge filled toaster pies!" said Lisa. Um she makes unhealthy snacks now for some reason. Bart bit into one and it splattered hot fudge in Maggie's face. She wiped off the fudge and glared at him.
"Wow you packed so much fudge into them Lis!" said Bart eating the toaster pie.
"Bart!" Homer yelled being homophobic again.
Marge was concerned her kids were enjoying unhealthy snacks for breakfast.
"Hmmmm! You kids do eat a lot of sugar..." said Marge. "But at least your dad can have a nice healthy grapefruit." She gave Homer a grapefruit half.
"Yeah you can't improve on nature." said Homer he took a single spoonful of grapefruit and ate it. But suddenly his face was sucked inwards by the sourness. "So sour..."
"Hmmmmmm!" Marge sighed.
...
At the Kwik e mart Marge saw that everything she usually bought from Bart's cereal to the candy Oscar likes with a clown Bart head on it called Buzz. Mmmmm Buzz sweets, inexplicable clown Bart...
"So much sugar..." Marge sighed. Then she exclaimed excitedly. "Oh! Sugar free donuts!"
"No Mrs Simpson. Sugar, with free donuts!" said Apu.
Homer screamed with delight and ripped open the boxes of sugar with free donuts and took only the donuts and left.
"That wasn't a suggestion Mr Simpson!" Apu yelled.
"Apu everything you serve here is loaded with sugar!" Marge complained. "It's very unhealthy. Isn't that right Dr Hibbert?"
"Yes and very addictive. Ahehehehe!" said Dr Hibbert. "Now Apu have my pixie sticks arrived yet?"
"No sir." said Apu.
"Damn it!" Dr Hibbert yelled knocking over a display from the counter.
Marge winced at the crazy doctor's behaviour.
Apu explained even the chocolate flavoured baby aspirin with a picture of Oscar's cartoon baby character on the box. Or to be precise his ginger haired cousin, in a heroic pose. Were full of sugar because they were from the Mother Hubbard company.
"Where are they located?" Marge asked.
"Just across the street." said Apu.
"Oh that's convenient." said Marge.
Marge arrived at a pink building pouring loads of sugar and sugary treats out of it.
In the CEOs office the CEO was writing Evil Deeds in his diary. Mwuhahahaha! Now only if he was illustrated to look like Andy Garcia...
Of course the CEO guy was pure evil, but sadly not Andy Garcia evil or a demon!
"Narrator subtle is a thing... and besides he is rude sarcastic jerk evil." said Marge.
"Mr Mother Hubbard?" Marge asked.
"Please just call me Garfunkel." said Garfunkel Mother Hubbard.
"I Garfunkel'ed your mother last night! Horhorhorhor!" Sean Connery laughed.
"Sean please..." Marge sighted.
Marge had a discussion with Garfunkel over his company putting lots of sugar in food. The discussion got quite heated.
"Get out of my office!" The CEO yelled at her for trying to be reasonable. How about you just stop buying your family unhealthy food...
"Fine I will!" said Marge.
...
At home.
"If you looked up meany weenie in the dictionary his face would be there!" said Marge.
"Wait! You went to a sugar factory without me?! Were there oompah loompahs?!" Homer asked.
"There was one in a cage. And he wasn't moving..." said Marge.
"Oh..." said Homer disappointed.
"I want to file a class action lawsuit against that sugar company..." said Marge.
"Nuh Uh." said Oscar. "Marge you'll be the laughing stock of the world. Like that guy who sued McDonalds for making him fat..."
"Oscar's right. You can't sue a company that makes unhealthy foods just because they're unhealthy Mom! Maybe just stop buying the boys and Dad unhealthy food!" said Lisa
"Nice idea Lisa. Except I have my own credit card! Hehehe! So long losers!" Homer ran off to buy unhealthy snacks.
Marge sighed.
Oscar was reading the script for the episode. "Lawyer joke and no Lionel Hutz?! No!" He crosses out a paragraph. Um his actor is dead in real life... "make Disco Stu cocaine gag more obvious... and the Simpsons go to Mars..."
Bart face palmed.
...
Marge was driving Lisa about.
"I don't want to spend a lot on a fancy lawyer and paperwork..." said Marge.
"That's okay Mom Oscar hired us Lionel Hutz..." said Lisa.
"Hello Simpsons!" said Lionel in the back of their car somehow.
"But what about those starving lawyers heading towards us." Marge asked, a hoard of rabid lawyers desperate for work crowded the car.
"Litigation..."
