The Resurrection of Erlick
Oscar's vampire friend Ace "Alucard" Dracula Has a toothache from one of his fangs, Sarah Michelle Gellar Vampire slayers are a problem for the Council of Seven and Erlick, an ancient and incredibly evil vampire returns from the dead. Also Darren Shan and his friend with an anagram name Harkat who was actually a Vampaneze Warrior Kurda in a previous life, both go off to find the lake of souls and encounter a tribe of Tombis, pink haired people. And Irwin Dracula from Endsville creates an Earth, Wind and Fire cover band. And other stuff you might not know yet, but you will by the end of this episode.
Plot
Theres no chalkboard or couch gag as we cut to the logo on the TV and Sam Simon after Homer screams and runs indoors to avoid being run over.
In the middle of the night. A bunch of people are standing in a graveyard where two vampires are waiting on a crypt where an old evil vampire is inside.
"Aaaaaagh! Spooky!" Homer providing running commentary screamed.
Homer shut up! I am setting the mood!
While the vampires watch the tomb-opening scene on television, a tomb is opened and the vampires and the undead vampire rise up. This is the beginning of this week's episode of Dracula: The Musical!
Ace, Oscar's vampire friend laughed hysterically.
Okay that's hilarious Ace but no that's the opening scene...
Anyway while the vampires watch the tomb opening, an eerie fog or dry ice vapour pours out as the undead vampire rises up.
Homer screamed.
"This story is far too scary for, well anyone! And so unholy!" said Marge.
Oscar hushed her.
Erlick has been dead for 300 years. He has returned to life and is hungry.
"Well duh..." said Bart bored.
The vampires that live in the city are hiding while Erlick is looking for victims to kill. He's a really evil vampire.
Erlick has come to the graveyard where two vampires (Gunnar, the brother of Oswald) and an undead vampire acolyte are waiting for the opening of the crypt. Also while the undead vampire is waiting in the crypt, a mummy's curse has taken over him so that Erlick can't kill him.
"You are a weak, mortal creature. You do not have the gift of true life. You are nothing, for I am a god. And in death, only I can bring a being to life. You cannot be the one who opens the grave. It must be me." said Erlick. Yeah um how are you gonna break yourself out of your own tomb...
The other vampires don't say much.
"I came to this world through the waters of the Nile. The Pharaoh of Egypt gave me a chance to change the course of history. The Egyptians gave me the gift of immortality. And now I have returned to claim my destiny." Okay so he's an Egyptian vampire...
The vampires are scared.
"Be quiet, be still. I am not like you, I have no soul. In fact, the souls of all the dead have been taken by me. All those who died and were buried in this grave. The dead souls have all left their bodies. Their souls are in my domain, you do not understand. I have no fear. Fear is for the living." said Erlick.
The undead vampire does have a soul. Erlick is disgusted by such human weakness.. He takes the vampire's soul in his hand and sucks the vampire's blood. As he is drinking the vampire's blood, Erlick speaks with his mouth and not telepathy for the first time. He says: "The night is cold, the sun will not burn the blood you have drawn from me. The moon is full, and in my hands, you shall feel nothing but death.
"A curse shall lie on the city. You will destroy all that crosses your path, but you will grow stronger. And you shall never die."
"Cooooool!" said Hugo.
...
Meanwhile at Grimly Hills, Stork, sat a bleak, haunted mansion. It was also the home of a young vampire boy called Ace Dracula and his parents Count and Countess Dracula of the ancient family Dracula dating back to the 1400s or to be exact, the reign of Vlad Tepes, also known as Vlad the impaler.
The Dracula family had a bloody past of feeding on humans but they mellowed out and became friendly and benevolent when Ace was born as he is a nice vampire. Ace is a nine year old boy with short blond hair wearing a cartoonish, colourful helicopter beanie hat and a t shirt and shorts and sneakers.
After the Countess gave him his vampire meal of blood, she fed him a lot of sugary drinks and cake, because she spoils her son rotten! So much that he has a toothache. The particular rotten tooth being one of his fangs. After his turning into a bat lessons at Stork, Ace is left in the care of his drunk father Count Dracula for the afternoon.
