If his childhood had taught Burke one thing, it was to never look back, not even on the past hour. That made going to school - and going home - a lot more bearable. For someone who had never managed the art of keeping his head down and his mouth shut, compartmentalizing was the prime survival tactic.

While the cart rumbled down the long, long slope from Etissa's finest quarter to its worst, Burke didn't dwell on the evening, or on the boy, or on that last, horrible moment when he had

murdered a child

done what he had to do to save Len's neck. He focused on his plans of escape. It was the only sensible thing to do now. Crying over that kid wouldn't bring him back. And considering this place, that was maybe for the best.

Maybe he'd need a few more days to figure out the apes' routine. Maybe he wouldn't wait that long - he already knew that the gorilla - Tulko? - was the zookeeper of their little circus, while the two chimps were Asar's bodyguards.

And then there was Todan, of course, the little shithead. Monkey-lover. They had a word for people like him, back in the bad old times.

He'd probably have to take out Todan first. Burke didn't mind that too much. He still owed the bastard one for smashing his kidneys.

His chance to escape wouldn't come during the transports - they were too well guarded, and the apes would probably tie him up like a Christmas present every time they carted him to a match. No, he'd have to bolt during training, when they had no choice but to let him out without the chains.

Of course they'd know that, too. Burke hoped he wouldn't have to deal with an armed sentry. Maybe he could use Todan as a shield, and throw a knife...

Burke's fantasies were interrupted when Tulko grabbed him by the neck and hauled him off the wagon. They had already reached their dingy backyard again.

Home, sweet home.

Tulko lit a lantern when they entered the shack, and in the dim yellow light, Burke saw that Asar was there, too. It made him a bit wary - the thug had no reason to be here for the cleanup and the feeding.

Well, hopefully there would be a feeding.

Asar nodded at one of the chimps, who went and unlocked Len's kennel. The boy sat up with sleepy eyes, straw sticking in his hair.

"Get out," Asar said, "Killer here gets your box."

Burke watched as the boy crawled out of his kennel and blinked up at the ape. For some reason, his heart was in his throat all of a sudden. But he was still wearing the muzzle, and couldn't say anything.

"Do I get another box?" Len was asking.

Asar walked behind him and put his hands on his shoulders. "Even better." He smiled at Burke.

Then he took Len's head into his hands and broke his neck with the same quick motion that Burke had used in his fight.

The boy collapsed without a sound.

"Never disobey me again," Asar said, and now the smile was gone from his face and his voice. "Or I'll find ways to hurt you that you can't even imagine."

They took off his chains, shoved him into Len's cage, and left.

For a long time, Burke just knelt in the straw, on his hands and knees just like he had fallen down, and tried to calm his breathing. Tried to focus on his breath, listening to the air streaming into him, and out again. When Tulko had taken off his muzzle, Burke had thought that he'd howl and yell, scream out his rage and frustration, but he was mute; he couldn't make a single sound.

I killed that other kid for nothing.

If I'd refused to kill the kid, he'd killed Len, and someone else would've killed the kid.

If I'd done as he'd said from the beginning, I'd have been a fucking baby killer.

But I did what he said, so I am a baby killer.

And now Len's dead, too.

His thoughts began to tangle up at this point, trying to find a gap in that loop, some way he could've saved at least one of those boys, and his integrity, and finding none. He tried to stop thinking at all. Focus on the breath. Listen to the breath.

When he returned his attention to his breath, he heard himself sobbing.

When Tilsa returned, Virdon had knocked her out, killed her, or used her as hostage several times over, in a dozen different scenarios. Despite his self-damnation, he still felt obliged to at least check the possibility of escape.

But whatever scenario he chose, it always ended with him being hunted down by a horde of ape security. Virdon knew that realistically, he stood no chance to escape Ramor's compound and find his way back to the inn, naked and still drugged, before either Ramor's gorillas, or someone from the town watch would capture him and bring him back to this room.

And if he made it back to the inn against all odds, he'd have to explain to Galen and Zana why he couldn't go back to Galen's 'business partner.' That, more than anything else, made him retreat mutely towards the wall when the door opened.

Still, he felt oddly relieved when the two gorilla guards filed into the room after the old chimp woman. He was outnumbered and outmuscled again, no chance to even lay a hand on Tilsa. So it wasn't his cowardice, or resignation, that prevented him from attempting escape - it really wasn't feasible.

Tilsa lit the lamp hanging from the wall, and regarded him critically in the blooming light. "Will you behave like a normal human male today, or do we have to give you the medicine again?"

"I'll never consent to this," Virdon said. His voice was rough and it was painful to speak. He didn't know if it was a side effect of Blaze - maybe he'd lose his voice completely over the next days, if they injected the cursed substance into his body again and again. Maybe it'd irreversibly turn him into an animal - thoughtless, mute, forever horny...

Tilsa shook her head. "I hope your cubs won't inherit your stubbornness and rebellious nature."

I hope they will.