"Legal fees..."
"Mom Lionel Hutz is Fine..." said Lisa.
At home, in the kitchen.
"Mrs Simpsons you're in luck. As a wise guy lawyer I am the second best in town. After that seemingly evil blue haired lawyer that works for Mr Burns." said Lionel Hutz.
"Mr Hutz, being on the prosecution doesn't necessarily mean you're evil..." Lisa sighed.
Marge interviews the towns folk, hilarity insues.
"Sugar made my Ralphie hyperactive!" said Clancy Wiggum.
Ralph was running about as a fire truck. "I'm happy and angry!"
Then Marge interviews Cleatus for a signature.
"Yeah I'll sign for what sugar did to my cousin Dia-Betty!" said Cleatus. Oh God! XD!
A land whale of a woman was exercising. "I'm trying to lose weight to fit in my momma's coffin! Oh cake!" She ate some cake.
Marge was disgusted.
Then Marge interviews Disco Stu.
"Disco Stu got hooked on the white stuff in 1972!" He snorted sugar like it was cocaine!
"Uh..." Uncle Buck Tamaki was speechless as he smoked a joint.
Disco Stu then put on Moe Moe! How do you like me? How do you like me?
Marge danced her way out of Disco Stu's apartment with a look of horror on her face.
...
Marge came home to find Homer sat in the dining room in the dark.
"Aaaaaaagh! A reference!" Marge yelped.
"Yes I was going for either for a vague Virginia Woolfe reference or Family Guy's Peter's Got Woods." said Homer.
"Why are you sitting in the dining room in the dark? Are you mad at me?" Marge asked.
"You were supposed to make dinner." said Homer.
"Homer I am not a house wife! You should have made it yourself..." said Marge. "What's in that lunch box?"
"Dinner..." said Homer revealing some black, burnt remains of food.
"Why didn't you turn the oven off?" Marge asked.
"I was hoping we'd do that together!" Homer cried and ran off.
"This scene raises so many questions Narraror... like why? And does that mean the kids did get fed?!" Marge asked the fourth wall.
I Eh don't know..." said the narrator.
Marge got an anonymous caller. Who turned out to be Professor Frink wanting time help her. She twigged it was Frink when he yelled Frink noises like Moyvin Glavin! down the phone.
"Professor?" Marge asked.
"Oh Glavin..." said Professor Frink.
...
"Silence in court! This case of Marge Simpson vs Garfunkel Hubbard is now in session!" said Judge Snyder.
"I Garfunkel'ed your Mother last night! Horhorhor!" Sean Connery laughed.
"Silence in court!" Yelled Judge Snyder.
In court Frink revealed he was a double agent working for Garfunkel Mother Hubbard.
"You spineless nerd! I'll kill you!" The evil CEO yelled.
"We're in open court!" Blue haired lawyer warned Mr Mother Hubbard.
"I don't care! I'll kill you! I'll kill all of you!" Garfunkel yelled.
"Ay carumba!" Bart yelled.
"Mr Mother Hubbard that could be considered a threat!" Judge Snyder warned him.
"I'll kill you in your sleep!" Garfunkel said murderously in a whisper.
"Objection your honour! My client is insane!" said Blue Haired lawyer.
"Silence you know it all! I'm perfectly sane! I'm just pure evil! Mwuhahahaha!" said Garfunkel Mother Hubbard laughing evilly. "now tremble before my doomsday device!" He pulled out a remote and an ED209 with laser guns smashed into the court room.
"Coooooool!" said Hugo impressed.
"Yeah one supervillain admiring another..." Bart sighed.
Plot 3
The town was held hostage by Garfunkel and his deadly giant robot.
Oscar walked up to it and poked it. It fell apart. "Can't even build a doomsday device properly..." Oscar sighed.
Garfunkel was arrested and sent to jail.
"Even I wouldn't build something so flimsy!" Sideshow Bob ranted.
"Ahem with out further acts of supervillainy, I call the first witness. Count Fudgula."
A parody of the cereal vampire count Chocular sat down.
Oscar laughed hysterically.
"Oh geez..." Bart sighed.
"Sugar and cavities rotted my teeth away! Now I have to wear dentures and my victims must be mashed up for me! Bleh!" said Count Fudgula.
Oscar laughed.
Bart face palmed.
Judge Snyder soon ruled in favour of Marge due to Garfunkel being insanely evil and trying to bribe him with cakes and sweets.