Count Dracula has been on a bender, drinking several bottles of whiskey. He goes to the kitchen to make a drink while Ace is in the kitchen doing something with cakes and his mom says, "You know I could have fed you my own blood."
"Mom I'm not a baby anymore." said Ace. Apparently Mrs Dracula has this weird "Bitty!" thing with Ace, like David Walliams or Robyn that freaky kid from Game of Thrones. Except nursing with her own blood instead of breastfeeding...
"My little boy is growing up so fast." said Countess Dracula sweetly to her son while tousling his blond locks of hair.
Count Dracula was proud of his son too.
While the two were talking, Alucard from Castlevania broke in. He had been snorting an unknown substance in a plastic bag. Yes there are drug taking vampires now.
"Why are you breaking into my home?!" Dracula bellowed angrily.
"Daddy I think I have a tooth ache." Ace whimpered caressing his sore jaw.
Count Dracula gave his young boy a soft look. "Now is not the time, My little son. We have an intruder."
Alucard from Castlevania was tripping balls or high as a kite on something.
"Answer me stranger or die!" Dracula snapped at the intruder.
Alucard stumbled about high on drugs.
"I must be tripping, I must be. I must be tripping… No, I'm not. No, I'm not." Alucard was high...
"What are you talking about?" Dracula sneered.
Ace was watching this um strange turn of events between his father and the Castlevania character with morbid curiosity.
Alucard suddenly flew out the window and dropped to the ground.
"Oh boy, we got to get me some of that." He moaned.
"What is he on?" Dracula asked himself.
Alucard came to, he was at Alucard's run down flat because he is drugged out on crack all the time and doesn't pay the bills.
"Oz what is with the Alucard bashing?" Bart winced.
"He is a blood traitor of his own race! Humans killed his mother! But does he get revenge on them? Nooooooo! He gives them mercy and disobeys his dad and is rude to him! If humans killed my family. And they weren't the evil child beaters I got for parents, I'd kill everyone!" Oscar snapped. "And if Dracula was my dad and came back into my life and did a Luke, I am your father and offered to rule the galaxy as father and son, I'd be like, 'Sure Pops!'" said Oscar.
Bart winced uncomfortable.
...
In the vampire town from Treehouse of Horror XXI. Spoilers!
Oscar, Bart and Hugo were walking about. There were various vampires like Dracula, Gary Oldman Dracula in that red gown with the queer hairdo...
"I heard that!" Gary Oldman Dracula yelled.
It was Bart!
Bart winced at the fourth wall.
Grampa Munster was walking about the streets too. And Count Von Count and Alucard from Helsing the anime.
Then some vampires in religious robes arrived.
Oscar was cautious. They are vampires after all.
Suddenly the main antagonist, Erlick, a really powerful like super vampire arrived and attacked everyone. Killing some of the TV vampires like Edward Cullen and Spike.
But a vampire named Sika came and beat him up.
However Erlick was outraged at this and killed her. Because he is the main villain and is currently invincible.
"I will kill you all!" He snarled.
Erlick then attacked the vampire union. Yes they have trade unions!
"Garlic beam!" Oscar yelled firing garlic bulbs at Erlick.
"It's Galick Gun! You simpleton!" Vegeta snapped. He has vampire hair...
However the garlic bulbs didn't affect Erlick.
"Aaaaaaagh! Help me Wesley Snipes! Van Helsing! Buffy! Anyone!" Oscar screamed.
Bart and Hugo winced.
"We just came here to try Transylvanian food!" Bart yelled exasperated.
Hugo hissed alarmed by the vampire attack.
"Run little yellow children! Run!" said Count Von Count.
...
At Grimly Halls, Stork.
Some vampires in religious robes arrived.
Dracula recognised them as being members of the Council of Seven.
"Oswald." he recognised one. That poor vampire... cursed with the eternal moniker of Oswald...
The other lowered his hood. "Sargon. Why are you here?"
They explained Erlick, and ancient and powerful but extremely evil vampire had risen from the grave.
"Yes I know Erlick is alive. He had been dead for thousands of years, but no more." said Count Dracula.
"How do you know all this already?" Sargon asked.