At Tilsa's nod, the gorillas grabbed him again, one forcing him to his knees, the other stretching out his arm for the next injection. Tilsa had already brought her tray with her, not expecting his cooperation, and quickly tied the tourniquet around his upper arm.

Virdon realized that he was shaking uncontrollably. In a moment, the drug would enter his system, spreading its heat through his body, getting him into heat, and his senses would be thrown wide open, become more acute, more powerful than they were at any other time; the way his far ancestors might have experienced their primordial world. His rational mind would melt away, and only that bright, unbroken awareness would remain, unfettered by the considerations of civilisation - morals, self-control, fidelity...

And he didn't know anymore if he feared or craved that experience.

"You should know," Tilsa said as she inserted the needle into his arm, "that some humans develop a yearning for the medicine. I'd find it safer for you if you mated with our janes without its help."

Virdon gritted his teeth and waited. Tilsa sighed and began to press down the plunger.

The door opened and another chimpanzee stuck his head in. "Change of plans, Tilsa - Ramor wants to see the jon in his office. Seems its owner turned up and wants it back all of a sudden."

Relief and panic flooded Virdon in equal measure as he felt the drug's heat creep up his to his armpit and down into his fingertips. For a fleeting moment he saw himself stumbling into Ramor's office, mute and aroused, mindlessly seeking release.

The heat he felt right now might have been Blaze, or embarrassment.

Tilsa muttered a curse and pulled the needle out of his arm. She pressed a finger on the puncture, and inspected her syringe. "If you had come a moment later, I'd have told you that we'd need to let the medicine take its course first. But this amount..." She pondered her syringe for a moment.

"Take him to the bathroom," she decided after a moment. "Make him take a bath to clean himself up - and use cold water! I'll be there in a moment."

Virdon had no idea how much Blaze she had already injected, but the heat that was pulsing through his body and into his groin felt as intense as the day before. He hoped the cold water would help - he was still able to think, so maybe Tilsa had been right, and he still had a chance to step back from that cliff.

The gorillas didn't give him time to adjust to the water's temperature; they pushed him into the empty bathtub and emptied buckets of cold water over him until the tub was full, then left the room.

The cold was like an electrical shock; after Virdon had stopped coughing and grunting, he reached for the soap and cloth and scrubbed himself down.

He had read somewhere that rape victims often developed a cleaning obsession, scrubbing themselves raw in an attempt to remove the feeling of being soiled by the crime. He didn't feel that urge... he was just glad to have water and soap.

But then he was a man. Men couldn't get raped by women... could they?

He hadn't had any control over his erection. It was sadly ironic - many men couldn't get one despite wanting to sleep with their wife or girlfriend, and he, who desperately hadn't wanted to sleep with any of these women...

I am truly blessed.

The door opened again, and Tilsa entered. Virdon looked up tiredly - after all they had put him through, being seen naked by an ape had dropped far down on his list of things he felt embarrassed about.

"Your clothes," Tilsa said. "They've been cleaned, too. And drink this tea, it counteracts some of the effects of the medicine." She put a mug with a steaming liquid on the stool beside the bathtub and pushed a bundle of clothes into his arms, then left.

Virdon climbed out of the tub, toweled himself off, and put his clothes on. Every sensation was still painfully intense - the cold of the water, the softness of the towel, the weight of his vest... he forced the tea down, hoping that it would dull his senses a bit, at least his sense of touch.

On his way to Ramor's office, Tilsa led him into his room again, where yet another "jane" quickly took care of the last of the drug's effects, and then he was out in the cold morning between the buildings of Ramor's breeding facility, squinting against the sunlight that was turning the fog into sheets of blinding white, stumbling towards a mighty tree with a spiky trunk.

The spikes were planks, he saw when they got closer - winding around the trunk, with no railing or risers between the treads. He felt dizzy just by looking at it, but the gorilla dragged him onwards and began to climb the stairs with him in tow. Virdon kept as close as possible to the trunk, using it as a sort of handrail. He only breathed easily again when stairs ended in some kind of corridor, although he doubted that the woven walls would be able to stop anyone's fall.

The gorilla ushered him on, until they reached a richly decorated door. His guard opened it without knocking and simply deposited him in the room, then left.

Ramor was sitting behind a desk, and the look he gave him made Virdon's stomach churn. The slow smile of the ape mocked him, telling him I owned you more intimately than anyone else ever has.

Aloud, Ramor just said, "There he is, whole and hale. You were acting as if I was sending him into a pit full of bushcats."

Galen turned around and Virdon froze under his gaze .

Galen knew.

Galen knew what Ramor was. What had happened here, for the past two days... or had it been three? Virdon had lost his sense of time in that windowless room.

The shame was so intense that Virdon felt ill. He had to get out of this room, away from Ramor, away from Galen, away from everyone.

Galen must've seen it in his eyes, because he averted his gaze and just said, "Let's go."

At the foot of the tree, he finally broke his silence.

He told him about Pete.