"Your honour, my client in his absence wish to make a taste-a-monie." Well that's a lot more subtle than unleashing doomsday devices... thought Blue haired lawyer as he opened up a brief case full of cookies, cakes and sweets to show toJudge Snyder.
"You dare bribe me!? I sentence you to fry!" yelled Judge Snyder.
"Mmmmmmm... fried..." Oscar moaned with joy.
"In light of Mr Mother Hubbard's supervillainy and Marge's damning good evidence. I-" Snyder saw the Simpsons were the only ones in court dressed casually.
"Good Lord! Simpsons! Are you wearing your normal clothes to my court room?!" Judge Snyder gasped.
The Simpsons were embarrassed.
"Get out and come back in a suitably smart fashion!" Judge Snyder yelled.
...
At home.
"So did we win or not?" Lisa asked as they got dressed smartly in their church and court clothes.
"I don't know but I'm keeping the next scene because it's funny." said Oscar combing his hair.
...
The police were throwing away candy onto a bonfire like in the prequel to this episode. See my version of Sweets and Sour Marge.
"Even this chocolate Johnny Depp from the movie chocolat?" Lou asked Wiggum.
"We melted for him. Now he's got to melt for us." said Wiggum.
The chocolate Johnny Depp moaned as it melted to the Ark music where the Ark of the covenant kills the Nazis.
"Shut your eyes Marion! Don't look at it!" Indiana Jones yelled.
"Now the butterfingers." said Wiggum.
Eddie poured a sack of butterfingers onto the bonfire but a strange force magnetises them away and pulls them all to Bart as they stick to him.
"Well what do you know? No one can lay a finger on my butterfingers!" said Bart grinning.
Meanwhile Homer stole sugar Wiggum was destroying.
"Hey give that contraband here!" Wiggum yelled.
"Never!" Homer retorted. He drove of with several bags of sugar.
When he got home he poured all the sugar on the grass of the backyard again.
"Homer..." Marge sighed as Homer was outside doing his guard the sugar and quote Scarface again.
"First you get the sugar... then you get the money..." said Homer guarding his sugar pile.
Then British men snuck some of his sugar.
"Hello." said a British guy drinking tea.
"Where did you get that sugar?!" Homer asked.
"I took some the moment your back was turned. And I'd do it again..." said the British guy drinking his tea. "Goodbye."
Homer winced.
...
At breakfast he put sugar on his grapefruit half and devoured the flesh.
"Homer stop that! Sugar is contraband now!" Marge yelled.
"Grrrr! Boys! Get in here!" Homer yelled.
Suddenly Anthropomorphic lollipops with faces and ice creams with faces came in.
"Oh no!" Marge groaned.
Homer sang Sugar Sugar and danced in ragged shorts and a grey sweaty vest with an overgrown beard.
Marge face palmed.
...
At home.
"Okay but how are we supposed to feel Narrator..." Homer rolled his eyes at just constant gags I like.
"Well being the sugar loving glutton you are you're mad at Marge." said Oscar.
Homer glares at Marge.
"And you made an Erin Brokovich gag. Erin Chocowitch..." said Oscar playing a waa waa sound to show he found the joke bad.
"Hey that was a team effort between me and the kids!" Homer whined.
"Then that's even more embarrassing..." said Oscar.
"Oh Erin Brockovich... the prostitute with a heart of gold..." Bart sighed in awe.
"Bart that's not who Erin Brokovich is..." Lisa groaned at his random comment.
...
Then all the kids at school became ill from sugar withdrawal.
"My baby! Where's my baby?!" Ralph acted like a typical druggie...
"Ach ye won't be riding the white horse no more laddie." said Wiggum. Mmmmm! Cocaine reference...
Then at Home Oscar collapses from diabetes the kind where you need sugar.
"Oh no! He's having a sugar withdrawal shock!" Lisa yelled. "Get his insulin!"
Marge injected Oscar with his insulin.
At Apu's Homer desperately looked for sweets/candy. There was none. But he stepped in something sticky. "Sticky sound!" He licked a red puddle.
"Homer that's blood and vapornole!" said Apu. Blood and a sinus vapour.
"I knew that." said Homer.
Apu looked shifty and explained he was forming a secret pact to smuggle sugar into Springfield. "Follow me.
They came to Lard Lad. Apu opened a secret hatch in his butt and a ladder.
"We're going inside his butt?!" Homer gasped.
Lard Lad looked down at the tiny people behind him and the ladder coming out of his butt and blushed embarrassed.
"Sorry big guy but looks like we're going inside you." said Homer.