"Because I know. He is coming for you. Erlick is the dark lord who would have destroyed us all, but I stopped him. I stopped him, but he is back again." Count Dracula said with a look of confidence.
"How is that?"
"Because I am Count friggin Dracula of Transylvania!" Count Dracula boasted.
"We meant, how is it that Erlick has returned..." said Oswald.
"He is a god now. He has no soul. We have failed. We can fight him, we can outsmart him, we can outwit him, but we are alas still regular run of the mill vampires. He's like a super vampire! Like the weight lifting tough guys you see in human gyms!"
Sargon smiled, clearly impressed.
"But how did you guys know he had returned?" Dracula asked them.
"We witnessed him attack the vampire boulevard. We brought three mortal children with us to safety." said Sargon.
Bart, Hugo and Oscar stumbled out from his robes.
"Um... hi." said Oscar.
"Erlick will destroy us all. He is hungry! We can try to fight him, but it would be useless." Count Dracula paused. "But you must stay in the house. You are safe here."
"Yes..." said Sargon.
"But I have a goat sacrifice to attend to and sitting on the vampire elite council which is our government basically or some sort Vampire league or coven." said Oswald.
"Oswald there's a dangerous super, mega, demonised vampire out there! He's like um..." said Dracula.
"Venommyotismon." Ace chipped in.
"Yes my boy," saud Dracula.
Oswald relented and accepted Dracula's advice.
"That maybe so! But we can't just let this jerk win! We have to fight back!" Oscar whined.
"We will, Oscar. But with careful planning." said Dracula.
"And you can have some of the blood I have just given to Ace. I did my best." said Dracula offering them goblets of blood from the blood fountain.
"Thank you." said Sargon.
Oscar, Bart and Hugo didn't want any blood to drink.
Oswald grimaced embarrassed for his friend Dracula because Ace was still using a toddler cup to drink from.
"I think this is just as good." said the Count, handing the bottle of whiskey to Sargon. "It's called whiskey. It's really potent." said Count Dracula.
"Thanks." said the older vampire sarcastically, then he left the room to take a sip of the whiskey.
Count Dracula was worried. "What do I do now?" he asked himself. "Oh by the invisible and possibly imaginary deity these 'humans' worship, I have been so careless!"
"I think we should head out of Grimly Hills." said Sargon.
"What for?" Dracula asked.
"So I can feed on your wife." Goddamnit Sargon! No!
"Whoa." Count Dracula raised his hands. I'm surprised you didn't throttle him Dracula...
"No no no, that is not what I meant." said Sargon. Yes it was you dirty man!
"Give him a good pasting Dracula!" Oscar cheered.
"I need to think. I can't just let him walk around Grimly Hills." Dracula glanced over at his little boy, Ace.
"We should be careful. " said Oswald.
"Yes but I can't just leave my wife here and my son too!" said Dracula.
"I don't think the place will be safe." said Sargon.
"Why not?" asked Dracula. "I mean, he came for me not my house! He's a vampire, he's used to running in the dark! And sleeping in cold mausoleums!"
Vampire mortgages are expensive Dracula...
"And if he hurts Ace, my son, I will not be able to continue living!" Dracula sobbed. Awwwwww! His wife hugged him. "They both deserve to live. I mean you heard him, he's coming for us. He has plans." When did he say that?! Does he even know you? "If we make a run for it, Ace and my wife might die. It's a risk I am not willing to take."
Dracula was a vampire aristocrat and an intelligent one at that. The thought of letting go of his son, his wife, his family, his life really didn't appeal to him. He had just turned his friend into a vampire that day. And he was now a vampire leader on the Council.
"But what do we do if we don't leave?" asked Oswald.
"I have no idea." said Dracula, frustrated.
Plot 2
"Perhaps I can help." said Alucard, high as a kite.
"No you can't because you are intoxicated and because when your father the other Count Dracula offered you a chance to rule the world as father and son, like Darth Vader offered his son Luke, you refused!" Dracula snapped.
"Yes because he is an evil human hating vampire with a grudge against humans!" Alucard from Castlevania replied.
"Al, if my Dad turned against humanity tomorrow. I'd be by his side no matter what. Because he is my Daddy." said Ace in a childish manner because um he's a child.
Ace ran to his Dad. He hugged him. He was shaken up about Alucard's words. Plus that he was intoxicated on drugs...
"I am sorry Ace." said Dracula, putting his son down and smiling.
"It's ok Dad. I love you." said Ace.
"Yes I love you Ace." said Dracula hugging his son.
"Tch! So that's it then? You'd turn into homicidal maniac on the flip of a coin just because you love your daddy..." Alucard was disgusted.
"Well you should love your dad." Ace retorted.
"How are you lot better than this Erlick?!"
"We chose to tolerate humans. Because Ace is friends with some. They're the ones chasing us with pitchforks and torches!" said Count Dracula.
"Why do you tolerate them?" Alucard asked.
"They're part of our family." said Dracula.
"Says the Count Dracula himself!" Alucard shouted. He stormed off.
"What a strange boy..." said Dracula still hugging his son.
"Um we're still here Dracula." said Sargon.
"That's Count Dracula to you, Sargon." said Dracula wheezing like Luigi from the Super Mario cartoon.
"Mom I need a cartoony chin sling for my toothache..." said Ace heading off to find his mother.
Bart, Hugo and Ace followed him about the halls of the mansion. It was enchanted and armed with Addams Family style traps. To ward off intruders, the tax man or just for fun. Corny TV monster families like the Munsters and the Addams have a morbid sense of humour...
The found Ace and his mother. Mom was tying a cartoony Mumps and toothache sling around his head. The sling supporting his chin and swollen cheeks, and a simple knot on top like he was wearing a bow in his hair.
Oscar cracked up laughing.
Ace frowned at him.
"Anyway I'm scared my garlic gun didn't work on him." said Oscar.
"Oz only the most basic vampires dislike garlic... you don't think we'd make sure to evolve that weakness out of our genes as soon as possible?!" Ace groaned. "Ow! My tooth!"
...
Elsewhere at the delightfully named Lake of Souls.
A half vampire boy or Dhampir called Darren Shan and his friend Harkat had three chances to kill the Vampaneze lord and eradicate the Vampaneze completely. However the Cirque Du Freak failed miserably twice and on their second attempt Darren's friend and mentor died. Now Darren and Harkat went on a weird adventure with giant monster toads, a tribe of pink haired people and a dragon.
During the quest they encounter the pink haired tribe or the Tombi tribe!
Tombi winced exasperated.
"What's he complaining about now?' said Harkat.
"Oh that Oscar is being a complete fruit loop/Froot Loop and saying that the violent tribe of wackos we met when fighting the Grotesque just happen to be his friend Tombi's people..." said Darren.
"They are not my people Oz! I am a feral jungle boy who just happens to have pink hair..." Tombi groaned.
"He's not normally that eloquent." said Darren.
"Meat, meat! Yummy meat!" Tombi was running about sniffing for the scent of an animal he could eat.
They both looked behind them. They saw a man-sized lizard in a red robe and a huge man walking towards them. Harkat started running towards him.
Yes there's a lizard man and a giant now...
Perhaps he was evil.
Then the Kulashka Tombi people arrived with spears and shooed away the lizard man and giant.
They were hostile to outsiders like Darren and Harkat for no obvious reason! However they thought Tombi was a child from their tribe.
Tombi glared at the camera/fourth wall.
"Next you'll be saying you're not a Turkish brand of cheesy puffs..." said Oscar.
Tombi leapt at him and clamped on his head by biting.
"Ow! Ow! Ow! Ooooowwwww!" Oscar cried running about in a chibi like manner.
The Kulashkas had a simple culture. Feed sacrifices to the Grotesque. It was considered the worst crime of all to them if you kept mentioning the video game Tombi to them.
"But they look like him!" said Oscar from a distance.
"Shut up!" Tombi yelled.
Elsewhere this! Was Steve, king of the Vampaneze's reason for becoming the main villain! I'm serious!
The beginning of the movie ish...