Lard Lad gulped embarrassed as Homer and Apu went inside him via his butt.
"Hey do the other advertisement monsters have secret ladders inside them?" Homer asked.
"No Homer that would be silly." said Apu.
They went downstairs into a dark dining room of the evil Republican Party legion of doom!
Homer saw Count Fudgula. "Hey I thought you wanted this stuff banned!"
"I'm a monster! Don't look at me!" said Fudgula hiding under his cape.
"Simpson sit down." said Mr Burns.
"Aaaaagh! Mr Burns! Homer screamed. Then he squinted confused. "Dr Hibbert?"
"Ahehehehe! Tell no one!" said Dr Hibbert.
"Homer we are secretly smuggling sugar from south of the border." said Garfunkel Mother Hubbard.
"Tennessee?" asked Homer.
"No. The island of Saint Glucos! Mwuhahahaha!" Mr Burns laughed evilly.
"Um okay... just because it's a Latin island doesn't mean it's evil..." said Homer.
...
At Home Homer and Bart are wearing burglar outfits for some odd reason.
"Guys is this really worth risking your lives for some sugar?" Lisa asked them.
"Kids! For dessert I've steamed some limes!" said Marge.
Lisa looked disgusted and sent the boys on eagerly.
On a boat Homer told Garfunkel he was ready and threw himself backwards off the ship action movie style to dive. He painfully landed on the lower deck with a crunch.
Homer moaned and got up and threw himself off again.
He landed with a crunch on a whale.
"This is the last time..." he dived in the water.
Sometime later.
"How is Simpson doing?" Mr Burns asked.
"He's grossed out by some seaweed..." said Garfunkel Mother Hubbard.
"Eeeeeeew! I touched it!" Homer groaned.
...
Then there were um gags such as a toucan stealing Homer's map.
"Gimme my map!" Homer yelled.
"Ahhhh! That toucan took Jumanji!" Alan Parrish yelled as he chased a toucan carrying Jumanji in its beak.
Homer grimaced in confusion.
Then he got sugar from Brazilian smugglers. Because why not.
"Now pay us the money." said the head smuggler.
"Never! That wasn't part of the deal!" said Homer.
"He's right! Who wrote up this deal?!" The head Smuggler told off his men. None of them would own up.
Then Homer had a high speed chase with Wiggum and got the sugar home for Garfunkel.
"Wait before I hand over the sugar... I want to see the Oompah Loompah!" said Homer.
"He's right here..." said Garfunkel. There was an Oompah Loompah smoking.
"No Homer don't! You'll be condemning the town to obesity!" Marge whined.
"And you've condemned the town to boredom and vegetables!" Homer ranted.
"You show her Homer!" said Garfunkel.
"Oh put a sock in it Garfunkel!" Marge yelled. "Homer please..."
"Don't listen to her Homer!" said Garfunkel Mother Hubbard.
Homer couldn't decide. He looked at the buttons, one said dump the sugar. One said help the bad guy.
Homer dressed as a silver age comic super hero sweated and dabbed his fore head. Mmmmm confused super hero meme...
Garfunkel was rubbing his hands evilly.
"Homer please!" Marge begged.
"Marge... I'm sorry. But our town is proud nation of fatties! And Oscar needs sugar to live!" said Homer delivering the sugar.
Marge was sad.
"Yes! Yes! I won! The bad guys win! A hahahahaha!" Garfunkel cheered as the bags of sugar arrived on deck.
"No not really Mr Mother Hubbard." said Homer. "You're only moonlighting as a bad guy because apparently sugar and unhealthy snacks are bad for us! But the real villain here is my wife. Oscar nearly died from diabetes from her sugar ban." said Homer.
"Hrrrrrrm!" Marge growled annoyed at Homer. "My heart was in the right place! Where was yours Mr Mother Hubbard?!"
"I don't have a heart. And if I did it would be as black as coal... well time to go and gloat! Mwuhahahaha!"
Garfunkel left laughing evilly.
"Judge Snyder do something..." Marge whined.
"Sorry Marge but Marge's law was ruled unconstitutional under Nanny Stating." said Judge Snyder. "It's not up to the law to nag people of bad habits..."
Marge sighed. "I guess you can't use the law to nag... maybe I should stop trying..." Marge sighed.
"Yeah maybe you should sweetie..." said Homer displeased with her.
"Ahem, it's the end of the episode and I did not get to go to Mars!" Oscar yelled.
"You nearly died from diabetic shock and you want to go to Mars..." Bart sighed.
The end!