"I did. It was awesome. You see, I want this. I want you to make me into a vampire. Vampires- they don't take crap from anybody. They live by their own set of rules." Typical hyperactive kid... "Cooooool! Vampires! Etc..." said one of the vampire circus people. Actually only Darren and Harkat are vampires. There's a bearded lady though but sadly no Siamese twins...
"It's true, they do have their own rules. We wrote some of them." said a guy. "And one of those rules is: "Children can't become vampires." Spoilsport! No wonder Steve joined the evil side!
An as such Steve became the evil king of the Vampaneze. Because some grownup wouldn't let him be a vampire...
And somehow this leads to Harkat needing to end his nightmares by finding out who he used to be and dealing with Tombi people!
...
Grimly Hills, Stork.
Oscar was worried.
"I'm sure you've seen me in battle Ace. I'm incredibly powerful. A Gary Stu even. But I don't think I can even fight Erlick. This is serious. It would be foolish to try."
"I would have thought of you more headstrong and eager. Like Scrappy Doo." said Ace.
"No because that would be suicidal." said Oscar.
"anyway can't you guys help? Oswald and Sargon?" Bart asked the Vampire Council.
Ace then explained his people's government and politics and shit in excruciating detail.
The Council of Seven is the name for the vampire high council in which the Council of Lords rules.
The Council of Seven (or Seven Plus One) is in charge of all the main aspects of the vampires' culture. They are responsible for deciding important issues such as who should become vampires and the time when vampires are allowed to have relationships.
"Like Hell are they deciding when you get a girlfriend Ace! I'm calling ICE on those Mother-' Oscar snapped.
"Oz I am explaining story exposition..." Ace sighed.
Bart yawned.
All vampiresses and vampires under age 50 are called "Young ones".
"Oh God! Rik Mayal!" Oscar yelled.
Ace hushed him.
The Council consists of the current vampire prince and princess, the prince or princess who will succeed him, and the current queen or king. This is known as the "Council of Two".
In addition there are seven or eight "Councilors", which makes up the "Council of Seven Plus One". The number Seven has a very important meaning in the culture of the vampires. They have an ancient tradition of the so-called "Seven" which involves a secret council made up of vampires who are more powerful than any other vampires and have a say in important things. The "Council of Seven" is responsible for deciding the future of the vampire society.
Ie Dracula swayed most of the Council and vampires in general to be nice and friendly. So neck biting incidents went down considerably.
Sometimes the "Council of Seven" consists of a Councilor who will be the next vampire ruler and seven other vampires. In other cases, a "Council of Seven" has been composed by the "Dark Angel", who is the head of the Council, and the most powerful vampire of the present era. With the exception of very powerful evil vampires like Mephisto or Erlick.
The vampire aristocracy are in charge of vampire hunting. It is the job of the High Council to supervise vampires who have been banished or who are living in "The City of Death".
"Like that Doctor Who episode The City of Death." said Oscar.
Ace hushed him.
The Council of Seven will also try vampires who break the law. All these cases are important to the High Council. The "Dark Angel" is in charge of all the vampire military. The vampire army is composed of young and old vampires. Although being immortal beings they can't really get old, except when it is funny to have an elderly Grampa vampire like in the Munsters.
"No! Enough! It's so lame and boring!" Bart whined.
Ace ignored him and spoke to Oscar. "So you see Oz. Yes the Council under the orders of my king (The monarchy unified Romania and ruled over its entirety in the 19th century. Before that different provinces had different kings. In particular Moldavia and Wallachia had all the psychotic kings like Vlad the impaler.) are supposed to deal with rogue vampires. But some are too dangerous. They're a Class M! M for Mephistopheles or Mephisto. The most most evil vampire of them all." said Ace.
"Aside from Erlick now he's risen from his grave." said Oscar.
"And aside from Erlick." said Ace sighing, he does talk a lot for having a toothache.
"You think an Imperium Autocannon could destroy him?" Oscar asked.
"I have no idea what that is... but that would probably be overkill..." said Ace grimacing.
...
Endsville.
Irwin, Billy's friend because he is not racist, was being a stereotypical black nerd. The only thing going for him as a character was that he was Billy's Milhouse and he loved Mandy, just like Milhouse loves Lisa.
Also he is half vampire, half Egyptian mummy. He is Erlick!
"Mandy please love meeeee!" He cried.
But the main three characters were on some sort of adventure involving supernatural occurrences to notice him. Also billy was being stupid.
"Cloooooooowns!" He screamed.
The expanded cast of heroes consists of an idiot, an angry girl everyone is frightened of who might have incredible, terrifying powers. Death, himself! A vampire mummy black nerd. And the son of Nergal!
Yeah Nergal is Billy's uncle, his son Jr is Billy's cousin.
"why are my non existent pants cold and wet?" said Billy. Um Eeeeeew!
Everyone was disgusted.
Grim said something cutting and cold. Well they did trick him into losing at limbo and being their friend forever. He was probably angry at this.
Well wouldn't you if you were him?
The whole group were going up a hill in an area of the forest.
This is a very dangerous area of the forest. It had those Evil Dead trees that grab you in their branches, disrobe you and make you wear a diaper and glue you to an area of their trunk somewhere on the tree. Then those squirrels Mandy encountered in Druid, Where's my car? sniff you.
Billy's friends went on ahead and they were in full gear.
Billy was being the idiot and Mandy was standing at the side keeping a lookout for danger as Billy was too stupid and was daydreaming.
Billy made a stupid comment like "we should have gone in the other cave."
Mandy turned her head towards him "Shut up stupid! You idiot and come here." She shouted.
Irwin's Grampa Dracula. The black Dracula doing a Red Foxx, god rest his smutty soul, impression arrived going on about that vampires scrape and lick. He also called Grim a dummy and explained a great danger was threatening various vampire stories. A very evil vampire has risen from the grave.
"It is a calamity dummy! He is already in the yellow banana people universe and strange things are a foot in those Darren What's his face books!
"I can sense it too Dracula. We must be ready." said Grim.
"For a dummy, you make a lot of sense." said Dracula.
Grim frowned.
"I'm callin' you ugly, I could stick yo face in some dough and make some gorilla cookies." said Dracula rudely.
"Grampa do you have to talk to my friends like that..." Irwin sighed.
"Yes dummy! Now I never really have had the chance to be your Grampa because your grandmama got scared of my bat form and chased me out of the darn house!" said Dracula.
...
Ace winced.
"Why Irwin..." he muttered.
"He's funny!" Oscar giggled.
Ace sighed
"I also threw in some Buffy the Vampire Slayer too!" said Oscar.
Suddenly Dracula. Ace's Dad, Dracula that is. Who resembles Bela Lugosi, had news.
"Boys we're hiding out in my castle back home in Romania." said Dracula. "Transylvania to be precise."
"We're giving up?!" Bart gasped.
"No no no! We're setting up our defences there to fight back from. It's a better defensive structure." said Dracula.
"We should really get back home and let our mom and dad know about this." said Hugo.
"I will take you boys home." said Dracula flying them home.
Dracula enjoyed company with the Simpsons in a civilised manner. Because he is a nice vampire.
However Homer attempted to cook and serve Ned Flanders for dinner to Dracula. Thinking he ate people.
"I only drink blood. And even then I have better control over my vampire instincts." said Dracula. He explained they must all as the main characters flee to his castle in Transylvania to mount a counterattack against Erlick. As they were too important to the story. Everyone else was fair game.
Plot 3
Transylvania, Castle Dracula.
The spooky castle was tastefully decorated with skeletons skewered on wooden posts. They must have been about 600 years old.
"Narrator... Dracula the vampire is not the same guy as Vlad the Impaler..." Hugo sighed.
Sure they are!
The Dracula family, The Simpsons and Sargon and Oswald the Vampires went inside.
"Ah home sweet home." said Count Dracula.
"Yeah I suppose so Dad." said Ace Dracula.
Oscar had just noticed Sargon the vampire was called Sargon.
"That better be a huge coincidence and that you're not my arch enemy Zargon in disguise!" Oscar snapped.
"I don't do disguises..." Zargon the dark lord sorcerer with delusions of megalomania and um wanting to enslave everyone replied popping in to reply to Oscar.
"Yeah that's kinda a Saturday cartoon villain thing." said Oscar.
"Hey, is nougat a real thing or did they make that up?" Oscar asked, ignoring his nemesis Zargon.
"Chocolate is the last thing I want to talk about. My tooth is killing me." Ace groaned because he has a toothache this episode.
"What, still? I thought you were gettin' that thing yanked." said Oscar.
"It'll be fine. It only hurts if I, aah! When I... aah!" said Ace but he yelled in pain from his rotten tooth.
"When you pronounce vowels? That could be problematic. When's the last time you saw a dentist?" Oscar asked.
"Oz we're hiding out in Transylvania because there's an extremely powerful evil Super vampire terrorising everyone!" Ace groaned. "And it's one of my fangs that hurts! I can't just have it yanked out! I can't drain necks of sleeping people with only one fang!"
Bart winced. Oz... why are you friends with a vampire...
"I know! We can challenge Erlick to a final boss fight! Like Sora fighting Ansem In Kingdom Hearts!" said Oscar.
Ansem laughing maniacally while hurling razor disks of darkness. "SUBMIT!"
"Uh... no..." said Ace wincing.
...
Elsewhere Erlick, the main villain, duh! Was doing a big dramatic speech.
"We have been put down, my kinsmen. We have lost our way, and we have lost the night. But despair is for the living. Where they are weak, we will be strong. Where they weep, we rejoice. Where they bleed, we drink. Within these three days a new hope shall rise."
I copied that from Absalom, a random Buffy villain.
There was also 7 black cats sleeping
"Wake up you lowsy cats! !" He exclaimed angrily
The cats ran to Transylvania in fear.
"Well. That's gonna be a problem. Continuing My speech!"
He continued is over the top, laboured super villain speech.
"No go and kill!"
Elsewhere Sarah Michelle Geller as Buffy clones kept killing the vampires. For shame!
Well mostly just the ones that make their faces go ugly when they're aggressive. She likes Spike, mostly.
Then Willow was in all those Date Movie/Epic Movie spoofs.
Oh and the ugly face vampires probably criticise Spike for befriending humans with a "No true Scotsman" speech.
Back at Castle Dracula.
The Weasleys arrived with Harry Potter and Hermione.
"Ah Ace Dracula. The only vampire wizard at school." said Ron Weasley.
"Meet Oscar, the only wizard with Aspergers." said Ace.
"Do you have to bring that up?" Oscar snapped.
"Well it explains why you were squealing at the puffskeins in care of magical creatures once..." Ace sighed.
...
Endsville.
Irwin formed an Earth, Wind and Fire cover band. Because he is black.
Billy grimaced exasperated.
Then he saw pie.
"I like pie! Yeahyeahyeahyeah!"
Oscar was being stupid again. "Boogily moogily! Boogily moogily!" He ran around screaming.
"I like nachos!" said Fred Fredburger.
Teddy, Oscar's teddy bear sighed. "Winnie the Pooh never had to deal with this nonsense..."
"Anyway I'm stuck fleshing out the main story without Erlick coming across as No Heart from Care Bears." said Oscar.
Teddy sighed.
At Castle Dracula.
"Hmmmmmmm! I hope everyone in Springfield is okay. Why did we have to leave them behind..." Marge sighed.
"Look I had to save someone. So I decided to save the main characters..." said Oscar.
In Springfield Erlick's army of vampires were killing everyone.
Mephisto arrived.
"I am evil! I am hate! I am- Okay who's the newbie..." Mephisto was being overly dramatic in his entrance.
"Who dares intrude on Erlick the bloody! Erlick the savage!" Erlick boasted.
"Uh I'm Mephistopheles, the great evil vampire. I'm like the main villain to Ace and his insufferable friends. I'm essentially Voldemort, Darth Sidious, Ming the Merciless! What are you doing here?!"
"Killing everyone." said Erlick.
"Why?" Mephisto asked.
"Because I can. I can even destroy you! And I will! Now die!" snarled Erlick.
"Not Today!" said Mephisto.
Milhouse got in a giant paper plane and flew away.
"Blood... darkness... come unto me!" Erlick beckoned the powers of darkness yada yada etc. Just copied Nightmare from Soul Edge...